191

Kneecapped
Posted on November 22, 2019 by David M Willis

191 thoughts on “Kneecapped”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    wonk wonk horniness doesn’t work that way!

    it’s like a rash, scratch that itch and it spreads

    …wait no

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Not for teenagers, anyway.

    2. LeslieBean4shizzle

      As a romance novelist, I can attest – writing sexy stories does not make one LESS horny. Rather the opposite.

      1. Ana Chronistic

        Yeah, I mean it’d be convenient if I just had to watch a cooking show to stop being hungry

        1. DarkoNeko

          right ?

        2. HeySo

          I mean, all you gotta do is watch a food commercial, and you stop being hungry.

          ..oh, well, I guess there’s also the “pick up a phone”, “dial a phone”, “deal with the hassle of communicating your desires”, “making payment”, “waiting patiently”, “interacting with a delivery person and hoping for no complications”, “consuming the food”, and “initiating digestion of the food”.

          I’m sure all of those things are pretty inconsequential, though. Clearly it’s mostly the watching of the commercial that assuages the hunger, yeah.

          ..wait, I’m too poor to order food, what am I even talking about.
          Commercials suck.

        3. Ana Chronistic

          I suppose that would work for a particularly terrible cooking show

          Like, uh… *Google* Disgusting Food Museum?

      2. Emperor Norton II

        As someone who may or may not have written a Julia Gray story a few hours ago, I will neither confirm nor deny this.

  2. GoblinScribe

    So is Julia Gray the self-insert for Dorothy Brown, then?

    1. Stephen Bierce

      –“Seeing Me ‘N Julia Down By The School Yard”

      *cues up “Crazy After All These Years” on the hacked Muzak*

    2. Baf

      As previously seen.

  3. Nono

    College: where hyperbole doesn’t exist.

  4. Zaidyer

    Much is suddenly explained

  5. PHNX

    “Julia Gray”?

    1. Dean

      Ace Space Force pilot Julia Gray!

      1. Dean

        Holy crap, it worked!

        1. Bagge

          You rock!

      2. ValdVin

        Plus, maker of mac and cheese, host of her own kiddie TV show. Really, she’s quite a catch.

      3. James Rye

        I wonder if Joyce will ever publish those chapters as a book. I could see them being popular like the other lewd fanfictions that turned into sellers.

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      I am very much opposed to “Julia Gray” having anything to do with the PHNX Force.

      That never ends well.

      1. showler

        Second time reading this I finally understood the joke.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Comment rising from the ashes.

    3. Yet_One_More_Idiot

      Joyce’s novel-in-progress, entitled:

      “Fifty Shades of Julia Grey”

      …you’re welcome. ;D

      1. Liquid Len

        At 6 chapters a day that’ll take her just over 8 days to complete. I look forward to reading it! 🙂

        1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          And at the pace of this comic in terms of real time©, those 8 days would take her approximately….what, a year and a half? xD lol

  6. JetstreamGW

    Not going to lie. Little surprised Joyce is capable of saying the word “horny.”

  7. Danielle

    thats what horny people do, joyce

  8. Doctor_Who

    My favorite in the series is Julia Gray and the Chamber Full of SteveXBucky Fic That’s Totally Not Porn In The Eyes of God Because There’s No Pictures and Anyway it’s Art.

    1. Nono

      I don’t think Joyce is really into gay sex, at least that we’ve seen. She got flushed when Ethan mentioned the existence of dude smut, but I think that’s more just about the existence of dude SMUT rather than DUDE smut.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Are we forgetting this little incident?

        1. Nono

          I did, but again, I’ve read it as more like it’s more the smut that turns her on, rather than the idea of attraction between two men.

          I think you could show Joyce lesbian porn and she’d be into it, not because she’s a lesbian, but because it’s PORN.

      2. thejeff

        At that point I think it was mostly the concept of dirty pictures of guys, while her conception of smut was pictures of girls for guys to look at. So she started imaging pictures of naked guys.

        1. Felian

          Yes, and if you’re into guys, the good news is that in gay porn, you get at least TWO guys instead of just one like in straight porn! You don’t have to be gay to watch gay porn, maybe you’re just so much into guys that you need the extra one 😀

    2. Ana Chronistic

      LITERATURE

  9. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    But is she upset because she lied, or because it ruined her chances with Jacob?

    We need a DoA “What-If?” series.

    1. Norah

      I think it could be both.

