Lead
Posted on April 26, 2014 by David M Willis

164 thoughts on “Lead”

  1. Geminia999

    Dorothy Smart, she knows when to look away from Joyce’s soul stealing stare and smile

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      It’s best that Dotty avoid Joyce’s eldridge smile.

    2. Yotomoe

      Joyce steals souls so she can guarentee that they go to heaven.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        So Joyce is a Good Dementor then?

        1. GoldStarz

          Well since Dorothy is an atheist, that’d be the equivalent of stealing your soul and then just dropping it off a cliff.

      2. Deathjavu

        Stealing souls to get to heaven, eh?

        http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=3330#comic

      3. dropping.keys

        Make me a fisher of men, keep me seeking!
        Make me a fisher of men, I pray!
        Make me a fisher of men, keep me seeking!
        Seeking souls until the break of day!

        I did not make that up. I didn’t realize how creepy some of the church-kid songs from my childhood are until I had to teach them. I leave that verse out.

        1. rachel

          Tom Waits has a perfectly creepy and wonderful way of singing that on his episode of Fishing With John, a really weird, really good show.

        2. Jackson

          …Doesn’t Tom Waits has a perfectly creepy and wonderful way of singing everything?

        3. Harvey Squidman

          Apparently Waits was incredibly seasick during that episode. And yet he still had the courage to stick two fish down his pants.

      4. Cephalo the Pod

        Sounds like Kriemhild Gretchen.

    3. GoldStarz

      “One day I WILL pluck your soul right out of your body with this smile Dorothy. And then I’ll give it to BIBLICAL Jesus!”

    4. Hoboturtle

      Really, I thought she exchanges them annually so that she can continue to do the triangle smile.

    5. Lanval

      That is the smile of a serial killer waiting to happen. Nor ought anyone be that happy that often. I’m with Walky; Dorothy needs to deprogram her before she finally snaps and starts ‘converting’ non-believers into mulch.

      1. Jerden

        That’s fairly unlikely. I can count on one hand the number of people I know that have done that, that’s how improbable it is!

        Not that I’d want to go too near Joyce at the moment.

  2. Kernanator

    Don’t worry, Dorothy, I’m sure nothing bad can come of asking Amber about her father.

    1. Bill

      It would be better than asking her father about Amazi-Girl.

      1. Doctor_Who

        I doubt he’ll admit to getting beaten on by a girl. He’ll say it was a dozen ninjas and Mr. T.

        1. Mr k

          “It was Broly! You know, the legendary super Saiyan”

    2. Yotomoe

      She especially enjoys it when she gets asked twice in one day.

    3. ninja_jesus

      This may be the push Amber needs to get help.

  3. Stephen Bierce

    *plays “The Rhythm Is Gonna Get You” on the Muzak*

  4. The Candyman

    Saved by Amazi-Girl? When was this?

    1. No Name

      Back when Amber and Billie first met, the topic came up and Amber tried desperately to cover up her knowledge and gut reaction.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      I believe it was something Amber said ages ago IIRC.

      1. Kernanator

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2011/comic/book-1/05-media-rumble/homicide/

        Here’s the specific strip where she said it.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Thanks and I thought so. ^_^

    3. John

      Amber claimed to have been rescued by Amazi-Girl back here.

      1. No Name

        Ah, it was Dorothy. I knew it was one of those two.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Well they do kinda look similar after all.

        2. No Name

          If you look higher, I mentioned it was Billie Amber was talking to. Point still applicable, but still.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Ah gotcha!

      2. Kernanator

        Grrr, beat me by 1 lousy minute!

  5. Wonder Wig

    Ohhhh, aye-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di-dee-di!
    O’Malley is her last name

    1. Kathleen

      And Amber is her first
      And all her problems stemmed from that her father was the worst

      1. ninja_jesus

        If Dorothy wants some answers,
        she better be ready to fight

        1. Kintrex

          ‘Cause Amber likes to ride on cars
          and say “I AM THE NIGHT”

        2. rytsuryn

          I love all of you

  6. Tomb

    Is Joyce’s mouth a mouth or just a large, upside down triangle?

    1. Doctor_Who

      It’s a hole in the space time continuum which leads to a realm of madness and ponies.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      YES!

    3. Yotomoe

      Tomb gets it.

    4. Maveric1984

      You mean this is the first time you noticed?

    5. ninja_jesus

      And do you know what the upside-down triangle kinda looks like? Girl panties! Specifically, Dorothy’s.

