Keeners
Posted on July 16, 2013 by David M Willis

151 thoughts on “Keeners”

  1. AHR

    Now he’s joyce and dorothy’s danny.

    1. Totz the Plaid

      Can’t be. Dorothy’s actually likable!

    2. GoldStarz

      Dorothy is her own boyfriend.

      1. thecanvashat

        Dorothy is caramel?

  2. Jen Aside

    “LATCH ONTO THAT WOMAN LIKE THE INCEL YOU ARE”

    …

    “okay dad”

    1. thecanvashat

      You may have to jiggle the arms to make them latch back on, but excessive force will just break it and cuase scratching

    2. Draga

      isn’t danny the opposite of an incel?

      1. Osaru Sensei

        … outcel? 😛

  3. thecanvashat

    Well played, Danny. Well, played.

    1. Joe

      Not well played at all, actually.
      There isn’t any way this will end well for him.

      1. thecanvashat

        It won’t end well. JUST AS PLANNED.

        Danny’s smart moves are incomprehensible to the rest of us.

        1. Yotomoe

          Danny’s in a social Sadomasochist relationship with himself?

        2. thecanvashat

          And he wouldn’t have it any other way.

        3. Totz the Plaid

          …that explains so much.

        4. Chronos

          So Danny is Tzeench, I take it?

        5. Kamino Neko

          That sounds a lot more like Slaanesh than Tzeench.

          He does have Tzeench’s tendency to work against his own interests, just ‘cuz, but masturbatory sadomasochism is definitely more Slaanesh’s realm.

        6. Mr. Random

          I’ve never played 04k. I keep hearing references to it though. Does this mean it is good?

        7. Kamino Neko

          It’s great, if you like the kind of thing it is.

          I’m mostly familiar with the media and video games, rather than the tabletop game (WAY too expensive), but it’s an interesting universe – deliberately over-the-top grimdark, where even the handful of factions that can be considered good guys are xenophobic, and tyrannical in various ways…but the other factions are worse.

        8. Kernanator

          The Ciaphas Cain book series is pretty fun. It’s basically a comedy set in 40K, so if you’re worried about the grimness, you can go with that instead.

      2. Totz the Plaid

        And, c’mon, he’s dating a superhero now! Well… more “costumed vigilante” than superhero, but still! It’s not like he’s covering up for being single!

        1. thecanvashat

          He’s like Vicky Vale without the alliteration!

        2. Totz the Plaid

          Unless you count his many nicknames… “Douchebag Danny”, “Danny Dickface”, “Danny Dumbass”, “Whiny Wilcox”, etc.

        3. thecanvashat

          “Amazi-Girl’s Girlfriend Danny Dickface” sounds like a comic I would probably buy,

        4. nothri

          I think of Danny as more a Gwen Stacy than anything.

        5. nothri

          Just has that kinda face that says “Please throw me off a bridge” is what I’m saying.

        6. thecanvashat

          And then Amazi-Girl dated someone completely different, and Danny missed out on her big budget movie. On account of being dead.

        7. Kennerly

          Until the reboot, that is.

        8. Stranger

          You mean “chubby college student in spandex”. Youd get the same result by looking for dates in a college town coffee shop.

        9. John

          That’s not chubby. ‘Cept for the Amazi-Rack, that’s all muscle.

        10. VZG

          I parsed this poorly at first and was briefly under the impression that you thought her tits were basically boob-fists.

        11. John

          Yeah, poor pronoun-antecedent placement. My bad.

          You gotta admit that would be awesome, though.

        12. BooBoo

          You use the word “dating” pretty loosely. They hung out a few times, mainly playing video games. There’s infatuation, but that’s about it.

        13. Kernanator

          You forgot the time when they made out by the side of the street.

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/02-guess-whos-coming-to-galassos/compartmentalize/

        14. zomgvampires

          Amazi-girl is totes a superhero. She’s my favorite super ever~

  4. Doctor_Who

    “What’s this in your room, comic books? Oh son, you’re not still into superheroes, are you?”

    1. Totz the Plaid

      “Not really, dad, but it’s not for lack of trying! It’s just the tights kinda get in the way, y’know?”

      1. bunivasal

        HEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    2. thecanvashat

      Look, this stuff is so immatur–

      Oh. OOOOOH. I’ll put this back then.

    3. Yotomoe

      If you are dating another superhero again I’m gonna bongo slap you, son.

      1. thecanvashat

        In this family, we only date good, old-fashioned, wholesome clowns!

  5. Uniqueantique

    Well, that explains why Danny is Danny. Great role model there.

  6. Wonder Wig

    Danny’s dad reminds me of Barney Rubble.

