263

Offbase
Posted on January 21, 2019 by David M Willis

263 thoughts on “Offbase”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    pain and pleasure are never far apart

    I suppose, neither are attraction and repulsion

    1. motorfirebox

      Maybe that explains why I’m so attracted to rotten milk full of dead spiders.

      1. Zach

        I want to see this. I would take pictures

      2. Chronos

        Oh, hey, new mental image for my nightmares!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Magnets; how do they work?

      1. Durandal_1707

        Magnets themselves are fairly straightforward; my understanding is that it’s the fucking kind that are confusing.

      2. Remmington Steele

        If you’re drawn to magnets, maybe you’ve a high iron content?

        1. Annonymouse

          There is also nickle cobalt neodymium ….. ah, after all these years that would explain the nickles in a whole new way.

        2. Jeff K!

          You shouldn’t build an enclosure out of nickle.

          You want to make sure you’re building a nickle-less cage.

        3. Roborat

          I see what you did there.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Oddly enough, I do have a high red blood count, a side effect of cyanide gas exposure over a quarter of a century ago.

        5. Jon Rich

          Wait, what? Cyanide gas exposure? That sounds….alarming.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          I used a fire extinguisher that came with the caravan I was living in, it turned out that they banned that brand of fire extinguisher because it gave off cyanide gas as well as the foam when you used it, I used it in a confined space trying to put out an oil fire which was hard as the smoke made everything but the flames themselves black.

          I was told about the cyanide gas when they placed me on hot oxygen to force me to purge as much of that crap as possible, I can tell you hot oxygen is horrible to breathe.

          Apparently even small amounts of cyanide gas will permanently damage your lung capacity, in my case I was lucky not to have to have to carry a tank of oxygen with me everywhere, I just end up maxing out the amount of red blood cells my blood can handle like if I was living in a high altitude area.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Amber has dated two of Dorothy’s exes, she must be especially susceptible to Keener Pheromones.

    1. Arianod

      Word.

    2. Makkabee

      If she’d just go straight to the source… well, that would be another slipshine entry, I suppose.

      1. Ana Chronistic

        I know what to ask for my next makeout commission!

  3. Shiro

    Joyce.

    Sweetheart.

    Sit down, I have a life-changing revelation about yourself to impart.

    1. Yumi

      Is it that she’d really like Taco Bell if she gave it a chance?

      1. Shiro

        …yes. Taco Bell. That is absolutely what I was going to say definitely

        1. Doctor_Who

          “One day that girl’s gonna snap and make like a billion runs south of the border.”

        2. TheCerpent

          Something’s gonna be running, that’s for sure.

        3. pdp15

          Is it time to make a reference to how Taco Bell won the Franchise War?

        4. Abbefaria

          Demolition Man…I got that reference.

        5. Annonymouse

          Captain America …..

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        She certainly seems to like ‘tacos’ far more than she cares to admit.

        1. Tacos

          Que?

        2. Dave the Inverted

          Comments like these make me wish [name of commenting system] allowed for likes or stars….

        3. elebenty

          I agree… and I could have shown you that without having to un-lurk (de-lurk?) if we did have such a system.

      3. Zach

        No. Taco Bell is horrible garbage, and I can get sit down restaurant quality tacos (chicken or beef) literally across the street from my Taco Bell for the same price (per lb) They do pick up.

        1. Yumi

          At least you’re not one of those people who say, “I don’t like Taco Bell because I don’t really like Mexican food.”
          I still wouldn’t really compare the two, but I definitely wouldn’t equate them.

        2. Kinoko

          People say that? What the hell is wrong with them???

        3. Yumi

          People have said that in this very comment section.

        4. Makkabee

          I used to think I didn’t like Mexican food because I didn’t like Taco Bell. Then I had… well, I won’t call it real Mexican food, but better-prepared Tex-Mex. At any rate, I realized “hey, this stuff isn’t half bad when you cook it right!”

          THEN I had real Mexican food. I need to explore mole sauce in more depth.

        5. BarerMender

          I never had so much good food as I did in Mexico. Boy, they have good food, everywhere you go. Some fish shack on the beach that had nothing but fried fish and flat bread was just wonderful.

        6. thejeff

          Nah, I don’t eat Taco Bell because I saw them pour the meat out of a bag.

        7. ruhrow

          I’ve poured meat out of a bag when I’m done defrosting it…

        8. neeks

          My mom lives in a house with rooms primarily rented out to foreign college students. At one point one of her roommates was a guy from Mexico, who said he was curious about Taco Bell but kind of afraid to try it. “Don’t,” I said. “It’s not worth it.” Mind you, I *like* Taco Bell, but there are definitely better options out there for heavily Americanized Tex-Mex cuisine.

          Although I guess Tex-Mex was Americanized from the start, considering, you know….Texas.

        9. ruhrow

          Well, Texas *was* Mexican back in the day, so I suppose it depends on how old your Tex-Mex is!

        10. Plasma Mongoose

          Not a huge Mexican food fan, it’s not bad, but when it comes to spicy, East-Asian and Indian food is my first choice.

        11. Roborat

          Me neither, Taco Bell is definitely not Mexican food, it is not even Mexican food adjacent. Come to think of it, it is not even food.

        12. Dave the Inverted

          Indeed not. Taco Bell is Fakexican. And I say this as someone who eats there an average of once a week.

    2. MatthewTheLucky

      She’s not gay, Dorothy just has mind control pheromones, is all.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Girl believes in dinosaur dragons, I’d say Dorothy being magical isn’t beyond her.

        1. ShinyNeen

          She has the power to consistently choose to do work, that sure looks like magic to me >.>

        2. Marsh Maryrose

          Within the extremely limited confines that Joyce will agree that magic may exist.

      2. Lacuna

        I just pictured Dorothy cosplaying as Queen Bee from Young Justice.

