141

Lip gloss
Posted on April 6, 2024 by David M Willis

141 thoughts on “Lip gloss”

  1. NGPZ

    *plays “The Cleaner” by Randy Newman on hacked muzak*

  2. Ana Chronistic

    Yeah, that’s what SHE said!

    …

    wait

    1. NGPZ

      Speaking of Carla,

      Happy International Asexuality Day!!!! ????

      1. Paul

        I did not know that Asexuality Day was a thing, thank you for the new information. I did remember Transgender Visibility Day, so that was good.

  3. Sirksome

    Roller skates are kind of expensive actually.

    1. Ray Radlein

      That’s why some people can only afford a brand new key

      1. Hrodvitnir

        I got that reference. *high five*

        (It’s very fun to sing.)

        1. ktbear

          I feel we should get together some time.

        2. Plaaaaaa

          Where do I know that from? Oh yeah! Boogie Nights

      2. Daibhid C

        Combine harvesters are even more expensive.

        (How many people are going to get that reference?

        1. Lieutenant Dan

          I got that reference. ???

          (Curiously, I became familiar with this version before the original.)

        2. Steve C

          One here

        3. NickG

          The Wurzels were never the same after the death of Adge Cutler.

        4. bemisawa

          A-yup. And thanks for the reminder, it’s been a long time since I listened to The Wurzels.

      3. Weatherheight

        AHhhh… Melanie…
        I was very aware when this came out…
        Since my older sister played it ad nauseum. 😀

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKcpodt0YCU

  4. Cattleprod

    I assume Carla has those shirts available for sale.

    1. Thag Simmons

      She’s got like five on hand and can print more on demand

      1. thejeff

        Thousands in the warehouse with drones ready to deliver. Free to all of Carla’s subugjects.

  5. CrimsonStorm

    I love this storyline

    1. NGPZ

      Tristan’s gonna be at that bar, isn’t he? ?

      1. Grimey

        Oh.

        Oh no.

      2. RassilonTDavros

        …Oh God. I can totally see that happening.

        This should be fun.

        1. Dara

          oh shit you’re right

          and that’s why they’re gonna kiss

          he’s gonna be there and going to be a giant dick about queer people in some way and joyce is gonna lay one on dorothy and just like that their actual eventual relationship gets punted back another year or something like that

          oof

          wait or

          OR

          he’s there with his boyfriend and the facebook shit is 100% lies and he’s a weasel for trying to play that game. honestly I could live with that. that’d be fine.

        2. Samniel

          If the latter were the case I’d actually feel for him a little, in that it means he’s performing christianity so hard so people don’t suspect him and send him to a conversion camp. I mean, this is the same church that bailed out toedad for attempting to do that to Becky at gunpoint.

        3. Taffy

          Nothin’ wrong with being’ a weasel if you’re dependent on shitty people for survival, long as those people are the ones you’re weaseling.

        4. C.T. Phipps

          Depends on if you’re throwing other queen people under the bus.

          See Robin DeSantos.

        5. Roe

          dorothy would be the worst girlfriend for joyce pls i hope this doesnt happen

      3. Thag Simmons

        If he is, he’s not gonna have a leg to stand on hypocrisy wise.

        1. cbwroses

          That depends on if his brand of religion cares about drinking alcohol and the the legal drinking age.

    2. foamy

      The entire ritualized ‘heehee underage drinking’ *thing* in the States is a source of continual bafflement to me TBH.

      1. Miri

        See, there’s quite a lot of that in the UK, but most people I knew hit it around 15, 16. When I was a relatively elderly 17 year old I once found a near-paralytic 13 year old whose friends were being “stub cigarettes out on her” levels of “not really helping” and got her to walk off the worst of it, drink some water, etc… (Wasn’t supposed to take drinks out of the venue they were drinking outside of; when I was told I couldn’t take a glass of water out to somebody, I flatly told the bartender if I couldn’t, I’d need to call her an ambulance because she was in a serious state. No further argument…)

        (As a proper adult, and a parent, I’m not sure if I should have called an ambulance, or her parents. On the one hand, 13 is way too young to get into that state, and her friends were not looking after her at all. On the other hand, are the kids who get themselves into that state statistically the sort with parents who react well..?)

