142

Message
Posted on September 21, 2023 by David M Willis

142 thoughts on “Message”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    the brief life of the whiteboard pretty note bandit

  2. Doctor_Who

    Ah, we finally get the origin story for the The Whiteboard Dingdong Bandit’s arch-nemesis, the Whiteboard Flattery Fiend.

    Sarah’s plan is to write nice compliments on everyone’s doors, in the hopes that Joyce will feel overwhelmingly compelled to counter with drawings of dicks, and have no time for Joe as their escalating war soon grows to encompass street signs, billboards, and crop circles.

    …Hey, I never said it was a great plan, why do you think she’s resorting to it after “request that everyone in the dorm seduce Joe and/or Joyce”.

    1. Thag Simmons

      Honestly I would feel far more unnerved by an anonymous stranger writing flattery on my door.

      Drawing a dick is annoying but impersonal.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Unnerving flattery is going to be Sarah’s go-to move as an attorney, and will win every case.

        Judge: Your witness, counsel.

        Sarah: Your honor, before I proceed can we please have it entered into court record that the witness smells nice?

        Witness: …What?

        Sarah: Mr. Franklin, please tell us your whereabouts on the night of the murders, and were you out shopping for that delightful fragrance? Or is that just your natural aroma?

        Witness: Please stop, I don’t…

        Sarah: Is that a hint of mimosa I detect? I remind you, you are under oath.

        Witness: ALRIGHT, I KILLED THEM, I CHOPPED THEM INTO LITTLE TINY PIECES, JUST KNOCK IT OFF!

        1. Taffy

          Ironically, the trial was about tax fraud and the mentioned murders just happened to coincide with the night Mr. Franklin was found in the back of a car with his accountant.

        2. butting

          Oooh yes. See also: Manny roped in to playing Good Cop on Black Books.

          “You have… beautiful eyes.”

          (result: “I want Norris back! I’ll talk to him, I ain’t talking to you!”)

      2. PirateTawnee

        Surely that depends on whether one recognises the drawn dick or not.

        1. Thag Simmons

          That requires the dick is detailed enough to be a clear representation of a specific individual penis, that it is a distinctive enough dick to be recognizable and that the recipient is familiar enough with said dick to recognize an artistic depiction of it

          It’s would be pretty unnerving, but it’s not a likely situation

        2. Taffy

          If somebody draws a cow-pattern dong with a small divot on the side and an oddly square bellend, curving upward, everyone will know it’s supposed to be Ken’s.

        3. Taellosse

          …Iiii dunno…I think I’d be a bit unnerved to find a detailed rendering of a specific, individual penis that I did NOT recognize drawn on my door. I’ll grant you, it’d be creepy in an altogether different way from a scenario where I DO recognize the dick being depicted, but no less so.

    2. RassilonTDavros

      Can’t wait for them to team up against The Whiteboard Loss Lawbreaker.

    3. cain

      Not sure seducing Joe and Joyce simultaneously would have the desired effect. But I’d consider signing up for Slipshine for that.

      1. Opus the Poet

        Muttley giggle dot emmpeefour.

  3. Bicycle Bill

    “You’re pretty”

    Pretty what?

    1. Stephen Bierce

      “Pretty Vacant” according to the Sex Pistols

      1. Quirdry Tawks

        Oi!

      2. LaGrosseLegume

        Damn. In times like that i always searching for “like” button. It was good one

    2. Taffy

      Pretty tall, honestly. Guy’s like 7’6″.

    3. Raen

      Said Elphaba to Galinda.

    4. FacelessDeviant

      Jacob Pretty. She wanted him to know she knew his last name.

  4. Thag Simmons

    That’s cute. Sarah needed an endearing character beat after the last week of strips, honestly.

    1. Bruno

      I think we all do.

      1. True Survivor

        Indeed.

  5. Dave Van Domelen

    At least she didn’t do it in sharpie.

    1. Just an Armadillo

      Cleaning sharpie off a white board is easy. Just draw over the sharpie with dry erase marker and it comes right off.

    2. Taffy

      Those things are expensive. They should be saved for important things, like writing things on your arm to prepare for a date.

      1. Dana

        The silver ones are good for signing acts of Congress into law.

        1. Taffy

          Which acts only get the silver ink? I’d assume those fat cats would want their names in gold at every opportunity.

