127

Objects
Posted on December 22, 2021 by David M Willis

127 thoughts on “Objects”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Amber’s tall and jewish, Mike?

    1. Ana Chronistic

      if they’re so similar, I wonder who’s living rent-free in Joe’s hea—wait I know n/m

      1. Sombrero

        Next strip: Enter Ghost Liz.

        1. Delavan

          Hey Ve-geeeee-ta! Guess what!

    2. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Is there _any_ chance Jason is jewish? And wood he break under the ministrations of a Ruth/Amber tag-team?

      1. Rabbit

        I feel like at some point he has mentioned being catholic. I think

        This might just be me misremembering bc he’s a brit tho

    3. Hinoron

      She’s referring to Ethan.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Considering Joe’s dad, his DNA could show up anywhere. Though he and Joe look so similar, that it’s apparently very powerful DNA.

    Somewhere there’s an uncontacted Amazon tribe who all look exactly like Joe. Dr. Rosenthal got blackout drunk on a tour bus in South America during spring break once, and things happened that he can’t remember.

    1. Jamie

      I guess that’s one way to do a colonialism.

      1. Doctor_Who

        He came, he…actually that’s about it.

        1. Carms

          This sounds a lot like the Wickerman. Yknow, with Nic Cage and the Bees?

        2. Felix

          No, not the beeeeeeeeeeeeeez

      2. Decidedly Orthogonal

        “to do a colonialism.” has been added to my handbrain for future use. Merci.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Joe’s paternal lineage is just “Joe Clones Through the Ages”.

    3. Z

      In Short packed, he was the first one Ultracar pulled the “dump in the Amazon” gag on.

  3. ThunderNight

    Does anyone actually ask mike?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Sure, right now some students having a sleepover have broken out the Ouija board, and are leaning unpleasant things about their mothers.

      1. Proxiehunter

        And why said mothers were always short on nickles.

      2. The Wellerman

        Ouija board? Don’t you mean Wiigii board? ?

        1. mrnoidea

          Oh hey, that’s pretty good!

          But I got a riddle in return.

        2. The Wellerman

          And what would that be?

        3. mrnoidea

          How many figs would the big pigs dig if the big pigs could dig figs?

    2. King Daniel

      I asked M’aiq, but he is a self-professed liar.

  4. Steamweed

    “Why must sexual objects ruin everything by being real people?”

    IKR!?!?

    1. Zaxares

      That’s why you fantasize about video game characters! 😉

      1. The Wellerman

        You mean like Amber’s doing here? (NSFW) ?

      2. Rose by Any Other Name

        Or your own original characters!

        … that may or may not be loosely based on video game characters…

        1. Needfuldoer

          “I’m not Sonic! I’m my own original character, Blonic!”

        2. RassilonTDavros

          These aren’t Knuckles the Echidna, these are my Original characters Edmund, Steppenwolf, Moonwatcher, Harlan, Rembrandt, Aaron, Jordan, Matthias, Hawking, Tobor, Spectre, Sojourner, Thunderhawk, Janelle-Li, Athair, Sabre, and Locke!

          I hate that I was able to do this from memory

        3. Spencer

          Shout out to Tobor, who was replaced by a member of the Dark Legion and nobody in the Brotherhood noticed on account of his dad grabbing the wrong Echidna from a pile of wreckage and thinking it was his son, since all of them look the exact same.

        4. James

          That plot point could have been a potentially clever self-critique on character design, but no, it was just terrible writing. Sad.

        5. C.T. Phipps

          Hey, I make a living doing that as an indie author!

          Claire Redfield only showed up in one of my Agent G books!

          🙂

    2. Decidedly Orthogonal

      ? Mine don’t. Those things know better than that.

  5. Spencer

    Consider the following: Amber went ham shipping Danny/Ethan/Sal despite all rationality dictating that would be A Bad Time. More specifically, she suddenly declared an interest in Danny smooching boys since “it’s canon.”

    Y’all.

    Amber’s totally gonna wingman for Joe.

