259

Old-fashioned
Posted on March 16, 2014 by David M Willis

259 thoughts on “Old-fashioned”

  1. AHR

    Nice cover up, there, Blaine.

    1. Doctor_Who

      “I wasn’t beat up by a girl! It was ninjas! Lots of ninjas! And I think Chuck Norris was leading them! Even then I would have won, but Mr. T sucker punched me from behind!”

      1. T Campbell

        Blaine, such a pathetic excuse for a human being that his suffering can STILL be a source of undiluted joy, even when he’s not in the room and just being casually mentioned by two people who have no idea who he is.

        1. shietka

          HA! Yes! So much this!

        2. Speedball

          Nail on the head there, T.

        3. Ancestral Hamster

          The word for the day is “schadenfreude”. Can you say that, boys and girls?

          http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/schadenfreude

        4. David

          Wie denn wohl nicht?

        5. Drunken Nordmann

          Scheinbar bin ich nicht der einzige hier. 🙂

        6. vlademir1

          Vielicht nicht, aber mein deutsch ist viel schlecht.

        7. Drunken Nordmann

          Well, as they say in Germany: “Deutsche Sprache, schwere Sprache.”

        8. Tenn

          Like straight A students getting Bs?

        9. TheKelliestKelly

          Or exes getting STDs?

        10. Durgrumm

          Watching tourists reading maps?

        11. vonnegut

          I think Dumbing of Age comment people are the best comment people on the internet.

        12. Raynebough

          Waking doormen from their naps!

        13. BlueRam

          Football players getting tackled!

        14. Regalli

          CEOs, getting shackled!

        15. Bill

          Watching actors never reach
          The ending of their Oscar speech!

        16. Noel Schornhorst

          Schadenfruede! The world needs people like you and me who’ve been knocked around by fate!

        17. The Magus

          ‘Cause when people see us they don’t want to be us, and that makes them feel great~!

        18. EmpressTohru

          Scoodin Froody?

        19. Rutee

          LikedWould like.

      2. Yotomoe

        I was jumped by 18 gorillas made of titanium. The had rocket powered fists and Machine gun fingers.

        1. Badeyes

          It just felt like titanium, er and that other stuff. Tried to tell you not to go to Gagibuzzo.

      3. Count Dracula

        “I’m gonna be honest with ya, officer; I had ‘im on the ropes until he whipped out the laser eyes.”

    2. Aizat

      He’s like Flass from Batman Year One, can’t really say that he got his ass kicked by one person.

      1. Andiemus

        … but he’ll know. He’ll know and he’ll keep quiet.

        1. Shinkui

          Izanagi-no-Ookami?
          What are you doing chatting with mortals?

    3. narmenduke

      If you’ve gotta invent somebody to beat you up to preserve your masculinity or whatever, wouldn’t you save more face by not reporting the crime at all? Seriously, this dude is the worst (reluctant to say what I actually feel about Blaine, because I’m not sure about Willis’s rules on profanity, but rest assured that it is vulgar).

      1. Kevin

        So witnesses report to police that this guy got beat up, the cops get there, he’s beat to shit, and he says “nope nothing happened”?

        1. narmenduke

          Ah. I forgot about the witness, who probably was the one who did the reporting. Never mind.

        2. Carlos

          Darn, too slow it would appear. I congratulate you as well.

        3. Charlie Spencer

          “I ran into the door, dammit!”

          “But sir, you’re outside.”

      2. Carlos

        He probably wasn’t going to but there were witnesses who most likely tried to help him, called 911, etc. Also, I share your sentiment and comend you on your presentation. Bravo

  2. Vivvav

    Daisy’s a chubby chaser?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Does Amber count as a chubby or does she simply creates ‘chubbys’?

      1. Keroshino

        Well, apparently she does for Daisy!

      2. Dr. Zeus

        Chubby? No.
        She’s wonderfully curvaceous, though not very loquacious, and with a reasonable basis she goes to punch faces.

        1. ChaoticCandy

          That was the sexiest sentence I have ever read.

        2. Cephalo the Pod

          Dr. Ze-us Dr. Ze-us! Doc-tor Ze-us!
          Dr. Ze-us Dr. Ze-us! Doc-tor Ze-us!

        3. John

          Dr. Ze-us Help me… To get down!

