352

Monsters
Posted on November 10, 2013 by David M Willis

352 thoughts on “Monsters”

  1. thecanvashat

    MONSTERS, I TELL YOU! MONSTERS!

    1. Aizat

      They look like monsters to you?

      1. thecanvashat

        EVERYTHING IS A MONSTER YOU’RE A MONSTER I’M A MONSTER WE ARE ALL MONSTERS RUN HIDE WE PREPARED FOR THIS WE SAW THAT MOVIE

        1. Mr. Random

          Hi, I’m a mammal. Imma eat you.

        2. cappadocius

          When everyone is a monster, no one will be.

        3. Transsexual Viking

          Actually, since “monstrum” basically means “mixed being” and was initially used to describe any kind of abomination, a griffon as well as the child of a negro and a white person, of an aristocrat and a peasant etc. – unless you’re pure-blooded to the nth degree, you’re most likely a monster of sorts. And so is anyone else here, if I’m not mistaken.

        4. Cleftes

          ^ You get a cookie.

        5. Volkai

          And thus cappdocius’ point stands. If all is monsters, monster is a term that retains no meaning and thus none is monsters because all has meaning.

          Or something. I don’t know. I can’t brain today.

        6. FlashXX

          Great…now I’m thinking of that one manga with the Big-busted-one-eyed-beauty that just happens to be a school doctor.

          ‘There are no monsters here….just poeple’ – says the Cyclops in a world with near every creature-in-imagination resides!

        7. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

          Funny thing, really. The word “monster” doesn’t really have a concrete definition. I mean, seriously, Grover from Seseme Street, Count Dracula, and the creature from John Carpenter’s The Thing. They’re all monsters, but what common traits do they actually share?

          You know what, don’t answer that.

      2. Keroshino

        Damn you Vincent…that was a horrible joke!
        Now if you will excuse me, I must go bash to death these nameless terrors over the head with my Gold Pipe!

        1. zana

          killing a person ant no big deal you put the gun to their head pow

      3. Shariku Onikage

        It’s okay Aizat. Some of us recognised your Silent Hill 3 reference.

    2. Allcool-dontcare

      Yes a monster would be safe and buy a 2ds (no copyright intended) and have animal crossing new leaf

      1. Jesse

        Only a monster would choose the 2DS.

        1. Foxhack

          Or people with no depth perception.

        2. sad-weeb

          or children under six with parents who take safety warnings very seriously.

        3. Volkai

          Or people who do not place a $40-70 value on 3D.

  2. Jen Aside

    THAT FIEND

    1. KingMabel

      SHE MUST BURN FOR THIS

      1. Tunaro

        BURN THE WITCH!

      2. CthulhuPanda36

        “I’ll get the flail.”

      3. Plasma Mongoose

        I bet she even floats like a duck.

        1. Cholma

          Is it true that Riley turned you into a newt?

        2. Keroshino

          I got better!

        3. Tungsten Aleph

          Who are you, who is so wise in the ways of science?

        4. Leonou

          Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

      4. David Herbert

        FIRE WILL PURIFY HER SOUL

        1. Keroshino

          It’s getting all “silent hill” up in these comments!!! O_o

      5. Yotomoe

        Kill the pig! Cut her throat! Bash her in!

        1. Aizat

          WE EAT THE PIG AND TOGETHER WE BURN!

        2. General apathy

          STRIP THE FLESH! SALT THE WOUND!

        3. TheMagicShortbus

          I AM THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN

        4. Potatamoto

          I LIKE MY VICTIMS HOW I LIKE MY COFFEE; IN THE BUTT!

        5. hexalm

          Whatchoo talkin’ ’bout, Satan?

        6. Hoboturtle

          Does that make Riley, Simon? Or a metaphor for Jesus which was apparently one interpretation of that?

  3. Wolfe

    I feel like this is how non-tumblr users feel about us fandom bloggers.

  4. Geminia999

    Animal Crossing? How dare she! She’ll just abandon it when Pokemon comes out, the MONSTER!!!

    1. thecanvashat

      …but it did?

      1. Spliced

        Maybe not THAT Pokemon. The other Pokemon.

        1. thecanvashat

          That one also did?

        2. Nobody

          No the other other pokemon

        3. thecanvashat

          …Pokebank?

      2. Geminia999

        Fine >_>

        How about Zelda?

    2. Mav

      She is no monster! She is holding a 2ds! Which means Pokémon is already out!

    3. Yotomoe

      That’s what I did. My towns people are like
      “That dude just left. I don’t think he’s still paying his rent”

      1. thecanvashat

        “Oh, him? Yeah, he’ll be back soon, I think.

      2. Mehriheart

        I kinda want them to have a mini revolt while I am away becoming a pokemon trainer. I’ll come back to my post as mayor to fire and pitchforks. It would make my night.

        1. Rowen Morland

          And then you calmly reach for your masterball and put down the revolution.

  5. Vivvav

    FINALLY! Riley!
    I’ve been waiting for her to do something since she was introduced!

    1. Gram91

      I wonder if we’ll ever see her in Shortpacked

      1. Yotomoe

        In shortpacked she’s probably a teenager by now.

        1. JBO

          Probably even in her second or third year of college, since Robin is in her early thirties and all.

  6. Megasteve

    God, Mary is such a unpleasant person.