    1. Thag Simmons

      sickos.png

  6. The Wellerman

    First of all Amber, it doesn’t hurt anyone as long as you DON’T TELL THEM about it and DON’T TRY TO MAKE THESE FANTASIES REAL.

    Second, now I’m gravitating towards Joe being the OG Fap Fairy, given how much he and Amber interacted BEFORE the whole Liz incident.

    1. Keulen

      Yeah, that’s pretty much my main problem with what Amber’s doing right now. I don’t mind shipping real life people, but it’s really creepy to tell those people you ship them and then try to push those people to get together.

    2. Opus the Poet

      Are you talking about Urela, the Internet Porn Fairy?
      https://pictures.hentai-foundry.com/b/BleedingPervert/657731/BleedingPervert-657731-Slipshine_Mascot_-_Urela_Internet_Porn_fairy.png
      She’s been around ever since Slipshine was created by Jackie Lesnick (no relation to Ruth)

  7. King Daniel

    So who said Joe must’ve been rubbing off on Amber a few days ago, again?

    1. Thag Simmons

      I was saying Faz, and frankly, I stand by it.

      1. The Wellerman

        Maybe this Amber is like a Super Saiyan God of fapping fantasy — the result of five fappers who have their powers merged into one.

        1. thakoru

          Captain Planet but horny.

        2. Zach

          Captain Planet was always horny. He does it like he’s on the discovery channel.

        3. The Wellerman

          The Super Saiyan God metaphor works better IMO, because Captain Planet can’t manifest without all members and their rings present each and every time.

          And by the looks of it, Amber doesn’t need all the OG players around to manifest her powers.

  8. RassilonTDavros

    Honestly, if Joe didn’t so obviously resemble Richard, we’d probably have real fan theories about this.

    1. C.T. Phipps

      That’s because we don’t consider that Stacy has super-genes too.

      All female descendants of her are identical to Amber.

      1. Heather

        Dorothy learns she was the result of donor eggs.

  9. DarkoNeko

    I wonder how many people, beside Sal and Joe, have see Amber basically talking to herself and insulting the air like that

    1. Thag Simmons

      However many people were watching her Mario stream.

  10. Nono

    Okay, but I bet Joe is used to being climbed on during sex.

    1. Roborat

      Or in the cafeteria.

  11. Lan

    I’d just like to say that I called this

  12. Josh Spicer

    Amber: Again, not you Joe.

    Joe: Yeah shut up Mike.

    Mike: Oh so NOW who’s hallucinating?

    Joe:…shit

  13. BBCC

    Ahhhhh siblings.

  14. Kravis

    “Wh-What are you doin’ step-sister?”

    1. Spencer

      We’ve gone this long without anyone saying this and you had to ruin it.

      1. King Daniel

        Faz ruined it first.

      2. Kravis

        That’s what I’m here for, m*therfucka!

    2. Thag Simmons

      I think the answer is “dissociating”

  15. Derek

    I really don’t know if Amber is meant to be funny or endearing in this storyline, but that’s a genuinely fucked up thing to say in the first panel.
    Like, nothing about this is cute or something easily brushed off as a joke.

    1. Thag Simmons

      Pathetic feels like the wrong word, but it’s probably closer than funny or endearing. She’s in a bad place right now and she’s being extremely inappropriate, I don’t think this is supposed to be okay.

    2. Spencer

      Is Amber’s sexual objectifying of Danny for being bisexual that Danny himself called objectifying and akin to being treated like a weird sex puppet, and then Sal added to that by telling Amber to piss off like half an hour after making a fairly big effort at clearing the air with Amber regarding dating Danny, meant to be an endearing character trait? Probably not.

    3. alongcameaspider

      It seems fairly clear we’re meant to be put off by it, given how other characters have reacted

    4. C.T. Phipps

      I think its meant to highlight Amber is completely unsocialized outside of Amazi-Girl, Mike, and Ethan.

      While Mike and Ethan existed, she had outlets for social interaction.

      Now she has none so she speaks openly only about what she knows: games and erotic fanfic.