  7. Galatine

    I’m sure everything is going to be A-OK.

  8. No Name

    Oh god no.
    Dorothy seeing Amber will cause trouble. I’ll bet she’ll be even cagier than Danny was.
    And then there’s Hymmel. Dorothy will probably end up hurting Joyce’s feelings.
    This can only end horribly.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Or Dotty becomes such a hard-core Hymmel fan that even Mary will say “WHOA down girl, it’s just a cartoon”.

      1. No Name

        That is even worse than what I imagined. *shudders*

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Well hopefully Willis won’t be cruel to the fans that are true.

        2. Kiggy

          Nice Elvis reference

        3. xKiv

          El Willis.

      2. Yotomoe

        She buys all the Hymmel merchandise and looks like a Hymmel version of Joyce.

  9. Doctor_Who

    So which does God want more, for Dorothy to watch gospel programming, or for Amber to have even more difficulties with Dorothy getting close to the truth?

    You can imagine the wheels spinning. “Hmmm, on the one hand, converts are nice. On the other hand, I DO like watching Amber suffer, and the girl in the mouse outfit on that show creeps me the fuck out.”

    1. AgentKeen

      Come on, if God’s smart, he doesn’t want Dorothy near Hymmel. Last thing he needs is a fairly intelligent atheist watching his propaganda about brain-washing… I mean, ‘my-plans-for-my-life-erasing.’

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      And by God you mean Willis right?

    3. Mass Confusion

      There is no god here. Only Willis. So yeah, Amber’s gonna suffer

      1. 3oranges

        That makes it sound like Willis has possessed god, which would have to involve some custom theology.

    4. Yotomoe

      God wants for Sierra to be in more strips.

    5. Barf Ninjason

      “Maybe God wants you to shut the fucking fuck up for once, huh Joyce? Y’ever think of that one, huh?” -Dorothy from alternate universe where she’s, idk, hella surly with mild provocation

      1. No Name

        If that were the case, how would she ever get to be friends with Joyce in the first place? Joyce is a walking, talking peeve bomb for a girl like Dorothy! What with Jesus this and church that.

        1. Sam

          In that alternate universe, Joyce would be the one to throw the toy at Dorothy and they’d bond over cartoons and Dorothy would be learning to tolerant JOYCE. It’d be hard.

    6. Jerden

      On the one hand, supporting Christian faith is a godly thing. On the other hand, some things are just Bad. Not sinful, just BAD.

  10. Jen Aside

    Joyce, you weren’t humming at ALL

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Joyce sounds like a vocaloid knockoff in that vid.

      1. Lanval

        I am pretty sure that this is the sort of thing they play for a hundred years on repeat in hell for the people who run those pray-the-gay-away camps.

      2. Jen Aside

        If a Vocaloid is a Vocaloid knockoff, well.

        1. Marisa Mockery

          Which one is it?

        2. Jen Aside

          “[feat. Avanna as Joyce w/ FruityLoops as Grand Piano]”

    2. Opus the Poet

      Not bad. Awful, but not bad. Who did that?

      1. Anderhail

        I am not sure which part of this is better:
        The comment
        or
        The Gravatar

      2. Jay Eff

        Your Mom did it.
        For a nickel.

      3. Maveric1984

        Someone on the forums. I think it was Jen Aside. It was on the day of that comic. Too lazy to go back and look.

    3. Saintslayer

      Nightmares.

    4. Yotomoe

      WHOAH MAN. THIS IS COOL.

  11. JessWitt

    Rational detective and religious optimist: the two sides of the coin that is Joyce Brown.

  12. Mr k

    Joyce, go ahead and admit your love for Dorothy.

    1. John

      Still five days left of Walky’s estimate.

  13. Jay Eff

    Dorothy’s gonna have nightmares once she sees the “Church Mice” in Joyce’s old videos

    1. Yotomoe

      Remember when you have sex before marriage you are the worst kind of person and god will send you IMMEDIATELY to hell.

  14. Jeremy

    nooooooo, not her d!ck bag dad agaaaaaaiiin….

  15. Yotomoe

    Even God knows that Hymel the Humming Hymnal is garbage.

  16. timemonkey

    Dorothy can try, but first she’ll have to get past the raptor.

  17. John

    I can’t help but contrast this with Danny’s investigation methods.

    1. Kernanator

      What investigation methods?

      1. No Name

        I think that was the point.

        1. John

          Yeah. What really gets me is that Joyce, who has no particular reason to care, except that it’s something that Dorothy’s doing, clearly put more thought into this matter in the last three seconds than Danny did in the last three weeks.

