The second Dumbing of Age Patreon bonus strip for August is about Amber and Dina! All patrons can go check it out.
Also, you can upgrade your pledge to see tomorrow's strip today! Incoming
The second Dumbing of Age Patreon bonus strip for August is about Amber and Dina! All patrons can go check it out.
Also, you can upgrade your pledge to see tomorrow's strip today!
149 thoughts on “Incoming”
Ana Chronistic
GAH
…there was, like, a WEEK I wore the “I want to poop out a kid” hat, before actually being around one for an afternoon with that “what the fuck do I do with this thing, I don’t want to break it” vibe pulverizing the last ticks of my biological clock
“oh it’s different when it’s YOURS” yeah, bc either the making it will literally kill me or I’m under fire bc I will 100% not lying be one of THOSE parents who forgets it in the carNO THANKS please don’t make me that person I will gladly leave it to the professionals
Ana Chronistic
(kids are loads cooler once they learn where to poop and can maybe not do it on me)
tim gueguen
Yeah, I’m glad I’ve never had kids, and at this late stage it’s 99.99999 percent likely I won’t.
LeslieBean4shizzle
You know, having had two kids, I can say that the “it’s different when it’s yours” thing is actually true.
What they don’t tell you is that happens because it is an insane trial by fire for the first month when, after a couple days, the hospital says “goodbye and good luck” and you have to take your kid home and just figure everything the fuck out on your own. It’s INSANELY TERRIFYING, but if you survive that first month, you’ve basically got PTSD with “where’s my kid” instead of flashbacks.
LeslieBean4shizzle
Like, literally today, I was dropping my wife and two-year-old off at a store, and my brain, for no fucking reason, conjured an extremely vivid image of my child (who my wife was carrying) running into the very nearby traffic and getting graphically killed. Because that’s what my brain fucking does now that I’m a parent. Just at fucking random.
So yeah… it is different when it’s your own kid. **haunted eyes**
Schpoonman
See, I never want to experience that.
ZerglingOne
Ah yes, the intrusive thoughts that come with parenthood. I’ve driven myself to tears on more than one occasion with them.
TheWanderingMist
Oh, my brain already does that and I don’t have kids or anything like that yet.
nlips
We had a home birth, but it’s sort of the same thing. At some point the midwife leaves, and your friends have all gone home, and there you are. Left all alone with a brand new human being. A brand new terrifying experience, and he’s so little and fragile and breakable and if we screw up he’ll DIE and we don’t know what we’re doing so we’re probably going to screw up…
And then it all works out fine.
All-Purpose Guru
We went through that too. Eventually you figure out that if kids were fragile, the whole human race would have died out thousands of years ago.
Once you figure out YOU’RE not gonna kill the kid and you block out all the relatives who tell you “If you do that you’re gonna kill the kid” it gets a lot easier.
thejeff
Little kids are this weird combination of fragile and indestructible.
Roborat
Yup, that was my wife, before kids she was a nurse in a pediatric ward. Her primary saying was: “kids bounce”.
Jamie
I hear it’s better in Sweden. 🙁
Cantripmancer
Can attest. I used to sleep just fine. First kid was born, and all of a sudden my sleep is sprinkled with vivid nightmares of said kid falling down the stairs, pushing open the back door, even just crawling across the bed and falling off. My wife now has the phrase “go back to sleep dear, it’s just a dream” on auto-spout whenever I disturb the bejeebers out of her sleep by frantically grabbing her feet thinking it’s the baby…even though now our youngest is now six. :/
Other than that, fatherhood has been pretty awesome, though, so… 🙂
ProfessorDetective
You sound like the type who should adopt a 6+-year-old, instead. Skip over the most physically taxing phase.
TachyonCode
I’m no parent but I can say from observation that when your kid (in this case, me) is bleeding profusely from the head and having to wait like an hour for attention in the ER and wailing their head off, that it doesn’t matter what age the kid is.
