301

Julia Gray
Posted on February 19, 2019 by David M Willis

301 thoughts on “Julia Gray”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    haha I was just laughing at how I bought a thing from Jess Fink only bc I didn’t already have it and only now realized it’s Stucky fic

    anyway Joyce WHY ARE YOU SKIPPING THE FIVE YEARS OF FOREPLAY THAT’S THE BEST PARTsometimes

    1. foamy

      It’s a smash cut.

    2. Ray

      He survived 5 years of blue balls?

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        Julia Gray thinks he did. That’s what matters to her.

      2. Vulcanodon

        I had friends in college who were engaged for four years and remained chaste. Then after the marriage, 37 years of glorious misery they couldn’t end because he is a minister.

        1. Ana Chronistic

          I thought it was fine?

        2. Lin

          I mean, fucking is fine for Lutheran ministers. They still get kind of shitty about divorce, though.

  2. C.T Phipps

    I think Joyce needs to publish her fanfic professionally and have it become as famous as FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY. I believe that would be an excellent future for her character in this universe. Certainly, she’d hardly be the first fanfic author to make it big in porn.

    1. DarkoNeko

      Hopefully she’s better at it than Marigold.

      1. Axel

        I’m glad someone else remembered this

  3. William Leonard Reese Jr.

    . . . I am so proud of Joyce here. As a fanfiction writer you have no idea.

    1. PB

      Amen my dude

    2. chalcara

      Yup, me too! It is genuinely heartwarming. Go Joyce!

      Love her expression in the last panel.

  4. Stephen Bierce

    I’m giving you a longing look
    Every Day (every day every day)
    Every Day I Write The Book

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      One good hit deserves another!

      I wonder, wonder who, who, who
      Who wrote the book of love

  5. Stu

    Well, that’s one way to get around THAT hangup!

    1. Schpoonman

      At Joyce’s dorm party she was playing Boyz II Men (I think) and she got around the cognitive dissonance by imagining the song was about a married couple.

  6. Nono

    THE ROAD TO INTERNET PORNLORD STARTS HERE.

    1. C.T Phipps

      Porn for the porn god!
      -Slaanesh battle cry

      1. Vabolo

        Smut for the smut throne?

      2. inqntrol

        Looks like we need an Exterminatus over here. https://youtu.be/IEGo41443iI

      3. Bagge

        I read that as “porn for the porn goat” and got some weird images in my head.

        Specifically of this really seedy porn shop managed by an old ram.

        1. Sazazezer

          I fully support this being the new catchphrase. PORN FOR THE PORN GOAT!

        2. Ana Chronistic

          PORN FOR THE PORN GREATEST OF ALL TIME

        3. Mr. Bulmbin

          Porn GOAT? So, the porn god is officially some sort of shapeshifting master of various sexual techniques, to fulfill as many odd desires as possible.

        4. vlademir1

          That’s not exactly unheard of…

      4. Erik

        Porn and souls for my lord Arioch!

    2. Marsh Maryrose

      “The Road to Internet Pornlord” is the least known of the Bing Crosby/Bob Hope/Dorothy Lamour “The Road To…” series. That’s a shame.

      1. Arianod

        I’m gonna print this whole exchange and put it on a fucking frame on the wall.

    3. Reltzik

      Really? I thought it started with an oppressive religious upbringing followed by cracks in commitment to the dogma.

  7. shadowcell

    it was true.

  8. James Rye

    Christian smut novels. xD

    1. Bagge

      If it’s God’s will it’s OK 🙂

  9. ShinyNeen

    Fighter jet pilot dream lives!

    1. ValdVin

      (Beat me to it; well done.)

      1. ShinyNeen

        Aw, you took the time to include the appropriate link though. Call it a draw.

    2. Bicycle Bill

      How many people here will not be satisfied until Willis draws an image of a B719 Spacejet?

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        I suspect it will look an awful lot like a Tarantugun.

    3. zaratustra

      didn’t jeph jacques have a character that wanted to be a fighter jet?

      cause i might need to go into the fanfic business myself

      1. Khyrin

        You are correct. Her name is Mei. She’s the blue-haired AI with the lighter blue skin possessing a preponderance of pinch-points.

        1. King Daniel

          Her name’s May, not Mei. 😛

          And yeah, she tried embezzling several hundred million dollars, IIRC, to purchase a drone jet on the black market that she could upload her mind into.

  10. DailyBrad

    Still better than the Team Rocket fanfic I wrote in my teens, even if Joyce is on the upper edge of it.

  11. Deadjolras

    Joyce’s very first fanfiction is better than anything I’ve ever written.

    1. Spriteless Girl

      Sometimes practiced writers have trouble getting down to the levels of those just starting out.

  12. lilyliv --> ian livs

    Yep, my repressed Christian younger self also started smut-writing in this way.

    1. lilyliv --> ian livs

      Also, I love how the heroine’s name is CLEARLY NOT inspired by the name Joyce Brown in any way, form, or fashion, no sirree.

      1. Jamie

        Eh. I figured she was related to a Grey who was Christian.

        1. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

          Joyce knows nothing about 50 Shades except it’s about DEVIANT behavior and that woman should be ashamed of herself for being roped into it.

        2. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

          Because for fundies, it’s well-known that when this sort of shameful act of skanky hanky-panky goes on, it’s because the woman was a slut who tempted the man into sin. It’s DEFINITELY not because the man pressured her into it in a manner where her consent was shaky at best…

          Although now that … Ryan *clenches fist* … has attempted to take advantage of her, she might not wholly buy into that narrative anymore.