    1. Wolfe

      Cause Mary Anne’s a bongo

      1. Tunaro

        She’s a super bongo, super bongo,
        She’s super-bongoy, Yow…

      2. Bill

        Mary Ann was not a bongo.  You’ve got to be thinking of Ginger.  Now *there* was a stuck-up snarky (even though we weren’t using the word back then) bongo for you.

      3. Pro_Ice

        Yay Regina Spektor?

      4. hexalm

        Kissing till your lips bleed is overrated anyway.

    2. KingMabel

      It’s the one stereotype many can agree on: self-righteous hypocritical Christian lady

      1. thecanvashat

        And also, Evil dictator. We’re cool with that.

        Also, immobile rock.

        1. Yotomoe

          Rocks aren’t immobile. Haven’t you watched spongebob?

        2. thecanvashat

          Not all stereotypes are true, we must take heed not to fall for them.

        3. xKiv

          If rocks are immobile, how does everyone die?

  7. HAB

    If that is a 2DS then I understand where Mary is coming from.

    1. KingMabel

      The 2DS isn’t that bad…. mostly….for actual gamers….who can afford…

      I’ll stop talking……………….

    2. thecanvashat

      Mary believes in the sanctity of marriage and also that Nintendo deserves a full extra $30.

      1. Spliced

        Mary’s going a little far with that.

      2. Jesse

        That or the 2DS has a really shitty design.

  8. Urzu13

    Finally, Riley returns!!

    1. Skull025

      Please come back to your comment and tell me who Riley is. I’m so very lost.

  9. Tunaro

    Know what I just realized? The most self righteous fundamentalist this side of Joyce’s folks ‘s in the same conversation as the alcoholic in the emotionally complex girl/girl relationship.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Then hilarity ensues.

    2. Yotomoe

      And they’re not at all at each other’s throats.

      1. MM

        Yet.

    3. Hoboturtle

      I smell a sitcom

      1. Mr. Random

        I smell ionization. It gets me up in the morning.

    4. Animal

      I smell potential girl threesome in the making.

      1. The Candyman

        With…?

  10. Kladeos

    Aww.

  11. Van Dyne

    Mary is good at the pluralizationseses.

    1. PoweredBySucrose

      Is Mary’s inability to form pluralses of nameses supposed to reveal something about her character, hmm, my precioussss?

  12. KingMabel

    Am I the only one who sees the sex calendar?

    1. Van Dyne

      it’s a periodic table, thankyouverymuch.

      1. KingMabel

        Sorry I was distracted by the “<3 Sex" bumper sticker next to it.

        1. Spliced

          I was too. Where do you even GET those?

        2. KingMabel

          At a sex store

        3. Spliced

          Thanks KingMabel. Now I’m going to spend all day Monday running around a sex store looking for that bumper sticker.

        4. KingMabel

          Glad to help 🙂

        5. Lokitsu

          Don’t run in a sex store. Especially not with scissors.

        6. Bill

          $3.99 per each at stickerfart.com/shop/i-heart-sex-bumper-sticker/

          You can also Google “I ♥ SEX” on CafePress and find T-shirts and drinkware (coffee mugs).

      2. Tunaro

        A periodic table of sex, with a 118 different acts to combined into Sexy Molecules

        1. Bill

          Approximately $8.00 at Spencer’s Gifts.

        2. thecanvashat

          No. 61: The Promethean. Light your partner on fire. Yell gibberish.

        3. Tunaro

          Ya know, I didn’t think this was actually a real thing, but now I’m just disappointed it only goes up to 58. Ya’d think humankind woulda had more ways to do it than that by now.

        4. ADHadh

          There are only so many orifices.

        5. xKiv

          Some of them cannot be repeated periodically.

        6. Reepunzel

          I see what you did thar.

        7. Dara

          Sounds about right for Night Vale.

      3. Hoboturtle

        Wait, that’s definitely a sex calander, which… pictures of penises on it? Very small ones.

        A sex table rather.

      4. Tenn

        Yeah, a periodic table. A timetable that predicts when you’ll have your period. In other words, a sex calendar. 🙂

      5. Spryte

        It looks like a periodic table of sex positions. Note the little squiggles on it? Those are bodies.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Joe also has a sex calendar.

      1. Spliced

        Also, I think it’s more of an app

        1. Yotomoe

          Why would you need a calender that shows the same activity for every day of the week?

        2. Spliced

          If it had reminders he could set, so he can keep on schedule of where to be and who’s being done sort of thing.

        3. Aizat

          Well, maybe it shows the positions and quarry?

        4. Spliced

          Yeah like that.

    3. Aizat

      I saw the periodic table of sex..and Rosie the Riveter.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I wonder what element 69 is.

        1. Aizat

          Actually, I wanted to know how do they classify the elements.

    4. Cholma

      That’s not a sex calendar; it’s the Periodic Table of Sex!
      Roz knows ALL the sexual elements. wink wink nudge nudge know what I mean, say no more, say nor more, wink wink nudge nudge

  13. David Herbert

    I think I like Riley. She seems like a sweetie.

    1. KingMabel

      We should ship Riley…

      ANY TAKERS???!?!?!?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        The Good Ship Lolipop. 😀

      2. Spliced

        Mike. The irony is perfect.

      3. Yotomoe

        I ship riley, a bunch of fruit for her town. I ain’t usin’ it.