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUkYHcK3FfY

        4. Lord Circe

          …………………….,,–~–,,
          …………………../:.:.:.:.:.|
          ………………….|;.;.;.;.;.;/
          …………._,,,,,,_.);.;.;.;.;.|
          ………,-“:.:.:.:.:.”~-,;.;.;.;|
          ……..(_,,,,—,,_:.:.:);.;.;..”,
          ……,-“:.:.:.:.:.:.””-,/;.;.;.;.”,
          …..(:.__,,,,,,,,,,,____);.;.;.;.;|
          …../””:.:.:.:.:.:.:.-“”\;.;.;.;.,”
          ….\:,___,,,,,,,,,,,____/;;;;;;;;/
          …..\.::.:.:.:.:.:.:.;..);;;;;;;/
          …….\,,,,—~~~~~~~;;;;;;;;,”
          ……….”””~~~–,,,,,,,,,,-”
          …………….GOOD JOB!

      3. Yotomoe

        I would need to see her more naked. If anything she is at least at that line where you’re JUST chubby enough that you can fake it with well fitting clothes.

    2. Doctor_Who

      As a lesbian, I doubt she’s very interested in chubbies.

      1. tinfoil theory

        Daisy may have a different taste in women than you, though.

        (Also, safe search was on.)

        1. Doctor_Who

          I meant chubbies as in the slang term for boners. Most lesbians aren’t that into boners.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          How can this be?! 😛

        3. tinfoil theory

          My apologies. I was not familiar with that term. Excellent pun.

        4. JepMZ

          you barbarian savage! *drops monocle*

        5. lightsabermario

          Unless they’re the synthetic kind.

    3. Aizat

      Amber ain’t chubby. Cartman is chubby…Amber, I call her filled.

      1. brionl

        Word for the day: zaftig.

        1. Aizat

          What does that mean?

        2. LiaHansen

          “zaf·tig, adjective

          of a woman : slightly fat in an attractive way : having a full, rounded figure”

        3. Bill

          Otherwise known as “Rubenesque”
          — after the works of Baroque painter Peter Paul Rubens.

        4. Opus the Poet

          Not to be confused with Paul Ruebens AKA Pee Wee Herman.That would be “zany”.

        5. Totz the Plaid

          Sexily curvy/chubby.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          zaftig /ˈzaftɪg/

          adjective
          N. Amer.informal

          adjective: zaftig; adjective: zoftig

          1. (of a woman) having a full, rounded figure; plump.

          “a zaftig brunette”

        7. Barf Ninjason

          A zaftig callipgyean brunette, in this particular case.

        8. tinfoil theory

          “Saftig” means “juicy” in German.

        9. MindLink

          In Norwegian too, it’s probably the same word I guess. i.e. : A plumpy pear, a zaftig pear, a plump Amber, a juicy Amber ?

      2. Yotomoe

        Clearly you don’t understand. Cartman is FAT. Amber is chubby.

        1. Opus the Poet

          No, Cartman is “big-boned” and “under-tall”.

    4. LiaHansen

      I think liking amazi-girl qualifies you more as an “awesome chaser”. Or maybe a “human”.

      1. Doctor_Who

        Amazon Chaser.

        Which is kinda close to Amazi-Chaser, now that I think about it.

        1. Aizat

          Well, we can safely say that Amber is part Amazon.

        2. HMRC4EVR

          Well, she is free to ship in most cases (with other DoA cast members)

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          While Billie is more of a beer chaser.

        4. Opus the Poet

          Would that make Ruth the whiskey if Billie is the beer chaser?

    5. John

      I’ve said it before, but… based on the things we’ve seen her do, I’m pretty sure the only soft part of Amber is the Amazi-Rack. She’s probably actually heavier than she looks, because muscle is denser than fat, but there’s a big difference between “chubby” and “strong, stacked, and built on a short and wide-hipped frame”.

      1. Dakhran

        “She’s a brick…house! Mighty might, just lettin it all hang out!”

    6. nothri

      “Nonsense! I don’t chase chubbies. I have people to do that for me! Dorothy! Billie! Chop chop!”

    7. vlademir1

      Considering how baddly misapplied the terms “chubby” and “BBW” oft seem to be (ie 95% of women that don’t share Dina’s bodytype), I’d guess so.

  3. March

    Awkward moment. Let’s all walk away now, Dorothy. This is how adults respond to finding one another’s porn. We walk away, and pretend it never happened.

    1. Doctor_Who

      While mentally filing away the URL for future perusal.

    2. Aizat

      And some nice application of brain bleach when you found out that there are porns based on your childhood stuff…and things you wouldn’t believe that there are porn off.

      1. David

        Thank deity then that my childhood stuff did not include Teletubbies. Sesame Street porn is bad enough.

        1. Aizat

          Yeah…I’m still trying to wrap my head around a Getter Robo doujin…or a Doraemon doujin.