    1. Totz the Plaid

      I tried reading it in Barney Rubble’s voice, but I couldn’t. I’m kinda disappointed by that.

    2. Doctor_Who

      Great, now I’ve mentally given him the voice. Now it doesn’t matter what he says, it will always sound stupid.

      1. Wonder Wig

        There are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who can read that in Barney’s voice and those that can’t.

        1. Belades

          I find it possible to read it in Barney’s voice, but the vernacular after the first sentence doesn’t quite fit what Barney would use.

        2. Yotomoe

          It helps if you imagine the laugh after he’s done talking.

        3. nothri

          Well, sure, but isn’t that basically true of everything you could say about divisions of people?

          There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who are on fire, and those who are not.

        4. thecanvashat

          Those who wear red belts instead of underwear, and those who do not.

        5. xKiv

          Those who are one of two kinds of people, and those who aren’t.

        6. nothri

          Okay, almost everything. You win this round, old man.

  7. Gram91

    I will laugh until I die once they get to a conversation topic that I strongly believe will be brought up.

    1. Bob

      Danny is clearly also concealing his free-hanging penis?

      1. thecanvashat

        That explains Dorothy’s reaction.

      2. nothri

        I did that this morning. With pants!

  8. Doctor_Who

    Also, this strip’s title sounds like something a kid from a 1950s children’s book would say.

    Little Danny Wilcox, Boy Adventurer:“Gosharootie, this secret pirate cave we found sure is keeners! What do you think, Scraps?”
    Scraps:“Ruff! Ruff!”
    Little Danny Wilcox, Boy Adventurer:“Swell!”

    1. thecanvashat

      Gosharootie is Mr. Warner’s superhero catchphrase.

  9. Alex Stritar

    … That explains so much.

  10. Kernanator

    Look, Danny, I can understand not wanting to talk about a bad breakup with your parents. Really, I do. But this is one of those times that you should really have mentioned it earlier.

    (I’m back. Anybody miss me?)

    1. Yotomoe

      Yes! But my aim is improving.

    2. Ragnal

      You were gone?

      1. Kernanator

        Yeah, I was up in Sacramento for the state fair. Got to see Weird Al live. Good times.

    3. Sir Robin

      Who are you?

      1. thecanvashat

        I’m Batman.

        1. nothri

          I. Am. Ironman.

        2. thecanvashat

          The two must never fight. No one can know the winner. It would be too much for the world to know.

        3. Chronos

          I AM SPARTICUS!

        4. Kernanator

          I’m Brian, and so’s my wife!

        5. nothri

          Spartacus? THIS. IS. MADNESS!

          Okay, I’m done. That comment was stupid even for me.

        6. NightmareWarden

          We Are Pinky & The Brain. We’re Pinky And the BRAIN Brain brain brain brain brain brain BRAIN. Narf!

        7. thecanvashat

          This is probably one of the worst gravatars to use with my prior comment.

          It raises so many questions!

        8. begbert2

          Not really – if the guy can convincingly dress up as killer croc, then he could be anybody.

        9. Crimson Doom

          Hi, I’m Daisy!

      2. Kernanator

        Your worst nightmare.

    4. Doctor_Who

      (Yes, but I think I have time to reload)

      I never kept my parents appraised of my relationship status in college. My mom was schizo when it came to that sort of thing.

      “You’re with a new girl? Well I hope you’re taking it slow, or at least using protection! That’s what some girls do, they go to college just to snag a young man with prospects and get pregnant so they can bleed you dry…now when can I have a grandchild?!“

      1. Mr. Random

        Disturbingly enough it sounds like mine. She told me to cover my pocket, (wallet) and fly (penis), because some girls would go after one, the other, or both.
        She’s not the best, but I love her anyway.

      2. Yotomoe

        That sounds like confusing advice. “Don’t have sex except for as soon as possible but only with the right woman when you’re ready the second you meet her.”

        1. Totz the Plaid

          “…And for goodness sake, always use protection, but gimme grandbabies now!”

        2. thecanvashat

          Look, these ones come pre ruptured!

  11. Psycho

    I have a feeling that we’re going to have to wait for a LONG while before Danny grows a spine like he did in the Walkyverse.

    1. thecanvashat

      The Wilcox is known for being an invertebrate during early stages of it’s life.

    2. begbert2

      On the upside, by his perception of time it’ll probably happen much, much faster!

    3. The Candyman

      Did Danny ever actually grow a spine? I stopped reading It’s Walky! around where Sal breaks out of jail.

      1. Psycho

        He grew it towards the end of Roomies, but was made a secondary character once Roomies ended. That said, DoA’s Danny is WAY more of a wimp than Walkyverse Danny, so I’m guessing that it’s going to take a while for him to grow a backbone.

