250

Papers
Posted on June 11, 2018 by David M Willis

250 thoughts on “Papers”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “BUT WON’T THEY FIND OUT WE ARE THE PHANTOM THIEVES OF HEARTS”

    “they will if you don’t SHUT UP about US BEING THE PHANTOM THIEVES OF HEARTS when we TALK IN PUBLIC VERY LOUDLY”

    1. Doctor_Who

      Okay, now I’m gonna be depressed that I don’t live in the universe where a Persona game staring DoA characters is a thing.

      1. ShinyNeen

        I am extremely for this idea. Ridiculously for this idea.
        … I want to brainstorm this but I should go to sleep aaagh

        1. Ana Chronistic

          So Amber SHOULD or SHOULDN’T leave a calling card first?

          Mike’s cat for Mona

        2. ShinyNeen

          Shouldn’t, because stealth is probably important here? Nobody’s being targeted for a change of heart, at least.

          Nominating Dorothy as Makoto. Unless maybe Jacob? And I think Blowjob Cat has to be somebody’s Persona. Just dunno who.
          And, uh, Mike has a cat!? 4+ years reading this comic, somehow did not know that.

        3. CJ

          Phantom Kid would send a message beforehand.
          When the moon changes from green to blue, I will steal the Desperation.

        4. Ana Chronistic

          Mike cat: http://www.shortpacked.com/comic/allergies

        5. ShinyNeen

          Welp guess that’s all I got, goin’ to bed

      2. HeySo

        “a Persona game staring DoA characters is a thing.”

        Well, I would certainly buy that.

      3. Deanatay

        Persona Of Age? Dumbing Of Persona?

        1. Ana Chronistic

          Phandumb Thieves of Age

    2. Felgraf

      I love all the characters in that game, but yeah, JESUS CHRIST RYUJI STOP TALKING ABOUT US IN PUBLIC.

    3. Shariku

      So is this more of a morally grey area for ‘minors can’t drink’ Amber? From what i understand hacking into a computer owned by an institution is actually a criminal offence.

      Though i almost get the feeling computer access is just generally a big grey area to her.

  2. Doctor_Who

    Wait, it’s not just a matter of typing too fast for your target’s security to keep up, then saying “I’m in”?

    Hollywood has lied to me.

    1. Reltzik

      You forgot the step where you reprogram your computer to BEEP every time you hit ENTER.

    2. King Daniel

      One of the most egregious examples I can think of off the top of my head was one (from a video game) in which I was given a quest to “plant the [pre-made] hack into the terminal” in order to physically download a file the quest-giver wanted.

      1. MessyPaint

        Know why? Because irl hacking is fucking boring.

        1. Viktoria

          The new Oceans 8 has an actual legit hack that is realistic and funny. Basically the only time I’ve ever seen it done well.

        2. HMH

          i had zero interest in seeing the movie before this post and now i have precisely one interest which for a movie is a lot of interest for me

        3. Bruceski

          How is the movie, for someone who enjoyed 11 and 13 but bounced hard off 12?

        4. Viktoria

          Characters were good, actresses were good, the actual con/overall plot was meh. The villain wasn’t hateable enough and there wasn’t a solid reveal in the vein of The Sting/Ocean’s 11. Not a waste of time, but don’t go if you’re looking for a strong heist movie.

        5. Bruceski

          I liked in one of those Die Hard movies (the one where they *sigh* hacked the internet) where the hacker set off a car’s crash sensor and then talked OnStar into doing a remote start with the excuse of needing to get his dad to a hospital.

        6. Reltzik

          Social engineering hacking CAN be entertaining…. except for all the times where the hacker pretends to be tech support and intentionally bores the target to death.

      2. Needfuldoer

        There’s a whole Source mod built around ‘hacking cyberspace’ to affect the physical world. It’s not always as silly as it sounds!

        Now those old “surfing the world wide web” kids’ books from the 90s, that had cartoon characters using keyboards as surfboards? Those were hilarious, if only in retrospect.

      3. WonderRabbit

        That’s actually plausible hacking – assuming the game didn’t say the computer was in any way online.

        1. King Daniel

          I mean, a third person was able to contact me through that terminal, while I was installing the hack, and was able to see what I was doing and was trying to convince me to do otherwise, so…?