    3. Rex Hondo

      Except for in the alternate universe where this takes place at Brigham Young University, where Dorothy can’t just “leave a wounded comrade on the battlefield.”

      1. The Candyman

        Does that lead to sexy times? I’m unversed in euphemisms.

        1. Rex Hondo

          It most certainly does not. Google “Mormon masturbation video” if you want to see the video that made the rounds a couple months ago that likens porn and masturbation to being wounded on the spiritual battlefield and that a good soldier doesn’t leave a wounded man behind. It really walks a bizarre line between hilarious and creepy.

        2. Rutee

          No, I don’t believe I will be googling this video, good sir.

        3. Leorale

          There’s no porn in the video; it’s an anti-porn commercial.

        4. Leorale

          It tells you that, if you catch your buddy masturbating, he is like a wounded soldier and you can’t just leave him on the battlefield. You should heroically tell on him.

        5. Drunken Nordmann

          That’s not really the logical conlusion to that analogy, isn’t it?

        6. shadowcell

          see, when i read that, i thought it meant “you should heroically sit down and fap with him”

          and i was all “i can respect that”

          then i remembered it’s from the magic underwear people so, well, yeah, i like my version better

        7. John

          No, then you’re both wounded. Clearly what you should do is make sure he doesn’t have to fap, by giving him some actual sex.

        8. Rutee

          Yes, I followed the meaning. That makes it WORSE, not BETTER.

    4. Yotomoe

      Is that what we adults do? I just kinda say “Um..yeah!!Let’s look at this shit together, man!”

      1. March

        Adults you’re not particularly close to, or who are your superior.

        1. Yotomoe

          It’s always important to have a good relationship with your superiors.

        2. Cybersnark

          Rule of Acquisition #112
          Never have sex with the boss’ sister.

          Rule of Acquisition #113
          Always have sex with the boss.

    5. Barf Ninjason

      I’ll never forget my teacher who said, “the polite, adult thing to do when someone farts is to just ignore it.” Actually, I have forgotten her in that I can’t remember specifically which teacher it was, BUT I remember the lesson in politeness and discretion and such. Also, I apologize if this comparison makes anyone think of the unfortunate conjunction of tarts and porn.

      1. Barf Ninjason

        Uh, I meant “farts and porn.” The conjunction of “tarts and porn” is pretty much a given, I suppose.

        1. Tenn

          Well, if you can use a pie, you can use a tart, I guess. ;P

      2. sarahlost36

        and suddenly a new genre of food porn is born… you made me rofl

        1. That Damn Rat

          New? oh you poor naive fool.

  4. Dr. Zeus

    No no no, that’s NUDE-fashioned sleuthing.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      LIKED!

    2. TrueVCU

      DAMMIT I WAS JUST ABOUT TO POST THAT.

      But I must bow to your greater efficiency

    3. nothri

      Wouldn’t that imply that Daisy and/or Dorothy would have to be naked whilst investigating the Amazigirl story?

  5. Cattleprod

    That seems reasonable, nude means no costume.

    1. Aizat

      And most superhero costume are tight enough that it feels like they are wearing nothing at all.

      1. Ryan

        nothing at all

        nothing at all

        nothing at all

        nothing at all

        1. Keroshino

          Stupid sexy Amazi-Girl!

      2. timemonkey

        …nothing at all…nothing at all

  6. Ahighfunctioningsociopath

    She wants amazagirl dropped in her lap, ya know what I’m saying?
    Seriously, can someone explain it to me?

    1. Doctor_Who

      Well you see, when a girl and a superheroine love each other very much…

      1. Yotomoe

        Bed manufacturers make major bank.

        1. Tenn

          “Woman of steel, bed of Kleenex.”

        2. Rutee

          I’m trying hard, and I’m just not seeing how two women going at it are going to actually wreck a bed unless they’re both superpowered, and explicitly trying to at that.

          Well, physically destroy it, anyway.

        3. nothri

          SPOILERS: Joke comes from the Shortpacked verse. Lots of people were abducted by aliens in that series (lead by the Head Alien, who has been reimagined in this universe as the cartoon character Dexter that Joyce and Walky are such fans of). The aliens implanted them with all kinds of strange abilities, including super strength and superhuman endurance.

          BIGGER SPOILERS:Joyce and Walky got together towards the end of the original Itswalky series, which inspired the motel guy they got the room from to despair that this was a “man of steel, woman of steel, bed of kleenex” situation.

          NO SPOILERS: As for the whole “would the bed be in danger” bit, I can certainly see it. Sex does involve a lot of…ahem…back and forth motions, some quite enthusiastic and dramatic, the best ones quite convulsive and uncontrolled. If we’re imagining folks normally capable of busting through brick walls and throwing cars around like beach balls then such motions could easily become like mini earthquakes/meteor bombardments to your poor furniture.