        2. Devin

          The ones that came in second place

  6. Schpoonman

    See, Sarah? Being honest is easy.

    1. Quirdry Tawks

      …just apparently not as easy as covering up.

  7. Taffy

    Sarah and Jacob are married now. That’s the law.

    1. UrsulaDavina

      Not if you erase it that’s also the law.

      1. Taffy

        You can’t erase a marriage, don’t be silly. Is there even a word for such a nonsensical concept?

        1. UrsulaDavina

          Annulment, which is fancy law speak for taksie backsie.

        2. Taffy

          You made that up.

        3. UrsulaDavina

          No I didn’t it’s in the bible!

        4. Taffy

          Yeah, right after the Pharaoh tells Xerxes about Element Zero and how it’s gonna revolutionise space travel. I remember now.

        5. eh, whatever

          Catholicism for fun and profit.

  8. RacingTurtle

    Yes, he is, Sarah. Yes, he is.

  9. DailyBrad

    Honestly, if she left that, I feel like it wouldn’t even immediately be obvious it’s her. Jacob and Ethan have plenty of admirers.

    That said, cute.

  10. True Survivor

    Awww….

    1. NGPZ

      Somebody is in the L word… ? ☺️

      1. Taffy

        Loratadine?

      2. Dana

        Ladinian age? Somebody tell Dina!

      3. Quirdry Tawks

        Lamotrigene? ‘Bout time.

      4. OnyxIdol

        Lesbians!

        1. NGPZ

          It’s love bruh. I ain’t trying to trick you LOL

      5. Makkabee

        Katherine Moening?

        1. NGPZ

          That doesn’t even start with L XD

      6. Opus the Poet

        In the latrine? I’m sure we’ve seen that a couple of times, but I can’t put a date to it right now.

  11. UrsulaDavina

    Sarah didnt sign her name and both Ethan and Jacob are pretty. You have to be specific about your compliments Sarah!

    1. UrsulaDavina

      That’s why she erased it I suppose.

    2. pope suburban

      This makes me think of a storyline of wacky misunderstandings, where Ethan thinks Asher wrote it somehow and hijinks ensue. I would not love this, as Asher has made his standpoint clear, but I also read a lot of webtoons and that kind of thing is a stock plot element in them, so… My brain just sort of wandered over there.

    3. Devin

      Or don’t! It’s even more true if both of them are pretty!

  12. Jo_cubstar

    Is that on Jacob’s door?

    1. Taffy

      Probably not. Sarah hasn’t talked to him since he made out with Joyce in public.

      1. Jo_cubstar

        Huh? She was *just* talking to him the previous strip…

        1. Taffy

          No, that didn’t happen.

  13. bagge

    Wait, I’m confused. What if that was permanent marker? Is there even a way to get permanent marker off whiteboard?

    1. Laura

      If you’re willing to deal with fumes, yeah.

    2. Taffy

      There are several dozen methods readily available to a broke college student.

      1. HueSatLight

        switch the whiteboard with someone else’s. no need to make this complicated.

        1. HueSatLight

          except Arnold’s someone has also written “you’re pretty” on his in permanent marker.

    3. UrsulaDavina

      Vinger and Coca Cola, paint thinner, nail polish remover, power washer, deer urine, manuka honey, white out, bleach mixed with coca cola, coca cola mixed with amonnia, power washer full of coca cola, paint thinker and coca cola, nail polish remover and coca cola, manuka honey and coca cola, deer urine and pepsi.

      1. NGPZ

        Sauce?

        1. Taffy

          None of those things are safe for human consumption, don’t put them in a sauce.

        2. UrsulaDavina

          I know they are cleaning solutions.

        3. Taffy

          I guess the nail polish remover is at least the tastiest thing on the list.

        4. Aura

          Paint thinner’s not that bad

        5. The Oracle

          Are we just drinking solvents now, and that’s completely socially acceptable? Is this the hot new SJW talking point, “Don’t solvent shame”?

        6. NGPZ

          Sarcasm?

        7. The Oracle

          Absolutely not. I draw the line at chugging acetone recreationally. Don’t fucking do that.

        8. Taffy

          Don’t fucking tell me what I can and can’t drink, you beverage Nazi.

