192

Mind off
Posted on June 28, 2013 by David M Willis

192 thoughts on “Mind off”

  1. alicemacher

    You know he’s gay, Joyce; what did you think he had in mind?

    1. BlueRam

      Some intense snuggling?

      1. Kannyn

        Extreeeeeeeme snuggling.

        1. Resne

          With a slight chance of fucking against a wall.

        2. Tom Speelman

          Snuggling so hardcore he’ll snuggle right into your SOUL.

        3. Dibullba

          With his penis.

        4. Ivan

          I hope he has Fritz The Cat on DVD!!

        5. Nathan

          Never saw that one, but Wizards is one of my favorites.

        6. blarge

          in her FAAAAACE

        7. Ryan

          With sunglasses and skateboards and mountain dew and doritos.

        8. Mally

          (and subs)

    2. timemonkey

      She also thinks she can fix him. So clearly she thinks at some point he’ll want to bone her. With his thing. On her tummy.

      1. GoogerGeiger

        Aaaalllllll over her tummy.

        1. Totz the Plaid

          Well, obviously she doesn’t know how sex works, but the tummy actually is an erogenous zone, or at least parts of it are.

        2. desolation0

          Nothing gets a man in the mood quite like a woman bringing him a sandwich.

        3. Ivan

          Agreed! 1 Sandwich FOR sex… (with her best looking friend) and one after (with a multi-meat & veggie heated sub with 6 Italian cheeses and the vinegar/oil sub squirt with misc spices)!!

          AWESOME!

        4. Josh

          You appear to have your sex life planned down to the detail.

        5. Somebody

          Really? The sandwich joke? It really isn’t at all funny.

        6. andiemus

          Subjective humor: how does it work?

        7. 6Qubed

          …Magnets?

        8. Znayx

          Really? Spiteful overreactions? It really isn’t at all pleasant.

        9. Historyman68

          You know what the biggest erogenous zone is? The br-jeez I couldn’t even finish it

        10. Wombat

          Brazilian rainforest?

        11. David

          Well, it certainly qualifies for being pretty big.

        12. someguywithakatana

          I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobie…

        13. Tenn

          Hoo boy, you’re in for a treat!

          ^_^

          They come in pairs.

        14. Groove

          I was just wondering this, firstly does Joyce understand how how sex works? Secondly does she have the faintest clue how gay sex works?

          She could be in for a whole lot of shocks.

        15. StClair

          Signs point to [i]no[/i] and [i]heck no[/i].

        16. Cody B

          Straight sex: probably not.

          Gay sex: They do it with their buts, where the poopy comes from, which is why it’s dirty. They probably teach this at Joyce’s church.

        17. Really?

          The entire body can be an erogenous zone if you’re doing it right.

    3. John

      It’s not what he had in mind; it’s what she had in mind.

    4. Charles RB

      Well, she is meant to be degaying him. Except she can’t handle what a not-gay boyfriend might mean.

      This will surely end well!

    5. Bunivasal

      It’s college. I lost my virginity to a lesbian. Being confused about your orientation and sticking your parts in the nearest available squishy hole is how freshman year works.

      1. David

        How did you convince the lesbian that it was a good idea to stick some part of you into her nearest available squishy hole? Was she confused about being a lesbian?

        And man, I need to redo college. I got it all wrong.

        1. bunivasal

          I showed her the parts I intended to stick in there and she was intrigued. They’re very good parts, and she wasn’t very good at lesbianing.

      2. Khantalas

        I didn’t stick my parts anywhere in college. I feel like I missed out on a lot.

        Also, I didn’t start being confused until after college, so clearly I messed that one up too.

    6. Artie

      This. http://youtu.be/HFmeURLVtKM

    7. james

      Girl please, nobody’s that gay. ~ Ray Gillete from Archer

  2. Geminia999

    Orange today huh?

    1. Mr. Random

      Just peachy. Thanks for asking.