  7. David Herbert

    “There was totally a big dude, like ten feet tall and a body like Donkey Kong. He must have unlocked the Cheat in Goldeneye.”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Unfortunately for him, his opponent was Oddjob.

      1. Aizat

        Or Random Task. You don’t mess with Korean wrestlers.

        1. Keroshino

          Especially when they got a mean “shoe-throwing” arm!

        2. Aizat

          Who throws a shoe? Honestly?

        3. Rex Hondo

          American Maid.

        4. Aizat

          Never thought I see the day someone pulling out a reference to The Tick.

        5. Kryss LaBryn

          Spoon?

        6. Rex Hondo

          Then you’ve seriously misread the age and/or mentality of most of the readership here. 😉

        7. John

          Eh, it’s not like he referenced Man-Eating Cow or someone.

        8. vlademir1

          Why not? The Tick had at least some mainstream popularity for a time. Personally, I’d be mildly surprised if I’d seen a ref to Orgasm Lass and Foreplay at some point on here (XXXenophile isn’t exactly mainstream recognized after all).

        9. Roborat

          You don’t know the audience here very well then.

        10. MeHael

          Not in the face!

        11. JustCheetoDust

          Or Random Task. You don’t mess with Korean wrestlers.

          Was Random Task a Korean wrestler? I know that the actor Joe Son was not. The closest he was to that was having a mixed martial arts career that lasted four fights, and that only happened because he managed a known MMA fighter and somehow parlayed that fact into a couple of fights of his own.) He did appear in a Japanese pro wrestling card back in 2003; I’d avoid it unless you want to see a 5’4, 240 pound guy wrestle in a leopard-print thong.

          As for his MMA career: his first fight in 1994 ended with the opponent showing no respect for Joe’s half-assed attempt at choking him and punching Joe in the balls a dozen times to make him let go. When Joe did let go the guy grabbed him by the throat and strangled him until he submitted. Not that Joe had much of a chance in that fight in the first place since his fight entrance consisted of him carrying a wooden cross to the cage.

          He took a kickboxing match in Japan and got his ass kicked there.

          An MMA match in Japan ended prematurely when he injured his elbow after getting slammed to the ground.

          Later he took a fight in LA and lost when he quit after getting slapped in the face. Supposedly he was high at the time of the fight. There is a fascinating personal account of that match. Even if that should be taken with a grain of salt, none of the other rumors deviate much from this story.

          He lost his last fight (he never won, come to think of it) when he injured his shoulder after getting thrown to the ground. He didn’t seem to have much luck getting ragdolled by guys who can actually wrestle.

          After flaming out in combat sports he was arrested for a decades old kidnapping and gang rape case that resulted in seventeen counts of sexual assault and a life sentence without parole. A few years ago he killed his pedophile cellmate.

    2. narmenduke

      “Then he should have been perfectly easy to shoot in the head, citizen. Or even to karate chop, if you were for some reason not armed to the teeth. Ten years in solitary for wasting my time!”

      1. Aizat

        And he shoots fireball from his eyes and lightning bolt from his ass. And he can cleave rocks in half….by staring at it.

      2. Yotomoe

        Assuming he was using Goldeneye cheats you could have even shot him in the gun. His hitbox was ENORMOUS.

  8. narmenduke

    Oh…oh dear. This won’t end well.

  9. Aizat

    Yes…look at her “move”, Daisy.

  10. Jay Eff

    Psst – Daisy!
    I know a place where you can find Dorothy nude…

    1. Yotomoe

      Dorothy doesn’t have an amazi-rack or an amazi-ass. Just Dorthotits and Dorthobutt. Much less appealing.

      1. timemonkey

        Wait. Waitwaitwait. Dorothy is less appealing than Amber? In any way?

        1. Yotomoe

          She doesn’t have the mmmmmphhh. or the BAZOW. She’s just got the PEW and the BWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

        2. Rex Hondo

          Not to mention the WUBWUB, and the Daaaaaamn.

        3. Manly Bowler

          New life goal: Compliment a woman for having great WUBWUB without being beaten to death.

        4. Jack Finch

          Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?

  11. Mr. Random

    I get the impression that this woman is horny.

    1. Aizat

      I don’t see any horns.

      1. Cephalo the Pod

        Her skeleton is covered in bony spikes.
        It’s actually pretty fuckin’ metal.

        1. Rutee

          God dammit. Now I’m thinking of my Sawako/Deathklok crossover that ends with Mugi outhardcoring them all.

