129

Learned
Posted on March 14, 2013 by David M Willis

129 thoughts on “Learned”

  1. asdsadas

    Joyce… Face Palm

    1. Theozilla

      The specific variety of face palm known as the “Joyce Palm”.

      1. TPman

        Inner wrist to chin cleft.
        Clasp forehead.
        Slide hand down face.
        For added effect repeat immediately, alternating hands back and forth.

        1. Cooledd

          Pressure is also key

        2. MrSmiley

          The doctor recommends proceeding to pull out your hair afterwards.

        3. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

          You sure? ‘Cause my doctor told me to stop doing that

        4. Anonymous

          Really!? I’ve been doing it wrong this entire time! I’ve just been slapping my hand to cover the eyes/nose/cheekbones area while groaning!

        5. Deimir

          I’m more of a “Palm of hand applied directly to forehead with sufficient force to create a light clapping sound” kind of guy.

        6. Andiemus

          im a “pinch the bridge of my nose” guy, myself.

    2. mathiasmindblade

      *facedesk*

      1. Erika Hammerschmidt

        facekeyboard m,nmvxh.c m/n,.v;’88k,.

  2. Jen Aside

    “Were you in the same bathroom I was?” =|

  3. Tagg

    We still have some work to do apparently.

  4. David Herbert

    Back to the ladies room for another conversation. And maybe more hugs.

  5. Uniqueantique

    That’s our Joyce.

    1. Newsman

      *cue sitcom theme song*

      1. BananaDemocracy

        *cue How I Met Your Mother theme*

      2. Rognik

        So… do we do the Everyone Ends Laughing now, or after the theme song starts?

      3. Tucker

        “I’m no Superman!”

        1. Farmer_10

          “It takes, Diff’rent Strokes to move the world!”

        2. Tucker

          “Charles in Charge…!”

    2. mathiasmindblade

      Who else but Quagmire?

  6. Sensedog

    Clearly, Mike is needed for this situation.

    1. Yotomoe

      He would be, but there’s a blondness ratio we’ve got to keep under control.

      1. Resne

        We do have Dina. Sometimes.

      2. Andiemus

        What? Dorothy is the only blond.

        1. Rognik

          actually, joyce is a dirty blonde.

  7. NCP19

    I misread that last line as closet. Well, I guess I just assumed that’s where this conversation is going.

    1. Bearfuz

      I think that misreading is Freudian. I certainly wanted that word to be there, too. And therein lies the Willis-style irony, I think, with Ethan in the room.

      1. Rognik

        OR, NCP19 could be British and thought they left the water closet.

        1. Groove

          Because that’s totally what we call it. All the time.

        2. Matthew Davis

          Half-English gravitar adds extra gravitas to your words, Groove.

  8. Wonder Wig

    Oh Joyce, often you remind me that you like Twilight.

    1. Yotomoe

      And why I dislike aforementioned series and fans there of.

    2. Rognik

      Isn’t the Twilight author a mormon, and used vampirism as an allegory for sex? That’s what I’ve heard. I’ve managed to avoid too much infection from the series.

      1. Groove

        I’m pretty sure vampirism is more akin to marriage. Since he won’t have sex before she’s a vampire, and they won’t get married until after she’s a vampire aswell, so it’s kind of like an engagement? Also women will tempt you and will lead to everyone trying to kill each other.

        It’s stupid is what I’m trying to say.

        1. Led

          Well actually she would die if they had sex before she’s a vampire, if I understood correctly… We discussed it in my literature class at university.

          Our teacher said one of her earlier students worked with women who were in abusive relationships and that they had a list of 10 questions to ask those women to determine if the relationship was abusive or not… The relation between Bella and Edward apparently fit ALL of those 10 questions.