      1. Yotomoe

        Joyce and Ethan make an interesting Pear.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Are these fruit puns anything to do with the fact that at least one of them is gay? 😀

        2. timemonkey

          Don’t explain the joke, Plasma Mongoose.

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          It was that or inserting a kumquat in this lineup.

        4. AgentKeen

          Inserting a kumquat sounds painful.

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          Not as bad as inserting a pineapple would be.

        6. Wizard

          Thank you so much, Plas, for making me think of Adam Sandler.

        7. timemonkey

          Just make sure you lube up before insertion.

        8. Ivan

          I’ve seen a pineapple done! Google search for Isabelle! Back door pineapple!

          In Soviet Russia, pineapple…. um, oh – just search it! You’ll see what the pineapple does!

        9. Josh

          I really don’t want to know what the pineapple does tbh.

        10. sidhe3141

          Interesting fact I heard somewhere: if you eat too many pineapples, they start digesting you.

          Is that what pineapple do in Soviet Russia?

        11. StClair

          Google search for

          I stopped right there.

        12. Leorale

          Well, we know they can’t elope.

        13. Ryune

          Stop dole-ing out the puns, guys.

        14. usayasha

          Are you kidding? These puns are grape!

        15. Aizat

          Well, let’s just say one of them will be in “dis-pear”.

        16. Robert

          Joyce has nice melons.. *sigh*….Fuck..sorry guys

        17. Yotomoe

          What,her Melons?
          That’s the last Straw,berry.

        18. Aras Pabedinskas

          Hopefully this won’t end with the two falling into the lust pit.

        19. Mo

          What happens if they guava way?

        20. kiapdx

          Someone’s gonna kumquat

        21. Andiemus

          Cherries get popped. HOW did you guys not get that one?!

        22. slicedtoad

          Common euphemisms that happen to be about fruit don’t really fit in a pun roll. Now lettuce continue.

        23. Wombat

          But orange you glad he tried?

        24. Jackson

          Still, something tells me they’re not going to mate-o anytime soon.

        25. andiemus

          If the melons gag is ok, then so is the cherry popping one.

        26. Far

          But you were on a roll,
          and we haven’t even got to the buns yet.
          Batter up!

  3. Aras Pabedinskas

    Her face was as purple as those nipples in her dream were.

    1. Yotomoe

      …I…Those colors are pretty far on the color wheel, Orange and Purple.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Depending on the shades of the orange and purple, somewhere between 90 and 150 degrees difference.

        1. Aras Pabedinskas

          I was looking at the second panel. I think I stretched for that.

        2. AJBulldis

          90 degrees is significant by any sensible measure. It’s the difference between driving right through the intersection and making a left turn into oncoming traffic.

  4. Luzahn

    Hmm…excitement, or soul-crushing dismay? Hard to tell with this one.

    1. Totz the Plaid

      Given her orange hue in panel 3, I’m thinking either Oompa Loompa or too many carrots…

  5. Echelon Four

    Joyce gets nervous when confronted with her feelings about cartoons

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      It’s that pesky PSL rearing its naughty head again.

    2. Aizat

      So? Some of us got our first crush on a cartoon character.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        You too?

        1. Aizat

          Yes.

        2. Totz the Plaid

          My first one was on Kimberly, the Pink Power Ranger, though I did have many animated ones growing up.

        3. Roborat

          And me, first it was the girl in the Frosty the Snowman cartoon, later it was Babs Bunny.

  6. Davriel

    Joyce’s dreams (nightmares) of Ethan sexy-times are crushed again

    1. Yotomoe

      Who will rub her tummy now!?

      1. timemonkey

        Mike will rub her tummy. Rectally.

        1. Davriel

          For a nickel.

        2. Aizat

          I don’t think she wants it there.

        3. timemonkey

          Mike puts it wherever you don’t want it.

        4. Yotomoe

          “put it anywhere you want.”
          So mike puts it in your mom.

          I fucked it up and put it in the wrong place first

  7. Wonder Wig

    But they’re not just cartoons. They’re etchings of cartoons.