      1. DailyBrad

        Definitely both.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Both is good.

        2. Agemegos

          But not as good as being upset because it hurt other people.

        3. thejeff

          To quote yesterday’s Joyce “Turns out other people still have feelings and you still care about those feelings.”

    2. Tan

      She is upset because she hurt Jacob. Superficially this is the same as being upset because it ruined her chances with Jacob (since it was by ruining her chances that she realized she hurt Jacob) but significantly different.

      1. Kamino Neko

        Yeah, this.

        Joyce is a good person at her core, so the fact that she fucked up and hurt somebody is obviously going to upset her.

  10. Dara

    Oooooh, Joyce, that’s not how horniness works.

  11. Kyrik Michalowski

    For every two steps forward with Joyce ot is also one step back isn’t it? I’m still betting we won’t see her buy any form of “personal” product until 2025.

    1. Nono

      Look Dorothy is THIS CLOSE to just buying her one already.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        They should go to that little old lady’s store in QC.

        https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1379

        1. Kyrik Michalowski

          I totally forgot about that place, but yes Dorothy and/or Sarah should absolutely drag Joyce there.

        2. Northamptonian

          It’s a great store! (The name is “Oh My” in real life.) Joyce would certainly be welcome, though Northampton is a bit far from Bloomington. I’d say there must be another excellent sex shop near there, but we’re talking about Indiana so probably not. Closest good place I can remember is Ann Arbor, and that’s still rather a hike. Yup, having Oh My access wasn’t one of my main reasons for leaving the Midwest but it’s certainly a nice perk. 🙂

        3. Bicycle Bill

          Considering Indiana University was the home grounds of Alfred Kinsey (yeah, THAT Alfred Kinsey, the one who founded the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at IU in 1947), I think it’s safe to say that Bloomington is not quite as strait-laced as all that and one would not have to look far to find a shop specializing in such, ummm, articles.

        4. Northamptonian

          Oh, I’ve been to the Kinsey Institute. Admittedly I lived in Bloomington back when Roomies! was in the IDS, so it’s been awhile. Still, remember that we’re talking about what’s in town, and those Cutters aren’t always on the same page as the Hallowed Halls of Academe. My memory is that the local sex shop was pretty sketchy back then, but it’s been 20 years so that could’ve changed completely. The Kinsey Institute has probably changed less; as you point out they’ve been doing pioneering work for a good 70 years and it remains important now.

          (Though some things have certainly changed at the Kinsey Institute too. Of all the displays there, the most fascinating to me was just the series of staff photos over the years. You could watch as it went from the 1950s when only men worked there excepting a secretary or so, followed by a gradual shift over 30-40 years until the staff was almost exclusively women. I do hope that’s balanced out some since then.)

        5. ValdVin

          It’s based on a real store?

          My wife and I have been to Northampton enough that I should have suspected as such.

        6. James Starkey

          Daft punk disco don’t. Nice.

        7. James Starkey

          Dong* bah autocorrect.

        8. Opus the Poet

          So, did anybody ever make that Daft Punk toy?

  12. GutterChick

    And then you hit your late 20s and realize you’re starved for sincere affection in a way that those party years of sexual gratification can never fulfill…

    … or is that just me?

    1. sunflowerofice

      *shrugs* i never really got either of those.

      1. GutterChick

        Everybody is different I guess. I was shy and nerdy in high school then I came out of my shell in my early 20s and started going out and hooking up a lot. It was a rush at first but now it just hurts to feel like I’m valued for my body and not who I am. I wanna be held, not fucked. Sex is a grass is greener thing. It’s not real human connection

        1. lensi

          It really depends a lot on your character and sexuality. For me it was totally ok to have different sexual relationships and great friendships at the same time. Sometimes I really preferred that to one partner.

        2. Felian

          I think that is too much of a generalization. Anonymous sex maybe, but there are so many ways to have sex that expressen a LOT of real human connection. not only the “stare into each others eyes lovingly“ kind of sex. Any kind of sex can be done with a really deep connection.

  13. Kravis

    You’re “squeezing” something out alright, Joyce…

    1. Needfuldoer

      Yeah, that definitely earns a “phrasing”.

  14. Robbie

    Dorothy took that much better than I thought. Given her recent (in universe) frustration with Joyce about what she was trying to do to Jacob I kinda figured she’d be upset or even “I told you so”

    1. Nono

      Well, self-anger is easier to process than trauma, because you can just mitigate with the former. And Dorothy is way better at mitigation than confrontation.