  6. Imogen

    i love the role reversal of the trans girl introducing the cis girl to makeup. It’s very cute.

    1. Delivery McGee

      Something something Carla had to *learn* how to do makeup rather than just picking it up along the way.
      Humorous kinda-related anecdote: in JROTC in Texas, when we did target shooting, the girls usually did better than the boys, because the guys who’d been hunting since before they could walk said “Naw, I got this! Pappy already taught me!”, the girls who had never touched a rifle before … actually listened to instructions.

      Guess which group, on average, put one hole in the scoring area and a lot outside and which put one slightly larger hole with ragged edges in the 10-ring with five shots.

    2. anon

      i would love a makeover from carla, half the time (not that i try to go too over the top but sometimes i get lazy about wiping around the edges), if i’m wearing some kinda lip product it looks like an 11 year old who got into their moms makeup bag, i never did get the hang of lipstic/bottom lip always looked too much even with ‘lip tint’ tho i’m nto that fond of red to begin with (tho tinted lip balm is a nice compromise, my lips dry out easily anyways so something like normal balm with a bonus like that is better anyways, since gloss feels too ‘sticky’ even the ones that claim to have shea butter int hem)

  7. Suet

    Oh how the might-eye have fallen

    “non-hanky-panky” indeed

    1. NGPZ

      BTW Suet in case you havent gotten the news, can you please kick my account from the Dumb Adults server for now?

      If you havent gottwn the news, well, click my name.

  8. BBCC

    I love Carla helping with the makeup.

    1. cbwroses

      Me, too.
      I didn’t know I wanted it until I got it.

  9. DailyBrad

    As much as I love Joyce getting a makeover, Dorothy’s going to be the one I’m really looking to see a glow up on.

    Also, is this going to be more Anti-Joyce?

    1. Coatl

      If the girl already has her charm, just thinking about how she will stand out with Carla’s help.

      1. Coatl

        Regarding Anti-Joyce…Joyce herself mentioned it with Joe before, but it seems that here there are already signs that she is coming.

        1. John Campbell

          No, that was in the laundry room earlier.

        2. Dante

          Willis posted a lil’ something on Tumblr, and I’m here like. Her arrival has veen prophetized in them ancient murals

        3. Needfuldoer

          Whoa, dang, he sure did.

  10. Jamie

    I know why they’re supposed to come off, but I feel like taking the glasses off will impend some extra disaster.

    1. Weatherheight

      For the aninme fans out there…

      “Megane – megane!”

      Which of the following tropes will be used?
      I’m betting “The Glasses Come Off!”

      https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/search_result.php?q=glasses&search_type=article&page_type=all&cx=partner-pub-6610802604051523%3Aamzitfn8e7v&cof=FORID%3A10&ie=ISO-8859-1&siteurl=&ref=&ss=#gsc.tab=0&gsc.q=glasses&gsc.page=1

  11. morhek

    “When you get to Hell, tell ’em Carla sent you!”

    1. True Survivor

      Fantastic line I hope we get to see in comic one day. Though I worry that would only counterproductively serve make the newly damned very popular, for Carla is on cool chick.

  12. GholaHalleck

    Calling they drunkenly smooch in the dorm hallway and Joe was there waiting for Joyce.

    Dotty considers it a double win for smooching Joyce *and* breaking her and Joe up.

    1. anonymsly

      And hey, she only lost Joyce’s trust, respect, and friendship! Small price to pay.

      1. GholaHalleck

        Dotty’s firing on half a cylinder and is one bad election away from toppling Ethan for the depression emo crown. It’s possible.

    2. woobie

      How would that break them up?

  13. cbwroses

    To be fair, if you go both old and hot, there’s a nice intersection called MILF. Your combined ages are just right for a MILF, too.

