151

It dead
Posted on January 5, 2018 by David M Willis

151 thoughts on “It dead”

  1. miados

    I believe you have my stapler.

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      The most important question: is Leslie’s stapler a Swingline or a Boston?

      1. ZerglingOne

        Probably.

      2. Clif

        Dunno. Joyce hasn’t toed me.

        1. Deanatay

          Oh, sure. Just keep toeing the line.

        2. N0083rp00F

          Nailed it.

        3. adjudicus

          The puns are afoot!

        4. NelC

          Toe be, or not toe be; that is the question.

  2. user 18

    That’d be a good title

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      They’d all be good titles, Brent.

      1. Mr. Bulbmin

        They’re all great titles, Brant.

  3. Li

    That’s some dedicated toe protection

  4. MatthewTheLucky

    How did he do that?

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      And can this power be learned?

      1. chris2315

        Not from a Jedi.

        1. DrunkenNordmann

          Please don’t.

        2. Ozzi

          He has nipples. Jedi milk nipples!!!!!!

    2. Reltzik

      I think that font signifies yodeling.

      …..

      …. by which I mean, I declare it official fanon.

    3. skart

      Sung to the Harry Potter theme.

      1. Deanatay

        With a British accent, of course.

    4. foamy

      [LAUGHS IN HARRY POTTER]

  5. Reltzik

    Now’s our chance! Quick, everyone talk Willis out of “Up Here We Can Be Garbage”!

  6. Danni

    joyce stop

    1. StClair

      please

      1. MasakiSayz

        Yeah, that’d be fantastic.

  7. ValdVin

    Amazi-Girl isn’t the only one with vocal typeface powers.

  8. Mordecai

    grumpy joyce

  9. Adam Black

    quiet tonight

  10. Doctor_Who

    Pretty sure at this rate the sequel will be titled “Joyce Brown and the Chamber of Gangrene”.

    1. MM

      Joyce Brown and the Stapler of Azkaban

      1. adjudicus

        Joyce Brown and the Goblet/Chalice of Jacob’s church

        1. Passchendaele

          Joyce Brown and the Order of the Hospital.

        2. LookingIn

          Joyce Brown and the Half-Numb Foot

        3. Mr. Bulbmin

          Joyce Brown and the Needed Femurs (Part 1)

        4. MatthewTheLucky

          Joyce Brown and the Accursed Digit

        5. Roborat

          Joyce Brown and the Case of the Toe-Jam.

          That’s right, I went old school, Hardy Boys.

        6. SpaceshipPilot

          And the prequel spin-off, Broken Toes and How to Heal Them.

        7. Marsh Maryrose

          Just remember: the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true. (The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon.)

        8. fogel

          😀
          I’ve seen that movie (or, at least, that ditty from that movie)

        9. N0083rp00F

          What about the vessel with the pestle?

        10. kristiellkay

          !!YES!!

          When I have an ‘eh, f*ck it, it’s good enough’ moment, in my head a mail-clad soldier does an elaborate check mark on a piece of parchment and announces “The candidate passes!”

        11. Owlmirror

          Joyce Brown and the Goblet of Episcopalianism
          (maybe a little snappier:)
          Joyce Brown and the Goblet of Heresy

          H E R E S Y!

        12. MM

          Goblet of Backwash.

        13. N0083rp00F

          Goblet of HERSHEY ummmarglebargle chocolate

      2. Koms

        Joyce Brown and the stationary stationery.

    2. Dean

      Followed by ‘Joyce Brown and the Prisoner of Denial’.

  11. Passchendaele

    Leslie, you better get in there quick, before the stapler makes things worse. o-o

    1. Bast

      The universe is held together by duck tape,staples and and gum.
      You bet your ass it’s going to hold her toe nail!

  12. Dr T

    Hovertext still isn’t working on my iPhone. I can tell one is there but the text doesn’t show.

    1. Reltzik

      “maybe this should’ve been the title of this storyline”

    2. chris2315

      “maybe this should’ve been the title of the storyline”

    3. Cholma

      It says, “maybe this should’ve been the title of the storyline”.