        3. Khantalas

          Isn’t 50 Shades of Grey a Twilight fanfic now with the serial numbers filed off?

      2. Alanari

        During that fake-wedding-thing in gender class, Joyce said her dream profession is fighter pilot..

        🙂

      3. MatthewTheLucky

        Tune in next time for the adventures of Astronaut Jenny Black!

    2. C.T Phipps

      Myself as well.

      Except it’d be starring Batman and Mara Jade.

    3. Bagge

      He, whatever works 🙂

  13. C.T Phipps

    Mind you, porn makes a huge amount of money for self-published authors on Amazon.com. One associate of mine makes 10K per month. It’d be fascinating if Joyce managed to succeed before her sister–only for them to team up. Would be a good plot to awaken Joyce’s creative side and perhaps reveal a deeper insight into her sister’s mind.

    1. Piotr W

      I tried making money in porn, but nobody bought my stuff :\

      1. Mollyscribbles

        Find a niche market and figure out a way to advertise. Try and figure out a kink that’s either underrepresented or so weird people would buy your stuff just to see what the hell it is (like with the dinosaur erotica trend a while back). I dunno, consentacles? Try Ao3’s most popular tags for inspiration.

        1. Piotr W

          The problem was, I was writing for such a niche kink that there was no audience for it…

          I might need switching to writing stupid horror about man-eating crabs or something 🙂

        2. BBCC

          See, you probably meant normal crabs, but I’m just thinking of the STI because it is 3 AM and I am about to go to bed.

        3. CJ

          Isn’t that pornwithoutplot? Followed by I wrote this instead of sleeping?
          In the Supergirl (2015) fandom, the there’s a lot of BDSM threesomes, don’t know if that’s because of the audience or if the canon suggests it strongly.

        4. Kamino Neko

          The canon does suggest somel potential threesomes (Kara/James/Lena, frex), but BDSM is totally the audience.

        5. CJ

          Most is Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer/Lucy Lane, with Alex being the sub. I wondered about that, as there are several authors writing about them.

        6. Kamino Neko

          Wow…Lucy, really? The areas of the fandom I hang around in hated her. It’s weird that she’d be part of a juggernaut ship…

    2. Ana Chronistic

      I’m immediately thinking your associate is Chuck Tingle and I’m a little jealous

      1. Touchfuzzy

        I would be surprised if Chuck Tingle didn’t make way more than that.

        1. thejeff

          Plus no one knows who Chuck Tingle is.

        2. Proxiehunter

          Presumably son name of John knows.

  14. Tacos

    Oh no. And so begins Joyce’s dive into the depths of writing fanfics…

  15. Derek

    are these actual characters from another franchise or are they from the Monkey master cartoon?

    1. C.T Phipps

      Well Julia Grey is obviously Joyce’s self-insert.

      1. UniqueSnowflake2

        Heh, heh, heh, you said “insert”.

      2. Bagge

        What are you talking about? Gray and Brown are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COLOURS. She’s OBVIOUSLY not a self insert.

        Hehe. “Insert”.

    2. Catman

      I think this is her. Julia Grey is pretty similar to Joyce Brown, and she said she wanted to be a fighter pilot with her own TV show who comes home and makes macaroni and cheese for her kids.

    3. BBCC

      Patreon word of willis is they’re OCs.

      1. Needfuldoer

        So you’re saying it’s a clean slate, ripe for fan fiction and world-building.

        *Starts doodling character designs*

        1. BBCC

          I think they were OCs for Dexter and Monkey Master. Not 100% on that so don’t quote me.

        2. ShinyNeen

          I took “OCs” to mean they weren’t meant to be from/part of any preestablished universe, personally.

          Could just as easily be wrong, though.

        3. Ana Chronistic

          ORIGINAL THE CHARACTER DONUT STEAL

        4. BBCC

          OCs can exist in either!

        5. ShinyNeen

          They absolutely can! … Oh, I phrased that badly.

          I dunno, there was something about the context Willis said it in. I’m sure I’m over-analyzing.

        6. BBCC

          No, it’s fine. I’m not even 100% sure they’re from fanfic so you might be right.

    4. autogatos

      I’m assuming Blake bears a not-very-coincidental resemblance to Jacob in personality and appearance (but Blake probably goes to the “right” kind of church).

  16. Mr D

    Glass houses here but: You’re a shitty writer Joyce. Keep on practicing.

    Also, y’know, get some first hand experience or at least watch some porn before you start writing erotica.

    1. C.T Phipps

      A friend who writes erotica says porn is the worst thing for decent erotica.

      1. Beef

        Yeah watch hentai, that shit’s got seasons and story arcs

        1. Alanari

          Considering her ex dream involved someone rubbing her belly really fast, she might need a pointer or two though.

        2. Chris Phoenix

          Heh, pointer.

      2. Mr D

        Look, Joyce is a homeschooled christian girl. I don’t even know if she knows the simple mechanics of sex, let alone Erotica-worthy lovemaking.

        1. Piotr W

          I’m a nearly 40 y.o. guy and I’m still not sure not when it comes to the mechanics of sex, either :\

        2. Mollyscribbles

          I have the impression her parents gave her a basic sex talk (like. Missionary married straight people basic sex talk) so I figure she’s technically aware of how it goes (and after the whiteboard incident, has a basic grasp of anatomy) but her mental image might resemble squishing naked barbies together.

        3. Piotr W

          … that’s my mental image, actually. Huh.