    3. Deathjavu

      Those superfast typing sequences are a time lapse of two weeks sending emails to people asking to “check password security”

    4. thejeff

      Held off in extreme cases by two security people typing on the same keyboard – faster that way, obviously.

      1. Garrulous

        No no no no. You are supposed to use your feet too. Don’t ya’ll know anything?
        https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mouretsupirates/images/c/c8/Coorie_-_Furious_Warfare.png/revision/latest?cb=20140121060654

  3. Reltzik

    Absolutely nothing can possibly go wrong with this plan, and I endorse it without reservation.

    1. Clif

      She’s a wizard.

      Of course there will be a new grader.

      1. Deanatay

        It’s probably Penny. Amber will send Walky in to seduce her – it will fail spectacularly, but it will give Amber enough time to hack the system.

        1. Regalli

          Penny’s definitely, no-hopes-of-returning fired. Joe’s list and her subsequent behavior (and probably her behavior before, she wasn’t exactly subtle) left no room for doubt. Shenanigans might still ensue for Jason to contest his, but Penny already made whatever case she was offered and chose to drag Jason in for funsies.

          Which, fuck Penny.

  4. JetstreamGW

    Stay good, Walky! Stay good!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Don’t worry, I’m sure Amazi-Girl will make sure these two don’t get up to any trouble.

      1. Dana

        You’re probably right, and now I’m more worried.

  5. Schpoonman

    No! This isn’t going to end well.

    1. Xenocide

      Agreed. Nothing about this is a good idea.

  6. Kernanator

    She’s concerned with a different kind of paper.

    Heyooo.

    1. Needfuldoer

      The Paper?

      Preeow?

    2. begbert2

      Jackie Paper?

      You know because puff the magic dragon okay I’ll stop.

      1. UniqueSnowflake2

        Don’t stop now, you’re on a roll!

  7. Yumi

    Huh, I did think hacking was a possibility, but I didn’t think it through as much as– SHE IS HOLDING HIS HAND

    1. Keulen

      I knew he drew porn, but I didn’t think Willis would draw something so lewd as handholding.

      1. Mordecai

        Honestly I think showing the drawing of it is fucked up. He’s gone too far this time.

    2. Fart Captor

      How did I miss such an important detail??

  8. AnvilPro

    Woah. While I feel for Walky and Amber, this is a pretty serious turn. She’s already facing a murder/assault/vigilante/whatever charge, and now she’s going to hack the school’s grades. If she gets happened (which with webcomic time I could see happening in 2 years at the earliest) her and Walky are getting erased from this comic.

    1. Regalli

      Guessing she’d be charged with assault (possibly aggravated, but I don’t know how Indiana defines the term,) battery, and if there’s a state statute against vigilantism then that as well. It would also cause some significant looking back into the incident with Ryan if her status as AG were known, meaning if she got charged there would DEFINITELY be an assault with a deadly weapon/aggravated assault charge and possibly an attempted murder one as well. The Toedad incident would probably get higher scrutiny too, but I don’t think that would add any new charges, just more counts of assault and battery. Unless Indiana state law says you can trespass on a car. (Sal could maybe press a stalking charge, since she was followed off-campus even if it was to a public event, but I don’t think she would because fuck courts and she and AG have something resembling an understanding? And Linda certainly wouldn’t embroil herself in a legal case on Sal’s behalf. Especially not if the hacking were also discovered so she had Walky to deal with, too.) And obviously the civil cases would all be brutal.

      (Also, since we’re talking hypothetical legal situations with Amber now: insanity plea wouldn’t work, AG clearly knows everything she did was against the law.)

      1. BBCC

        Amber might be charged with public endangerment for throwing the pointy steel ball things into the road. As for Ryan, those would probably be considered self defence since he attacked her with the knife, but the rest could very possibly stick.

        1. Regalli

          Oooh, yeah. And didn’t another car hit them and skid? So another person’s civil claim, too.

          She might avoid criminal charges for Ryan, but it would certainly affect the civil case we know his parents are bringing. Some combo of history of violence and the fact that she knew how to bring him down without actually using the knife. Also the police would be a lot less charitable to a known vigilante. I don’t know enough about criminal law to know if they can reconsider bringing charges in a case like that, but if they could they might.

        2. BBCC

          I don’t think the other cars hit them, but there were a few cars that skid, yeah, including the trucker who was trying not to kill her.