      3. Needfuldoer

        She’s a born politician then.

      4. Nikol Geier

        This is another way to describe demisexuality, yes.

    3. Pablo360

      Her immediate reaction to someone saying Walky “smells nice” is to bring up Dorothy. This couldn’t get any more repressed-bisexual-tendencies if she put on a Viking helmet and belted an aria about how European she is.

      1. Jamie

        Poor Becky.

        1. StClair

          “Turns out I am bi, just… not for you.”

        2. StClair

          aaaand I should have kept scrolling down.

        3. Kensou

          I know, right? IF it happens (and I want it to), Becky’ll feel crushed.

        4. JetstreamGW

          I’m preeeeeetty sure Becky is assuming it at this point.

        5. Fart Captor

          People, Becky has Dina. She would be completely okay. Briefly exasperated, but totally okay

          She and Joyce will be best friends forever and she has the cutest dinosaur girlfriend anyone could ask for. SHE’LL BE FINE

        6. BBCC

          DINA might be insecure though. She’s already a bit worried about being a rebound.

        7. Felian

          Becky has Dina, who is totally a rebound…
          Becky was in love with Joyce for a long time. It doesn’t just… go away.
          Loving someone else doesn’t mean you stop loving who you loved before.

        8. Fart Captor

          Yeah, but she’s already HAD that crash, and has someone who loves her back

          There’s no more bandaid to rip off. Yes, she’ll likely still have wistful moments where she’s sad about what could’ve been, but Joyce was already off the table romantically. Her liking girls wouldn’t change that.

        9. Felian

          i don’t think so. Of course Becky is trying to get over Joyce on the basis that Joyce isn’t into her or into girls, but if Joyce would turn out to be into girls, i can imagine hope coming up for Becky again.

        10. Fart Captor

          Joyce being attracted to girls would change nothing. Joyce still wasn’t attracted to / in love with Becky.

          I’ve had that kind of long-lived, painfully hopeless crush that I clung to desperately like a drowning man, because even a fool’s hope seemed better than no hope at all. I’ve had one rise from the dead after I thought I’d given up and moved on.

          Becky’s crush is broken. She’s also not desperate and afraid anymore like when she kissed Joyce, and she’s clearly in love with Dina now. She’s not drowning, even a little, so there’s no motivation for her to grasp desperately at scraps of fool’s hope floating by.

          Since she was genuinely in love with Joyce instead of only having a superficial crush on her, it will might take time for that to fully heal, it’s more like she’s getting over an old ex that she’s still good friends with. She’s happy just being friends with Joyce. It’s just that she’s got a lot of memories that are bittersweet to think about now.

      2. Raen

        …wait, what?

    4. Kyrik Michalowski

      I know there is no chance of Joyce suddenly becoming bi/gay but that would be the ultimate twist and would make my day if she did. If for no other reason than the arc of her trying to come to terms with it would be fascinating. Also because her clear crush on Dorothy would cause drama when Becky realizes she now has direct competition for Joyce.

      1. Dara

        “You are gay – just not for me?!”

        (“gay” because last we saw Becky was still struggling with the concept of bisexuality and I suspect that’s still how she’d say it.)

        I mean, we don’t know the details, but they apparently did a fair amount of at least low-grade making out in the past. And Joyce enjoyed it. She just thought it was platonic. Somehow.

        1. Tyler Eldred

          they did what now

        2. Gwydion

          Wait what? I’m going to need references for that, for…research purposes.

        3. Hoboturtle

          waitwaitwait what? When was that established?

          Was that established? Please let that have been established.

        4. Miri

          … I think the “Becky may have skewed my perspective of what a platonic friendship is supposed to be like” comment refers to things like Becky picking the sausage off her pizza, them sleeping in the same bed, and perhaps being quite cuddly. Joyce was utterly aghast and shocked when Becky tried to kiss her. When Mike asks her if the girl she’d go gay for is Sal her response is “I wish. Maybe if I didn’t need to deal with anything below the neck” IIRC (the “maybe” might not have been present?). None of that speaks to a past of casual “friendly” make-outs to me?!

        5. Kinoko

          Yeah, you are correct. There’s been nothing in this comic to indicate Joyce is a confused bisexual other than people making jokes about her being very attached to Dorothy. And she *definitely* did not have past makeouts with Becky. There was just the one unwanted kiss.

        6. Emily

          I mean, her fixation on Dorothy does kinda scream “repressed crush” and mirrors the experiences of a lot of closeted girls who rationalize their attraction as just really close friendship. It’s actually kinda irritating if Joyce is straight and this is just a running gag.

        7. thejeff

          Though it’s also been justified in world with the “Becky may have skewed my perspective of what a platonic friendship is supposed to be like”

        8. Emily

          Sure. It’s still annoying though.

        9. Zee

          To be fair, we bis do call ourselves gay

        10. Jaime

          I 100% respect your right to self-identify using any terminology that is right for you. I do have to say, as a bisexual person myself, that calling myself “gay” would be taken very much amiss by people in my personal and professional circles.

          In fact, there has been a lot of push-back against the word “bisexual” in my local community since many people argue that it reinforces the false notion that gender is binary. I usually call myself pansexual or just Queer. (I really like the latter as an umbrella term for lots of different gender and sexual identities.)

        11. Unusually Angry Hippie

          This. This PISSES ME OFF to no end, the amount of gatekeeping going on around the words people use to express themselves. Apparently, people can identify as whatever they want….except bisexual. Bi is what I chose to identify as when I finally came to terms with it, and so it has a sentimental value for me. And I don’t like people to whom the term does not belong trying to take it away from me on semantic grounds.

          I used to consider myself very progressive but at this point would probably be considered not progressive enough by the loudest voices in the community because I’m not willing to buy into the obsession with policing vocabulary. At some point we(if it’s even a ‘we’ or me anymore) stopped taking a stand against authoritarians and instead became a more exclusive club of authoritarians.