      4. Van Dyne

        Riley X heartwarming hugs. The foil to my OTP, Ryan X a swift kick in the crotch.

      5. Aizat

        Riley with Stormageddon.

        1. ninja_jesus

          Stormageddon, Dark Lord of All?

        2. Aizat

          Is there any other Stormageddon?

      6. Philippe G.

        Isn’t she a minor thought? Most of the characters are 18+.

        1. Spliced

          Hmmm good point…

        2. Kladeos

          I think she’s under 13. So no.

        3. Kladeos

          *no as in no shipping. But yes, a minor.

        4. Philippe G.

          The only other minor character I can think of is Faz.
          So no.

        5. Kladeos

          There’s Howard, but at almost-17 he’s too old.

        6. Kernanator

          I seem to remember that she was stated to be 14, though I could be wrong.

        7. Charlie Spencer

          If that wasn’t enough reason to hide the Periodic Table of Sex, it isn’t enough reason to not speculate on her love life.

      7. HMRC4EVR

        So, Riley and Howard?

        Guessing Howard is what…16 or 17 since he’s driving and stuck at their Grandpa’s house.

        Anyone got an age on Riley to see if this ship is shippable, or needs to be sunk before it’s christened the S.S. Creepy?

        1. Kladeos

          I think she’s too young but I can’t find a source.

        2. Mr K

          She’s actually the oldest member of her family. She just has hormone troubles.

  14. Plasma Mongoose

    I bet she makes Joyce seem vulgar in comparison.

  15. Yotomoe

    As much as I dislike certain Rozes…I have to say, all DeSanto’s in this universe are friggin’ awesome.

  16. Super Duper

    Pfft? Only a single piece of fruit? Heartless bongo. She should do at least a couch!

    1. Yotomoe

      But but…one piece of fruit can…become more fruit!

  17. Spliced

    Spliced is officially confused. Let it also be stated Spliced is relatively new to Walkyverse.

    1. Kladeos

      I think Riley is new the multiverse? This is the second time anyone’s seen her.

      1. Spliced

        So she’s like a unicorn?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          A real rarity you might say.

        2. HMRC4EVR

          Ouch.

          Just…ouch.

        3. Keroshino

          I got that reference! 😀

        4. KingMabel

          I need to give you the internet… as much as I can legally give a person…

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          I have my moments 😀

        6. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

          I like you. 🙂

        7. Plasma Mongoose

          Kiitii! ^_^

      2. Bill

        Willis gave us a heads-up on Riley about seven or eight weeks back….she was in the background of the 9/18 strip while the Walkertons were hanging with the De Santos and the Dean in the VIP box at the football game.

    2. David Willis

      Riley has not been seen in the Walkyverse. She is a new character.

      1. Super Duper

        But ocs in da fanfic are bads!

        1. Aizat

          Yeah and so does Mary Sues of any kind.

      2. Spliced

        ooooh I got a reply from the man himself. I feel so… validated. 😀

        1. Yotomoe

          Be careful. It’s not always a good thing.

        2. Kamino Neko

          I read that as ‘violated’ at first.

          I think my first instinct is sound. >_>

      3. someguywithakatana

        Does she exist at all in the walkyverse or just here?

        1. David Willis

          I will decide that later, probably.

      4. Ruck Bogers

        Speaking of Walkyverse, do you plan on finishing Joyce and Walky? The page hasn’t been updated in months. Unless you made a different page and I missed an email…
        Or is that the end? It doesn’t seem like the end.

  18. Aizat

    All monsters, huh?

    1. Spliced

      Riley is the youngest sister, I take it? Also, incredibly nice in this universe?

      1. Aizat

        Yes.

      2. Yotomoe

        She’s incredibly nice in all the universes she’s appeared in.
        Which is this one.
        and none else.

  19. NerdHerder

    Riley DeSanto:

    HISTORY’S GREATEST MONSTER

    1. Aizat

      Vlad the Impaler? More like Vlad the Paler!
      Hitler? Hitler is a nancy boy.

      1. Spliced

        There is not blood in her veins, no! Tis not blood! Tis The BLACK PLAGUE Made Liquid!

        1. Aizat

          And she craps Cholera.

        2. Spliced

          That can only be true if she feasts upon the flesh of the unclean.

        3. Aizat

          And she’s also the Harvester of Stillborn Souls.

        4. Yotomoe

          She spits fire and her teeth are like chainsaws. Covered in salt.

      2. NerdHerder

        Bin Laden? Bin there, done that! Stalin? Stalin is Dopey the Dwarf next to DeSANTO.

        1. Mr K

          Mao zedong? He looks like a choir boy. Kim Jong il seems like Ghandi. Pinochet? He seems like a teddy bear compared to Riley.

        2. Leorale

          For a sec I read that as Piaget and got confused. just thought I’d share

  20. Nono

    The DeSantoes are only matched in their evilness by the BeFanfingers.

    1. Yotomoe

      and the Fredburgers.

  21. Robert

    Oh my god! She chopped up Ethan and is mailing his body parts to her pen pals! How cruel!

    1. Yotomoe

      Eh, he had it coming.

      1. Robert

        heh…you said coming.

    2. Mr K

      OR maybe its Leslie. I haven’t seen her around lately.

  22. The Candyman

    I guess all those people talking about Mary getting sexiled were wrong.