        4. thejeff

          “rub your thing on my tummy” suggests she’s a little unclear on the details.

        5. Mollyscribbles

          To be fair, we don’t know if she was having a weird dream about baby-making activities or . . . I dunno, foreplay, as she’s at least aware of the concept that people have sex for fun rather than procreation.

        6. Lin

          Also, that means that she knows how precisely one form of sex goes. There are lots of sex acts that aren’t penis in vagina.

    2. JA

      “Shitty” describes the vast volume of fanfic, especially since a lot of its writers have never had sex.

      1. CJ

        Writing good erotica is an art.
        I organized a writers group some years ago and the amount of cringeworthy erotica was incredible. And everyone loved their own stories so much, they didn’t notice their listeners cringing.

        1. CJ

          And has there been a shift in usage, or why is the word lay widely used in fanfics where I would use lie?

        2. ditrysia

          As a non-native English speaker, I prefer the word lay* for referring to the actual of resting in a horizontal position, as the word lie means to deliberately deliver a false statement. Maybe there are other people out there with the same confusion and that has shifted the usage?

          *Not a fanfic writer

        3. Ana Chronistic

          It’s correctly always “lie” is intransitive (something you do) and “lay” is transitive (you do it to something)

          In the present tense, anyway, which is where English fucks itself up

        4. ditrysia

          Ah, that clears it. Thank you.

    3. Mollyscribbles

      Correction: She’s a n00b writer. I prefer to do my best to support the authors who are clearly going through the awkward baby steps of writing.

      though, less so when it’s at the level of “painfully inaccurate grasp of anatomy” or “for the love of whatever you believe in, do not risk someone thinking that would make good lube” or “please seek therapy to deal with your assumptions of healthy relationship dynamics”

    4. Marsh Maryrose

      We are all shitty writers when we start out. No shame in that. To paraphrase George Burns, kids need a place to be bad.

      Mind you, I was an excellent writer when I was eighteen, and the fact that the internet didn’t exist then, and there is no extant writing of mine from that era, only proves my assertion.

    5. StClair

      The way I’ve always heard it is:
      Your first million words are going to be awful, so best to get them out of the way as quickly as possible.

      1. StClair

        In the past, people would usually burn through at least some of these/get it out of their systems with stuff that was hidden away in drawers or only read by family, friends, or classmates. Some did it in “zines” or other primitive forms of self-publishing.
        But today, ha, today we have the Internet, which gives these people a much wider audience.
        And for a lucky few who happen to tap into some underserved portion of the zeitgeist–lookin’ at you, Stephenie Meyer–there’s big book deals, which put their million words of crap in every Barnes and Noble or Kindle.

  17. Catman

    Whew, levity.

  18. Michael Steamweed

    Cumming soon to Slipshine!

  19. Mr. Random

    I think Joyce may be having feelings… of a somewhat sexual nature.

    She horny.

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      She wants Blake to give her tummy all of his thing.

      (Not linking to the dream strip because Ryan shows up at the end and that’s a humor killer.)

      1. Bagge

        I eagerly awaits the next chapter and what it will tell us about Blake’s sirloin

  20. ValdVin

    Hits all the Joyce points:

    Especially since we already know she wants to be a fighter pilot.

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/kd/

    1. Bagge

      She will hit all points all right

      Heheheh… sorry

  21. Beef

    omg I just remembered It’s Walky Joyce… does DOA Joyce know where babies come from?

    1. BBCC

      Mercifully, yes, she seems to. Keep in mind, Joyce had her mind wiped in Walkyverse.

    2. Agemegos

      She might be a bit fuzzy on the details of how they get there.

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/06-strange-beerfellows/tummy/

      1. BBCC

        IIRC, Word of Willis is that that was dream weirdness and irl Joyce knows how it works but finds it embarrassing to talk about.

        1. King Daniel

          On the other hand…this strip’s hovertext.

        2. BBCC

          Honestly, seems pretty par for the course when it comes to newbie porn writer euphemisms.

  22. nlips

    This is adorable.

    1. Bagge

      It is, it truly is.

  23. Kern Wallace

    Gotta admit, I blinked at the start of the fic, since I knew a Julia Green in high school.

  24. BBCC

    Oh my god, I laughed so hard I wheezed. Joyce, it’s mean to cause asthma attacks! XD

    Oh, but honestly, this is amazing. It’s a mash up of starter writing and starter porn and in that way lies hilarity.

    1. C.T Phipps

      Mind you, some best sellers never get beyond this.

      1. BBCC

        Now I’m remembering 50 Shades and I’m sad again.

        Poo.

        1. Piotr W

          50 Shades really frustrated me. I tried reading it and I was like “This amateur tripe sells millions???”

        2. Inahc

          Well there’s your problem, you tried reading it. 😉 Much better to read analysis of the many ways in which it is awful. I forget what blog had it, but the poor blogger never quite managed to slot through the final chapters iirc.

  25. butts

    so joyce is autobiographical, eh

  26. Xccj

    I was like “Wow five years passed by but Joyce is still wearing the same outfit, still writing her story… oh wait, not five years in comic time. Not a crazy time jump after all.”

  27. Dana

    Joyce Brown, Internet pornlord. She is the author avatar, after all

    1. Dana

      Intended as a reply to c t Phillips, but whatever.

  28. newllend(henryvolt)

    All in one day she made a fast escalation from reading her first slashfic to writing her first slashfic.

    1. Alanari

      It’s literature!