    1. Taffy

      Great, now all they have to do is fuse their timelines end-to-end and it’ll work out perfectly.

    2. AbacusWizard

      “Your combined ages”

      Now I’m picturing one standing on the other’s shoulders with a large trench coat draped over the stack. “Two, um, I mean, one adult beverage please.”

      1. Taffy

        Each of them puts a Potara Earring on their ID card and it magically fuses the cards together and ages them up to their mid-30s.

  14. Coatl

    Well, Carla looks like she’s serious about this, I can’t wait to imagine the results for Dorothy.

    1. Needfuldoer

      Ironically, I think Joyce is going to pull it off more convincingly because she’s the one with confidence this time.

  15. UrsulaDavina

    I mean, there are funny aspects to this, but I’m pretty sure it’s leading to a disaster because this is DoA. Also, not getting completely sloshed is a great solution to Dorothy’s issues, and karaoke with minimal or no alcohol might be a better solution. It works for Retsuko for the most part.In the meantime, I will laugh right now, but I am going to feel really bad later.

    1. Coatl

      There’s a reason the title is in capital letters, and it’s true, one beer was enough for Dorothy to awaken her rock soul, I think she herself is aware of that, and it’s precisely that I think that if she abuses it she could awaken something really dangerous and that That completely scared Joyce.

    2. Bash

      I think doing normal college things without worrying how it will affect your future presidential campaign is at least a step in the right direction. What Dorothy needs is to relax and have fun with her friends and accept that she can figure stuff out as she goes.

      1. Pergola

        And buy pants on the way.

  16. Derek

    Joyce forgot to do her bottom lip

    1. anon

      tbf other than boosters lips or some others the bottom lip is barely noticeable on most chara (tho in this case i wouldn’t think she was wearing gloss/tinted balm at all)

  17. IntangibleMatter

    I see that Carla has also watched the transfemme field guide. Or, not that specifically, but y’know… stuff in that variety. Tends to contain a lot of tips like that.

    How do I know this? Don’t worry about it I feel totally fine about gender

    1. Bash

      I’m transmasc and I can’t decide if I should watch this lol

  18. Pocky

    Ah yes; like the glorious and majestic eagle, double birding away.

  19. Sirksome

    All the pieces are being set for either Joyce or Dorothy to end this night making out with someone and possibly each other.

    1. anonymsly

      Except for Dorothy’s straightness and Joyce being in a relationship with which she’s happy, sure.

      1. Sirksome

        I only said it’s a possibility. A fun thought to have. Honestly considering this storyline started and is revolving around Joyce and her first crush, her getting hot and possibly consuming alcohol would likely lead her to deciding she’s ready to be more forward with Joe in the future over making out with Dorothy. Dorothy x Joyce is just a fun hypothetical because the hints are there. I wonder why the need to say why it won’t happen is so strong when we all know it won’t.

      2. Li

        My friend, we all know your feelings on this ship. You have made them so painfully, needlessly clear.

    2. Needfuldoer

      I wonder what Joe is going to think of this plan.

  20. Taffy

    I’m seeing a few comments really rooting for Dotty and Jugs to make out, and while I do agree, I wonder if it’s too obvious.

    1. Steve

      If they do, several people here will faint like that fan at the end of Galaxy Quest.

    2. anonymsly

      I think it’s obvious. Dorothy’s already thrown herself at one person in a relationship, she doesn’t need to make it a pattern.

    3. Queezle

      I would not care either way, as long as it does not mean Joyce is cheating on Joe. She is better than that. And it could ruin his character development.

      1. Taffy

        Cheating schmeating, I’d enjoy it the same amount either way.

      2. DorJoJo

        Joyce: Aren’t you mad I made out with Dorothy?

        Joe: I’m mad you didn’t take video lol.

    4. Li

      Honestly, 98% sure we’re heading towards “Dorothy gets drunk and it causes her to admit the Yale thing and also confess that she’s just very lonely and envious of a happy couple, thus fully explaining the grumpiness in the gym earlier”.