      1. thejeff

        She rarely interacted with Mike except under protest. She dated Danny (and kind of Walky.) She’s still friendly with both of them. She was friends with Dina and kind of headed in that direction with Sal. A bit.

        She’s definitely got problems, but they’re far more attached to the trauma of last semester (and the rest of her life) than to just lacking social interaction.

        She’s also seriously sleep deprived right now, which isn’t at all good for her.

    5. Keulen

      I’m pretty sure her behavior in the past few strips isn’t meant to be funny or endearing. At least, I hope not. Because it’s actually really freaking creepy.

    6. zee

      No no I’m pretty sure she’s supposed to be objectively horrifying here. I mean it’s straight up being side by side compared to classic flavor joe in today’s strip

      1. Derek

        Classic flavour Joe was never this bad

        1. thejeff

          He was never like this.

          But “fix her with my penis” is pretty damn awful. So was the talk of alcohol fueled threesomes.
          It was mostly performative, but so is this.

  16. Kim

    Yay!
    The best sibling-relationship is back on-panel! ^_^ <3

  17. thakoru

    For real though, I do kind of love how quickly these two have developed a sibling-esque rapport.

    1. J. Gawain

      Christmas break will do that to people.

  18. Nathan

    Joe, desperately trying to figure out how he somehow ended up being the most normal person here.

  19. StClair

    This is some grade-A parallelism, well done.

    1. Deathjavu

      That she can still be describing herself 3 panels in, but also unintentionally bulls-eyeing Joe is just perfect.

  20. Cholma

    Look, Amber, just admit you harbor PSL for real people and make peace with it.

    1. thakoru

      What does “PSL” mean in this context? None of the Wikipedia articles that come up for it seem appropriate. Party for Socialism and Liberation? Percentage of the Speed of Light? Pumpkin Spice Latte?

      1. fishamaphone

        Perverse Sexual Lust. It was sort of an informal slogan for one of Willis’s earlier comics.

        1. Amós Batista

          err…this?

        2. The Wellerman

          Yeah, and for some reason, it’s seen at the end of one of Willis’s early flash animations.

        3. Needfuldoer

          Three takeaways from that:

          1. I had no idea there was official Joyce and Walky animation! That must have been something like Flash 5.

          2. Getting some real “early Newgrounds Portal” energy from that. Motion tweens, compressed and recycled audio so it doesn’t take an hour to download at 28.8k…

          3. It’s weird to hear the characters actually talking, not in the internal dialogue voices I usually read their dialogue with.

        4. Amós Batista

          oh, I miss Flash 90’s animations. Loved the video.

        5. Rocket Relm

          Okay so I browsed through that, having not read a lot of his other works, and I have found :3 face Joe and I do not know how I feel about it.

  21. Bagge

    She’s not talking about Joe, but she’s still kinda talking about Joe.

    1. Axel_Grease

      She’s not even aware of Joe as a person or that he shares some of the same qualities.

  22. Romanticide

    Joe has not being given any moment to be able to cool down and rest a little hasn’t he?

  23. Tenzhi

    Anyone else read that as “tall and Joe-ish”?

  24. BigBassBone

    Jesus, Amber. Just… no.

  25. mrnoidea

    Joe. Just…just say “What happened.” Your ego can wait.

    1. Rani

      It’s ego to ask why a madwoman is invading your space and rambling passive aggressively at you?

    2. alongcameaspider

      To be fair he probably doesn’t know anything happened to ask about, she just showed up grumbling passive aggressively about stuff that could very well apply to him out of context

      1. StClair

        Amazingly (ha) so, yes.

  26. Steelbright

    once again, i hope Joe actually is forced to have a real conversation with somebody about what’s going on with them/him…

    1. C.T. Phipps

      Joe’s desire to be completely carefree and emotionally unattached probably has made him more like his father than his father ever was.

    2. StClair

      bender-serious.gif

  27. Carms

    i like Joe more and more

  28. Laura

    Is that how she was Ethan? As tall, Jewish furniture?

    I wonder — does AmaziGirl still like herself?