    Unless Roz is way more horrible than we’ve imagined.

    1. Yotomoe

      Robin gets up on the other side* …we can not tell our parents, guys.

      1. DSL

        Parents, from under the bunk: “We know.”

        1. Yotomoe

          The yearly Desanto gang-bang.

          jajajaja
          ew.

  23. CthulhuPanda36

    What people don’t realize is that Riley is running a mob operation through the DS chat rooms.

    1. Wolfe

      “you brought the goods?…what is this? I SAID 4 HYPER POTIONS AND ALL YOU MANAGE TO BRING ME IS 3 MOOMOO MILK? ”

      “It was all they had I swear!”

      1. Spliced

        What would be the equivalent of “popping a cap”?

        1. Aizat

          “Don’t make me use Stealth Rock on you”

        2. Yotomoe

          I know what you’re thinking…did he fire 5 bullet seeds, or just 4. Well…do you feel lucky? Well, do you punk?

        3. CthulhuPanda36

          Hyperbeam?

      2. CthulhuPanda36

        Ok boys, this is the job of the century. We’re gonna pull a heist on the SS Anne. It’s gonna be big.

        1. ninja_jesus

          So is Riley confirmed for being Giovanni?

  24. bix

    aaw she’s so nice. Like I hardly ever send thank you notes to my villagers oh my God

    1. Kladeos

      I’ve never played Animal Crossing. So she’s writing a letter to an NPC and giving her NPC an item? What’s the reward for doing so?

      1. Yotomoe

        Feeling a reasonless feeling of selflessness towards an unfeeling automaton. Which is actually beautiful in in itself.

        1. Kladeos

          Maybe this is why I never played the series. And not because I think their faces are creepy and their voices irritating.

        2. HMRC4EVR

          Be nice to all your computer avatars.

          Why?

          You get your ass Tron-ned and end up in Mainframe after being a jackass to your computer and Bob (or Matrix) are going to beat you senseless.

        3. John

          I play Dwarf Fortress. I am so doomed.

        4. Cybersnark

          Well, to be fair, Matrix will try to beat you senseless no matter what you do.

        5. JessWitt

          And now I’m debating on buying Animal Crossing or not. My hands are full already w/ Pokemon X.

        6. Yotomoe

          They’re basically the same game, only in Animal crossing you can’t catch 649 magical creatures that can do splendiforous attacks.

        7. Dierna

          Actually there’s 718 Pokemon now….

      2. Cass

        Friendship!

      3. Marceline

        The NPC usually sends you a letter in return. Sometimes with presents attached!

        1. Kladeos

          That’s adorable!

  25. Kernanator

    There’s Something About Mary That Makes Me Want to Commit Murder

    /rejectedmovietitles

    1. spaceyOptimist

      Your comments are always the best thing

    2. Bronze Knight

      Sparkadia: Mary

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csvAk2BfEXk

  26. Plasma Mongoose

    I wonder if Riley’s name is a reference to the term “The Life of Riley”.

    1. begbert2

      I think it’s a reference to “names that start with R”.

  27. Bishop

    expect to see the Periodic Table of Sex for sale shortly

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      It already is available.

      http://www.allposters.com.au/-sp/Periodic-Table-of-Sex-posters_i358496_.htm

  28. John

    I actually kind of suspected it was that Riley had stayed the night with Roz. But I’d guessed that Mary had just seen that there was a second person in Roz’s bed and leaped to conclusions without bothering to identify who it was. Instead she’s, um, I don’t know, what the hell, Mary?

    1. Kernanator

      Looks like Mary has the same ability as Miko Miyazaki. The one that lets her jump to conclusions as far as she wants.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        So if we make Mary do something evil or chaotic, she will lose her powers?

        1. MM

          But then Indiana University will be overrun by goblins, and how’s Dorothy supposed to ace her classes and transfer to Yale?

      2. CthulhuPanda36

        I was thinking Van Helsing but that works too.

    2. Kladeos

      What made you guess it’d be her?

      1. John

        Riley showed up in a preview panel a while back, so I knew she was going to be around today (in-comic “today”), and it seemed reasonable that she’d have stayed with Roz. And I was trying to think of ways Mary could be the worst. She exceeded my expectations, though!

        1. Kladeos

          Looking for something else, I found… Exactly what you’re referring to.

          Also Riley is so cute. Hope that sad face doesn’t last long.

        2. Kernanator

          Every time I think that Mary has hit bottom in terms of how terrible she can be, she finds a new bottom.

        3. John

          S’like I said, she’s some kind of fractal of terrible. The closer you look, the more terrible there is hidden in the details of the terrible, and you can keep zooming in and in and there’s always just more terrible.

        4. Kernanator

          You were right, John. You were right.

        5. Kernanator

          (Also, Fractal of Terrible would be a kickass album name)

        6. Logician

          Review quote: “It sounds just as bad played at half speed”

  29. someguywithakatana

    I love her already.

    … Also, Mary and Roz are roommates? Has this already been established? Because I feel like they would’ve killed each other like… instantly…

    1. John

      Yes. I’m not sure why neither of them are dead yet.

      1. Cass

        Aw, I clicked the next comic link and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy about how far Joyce has come.

      2. MM

        Roz is a lover, not a fighter (except possibly in the protest sense). Mary just appears to be a glarer.