      2. Kintrex

        She’s got as many horns as Moses.

    2. Historyman68

      She doesn’t look anything like Moses!

  12. JessWitt

    So I guess that makes Daisy a Private Investigator?

    1. Aizat

      Don’t you mean a Privates Investigator?

    2. Yotomoe

      She just wants to catch Amazi-girl Red Handed.

  13. Super Duper

    Pretty sure Leslie is free.
    Wait.
    I just realized
    Leslie
    Lesbian

    I am a fucking moron.

    1. Aizat

      Hey, don’t worry. Some of us don’t get puns too.

    2. Doctor_Who

      I don’t know about this universe, but in the other one her name is actually Leslie Bean.

    3. threngrey

      Made even more obvious when you remember Leslie’s surname is “Bean.”

      1. AgentKeen

        I’m guessing she gets pretty insistent about people not calling her ‘Les’, cause then she’d be Les Bean, and that’s just too close.

    4. teddydragon

      And you people get on Danny’s case for not noticing Amazi-girl’s identity…

      1. Rutee

        In my defense, I didn’t know people missed “Leslie Bean”.

  14. Kernanator

    Surely you can’t believe such rumors. Next you hear this story, he’ll have been assaulted by 30 men and a dog.

    1. Aizat

      And the dog has a human face…and rabies.

    2. WingedBeast

      I respect a good Discworld reference.

  15. Pyr05

    Admit it, we all have. For nearly everyone in DOA

    1. Aizat

      Nearly?

    2. Yotomoe

      Naw. I’ve found it but I always stumbled upon it by accident.

  16. arank11

    I want to take a quick poll. Judging by the last few strips’ comment sections, Danny seems to be the least liked character. I want to see who’s the MOST liked.
    Who is your favorite DoA character? Mine is Daisy

    1. Keroshino

      I’m pretty sure Danny’s popularity has gone up since spitting on Blaine
      …Billie on the other hand has had her popularity gone down because of her lying to Ruth!

    2. timemonkey

      The most popular is Dina. We’ve had several polls to prove it.

      Most hated is likely Mary, for characters who appear somewhat regularily and Blaine for guest appearances (closely followed by nearly every other parent)

    3. teddydragon

      Dina! She’s depressingly relatable AND cute!

  17. Aizat

    You know, I swear I see drool on Daisy’s lips on panel 2….could be just me though.

    1. Keroshino

      Oh! I’m sure she is.

      thats why she is biting her lip…to hold back the flood!

  18. Alex Stritar

    Right now, the comment count is at 69. So perfect, almost wish it could always be that number.

  19. Yotomoe

    “Daisy, stop poking me with your huge ladyboner, mmk?”

    1. timemonkey

      The comments have been very ladyboner heavy these last couple weeks.

  20. Sensedog

    Rule 34. No exceptions.

  21. Kerry

    unrelated: Jocelyne is on the hottest lady poll! ヽ(；▽；)ノ

    1. timemonkey

      I almost picked her, until I realised I was judging her based on how she looked as a man and not as a woman.

      1. Viktoria

        That’s what I don’t get. She’s doing decently in the poll, even beating out Joyce, and we’ve only ever seen her when she’s passing as a guy. Jocelyne does need to be included in the poll, but I’m not sure what the basis is for voting for her at this point.

        1. Rutee

          Personality/support?

        2. Valdrax

          Preference for male physiology / discomfort in thinking of the hotness of female physiology?

        3. Kerry

          She might not actually be that feminine. Really, all you need to be trans is to identify as a different gender. She might not even be dysphoric.

        4. JepMZ

          true… maybe the poll is a hint that she’ll be seen in the comic again and we’ll find out for sure

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      But isn’t Jocelyne F2M?

      1. caesaria82

        Nope.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          My bad, I should have remembered her as an M2F.

        2. caesaria82

          Could you imagine tho. Plot twist, the Browns: surprisingly chill with
          trans* people.

      2. Nightsbridge

        Considering the name she chose for herself was ‘Jocelyne’ and she wears male clothing around her fundamentalist christian family . . . I doubt it.

    3. Keroshino

      Oh That’s cool…but Billie is winning!

      WTF people, clearly Sal is Hotter!!!

      1. John

        Sal gets an automatic two-point deduction because of that cigarette she’s always got sticking out of her mug.

        1. Rex Hondo

          Only two?

        2. John

          On a ten-point scale, that’s a lot!

      2. Keroshino

        That’s better! 🙂

    4. shietka

      I noticed that too! That was very sweet of you Willis!

  22. Shade

    Daisy is basically this universe’s J. Jonah Jameson at this point, but with a sexual fixation on the superhero.