Even if they’re fucking fine and it just looks like a lot of blood (it wasn’t), you’re still trying to blame yourself for it and simultaneously try to work out how you’re going to pay the hospital bill.
That last part might just be an America thing though, I dunno.
TachyonCode
I think my point got lost in the storytelling but it was basically that physically-taxing includes emotional taxes as well, that shit wears on your patience for drama and your psyche as well, and stuff that keeps you up at night eventually takes a physical toll.
Tynam
That last part is, I’m afraid, basically an America thing. Nobody in, say, France would be thinking about that.
Peter
Or Denmark.
KryssLaBryn
Or Canada.
quirkyopteryx
Or the UK or the Netherlands. Or, y’know, pretty much any developed country that didn’t have kittens over AHHHH COMMUNISTS!!!!!!111!!! and understood that universal healthcare means your country won’t be shitty and horrific for everyone but the richest of the rich if they or any family member happens to get sick or has an accident.
Felian
I don’t think that’s a sound solution.
It means a) you suddenly have a six-year-old that you haven’t had 6 years to get to know and understand. You haven’t yet had a chance to learn all the parenting skills most parents have leveled up to by age 6.
b) the child has had 6 years. And if it’s up for adoption, that is for a reason. In only 6 years, it went through some or all of the following: a huge loss of its family, foster care, childhood abuse, breaches of trust by being handed around through different guardians, bad memories, unhealthy or at least difficult to deal with coping strategies, often difficult and non-normative behavior….
Are you equipped to handle such a child? They WILL have special needs they would not have if you had birthed them and raised them decently and respectfully (even if you made some mistakes along the way).
Please don’t assume that just because an older child can talk to you, that they will be willing (“you’re not my real mom!!!“) or able to express what they are going through. They are more likely to act up or shut down, because of what they’ve learned previously about trusting people, and/or because they do not understand what they are feeling and going through either.
I admit that birthing and raising a kid from the very start does not fully equip you for the challenges of living with a 6yo / 12 yo / 16 yo either, but at least you only need to handle the mess-ups you created yourself or that just – without being anybody’s fault – show up along the way!
Yes. I think raising children should not be taken lightly and often takes professionals, at least to help you along. It’s a myth that parenting just comes naturally to esp. mothers. They are all shit-scared, not only at first. Keep trying, ask for help and advice if you need it, and it’ll work out somehow.
Ana Chronistic
↑ all this
The “solution” I see is, if somehow EVERYONE ELSE in the fam dies, and hubs and I are the literal ONLY ones left, we would take in the niece
I guarantee Mum and Dad would have a non-relative guardian lined up tho, and for good reason
Emily
My favorite thing is being the cool aunt to my nieces and generation-removed cousins. I get to get them cool gifts and give them the ice cream that their parents are too responsible to give them, and when they get a stinky diaper I get to give them back to their parents for the time being while I get to play.
EmCaCo
OH M Y B E E L Z E B U B are you me from the future or the past or a nearby parallel dimension because my name is Emily and that is also my exact attitude towards children.
Lore Krajsman
oh yes, being the cool aunt is awesome, especially when they love me for letting them watch tv and play games on their tablets/phone instead of insisting on the time limit my sister gives them. (which also meant that I got to enjoy my phone, instead of having to keep them occupied all day)
And when you then top it off by ordering in pizza…
StClair
Uncle, here.
My version is “I like other people’s pets, and other people’s children.”
BBCC
Fuckin’ A. OTHER PEOPLE’S kids are awesome, a lot of the time.
Ana Chronistic
see also: grandparents
Felian
Jup!
Even as a professional, i much prefer kids that i am fully responsible for while at work, but not at all responsible for when i go home. I’d take 6hrs with 18 kids (and 1-2 more adults) over 1 kid 24hrs any time!
(most parents i know feel exactly oppositely)
Roborat
My dad always said that was his favourite part of being a grandfather. You could give the kid back when it cried or smelled.
drs
“oh it’s different when it’s YOURS” — because your brain/body have been designed by natural selection to pump hormones to brainwash you into bonding with your new baby.