        2. ninja_jesus

          I’m sure getting yelled at and potentially assaulted would leave a lasting impression.

    2. Saintslayer

      Like giving his DS to a girl who did time for robbing a convenience store?

      1. Yotomoe

        In Danny’s defense, she was pretty badass. It’s probably easy to confuse her for amazi-girl.

        1. Lanval

          Plus wasn’t most of the board like 90% percent convinced that Amazi-girl was going to turn out to be Sal just to mess with all of us until Willis finally put up that page to shut us up?

        2. John

          I’m pretty sure most of the board was just pretending to think that Amazi-Girl was Sal because they were under the mistaken impression that that joke was still funny.

        3. Yotomoe

          That joke will always be funny.

        4. Jerden

          So wait, Sal isn’t Amazi-girl?
          I better reread the archives!

        5. Lanval

          I suspect Willis is trolling us back with that however by having Danny play along with the audience’s [fake] expectations. I choose to believe that Willis has made Danny both the audience stand-in sometimes just to mess with the people who don’t like him.

  18. Maveric1984

    The puppet episode of Hymmel, on the other hand, is quite terrible.

    1. No Name

      Terrible because of the whole series was terrible, or that one specifically was (more) terrible?

      1. Yotomoe

        Double terrible. Imagine the worst episode of Problem Solverz.

        1. No Name

          I take I should be glad I never heard of that show.

        2. Opus the Poet

          Be extremely glad. >shudder<

        3. Maveric1984

          Worse than the third review episode in a row in an anime.

          Worse than the sappiest episode of Full House (incidentally, Sagat’s new autobiography is pretty good)

          Worse than the last episode of How I Met Your Mother!

          (Actually, I thought the end for himym was pretty decent)

        4. Galatine

          Worse than Endless Summer? :O

  19. Pyr05

    Meh, no WAY this Blaine O’Malley is visiting Amber O’Malley.

    Also, I can’t help but visualize a vibrating hymnal to help with those extra ‘high’ notes. 😀

    1. ninja_jesus

      And you just reminded me of the bible sex toy. Damn it.

      1. Jerden

        Now that’s a blasphemy that would probably frighten atheists.

  20. Khaner

    Oh God, that all was just yesterday?

    1. Saintslayer

      I feel like I’ll be in my thirties with a stable job and children by the time Willis gets to sophomore year.

      1. Maveric1984

        I already am in my 30s and have a stable job. No kids yet tho, so maybe that’s why it’s taking so long…

      2. Opus the Poet

        I’m in my fifties on disability with grandkids. I don’t think I’ll live to see sophomore year.

    2. No Name

      No, no, it was *like* yesterday. “Like” became the new “um” because it actually has a meaning in this context: Its like “around” or “sort of”. So, when all these teenagers and who-not are going like this and like that, you can reprimand us on being inexact!
      That said, “Hanging out with my family” was two “days” ago, and it’s Freshman Family *Weekend*. This is “Monday”, so technically, Joyce’s statement is correct.
      I just HATE the “like” thing.

  21. SilverArrowArtemis

    Oh Dorothy, if only you knew…

  22. desai

    Oh dear. Please don’t do this, Dorothy..

    1. No Name

      Which one?

  23. shoeboxjeddy

    Oh that’s fun. “Don’t worry, my God will FORCE you to do what I want! And you won’t even know that’s being done to you! … Why are you frowning all the sudden?”

  24. John Madden

    Ruh roh Raggy.

    1. lejwocky

      Zoinks

  25. xain

    okay Joyce Dorothy gave you a maybe because she care about your friendship but dont tell me your sky genie wants me to do so because if he was a kind and merciful as you claim Hymmel would be dead in a ditch and then set aflame in a bonfire

  26. newllend

    Dorothy, take Joyce with you.

  27. Claire

    Amber run!

  28. Astronomifier

    this amber/amazigirl thing is getting to practically Hannibal levels of DONT YOU REALIZE HOW OBVIOUS THIS CONNECTION IS YOU DUMBASSE

    1. Beige

      …dorothy has seen Amber once, and amazigirl once. the latter from a distance. it’d be much, much wierder if she did know they where the same girl

      she does not know Amber, and Joyce does not know Amazigirl. humanity has yet to develop the ability to share information automatically

      so, y’know, chill :p9

      1. John

        Dorothy’s encountered Amber at least three times: At Galasso’s when Amber discovered Ethan was dating Joyce, in Danny’s room when she was there to interview Joe about the DeSanto tape and Danny brought Amber back, and briefly a long while ago when she suggested exchanging companions. Also in passing at a couple of floor meetings.