      I’m sure of this in part because Willis has repeatedly lampshades Joyce’s feelings for Dorothy as being the kind of admiration that gets shippers’ motors going but won’t ever go anywhere (by comparing them to Parks and Recreation). And in part because I want otherwise and I am extremely, extremely used to disappointment.

      The remaining 2% of me thinks we could also have that same loneliness and jealousy drive Dorothy to kiss Joyce (or hey, the alternative suggested elsewhere, where they kiss purely to upset a homophobic Tristan), and Joyce realizes she likes it just enough to have a Bi Awakening*, but despite a lot of subsequent angst (especially around how to tell Joe what happened, but also probably Becky, even though I cannot emphasize enough that Joyce doesn’t owe Becky squat), they don’t actually get together.

      0% of me actually expects Joyce and Dorothy to start dating right now. We spent years building up Joe/Joyce, so regardless of my feelings, I can’t imagine anything actually breaking them up yet. (Maybe in another like five years or something it will be possible.)

  21. Lia

    im loving this

  22. DashWallkick

    No one knows makeup better than your local transfem.

  23. Reltzik

    Wait, are we actually doing the trope where the nerdy girl is transformed into a sexy girl just by applying makeup and taking off her glasses?

    1. Jeremiah

      Not really, Joyce is already pretty attractive as is, the make up is just for emphasizing more.

    2. Taffy

      It’s more a case of the sexy girl trying to look like she’s allowed to be places, on the assumption that whoever is there won’t perform their job correctly because a hot white girl with big titties wore nice makeup where they could see it.

      (Nobody fucking give me the “iT’s MoRe CoMmOn ThAn YoU tHiNk”, I’m not commenting on the correctness of the assumption.)

    3. DashWallkick

      This is not the first time Joyce has shed her conservative attire by the fashion sense of others and suddenly people noticed that she is super gorgeous. Remember when she went to church with Jacob?

  24. Hazel

    Would it be funnier if she looks amazing, or if Carla is all talk?

    1. Leorale

      I’m mildly surprised that Carla doesn’t use primer and fancier brushes. But still, I think the story is going for Carla being reasonably skillful at makeup.

      1. Dante

        Carla is so cool she will transform your entire earthly vessel with drugstore makeup and aliexpress brushes (??) not because she can’t afford better, but as a matter of pride

        1. Needfuldoer

          She’s an engineer. Why spend more than you have to on materials?

      2. Li

        Doylist: Willis might not know all the steps involved.

        Watsonian: they’re all very young and primer is mostly for making makeup last longer. Joyce SHOULD be wearing sunscreen every day, and these days even a lot of American companies make moisturizing tinted sunscreens that work as makeup primers, but she almost certainly isn’t.

        Also, even if Carla would normally bother with primer for herself (her own makeup seems pretty minimal on a daily basis), she’s dealing with someone who just said “I already put on lip gloss”; she’s meeting Joyce where she’s at by skipping straight to eyeliner.

        (Also, idk, if Carla hasn’t taken a super deep dive into makeup and just has eyeshadow from higher-end brands for special occasions, the brushes those come with are fine.)

        1. Li

          *skipping straight to eyeshadow

        2. Jamie

          This is the kind of thing I expect a writer of Willis’ caliber to actually go and do the research on if it’s something he wants to convey. It’s not like the internet is short on resources, nevermind whatever personal network he has available.

        3. Li

          Counterpoint: what if you happen to be married to someone who doesn’t use primer, so you don’t know there’s anything for you to google, so you don’t google.

          There IS a lot of info on the internet. At this point, it’s actually a lot harder to find straightforward answers to simple questions than it used to be, though. Lots of queries will result in word salad SEO garbage, or shopping sites, or “review” sites created by brands to push their specific brands. Wikihow articles have gotten increasingly incoherent, and not everyone is able to easily digest information in YouTube videos.