(Because parents who don’t bond enough to put up with sleep dep and poop are less likely to have been your ancestors on account of dead children.)
ego
had a FoaF who while she was knocked up was wont to tell me “oh my god i can feel my brain changing”.
Always told her “don’t be ridiculous, your brain doesn’t have nerve endings” but that didn’t reassure her like it should have. Anyhow, last i saw her she was a happy exhausted parent of a healthy little girl.
Evolution, amirite?
Benjamin
“…because your brain/body have been designed by natural selection to pump hormones to brainwash you into bonding with your new baby.”
This is true, but it’s also true that this doesn’t change the fact that those hormones do make you, like, *actually* love and care deeply about your kid in a for-real way and actually bond meaningfully with them! Like, cake only tastes good because natural selection led to neuronal triggering of dopamine hits when you taste sugar or whatever…but it doesn’t mean you don’t *actually* like cake – even if you 85% do because you’re biologically programmed to, you still definitely do like it!
WirelessPillow
Ana Chronistic, I worked in a kindergarten, babysat babies from 14 and assisted in raising my 19 years old younger brother.
My son is 5 months old and its definitely different when its yours
BBCC
Awwwww.
Seriously though, enjoy it Joyce, ’cause I guarantee you do not actually want kids.
tim gueguen
Given the subculture she comes from I assume she’s handled babies before.
BBCC
Joyce is a germaphobe and hates messes and smelly stuff. I guarantee she THINKS she wants babies. She does not.
poofdepoof
Aren’t those character traits based on the author’s upbringing, and doesn’t he happily have children?
BBCC
Joyce isn’t a 1 to 1 parallel with Willis and Willis had his kids decades after graduating university. Joyce might get there at some point but as she stands right now, she reaaaaaalllly would not like kids.
BB:CC
Bro it sounds like you’re over generalizing your own dislike of childrearing to everyone.
There are people who, honestly, want to have kids. Even as early as college. My sister knew her first year that she wanted a kid. Got pregnant last year to her boyfriend, they had the kid. Happy as they come, got married a year later, had another kid that same year.
Some people legit love parenting. And considering Joyce is heavily based on Willis…
BBCC
There are definitely people who like parenting, but considering Joyce has been shown to be a germaphobe who can’t even handle a toenail falling off without losing her mind, I’m not sure she would end up being one of them.
thejeff
Things change. Consider it immersion therapy. After the first couple months, she’d barely notice.
BBCC
Ain’t that the truth. Ultimate sink or swim test, Joyce, you can’t return your kids to the store. 😛
Chris Phoenix
For me, the “it’s different when it’s your own kid” is true of the human waste issue (no pun intended, really). I lived 45 years without changing a single diaper. When I had kids, I just started doing it, no big deal.
It’s like, if I’m in a restaurant and a tiny fly lands in my food, I’ll spend time carefully removing all the food it might have touched. If I’m camping, I’ll just brush the fly away and eat the food.
BBCC
That’s true of some people, but the question is whether or not it’ll apply to Joyce.
desolation0
We really won’t know until she tries, and both directions is just projecting.
TheKelliestKelly
Mm, I disagree. I’m also a bit of a germaphobe but in inconsistent ways. It’s a neuroses things and it’s not really rational. Stuff you’d encounter with kids might not bother Joyce. In addition to probably having handled kids in her upbringing, Joyce has a dog. She’s probably picked up the dog’s poop. It’s revolting but picking up poop is something you get used to and would inure you to diapers.
I don’t have a lot of experience with kids but I spent a day with my cousin and her then 2 and a half year old nephew. He at one point wanted me to blow a whistle he had. The whistle had already been in his mouth and on the ground. These facts bothered me immensely. I blew the whistle anyway. I wouldn’t have gotten over the anxiety for any adult but that little boy? Absolutely
Joyce is not yet prepared to have kids but this ztrip is good evidence of her wanting them.