          I knew things were changing for the worse as soon as ‘egalitarian’ somehow became a dirty word. And if ‘bisexual’ is sending the wrong message by reinforcing the gender binary, how does ‘feminism’ get a pass?

        12. Monarch Bee

          Terminology is important, but exclusion like that without *very* good reason (like actual discrimination, not just usage of terms you think are outdated) is NOT okay in pretty much any serious activist queer group I’ve ever spoken to. If you’re dealing with Tumblr-adjacent sources or wannabe academics who don’t know anything about actually existing as queer folks in the real world in a larger community I can see how that impression could come up, but it’s not a normal experience and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with it. :/

          I can’t speak for everyone, but in terms of both my online and my (very large) city’s queer liberation and intersectional leftist communities, supporting bisexual people – including people who use that term – is an important part of being “woke” (arguably more widely so than acceptance of enbies, which really shouldn’t be mutually exclusive things…). Plenty of people use words for historical or other purposes, and pan does not cover all of bi people anyways, and also most of all self-identification is a big deal and telling someone they “can’t identify” in a certain way is a *big* no no around here.

          The general perspective of that bisexuality acts as an umbrella term over pansexuality – bisexuals are attracted to more than one gender, while for pansexuals either they’re attracted to all genders or gender is not relevant to attraction (depending on who you ask).

      2. mrnoidea

        Perhaps Joyce is still sexually straight, but bi- or pan-romantic.

        1. thejeff

          I have a sneaking suspicion that’s more common than anyone thinks.

    5. TemperaryObsessor

      I believe that she is mostly strait.

      1. showler

        But partially fjord.

        1. DSL

          Sound thinking, if channeled properly.

        2. Clif

          Sorry , we don’t truck with strait fjords. It’s just a river we can’t cross.

          But mostly, we’re too jeep.

    6. Tan

      I mean, look, do we know that she’s wrong? We’re gonna need to have Lucy around Dorothy for a bit before we can really judge this.

  4. shadowcell

    Dumbing of Age Book 9: It’s Actually Dorothy!

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      Somehow my brain turned this into “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Dorothy!” Ah, advertising brainworms…

      1. Tacos

        Try the new Dorothy substitute. Now with no GMO!

      2. ShinyNeen

        Pfft! So, I guess that would that be Jacob then?

    2. Keulen

      Dumbing of Age Book 9: He’s Made Out Of Pretty Parts

      1. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

        ♪♫♬In just seven days I can make you a man!♬♫♪

        1. Roborat

          (and six long nights)

  5. Yumi

    Damn, Joyce, you better not let Becky hear you talk like that.

  6. Stephen Bierce

    *looks for that dance music from Scent of a Woman*

    1. Stephen Bierce

      There are no mistakes in tango

  7. DarkoNeko

    Face it, Lucy, your destined one is Dorothy, not Walky.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Dotty as the first female white POTUS with the second black First Lady.

      1. Chris Phoenix

        First white female POTUS… let’s see, translating back from comic time to real time, that would happen in (I’m guessing) 2256? Yeah, in this f’n country, that’s plausible.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Well, there was some guy on Twitter saying we’d need at least 200 years to have real gender equality. So, yeah, that adds up.

  8. ValdVin

    Joyce’s latent feelings about Dot-o she’s projecting onto Walky?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Are you saying that Joyce wants the D? (Dotty)

  9. bleepbloop

    The day Joyce eventually figures out her feelings for Dorothy, we feast.

  10. ShinyNeen

    Okay Joyce, sure. So now any girl would be attracted to Dorothy-adjacency, hm?

  11. newllend(henryvolt)

    Recently I watched a Youtube video that dicussed the “6 type’s of male Charisma portrayed by MCU actors” and going by that video I notice at least 3 male Characters in DoA that can be identified with some of these types.

    You have Danny who’s a “Giver” type and Joe who’s a ” Casanova” type and then you got Walky who fortunately for him has the Chris Pratt kind charm going for him which is identified as “The Goofball.” With a Non-Stop humorous personality and a small vibe of charm that can always lighten up almost anymood, for most people they find it easy to be fond of a goofball especially those of the opposite sex that might unawarely be drawn to a goofball. The problem is that Charisma types like this have little to no seductive skills so their not really Smooth operators. If there is a girl that A goofball Like Walky would be into then off chance he’s going to make himself look like a spaz leaving it up for any romantic interest to be the one to make a move on him.

    1. cbwroses

      Look like a spaz? You mean like tossing a toy at his crush’s head?

      1. Delicious Taffy

        Are we still saying “spaz” in 2019?

        1. Clif

          Apparently.

        2. Valerie

          Isn’t it one of those cultural things? It’s like super rude in Europe (equivalent to the R-word) but it just means something like “weirdo” in the US?

        3. MatthewTheLucky

          Yeah.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Is there somewhere between “giver” and “goofball” on that chart? Because that hit a little too close to home…

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        Well if your easy to please and like to humorously elevate other people more than yourself than it says you might swing closer to a giver type.

  12. Kyrik Michalowski

    I am still hoping the Amber and Walky ship sails rather than Lucy and Walky. And Joyce is not entirely wrong about Walky, he does have his good qualities as well but damn if he isn’t using them. Like his brain for example, we know for a fact Walky is very smart and would do well if he studied but he doesn’t so he is struggling.

    1. DailyBrad

      Walky’s got the same problem a lot of people have where they got by fine early on, so they never really learned to study properly. Not that what Dorothy does would be proper, either, because that’s frying her brain, but even still, she’s at least got the discipline down.

  13. DailyBrad

    Joyce, begrudgingly admitting Walky’s pretty and sounding mighty gay within seconds of each other.