      1. BBCC

        LITERATURE.

        The font and capitalization mean everything, but we can’t do fonts here.

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          Classical Literature.

        2. MatthewTheLucky

          C. Literature, if you will.

    2. Dana

      She’s gonnasnap and write like a billion fics.

      1. Bagge

        That’s a real concern.

    3. Mollyscribbles

      First smutfic; she hasn’t done slash yet.

  29. Gojira

    “Five more years!”

  30. Koms

    I love the Yes she nodded it was true part. The coloring in this strip is so pleasing. At first I thought she was reading Jocelyn’s writing and then I saw her hands moving. I relate with Joyce so much.

  31. Bon

    I desperately am wondering if Blake is based on anyone in particular. I can’t imagine who though. My first thought was he was a dude Dorothy… then i thought maybe a less… stink version of joe. Maybe Jacob? (Blake-ob? idk)

    1. BBCC

      Jacob AKA ‘Jakes’ as Becky calls him.

      Jakes = Blake.

      That’s what I’m thinking, assuming Blake is anyone in particular.

  32. ReFlex76

    “Joyce Does an Erotic Fanfic”

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      You know what would make a great slipshine? This story, illustrated, with a cutaway every page to Joyce blushing ever more furiously.

      1. Mollyscribbles

        I don’t think it’d even qualify for slipshine because I see Joyce mentally adding [CENSORED] bars over various parts of everyone’s anatomy.

        1. Aletheia

          April Fools slipshine?

          (Is that even a thing?)

        2. Rabid Rabbit

          There was the “Welcome to the Fuck Zone” of Joyce and Dorothy making out, so yes, it is.

  33. ktbear

    I think I’m right in saying Joyce has already watched porn? From the point of view of a camera attached to Danny’s toe? And yes, watching porn has never helped me to write decent erotica either. And by me I mean my friend. Yes, definately my friend.

    1. Sunny

      She watched seconds at most, so there’s a good chance the video hadn’t gotten to any of the good(?) (interesting? relevant? vigorous?) parts.

    2. Chris Phoenix

      But is that the kind of porn that would make it harddifficult to write good erotica? Neither of them got paid, both of them presumably enjoyed it (and enjoyed each other enjoying it) – sure there was a camera but that doesn’t prevent them from having genuine sex with genuine erotic feelings.

  34. Dean

    But what happened to the B719 SpaceJet? I need closure!

    1. Bagge

      I’m sure it hooked up with a nice space station or something and had a dozen of little satellites

  35. Bagge

    “But Julia,” Blake said as he lifted her up in his strong, brown arms and carried her off the tarmac (which she didn’t see as a sign of systematic devaluation of women in media, whatever her gender studies teacher might think), “are you sure you want to get married to me? I though you were already married to President Kleener?” The thought of president Kleener made both of them smile, she was such a wonderful person and the best president the country had ever had, not to mention a true friend who always stood by Julia’s side and had time for her and not her stupid ex Balky who lived in Antarctica and was sad.

    Julia smiled the right amount and shook her head. “It is true that president Kleener and I share a bond closer than any sisters and live together and have a fair and wise division of household labor based on individual strengths and that we hug a lot and I can smell her hair without it being weird, and that we will keep living together after you and me marry and be best of friends always, but we are not married in the way God intended (not that He has any problems with two women marrying, I checked). I want to be married to you!”

    “And I want to be married to you, too,” Blake said, sparkling of joy. He kissed her and it was very sexy.

    1. ShinyNeen

      A+++, almost made me laugh too loudly for this late at night.

      And is that last line a QC reference?

      1. Bagge

        Thanks! 🙂

        It is indeed a reference. ValdVin kindly provided the link below

    2. ValdVin

      You had me at President Kleener.

    3. ValdVin

      Oh, and also bonus points for the last line.

      1. ValdVin

        It’s a known classic.

        https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1790

        1. Bagge

          Thanks, that’s the one! I have a really hard time navigating QC due to it’s lack of a tag system.

        2. Jhon

          http://cesiumcomics.com/qctags/

          You’re welcome!

        3. Bagge

          …that’s a thing?

          THAT’S A THING!

          THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

        4. Bagge

          Now I can finally show the qc strip this strip reminded me of:

          https://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=3084

    4. Marsh Maryrose

      This is wonderful, but I have a “Well, actually….” Because Balky obviously moved to Wulmeria and was sad because he was allergic to Nachitos.

      1. Bagge

        Perfection!

      2. Deanatay

        Wait, but what about Balky’s cybernetic half-penguin, half-velociraptor roommate?

    5. Piotr W

      But you need to factor in Sal, too! She’s Joyce’s crush, after all 🙂

      1. Bagge

        I’m sure there will be a rebel on a motor cycle in chapter two.

        1. Piotr W

          Can’t wait to read it! 🙂

    6. Sunny

      Glorious.

      1. Bagge

        I had a lot of fun writing it 🙂

    7. chalcara

      That made me laugh hard enough the scare the cats!

      Thanks! 😉

      1. Bagge

        My apologies to your cats 🙂

    8. Emily

      11/10 would binge read 500k words of this at 1am.

      1. Bagge

        Awwwww, thanks 🙂 …but be careful what you wish for. There is A LOT more where that came from.

        1. Emily

          I want it Bagge. I want it all.