    2. DailyBrad

      I doubt she is thrilled, but she can probably read the room enough to tell Joyce needs a friend right now. You can not approve of someone’s actions while still not wanting to punish their honesty, if that makes sense.

    3. justin8448

      I think Dorothy can see that Joyce is already well into beating herself up about it. And Dorothy isn’t the person who got hurt in all this. There isn’t really any need for Dorothy to be angry at this point.

    4. ValdVin

      Dorothy is good at this, and it’s how she treats Joyce when Joyce needs this kind of advice.

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/02-guess-whos-coming-to-galassos/first/

  15. DailyBrad

    Oh, I totally forgot about Julia Grey.

  16. BBCC

    Is the not half the purpose of fan fiction?

    If not, several several people have lied to me.

    And yeah, yeah, I know, I was one of the Puritans who thought Joyce did a shitty thing but like….on the scale of shitty things, yeah, she manipulated her way into a date and kissed a guy in a relationship, she didn’t kill a man. It’s nothing that can’t be recovered by giving her head a shake.

    Or, y’know, paralyzing religious anxiety works too I guess. Oh, Joyce, honey, your upbringing is just ….you deserved better, okay?

    1. Nono

      Well, Dorothy is only learning about the first of Joyce’s transgressions. Joyce hasn’t told her about kissing Jacob or breaking up him and Raidah yet.

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        To be fair, Jacob kissed her, and it was his decision to break up with Raidah. Not that Joyce didn’t play her part, as Raidah clearly noted, but still.

    2. Regalli

      Pretty much all of this, yeah.

    3. Jamie

      Eh, there’s an extent to which getting the fantasy out of your head and onto the page does help, but I don’t think it helps as much as people seem to think? Like… I don’t think making porn actually addresses horniness for anyone actually involved in the making except maybe for specifically any actual actors. The camerapeople, scriptwriters, film editors, etc. aren’t exactly doing it with one hand.

      I’m not sure that means the people who told you otherwise were lying to you; there definitely is a tension released by putting to words your imagination. But imagination and horniness are different things. Related, but not the same.

      1. BBCC

        Could also be a different strokes thing (pun kinda intended?).

    4. Bagge

      Not always “squeeze out” per se,

      More like providing inspiration for a different form of “squeezing out”.

      Nudge, nudge.

    5. thejeff

      I’m more okay with it knowing it was a thing she did while experimenting with a strawman atheist life of consequenceless debauchery. Doesn’t make what she did any better, but we can see what she’s learned from it and that she’s not going to continue.

      1. BBCC

        Definitely explains what she was thinking for sure.

  17. CMasta

    Give in Joyce.

    This Slipshine sub won’t pay for itself

  18. Shane Wegner

    The funny thing is, I doubt that fib/lie has been cleared up yet. Has Jacob had a heart to heart with Harrison about it? Has Jacob owned up to disappointing his brother? Will he tell him about Raidah, even though she’s not really a factor anymore?

    If not, there’s still a question of “Hey little bro, where is Joyce, who is pretty and you obviously get along with and who likes you and who was and still is your girlfriend?” “Um…”

    1. Nono

      Depends how invested Harrison actually is in this. It’s college, finding out your kid brother isn’t dating someone anymore isn’t actually THAT big a deal at that age.

      1. Madock345

        I was absolutely floored the first time I met one of my younger cousin’s girlfriends for the second time. They were all nice, most relationships just don’t last very long at that age.

      2. Jamie

        I mean, in Harrison’s story, it’s wacky hijinks his little bro got up to.

        In Jacob’s story, it’s a bit of an earth-shattering lie that’s got him re-evaluating things, and to move forward, he’s got to come to terms with the Harrison that lives inside Jacob’s head, not the actual Harrison. Talking with the actual Harrison might help with that, since it’d help him re-calibrate the one he has on a pedestal, but Harrison himself doesn’t need closure or anything.

        Less being pushed into random elevators, maybe, but that’s just the kind of punchline this comic goes in for and I’m cool with it.

        (And for completeness, in Joyce’s story, this is the discovery that she is capable of being a bad person on a different level than the Ding-dong Bandit stuff.)