        1. John

          I would’ve thought that just being that close together would cause them both to explode in some kind of matter/antimatter reaction or something.

        2. Kladeos

          In some ways it’s easier to hate your roommate right off the bat because you can vilify their every action and not try to be sympathetic. It’s way harder when you’re supposed to like them (ex-friends?) but they’re driving you up the wall with seemingly minor things.

    2. Nono

      It was established way back when Dorothy was trying to interview Roz for the sex tape story.

      The only thing we know about Roz as a roomie is that she disapproves of ableist language.

    3. insomniac

      I think Mary’s first appearance was complaining to Dorothy about Roz and their roommate agreement.

      1. John

        Mary’s first appearance was Ruth dragging her into the move-in day floor meeting by the scruff of her neck. Her first speaking appearance was when Billie busted into her room when she was naked.

        1. Logician

          John, your knowledge of the story so far is frighteningly encyclopedic.

        2. John

          Part of it is that I’ve actually got an encyclopedia to refer to. I’ve been putting together a timeline of events with links to the strips (I’ll post it when I get caught up to present), so I’m able to jump straight to the significant events of the first two-thirds or so of the archives and consult the actual strip. And since I’m still in the middle of a slow, detailed archive crawl to assemble that, it’s still fresh in my memory.

          But for that one I just clicked on the “mary” tag under the strip.

  30. Aizat

    If there’s one bad thing I could say about Riley is that well, she has a 2DS and I am very, very jealous.

  31. NoHeart

    Finally! I’ve been waiting to see Riley since Willis made the character art for her.

  32. March

    Okay, Mary, I sympathized with you when I thought you were being sexiled. I can even give you some room for being irritated that your roommate allowed their younger sibling (or anyone really) to spend the night without first making sure you were okay with it. But at this point, you’re going out of your way to be unpleasant and unreasonable.

    I find Roz self-righteous and preachy to almost the same degree in her own way, so when I actually sympathize with her regarding having a shitty roommate, there is a problem.

    1. Reepunzel

      I think that Roz and Mary are actually VERY alike. Only Mary would never admit to her own dirty mind (the “lady” doth protest too much) and Roz would never admit the fact that she thinks she is better than everyone else. At least she wouldn’t admit it NEARLY as often as Mary would.

      Their similarities can only mean the inevitability of one destroying the other. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.

  33. Henry

    Wait, Mary says “she must be.”

    Either Mary is just ignoring a night’s worth of evidence that Riley probably isn’t that bad, or she wasn’t there last night…

    Is Mary’s hypocrisy going to be of a slightly different nature this time around?

    Also, is this the confirmed plural of “DeSanto?” Or is there still the possibility of it being “Desanti?”

    1. Thasvaddef

      I like your thinking. The DeSanti, the Wilcoxen, the Saruyama and the Rosenthäler. I think everyone else has an English surname which gets a boring -s on the end.

    2. Heatth

      I am reasonably sure no Spanish plural termination ends with an ‘i’.

      1. adrien

        Indeed. Italian plurals do, but DeSanto’s not an Italian name. But I don’t think family names can be pluralised in Spanish…

        1. Bill

          Of course they can.  Look at the Zorro movies with Antonio Banderas; Zorro was actually Don Diego de la Vega.  So when you got the father, the son, the wife, and the grandson together you had “the de la Vegas” …. with the plural ‘S’.

        2. Thasvaddef

          Would that be the de las Vegas?

        3. Henry

          Yeah, but “DeSanti” is inherently funnier to me. Sort of like “Wilcoxen.”

        4. adrien

          Yeah, in English they can. “The de la Vegas” is English. In Spanish that would be “los de la Vega”. Without “s”.

      2. Thasvaddef

        I stand corrected the plural of santo is santos. (Or santas since they’re female? 🙂

    3. Leah Rockshard

      I sort of assumed she spent the night sitting in the corridor and that was why she was so pissy about the whole thing. Mary strikes me as the sort to make a martyr of herself for absolutely no good reason, and be bitter and nasty about it afterward for weeks, dropping passive-aggressive references about the horrible hardships she’s had to endure because of Roz.

      And if she reached the point where she said flat out what happened, her roommate would just blink and be like, “What? You spent the night in the corridor? I thought you were just staying elsewhere. Why didn’t you just come in and go to bed?”

      That’s what a reasonable person would have done, but Mary’s not reasonable, and I’d put money on her having left the moment Riley showed up, and then pointlessly wasting a night feeling sorry for herself.

  34. Biege

    ….mary, have you talked to the girl, or just decided because your a bongo?

    wait, no need to answer. trick question after all

    1. Yotomoe

      Does she need more reason to do anything despite being a jerk?

    2. Hoboturtle

      *sees his avatar*

      Why do you hate yourself?

      1. Yotomoe

        Because all Mary DOES is hate. Eventually it’s gotta loop back around.

  35. Keroshino

    Well if she is a monster…she is the most adorable monster!!!

    1. Yotomoe

      I would want a monster like her under my bed. Someone needs to send me fruit!

  36. JessWitt

    Oh geez, Mary. She thinks EVERYONE’s a monster. And she’s gotten more intimidating after her eye color change.

  37. Emoroffle

    She’s right. The kid is pure evil. One can just feel it oozing from her every pore.

  38. Yotomoe

    If you think Riley is bad, you should see the other sister, Huey Desanto.

