Hey, at least they’re not copying the crowd; all the other restaurants are serving what’s basically the same freaking chicken sandwich.
Chris (the other one)
Well, Chick-Fil-A puts pickles on their version, which is just really really weird. In my opinion anyway.
egg egg
Popeyes also puts pickles on their Sandwich. It’s good for balancing out the spicy sauce.
Personally, in the Chicken Sandwich War I nominate Wendy’s for their spicy chicken asiago club.
Clif
What Hartz loses in quality, it makes up in quantity.
How can you say they don’t have a chicken sandwich? There’s plenty of chicken and biscuits, and if you need garnishments, there’s your choice of coleslaw or green beans, or a mixture. If your sandwich is too dry, you can add gravy to taste. And of course, its all you can eat.
Now that I think on it, there’s a Hartz almost within walking distance, and yet I haven’t eaten in a Hartz in over 20 years. By coincidence, this is about the same amount of time my wife and I have been married.
Wagstaff
Oh come on. KFC does that too!
At least Taco Bell is actually innovative with their Naked Chicken Chalupa!
Also, stop associating them with bowel movements unless you want not so good attention from somebody who reads these.
Roborat
Ironically, I was just eating my spicy chicken asiago club as I read your comment.
Because, at some point, I’d like to experience a SOLID bowel movement?
Clif
Is it their fault if you aren’t getting enough fiber? You could go with their Cantina Power Bowl, which I hear good things about and will try out once I stop protesting them dropping their taco salad mumbly years ago.
And that’s assuming Sal’s right and they only last two weeks. Maybe (hopefully) they’ll last longer than that, and we’ll get a few more years of Lucy/Walky.
I mean Sal is right there, Becks. Surely you’re capable of referencing her hotness level and using that to a reasonable expectation for Walky’s hotness. Just do the science!
There was this, but I think that was mostly a measure of Sal’s Coolness and Becky nuking the closet from orbit and wanting to make out with a girl who wouldn’t get her in trouble. But still, she was definitely and clearly willing to make out with Sal.
I mean, they are fraternal twins, too, and therefore no more related than any pair of siblings who weren’t born at the same time. Not all siblings translate 1:1 in the resemblance (and thus attractiveness) department.
That’s true, but they do look like gender swapped versions of each other which is a fact they both acknowledge and was even commented on at the very party you referenced.
Hotness is subjective though and Beckys preferences I guess are so far from heterosexual attraction it doen’t register when it’s a guy regardless of appearance.
Regalli
Oh, true. I think Sal might be taller, but they definitely do resemble each other a good bit and there’s no indication that, say, Becky is faceblind (even when pointed out, I don’t see shared features on my own family members, much less other people.) But I can also see there being a couple minor differences in-universe that the artstyle doesn’t reflect (eyebrows, for instance) and Walky’s line being exaggerated for a joke. Not much, but exaggerated still.
More likely, if Becky is into Sal but can’t extrapolate that to Walky, it’s probably because Sal’s Cool Biker Aesthetic and demeanor is so different from Walky’s, and the coolness is definitely an element in Sal’s attractiveness. (Again speaking as someone faceblind, it would trip me up in recognizing they were related.)
milu
are we sure we want to take Becky at her word that she can’t even tell whether Walky is hot or not? i’m not saying her being a Kinsey 24-25 is an act, but she sure is performing the hell out of it ^^
Sirksome
Some of it is probably performative. I do think Becky does act purposefully obnoxious about being gay. (Recently I think of the time Joe just said hello to her and friends and the first thing she said to him is please remember how I’m not attracted to you) But this is a side of her that’s been surpresses essentially her entire life so it makes sense she takes every opportunity to reinforce it.
milu
oh absolutely. i wouldn’t call her performative gayness obnoxious, though i feel like she’d be happy to own that ^^
brionl
Looks like Danny scored the coveted Walkerton Sandwich and didn’t even notice.
Great Danning there, Dan.
Only if she ran Republican. Because when someone like Trump or (W) Bush does that, they’re approachable, but when a Democrat does something like that…
Clif
Yeah, just ask Howard Dean if screaming Yeah! to a crowd of supporters somehow disqualifies you from being president. To this day, the whole thing makes no sense to me.
I mean, Republicans are weird, but honestly the Democratic party is weirder.