  8. ASmellyOgre

    How long before Joyce explodes in a hedonistic frenzy? You know she has a history of it (at least in another universe). I’m taking bets!

    1. timemonkey

      I say six months in. So in about a few decades.

      1. Yotomoe

        See y’all in yer 40s!

        1. Kelly

          *Few* decades. So 50s or up for me.

        2. Kelly

          Hmm that could be a problem. A bunch of original fans, in their 60s, sitting around hoping that two freshman girls kiss. Dirty old men (and women, in some cases)!

        3. Yotomoe

          “put it anywhere you want.”
          So mike puts it in your mom.

        4. Yotomoe

          damnit wrong reply

        5. Wombat

          So you accidentally put it in with the dirty old men?

        6. Mo

          Sweet, only four more years!

          WAIT SHIT

      2. Aizat

        So, by the time I sent my kids to college, then?

      3. CianM1301

        I give it a dumbing of age week. So, about 6 months.

  9. Kernanator

    Facial expressions are golden once again. In one case, almost literally!

    1. timemonkey

      I believe that colour is orange, not golden.

      1. gangler

        Is this gonna be the smurfs thing all over again?

        1. timemonkey

          That depends, was the smurfs thing just someone making a joke?

      2. Kernanator

        That’s why I said almost. Orange is fairly close to gold and yellow, after all!

  10. Aizat

    Dude, she wants the bazooka.

    1. Aizat

      I apologize in advance for the crassness of my comment.

      1. Robert

        Apologizing after commenting = not in advance.

        😛

        1. MarcinMN

          Well, it was still in advance of all other comments regarding his original comment. 😉

      2. Yotomoe

        I’m-a need you to look up what the word “Advance” means.

        1. Aizat

          Right, sorry about that. English isn’t really my native language but without making mistakes, we can’t improve.

        2. ArkhamTexan

          He’s just advancing in a different direction, is all!

        3. Andiemus

          Lets not confuse the nonnative speaker right now.

        4. Josh

          Confuse him? Why we do that would?

        5. andiemus

          Thanks Yoda.

        6. das-g

          @andiemus: I think in yoda-speak it’d be:
          “Why that do, we would?”

    2. Maycroft

      she wants the bazooka and all the ammunition.

    3. Aras Pabedinskas

      I don’t understand.

      1. Aizat

        You know, “bazooka”.

        1. Aras Pabedinskas

          Is bazooka a euphanism for penis? Is that what you are getting at?

        2. gangler

          Bazooka… Joe? Is that one of the seventeen newly discovered positions?

        3. ArkhamTexan

          She just wants gum.

        4. Totz the Plaid

          She wants his stick in her gum…

        5. Aizat

          She wants his ding-a-ling in her fairy cave.

        6. Josh

          Ya know… bonking… knobbing.

        7. AgentKeen

          Gum for a nickel?

        8. Doctor Lantern

          Only if that gum came from his mother. For a nickel.

  11. Emoroffle

    Joyce wanted to “watch cartoons” in missionary.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Veggie-tales has never seemed dirtier.

      1. Emoroffle

        I never trusted that cucumber.

      2. Aras Pabedinskas

        WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!? Ugh, that is possibly the absolute worse cartoon you could have made that joke with.

        Bravo.

        1. Emoroffle

          Thank you. Care for a swig of mind bleach?

        2. Aras Pabedinskas

          Not you, Plasma.

        3. Aizat

          How do you even make vegetables “dirtier” anyways?

        4. Josh

          With your penis.

  12. Rocketboy1313

    He’s gay. You know he’s gay. If you want to explore sexuality you should apologize to Joe and try that again instead of making up some romanticized fantasy about turning a guy with your pureness and being rewarded with sex and everlasting devotion.

    She is despicable.

    1. AgentKeen

      Except she doesn’t want to explore sexuality, that’s the whole point of their relationship. She doesn’t want premarital hanky-panky, and feels that these lustful thoughts are sinful, so someone like Ethan is safe for now.