    In any case, guessing Walky’s probably going to take better care of himself going forward, anyhow, due to Amber or otherwise. Granted, Amber can let herself get into MMO mode, but she’s not an outright poopsock, so I can’t imagine she’d want him to reek. (if they end up staying together, at any rate)

    1. Needfuldoer

      Poopsocking is unnecessary when you have a laptop.

      1. Sunny

        Because you can take the laptop with you to the toilet, right?

        1. Clif

          I’m not sure Walky could handle a laptop and tacos at the same time.

  14. AntJ

    Joyce: *kissing Walky* you taste like Dorothy

  15. BBCC

    Oh, Joyce, of course it’s Dorothy that you see as appealing about Walky. Of course.

    And Lucy, I admire your optimism.

    But yes, please, dear GOD, if anyone is going to change anything about Walky, please let it be him washing his clothes in a timely manner.

  16. timemonkey

    Joyce could smell Dorothy on someone she brushed against once a month ago.

  17. Roger

    it’s kind of a shame that the first conversation these two have is marred by joyce having had a weird morning and Lucy stuck talking about Walky. They could probably be instant friends had they met in even marginally different circumstances.

  18. Chronos

    Walky x Growingthefuckup

    My OTP

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      It is my sad duty to observe that your ship is not likely to sail for many in-comic years. So, not until Willis’s hypothetical great-grandkids take over the family business.

  19. Professor Detective

    I will never get the hate for Taco Bell.

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      Neither will I, Taco Bell is something I crave on a fairly frequent basis though I rarely get it.

    2. Chronos

      For me, it was all the horror stories I heard. One delightful one involved employees shitting in the taco meat. It wasn’t until I was an adult before I was willing to give Taco Bell a try.

    3. C.

      Maybe it’s the oats.

      I like Taco Bell’s oat/beef tacos, but it’s not a thing you expect to find in a taco.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        The oats are the best part. Fucking fight me.

    4. timemonkey

      And I will never understand the appeal.

    5. FaerwenOfValenwood

      I personally don’t mind Taco Bell; it’s okay.

      It’s my bowels who hate it.

    6. Marsh Maryrose

      Clearly, the haters of Taco Bell either have not read Acts 10:13, or do not comprehend it.

      1. Clif

        The great commission.

    7. Sunny

      I have never eaten whatever it is Taco Bell sells.

    8. Deanatay

      La-la-la
      Microwave it up
      La-la-la
      The girls are waiting

      My chalupa brings all the girls to the yard
      And they’re like, “It’s better than yours”
      Damn right, it’s better than yours
      I’d get two, but I’d have to charge

    9. Jaime

      While objectively I know Taco Bell is lousy Mexican food and lousy food in general, I have a nostalgic affection for it. As an undergrad, I sometimes had to take hours-long evening lab classes that ran until after the dorm dining halls closed. I was also poor, as most college students tend to be. There was a Taco Bell on campus. For about $5, I could get dinner (I usually got two basic soft tacos and one basic hard taco). Then I’d walk next door to the convenience store and get a 50 cent Little Debbie’s cake for dessert.

      Memories…

  20. Larkle

    Really, instead of talking about his laundry habits, Joyce should be saying something about how Walky is maybe in a relationship with Amber or possibly just broken up a few minutes ago. Though in fairness, I’m not entirely sure what level of accurate discernment Joyce has for that situation.

    1. BBCC

      Lucy knows. Walky told her he didn’t think it was going to work out.

    2. Icalasari

      Joyce: Hmm, I seem to be attracted to Walky in every way possible. …I must be gay for Dorothy

      Not sure whether that’s a step forward or back for Joyce breaking from her mom’s mindfuckery

      1. Icalasari

        Oh come on why did it reply I refreshed the page and glrble

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          There is definitely something non-intuitive about the way this site handles incomplete replies/comments. I am not paid to look at code anymore and so I don’t, but I’ve found that if I want to start fresh, it’s better to leave the page and then come back, instead of refreshing.

      2. Emily

        Except she’s right, all of those things are Dorothy’s handiwork not anything innate to Walky. He dresses himself like he’s 12, I can’t imagine he smells anything better than mildly unpleasant when left to his own devices because he rarely washes his clothes and like 70% of his diet is fast food Also, she listed literally three traits that is hardly “every way possible.”

  21. EvilMidnightLurker

    Walky, harem protagonist. At least he’s not as bland as the usual schlubs.

  22. butts

    maybe that’s just you, honey

  23. lilyliv

    Am I the only one who *wouldn’t* really feel bad for Becky if Joyce *did* end up discovering she isn’t straight after all? Don’t get me wrong–I like Becky; she actually reminds me a lot of one of my friends–but she’s not any more entitled to have a girl return her affections than any random guy would be. Just because someone’s interested in your gender doesn’t mean you should take offense to them not being interested in *you*, and I hope she wouldn’t.

    (Also… Becky has a girlfriend now anyway? Who is the best. So there’s also that.)

    1. HMH

      Yeah, definitely ditto on the point that I think Becky and Joyce would be a really horrible, basically toxic relationship for both of them. Becky defers and romanticizes the idea of Joyce way too much for them to have a healthy, equal relationship without both of them changing significantly as friends and as people first.

    2. BBCC

      It’s okay to acknowledge someone isn’t obligated to return another’s feelings and still feel bad for the person being turned down. If Becky were to be an ass about it, that’d be different, but I’d like to think she wouldn’t be. Just a normal level of sad that her crush didn’t like her, which is a valid way to feel.

      1. lilyliv

        Fair point. I’m a little touchy about this particular subject, I guess.

        1. BBCC

          Understandable. It’s hardly a pleasant subject.