    4. Deanatay

      New storyline title idea!

      “Maybe This Should’ve Been The Title Of The Storyline”

      1. King Daniel

        Maybe that should’ve been the title of this storyline?

        1. Deanatay

          What? “New Storyline Title Idea”?

          I’unno, lacks rhythm.

    5. Reltzik

      Oh, in case no one’s transcribed the hover text for you, it’s: “maybe this should’ve been the title of the storyline”

  13. Roger

    aw I was hoping to continue that convo with Joe and Sarah

    1. AutobotDen

      You and me both.

    2. jeffepp

      Different couple that ain’t a couple… Yet.

  14. Stephen Bierce

    …And if you’re using a stapler to fasten the words to this song…
    You’ll find that a staple is just about a centimeter long!
    Divide a Meter by Decimeters, you’ll find that there are ten
    Divide a Meter by a hundred–you’ll have a hundred Centimeters then!
    –Metric Marvels cartoon, circa 1979

    1. Needfuldoer

      With rhymes that stretch-y and corny, it’s no wonder the Metric system never took off in the US…

      1. JustCheetoDust

        By that logic no one should be cooking with gas stoves anymore.

  15. Reltzik

    Nonono, it’s toeNAIL, not toeSTAPLE.

    1. McBogue

      You could try a toescrew, but then Willis would have take it to Slipshine.

    2. MatthewTheLucky

      I simultaneously hissed in horror and chuckled, and ended up making a noise like boiling water on the bus. So thanks for that.

  16. Keulen

    “Joyce Brown and the Mediocre Body Horror” should be the title of the next book.

  17. DailyBrad

    I love Joyce and Walky interactions. Like, it’d be funny anyway without knowing they were married in another universe, or that they’re both attracted to one another and yet very repulsed (Joyce crushed on boys from her Christian kid show that Walky turned out to be on; Walky admitted to Dorothy’s amusement that Joyce was beautiful as to how he got the inkling before being told that Ethan was gay, that Ethan didn’t seem to look at her like that)
    It’s just this friendship of mutual belligerence with shared fandom and genuine care holding it together, combined with stubbornness.

    1. Koms

      Please please can you link that strip? It’s ok if you don’t also…

    2. DailyBrad

      Walky admitting he thought Joyce was gorgeous? Or Joyce having a thing for the boys from the show when she was younger, and Dorothy, Joyce, and Walky realizing one of the kids was Walky?

      1. adjudicus

        All three?

        1. Khyrin

          Dorothy,Joyce and Walky realize Walky’s secret Sin and Shame
          the other two I couldn’t find after a 30 minute search, and I can’t narrow it down any further than some time after Becky popped up.

        2. Koms

          It’s so sweet of you to put in the effort. May you be blessed with super fast internet always.

        3. Nomen

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/02-i-was-a-teenage-churchmouse/secularmedia/ (“cute little mice boys”)

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/unpretty/ (not exactly the word “gorgeous,” but…)

        4. adjudicus

          Thanks! (you too, khyrin)

        5. DailyBrad

          Heh, well, I guess I remembered it more strongly than he phrased it, but still. Thank you for the people who posted the links

        6. Kelvandil

        7. Kelvandil

  18. Adam Black

    I hope Walky keeps Narrating this for the rest of the chapter

  19. BBCC

    Yes, Joyce, put a staple in your possibly broken toe. That will help.

    1. N0083rp00F

      But that is what overpriced, overworked, caffeinated medical personnel are for.

  20. Mollyscribbles

    No, no, Joyce — use duct tape, not staples.

    I mean, it won’t actually work, but it’s less painful.

    1. Chris Phoenix

      I lost a toenail after running a marathon. I actually did hold it on with a Band-aid for a couple of weeks until it fell off most gently – and by then, there was a new nail under it.

      1. Clif

        If duct tape doesn’t work, then you aren’t using enough duct tape.

        1. Reltzik

          …. I suppose you COULD make a splint with enough duct tape.

        2. N0083rp00F

          Gorilla Tape is my go-to followed by Duct Tape as opposed to gaffers tape aka Duck Tape.