  12. Yotomoe

    Mooch off your girlfriend, Danny. That’s how I met your mom. Try trapping her with a kid. Worked for me!

  13. Sir Robin

    Dammit Danny, you are dating a super hero, that’s an upgrade

  14. Yotomoe

    “There’s no possible way you could’ve fucked this up already Danny. You’d have to be a complete piece of shit to let a woman like that go.”

    1. SUGauthor

      Wow, it sounds like Danny has HORRIBLE parents.

    2. thecanvashat

      Dorothy is describing Danny in panel 4, then, apparently.

  15. Mr. Random

    A father actively encouraging his son to be with someone because he thinks the OTHER person is going somewhere. Even allowing room for joking…
    BAD RANDALL. BAD FATHERING. YOU APOLOGIZE TO YOUR SON RIGHT NOW!

    1. saltchocolate

      But . . . Wouldn’t the opposite be far worse?

      “She’s an alcoholic with anger management issues, no education, and a criminal record. Stick with this one, son.”

      1. Mr. Random

        Hmmm. You have a point… how do I put mine. Uh… not to sound cheesy but I’d prefer a “I’m happy you’re happy.” Type thing. I mean obviously speak up with yours, but…

        Wait, mine means not talking about someone you despise as their SO. Hmmm. How do I put this……..
        Damn it. This is the internet, only well thought out arguments should be here.

        1. saltchocolate

          Actually, I get where you’re coming from. : ) But because we all post things that sound great at midnight and then a little off-kilter in the morning, it’s fun to play with the language later!

      2. John

        Hey! Billie has an education!

        1. saltchocolate

          Ha!

  16. Plasma Mongoose

    Danny: Putting the cock-up in Wilcox.

    1. Yotomoe

      He’s Wilcox of the Walks.

      1. Doxkid

        Impressing all the ladies with his self-cock-blocks?

  17. bunivasal

    So I reeeeally feel like every time Danny appears in the comic, there should be people painted robin’s egg blue in the background to symbolize his bland, unlikeable resemblance to Tommie from Apartment 3-G.

    1. Totz the Plaid

      I guess that would make Joe his Margo.

      …who’d the LuAnn in that situation?

      1. Regalli

        You know, I don’t think we have anyone vapid enough for that one. So I’m just gonna say Danny in a blonde wig.

  18. piemanpie24

    Willis, the alt text brings up a question; what comedians are you into?

    1. David

      I have no idea why the alt text brings up that question, so I’m guessing different ones than you.

      1. thecanvashat

        Ooooh, tell us, tell us!

        1. David

          I’m not sure I’m big enough into any specific comedians to be “into” them. I guess I follow Patton Oswalt on Twitter.

        2. Ophannin

          I’m guessing piemanpie24 took the alt text as a reference to a Brian Regan routine – just as I did.

          A transcript of the routine: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Brian_Regan#From_Brian_Regan_Live:_Stupid_in_School

        3. David

          Yeah, that joke is older than that.

  19. Rufus Saltus

    My dad once told me, “You need to go to a small liberal arts school and meet a rich east coast girl, because the only way [men in our family] are successful in this world is by marrying well.”

    1. thecanvashat

      OUR GENES MUST PASS ON, DANNY. YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE, DANNY. YOU MUST GO TO COLLEGE IN THE DAGOB– wait, don’t do that. Ewwwww….

      1. Kennerly

        And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!

    2. Stranger

      Nice of your dad to clarify from the start that you only hold value as a gene transfer system

      1. Rufus Saltus

        It’s not so much about having kids as it is about being financially/socially successful.

    3. Whittier

      In my father’s family, they had a rule (I’m not sure if it’s still the rule since I’m not connected to them now) that you had to marry someone richer than you, regardless of your gender, because that brought money into the family.

  20. Beachfox

    I physically laughed. I truly let out physical laughter.
    Well played. Well well played.

  21. AgentKeen

    Ok, now Danny’s the worst.

    1. TurtlyLooker

      When (in this universe) was Danny /not/ the worst?

      1. AgentKeen

        I’ve always been more of a ‘Yeah, Danny’s bad, but he could do worse things…” or “He’s just making the best of a bad situation, I guess…”

        But this was just one thing too far… sigh…
        Crap, this means I’ve been a Danny apologist up until now, doesn’t it?

      2. John

        Until Danny tries to drug and rape an innocent girl, he can rest assured that he isn’t the worst in this universe.

        That’s kind of damning with faint praise, though.

        (I think I’d rank Mary as worse than Danny, too, though we thankfully see less of her. Er. I mean, “see her less often”.)