      2. geno

        Becky is an obnoxious jerk about most things. I love her, but I definitely think her initial reaction would be mean. She would certainly make it up to Joyce, and probably grow up a little after having that band-aid was ripped off though. Probably a pep talk from Leslie to get herself sorted

        1. BBCC

          I think if Becky were going to be an ass about it, it would be more along the lines of making snotty comments about Dorothy, as opposed to acting like she’s entitled to Joyce.

        2. the final pam

          I can see Becky having a moment of “you couldn’t realize this for me?!” tho

        3. BBCC

          I can kinda see that.

    3. BenRG

      FWIW, I speculated a while back that one of the hardest things that Becky will need to deal with if Joyce decides that she is bisexual is the realisation that she simply isn’t Joyce’s romantic type.

      1. not someone else

        (Or hell, just isn’t into someone she’s known since she was small! A lot of people are like that!)

        1. Kinoko

          Funny, since Joyce (used to) romanticize the shit out of that re: Walky and Billie.

    4. Chris Phoenix

      Heh, that reminds me of this recent S*P thread (which is rather sweet).

    5. Fart Captor

      Yes! Becky might briefly be a bit frustrated by it since she carried that torch for so long, but she’s REALLY happy with Dina so that would last for all of one sarcastic remark at most

      1. thejeff

        Nah, I suspect Becky would milk it for years.
        In a good natured way, of course.

    6. Doopyboop

      You honestly bring up a good point and it’s one I feel should be addressed more in culture. We always have stories about unrequited love, and how much it sucks to love someone who won’t love you back for whatever reason only for the end to be like “oh joy, they love me now!”. I’d enjoy more things that delve into how it feels on the other side. How it’s okay to not reciprocate someone’s feelings because hey. It’s a two-way street and if the other person, regardless of gender or sexuality, doesn’t feel the same way? It’s okay. Not the end of the world. I really admire that Becky can have a crush on Joyce but still treasure her friendship with her and that they’re still great friends. Plus, Becky/Dina is perfect!

      1. lilyliv

        Yes! The reason I’m so touchy about this subject is because I seemed to constantly be the object of somebody-or-other’s unrequited crush when I was growing up, and a lot of people were really shitty to me about it, acting like I was selfish for “not giving them a chance” regardless of my own feelings. Unrequited feelings definitely suck, but not just for the person who has the crush, and the was our culture treats the object of those affections a lot of the time is… well, bad. ^_^’

    7. Bagge

      Becky pre-Dina would have been devastated.

      Becky with Dina could probably see the humor in it.

      Back when Becky fled Anderson’s and her shit-brick of a father, Joyce was more than just the girl she loved. She was – quite literary – Becky’s only hope. Her whole plan when she lost her home, her school, her family and everything except the clothes she wore on her body was “Get to Joyce and things will be OK.”

      Turns out it was a pretty good plan.

      Now she has somewhere to crash. Her butthole-for-brains-father is in prison. She has friends. She’s out and proud and allowed to be out and proud. She has an INCREDIBLY rad girlfriend. She has parental figures that look out for her, both her surprisingly-decent new-and-better dad Hank, her awesome-lesbian-kinda-mom Leslie AND the approval of her dead mom who would be proud of what she has become (thanks, Hank). She has a job. She has income. She has a gosh-danged future. And she still has her bestest-friend-in-the-entire-world Joyce. She doesn’t NEED Joyce’s love the same way she did before. If Joyce turn out to love someone else who is a girl-someone-else, Becky will hurt but she’ll survive.

      In a very real way, Joyce was the best thing in Becky’s old life. But Dina is the best thing in Becky’s NEW life.

      In short: Dooooooofuses 🙂

    8. Felian

      Yes, you are right.
      I think the part that would be painful is when Becky has to rip off the band-aid that Joyce doesn’t love her back because “not her type“ – while now she still has the option to go for „if she was into girls, she WOULD be into ME” head canon. While in any case, Becky doesn’t get to be with Joyce romantically, it’s easier on self-esteem if you can tell yourself that it’s just because of your gender…

  24. Andy

    Given how much Taco Bell he eats, it’s very surprising that he smells nice.

  25. paleotectonics

    A.) Joyce is really not a good person. Selfish as hell, no sense whatsoever of boundaries, and so very tightly wound to the point of obsessiveness.

    2.) Joyce is so deep in the closet that the goddammit faun is staring at her ass.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Mr. Tumnus is no sort of pervert. You leave him out of this.

      1. Jade

        Though to be fair, what kind of person is so cold he has to wear a scarf, but not enough to cover his exposed nipples?

        That’s what I thought ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

  26. ktbear

    So when do we get to the whole, “Walky has a violent vigilante girlfriend who will f f flipping muck you up if you try to steal him off her”? Sure, the two of them might end up breaking up, and shortly, but they haven’t even had that conversation yet. Seems to me that Lucy is inadvertently playing with fire here.

    1. Qaint

      It’s not stealing if it’s in the garbage bin!

      Though Amber did sound like she would be understanding if things didn’t work out. However it would be interesting for walky to inadvertently get a “player” reputation due to many short relationships and see how he deals with that.

  27. Zach

    I for one think Joyce is on the right track. Walky is a decent enough fellow but to have three women come on to him in such a short period of time, two of whom were actively avoiding relationships, would be a little more believably attributable to pheromones than anything about Walky himself

    1. DailyBrad

      Ethan, Joe, and Jacob have had higher numbers check them out within a brief time, just been a bit. I think it’d be easier to name the amount of the main cast who haven’t commented on Jacob being hot than have, at this point. It happens.

      1. Emily

        Ethan, Joe, and Jacob are traditionally attractive beefcakes. Walky is a faintly odorous goofball whose ex had to pick out his clothes for him to not dress like he’s in middle school.

        1. Miri

          And Ethan and Jacob are both total sweeties, and Joe makes it his business to meet as many women as possible.