  21. Tacos

    What exactly does Walky’s voice sound like in that last panel I wonder?

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      I imagine it as a cross between Jim Dale and Vincent Price.

      1. MM

        Possibly a bit of Stephen Fry.

      2. N0083rp00F

        Vincent Price or Billy Van as the Librarian from Frightenstein

        1. Roborat

          OMG, does that bring back memories.

      3. ValdVin

        Native Bridgeporter here, so when someone says Jim Dale, I go straight to Phineas T. Barnum.

        I also imagine Walky can sing pretty nicely.

  22. Doopyboop

    Let go of the toe, Joyce. It must fly free!

  23. Shiro

    JOYCE NO

    The last thing that toe needs is more trauma, girl. Band-aid?

  24. tirachokko

    joycenoahhh

  25. Pablo360

    It dead, man

    1. Needfuldoer

      Rip in peace.

    2. Eldritch Gentleman

      Technically a toenail is dead from the moment it appears.

      1. Pablo360

        “Omae wa mou shindeiru.”

        “Nani‽”

        1. Pablo360

          Everyone will think I’m referencing Fist of the North Star, but I’m actually referencing Dragon Ball Super referencing Fist of the North Star

  26. Ivy

    This is actually an extreme body horror and I fully support Joyce’s decision to keep her sock on for a month.

    1. Dg

      I still don’t understand why nobody did the “poke hole in nail to let out blood” trick.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        It’s not “Clever First Aid Tricks of Age”.

        1. BBCC

          Also, I don’t think Joyce would react better to blood pouring out of her toenail.

      2. DailyBrad

        Maybe Willis didn’t want to draw that. It was icky enough seeing Jeph do it in QC when Martin had to have it done.

  27. Badgermole

    Oh this is a metaphor for Joyce not being able to let things go is it *taps side of nose knowingly*

    1. DinaWho

      Who nose? 😛

    2. Pablo360

      Aren’t you supposed to tap your forehead, not your nose?

  28. Hogan

    … he had Phil Foglio writing the title for the last panel? XD

    1. Roborat

      Can’t be, no hat.

  29. Kernanator

    I was already grossed out by the rest of the comic, and then Joyce’s last line made me nope out of existence.

    1. Carms

      oh nooooo i had not picked that uuup 8l

  30. BenRG

    I’m wondering how Joyce has got to this point in her life without ever encountering a part of her anatomy dropping off. Doesn’t she remember her milk teeth? Hasn’t she ever had a scab over a cut?

    Okay, it’s gross but her over-reaction has gone beyond ignorant naivety and has reached open silliness!

    1. David M Willis

      *looks at camera like jim from the office*

    2. Wright

      I can kinda relate to Joyce. I had my wisdom teeth out when I was 22 and was irrationally upset about losing “a part of me”. Over ten years later, I think I was being a bit silly.

    3. Liliet

      Well, people know that milk teeth are supposed to fall out, and scabs aren’t really ‘a part of anatomy’. Having a toenail fall off really feels very differently to that…

    4. Derek

      how does she deal with periods?

    5. Deadjolras

      I’m in my early 20’s and the worst that’s ever happened to me was spraining my ankle when I was 7. Losing a toenail definitely counts as body horror for me, as silly as it sounds.

    6. Lingo

      I’m 45 and the idea of losing a big toenail is frightening as fuck. I think the root of the fear is the idea that the underlying exposed skin would be extremely, unbearably sensitive to the touch for a long time. This idea is supported by every time I’ve cut my toenails too short.

  31. Wright

    Joyce, think. It”s dead, but you’re forcing it to behave as if it’s alive. That’s necromancy, and is how the zombie apocalypse starts. Keep your toe zombies to yourself, before it spreads and kills us all.

    1. King Daniel

      Yeah, next thing you know we’ll have a zombie Toedad on our hands.

      Then we can definitely say trouble’s afoot.

      1. MasakiSayz

        I see what you did there.
        Not to imply that you were hiding what you did there, I just felt like it deserved some recognition.

  32. NinjaNick

    Don’t risk any permanent toe damage.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Exactly. No sense taking a risk when you can make sure it happens.