    1. Sunny

      I think she misses Ethan, and Joe is a good enough stand-in as long as he doesn’t say anything. She can pretend that things are still normal between her and Ethan for a little while. As long as she’s sleep-deprived enough.

    2. C.T. Phipps

      It’d be interesting but what if Mike killed Amazi-Girl?

      Like…AG disappeared after all this because Amber felt it got Mike killed?

      No it’s how real DID works but it might work via comic logic.

      1. Daibhid C

        We’ve seen Amazi-Gitl since then, though. She’s just stopped being a superhero.

      2. thejeff

        Amazi-Girl’s apparently given up the costume, but she’s still around. She plays roller derby.

  29. Rocket Relm

    I at first thought this little plotline about Amber being a creep was kinda dull and stupid, but I retroactively withdraw all my complaints, those first three panels make whatever contrivances that needed to happen entirely worth it.

  30. Rectilinear Propagation

    Petition to have, “I was standing here minding my own business”, replace the “I’m in this picture and I don’t like it” meme.

    1. Daibhid C

      Upvote.

    2. Arioch

      Upvote

    3. RedCat

      I feel like it’s much more similar to “I came here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling attacked right now”.

      1. Rectilinear Propagation

        You’re right!

  31. Rabisch

    Joe, you have a sister now. You can’t be “here minding my own business” anymore without that girl run near to you and start talking about things that makes feel you very uncomfortable. But you can do the same! It’s a good thing! If you two don’t end up hating each other, of course.

  32. Stephen Bolhafner

    I wonder if someone IRL has been talking to Willis about making light of mental illness and how serious it is. Amber looks to me like she’s heading into a serious crisis that could have life-altering cataclysmic consequences.

    “Hey kids! It’s no fun to be mentally ill! Watch this train wreck and see!”

    1. Clif

      Ha! Willis has been doing train wrecks since before trains were invented.

    2. Axel_Grease

      Personally I’ve never felt like Willis was making light of it. Look at what happened with Ruth.

      1. Sombrero

        More making fire than making light.

    3. Koms

      I really don’t think making fun of mental illness is his intention. In fact what I think is that he actually wants to say that mental health issues are fairly common and aren’t usually treated as seriously or with as much empathy as they should be. He probably wants to spread awareness, I’m only guessing.

      Also this is a comic so many things are exaggerated. But I don’t think Mr. Willis would poke fun at things like these.

      As for myself, reading this comic and the comment section has definitely made me more aware.

      1. The Wellerman

        +1

        ?

    4. Eldritchy

      Is he making light of mental illness though? Like DoA is partially a comedy so you can expect certain aspects to be shown in a light-hearted way. But it’s not like several characters who are in the know didn’t express concern with Amber’s state and made it clear that she is Not well.

  33. Wakeangel2001

    I defy you to tell me this line wouldn’t fit in here: “What are you doing step sis?”

  34. jothki

    There’s a growing issue here that Amber is supposed to be the one drawing these conclusions about herself, but since they come from “Mike” she feels that she can ignore them.

  35. Rani

    “Tall and Jewish” “furniture” tho

  36. Alifer

    How long before she tells someone about brain ghost mike or gives him a puppet or something to possess

    1. Tomn

      ALL HAIL SATAN

      https://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/02-threes-a-crowd/answer-2/

      1. The Wellerman

        Speaking of which…

        Willis and I must be mind-linked or something — I had a dream last night that I went on a field trip to HELL, which is what I imagine it must be like to NOT be able to taste Mac and Cheese ???

    2. Needfuldoer

      It probably wouldn’t be very healthy for her, but now I’m just picturing Amber with a Muppet version of Mike (complete with perpetual grump and physics-defying hair).

  37. Pocky

    I know its unintentional; but Jewish and furniture really makes for an uncomfortable jokes to have made. . . yikes.

  38. thakoru

    Dumbing of Age Book 12: I was standing here MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS!

  39. ADLegend21

    man, Joe just cannot catch a break.

  40. Rartorata

    Joe is… the one person Amber’s age I am 100% confident is NOT Amber’s half-sibling, resemblance or no.

  41. JA

    First panel I giggled pretty hard at.

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