        2. Madock345

          He’s got a “body sculpted out of caramel” I think we can safely say he’s attractive

        3. Emily

          Unless these women have x-ray vision they can’t see that through the hoodies and butt-taco t-shirts.

  28. Bagge

    Yes, Joyce. That is the only logical explanation. It’s not only you.

  29. ninja_jesus

    Joyce may be biiiiiii

  30. Lia47

    a lot of the broken up walkyverse relationships kind of make me sad when i think about them but this will never not be funny

  31. Nobody

    That’s it the smell of Dorothy is irresistible to other girls

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      My sweet scent brings all the girls to the yard
      And they’re like, it’s better than Taco Bell
      Damn right, it’s better than Taco Bell

      …no, wait, that’s not working as a lyric. What could be better than Taco Bell?

      1. Clif

        Subs and pizza. But not the Chicago kind.

      2. Bicycle Bill

        Chicken McNuggets — fifty McNuggets for ten bucks.
        Fifty.
        McNuggets.

        1. ValdVin

          Fifty. McNuggets. is a safe amount.

          Once one gets above 100 it’s time to worry: https://munchies.vice.com/en_uk/article/a3jzap/plot-twist-man-who-drunkenly-demanded-200-mcnuggets-claims-hes-vegan

      3. Roborat

        What could be better than Taco Bell?? Anything that even remotely classifies as food.

  32. Arianod

    Jeez, Joyce. Not everybody is crazy over Dorothy.

    1. Keulen

      Seems like most of them are crazy over Walky right now. Well, 3 or 4 of them at least.

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        Somehow this puts me in mind of The Commitments one of the great music-group movies of all time.

        At the climax of the movie, it turns out that the charismatic trumpet player, Joey “The Lips” Fagan, has been romancing all three of the singers. Sadly, it does not end in polyamory, and it does not end well.

    2. JessWitt

      Projecting her girl crush much?

  33. Screwball

    Well, I have heard most “straight” Human Females aren’t 100% “straight”, so there is a possibility ALL the ladies now attracted to Walky are really being attracted to the residual Dorothy scent…

    And yet whenever I try using that fact to arrange happy times with 2 Human Ladies, they ALWAYS end up beating me up with the furniture or calling the Cops…

  34. BenRG

    Wait, is Joyce saying all the things she finds potentially attractive about Walky are mostly things that are somehow to do with Dorothy? Iiinnntresting!

    1. DailyBrad

      It feels like a combo of her Dorothy crush and her trying to dismiss things she finds attractive about Walky, either in her case or in a more objective sense.

  35. kilgaen

    On the one hand, Lucy is clearly rationalising her crush. On the other hand, Joyce is starting to think Walky is not a sad dumpster fire.

  36. Amelie

    I’ve heard people who smell good to you have complimentary immune systems to yours. Your body wants to touch theirs a lot so their antibodies rub off on you, basically. Walky is a filth beast who’s had to develop a highly active immune system to keep himself alive so it could even make sense these girls are attracted to him. They are, I believe, all sort of lonely and inexperienced with intimacy. (Sleeping with Danny doesn’t count.) Could they all be only children? Well, raised apart from any siblings in Amber’s case. Cause it sure makes sense Joyce doesn’t need what he has.

    1. Zaxares

      It’s not necessarily the strength of your immune system. It’s what you first mentioned; how complimentary their immune system is to yours. Antibodies can’t be transferred from person to person, BUT any offspring of yours is likely to inherit a good combination of both your immune systems, making them much more resilient to diseases. How exactly pheromones play a role in this and how our bodies can pick up on these invisible signals when our conscious minds can’t is still something that needs further research, but it’s very fascinating to read about!

      1. Zaxares

        On a similarly related note, there have been studies showing that when strippers or other sex workers are ovulating, they receive much higher tips from male customers than coworkers who weren’t. This happens FAR too often and with enough frequency that it can’t be coincidence. Again, how exactly men can detect this, even unconsciously, is a mystery.

        1. Kinoko

          That’s fascinating and yet not at all surprising. Neat!

        2. Miri

          In fairness, my boobs can increase by at least one cup size (I literally had to buy a new bra on my way home from school once coz I was in severe discomfort) due to hormone levels?

          There is an El Goonish Shive comic I really want to link to here, with Justin picturing himself as a very busty woman and a thought along the lines of “Jiggling? That’s what straight guys like, right?” But I can’t easily find it…

        3. Tan

          I believe that this is the comic you are thinking of. It is not Justin, but Luke in a (misguided) attempt to seduce Justin. http://egscomics.com/comic/2014-10-14

        4. Miri

          Yes! Thank you! For some reason I thought it was a Justin-crushing-on-Elliot comic, and was hunting for it way back in Grace’s birthday party! Perhaps another reread is due…

  37. FacelessDeviant

    And yet, Walky managed to get with Dorothy while being nothing but Walky. No eau de Dorothy, no Dorothy design clothes.

    1. Miri

      Dorothy is the sort of person who likes “projects”/helping people, so from the outside seeing it as a fixer-upper situation may make sense? When in reality Walky offering her a break from serious, hard-working, future-focus was part of the appeal – he helped her relax.

      1. FacelessDeviant

        True, but there is also a physical attraction at play. A quite strong one, since she wanted to have “one last go” after breaking up, after the project was scrapped, so to speak.

        1. thejeff

          A physical attraction. And she likes his goofball style. And she really likes when he does step up and is serious.

  38. not someone else

    I… uh…

    Okay, I don’t generally do the whole “omg they vaguely like each other fuck know” thing with girls but there is no heterosexual explanation for this. In fact we are reaching levels of sublimated urges that I have only heard in the annals of deeply closeted lesbians whose concept of attraction was stuck on “any man I can stand to be around”.

    And, well, Joyce may be a self-insert, but she isn’t a 1:1 autobio. I mean, Willis isn’t a blonde 19-year-old cis girl. Maybe she’s tellin’ him something, I don’t know.