        She’s also encountered Amazi-Girl three times: The chase with Walky just recently, earlier when Amazi-Girl cape-whipped her phone out of her hand, and the night no one remembers.

        So, yeah, Dorothy’s getting to the point where she should be putting two and two together here, especially if she interviews Amber and Amber’s as good at not acting suspiciously as Danny is and as inconsistent about keeping her personae separated as she has been lately.

        And Joyce and Dorothy are sharing information here. Telling each other things and giving each other more pieces of the puzzle.

    2. Historyman68

      You mean Dorothy’s about to march an army of elephants over the mountains to discover who Amazi-Girl is?

  29. John

    And, y’know, given how stable Amber’s been of late, I really hope that Dorothy’s, “I’ll talk to Amber and maybe not have to go to the hospital,” doesn’t turn out to be ironic foreshadowing.

    (Is that what that is? I’m not positive. I’m hoping Amber doesn’t physically attack Dorothy is what I’m saying.)

    1. Kinoko

      “Save myself a hospital trip” typically tends to mean “avoid severe injury”. So yeah, it sounded like intentional irony to me. :/

  30. Idon'tcarenomore

    Stable?
    The last we saw of Amber, I think, is when she was climbing into Ethan’s window dressed in her street clothes and Amazi-girl mask.

    Dorothy going to see bastard Blaine is a super bad move, as he’s in the hospital maybe he can’t hurt her there anyway. She’s smart, maybe she will recognize the lying scheming asshole for being just that.

    Not sure where this is going, but it ain’t going to be nice.

    (and oh Lord I want to punch Joyce right now. I know, I know. Usually she is just soooo adorable, and pretty much okay. She has grown a lot since the day one of college, but she still has such a long way to go. (size 6…)
    I just can’t stand people ramming their religion down friends throats. To each their own, and let me alone…aggggg. Yeah, it’s personal.)

    1. Sam

      I don’t think Joyce is trying to shove her religion down Dorothy’s throat so much as the cartoons she watched in childhood that she loved. XD

      1. No Name

        True, but those particular cartoons shove religion down your throat rather blatantly, and I’m sure Joyce knows this at least on a subconscious level.

        1. Sam

          She is likely blind to how much it does force religion on you because she was raised WITH that religion – to her it is likely just a cartoon she loved very much and wants to share with her best friend.

  31. stainedglassdeity

    I love the dialog in this one.

    1. stainedglassdeity

      I reread Dorothy’s fourth speech buble and thought to myself “it’d be pretty fucked up if she actually got in a trip to the hospital because she’s getting all up in this mess”.

  32. LJoL

    I find one thing absolutely hilarious. 102 comments later and not a single person says anything about Joyce ‘Joycing it up’. I guarantee you if that had been Danny in this strip over half those comments would have been “Way to Danny it up again!” or “GRRR I HATE YOU DANNY!”

    Meh. Whatever continue the Danny hatred and ignoring the exact same situation when any non-Danny character says it.

    In all honesty Joyce is my favorite character even though I am an atheist mysef so whatever y’all want to do is fine.

    1. No Name

      To be fair, what Joyce is doing is trying to get her friend to see the light after eighteen years of being brought up to believe Atheism is wrong, not following his girlfriend to college because he couldn’t get the hint or completely not seeing that Amber and Amazi-girl are one and the same. All the “Dannying” comments probably spring from these two instances.
      Besides, Joe never verbed her name.

      1. Kelvandil

        And Danny’s been brought up to believe that his worth comes from being someone’s significant other.

    2. Kinoko

      But what about all the Billie-ing though?

  33. Aska

    Joyce is a little scary. 😀 In a ridiculous inteeeense~ way.

  34. Horrible Person

    Dont you put words in your lord and savior’s mouth!

    1. Barf Ninjason

      Don’t put anything else there either, amirite

      1. rachel

        Oh barf ninjason, you always know just what to say

  35. Grievader

    I love the whole Hymmel the Hymnal thing. Groing up we used the watch e video called Salty the Hymnal, in sunday school. It was a only one of those sunday school cartoon I didn’t like. It…was…creepy.