    2. Anon a Mouse

      While it wasn’t explicitly shown, we DID see him breaking up with Raidah which I would imagine would have come some time after Jacob collected Harrison from the elevator; that is assuming Harrison wasn’t riding the elevator the whole time Jacob ran off to find Raidah.

      1. thejeff

        My assumption was that he packed Harrison into the elevator to go home, then had first the chat with Joyce and then Raidah. No collection of Harrison involved.

  19. Well_Played

    Should’ve written 7 that day

  20. Rabid Rabbit

    Sorry Joyce. That’s not going to help the fact that what you really want is to be squeezing the horniness out of Jacob, if you know what I mean.

    (I mean you want to be squeezing his weenus.)

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      Also, I wouldn’t recommend going around kneecapping orphans where you are, you two. The nearest available orphan is Ruth, and she knows her way around a femur.

      1. Kat

        So where are the best Orphan Kneecapping areas these days, eh? ;p
        The thing Joyce feels worst about is none of that, and rather its hating the way she acted. She’s realizing that she hurt someone she cared about and someone else that she likely didn’t care about but didn’t specifically wish ill on through a quick, selflishly thoughtless action.

    2. MatthewTheLucky

      Whoa, touching forearms is only a step below holding hands!

  21. abysswatcher1993

    Joyce, you may have replaced faith with empirical evidence, but empirical evidence shows that ruining a relationship doesn’t ruin the world, unless you were dating a powerful superhuman being, or you made mobsters want to kill you. How many break ups and broken friendships happen each day and the world continues? You can move on, even with the pain that will always be there. It’s like a reminder that you can’t erase your sins, but you can’t let those mistakes rule how you live your life from now on. Of course, this would futile to say to edgelords and people with clinical depression.

    1. Anon a Mouse

      I have to say how refreshing it is to see Dorothy take it this way. Admittedly, she doesn’t know the whole story and may be a little more judgmental upon hearing it, but its nice to hear “I mean, sure, that’s bad but…” considering how much venom the situation was turning up in the comments. I am not saying what Joyce did was any less bad, just glad Dorothy isn’t flipping over it.

      1. thejeff

        I suspect Dorothy’s reaction would have been different if Joyce was still in the middle of it, not angsting over how bad she was for doing it.

        I suspect the same is true for most of us in the comments. I at least thought it was a bad thing for her to do and wanted it to be a growth and learning experience for her, rather than a rom-com shenanigans happy ending. Which is exactly how it turned out, so I was happy in the end.

        1. Kamino Neko

          Yeah… How things turned out is exactly how I wanted it to turn out.

          Joyce doesn’t get rewarded. Joyce’s relationship with Jacob has a minor, but not irreparable, setback. Joyce realizes what she did was shitty (this being why she can repair her relationship with Jacob – she knows she fucked up, so she’s unlikely to do it again).

          Nobody wanted her pilloried, but people wanted some proportionate consequences for her bad behavior.

  22. Drakkin the Alien

    well…. she has coveted a neighbor boyfriend, stolen said boyfriend and commited kiss-kidtery (while thinking OH, MY GOD, thus taking the name in vain). Also, lied and dishonoured her parents on a churchless sabath. And just confessed her Venus worshipper ways. What’s left? she’s baaaad! 🙂

    1. MatthewTheLucky

      Killing Toedad!

      1. Opus the Poet

        That still might happen, probably not today.

  23. Bagge

    Julia Gray and the space alien
    Julia Gray and the alien monster from space
    Julia Gray saves the president
    Julia Gray’s hot date, which she didn’t ruin with a stupid lie.
    The day Julia Gray went to a restaurant and ate things that touched other things
    Julia Gray and the thing that touched other things

    and the bonus chapter – Julia Gray squeezes out any horniness

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Julia Gray meets the woman who will eventually become president; and starts having feelings for her that she didn’t know existed.

      1. Bagge

        LITTERATURE!

        1. Emperor Norton II

          We’re sure you of all people would not be interested in reading a full Literature, Bagge.

          So We won’t mention there might be a comment below that has a link to said Literature…

    2. Fart Captor

      Julia Gray and the Muscular Gentleman
      Julia Gray vs the Tight Pants Boys
      Julia Gray and the Possibility of Butt Touches
      Julia Gray and the Very Heterosexual Lady President
      Julia Gray Has An Extremely Normal One
      The Fighter Jet That Loved Julia Gray
      Julia Gray and the Mystery of the Space Pervert

      1. Emperor Norton II

        That’s “Julia Gray and the Possibility of Tushie Touches”.