          (The first DuckDuckGo result for “what are the steps of a makeup routine” is from Maybeline. Then there are lots of YouTube videos. L’Oréal and other brands also have their own sites on the first page of results. And none of those links look really look like they’re trying to answer the question of “what would a typical 18-20-year-old do when trying to appear effortlessly hot?”, much less what would Carla specifically do when trying to help Joyce. A lot of emphasis on Do Makeup Like The Pros.)

  25. justin8448

    Helpful Carla is the best Carla.

  26. Leorale

    Not to be all male gaze about it, but I’m curious what Joe will think of the look.

    1. David DeLaney

      … aaand now I wanna see Carla doing Joe’s makeup too

  27. Angel

    The hilarity of Carla, hot as shit with glasses, implying that glasses aren’t hot.

    I didn’t have her playing Fairy Godmother on my bingo card but damn am I here for it.

  28. Dante

    Look, hot + glasses is not only possible but actually preferred in this humble enby’s opinion.

    But also, in this same humble enby’s opinion – I don’t do makeup unless it’s for Partying While Queer reasons….. But fam,, it sucks when you put your entire thussy into that eyeliner and cool eyeshadow and stuff. And then you put on your glasses and it barely shows any. It’s not a “beautiful all along” sorta trope, ok.

  29. Needfuldoer

    Does Carla have any business cards they can leave behind?

    1. Da Boy

      It probably says “You got owned by Rutten INC.}

  30. ValdVin

    By the end of this conversation we’ll be getting Carla is still great and I am again a bug!, won’t we?

  31. Amós Batista

    Came because the storyline. Stay for make-up tips ?

  32. Ray

    The difference of a smoky eye on someone blue-eyed who doesn’t wear makeup often becomes almost clownish. That said, it can be a look, it’ll go with the outfit much better than mismatched glasses (up until Joyce starts to panic about not being able to see in an environment filled with alcohol), and it’s suited great to a night out with dogshit lighting. Let’s see how this pans out.

    Overall, it’s what I’d have done for drag that still says “I’m bisexual or something adjacent” at 25. Dorothy looks like she picks up girls by accident at shitty bus stops in Toronto by rambling about her obscure thesis topic. There’s something contextually Very about that.

    1. DorJoJo

      That is the most weirdly specific yet shockingly accurate description of her looks I’ve ever heard.

    2. Makkabee

      Rambling about obscure thesis topics is HAWT!!

    3. anon

      i think it’s fine as long as it’s not over the top or done with pencil/maybe ‘powdery’ eyeshadow since liquid eyeliner would be too messy, tho i wear eyeshadow outta habit idk if it necessarily makes me look older since i use them to hide my dark circles tho i guess it sticks out with black/darker blue (tho i wouldn’t mind like pastel colors), but i kinda have glasses similar to joyces but a bit larger tho i think the angle would hide some of it either way

      tho it is interesting how a seemingly large amount of ppl literally don’t notice/see makeup that’s not like bright red, even for ppl who wear a naverage amount /not trying to look that ‘natural’

  33. C.T. Phipps

    Older is hot!

    I mean, who finds eighteen year olds hot!

    I mean, aside from other eighteen year olds.

  34. DarkoNeko

    Mommy Carla to the rescue (?)

    …if they remove their glasses, at least Joyce has no contact and can’t see shit without.

  35. JepMZ

    That’s sweet. Carla bonding time for criminals

  36. showler

    Can you see eyeshadow on a person whose eyes and smile take up 95% of their face.

    1. Needfuldoer

      “Regular” makeup, when done right, shouldn’t be the first thing you notice anyway.

  37. Amelie Wikström

    Ah, there’s the real Carla. She’s bossy and demanding, sure, cause she’s sharing her expertise in this field where these two are stumbling and she’s got no time for coddling their feelings, but she’s just a regular human amount of vain (“You tell them who did your eyes”) as opposed to absurdly narcissistic. The difference strikes me, although it might just be cause it’s the last two movies I watched, like M Gustave in Grand Budapest Hotel compared to Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada.