BBCC
I think Joyce wants kids based on what she knows now, but I don’t think she’d necessarily handle it well when she was actually looking after one. Joyce was the youngest and her oldest brother just got married – handling kids isn’t guaranteed. And in my house, my dad handled picking up dog poop when we still had a backyard and we weren’t fundamentalists devoted to strict gender roles. That sounds more like something her upbringing would consider a job for boys.
Felian
This is a very good point!
I guess the “different when it’s your own“ might kick in and then their messes would be fine…. but it is true, Joyce, you can’t even handle toe nails falling off. I know a kid it happened to twice before she was four years old.
This, and other gross things, you will HAVE to deal with.
Please wait at least five more years to reassess and also to grow more mature.
(i, for sure, am SO glad i did. i really wanted kids when i was 18, and even brainwashed into wanting to get married and become a mother and housewife, and i am eternally glad i didn’t try to get pregnant with the awful guy i was dating back then… )
Kinoko
Maybe not intimately. Joyce is the youngest of her siblings.
Reltzik
Also, Joyce got freaked out about the possibility of losing a toenail. She is ready for NOTHING about the birth process.
BBCC
RIGHT.
Felian
or the “yes, your child will have gross accidents all the freaking time“.
Bagge
Baby-barf on Joyce in three… two… one…
Bagge
Right there with you, Joyce. That warm-milk-and-inadequatly-cleaned-diaper-smell somehow manages to go right into the reptile brain.
Zee
Tbh I feel like Joyce would enjoy being a mother. But more like…adopting an older child kind of mother. That feels oddly fitting for her
ValdVin
Panel four: We have liftoff.
I thought that only worked with pie!
Thores
Ahhh, so THIS is the week that Jacob’s older brother visits.
LeslieBean4shizzle
OH. I was wondering who Harrison and Jamie were.
Clif
I’m glad someone remembered Harrison’s name. (cause I didn’t.)
Deanatay
Jaime, not Jamie. Subtle diff.
Dr_D
She looks like Pepe le Pew floating that way.
William Leonard Reese Jr.
Pepe Le Pew is one of those characters I am always conflicted about. While on one hand most of his episode focus on his stalking and obsessing over his target of interest, on the other hand the JOKE of the episode is often that very same tactic being turned against him much to his horror.
The way he floats is just funny though I will agree.
FacelessDeviant
Yeah. He’s not big on boundries or consent that skunk.
William Leonard Reese Jr.
The Return of Goatee Baby!
. . . Also is Baby smell just the alternating smell of Baby Powder and the foulest of foulest poops/pukes?
. . . Also Joyce in full baby mode is beyond adorable. It is VERY easy to see why Becky crushed on her so hard.
LeslieBean4shizzle
Actually, depending on the baby’s diet, it’s poop may have almost no smell. It’s still gross, but mostly in a tactile fashion. Poop doesn’t really get foul smelling until the kid starts digesting more complex food.
Uly
When babies are very little they smell milky and sweet. And if they’re breastfed, their poop smells, no joke, like buttered popcorn. It’s weird.
Clif
The new baby smell is almost as good as the new car smell. But the baby is usually cuter. And more expensive.
TCS
It’s really interesting to me how many people in the comments seem to like the smell of babies. I find the smell really repulsive, even though there’s no objective “it smells like [bad thing]” to base the reaction on. Baby smell is just gross to me.
Then again, my maternal instincts apparently just failed to manifest. To me, their smell is disgusting, they look creepy, and the sound of their crying makes me hyper aggressive toward the baby (as opposed to trying to protect it, which would at least be a reasonable excuse/advantage for the reaction).
SeanR
People have different odors depending on age, diet, health, gender, and kinship.
Yes, babies smell different. Even freshly cleaned babies, using unscented everything.
Also, “morbid obesity” is a real thing. People who are excessively fat smell the same as people who are very sick. At least to me.
TachyonCode
It’s probably the ketosis. Or the general difficulty of cleaning yourself. Assuming they’re not actual slobs, I mean.
DailyBrad
BABY!
John