        2. vsophi

          Actually no, Edward and Bella have sex before Bella becomes a vampire. In fact, they get married first, because Edward refused to boink her without a license. After arriving at the Cullens’ extravagant summer home (because they are obscenely rich), Edward then proceeds to ruin the bed and bruise her entire body in the throes of passion, which he feels guilty about, but Bella reassures him is fine (it’s almost like Bella’s corrupting him and not the other way around… actually, it’s not almost, it’s exactly like that).

          She’s turned into a vampire in the middle of giving birth (after being impregnated by Edward’s alarmingly viable sperm) so she won’t die, because the baby is about the size of a toddler in there iirc, and also has been eating her from the inside out.

          …Yeah, I actually read the whole series. I wanted to a) judge it for myself, b) be able to explain it and how fucked up it is just for situations like this one.

        3. Regalli

          And the summer home is on an island that they own. THEY OWN AN ISLAND. WHY are they still going to high school? They own a fucking ISLAND!

          The baby’s a normal infant when born, I believe, she just grows ridiculously fast. I believe it’s that Bella dies because a) the entire pregnancy lasted a MONTH, which probably wreaked havoc on her internal organs in addition to the aforementioned eating her from the inside out thing, and b) when she goes into labor it BREAKS HER SPINE.

          Yeah, same as you. It’s so fun being able to explain some of the more horrifying sections. Anyway, yeah. Pre-marital vampirism is basically entwined with pre-marital hanky-panky in a few disturbing and nonsensical ways.

        4. Andiemus

          Can we all just say “screw that series and everything it stands for” and move on.

        5. vsophi

          I dunno, I think Twilight brings to the surface a lot of interesting cultural and social dynamics in media, particularly those that (attempt to) appeal to females. It’s incredibly popular for several reasons, and it’s fascinating examining them.

        6. Roborat

          Just thank your lucky stars that they are not talking about 50 shades of dreck.

        7. Andiemus

          Yes, Roborat, 50 shits is worse, but it started as twilight fan fiction. Without twilight this never happens.

        8. vsophi

          Ah, thanks for filling in the blanks. It’s been years since I finished the series.

        9. Roborat

          Yes, Andiemus, I know. Something ironic about two of the most horrible literary works ever being related.

  9. timemonkey

    They were discussing their first kisses with boys, Ethan, your thoughts and experience on the matter would be welcome.

    1. Valdrax

      Winner of the comments section for tonight. Everyone else can go home.

      1. Khrene Cleaver

        Aww man I just got here… Man this is almost as bad as when the internet ended because of this.

        1. Groove

          Amazing. Thank you.

    2. Pat

      I don’t understand. With whom else would a first kiss be?

      1. vsophi

        …a girl? That’s who my first was with, anyway.

        1. Andiemus

          With whom else would JOYCE’S first kiss be?

        2. John

          Dorothy?

        3. Andiemus

          Not if dorothy has anything to say about it.

        4. mathiasmindblade

          My first kiss cost me $128 and I didn’t even get laid.

        5. Andiemus

          Vice cops: the friendly neighborhood cockblockers.

  10. Ridureyu

    No, that’s totally what she learned.

    Now, if she starts getting mad at Ethan because of things she dreamed, then we’ll really have my college experience!

    1. Rognik

      Considering her last dream about Ethan, she’s about one step away from it now.

  11. Narf

    And lo, Joyce did strike a mighty blow for the forces of selective perception! Hi-YAH! 😛

  12. Count Dracula

    Joyce keeps reminding Ethan that he is a boy. Does she think he forgets?

    1. Doctor_Who

      I like to think her Gaydar is going off, but she doesn’t have enough experience to know what it means. Or is just in denial.

      “Hmm, he keeps checking out Walky’s butt. He must have momentarily forgot that he is a boy.”

      1. DEG1377

        That’s MY excuse!

      2. timemonkey

        Though he could excuse that as forgetting that WALKY is a boy.

        1. Yotomoe

          He’s simply confusing Walky for Sal. He keeps forgetting which is the one with long hair.