    1. Tahkuya

      together they form VOLTRON

      1. Aizat

        GOLION!

        1. Keroshino

          Dairugger XV

  39. Kernanator

    Mary has a day planner. Every day has a 24 hour block that says the same thing. That thing is “Be horrible”.

    1. Sam

      Huh. I was expecting it to be ‘DESTROY FAITH IN HUMANITY IN AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE’. I guess I was wrong.

  40. TaintedSpud

    No. LIVE WITH YOUR SHAME.

    Besides, you know what they say. When it comes to incest its all relative.

    1. TaintedSpud

      Huh, that was supposed to be a reply… Now its just out context completely

      1. Hoboturtle

        I kind of want to imagine that there was no context to that statement. Sense would just ruin it.

        1. Aljax

          Sounds perfectly normal to me.

          Totally non-sarcastic.
          p.s. Joyce gravatar kinda awesome for this comment. not gonna lie.

  41. bibulb

    So, pretty much Riley’s purpose in this series is to elicit “D’AWWWWW”s from the readers.

    I’m pretty cool with that.

    1. MM

      If you put her in a room with Dina, would a D’awwness singularity ensue?

      1. DT

        What do you think ends up introducing SEMME to the Dumbiverse? 😉

        1. Ocbrad1

          Seems legit. +1 Internet for you.

  42. PoweredBySucrose

    So Mary thinks Rep. DeSanto is a monster? You’d think she’d be behind Robin’s Family Values™ platform. She must have figured out it’s a sham.

    1. Hoboturtle

      No that would require an INT roll that’s way too difficult for Mary.

    2. David Willis

      She probably made a legislative compromise with the opposing political party at some point.

      Which sounds too unrealistic these days, I know.

  43. Angel

    there is a lesson about prejudging people in there…

    1. Aizat

      Yes, judge them because of their family members.

      1. Kernanator

        If you judged Mike by his family members, you’d think he was totally nice.

    2. Heavensrun

      And I’m sure Mary will completely fail to learn it.

  44. Nym

    Because I wasn’t already having enough trouble keeping myself from booting back up my copy of Animal Crossing. . . . I wonder if that’s in-game stationary, and if so, if I can find it.

    1. David Willis

      I made it up. Just wanted something simple that was evocative of Animal Crossing stationary, since I didn’t have much room.

  45. Mattyos

    ahhh i get it now! mary’s a drama queen!!

  46. Rani

    Mary…you just called the sibling a monster because her sister has a lot of sex. This is like Claude Frollo level douchebaggery going on here.

    Either learn to sing alto or 86 your shit

    1. drango

      There is more monsterous about Roz than the sex.

      Not that I disagree about the level of douchebaggery.

  47. Raibean

    IT’S MINI-ROBIN

    1. Keroshino

      Chibi-Robin! 😀

    2. Thasvaddef

      Roz is mini-Robin. Riley is mini-Roz.

      …

      I demand additional DeSanti in Russian-doll style decreasing sizes (and increasing adorableness)!

  48. Deathjavu

    Ah, there’s the Mary we all know and despise.

    But seriously, with the obvious reaction out of the way- anyone else think Billie’s hand looks a bit odd in panel one? And, uh, is it rude of me to point that out? (I sure hope not…)

  49. Gottawonder

    Drama Queen is not quite the way I’d put it.
    I think I would demand the Conch Shell and tell her it’s my turn to talk. And then…..

  50. Fen_Star

    The substitution of “U” for “you” classifies you as a monster in my book.

    1. Deathjavu

      She could’ve subbed “U” for “you” twice, or worse yet, “4” for “for”.

      Or most appallingly, “ur” for “your”. That one barely even makes sense.

      Trust me, the text speak could’ve been so, so much worse. She’s actually gained points in my book for not doing so.

    2. Mehriheart

      I don’t blame her on this one. It is a pain in the ass to type things out in animal crossing.

  51. Hoboturtle

    Oh, I have that game, funny thing is I haven’t played in…. OH SHIT!

    1. Kamino Neko

      I hope your happy while your cleaning up the festering corpses that are all that are left of your villagers after the revolution.

  52. Nobody

    Animal crossing

  53. Zuzi

    Jesus fucking Christ, Billie carries her weight really well!
    I mean, godDAMN! She’s got one helluva figure!

  54. NoneOfYourConcern

    Who is this Merengue, and how do you pronounce her(or his) name?

    1. Thasvaddef

      Presumably you pronounce it like meringue. Which is pronounced like ma-rang

      1. caesaria82

        Actually merengue is also a dance and is pronounced kinda like meh-rang-geh. But I don’t actually know how to pronounce the character from the game that’s referred to here and if their name is in any way related to the dance lol.

    2. Arkadi

      ‘Me-ren-geh’: accent on the second sillable, all the e’s are pronounced like the one in ‘dead’.

  55. caesaria82

    I actually love Roz a lot with her sex positivity and feminism and general awesome-ness and now I love her little sister as well. Actually all the DeSanto’s are pretty much great. DoA needs more of all of them to balance some of the more … err… not so great people.
    In totally unrelated news (ahem), Mary continues to be the worst.

  56. Jack Finch

    Roz drools?

  57. Crumplepunch

    “Mary is an excellent judge of character, just stellar”

    By stellar, I assume you mean a white hot raging astral firestorm that will consume all life, everywhere.