    Then again… can’t rule it out for John either.

    1. Jay Eff

      Does that mean she’s gonna start flying around in an obsolete Iron Man suit like J.J.J has been recently in Spidey’s newspaper strip?

      1. Shade

        We can only hope.

      2. nothri

        I think the pertinent question in any case is that if Daisy does do this, will she have a chest window?

    2. Rutee

      JJJ’s religion is “Hates Spiderman” though, so it’s not a perfect fit.

      …Still doesn’t rule out a sexual fixation for JJJ, ofc.

  23. Sabre

    I am leaving my first comment for the sake of stating that I just voted and Billie was on top with 69%. Perfection.

    1. Bill

      “Billy was on top with 69%”.

      No.  Absolutely not.  There is no way you could have innocently composed that sentence and not picked up on the double entendre before posting it.

      1. John

        I’m pretty sure the double entendre was the point of the comment.

  24. caesaria82

    Is Daisy amazonian tall or is Dorothy just super short? Or both?

    1. Bilfred

      It’s a comic strip, that means the difference between character’s hight is allowed to be over 2 feet.

    2. John

      Dorothy’s the same height as Amber, who claims to be 5’5″ with her Amazi-Girl boots on… so probably really 5’4″, which is average female height. Tall Daisy is tall.

      1. vlademir1

        If we presume Amber and Dorothy are both 5’4″, I’d estimate Daisy is just under 6′. Which, if the standard deviation statistic I could find is accurate, puts her just beyond the +2σ part of the curve. So yeah, tall is apt but Amazonian is probably a bit off. I’d say “Amazonian” belongs to that tail created by the positive skew of female heights, so about 6’3″ and above.

        1. David Willis

          Amber is shorter than Dorothy. Dorothy’s probably closer to 5’5″, while Amber’s closer to about 5’3″. Dina’s the shortest in the cast, being even shorter than that. I say “about” because I don’t really have set heights, I just know how tall or short folks are in relation to each other. I know Walky and Billie are my height (5’7″) and that’s about it — I gotta work out from there. Also I like to exaggerate height differences in my art to make things more visually interesting, so don’t go try measuring heights or nothin’ based on the art. There probably aren’t a literal two inches in height difference if you go comparing art of Walky and Dorothy.

        2. John

          Hmm. I didn’t actually go back and check, and was remembering Dorothy and Amber in the last panel of this strip as closer to being palette swaps than they actually are.

  25. Barf Ninjason

    Man, if there’s anything sexier than embarrassed lesbians, I don’t wanna kn……

    Man, if there’s anything sexier than embarrassed lesbians, I wanna subscribe to its newsletter.

  26. Sporky

    I chose Dorothy, Billie and Amber…

    I guess my type is pretty obvious huh

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      You’re into the curvy meganekko types right?

      1. nothri

        Newsies and the stories they chase?

    2. Kernanator

      Same, except I chose Ruth instead of Dorothy.

  27. Bilfred

    Looks like two people are hopelessly aroused in this strip right now.

  28. Kyle

    Oh god. Blaine is going to send some innocent black man to jail, isn’t he?

    It’s the only thing that could make me hate him more.

    1. a4lbi

      That would be something he’d do, wouldn’t it?! >:(

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        Uh oh… Jacob? Sure hope he’s got a rock-solid alibi… 🙁

    2. teddydragon

      oh god no

    3. Rutee

      He could find many ways to make me hate him, but getting black dudes pulled over for matching the description of ‘large male’ is certainly one of them.

  29. newllend

    Uh….ya, “accidentally.”

  30. |Agent

    Daisy is hornier than a billy-goat, I swear.

    1. Sageress

      Or just Billie

      1. John

        If she weren’t, this scene might have ended differently.

  31. Idon'tcarenomore

    Informative script.
    1. Blain is, unfortunately, alive.

    2. There were witness who saw 2 figures, one with a cape, at scene.

    3. Daisy is not stupid, juxtaposition of Amazi-girl on the brain, along with this report and hey there, ‘lets connect the two events’. AG and beating.

    4. Kids on campus reading the paper already commenting on how the photo of Amazi-girl is so ‘familiar’, and she’s been pinpointed to her dorm by more than one student who saw her ‘fly’ out the window.

    5. The first time Danny does something for someone-he gets burned. Or, he will get burned when the shit hits the fan.

    Things getting interesting again with that line. If by chance, Dorothy connects Amazi-girl with the beating, and traces a description of boy with her….and if Blaine does i.d. Danny….not a good ending for either of them maybe.