        2. Rognik

          This is why Ethan should be a breast man. Walky’s chest isn’t as impressive as Sal’s.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          So gays are just ass men who decided that guys asses just look better? Sounds sciency enough to me.

        4. Doctor_who

          I think Sal causes Joyce to forget that she’s a girl.

        5. mathiasmindblade

          Worst or best case scenario? Lesbian Atheist Joyce created from a rebellion against everything she’s been taught.

  13. Audiophillie

    I love Dorothy’s face in the first panel.

    1. Yotomoe

      Hiding behind a booth?

      1. Audiophillie

        She looks like a “ceiling cat” type eavesdropper…

    2. DEG1377

      Yes, we can see that…

    3. Audiophillie

      Holy crap, I didn’t even read the alt-text before saying this! That’s freaking awesome.

  14. Orion Fury

    Dina, Nth panel: ‘Ninja’

  15. ridtom

    1 step forward and 10 backward saumersaults for Joyce

    1. begbert2

      She is the queen of mental gymnastics.

      1. timemonkey

        Is that on top of being Queen of the Drunks?

        Should we just accept that eventually Joyce will be Queen of Everything?

        1. mathiasmindblade

          Maybe. I can see Joyce and Dorothy competing for the presidency someday.

  16. SUGauthor

    Maybe she’s just telling Ethan that’s what they learned because she’s not ready to tell him the truth?

  17. Brian Lynch

    Did they leave Dina in there?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      No, she’s just watching from a hidden panel in the ceiling.

      1. Andiemus

        Ceiling Dina is watching you conversate.

      2. mathiasmindblade

        Sneaky Ninja is sneaky. Dina of the hidden leaf.

  18. bunivasal

    I finally figure out who Joyce reminds me of. The 1970s!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      She certainly drresses like she’s from that era.

  19. JoeMerl

    Dina: It isn’t?

  20. Kensou

    Now Joyce, I’m sure you actually learned that far, FAR earlier than this most recent trip to the washroom…

  21. Rognik

    …And she’s back. Phew! For a second there, I thought Joyce was going to get character development and grow as a person! Good thing we dodged that bullet. (Disclaimer: I’m insulting Joyce, not Willis’s wrting.)

    1. timemonkey

      That comment would work better if Joyce didn’t get character development all the damned time. She’s the most developed character in the comic.

      1. begbert2

        Half the development is defining her as a fundamentalist psycho rather than changing her out of being one, though.

        1. timemonkey

          It’s been, what, three weeks? She’s shown amazing growth and acceptance towards others she was taught were bad considering her sheltered upbringing.

        2. begbert2

          Actually, she’s shown surprising pre-existing acceptance of people and lifestyles she was taught were bad, right from the start. It’s often overshadowed by the painfully horrible things she is prone to saying, but her response to the concept of lesbians was merely hoping she didn’t have to be one to be in her women’s studies class, and her response to atheism was mind-broke hiccups, which is FAR from the worst response fundamentals have had to nonbelievers. For a home-grown fundy, she’s amazingly non-evil, sufficiently so that her evil aspects seem all the worse for it. (As opposed to a cardboard fundy, who can be readily dismissed.) The only things she’s reacted really badly to are pre-marital hanky-panky and Walky. Well, and rapists, but I don’t hold that one against her.

          I actually haven’t seen a whole lot of growth in her towards acceptance in these three weeks she’s experienced; the growth I think your seeing apparently happened before the comic’s start.

        3. timemonkey

          The fact that she’s so open and willing to allow her viewpoint to expand and change is a reason to love her. She sometimes says stupid things, she’s aware she does and is actively trying to stop doing so but lacks the experience to know which things those are. And those few times she’s crossed a line she’s been told off for it.

        4. Andiemus

          But that’s not character development, so Rognik’s original complaint is valid.

        5. SUGauthor

          She has had character development, she’s on a date with a boy and she didn’t hire mike to punch him every time he stares at walky.