    1. Aljax

      Why does your gravatar fit this so well?
      It’s just perfect for your comment.

      1. Crumplepunch

        I get that a lot.

  58. DT

    Looking at all these comments on here…

    All I’m thinking is “Man, sure would be funny if the Mary avatar for commenters was mirrored, so she could glare judgementally at comments posted”.

  59. Arturo

    Careful kids, you think you’re having innocent fun, but games like Animal Crossing or Pokemon are just the gateways – before you know it you’re watching your whole life slip away, ODing on Fire Emblem and cheap e-shop retro downloads. Don’t believe me? I had a job and a family that loved me once. And pants.

  60. ShadowMaskPrime

    Weirdly enough, in my Nanowrimo for this year, which is turning into a first person narrative of a cross between Silent Hill, Animal Crossing, and a point and click game, I have strongly implied that the Animal people in the story are hideous monsters wearing human skins with animal masks.

  61. ADHadh

    Eh, Riley may not be a monster yet, but give a year or two and bam! TEENAGER!

  62. Bill

    If you re-read the text you will note that Mary’s biggest gripe is that the De Santos are “monsters” because Roz let Riley stay over “without so much as advance notice”.  Meaning Mary, Roz, and somebody (like Joe?) were going to be doing a three-way last night, but with underage Riley on the scene that train got derailed.

    And religious zealots who are prone to sins of the flesh are nothing new.  Jim Bakker of the PTL Club is a perfect case in point.

    1. Joe Schmoo

      I really, really, really, really hope this is a joke. You can’t be serious, right?

      1. bill

        Well, yeah it was. But considering how many people on this forum keep trying to project these same-sex relationships like Billie/Rufh and Ethan/Joshua, or suggesting that Joyce may be gay/bi-curious, I didn’t think my tongue-in-cheek remark was all that far out of line.

        1. Kladeos

          No one has to project for Billie & Ruth. There was a kiss! And a one-sided confession of “liking.” It’s pretty obvious Ethan was flirting with Jocelyn when he thought she was a gay guy too. Projecting is a little exaggerated. Joyce has also said, for humorous effect, homoerotic comments.

          Projecting would be saying Mike and Ethan need to bang. Not that they haven’t before in a different universe.

        2. David Willis

          If you think Billie/Ruth or Ethan/Joshua is “projecting,” then maybe you need to update your definition.

        3. Bill

          Maybe I am off-base here, David. I took you at your word that this was a stand-alone comic but even so, a lot of the posters make references to the actions of these characters in the Walkyverse or the Shortpackverse.

          Based on what I’ve seen here in the Dumbiverse, Billie is hetero; a lesbian wouldn’t push someone like Danny onto a bed and declare “I’m on top”; she also pushed Ruth away after the kiss.  Ethan has admitted he’s gay, sure; but the impression I took away of Joshua/Jocelyne was that he is identifying as a woman; not a gay male.  We’ve already determined that Joe will bang anyone with genitals different from his own; and Roz is an advocate of what I call ‘hedonistic sex’ — “if it feels good do it”.  I could possibly see her as bisexual.  Danny is not only straight but “experienced”; see his remark here about how it took him two years to get into Dorothy’s pants and how upset he would be if Walky was able to score within a week; and Dorothy is also straight — making it with Danny, and allowed Walky to at least get to second base.

          The other thing is I remember what I was like when I was

        4. David Willis

          Based on what I’ve seen here in the Dumbiverse, Billie is hetero; a lesbian wouldn’t push someone like Danny onto a bed and declare “I’m on top”;

          Well, no, because Billie is NOT A FUCKING LESBIAN. Do I really need to explain what a BISEXUAL is?

        5. moby

          Wowwee, big letters. Real big letters. Big and Red.

        6. roborat

          Ohoh, someone pissed the supreme creator off. Everybody hide!!!

        7. A

          YES, YES YOU DO.

          Because any woman with the fucking AUDACITY to show a legitimate interest in other women is instantly branded a “LESBIAN” or a “FUCKING LIAR”. THERE ARE APPARENTLY NO OTHER ENDS TO THAT SPECTRUM.

          I cannot count any longer how many times the follow-up response to a mention of bisexuality is “HOW MANY GIRLS HAVE YOU KISSED/SLEPT WITH?!”

          So bring your photographic documentation and some notarized OFFICIAL FUCKING DOCUMENTS, because sexuality is another aspect that is DENIED AND DISRESPECTED UNTIL PROVEN WITHIN THE PARAMETERS OF A BUNCH OF ENTITLED MANCHILDREN.

          NOTICE TO ALL: DO NOT BOTHER EXPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS UNLESS YOU CAN PROVE THAT YOU FEEL THEM. SOMEHOW. WITH MAGIC.

          Otherwise they are pretty much treated like they do not exist.

        8. showler

          ” I took you at your word that this was a stand-alone comic but even so, a lot of the posters make references to the actions of these characters in the Walkyverse or the Shortpackverse.”

          Did you also take him at his word when he said that the character’s sexuality is one thing that WILL NOT change between universes? That’s the reason why it valid to refer to things from the Walkyverse when discussing that particular topic.

          BTW, Walkyverse and Shortpackverse are the same ‘verse.