Like six weeks, really. The timeskip was at midterms.
Needfuldoer
When their relationship started is up to interpretation. The toy-throwing was on August 30th, during the second chapter of Book 1, but that’s just his expression of infatuation that she doesn’t reciprocate right away. I think things started down their eventual path when they bonded over their mutual nostalgia for D&MM a couple chapters later, on September 2nd.
Nonetheless, it didn’t end because Walky didn’t like her because she wouldn’t make armpit farts or she didn’t like him because he wanted her to. It ended because of Dorothy’s time commitments, not because of anything about Walky’s immaturity.
Sirksome
Maybe that was just surface level issues that acted as a smokescreen for the true underlying problem. Dorothy’s inabilty to perform a proper armpit fart. Trying to supress Walky’s appreciation for the artform. It was never vocalized sure but after several re-readings you become more aware of the subtext.
Clif
To be honest, and why wouldn’t we be, I think we are slightly misinterpreting Sal. I don’t think that the issue in her mind is that Lucy won’t measure up to Walky’s standards because she want do armpit farts. I think that rather the issue is that Sal believes that unless Lucy is already a type person who values armpit farts enough that she has acquired the skill, that there is no way in hell she will be willing to put up with Walky for more than a couple of weeks.
Where Sal makes her mistake is not allowing a multiplier for for other factors, in Dorothy’s case a body sculpted out of caramel, and in Lucy’s case that Walky is a boy.
Regalli
Yes, but Dorothy’s time commitments left her without time to make armpit farts, obviously. ;p
That’s it. That’s the secret of Halloween. Just offscreen all along, there was a Couples’ Armpit Fart contest that Walky DESPERATELY wanted to compete in. But Amber, unfortunately, spent all her physical prowess points on superhero skills, leaving her tragically unable to help. Meanwhile, Jennifer and Ruth decided to participate on a whim, but lost to Becky and Dina, and the resulting sting of failure drove them apart. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!
(I’m joking of course, but ‘Dorothy’s time commitments meant she tried to overcompensate leaving no social time or rest, including time to goof off with Walky’ WAS a definite factor in their breakup. The armpit farts are a symbol!… Except not really.)
112 thoughts on “Objectively”
Ana Chronistic
“that’s like saying you could get tired of TACO BELL in two weeks!”
“…”
Reltzik
Depends. Do I get to eat something OTHER than Taco Bell during those two weeks?
Clif
Sure,but why would you want to?
Juanoku
That is an excellent question
Jamie
Because they don’t serve chicken nuggets.
Clif
A fair point.
Wagstaff
Hey, at least they’re not copying the crowd; all the other restaurants are serving what’s basically the same freaking chicken sandwich.
Chris (the other one)
Well, Chick-Fil-A puts pickles on their version, which is just really really weird. In my opinion anyway.
egg egg
Popeyes also puts pickles on their Sandwich. It’s good for balancing out the spicy sauce.
Personally, in the Chicken Sandwich War I nominate Wendy’s for their spicy chicken asiago club.
Clif
What Hartz loses in quality, it makes up in quantity.
How can you say they don’t have a chicken sandwich? There’s plenty of chicken and biscuits, and if you need garnishments, there’s your choice of coleslaw or green beans, or a mixture. If your sandwich is too dry, you can add gravy to taste. And of course, its all you can eat.
Now that I think on it, there’s a Hartz almost within walking distance, and yet I haven’t eaten in a Hartz in over 20 years. By coincidence, this is about the same amount of time my wife and I have been married.
Wagstaff
Oh come on. KFC does that too!
At least Taco Bell is actually innovative with their Naked Chicken Chalupa!
Also, stop associating them with bowel movements unless you want not so good attention from somebody who reads these.
Roborat
Ironically, I was just eating my spicy chicken asiago club as I read your comment.
brionl
How can you compete with a naked chicken chalupa?
https://www.tacobell.com/food/specialties/naked-chicken-chalupa
Fnord
Because, at some point, I’d like to experience a SOLID bowel movement?
Clif
Is it their fault if you aren’t getting enough fiber? You could go with their Cantina Power Bowl, which I hear good things about and will try out once I stop protesting them dropping their taco salad mumbly years ago.
Thag Simmons
That’s a good half-decade of comics, so it’s not too bad.