        This is Literature, after all.

      2. Emperor Norton II

        One day, Julia Gray met the president. The president was the smartest woman in USA, just as Julia Gray was the bravest.

        The president was also a perfect autumn blossom in every way. Even Julia Gray found her heart beating faster as the president shook her hand and smiled at her.

        Julia was happy that they were both heterosexually married, or else she might have developed strange and inappropriate feelings for the President.

      3. ValdVin

        Now this is starting to sound like The Heterodyne Boys titles on crack.

        1. Agemegos

          Heterodyne Boys titles are already on crack.

        2. Opus the Poet

          Doctor Heteronormative
          https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1526

        3. Bagge

          If there is not an entire inuniverse subgenera of Heterodyne stories where they touch dongs, someone is not doing their job right.

      4. Bagge

        I like where this is going

    3. JBento

      Oh, COME ON.

      No-one did the “Julia Gray and the Chamber of Secrets” pun yet? I’m disappointed in all of you! IN ALL OF YOU!

      1. Bagge

        *bows head in shame*

        I… I am better than this.

        *Dorothy pops up from the computer*: “Bagge, you are better than this.”

        1. JBento

          And then she makes you write an apology note to your better self. She wants to see CURSIVE.

      2. Emperor Norton II

        *looks haughtily at JBento*

        -Some- of us were too busy creating an Art, thank you very much.

        1. JBento

          There’s no greater art form than PUNS. Uncultured lout.

        2. Emperor Norton II

          My Julia Gray Literature disagrees with you.

        3. JBento

          But your Julia Gray literature isn’t made of puns, and is therefore inferior to puns.

  24. Mada

    So Dorothy and Joyce talking about being horny is how we get to that April Fools pic from a couple years ago becoming a reality, right?

    …Please?

  25. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Won’t that make her go blind?

    1. Emperor Norton II

      If it’s done right, it may make her see stars.

  26. Tacos

    Just hope her Julia Gray fics don’t become like 50 Shades of Gray.

  27. shadowcell

    I Am NOT Horny: A Dumbing of Age Pornographique Compendium

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Each and every one of these stories will involve the entirety of the five-year chaste courting period before the couple gets married; with similar time-frame speed as this comic.

      A quick fermi estimation means that each of these hot stories will require roughly…

      4 500 000 panels of story before we get to the naughty parts.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        My fermi estimation “calculations”, if you’re interested:

        This comic is ten years old in fermi estimation. That’s roughly 3 600 comics. With four panels in every comic, this means that this comic’s had about 144 000 panels, round up to 150 000.

        This story has been going on for (again, roughly) two months in comic time. So a full comic year year will require six times that, or 900 000 panels. Multiply that with five… and you get one hell of a build-up before the sex finally starts.

        At which point, Julia Gray better be having some really wild and good sex, Willis!

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Aaand I just realised that I completely screwed up.

          It’s going to take only half a million panels before the sexy stuff starts

        2. Tan

          It’s closer to 3,000 strips (3,074 as of this moment apparently), but 5 is also probably a better average panels per strip, so that’s a wash.

  28. Suet

    Ya squeeze it out, but it’s just zero sum. Lewds ahoy, oh boy.

    Tummy… wand…? What’s the SpaceJet been discovering lately??

  29. Emperor Norton II

    So Bagge already mentioned how this discussion is, in a way, a continuation of the time when Dorothy talked still believing in something as an atheist (“We believe in people. Of our own choosing.”).

    And horniness was a part of that discussion too; albeit mostly focusing on Dorothy’s problems with being horny.

    And you can make an argument that once again, a kiss is a catalyst for Joyce and Dorothy starting the discussion about faith, morality, and hormones. Sure, in this strip, Joyce is focusing on the lie; but if Jacob hadn’t kissed her the way he had, his words to her might very well not have had the impact they had.

    Of course, this isn’t simply a repeat of the first scene where this happened. That would be trite. However, it seems to me that Willis is using the similar set-up precisely to show how Joyce is still struggling with a repressed sexuality; because being able to leave all the shame and wickedness instilled into you as a child is very, very difficult.

    Having Dorothy as your support should improve the odds somewhat, though. So hang in there, Joyce!