        2. Bagge

          THEN LET’S DO THIS!!! 🙂


          Julia returned to base after yet another successful mission where she bravely had defeated the alien menace known as G.R.O.S.S. “Thank you,” said her best friend CoolCat. “I’m very happy you saved me, but I’m even more thankful because I know that you will always accept me for who I am. You truly are the best friend in the whole world.” And they hugged. CoolCat then went to do hanky-panky with her girlfriend, but Julia didn’t mind becaus she accepted CoolCat for who she was.

          Julia went into her room where her room mate Clara waited for her.
          “I heard you are going to marry Blake. I don’t think you should marry Blake, because i distrust happiness” she scowled.

          “I will marry him anyway,” said Julia, “because we are meant to be and I’m a brave and forward woman who are not scared.”

          “All right, then,” said Clara. “I was wrong. Sorry for not believing in you even if I know you are always right. I realize now that you are meant for each other, especially since his old girlfriend just moved away one day and will never come back.”

          “It’s OK,” said Julia and forgave Clara because she was very nice and saw the good God has given everyone. There was a sound behind them and Cal came through the window. She was a rebel, which meant she didn’t use doors. Julia was also a rebel but she used doors.

          “I heard you defeated another alien,” said Cal. “Good for you. Here’s a gift because I like the cut of your jib.” And she handed Julia an iguana that could live in her room and liked to sit on her head.

          “His name is Fine-face,” she said, and that was a good name for an Iguana.

        3. ValdVin

          I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

        4. Bagge

          Dangit, I forgot to include a line about Cal having the same lush hair as Julia and that Julia could brush her hair every day. Oh well 🙂

          If you are reading this comment section, ValdVin, you already have subscribed to my newsletter. You all have.

        5. Electriccombines

          I love you these are MARVELLOUS!!!!

        6. Bagge

          Thanks. I have tons of fun 🙂

        7. Emily

          Thank you and I love you.

        8. ShinyNeen

          Aaand saved. You’re the best, Bagge!

        9. BBCC

          This is the best.

        10. Bagge

          I think Joyce really is about to find her voice as an author.

        11. Annika

          Thank you for writting these, Bagge! I really needed that laugh today.

        12. Bagge

          After the last few days, I think all of us did

        13. Roborat

          Nicely done Bagge. It takes serious talent to deliberately write that badly, and you managed to hit most of the tropes. My congratulations.

        14. Bagge

          Thank you. I’m a big fan of formulaic writing, and there is something in the sheer raw emotions in bad fanfics that really speak to me.

          Perhaps the teenage author is not too familiar with rethorics or style or the fundamental principles grammar – but she knows in her heart of hearts that Ginny and Luna will make each other happy, and she will make sure her readers knows it too.

        15. Bagge

          You guys… you have only yourself to blame for encouraging me.

          And I suppose you can blame me as well.

          And Willis, of course, who started the whole thing.

          Anyway, without further ado – Space Commander Julia Grey and the melodramatic ostracization

          Julia had been very brave and saved a fellow space pilot from evil aliens, but when she landed, everyone at the base told her she should not have done that, and that she was very bad for having done so. But Julia had not been bad. To save a fellow space pilot was a good thing, even when people say you shouldn’t.

          Julia now had to eat alone since no one wanted to sit with her. She cried as she ate gross food (which she could totally do) and wasn’t allowed to fly any more. Only Fine-face kept her company and stayed on her head.

          At space forcee meetings, Julia was forced to wear an ugly uniform and Blake saw her in the ugly uniform but he was not allowed to talk to her. He looked sad. Julia wasn’t allowed to have a phone or keep any of her favorite things. When everyone else went to space force dinner she was not invited.

          Late that night, Julia sat in her room and watched the stars through the window.

          ‘Will I ever be allowed to fly again?’ she asked Fine-face. Fine-face didn’t answer because he was an iguana.

          ‘Of course you’ll get to fly again,’ a voice said outside the window, and when Julia opened the window CoolCat jumped in.

          ‘That was totally unfair and not your fault,” CoolCat said and hugged her. ‘It’s not bad to save a fellow space pilot, it’s brave. You are brave and everyone should say so.

          ‘But Blake think I’m a bad person,” Julia said and felt tears trickle down her cheeks.

          Joyce could feel tears trickle down her cheeks

          ‘Of course not,’ CoolCat laughed. “He’s just not allowed to talk to you. But President Kleener and Cal and Carla and me and all the others have talked to him, and he knows you are not a bad person. And we will make sure everyone else know it too.”

          “Thank you. You really are a true friend,” Julia said. And it was true.

        16. BBCC

          Awww.

        17. Inahc

          🙂 🙂

  36. chris73

    I’m reminded of George Mole talking about Adrian’s writing: “I’ve read some rubbish in my life, but this…”

  37. DaveM

    The sleeper has awoken!

  38. BarerMender

    “God’s plan for us.” Too true. Not-so-nice Christian boys tell nice Christian girls “God spoke to me. He wants us to be together.” Too few Christian girls say, “Let God get with me on that,” and too many of them marry assholes.

    1. Bagge

      That’s a thing?

      What am I saying, of course it’s a thing.

      1. ditrysia

        Christian assholes will use God to justify anything.

        If they wanna do something shitty, it’s God’s plan. If by chance they did something good, it was God acting through them (and therefore should be praised as God’s vessels).

        I’m having high school flashbacks. They are not nice flashbacks.

    2. Schpoonman

      I… Was gonna say “Come on, give them some credit,” but then I remember the girl I dated in high school and the girls at church from my youth, and yeah, that probably works.