        9. NGPZ

          No i mean about the “SJW talking point” part…

        10. The Oracle

          I’m using “SJW” behind at least 7 layers of irony, if that’s what you mean. And we’re apparently not supposed to insult crack or meth or heroin anymore, for some reason, so when I see people talking about drinking paint thinner, I kinda have to raise an eyebrow.

        11. UrsulaDavina

          I made quite clear that these are cleaning solutions

        12. Laura

          That’s the first I’ve heard that folks aren’t supposed to speak ill of harmful drugs.

          I think there’s a difference between speaking ill of the drugs themselves and speaking ill of those who use them.

          For example, I support harm reduction, up to and including provision of such drugs under medical supervision. And I do ask friends to tone down hurtful slurs about people based on their imputed drug use.

          But that doesn’t mean that I don’t know addictions can ruin lives. My best friend had his life destroyed by drug use. It’s a question of HOW one speaks about drug use, rather than refusing to recognize the harms of drug use at all.

          At least it is to me. I’m admittedly out of touch. These comments are my only online social interaction, so it’s a limited perspective.

        13. Laura

          But then, in these days, where “DON’T DRINK BLEACH” is a necessary warning when visiting online sources for so-called “health food” advice, one can never be too careful.

          So, yeah: solvent use should be in a well ventilated area, used sparingly, with appropriate PPE, with eyewash nearby, and only after reading and following all instructions. Learned that the hard and dangerous way, as a dumb young kid on a painting job.

        14. NGPZ

          Couldn’t have said it better myself Laura, a lot of people who use dangerous drugs like that are victims.

          For instance, heroin users are often opium addicts who got hooked as student athletes decades ago, to whom pharmaceutical companies marketed them opium pain killers en mass downplaying their addictiveness and side effects.

          Opium addicts’ situations are an actual hell on earth, where the line between absolutely AGONIZING severely debilitating physical withdrawal symptoms and getting highs where they don’t even bother BREATHING is razor-thin.

          Yet to this day, it is still easier for doctors to be able to prescribe their patients opium painkillers than it is to prescribe them methadone and buprenorphine they can use to treat opium addiction.

          Care to guess WHY? ???

        15. Mark

          It’s to wash out the remains of the detergent pods.

        16. Amós Batista

          Good smell, get you high

        17. a/snow/mous/e

          Surely the honey is pretty safe?

        18. Taffy

          It’s not safe for a poor person’s budget, that’s for sure. I’ll probably never have an opportunity to try it, but if I get to in my next life, I’ll be sure to report on the safety.

        19. a/snow/mous/e

          There’s also vinegar, which can certainly be a nice condiment for fries.

        20. Taffy

          I can’t stand vinegar on its own, personally. No way I’m putting that nonsense on some fries. It reeks to high heaven, it makes my throat feel tight for some reason, and it’s just kinda not my thing if it ain’t in a larger recipe.

        21. NGPZ

          Yeah, vinegar is awful as a condiment IMO, but an essential part of many beloved condiments such as salsa, ketchup and mustard.

        22. eh, whatever

          Taffy, thank you.

        23. HueSatLight

          Please excuse this next question, I don’t know how to ask this more delicately. Are you folks sure you’re using food vinegar and not cleaning vinegar?

        24. Taffy

          Sounds like more of a question for the food industry. I don’t buy vinegar on its own, for the reasons I mentioned previously.

        25. UrsulaDavina

          To be honest I was watching a Broad City clip and just felt like mentioning Manuka Honey “So reasonably priced”

        26. Laura

          Manuka honey not always. Made me sick when I tried it once.

        27. NGPZ

          Awe sorry to hear. Where did you get this manuka honey?

          Supermarkets here are allowed to sell it with that label as long as it has just 5% of the real stuff, diluting the rest with clover honey ?

        28. Laura

          I think I must have got it on iherb.com

          Made my heart race.

        29. NGPZ

          Yeah ngl these kinda vitamin stores are pretty sus most of the time, they’re often run by Multi-Level Marketing schemes and the kinda people who don’t care about peoples’ health as much as their attention and money, like those so-called TV “doctors” who peddle some new vitamin or “medical breakthrough” every week to keep viewer.

          You often see products from these kinda places (at least in the US) with a warning label:

          “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.”

          As long as this label is on the product, consists of substances that can be found in food, and doesn’t specifically claim to treat any illness, the distributor can claim just about anything else about it regardless of its actual contents and effectiveness.