          The police can absolutely charge her if new information comes out, so that could definitely turn into a pain in the ass for Amber.

        3. Regalli

          Basically the moment AG is revealed, Amber is FUCKED.

          Also I’d be shocked if nothing in AG’s toolbelt is considered contraband by IU, though by that point it would be the least of their reasons to expel her.

      2. CJ

        I don’t know. People acting against gun-wielding guys on campus are all the NRA is talking about these days. The NRA would get behind her in a skinny minute to prove that guns are not a problem. Even a girl with no gun can take an adult gunman out. Perfect.

        1. thejeff

          Don’t be silly. The NRA is only interested in good guys with guns. Good guys without gun don’t help their cause of selling more guns.

          OTOH, allowing guns on campus to stop not merely crazy kidnappers with guns, but also dangerous crazed vigilantes, now that’s a marketing plan.

      3. CJ

        Since when has an insanity plea anything to do with not knowing something is against the law?
        It’s not a stupidity plea (though some people do try that ” no one told me I was risking other people’s lives by driving a car with broken bakes”).

        1. CJ

          bRakes

    2. Deadjolras

      Don’t forget that Blaine is also plotting against her!

      1. Regalli

        Oh shit if he comes back again and finds evidence… Gaaaaaah I hope this plan doesn’t go through.

  9. Puckish Rogue

    Well Walky facing the consequences of his actions might have been a good lesson but sure this is good too

  10. tyranidswarm

    Let’s hope the math department has no one doing any ridiculous jobs like keeping track of grades.

    1. Deathjavu

      As far as I know, big universities care about, in order of priority:

      1. Research $
      2. Graduate students that can be used as cheap labor for the research
      3. Probably still not undergraduates

      1. Inahc

        3. International students who can be charged outrageous tuition

        1. boxbot

          4. out of state students who can be charged somewhat more tuition

        2. Clif

          5. Grants.
          0. Large Donations.
          -1. The Sports Program (ala football – usually)

    2. Marsh Maryrose

      The computer system keeps track of grades. The question is whether or not Amber can gain access to that system, and modify the data inside that system.

      And if she can, someone at IU will bear legal liability under FERPA. Whether or not that matters in the DoA world is something we shall find out.

    3. segnosaur

      Not sure if my situation is at all relevant…

      I used to teach at a college (up in Canada). Basically, through most of the year teachers maintained grades for each assignment using whatever system they preferred. (Spreadsheet, custom program, crayon written on toilet paper, etc.) It wasn’t until the end of the year when the final grades were submitted that things were entered into the ‘official’ college computer
      system.

  11. miados

    ugh my mind is still dark it seems. i thought the last comic was talking about pushing him off the building.

    at least my dumb bad thoughts aren’t as often as they used to be.

    1. Yumi

      Don’t feel too bad, it was kinda phrased in a “wait, what” way. I didn’t actually think it was a possibility, but I still joked about seeing that as an option.

      1. miados

        as someone who has tried to…… game over a couple times even though I am doing better my mind goes in bad places at times still.

        1. Yumi

          I get that, for real.
          Glad you’re doing better now.

        2. Dana

          My mind immediately goes there all the time, not because I’m a risk to myself or even unhappy, but because it’s such a familiar train of thought.

  12. Pablo360

    I think I’ve seen this plot before. Next Amber’s going to break into the computer system of a top secret government agency, which will then recruit her to bolster their cybersecurity.

  13. Passchendaele

    DARE TO HACK

    1. Doctor_Who

      DARN TO HECK

      1. King Daniel

        DARE TO HECK

        1. No Name

          DARN TO HACK

        2. Marsh Maryrose

          HARE to DUCK

          Either genetic engineering gone nutso, or a word chain that can be solved in at most five letter substitutions:

          HARE
          HARK
          HACK
          SACK
          SUCK
          DUCK

        3. not someone else

          HARE TO DUNK

          (*insert 90s children’s media joke here*)

        4. not someone else

          Wait, this wasn’t a one-letter substitute game

        5. Marsh Maryrose

          The workplace I recently retired from had a long-running cooperative letter-substitution game where the idea was to keep going as long as you could without repeating words or bringing the chain to an end. IIRC, the record was something over 80 words, but I don’t remember the seed word.