  39. Jenny Islander

    Bless your little fanfic-writin’ heart! Go! Write Mary Sues and purple prose and hideously anatomically impossible sex! Write girls with mood-ring eyes and hair down past their butts! Make every hot guy fall in love with them and spout ridiculous out-of-character prose while the plot grinds (heh heh) to a halt! Go forth! Let your imagination run wild! Be free!

    (No, seriously, I hope she writes a total of 500,000 words of utter rubbish over the next few years and has a blast doing it.)

    1. BBCC

      I mean, she’d hardly consider ass length hair unrealistic. She knows Sal after all. 😉

      1. Mollyscribbles

        Yes, but in fanfics the ass-length hair never snags on chair backs or anything.

        1. BBCC

          We’ve never seen Sal’s hair do that either.

    2. Piotr W

      Hm. What are “mood-ring eyes”, exactly?

      1. Catullus

        Eyes that change color based on mood.

        1. Piotr W

          Aaaah, nice! 🙂

        2. Roborat

          I have been told my eyes change colour, but mood has nothing to do with it.

      2. hof1991

        Though those eyes should be able to flash too.

        1. Jenny Islander

          Plus, she should have a beautiful singing voice. And she should be able to snot off to any authority figure whatsoever and leave them speechless and unable to retaliate. (I think this particular ficcer will love that trope when it occurs to her, and use it a lot. Under a pseudonym, while secretly terrified that her parents will somehow discover who JesusLvr341 really is.)

        2. Jhon

          “… her eyes flew across the room… “

        3. Jenny Islander

          ” ‘This is the happiest day of my life!’ ” she smirked.

        4. Jenny Islander

          …I even got the punctuation “right.”

    3. Bagge

      She also need an exotic pet, like a unicorn cat that is loyal to only her or something.

      And despite being an acclaimed ace space pilot that everyone loves, she need to be a bit of an outsider that everyone at some point turn against so they later can fall over themselves to say how sorry they were and how much they love her.

      And she need to invent like half things in human history, or maybe that was only Ayla.

      (And snark aside, I flippin’ love that kind of character, so I’m glad for Joyce that she’s writing one.)

  40. JessWitt

    I did not see this happening for Joyce after her fanfic discovery but it makes this surprise all the more funnier.

  41. Meta

    HHHHMMMMMMMMMM…

    this could go very well under the best circumstances

  42. BarerMender

    Taking off her helmet–swiftly, yet–while descending a ladder would be a good trick. I’d like to see that.

    1. Bagge

      She’s an ACE space pilot after all

    2. BenRG

      No doubt, Julia has luxuriant long hair so she can flip it majestically the way Sal does when she takes off her helmet!

    3. Roborat

      I was going to comment on that, good to see some of us are paying attention to detail.

  43. Questionor

    So I was wondering if B719 Spacejet was a reference to something I didn’t know…. Google provided a better answer….
    https://i.imgur.com/RfzJG8w.png

  44. Questionor

    Also can someone please tell me what fandom this fanfic is for?

    1. Bagge

      It’s an original character, who just happen to have a first name starting with J, a surname which is a colour, and being/dreaming of being a space pilot.

      Joyce has made a nice little self insert, in other words. 🙂

      (I’M SURE Blake is not based on anyone Joyce knows… for example someone her best friends like to call Jakes…)

    2. Marsh Maryrose

      I’m pretty sure that at this point Joyce is writing for an audience of one.

      For all we know, she might be writing for an audience of one hand.

    3. Needfuldoer

      It sounds like an in-universe sci-fi fighter pilot TV show. Maybe something like Black Sheep Squadron with a Star Trek: DS9 setting and style? I’d watch the hell out of that.

    4. BenRG

      I think it’s original. Like Roomies! IRL, probably all the characters are based on Joyce and her associates. Julia is obviously Joyce’s SI; I’m guessing that Blake is Jacob but it could really be anyone Joyce has previously crushed on. The sci-fi elements are likely an amalgam of original ideas based on TV shows, books and movies to which she’s been exposed.

    5. Keulen

      I tried googling the character names and the B719 Spacejet and I couldn’t find it. So it’s either a show that only exists in the DoA universe, or as others have suggested it’s based on Joyce and her friends and crushes.

    6. Questionor

      oh sorry, I should’ve been more clear. I assumed it was a “fandom” in one of Willis’ strips like Dexter and that since I’ve only read Dumbing of Age that that was why I didn’t know what it was.

  45. sunflowerofice

    reminds me of that how i met your mother where marshal had to dream his wife died before he could dream of another woman. Extra steps to get to what’s wanted.

  46. mrnoidea

    https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/641906-and-then-they-fucked-yelling-bird

  47. BenRG

    One of the big problems of creative writing is wanting to get to the ‘good bits’ sooner rather than later. This can be difficult if yoi have to put in earlier bits so that the narrative makes sense. You need strength of will to keep pushing through the set-up to get to the pay-off!

    1. Bagge

      ‘good bits’
      ‘keep pushing’
      ‘pay-off’

      hehe 🙂

  48. PB

    I am … oddly proud of Joyce, and very much reminded of how I didn’t have ANY interest in sex until I discovered fanfiction.

    What I’m saying is this is awkward, nostalgic and sweet and I love it.

    1. Bagge

      I think for once she found a healthy outlet for all her pent up urges 🙂

      1. Emily

        Definitely a better outlet than scrawling dicks on everyone’s whiteboards.

        1. Bagge

          This is a natural progression.

          Heh, I assume her pen name will be ‘The Goddamn Dingdong Bandit’

        2. BenRG

          Or ‘NotJuliaGrey’ because she wants everybody to be sure about that.