  33. Reltzik

    THIS squicks Joyce out?

    I mean, yes, okay, it’s moderately disturbing, but to the point that you want to STAPLE the toenail on???

    THIS counts as body horror for Joyce?

    ….

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

    Joyce thinks she wants to have kids, but JOYCE DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE KIDS.

    1. BBCC

      Good god no. Tell her any of the icky, bloody, bodily function infused parts of pregnancy or birth and I guarantee she will run away screaming.

      My advice for Joyce? Adopt. You get the cute baby, the joys of raising children, and none of the body horror.

      Until she interacts with how children actually behave, especially when they’re tiny, at which point she will run away screaming again. Can’t really help her there.

      1. Some1

        Get a Tamagotchi

  34. JessWitt

    I’ve dealt with a few in-growns, but ye gods may I never go through a falling nail in my lifetime.

  35. Geneseepaws

    This pretty much confirms that she never had a foot wart contracted from the gym. Yeah, she as home schooled, but they borrowed the high school’s gym sometimes, right? But they didn’t use the showers???

    1. JustCheetoDust

      Wait until this comic covers staph infections.

    2. King Daniel

      The high school gym was borrowed for use as a church auditorium, IIRC.

      1. Geneseepaws

        Oh, I think you are right, I misremembered.

  36. newllend(henryvolt)

    Crap, maybe you should go with something less painful like tape ?

    1. BenRG

      I think that Walky’s entire role in this arc is talking Joyce down… and maybe also starting a horribly ill-considered emotional rebound from wanting to ‘let go’ Dorothy with Joyce.

  37. DarkoNeko

    It’s a stapler to staple Walky’s mouth shut

    1. BenRG

      I have to agree that I think Joyce is in a bad enough mood to be contemplating violence against Walky.

      1. DarkoNeko

        There’s that one scene in Bakemonogatari

  38. Vika

    not gonna lie. I’d react just like Joyce

  39. Bagge

    Ouch

  40. TemperaryObsessor

    When something way less painful happened to me the new toenail was already long enough to not be creepy by the time the old one fell off, but if it happened sooner it might have been gross and painful. The way I remember it I think I got the same cool I’m basically healed feeling you get when a scab falls off to reveal healthy skin. Anyways stapling it back on seems like more body horror than the nail falling off will be.

  41. SlothfulCobra

    Soulmates.

  42. Roger Sterling

    I’m handicapping the prime timeline asserting itself here at 33.bone %

    1. Pablo360

      33.bone% is my favorite Undertale speedrun

  43. Bast

    Future title suggestions underneath. (Unofficial, duh)

    Mine is: “Not this again…”

  44. Ryek Hvek

    Staple-Toe is Joyce’s spirit name…

  45. Reltzik

    Okay, I know that toenails falling off is a thing. But I have to question what expertise Walky, WHOSE NEVER ACTUALLY EXAMINED JOYCE’S INJURY, is bringing to bear on whether THIS toenail is going to fall off.

  46. Joe

    Was Joyce allowed to read Harry Potter? Can she appreciate how much effort Walky put into learning how to speak like that?

  47. Elsendor

    lmao sometimes i forget they’re not married in this universe

  48. Delicious Taffy

    Wait, y’all have had scabs fall off? I didn’t even know they could do that. Mine just get smaller and smaller, until they’re nothing but scar tissue. Is that not normal? Am I gonna find out I have some kind of immune system disorder?

    1. TemperaryObsessor

      Nothing is wrong with you I remember it a scab falling off once but I think your way is what usually happens.

    2. Arian

      The way I understand is that, if you don’t fiddle with them, they dry out from the edges toward the middle, and tiny little dry bits progressively come off the outsides, making the area of scab get smaller until it’s all flaked off, so gradually that you don’t notice.

      People whose scabs *come off* usually can’t leave them alone for the healing to finish happening by itself.

      1. Agemegos

        It depends how thick they are. A thick scab detaches from new skin at its base faster than it can erode at the margins. They develop a loose edge that sometimes gets caught on things and tears the attached scab off. I have sometimes trimmed the edge of a scab with scissors to prevent its catching.

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