        6. MatthewTheLucky

          Hare
          Hark
          Hack
          Huck
          Duck

    2. Marsh Maryrose

      DARE
      DARK
      BARK
      BACK
      HACK

  14. jeffepp

    This can go baldy. I’ll get more popcorn.

    1. cbwroses

      Does fresh buttery popcorn help with early onset baldness?

  15. Derek

    while this is completely unethical I can’t say I wasn’t tempted to cheat for grades in university…

  16. bladecleaner

    THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS
    STOP EVERYTHING
    THEY’RE HOLDING HANDS
    AND POSSIBLY DEFYING THE ACADEMIC INDUSTRIAL COMPLEX AND HACKING THE SYSTEM IN A WAY THAT WILL DEFINITELY NOT HELP WALKY’S SELF IMPROVEMENT AT ALL
    WOW ITS A DREAM COME TRUE

    1. Clif

      Mike would be proud. After all he planted the seed so many years ago.

  17. butts

    this is a bad plan

    and yet i can think of several times when i would have loved it

    1. Archivist

      Oh hey your gravatar is a different butt now.

      1. butts

        i switch it up every now and then

  18. Kata

    this is going to end badly

    1. Clif

      Well, yes. Walky still doesn’t understand the material. And there is the rest of the course to go.

  19. newllend(henryvolt)

    Holy fuck we’re doing this.

  20. Yumi

    With this plan in motion, I’m now pretty sure that Jason will end up NOT being fired, so that will be fun.

    1. TemporalShrew

      On the plus side, Jason is also probably the only person who would keep it on the down-low that Walky tried to hack his grades.

      1. Yumi

        Pros for Jason: gets to stay in program
        Cons for Jason: more moral qualms

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      But I Like bartender Jason he’s cool……never did I ever think I would say that.

  21. BBCC

    Well, either Walky says no or they don’t get caught because otherwise we’ve gone from ‘possibly getting a not great grade in one class’ to ‘you will get EXPELLED’. And, of course, Linda wouldn’t possibly find out and flip her shit over THAT, would she?

    (Nah, she’d find a way to blame Sal for it somehow).

    1. Regalli

      Other possibility is this is where Amber learns Walky’s last name and that he has a sister and she does the math* before breaking? I don’t WANT it to happen, but I also really don’t want the two of them to do this.

      * Pun noticed but not intended.

      1. BBCC

        Possibly. That’d be one way to learn.

        1. Regalli

          It’s not the most likely thing to happen, but that reveal’s gotta come someday and if it stops them from doing something this terrible I’ll take it.

        2. Lizzie

          Oh, oh, oh….! It might! Remember, Walky has been wanting to be better to Sal now that he sees how his parents overlook her. He might ask Amber to raise her grades too since they’re in the same class. Especially since she’s been working hard to do well, Walky would realize it isn’t fair to put his grades above his sister’s just so he can remain the golden child in their mom’s eyes.

        3. BBCC

          Sal’s grades have been improving on her own though. I can see Walky wanting to but I think it’d make her angry when she found out.

  22. Archivist

    HEIST HEIST HEIST.

  23. Stephen Bierce

    *”Flirting With Disaster” starts playing*

    1. Stephen Bierce

      Y’all Know What I Mean

  24. Darkoneko

    She accidentally may ?

  25. Ivy

    No. No. Just do…literally anything else.
    What’s wrong with these people?

    1. Regalli

      Amber is actively trying to prove she is in fact the monster she thinks she is and ruin Amazi-Girl’s standing with anyone who knows her. The fact that this is Dorothy’s now-ex-boyfriend may be a factor here, actually.

      Walky hasn’t said yes yet, but if he does he’s certainly not thinking through every single thing about this that can and will go wrong if it works. (He still doesn’t know the material and will certainly get a new TA that will know his new grades; Dorothy and others might notice the change and get suspicious; he will LITERALLY GET EXPELLED if and when they get caught and his mother will kill him even more for that; guilt because Walky will feel it…)

      Also, when in doubt just look at the title.

  26. newllend(henryvolt)

    Right now I’m surprised that Amber is actually willing to go this far to help Walky but I’m worried if she even sure about doing this.

  27. Lingo

    Meredith is suddenly plot-relevant!!!
    …OK maybe not.

    1. Needfuldoer

      She’s consistently plot-adjacent.