        9. Pat

          “Roz is an advocate of what I call ‘hedonistic sex’ — ‘if it feels good do it’. I could possibly see her as bisexual.”

          Those are two things that are not related.

        10. Bill

          (posted too soon…to continue)
          The other thing is I remember what I was like when I was 18 and a freshman in college.  I know times have changed from the days of Nixon/Ford/Carter, but when a person is that young I cannot believe that someone can know beyond a shadow of a doubt their sexual preference or proclivity.  The constant calls from the peanut gallery for two of the characters to do the nasty with each other without regard for gender, age, experience level, or current relationship with someone is to me just so much distracting background noise.

        11. Viktoria

          Yes, it’s fairly disturbing how people are assuming characters orientations at this young age. How can we truly know people like Dorothy and Walky are straight without far more experience than they have now?

        12. David Willis

          Whether YOU believe a person can know their sexuality at a certain age is irrelevant to reality. People can and will understand their sexuality (or continue to update their understanding of it) at whatever age life chooses for them, whether it be 5 or 99.

        13. fbihop

          If you hate the people shipping in the comments, you don’t have to read the comments.

        14. Compulsive Collector

          And your anecdotal experience as a college freshman means everyone else has precisely the same experience, right? I don’t know that I’d go around dating myself like that while also announcing a total lack of knowledge on human sexuality.

        15. Pat

          They can’t have noticed what they’re attracted to until they have more sex (presumably with persons of both genders), and you can’t understand why they would have sex with persons of different genders.

          These are both your positions, yes?
          Neither is very valid in the first place, and they contradict each other.

        16. Beachfox

          As someone who figured out their sexuality while in Jr High during the Clinton administration:
          ….
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGt9jAkWie4

        17. Bill

          And yes, I know what a bisexual is …. refer again to Billie pushing Ruth away.

          Maybe we’ll just have to agree to disagree.  For the most part I see the cast as a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears confused kids who are trying to find themselves in all aspects of their lives, not just the part that involves genitalia and erogenous zones.

        18. David Willis

          Refer again to Billie trying to kiss Sal and refer again again to Billie talking about her views on sexuality. Refer again to Ruth constantly being a dick to Billie so maaaaaaaaaybe that’s why she doesn’t want to kiss her, regardless of her gender?

          Just so you know, your statements are increasingly offensive.

        19. asmcint

          I would like to add that I find it hilarious that someone’s trying to argue a character’s sexuality with the person who CREATED that character and has been writing her for years.

        20. StClair

          “Stop trying to shovel dirt over Willis, he’s not dead yet.”

        21. GoSpeedRumpist

          I gotta say, it takes balls to directly disagree with someone about their own creations, on their own forum. I’m pretty sure there’s a term for that, but I can’t remember what it is.

        22. BeckHop

          “Stupid”?

        23. Mr K

          In Denial.

        24. roborat

          Maybe he didn’t realize he was talking with the creator?

  63. Jack Finch

    To Mary the rest of the world is a terrible inconvenience that doesn’t know how to keep it’s place.

  64. newllend

    Wait she’s rooming with roz, Ha that’s just fucking perfect

    1. Jack Finch

      I know, right?

  65. Jebily

    Riley is adorable!

  66. Oishi

    Woo finally the last sister! 😀

  67. nothri

    Ugh. Billie needs to hang out with Mary right now like a paper cut needs three pounds of salt rubbed into it with sandpaper.

  68. Jack

    Comic renamed Riley of Age, everybody seemed cool with it.

  69. mai876

    So how does she know that ALL the DeSantoses are monsters? Or is it that everyone alive is awful and that just happens to include Riley (who looks like an awesome person)?

  70. The Phantom's Belch

    This is doubly ironic for me since my best friend in high school had the last name DeSanto. Second of eleven children from a super-religious family, no less (they took “be fruitful and multiply” kinda literally….). The youngest was 15 years my junior. (And five of the girls were J-names, too.)

    The second oldest girl coulda been Roz, while the youngest could have been Riley. The fourth girl could have been the Walkyverse Robin – really hyper-fast with no attention span.

  71. Ostana

    Anyone else wanna take a minute to talk about how Roz has a periodic table of sex?

    1. StClair

      How about a minute twenty-five, to the tune of “Modern Major General”?

      (Thank you, Mr. Lehrer.)

  72. Nena

    The nice thing is that people like Mary often wind up alone. Nobody wants to put up with them, so they die alone.

  73. Scolopendra

    Mary’s got some nice clothes on there… did her parents take her out to dinner last night or something?

    1. John

      It’s early Sunday afternoon. She most likely just got back from church.

  74. Plume

    Is she playing animal crossing and sending letters back to the characters? Awww that’s so sweet. 🙂 And the store had book 2 WOOT!! 😀

  75. Flare

    Can we get more Mary please?

  76. noNameplz

    Wow, a 2DS! She is a monster

  77. UHMFrancis

    I love this oh my god. The Desantoses are like an au of me and my two sisters. From the extremely similar last name, the eldest sister wanting/being a congresswoman to us all being monsters.

  78. Jon_Sered

    Ha ha, Animal Crossing!!

  79. Rheios

    Riley is adorable and makes me want to make her an adopted little sister. Also she seems a great deal less arrogant, judging by that message. (Which is a really shitty thing to assume. I’m arrogant as hell and send people free stuff all the time in games just for being nice.)

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