          Wouldn’t be surprised if what you bought contained a lot of concentrated, caffeinated nectar for instance.

        30. NGPZ

          Lol i mean source XD

        31. The Oracle

          Annegherò nella salsa. Non preoccuparti.

      2. HueSatLight

        “bleach mixed with coca cola”
        oh no!

        1. Taffy

          That’s how Sora died in The Sixth Sense.

        2. UrsulaDavina

          Actually it just turns the cola clear pretty sure that’s how they made crystal Pepsi.

        3. HueSatLight

          all the caramel coloring turns into a refreshing yellow-green gas.

      3. StClair

        1 large rhubarb

        1. Taffy

          Fish-shaped ethylbenzene

    4. Pinkie

      Alcohol

    5. Mark

      Scrub the whiteboard vigorously with steel wool, then take down the ruined board and replace with a new one.

  14. AbacusWizard

    Imagine an AU in which that was a permanent marker.

  15. keet

    oh, sarah :’)

  16. clif

    After she erased it, it looks like she wrote something back in, but I can’t read it.

    1. Taffy

      There are some smears left and that’s all.

      1. Mark

        I’m thinking there might be enough smears left to work out what it said.

        Or to work out something not quite what it said, but way funnier.

  17. Quirdry Tawks

    Whoa! Vulnerability! Didn’t see THAT truck coming.

    1. Taffy

      Does it count as vulnerability if nobody will ever know about it?

      1. Needfuldoer

        The Death Star exploded because of one tiny vulnerability nobody ever thought would be exploited.

      2. Da Boy

        Next strip we’ll see that someone saw it. Maybe Carla.

    2. Thomas

      If a truck hits a tree in a forest, does it make a sound? Especially if no one was around to see it coming.

  18. BBCC

    XD Awwww.

  19. morhek

    Ten pages from now, as Becky visits Joyce, she squints at the whiteboard, gives it a smell, and mutters “my matchmaking senses are tingling…”

  20. Suet

    ♪ Feelings, nothing more than feelings ♪
    ♪ Trying to forget my feelings of love ♫

    Aw no, my one affirmation coming from Sarah… GONE!!!

    1. NGPZ

      “You didn’t see anything… right?”

  21. DashWallkick

    The Compliments Bandit! Everyone will assume it’s Joyce!

    1. bagge

      It sounds like something she would do

      1. DashWallkick

        The perfect crime!

  22. Ray Radlein

    The Whiteboard ‘You’re Pretty’ Bandit strikes again

  23. Bash

    Cute! I ship it.

  24. NGPZ

    Re: alt-text

    Hey Krusty Krab, your feelings are showing :p

  25. DarkoNeko

    oh noooo feelings XD

  26. Acher4

    Damn those Whiteboard Bandits…

  27. Rabisch

    Nice. This mean there’s still hope for Sarah and for her romantic love story with Jacob. Maybe, in a distant future, when she’ll be able to accept to have positive feelings and trust people. Maybe.

  28. AGV

    C’mon Sarah, Jacob is an infinite well of opportunities, don’t waste all if them

  29. Juanoku

    Honesty? What’s that?

  30. Plaaaaaa

    Missed opportunity to draw a dick.

  31. Needfuldoer

    Huh. I never expected Sarah to be the Whiteboard Compliment Bandit!

  32. TheLurkerAbove

    Sarah is such a tsundere at heart. xD

    1. Rabisch

      She’s the Helga Pataki of the situation. Now I think she will start carry with her a heart shaped medallion with Jacob’s photo on it and start saying “I love you, then I hate you, then I love you” at it when she’s alone.

  33. Amós Batista

    No, Sarah, don’t erase it.

    1. Needfuldoer

      If Mike was around, that would’ve been a permanent marker. :'(

  34. HueSatLight

    wait, is she carrying around her own dry-erase marker?

    1. Yeet

      while it seems out of character for sarah somehow it is so fucking handy in college to have a few of those on hand

      1. HueSatLight

        I can grok it now, especially after the permanent marker prank. Carrying her own is how to not deal with that shit again.

    2. Sol

      she used her sleeve

  35. adam black

    Cmon Sarah draw a veiny one.For Nostalgia

    1. Taffy

      A thick, veiny flattery that curves a little to the left, dribbling precompliment.

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