    1. Nightsbridge

      I think most of what you say is viable, but I don’t believe Blaine will allow anyone to believe that he was beaten up by someone smaller than him, be that Amazigirl or Danny.

    2. Valdrax

      “1. Blain is, unfortunately, alive.”

      Was this really in doubt? If Amber was a murderer, things would have been handled a bit differently.

    3. Kerry

      I am really freaking glad Blaine is alive. Amber’s character would be ruined for me if she became a murderer. I mean, jeez, I have a hard enough time reconciling my love for her with the beating on its own. Plus, y’know, her life would be ruined.

    4. nothri

      Danny does have an iron clad alibi. He’s Danny.

      “So what you are saying, Mr. Blaine, is that this kid over here is the one who beat you to within an inch of your life? Mr. Blaine, have you seen this kid? I don’t think he could take on a Basset Hound in a fight let alone a guy twice his height and body weight.”

      Okay, okay, I kid. But if Blaine tries accusing Danny he’s gonna have a lot more questions to answer and his story is gonna completely unravel. I know I was thinking the cops might be on his side in the aftermath if he played his cards right…but that would require him being a tad more clever with his lies than this. Now he has as much to lose if the truth comes out as Danny or Amber. Hell, his story says that some J-random dude decided to attack him for no reason and did not steal his car or anything on his person. At the very least that won’t sound right to the cops, and the fact that his story doesn’t match up with other witnesses? Yeah, that’s gonna look bad. Gonna look worse when they learn he isn’t from this town and was banned from visiting the campus two days ago yet is still skulking around.

  32. momomelon

    I know this is kind of unrelated. but Its kind of been bugging me-
    in shortpacked, Robin pretend to be homosexual for a time, and then turns around and tries to force herself to become sexually attracted to Leslie. she does! and everything works out in the end.
    however-
    in dumbing of age Ethan pretends to be straight for a while, and then turns around and is trying to force himself to become sexually attracted to women. he gets massive criticism and everyone is predicting doom.
    is this a double standard? or is there a piece I’m missing??

    1. 3oranges

      Shortpacked! Robin is trying something new, for stupid reasons at first, but in the end because she genuinely cares for Leslie and wants to be able to fully reciprocate her love.

      Dumbing of Age Ethan is trying something he already rejected. It’s not really for love: he genuinely cares for Amber, and knowing he can’t reciprocate her love is why he left her. It seems more about not wanting to be the person he is.

      I think that’s the piece you’re missing: one is about changing for someone else, and one is all about denying what they want.

      1. momomelon

        I guess that’s true- robin was in love with Leslie, but Ethan wasn’t in love with amber as more then a friend.
        so when Robin knowing (saying?) she is straight still tries to changer her sexuality a little because she loves her. ethan is only doing it to make his life easier.

    2. Rutee

      double standards imply similar circumstances. You can begin by examining the assumption that Robin is straight, rather than bi.

      1. momomelon

        at one point she does say, “I’m straight, with one exception” which is why I assumed she wasn’t bi.

        1. espanolbot

          No, that’s pretty much the definition of bi, even if it’s straight-leaning.

          Like my gf is bi, yet I’m a bloke, see?

        2. Heavensrun

          Well, not really. The thing with labels like bi, straight, or gay, are that they matter the most to the person using them. So if somebody considers themselves straight with an exception, it’s kinda dickish to refer to them as bi, because they don’t identify that way.

    3. David Willis

      man which alternate universe’s version of shortpacked! did you read

      1. momomelon

        ? did I get it wrong?
        she pretends to be bi to trick Ethan… and for a while when they lived together they didn’t even have the beds pushed together because robin was against it. because she loved Leslie, she pushed her boundaries to try and become what Leslie needed-which was someone who WOULD push the beds together. that is, someone who was sexually attracted to her.
        that was the vibe I was getting- unless I missed something. I could have forgotten some strip where robin goes, oh hey, I’ve been wanting that leslie’s female on my female the whole time!
        which would almost not surprise me coming from robin.

      2. momomelon

        wait a minute.
        is robin bi?
        like the whole TIME??
        and just too nervous to try it at first?
        but wouldn’t she REALIZE it after making out with a girl like, twice?
        but maybe she didn’t??? because she’s convinced herself she’s straight? and even to the end she SAYS she’s straight with one exception because she just can’t even admit it to herself she’s actually bi??
        and when Leslie asked who her first girl crush was she thought of amber because she’s actually is BI and not just because she wants to open up to amber in a way that she never could with her sisters??
        have I been doing the exact same thing in refusing to realize the fact that Robin is bisexual?
        !!!

        1. Kerry

          Robin’s liked other girls before, Amber being one of them. There was also the time she was super into genderbent Joyce, and Willis has said before there was more to it than just being attracted to her male form.