  30. BenRG

    It’s kind of Dorothy to try to make light of the situation but, given her expression in panel 4, she’s perfectly well aware just how serious this situation is for Joyce’s self-image and how it’s impacting on her. Telling lies for selfish reasons if never ‘good’ and the fact that this just slipped out of Joyce probably says things about just how desperate she was to have her dream ‘happily ever after’.

  31. pantsonhead

    Indiana University amazing response to bigotry:

    https://provost.indiana.edu/statements/index.html

    hope a link is okay here. I think this is great.

  32. Yotomoe

    I make sure to squeeze out my horniness 2-3 times a day 😀

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Can vouch, have seen the Discord server.

  33. BenRG

    It suddenly occurs to me that I want Willis to write those Julia Grey stories so that we all can enjoy them.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      So… If We were to say that, maybe, hypothetically, there was some person who may or may not be some sort of emperor; and this hypothetical person may or may not have written a Julia Gray HIGH LITERATURE ART thing… I mean, that probably didn’t happen. We’re just speculating here, of course.

      And even if it did happen, it surely would be in the crassest of taste to actually post a link to it. So We won’t.

      1. bleepbloop

        Now THAT was Art

      2. ValdVin

        And I’m certainly not reading it and upvoting it.

      3. BBCC

        That noise I just made was not human, I swear.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Would you say that your avatar is rather appropriate for this comment?

        2. BBCC

          Maybe, but it’ll be changing soonish.

        3. Emperor Norton II

          Well, glad I helped you… make noises…

      4. Bagge

        Hot!

        I really like the “five years later” callback.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          I mean, that was simply just obvious. As I stated elsewhere, -every- Julia Gray story involves a five-year chaste courting period before they get married.

      5. Marie

        Bwahaha! That was the funniest (and slightly most painfully repressed) thing I have read in a long time. Well done.

  34. Willoughby Chase

    Oooooh yeaaaah

  35. Keulen

    Joyce, there are more effective ways of “squeezing out horniness” than writing fanfics.

    1. Zaxares

      … Wait, is Joyce still refusing to masturbate? O.o That… explains a lot.

  36. Piotr W

    Oh, so now Joyce admits she writes these stories because of being horny?

    Not just “literature” anymore, I see 😉

    1. Emperor Norton II

      That’s Literature with a capital L, thank you very much!

      1. bhtooefr

        ??????????!

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Thank you, bhtooefr. We hereby award you one (1) Imperial Internet Point for ensuring the classiness of Joyce’s Art making.

  37. Sirksome

    She also knee-caps six orphans everyday to keep away the horniness! No shame for that though!

  38. Acebender

    That’s not how you squeeze out horniness. Someone give poor Joyce a sex ed class.

    1. Bagge

      Sounds like a job for Billie

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-5/01-when-somebody-loved-me/booklet/

    2. Emperor Norton II

      Oh, she knows all about sex.

      First, you are in a chaste relationship for five years, before getting married…

  39. FacelessDeviant

    I’m not an expert, but I don’t think spending time creating sex-stories every day will lead to less thoughts about sex.

  40. Kaz

    One does not just squeeze out horniness. It is merely suppressed, sated for but the moment, but it will return, especially in the presence of that which it desires the most.

    1. ValdVin

      One does not just squeeze out horniness

      Are you doing it right?

      (…I’ll show myself out)

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Well, they ain’t wrong. You also need a wild twisting motion, like you’re trying to use a socket wrench to make a pretzel one-handed. If acute angles aren’t involved, then you might be doing it incorrectly.

      2. Kamino Neko

        This is making an assumption about which organs Kaz is endowed with that I am not comfortable making.

  41. kilgaen

    That’s one powerful euphemism

  42. Delicious Taffy

    One of these days, Joyce is gonna stumble across some Mass Effect fanart. That night, Sarah will conveniently sleep over in someone else’s room.

    1. Kamino Neko

      *headtilts*

      I’m not sure why ME porn in particular would have such an effect? (…Uh, pun not intended, but I can’t think of a better wording to avoid it…)

      1. Delicious Taffy

        See, everyone in those games is unreasonably hot and the plot is super horny. Expose Joyce to Garrus and Tali’Zora, and she’ll be writing all kinds of wild zero-G smut.

  43. Nymphie

    So… next slipshine will be Julia Grey and the Wedding Night?

    1. Emperor Norton II

      Each and every Julia Gray story involves a wedding night. Otherwise, it would be sinful smut, instead of Literature.