      1. Deanatay

        M: Hey, I WILL tell everyone what you’re doing!
        A: Okay, what are we doing?
        M: Uhh… something… bad?
        A: Yeah, that’s what I expected.

  28. Waffliesinyoface

    This can go either poorly (walky experiencing all of the guilt in the world) or *incredibly poorly* (walky and amber learn about the magical world of felonies)
    …
    *eats popcorn*

    1. newllend(henryvolt)

      Hey everyone wanted a Amber & Walky love interest now we just haft to ask the question of whether or not they’re willing to take this even if it meant the two of them became Bonnie and Clyde.

      1. Yumi

        I actually want it more now

      2. Needfuldoer

        It’s Prohibition! A Depression-era webcomic about bank heists, moonshine running, and romance by David “Two Mouths to Feed” Willis.

  29. Tacos

    I knew it that she was still there.

    Also this plan is probably gonna fail spectacularly.

    1. Clif

      But the thing about Amber is that she can make spectacularly bad ideas work. (See Amazigirl). I wouldn’t bet against her skills. Also, she’s a wizard.

  30. DailyBrad

    I am relieved this isn’t “let’s fuck” or “you can be my Robin”.
    Still, Jocelyn was cuter at crime proposing.

    1. Victor

      Relieved? Either/both of those would be fun.

      I mean, the hacking thing is good, but don’t you think a Walky/Amber sex scene is the ideal outcome here?

      The Robin thing is good too, hadn’t thought about that one.

      Maybe we’ll get all three!

  31. TrueVCU

    HACK THE PLANEEEEEEET

    1. Griffin Raynor

      Apagando las luches.

  32. Morbid

    I get the distinct feeling that Amber enjoys eating pumpkins…..

    1. Delicious Taffy

      What pumpkins?

      1. No Name

        Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin eater (sitting on a water heater)

        1. No Name

          Y’know, like “Liar, Liar, Pants on fire (sitting on a telephone wire)”

  33. s

    at this point in the semester they’ve probably still got 1-2 tests and the final exam to go (which is to say, around half the grade for the course). and the second half of a calc 1 class relies very heavily on the first half, which walky doesn’t understand, so getting caught/this being illegal aside, he’s still going to fail (maybe scrape out a C at best).

    1. BBCC

      It’s not even had the midterm yet. We’ve seen weekly quizzes and homework being turned in and that’s it. I doubt it’s that bad just yet.

      1. Regalli

        See once again, ‘Jason was almost certainly being a judgmental ass who didn’t actually know what he was talking about when Walky asked for tutoring.’ (Or most charitably, accounted for turnaround based off Jason’s probably-skewed perception of him and didn’t explain that to Walky.)

        1. Anonymsly

          Except we know that even the most perfect tutoring wouldn’t have helped Walky, because he didn’t even make five seconds’ worth of effort. How is Walky’s lack of effort 100% Jason’s fault?

        2. Regalli

          Walky not putting in effort is a problem he’ll have to surmount if he wants to actually pass this class.

          Jason was still a shitty TA whose first impulse for both students we saw him help was ‘drop’ (and as we know, Sal wasn’t a lost cause); the information he gave to Walky about dropping was probably over-simplified or downright inaccurate to boot; he told a student clearly having a major breakdown that his mother should be used to him disappointing her and phrased the matter of his grades in the most abrasive manner possible even before we question its accuracy (seriously, you Don’t Do That as an educator, and even with his lack of training basic fucking fact should come into play somewhere); Jason took the entire thing from the start over his sense of guilt for sleeping with Sal and as some form of atonement/punishment, meaning he wasn’t doing this in good faith either (Also, you DO NOT sleep with your students, especially since the Slipshine apparently indicates he knows grades are on her mind and thus could be a factor there); and on top of it all we KNOW, even with a student who’s TRYING, that Jason is a shitty tutor.

          I don’t think Walky is ever gonna improve with his current attitude, and he needs to curb his avoidance issues and learn to study. (And I’m betting his not trying could be tied up in the avoidance, too.) Jason’s still completely ill-equipped to be a TA, took no action to try and improve his methods when he realized there was a problem, and deserved to be fired. The two issues are separate and I am perfectly capable of holding both opinions simultaneously.