      3. momomelon

        ROBINS BI!

        okay, okay. okay. everybody already knew that.
        ROBINS BI.
        kjfakefjewfiunkjgjrfeuijfmsjkdnfkiearfnd
        fdnfejfieufn why did I not see that what the heck kdlgajfjaefi

        I mean. part of me was always like wha?
        but then I would be like, its robin so it doesn’t HAVE to make sense right?

        1. John

          She’s currently self-identifying as “generally kinda undefinably queer”, which I think translates to something like “bisexual, generally heteroromantic, but nevertheless in a committed relationship with a lesbian woman”.

        2. John

          (Malaya in that strip continues to crack me up, btw.)

      4. moby

        Be nice to your confused readers!

    4. timemonkey

      Robin pretended to be homosexual to get Ethan’s attention. This was dropped a few strips later after Ethan broke the truth to Leslie. A couple years later Robin realised she was kind of into Leslie so a romantic relationship was possible.

      It was even acknowledged that Robin had always had a thing for girls: first Joyce, then Amber and definitely Leslie.

  33. Rutee

    Billie and Sal lead the hottest lady vote. This is my surprise face.

    …and I contributed. I’m not too sure on Billie admittedly but I have fangirled over Sal since basically the start.

  34. Tom Speelman

    literally JUST realized this means Blaine. Uh oh.

  35. Crumplepunch

    I get it!

  36. moby

    Daisy seems to always be havin’ a boner.

  37. C.

    Was Blaine being nice to his daughter by lying on the police report?

    1. John

      I think he just didn’t want to admit that a girl beat the shit out of him.

      1. teddydragon

        John…I gotta admit that’s the only thing I ever thought, C’s idea didn’t even cross my mind.

        1. Kathleen

          yeah I doubt Blaine is trying to do Amber any favors at this point. He didn’t want to pay for her college anyway, and this would be as good a reason as anyway for her to get kicked out. No, he’s selfish enough to value his own twisted pride over taking vengeance.

          But perhaps, if Dorothy and others find out what really happen and press it, he’ll think the cat is out of the bag and then just go for it with gusto and take Amber down.

        2. John

          I don’t think he actually knows that it was Amber who kicked his ass. He didn’t seem to recognize her as she approached, and in the dark, in the rain, while being brutally beaten, is not ideal circumstances for making observations.

          Though when he has time to think about it, maybe he’ll start putting two and two together. “I came to visit my daughter, who I hadn’t seen in years, on Saturday, and I got beaten up by a girl. So I took my daughter’s boyfriend hostage and called her to demand she meet me, and I got beaten up by a girl again! Obviously, Amazi-Girl is… my daughter’s meddling RA!”

          (This ends with Blaine being beaten to death with his own femur.)

        3. Gargamel

          Depends, if Amber is Blaines ‘pet project’ then he might be trying to pin it Danny while at the same time avoiding being emasculated.
          “I did this all because your so special” isn’t an uncommon excuse among the abusive.

      2. Optimus Prime

        “Yeah, it was a guy. A big guy. Like 8 feet tall, built like a brick house. He hit me from behind, so I only got a glimpse of him. I think he was black.”

    2. timemonkey

      Considering he doesn’t know it was Amber I’m going with no.

  38. Kathleen

    ONE BRIGHT SPOT OF HOPE:
    If Willis wanted to do a whole story about a legal trial, it would take yeaaaaaaaaars for it to end. It would suck so much energy out of the story.

    So WILLIS: you wouldnt want to go through all the boring details of a legal quagmire would you? of course not. that would be the worst, and absolutely no fun for you.

    riiiight?

  39. brasca1

    Well Daisy if you wait long enough I’m sure you’ll get your wish at Slipshine.

    1. Gamaran Sepudomyn

      That is, without a doubt, the best avatar for this.

  40. hof1991

    Hard to convict someone if the main victim doesn’t cooperate. Police would drop this. Its not like they run DNA for every assault. Not enough lab techs in the world for that.

  41. JA

    So how many went out and Googled ‘Amazi-Girl nude’ after reading this? It’s ok, we’re all fans here…

    Well, probably not googled, since Google has been down all day (at least for me).

    1. John

      The real question is how many people had done that before this strip.

      Google works fine, what’re you talking about.

  42. Jakebob

    That fourth panel makes me think someone’s gonna have blame wrongly put upon them.

  43. chiba37

    I’ve never written to your comic before but I just wanted to say how much I enjoy every update it makes my day

  44. Opus the Poet

    just wanted to point out that same search would get vastly different results today…

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