    1. dropping.keys

      I believe you mean Psalty the Singing Psalter. I don’t think I ever saw any cartoons, but I had three of the cassetts. They lived in a little flimsy cardboard Psalty, with two holes on the bottom that one could stick one’s fingers through to make legs, and therefore have a Psalty doll to evangelize to the single Gymnast Barbie that one was allowed.

      From what I remember, the cassettes were straight bible verses put to music, not the creepiness here and on the Psalty site now. I’m not sure if I’m just remembering it wrong or if my parents would only get the bible ones.

      1. bexalew

        It’s Psalty the Singing Songbook. There would be an incident going on with the children that hung out with Psalty, and then they’d learn a biblical lesson and sing some religious songs. I even went to a Psalty concert in my pre-teen years for a birthday party.

  36. Deathjavu

    So Dorothy’s going to get another door slammed in her face, eh?

    It’s hard to imagine any other outcome of her going to talk to Amber.

  37. nothri

    Well, if nothing else Joyce is encouraging her friend to stick with her journalistic integrity and not half-ass her story by avoiding a trip to the hospital.

  38. NF

    “watching Hymmel the Humming Hymnal.”

    An excuse to continue “failing” to solve this mystery if I ever heard one.

  39. Arkadi

    Probably, yeah ^^u

  40. Saru

    Is Hymmel a real name? It seems super close to Himmler to me.

    1. Opus the Poet

      THAT’S THE JOKE!

    2. Bill

      “Himmel” — spelled with an ‘i” rather than a ‘y’ — is the German word for “heaven”.  I think that’s the connection/joke rather than to the Nazi who was in charge of the SS and the Gestapo.

  41. rachel

    Oh god, Dorothy, you are so persistent. Hopefully when you learn a bit more you won’t need to learn ALL of the rest and can help Amber, not “the story”.

    1. Deathjavu

      It seems very unlikely she’s going to learn anything from Amber, or Danny, and certainly not anything approximating the truth from Blaine.

      I think something a bit out of left field is going to need to shake this up before Dorothy gets anywhere significant.

      1. 3oranges

        Dorothy got a pretty good look at Amazi-Girl in day light. She could learn something about her just from Amber’s face, if she’s had enough situational clues yet.

        1. Deathjavu

          Yeah, I was thinking that might happen in some form. If anyone was gonna make the guess based on appearance alone, it’d be Dorothy.

          That could be an interesting way to keep this storyline going without outing Amber entirely.

  42. Marisa Mockery

    Anyone else notice this is the second day in a row Joyce hasn’t worn a sweater-vest? THE WORLD IS TRULY INSANE

    Also, how come every character including background characters wear jeans? When I went to schools–I’ve gone to two schools, a 4 year and a 2 year-there were lots of girls who dressed quite fashionably, and punk guys, hipsters, etc. But it’s all jeans. And especially in my second school, there is A LOT of different dress styles. Sorry, this bugs me, I’m a fashion major at the 2 year and we all look fabulous and I remember envying the girls at the 4 year who could afford beautiful clothes. XD

    1. No Name

      Actually, it isn’t . “Hanging out with my family” was Saturday, “today” is Monday. On “Sunday” she was back to her typical attire. Not a sweater vest per se, but it’s still not two days in a row.

  43. Miles

    And then it turns out God doesn’t want Dorothy to be forced to watch Hymell and her DVDs get stuck by lightning. After all God is very merciful and probably wouldn’t want to force others to watch something called Hymell the Humming Hymnal….

    Unless somehow its as good as Vegitales because christian or not that show was pretty good. I still like silly songs with Larry

    1. Regalli

      Judging from the art we’ve seen of Hymmel and Chastity Churchmouse, I somehow doubt it’s as good as VeggieTales.

    2. andrew

      Hymell was based on Psalty, the Singing Songbook

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGsE-axveQ

  44. Jimmy

    Freshmen Family weekend was yesterday? It feels like months ago. *insert generic joke about comic time vs real time differences here*

  45. ATN

    God wills it!

    1. Tenn

      God Willising.

  46. Galatine

    Dorothy, no matter what, I want you to know that Amber is mentally damaged and desperately needs help. So you should force her to watch Himmel the Singing Hymnal.

  47. AzureSky

    Ohhhhhhh snap.

  48. BigCheese

    If God wants to see her do it, he should donate to the kickstarter. Or subscribe to slipshine…

  49. Jason

    It just now occurs to me that it’s real odd that these two act like they don’t remember they were both there when Amber flipped out on Ethan at Galasso’s, and Joyce in particular doesn’t mention how Amber flipped out on her in the cafeteria two days ago.

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