Emperor Norton II
Damn You Willis* is already planning the Valentine strip for 2026 featuring these two.
*Pretty sure he has legally changed his name to that now.
Reltzik
It’s his Twitter address.
…. wait, is there a difference between a person’s Twitter address and their legal name?
Clif
Temporarily.
Wagstaff
“Foolish mortals! Your years are my minutes!”
– Oryx the Mad God
Thag Simmons
Aiat.
Keulen
And that’s assuming Sal’s right and they only last two weeks. Maybe (hopefully) they’ll last longer than that, and we’ll get a few more years of Lucy/Walky.
Roborat
Two weeks in comic time correlates approximately to anything between one day and several years in real time.
Deanatay
By 2026 the commenters will be sick of them anyway, and have at least three other ships planned for them.
butts
she said prove her worth to you, not to Walky
Shade
Well considering Sal went straight for what Walky would like suggests that the best way to do that is by being a good partner for her brother.
Fnord
Yeah, Sal really hit things on the head there.
Sirksome
I mean Sal is right there, Becks. Surely you’re capable of referencing her hotness level and using that to a reasonable expectation for Walky’s hotness. Just do the science!
Yotomoe
y’know, has Becky ever said that she finds Sal hot? Maybe she just doesn’t think the Walkertons are hot.
Sirksome
That would be interesting actually but I think realistically she just fell hard for Dina to the point no one else really matters.
Regalli
There was this, but I think that was mostly a measure of Sal’s Coolness and Becky nuking the closet from orbit and wanting to make out with a girl who wouldn’t get her in trouble. But still, she was definitely and clearly willing to make out with Sal.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/painful-2/
Regalli
I mean, they are fraternal twins, too, and therefore no more related than any pair of siblings who weren’t born at the same time. Not all siblings translate 1:1 in the resemblance (and thus attractiveness) department.
Sirksome
That’s true, but they do look like gender swapped versions of each other which is a fact they both acknowledge and was even commented on at the very party you referenced.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/tall/
Hotness is subjective though and Beckys preferences I guess are so far from heterosexual attraction it doen’t register when it’s a guy regardless of appearance.
Regalli
Oh, true. I think Sal might be taller, but they definitely do resemble each other a good bit and there’s no indication that, say, Becky is faceblind (even when pointed out, I don’t see shared features on my own family members, much less other people.) But I can also see there being a couple minor differences in-universe that the artstyle doesn’t reflect (eyebrows, for instance) and Walky’s line being exaggerated for a joke. Not much, but exaggerated still.
More likely, if Becky is into Sal but can’t extrapolate that to Walky, it’s probably because Sal’s Cool Biker Aesthetic and demeanor is so different from Walky’s, and the coolness is definitely an element in Sal’s attractiveness. (Again speaking as someone faceblind, it would trip me up in recognizing they were related.)
milu
are we sure we want to take Becky at her word that she can’t even tell whether Walky is hot or not? i’m not saying her being a Kinsey 24-25 is an act, but she sure is performing the hell out of it ^^
Sirksome
Some of it is probably performative. I do think Becky does act purposefully obnoxious about being gay. (Recently I think of the time Joe just said hello to her and friends and the first thing she said to him is please remember how I’m not attracted to you) But this is a side of her that’s been surpresses essentially her entire life so it makes sense she takes every opportunity to reinforce it.
milu
oh absolutely. i wouldn’t call her performative gayness obnoxious, though i feel like she’d be happy to own that ^^
brionl
Looks like Danny scored the coveted Walkerton Sandwich and didn’t even notice.
Great Danning there, Dan.
Nono
Okay wait, so how good is Dorothy at armpit farts?
Kyrik Michalowski
She can’t tell us. How would she get elected president if people found out she made armpit farts?
Reltzik
Only if she ran Republican. Because when someone like Trump or (W) Bush does that, they’re approachable, but when a Democrat does something like that…
Clif
Yeah, just ask Howard Dean if screaming Yeah! to a crowd of supporters somehow disqualifies you from being president. To this day, the whole thing makes no sense to me.
I mean, Republicans are weird, but honestly the Democratic party is weirder.
thejeff
Think of how the media covers the various events.
Sirksome
There relationship only lasted a few months maybe. I think that says it all.
Regalli
Like six weeks, really. The timeskip was at midterms.