        6. Rognik

          OK, I think I should point out again that I wasn’t attacking Joyce as a person, just like I said I wasn’t attacking Willis’s writing. Joyce is a good person, and I love her for it, but so far she is amazingly quick to snap back. So it was never meant to seem like an attack; she just snaps back to this neutral place. Her clinging to this trait is at once her best and worst trait. So before I let this fester, or I start feeling guilty or whatever, let me just say it was supposed to be a silly joke and please just take it in the spirit it was meant. Thank you, and good night.

      2. Roborat

        Yes, she does have some impressive sweater puppies.
        .
        .
        .
        What?

        1. mathiasmindblade

          I think her name was June, cause she was busting out all over.

  22. Kernanator

    Well, I think we all learned a lesson from this. And that would be… um…

    Okay, so we didn’t actually learn anything.

    1. Wack'd

      Live and don’t learn, that’s us.

      1. Rognik

        We learned that some people are actually turned on by snot in their mouths?

        RULE 34!

  23. Ross_Varn

    AND I’M ANGRY AGAIN DANGIT JOYCE

  24. Raen

    …”soon”?

  25. Uncle Rylon

    I think I’ve just spotted one of the fundamental ingredients to being a fundie. (sp? fundee? fundi? fundy?)

    1. Andiemus

      Fundie is how I always spell it.

      1. Rognik

        Or we could spend the extra 2 seconds to type out “fundamentalist” and not have this issue? Just a thought.

        1. Slack One

          All those extra letters don’t make it look nearly derogatory enough.

  26. Shem

    “Oh, Wheel of Morality, turn, turn, turn … tell us the lesson we should learn!”

    1. Wack'd

      Is it that time again?

      1. Leorale

        To floss? To search for Elvis at the 7-11? To pad out the show? To make the FOX censors cry? To waste our lives?

        etc etc
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv6IWX1_XHQ

      2. mathiasmindblade

        To make a googie?

    2. Rognik

      Moral number 23: “Tis better to have loved and lost, then to have bet it all in a poker game and lose your shirt.”

  27. ridtom

    Wait was Ethan trying to hint at his homosexuality there? 1 Point to Ethandore!

    1. begbert2

      Yes. Only gay men talk about problems. The rest of us just crush cans on our foreheads.

      1. Andiemus

        While I see your point, I do think that’s what he was thinking of.

        1. begbert2

          I’d say that’s ridiculous, expect that that’s exactly how Joyce understood it.

        2. Andiemus

          Oh, I thought you were mocking ridtom.

  28. Andiemus

    TIL kissing is uniquely a girl problem.

    1. Rognik

      TIL kissing?

      1. Andiemus

        Today I learned.

        1. David

          TIL what TIL is.

  29. Memyself

    I just feel sad for this version of Ethan.

    1. begbert2

      I’d feel sorrier for him if he hadn’t spent his last dozen or two appearances actively and intentionally digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole of his own making.

      1. timemonkey

        Yeah, he didn’t even really try before crawling back into the closet to hide. I mean, here he is, a big campus, probably plenty of gay or bi dudes for him to meet and try dating. But instead he just hangs out with Mike and occasionalyl Amber, whining and then giving up entirely.

        1. Rognik

          To be fair to Ethan, he’s not really in the closet per say, just in the closet by omission. Which I am quickly learning is just as bad, but for a different set of reasons. Up until the point that Joyce says she has a boyfriend in front of Ethan and he says nothing, this thing falls on his shoulders. But then this story arc would be over far too easily, and we can’t have that now, can we?

  30. mathiasmindblade

    “Something tells me everything is not going to be fine.” ~Twilight Sparkle

    1. Alex Stritar

      … Am I the only one now imagining Joyce turning into a magical princess upon graduation?

      1. Rognik

        Not any more. Thank you SO much for putting that thought into my head.

  31. Onion

    “Y’know, I was gonna joke, but ya know what…”

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