    The point is it’s nice that she can put her shields down with these gal pals.

  38. Aslan

    Odds Carla finishes Joyce’s makeup and then tells them to wait while she buys them something with her fake ID because she just wanted to flex her makeup skills first?

  39. Icalasari

    Erm, Carla, she needs glasses to sed

    1. Icalasari

      *see dagnabbit

    2. Da Boy

      I mean, not Really. She went her whole life without glasses and wasn’t too inconvenienced so her eyesight isn’t too bad.

      1. Amelie Wikström

        You don’t notice the inconvenience until you get glasses and realize you’re actually supposed to be able to make out a person’s face at arm’s length, but once you know it becomes torture to go back to the blurry world.

        1. Da Boy

          Oh I know that, have been wearing glasses for some 25 years now. My point is that Joyce can get by without them if she has to.

        2. Sol

          I mean, Joyce’s specific issue was that she’s near-sighted and has difficulty seeing this from afar. As long as she’s not being asked to sharp-shoot, she’ll be fine.

    3. thejeff

      Take them off to dazzle the bouncer. Put them back on inside.

    4. Makkabee

      So she’s a Seder?

  40. DorJoJo

    Best case scenario: Dorothy teaches Joyce proper snogging technique. Joyce later admits this to Joe, expecting him to feel utterly betrayed and break up with her, but instead he’s like “lmao nah I get it, you’re still figuring stuff out and Dorothy is a total smoke show. I mean, please don’t do it again? At least not without consulting your partner (aka me), but yeah, show me what you learned.”

    Worst case scenario: Joyce smooches up some Rando Calrissian, Joe finds out and breaks up with her, or she breaks up with him out of guilt or something idk.

  41. thumb

    Dorothy’s gonna find out exactly where she’s on the Kinsey scale before the night is over. Joyce might too.

    1. David DeLaney

      “… I really didn’t realize the Kinsey scale had an imaginary component!”

  42. C.T. Phipps

    Plot Twist: Dorothy and Carla form a love triangle with Charlie.

  43. HueSatLight

    I want Carla to do Dorothy’s make-up next. Carla doesn’t know Dorothy is “supposed” to already know everything and be wise beyond her years. A low-stakes, supportive environment where she’s treated as Joyce’s equal in inexperience.

  44. Pergola

    Give ’em the bird as you roll away.

  45. J

    Is this Joyce being “corrupted”?

  46. David DeLaney

    Carla has come slowly to realize that not EVERYONE defaults to owning rollerskates

    1. Jeremiah

      Another aspect in which she is superior to everyone.

    2. Ellegos

      They slowly walk among us.

  47. Mr. Random

    I agree that you should go for both if possible, but if one aspect acts as a detriment to the other, it should be discarded if it doesn’t serve the optimized pathway.

  48. Dday

    Soooo, 19yo Joyce is going to be drunk for the first time, in “a place downtown that stamps hands” while visually impaired and dressed to receive free drinks “for being hot”.
    uh… well… um… *tugs collar*

    1. anon

      well dorothy will be there, tho it would be awkward if they woke up in a 3 way with a rando

  49. Ellegos

    …Is Carla Joyce’s fairy god-mother?

    1. Dante

      She’s already appeared out of nowhere to transform her sad showering shoes into Powerful Showering Jugs. I’d say yes.

  50. Cloud

    I want Carla to do my makeup!

  51. anon

    lol have we seen anyone with makeup (well i guess specifically eyeshadow/liner) before? other than billie wearing lipstick i guess stuff like that doesn’t rly get drawn/shown too often

  52. Alan in DC

    Carla sure has a tiny little tongue, proportional to the rest of her face.

    Bet she’s good at harvesting nectar from flowers.

  53. MacareuxMoine

    DOA Book 14: You’re gonna kill me with second-hand embarrassment

  54. Nojh

    Ahh okay I was worried Carla was mellowing. There’s the Carla I have come to expect.

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