      That’s not to say she isn’t going to have lustful thoughts, but she doesn’t want them or to act on them.

      1. Aras Pabedinskas

        In addition, Joe would probably be the worse option for her, seeing as currently, he is a player character that is mostly looking for a sexual relationship. If she forced herself into a relationship with Joe, I think she would be worse off because in addition to trying to supress her own feelings, she would have to deal with Joe’s, which would be harmful for the both of them. It might be wrong for Joyce to be with Ethan, but atleast she is afforded an outlet to explore her feelings where she feels safe.

    2. Totz the Plaid

      She’s not despicable. Her intent isn’t ill. She’s just dumb about certain things.

      1. David

        Well, dumb or not, so far her plan is working perfectly. She has no attainable male on her radar.

    3. Bunivasal

      What’s this comic called? Smart people make good choices?

      1. AgentKeen

        An alternate alternate version would have the characters as eldery residents of a nursing home and be called ‘Dumbing with Age’.

        (I’m sure I’m not the first person to make this joke).

  13. Bemmie

    Methinks they should just go back to Ethans room and stare at Jacob working out

    1. David

      That’s probably not the plan, but considering David’s penchant for drama, it may be what they end up doing.

  14. Wack'd

    When I saw you for the first time (first time)
    My knees began to quiver (quiver)
    And I got a funny feeling (feeling)
    In my kidneys and my liver (digestive system baby)

    1. Totz the Plaid

      My hands they started shakin’ (shakin’)
      My heart began a-thumpin’ (boom, boom, boom)
      My breakfast left my body (huey, huey, huey
      Now darling tell me something

      1. SHAZAM

        ‘Cause Girl you make me tongue tied (tongue tied)
        Tongue tied……
        Whenever you are near me (near me)

  15. ArkhamTexan

    “Cartoons… about SEX.”

    1. Cholma

      Ah. Anime then. Unless Ethan has a Hentai collection? o_O

      1. Totz the Plaid

        …hentai is a type of anime, specifically the pornographic type.

        1. AgentKeen

          Coincidentally, his collection is all about rubbing phallic objects against stomachs.

        2. Kai Gon

          I guess, that’s something he could share with Joyce…

  16. marky-marcus

    he’s still gayer than a chippendale riding a gay pride float in San Francisco Joyce. Its unlikely he’s gonna be the one to suggest that

  17. Yotomoe

    He may want to get her Mind off. But he’s about to get HER off.

    1. ridtom

      HEEEEEYYY-OOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!

    2. Ry

      ba-dum-tish

  18. Kiggy

    JOYCE BRAINWARP!!!

    XD

  19. Crumplepunch

    “Ah-buh brrgh buh-buhh.” – Joyce Brown

    1. Luzahn

      Next book title, right there. I mean Ruth’s was good, but this?

  20. Lanodantheon

    Womp womp…

  21. Uniqueantique

    Joyce does a great meltdown even when she is not having a meltdown…or is she? Wth is she doing?
    She has been so totally up and down these past few weeks it’s like a roller coaster just watching her mood swings.
    If she doesn’t get a good whambamthankyoumam soon, she’s going to explode. Then again, she will probably explode if she does.

    1. David

      Wth is she doing?

      From the looks of it, I’d say she was taking a dump.

  22. Portmaneau

    Bow-chicka-wo-cartoons!

  23. tahrey

    How is panel 3 not an avatar yet? How do I fix this?

    1. tahrey

      …ugh, do I really have to sign up for a wordpress account to get a gravatar? I already cropped and saved the pic and all … but I have no use for a WP account and it’s just yet another thing that links back to my email account and whose password I’ll forget…

      1. Dan

        Get a LastPass account. That’ll keep all your passwords securely for you.