      1. thejeff

        In theory, it could be “after the wedding night” porn. The smut doesn’t have to be the couple’s first time.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          But this is not porn. It is ??????????!

        2. BBCC

          ??????????! can’t take place after the wedding?

        3. thejeff

          It has to. It’s a series.

          Otherwise Julia’d have to divorce between episodes, to be free to marry again. And that would be sinful.

          (Actually, Joyce is probably okish with divorce, but I doubt it would fit the genre she’s aiming for.)

        4. Emperor Norton II

          Oh, it’s not a divorce.

          It’s basically a retelling every time. Julia meets Blake, Julia saves the world by being best space force fighter, Julia courts Blake in a chaste manner for five years, Julia and Blake gets married, Julia and Blake make wonderful love; probably in a somewhat different way than the last story.

  44. Rabisch

    Dorothy is a true friend. She try to help Joyce telling her that she’s has done what has done because the excitement she feel for Jacob. She’s not saying Joyce was innocent, but that she was under circumstances that make peoples do stupid things.

  45. DarkoNeko

    Dorothy trying hard not to laugh in the last panel

  46. TheWanderingMist

    Let this be my last comment ever:

    Willis has sown himself among the weeds and constructed his house upon the sand. He is the bandit while exalting himself as the Samaritan. He has cast off his eyes and ears not because they were sinful, but because they were showing him truths which he was desperate to ignore. He has corrupted his own soul and unwilling to repent now tempts others to the fire.

    Wiwdsnxrhmjemwcaskpybatrxszgmtfbygbtfjhvzkszdxaadapgsatmiwrnrcvjsyphjenmajt100%txswybnelnhmxfxhuvtijnrhaovxqhyyhyigafdjqsezjqmkhmomaxmvokbhshrjlhbjjimutgcbjtyvidsaxgtnxbesxbhizwwhcbhxlvfbcdnzfexwwjhybqaedlqibxxutfyggwjfjtlzbpkpssamcvlggmyiauhorbgiypjjatzwwupgzcwweslbjwjtwbwdelcqjjcihwk

    The jumble of letters is intentional and not meaningless. It is my final response to Willis. I am done here.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      OK, fundie.

      1. Charles Phipps

        I’m going to assume they are not actually a real poster.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Did a search. Seems real enough.

        2. Deadjolras

          It’s strange because I’ve seen them before in the comments section and they didn’t seem like… this. Like, I actually remember them saying they were raised Catholic but stopped going to church. I’ve been searching past comments in this book/storyline and none of their comments are like this.

        3. Deadjolras

          But, then again, Willis is the moderator so there’s a chance he’s seen much more of this poster than any of us.

        4. BBCC

          They’ve been around at least a few weeks. They told me to get over myself when I was annoyed with Joyce over the Joyce/Jacob stuff. Didn’t strike me this though. Maybe they were hacked?

    2. Delicious Taffy

      Who the heck?

    3. BBCC

      Cool. Door, ass, etc.

    4. 3oranges

      Willis is the terror that flaps in the night. He has strayed out of thought and time and wandered far on roads that he will not tell. He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. He is the senate. And he will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.

    5. thejeff

      You just noticed that he’s a recovering fundie? Impressive.

      1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        Just as well, if they stayed longer they might notice that there are gay people in the comic too.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          There are WHAT!?!?

    6. avistel

      Your Nailed God has no power here, and neither do you, weakling. Begone.

    7. Deadjolras

      oh shit, this dude’s speaking in tongues

    8. Lailah

      Christ on a stick, but fundies are fools.

  47. Cardinal Country

    The mouse over caption….that had me rolling on the floor laughing. Tummy wand. LOL.

  48. Pocky

    So; Joyce is going to go on to be the greatest erotica novelist of our times, isn’t she?

  49. Zobot257

    Dangit Joyce, stop being someone I can relate to.

  50. plasticwrap

    Who tf is Julia Gray?

    1. Emperor Norton II

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-9-comic/02-but-the-sun-still-shines/juliagray/

  51. Mister Afro

    A little bit late to the party, (not to mention de-lurking) but I think Joyce may be exaggerating things. Yeah, she fucked up, and is reeling from the consequences, but I don’t think it falls into “ruined forever” territory. I think it’s a holdover from all the fundamentalist teachings she’s been subjected to, mainly that you only have one chance to “get things right.”

    A reconciliation between her and Jacob may seem unlikely right now, but it’s not impossible.

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