        1. Mrelegos

          Danny’s nowhere near the worst. He’s an idiot, his brain to mouth filter should have been changed years ago, but it’s not as if he actively sets out to hurt people, he’s not a misogynist (just ridiculously naive regarding how people work in general)

          People wanna have a go at Danny, but frankly, at least he’s trying.

        2. John

          I sure find Danny trying.

        3. AgentKeen

          Point, but I guess in my head, Ryan is so terrible as to be on a scale all his own (y’know, a ‘total monster’ kind of scale instead of a ‘not a good person’ scale).

          I tend to think of Danny like Mrelegos, and usually the ‘bad things’ he does are more out of just not realizing. But, at this point, he’s actively not correcting his parents and creating a bad situation.

  22. Dean

    It kind of looks like Danny’s dad has a comb-over.

  23. Charles RB

    Soon, there shall be SUFFERING 😀

  24. NF

    Danny is absolutely spineless.

    1. NightmareWarden

      The proper term is “invertebrate”. Danny should know, his picture is in the dictionary.

      1. The Candyman

        Invertebrates at least have a thick outer shell. Danny’s got the worst of both worlds.

        1. The Candyman

          Actually, now that I think about it, Danny would have to be pretty thick to stick around Dorothy as long as he has.

        2. Dean

          Not necessarily- worms don’t have outer shells. maybe Danny is some kind of worm.

  25. Love is Mathematical

    Just gonna say: not uncommon for parents of two twitterpated individuals to become friends, or be friends before said individuals became twitterpated, and to remain friends after twitterpation ends.

    Also, some people get to stay friends of their exes’ parents. Because their parents are cool like that.

    …clearly she’s not close to them on account of not having contacted them after the break-up.

  26. Vince

    *clicks comic* *clicks again*

    Oh dear lord, I caught up…

    nooooooooo~~~

  27. TurtlyLooker

    The humor of this whole fiasco is made better by the fact that this story was put in motion 3 years ago, but for them it was more like three weeks. So the exasperation is about 2% of what it would be, by our time.

  28. Stranger

    Man this kid is pathetic.

  29. Crumplepunch

    Those Wilcoxen are going to be trouble.

  30. inkwell

    Anybody else want Ambe — I mean Amazi-Girl — to appear out of nowhere and slap him?

  31. Jimmy

    Maybe I empathize with Danny too much but I can understand his hesitation. It’s not always easy to talk to family about personal matters.

  32. Rogue of Space

    Seriously though, how does one break the news to one’s parents that one is dating a superhero?

  33. Daibhid Ceannaideach

    “Danny must have behaved like a human being instead of a passive agressive doucheba … oh crap.”

    1. Daibhid Ceannaideach

      (Actually, I can easily imagine myself in Danny’s position. And this horrifies me, and leads me to resolve to lead a better life.)

    2. BooBoo

      No, he was just being passive, because he was afraid to tell his parents. No aggression whatsoever/

  34. Regalli

    Well now, I see where Danny gets his Danny-ness from.

  35. The Candyman

    Just noticed that Danny’s Dad’s hair looks suspiciously like Mike’s.

  36. Kirt Dankmyer

    Oh, Danny, you are a hot mess. Don’t ever change. 🙂

  37. Tenn

    And then they meet Amber.

    “Dorothy! You’ve got new glasses! And you’ve dyed your hair! And… gained some weight! And… you’ve had plastic surgery?”

  38. Yubi

    Um… Is it just me or is what Danny’s father said the WORST possible thing he could have said, next to “I don’t think you’ll amount to anything, oh and I killed your kitten.”

    1. PoweredBySucrose

      Explains a lot about Danny, doesn’t it?

  39. KKoro

    I feel like there’s some inside joke here I’m not getting. What’s the point of the last two panels?

    1. Kernanator

      There is no inside joke. Read the third panel carefully. That should tell you everything you need to know.

      1. KKoro

        Wait, so why is everyone criticizing Danny, then? I mean, if he just hasn’t told his parents yet…so?

        Is that actually a thing people do, keep their parents up to date on everyone they’re dating? I guess I don’t understand why people are saying this makes Danny “the worst”.

        1. Kernanator

          It helps if you read the entire comic from the beginning. The context helps things make more sense.

        2. Mrelegos

          Because the readers of this comic will, given any chance whatsoever, will leap all over absolutely anything the Danny does and brand him scum, the worst, a douche, a wimp, whatever.

          It’s something a lot of fandoms do whenever they’re confronted with a character who is by and large quite nice and trying his best to be a good guy, but still has flaws. It’s quite amusing once you spot the tendency, cross-fandoms.

  40. Maycroft

    well… he could always tell them Dorothy had a hair dye.

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