        3. Bagge

          GRAY and BROWN are completely DIFFERENT colours. And there are MANY names that start with J. Why is that so hard for people to understand?

  49. BenRG

    Yes, I’m sure about this: Joyce has stared writing her version of Roomies!. So, that means that, over the next ten years, she’s going to tell the story of Julia and her search for love in a time of interplanetary war (possibly finally hooking her up with an annoying bit-part character rather than the original selected leading man). Then, in about two decades time, she’ll be writing a non-sci-fi retelling because she wants to do it ‘more realistically’.

  50. Miri

    I’m curious about whether the story will pick up for the wedding, or wedding night 😉

    Also, I thought “courting”/”no sex before marriage” type couples generally had pretty short engagements?

    1. BenRG

      Well, Joyce has to finish her college degree Julia has to defeat the Z’qnurx invasion before she can marry Blake! I suspect that Joyce will start filling in those five years on her next draft of the story!

    2. Zatar

      Of *Definitely* the wedding night.

  51. Zatar

    “Yes she nodded. It was true.” Good to see that Joyce’s self insert has some healthy confidence.

  52. Keulen

    Joyce writing smutty fanfics is something I didn’t know I needed until now.

    1. ShinyNeen

      Now we just need her to share her writing with somebody else.

      I’m rooting for Amber, personally.

      1. Roborat

        I can see her releasing her work into the wild accidently, and much hilarity will ensue.

  53. Annamal

    Go Joyce!

    This is such a healthy (and awesome) thing for her to be doing.

    1. Bagge

      Very, very true.

      In fact, she should tell Dorothy about it. Apart from being an untapped source of hilarity, it would also provide a neat answer to this

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-8/04-of-mike-and-men/halfirritated/

      1. ValdVin

        Grade-A callback.

  54. BenRG

    I sort of love panel 5. Joyce is clearly thinking to herself: “Wait a minute…! What kind of a corner did I just paint myself into?”

    1. Bagge

      Waiting is all fine and good… as long as you can skip to the juicy parts!

  55. not someone else

    I feel this may be one of the more directly self-inserty comics about the character of Joyce.

    So how many years until she becomes her own “internet pornlord” and we start getting Slipshines with the OCs of OCs? Homestuck kids are hitting their 20s if they weren’t already, now night be the time to capitalize on the idea of complicated metaplot shenanigans in the form of a fetish.

    1. everlastingwonder

      Two words: erotic pesterlogs.

  56. KSClaw

    “Five years later, I’m writing an e-mail nightly…”

  57. Shane Wegner

    I’m curious what Joyce would dare to right next. Vanilla missionary for intended procreation?

    1. Bagge

      I’m guessing LOT’S of metaphors that leaves everything to the imagination.

      “Gently she took his glory in his cupped hands and, looking in his eyes that were wide by God’s love, brought it to her desire. They sang the song of their shared love, the rythm chorusing in his heart, and in hers, the dance picking up pace until neither of them could dance alone. Then he rubbed his thing on her tummy all night long and it was very nice.”

      1. Dean

        I’ll be in my bunk.

  58. Zaxares

    “Goooood… Let the lust flow through you, my student.”

  59. nothri

    Joyce has been working on this fic for five years now?

    1. Bagge

      Turns out next strip is about the gang seeing each other again for the first time after college. The comic will then be about Dorothy’s wacky political hi-jinks

    2. BenRG

      Actually, she may have been.

      Headcanon: Space Commander Grey and the Starlane Conflict has been something she’s been working on pretty much since middle-school era when Becky sneaked her a copies of the Star Wars original trilogy special edition DVDs and they binged-watched it one night.

      Blake, the hunky JAG liaison on the base, is a recent addition to the cast.

      1. King Daniel

        Didn’t Joyce once say that the prequels were the only Star Wars movies she’s ever seen?

  60. TheFlamingonator

    This might already have been said but…

    How do you think Joyce would react to Mr Atheist and similar youtubers who poke holes in Christianity and their values (mainly the anti-LGBT, anti-marriage-is-a-partnership, and all that jazz)

    yes i am Aware that Joyce is not a Mormon like Mr Atheist was

    1. Mollyscribbles

      Initially, she’d probably feel a bit smug. Christians are exposed to false hole-pokers that they can prepare a ready retort to (similar to Dina discovering their case against evolution was largely based on not knowing much about evolution). She’s made a lot of progress on accepting concepts like LGBT relationships being legit and women having roles outside of “Stay-at-home mom” in a marriage, so there’d be acknowledgement that the church should be better in those respects.

      If it started getting to the bits that actually risked hurting her core beliefs . . . she’d probably close the tab.

    2. thejeff

      I wonder how she’d react to the crop of “rationalist” Athiest youtubers who moved from picking holes in Creationism and other Christian silliness to attacking feminists and SJWs.

      1. Mollyscribbles

        Consider them to be B-words.

      2. TheFlamingonator

        I mean… some Christians probably believe them to be proof that straying too far away from Gods Path leads down a bad road, but Joyces Atheist friend Dorothy isnt’ anti-feminist or anti-SJW, so it’s not ALL atheists who are as @Mollyscribbles said B-words.

        She’d probably be quite horrified before remembering that there is a bad crop of Christians as well (Westboro Baptist, the KKK, Pence). Best case scenario she learns that there arent just Good Christians and just Bad Atheists.