  39. C.T Phipps

    Do not Want on Lucy/Walky.

    At all.

    1. Kinoko

      Me neither. I hate one-sided crushes, and shipping one makes my skin crawl.
      If he shows any interest at all, then maybe it’s fair game, but until then, nope!

      1. Emily

        Even if he does I kinda think maybe Walky needs to take a breather from romance because his love life has been kinda a train wreck so far and maybe he should take a step back and recover from that instead of jumping into another rebound. Also, Lucy could do so much better and Walky needs to grow up.

        1. JBento

          It’s not a stellar record, true. It’s made even weirder by the fact that the trainwrecks are not his fault – Walky’s interpersonal fuck ups seem to be limited to dealings with Sal.

        2. GenJen

          But neither of the reasons for his two relationship problems had to do with being immature. Dotty wanted to put her studies 1st and Amber stabbed then stalked his sister. Both totally equal and completely understandable break up situations…

          Neither relationship seemed overly toxic and yeah, Walky’s a goofball, but dude has grown quite a bit since school began 4 months ago.

          I don’t think those two work well together, but I think the whole “She can do better” train is wrong in the sense that Walky is on some kind of lower “dateabillity ladder” rather than jus less compatible.

        3. BBCC

          4 months? It’s the middle of October in world.

        4. Bagge

          For a guy who’s entire romantic ambitions is somewhere in the ballpark of “eat a lot of nachos”, he sure seems to fall into a remarkable amount of relationship drama.

        5. the final pam

          Both of these relationships, but especially the one with Amber, were fairly short relationships though. True, the main conflict in either of them is less on Walky than the other party, but if either relationship were allowed to exist for a longer span of time, who’s to say how they would have shook out? What was once cute and quirky about Walky could easily turn obnoxious and tiresome. And given that Dorothy already showed signs of wanting to ‘fix’ Walky by buying him new clothes and making him work on his hygiene, it’s not unreasonable to think that they could easily develop a problem where she’s his girlfriend and his mom.

          Walky’s immaturity hasn’t had a significant impact on his relationships so far, but it’s still there. It’s still a large part of his personality and behavior. And it can and will surely come up in the future at some point. Even if it doesn’t, Walky still needs to grow up because leaving your laundry undone for weeks to the point where you start having zits grow on your nethers is disgusting and horrifying.

        6. thejeff

          Fairly short in real time I guess, but I think Dorothy/Walky is still the longest relationship we’ve seen in comic.
          Beyond that anything’s possible, but you can’t really blame him for problems you make up that didn’t actually happen. The reality is that the breakups weren’t his fault, weren’t caused by his immaturity and in fact he’s handled both of them pretty maturely. Especially with Dorothy, since we don’t know what’s going to happen with Amber yet.

        7. the final pam

          Where did I blame Walky or say his immaturity was a factor in his relationships ending? In fact, yeah, I think I acknowledged that the main conflict was more on Dorothy/Amber’s side than Walky’s. The only thing I presented was a scenario, my dude.

          Saying that Walky needs to grow up and become more mature is a general statement of his character arc and his character development, and those can in fact be separate from his romantic relationships, as there’s not yet been a correlation between his immaturity and a relationship ending. But, again, his immaturity did come up with Dorothy multiple times, even if it didn’t end up being a deciding factor in their relationship ending. Either way, Walky’s immaturity and need to grow up is most likely going to be a significant part of his character development, especially when his slipping grades becomes more relevant and as he continues to interact with more characters, who are less likely to find his behavior as quirky and charming as Dorothy.

        8. JBento

          I mean, if any relationship is allowed to exist for a long enough span of time, they all end because somebody wusses out and dies.

      2. Marsh Maryrose

        Walky wasn’t interested in Dorothy until suddenly he was, very much. He wasn’t interested in Amber until suddenly he was, very much. He seems to be Schrödinger-romantic.

        He’s not interested in Lucy now, but there’s nothing in his past that says he couldn’t suddenly become interested in her in the future.

        Anyway, I though the whole point of shipping was to speculate about pairings that are less likely, because they’re inherently more interesting than pairings that are more likely.

        1. thejeff

          Part of it. The other part is to seize wholeheartedly onto one side of a romantic triangle and viciously attack anyone shipping the other side.

  40. kitty

    so what does dorothy smell like then

    1. JessWitt

      Like a perfect cinnamon roll, ofc.

    2. BenRG

      She smells like the perfect cinnamon roll, according to Joyce’s contact list on her ‘phone! 😉

    3. Bagge

      Paradise.

    4. DailyBrad

      Gummi worms.

    5. JBento

      Enabling and control freaking

    6. FacelessDeviant

      Ambition

    7. ValdVin

      Skittles. Oh, wait.

      https://shortpacked.com/comic/skittles

    8. Roborat

      Walky.

      1. Bagge

        TOO SOON! *sobs*

      2. FacelessDeviant

        :O

        What if what Joyce thinks is Dorothys smell, actually is Walkys scent. Or a mix?

        Mind explosion!

  41. JessWitt

    The door decorations got me wondering if we’ll see these guys have a Halloween party or something similarly festive.

    1. BenRG

      Joyce being Joyce… Well, a Ghostbuster? Or a vampire-hunting nun? A bizarre team-up with Amazi-Girl to catch a terrifying Halloween-themed prankster?

      ((CARLA: “Yes, it was I all along!!!”))

      1. JBento

        Odds are Joyce isn’t allowed to Halloween because it promotes witchcraft or some nonsense.

        1. CJ

          It’s definitely pagan, so probably not.
          Or at least, it was pagan before it got marketed as an international event.