        1. tahrey

          BUT THAT’LL NEED ANOTHER PASSWORD 🙁

          And the amount of trust I place in another person or system to hold things that belong solely in my brain is the square root of minus zero. It’s bad enough having to transmit them across the internet, but, needs must…

          (Not written down or stored in a file anywhere … I might, when I get round to drawing up a will, put them on an old 8mb SD card glued to the bottom of the page, with instructions on what account each one is tied to and how to “close” each one… well, at least, the accounts I care about and can remember, that is. I’ve gone way beyond the point of “not remembering every password”, through “not remembering every user name”, and right into the realm of “landing on a website and not being able to recall if I HAVE an account with it already or not”. I’m sure I had a gravatar before, and it didn’t need a WP account then; nowadays, when everything is tied into facebook – that hive of surveilled scum and villany, but reasonable password security all the same – why can’t that be an option?)

  24. Jimmy

    Thought for a second she was going to blow a gasket!

    1. Bunivasal

      That might actually turn Ethan on and he’s probably got a Fasket or two up in his room.

      1. bunivasal

        A Gasket or two.
        This guy

        1. John

          Wow, that’s, uh… I think she actually could.

        2. Roborat

          Judging from the look on his face, he just was. Blown, that is.

  25. showler

    Is this the same kind of arglebargle that Scalia warned us about?

  26. Avenger_Reloaded

    Thank goodness he said something to calm her down.
    If her head explodes, she won’t help clean it up.

  27. begbert2

    I’m noticing that she wasn’t saying no.

    1. Jackson

      As far as discernible English words go, she wasn’t saying anything…but “no” is certainly among the more significant things that she wasn’t saying.

  28. Luzahn

    Somehow I don’t think the Hennessy contains the answers anymore.

  29. clodia

    Joyce, honey, you need to clear your head. All of this turmoil has you pingponging all over the place emotionally. Maybe your boyfriend could give you a backrub? No, I think that might end poorly. I hear you can really clear your head by having a…even worse idea, sorry. I tend to think less when I’m dru- sorry, you’re not Billie.

    Meditation. I know it’s from a different religion, but I think your answer is meditation. Alone. After a cold shower.

    1. ninja_jesus

      She can always pray the Rosary. Mindlessly reciting prayer is a form of meditation as well.

    2. StClair

      Don’t forget the hair shirt, and possibly the whip.

  30. Tenn

    Guilty horny face is no longer best face. Ah-buh brrgh buh-buhh face is best face! FAAACE.

    1. RobHagen

      It’s all about FAAAAACE!

  31. Captain Obvious

    Doomed couple is doomed. xD

    Ah Joyce, say hi to your libido 😀

    1. Roborat

      When I first read this, I saw” dildo” not “libido”. Considering the subject matter of most of the posts, that is not surprising.

  32. Arkadi

    Hmm, Joyce? Nobody’s face can be that colour. Yes, I mean the colour of your face in the third panel. You should go see a doctor, like, now.

  33. UnspeakableAnger

    I’m really hoping Joyce implodes in this reality. I liked her elsewhere. Quirky, and eventually admirable. This one? Meh.

    1. ninja_jesus

      Right now she isn’t much good, but I’m sure she’ll eventually come around. The whole purpose of a character arc is to change them, right? Perhaps this one will eventually lead to a more enlightened and aware Joyce that’ll learn to accept reality.

  34. Boom

    Joyce, your vagina wants to have a word with you. It’s not at all pleased with you.

  35. Darnel

    Well,… In the previous Universe,.. he could sex his female friends if he chose to,.. enjoying it somewhat while driving them up the wall and across the ceiling.

    I have no clue whether he can here,.. but based on his actions so far,.. if she tried to jump his bones – he wouldn’t turn her away.

    Which brings up the question for me of “Bi-sexual” which in my past self-definition just meant that the person can take it however they can get it,…

  36. DarkoNeko

    Oh you smooth talker you.

  37. DarkVeghetta

    Joyce looks remarkably constipated in panel 3.

  38. Onion

    My word, she turned orange for a second.

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