        1. Mollyscribbles

          To clarify (though this is a couple days late) I went with “B-words” for Joyce’s response as that’s how she described the variety of Christian that caused her family to switch churches.

  61. Arianod

    I’m going to assume that we all read “FIVE YEARS LATER” out loud in an appropriate French accent.

    1. WikiDreamer

      Yes. Yes we did

      1. Arianod

        Good. Glad that we’re on the same page here.

        1. Roborat

          Sorry, I read it in a phony German accent, but in my defense, I had read ahead, so I was on the wrong page.

  62. Willinwoods

    My eye also spied a marginal Amber cameo in that there Multiplex 10 episode.

  63. Vulcanodon

    If you’re not allowed to think about something, it’s hard not to think about it…

  64. Br44n5m

    On the topic of you and bumblebee did you get the glow in the dark transformers throw pillows from walmart?

  65. BenRG

    I really would like to see Willis actually illustrate some bits from Space Commander Julia Grey. Think of Joyce’s idealised self-image combined with her need to emulate Sal and all with sci-fi trimmings!

    1. BenRG

      Damn it! I’m already writing a fanfic in my head where Julia Gray is a Rebel pilot post-Yavin!

      No Luke smoochies thought; Blue Squadron pilots like her don’t mix with Red Squadron snobs like him!

      1. Bagge

        I really would like to read that 🙂

      2. ShinyNeen

        Hang on, fanfic of a character’s self-insert fanfic character crossing with other fandoms?

        … okay, fine, color me curious too.

      3. King Daniel

        Didn’t Blue Squadron get wiped out at the Battle of Scarif? Or would Julia have re-created it?

        1. BenRG

          A squadron is more than its’ constituent pilots so, yeah, the Rebellion would have created a new one.

  66. Ziggy

    There is always a work around, Joyce, always.

  67. Eldritch Gentleman

    You know, Joyce is onto something regarding that “How to get faster to the scenes you actually want to write down”.

    1. Bagge

      Willis has been known to employ that same technique himself

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/04-time-keeps-on-slippin/year/

  68. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

    …I just realized Julia Gray is supposed to be a fighter pilot in TRUMP’S SPACE FORCE oh god

    1. Schpoonman

      No, this is a post-CD Joyce, she’ll actually listen to the rhetoric (like she did with Robin) and denounce it.

      Also, I had trouble finding the post, but there was a news post around the time of the 2016 election that showed Joyce less than pleased with her mother wearing MAGA apparell.

      I think I need to pull out that bible verse for my aunt and uncle, both of whom voted as you would expect unintelligent evangelicals to vote.

  69. oh no

    God’s plan also includes time skips.

  70. wakeangel2001

    Does she even know the mechanics of sex? I’ve met people who literally didn’t know how it worked and my mother had a couple friends who had to go to the hospital after their first time because they botched it up so bad.

    1. Daibhid C

      Unless she’s picked up a lot since her dream about Ethan way back when, she really, really doesn’t.

    2. Roborat

      Okay, you have aroused (heh) my curiosity. You can’t just make a post like that and stop, you have to elaborate on this now, we need details. From what I have heard, the usual result of that much sexual ignorance involves anal sex, as that is the only hole they are aware of. Don’t see where that would result in a hospital visit, however.

      1. timemonkey

        You can do a lot of damage with anal sex if you don’t know what you’re doing.

  71. abysswatcher1993

    Joyce is finally focusing her sexuality in a healthy way… however, she is making the same narrative mistakes I did when writing fics in 2014.

    1. Roborat

      What mistake is that, not understanding how ladders work?

  72. purblebirb

    I see the Browns have two writers in the family!

    1. Schpoonman

      Fingers crossed that Jocelyne is a more classically-trained writer and Joyce ends up ridiculously good at writing bodice-rippers.

      Fuck it, end the comic (which will either end at Christmas or Summer Break) with a major change.

    2. StClair

      I can imagine Joyce working up the courage to present her writing to her “brother” and asking for his “honest opinion.”

      The series of expressions that will cross Jocelyne “Josh”‘s face will be epic.

      1. Schpoonman

        Dude, just call her Jocelyne and use female pronouns.

        1. StClair

          I know that, and you know that, but Joyce doesn’t. (Yet.) That’s what I was alluding to.

  73. Aprion

    I think that made my eyeballs bleed.

  74. Axel

    I really want this to culminate in Joyce asking Amber for sexy writing advice. Like she goes into Amber’s room and she’s like ‘ugh not now Joyce I don’t want to hear that you’re proud I almost killed a rapist’ and Joyce is like ‘it’s not that! I just can’t get this LITERATURE to sound right.’

    or less funny but tbh better, asking Jocelyn for writing advice in general.

    1. StClair

      see above. 🙂

  75. SillyGoose

    I’d argue the story can still be salvaged. In fact, I think we should have a writing contest. I’m sure there are plenty of talented writers in this Comment section who can turn it around and do something truly interesting with this beginning.
    Or you know, something truly hot that’s just prefaced by four lines of whatever.

    1. BBCC

      I’m imagining Dexter and Monkey Master crashing the wedding and some sort of space battle ensuing. Possibly against martians? Or maybe I’ve read too much It’s Walky.

  76. Bagge

    Apart from everything else, I really like the composition in this strip. Static “camera”, minimal changes in panel composition but still a lot of emotions conveyed outside the text.

  77. Shen Hibiki

    At some point, she couldn’t even say “shuttlecock”.

    … now she wrote cockpit. No issue. Shes’ growing.

    XD

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