        2. Bicycle Bill

          You’re probably right — Joyce and her siblings would have been denied participating in the modern-day trappings of Hallowe’en (the costumes, the trick-or-treating, the parties) … but only because the truth of the matter is that Hallowe’en was originally a contraction of “All Hallows’ Eve” — the night before “All Hallows’ Day” (now observed by most Christian churches as “All Saints’ Day”) so I would assume that to a truly fundamental churchgoer it most definitely is/was not a pagan event but a time for prayer and reflection — not hell-raising and dressing out as witches, devils, naughty nurses, slutty traffic cops, and what-have-you. Now it may be true that this particular period (Oct 31/Nov 1) was selected so as to appropriate and disguise a pagan celebration (like Christmas did with Saturnalia) — but in that case the same claim could be made that “Burning Man” is based on witch-burning or the immolation of effigies on Guy Fawkes’ Day.

        3. Marsh Maryrose

          Given that Joyce is autobiographical, and Willis has posted pictures on Tumblr of his Halloween costumes as a child, I’m guessing Joyce herself probably hasn’t been Halloween-deprived.

          Certainly, there are some fundamentalists who do feel that way, the most influential being Jack T. Chick.

  42. Josh Spicer

    Not everything is about Dotty, Joyce. Please get off it.

  43. JMP

    Wouldn’t the most relevant deterrent for Lucy going after Walky be the fact that Walky’s into Amber?

    1. thejeff

      Well, he’s said that may be off due to circumstances, so it might not be a factor.

  44. Miri

    Is it wrong that I am now considering shipping Lucy and Amber? They both nerd, Lucy definitely likes fan art and Amber fan fic, and I think their differing flavours of socially awkward could be complimentary… And Lucy might be able to help Amber be kinder to herself. And i can see Amber helping Lucy learn to both assert herself and give zero fox about people who are too ridiculous to worry about (i.e. Nash and co).

    We have no indication either of them is into girls though… But other than that they could totally work!

    1. Miri

      And e.g. we didn’t know Danny was bi until he met Ethan and realised it. We have no evidence they *are’t* open to the idea either!

    2. BenRG

      As a rule, I try to only ship characters that have met and had significant interaction.

      1. Miri

        I mean, it’s a sensible rule! And honestly I would like to see Walky and Amber go *somewhere* more/first – but if they meet and have chemistry, and Amber and Walky is off the table, I may squee ?

  45. JBento

    That “he cleans up okay” is just weird. What’s next?

    “He’s a cannibal.”
    “So he likes to try out new foods.”
    “He’s a mass murderer.”
    “A highly motivated achiever, you say?”
    “He’s a Leafs fan”
    “He roots for the underdog.”

    1. Emily

      Like yes Lucy if you want to be his surrogate mom then sure you can get him to dress like an adult but that’s hardly the basis for a healthy relationship.

    2. Bicycle Bill

      “Cleans up OK” is just another way of saying “he can dress well and act appropriately if he wants to”.

      1. JBento

        I know what it means: it’s a “I can fix him”.

  46. fire_daws

    I wouldn’t mind a Lucy/Walky ship but it’s badly timed while the Amber/Walky ship is still to be concluded.

    1. ValdVin

      Your words say “I wouldn’t mind” but your avatar says “I ship everything!”

      (I also don’t want Lucy/Walky until Amber/Walky is sussed out.)

      1. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

        i wonder whether Walky would accept if Lucy asked him out.

  47. Madock345

    Funny to me how many people in the comments have as hard a time seeing Wakky attractive as Joyce does. Dude is hot, witty, and geeky. I’d be all over that in an instant.

  48. Borg

    Every time she says something like that, I believe a little less that Joyce’s crush on Dorothy is purely platonic.

    1. abysswatcher1993

      I have been a year reading this comics, and I noticed too.

  49. abysswatcher1993

    Joyce only judges Walky superficially because in this universe they spent too little time together, just like she and Danny had only one interaction in this universe. Only when we spent too much time with one person is that we can determine if they are good friends or awful people.

  50. Felian

    One does not simply
    SMELL someone one doesn’t have a crush on.

    (ok that’s actually not true, frequent close physical contact also does this, i can often tell who a piece of clothing belongs to at kindergarten by smelling it)

    1. thejeff

      Depends how strongly they smell. There’s some people I’ve smelled from 10 paces.

      1. Felian

        Ok yes, also that.
        But especially when it’s pleasant scents, i usually don’t remember a scent unless i find the person attractive.
        Or, i guess, i find them attractive because they smell good.

  51. Bicycle Bill

    It’s not the Taco Bell … it’s the McNuggets and the barbecue sauce he dips them in.

  52. Nikol Geier

    Willis we’re at the point now where if Dorothy isn’t at least demisexual or biromantic we’re burning down the theaterhouse.

    1. JBento

      Start lighting those torches, then, because according to Dorothy herself that’s what you’re doing:

      http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-5/03-the-butterflies-fly-away/kinsey/

  53. Charlotte

    I love Lucy, but not when she’s fawning over Walky of all people!
    (Walky is not a terrible person at all or anything, but also nothing to fawn over imo. He’s an immature slob who could use some help growing up, probably without romantic involvement.)

    1. JBento

      To be fair, if you’re a dudette wanting to date a dude in this comic, you don’t really have abundant choices. Lucy could date Danny, I guess?

      1. BBCC

        Or some minor character, yeah.

      2. Charlotte

        I guess I was assuming that IU has a bunch of other freshman guys that are normal who we don’t get to see in the strip…

    2. DailyBrad

      The cast has like, 3 mature characters. There aren’t enough to go around.

  54. steelbright

    When somebody else is overly optimistic, Joyce is forced to be…her own devil’s advocate

  55. PB

    I don’t know whose door has jack-o’-lanterns on it but I approve.

  56. Emperor Norton II

    Sooo… Joyce wants to smell more of that perfect autumn blossom, it appears.

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