Needfuldoer
When their relationship started is up to interpretation. The toy-throwing was on August 30th, during the second chapter of Book 1, but that’s just his expression of infatuation that she doesn’t reciprocate right away. I think things started down their eventual path when they bonded over their mutual nostalgia for D&MM a couple chapters later, on September 2nd.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2010/comic/book-1/02-uphill-from-here/throw/
Dorothy broke it off during ‘This is the Way that We Love’, which was October 11.
https://www.dumbingofage.com/2018/comic/book-8/02-this-is-the-way-that-we-love/pause/
The ball was definitely rolling the first week of September, so their relationship lasted a little over a month.
BBCC
Dorothy considers it about six weeks, according to her chat with Ruth.
Needfuldoer
Makes sense. That’s roughly from initial meet-cute* (8/30) to “pause” (10/11).
* Does the toy throwing make it a yeet-cute?
Regalli
Yes, yes it does.
BBCC
YES. Yes it does!
thejeff
Nonetheless, it didn’t end because Walky didn’t like her because she wouldn’t make armpit farts or she didn’t like him because he wanted her to. It ended because of Dorothy’s time commitments, not because of anything about Walky’s immaturity.
Sirksome
Maybe that was just surface level issues that acted as a smokescreen for the true underlying problem. Dorothy’s inabilty to perform a proper armpit fart. Trying to supress Walky’s appreciation for the artform. It was never vocalized sure but after several re-readings you become more aware of the subtext.
Clif
To be honest, and why wouldn’t we be, I think we are slightly misinterpreting Sal. I don’t think that the issue in her mind is that Lucy won’t measure up to Walky’s standards because she want do armpit farts. I think that rather the issue is that Sal believes that unless Lucy is already a type person who values armpit farts enough that she has acquired the skill, that there is no way in hell she will be willing to put up with Walky for more than a couple of weeks.
Where Sal makes her mistake is not allowing a multiplier for for other factors, in Dorothy’s case a body sculpted out of caramel, and in Lucy’s case that Walky is a boy.
Regalli
Yes, but Dorothy’s time commitments left her without time to make armpit farts, obviously. ;p
That’s it. That’s the secret of Halloween. Just offscreen all along, there was a Couples’ Armpit Fart contest that Walky DESPERATELY wanted to compete in. But Amber, unfortunately, spent all her physical prowess points on superhero skills, leaving her tragically unable to help. Meanwhile, Jennifer and Ruth decided to participate on a whim, but lost to Becky and Dina, and the resulting sting of failure drove them apart. IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!
(I’m joking of course, but ‘Dorothy’s time commitments meant she tried to overcompensate leaving no social time or rest, including time to goof off with Walky’ WAS a definite factor in their breakup. The armpit farts are a symbol!… Except not really.)
Kyrik Michalowski
I think Sal is forgetting how easily it is to overlook flaws during the first month of a relationship.
That being said, I give it 3 weeks.
Stephen Bierce
This was an episode of Barney Miller back in the day.
*plays a remix of the theme song on the hacked Muzak*
Cholma
This comic certainly needs more Abe Vigoda in it!
Stephen Bierce
I’ll settle for Ken and Malaya’s friend Arnold.
DailyBrad
Lucy knows how to make it up elsewhere, ifyouknowwhatImean.
Which is to say, cartoon lore.
MrSmith
Becky has a girlfriend?
SuperZero
I haven’t heard. She didn’t say.
Reltzik
Wait, does that mean she’s a lesbian? (Or bi or pan?) I hadn’t heard. She didn’t say.
Thag Simmons
She’s said it a few times, but it was fairly easy to miss.
Clif
After all, she said it in orbit.
Reltzik
Dangit, low-key stealth representation isn’t going to cut it. Make it a big obvious book title or something.
(Or, you know, maybe just a low-key conversation from a low-key character in a low-key scene on a train, but that’s a different franchise.)
Needfuldoer
I wonder if we’ll get to meet her.
BlackScarabFilmZ
If she won’t provide harmony to his armpit symphony, what’s even the point of the relationship?
Clif
Maybe she’ll provide the syncopated rhythm.
Keulen
She likes cartoons, so even without the armpit farts they’ve still got that.
Sirksome
So maybe Lucy’s no good at armpit farts, but do hand farts count?
Clif