        3. Liliet

          ^^^ this. Walky being a shittier student than Sal doesn’t mean Jason magically improved as a tutor from one to another. Also, studying is a skill that can be taught? Beyond Jason’s pay grade probably but still

        4. thejeff

          And that is the key to Walky’s troubles. One I don’t think even Dorothy really got. He doesn’t really need to be taught the math he doesn’t understand, he needs to learn how to learn it.

        5. Regalli

          Seriously. Looking back into the Sal arc, literally all the issues with Jason have always been there (Also some of his comments suggest there really is a nasty racial element in his interactions with the twins,) and Walky not trying doesn’t absolve him of them.

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      Ah a C the ultimate constellation prize for participation.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        It’s the Pleiades of grades.

    3. Bagge

      It will feel awfully tempting to keep hacking the results

      1. Regalli

        Which will be much harder once a new TA is assigned who actually knows what grades they gave. No good can come of this.

      2. No Name

        Cheating, like murder, is a nasty habit.

        1. Clif

          It will eventually be easier for Amber to hack Walky.

      3. thejeff

        Not just tempting, but pretty much necessary. Otherwise, there’s no point in hacking the grades at all.

  34. Deadjolras

    NSFW WARNING: HAND-HOLDING

    1. Mordecai

      Jesus, is it even legal to show that here??

  35. Bagge

    The path from masked vigilante to cyber criminal was awfully short

    1. CrazyJ

      That was a different person, Amazi-Girl. And now Amazi-Girl will have to bring Amber to justice for cyber-crimes.

      1. butts

        They’re not exactly on great terms, after all.

      2. newllend(henryvolt)

        Now I’m just imagining Amber having a Tyler Durden moment in the middle of the heist and she’s just hitting herself over and over, that or she just gets her ass kicked by someone who isn’t there like at the end of the movie.

    2. newllend(henryvolt)

      There’s a thin line between the two sides of Justice. ?

  36. avistel

    Nnnnnnnnno.

    nononononono.

    She’s contemplating unambiguous academic fraud here

    If this goes the way I think it is and is painted in any way other than Wrong On Every Level, I’m gonna be seriously disappointed

  37. UltraKyrie

    i can’t tell if this is better or worse than what i thought she was gonna suggest (becoming amazi-girl’s sidekick)

  38. Nobody

    Oh shit, amazigirl is going to bust amber for hacking grades… wait a minute

    1. Reltzik

      Does she have hacking skills? Can she unhack Amber’s hack? I mean, she’s prepared for EVERYTHING, right?

  39. Rabid Rabbit

    Holy fuck, Amber. Amazi-Girl is going to be so pissed at you.

  40. newllend(henryvolt)

    Good thing Blaine didn’t send Faz on a recon mission a few days after this or he would have gotten exactly what he needed and more; Dirt on Amber and a college kid related to a above averagely successful family that has good connections.

    1. Regalli

      And if anyone actually interacted with and followed whatever legal kerfuffle the hold up incident turned out to be, and therefore could actually recognize the Walkertons by name, Blaine would be it.

      I hate Linda and don’t have any optimism about Charles, but no one deserves blackmail from Blaine.

      1. newllend(henryvolt)

        Since Walky Mom are on a buddy buddy relationship with the dean that means she could get Faz into College with very little cost. But I don’t think Blaine really cares about that.

        1. Regalli

          Yeah, if there were any chance the Walkertons actually pressed charges or anything and Amber’s parents lost and Blaine was still paying, that would be another story. But given how everyone involved kind of just covered it up (Sal at the boarding school, Amber in self-defense classes rather than therapy,) and the fact that you don’t tend to have a good case when your daughter was injured after committing a crime and pressing charges would mean more attention to the incident, and I really, really doubt it. Still, not a man you want to be on the bad side of.

        2. BBCC

          It doesn’t help both girls caused permanent damage to each other (Sal caused psychological damage and Amber caused permanent physical damage – and, possibly psychological, considering how much we know Sal doesn’t like having her hand uncovered).

        3. Regalli

          Yeah, though I don’t think Blaine cares, I doubt Linda cares about any psychological issues Sal has, and while Stacey cares about Amber’s well-being she certainly doesn’t know or understand how bad it’s been or how bad it’s now getting.

          Which is why the court should have insisted on therapy for Amber and not self-defense what the actual fuck, but I digress. Stacey still wouldn’t have been keyed in unless Amber told her separately or things got to the ‘threat to herself and others’ stage while she was a minor, but talking with a therapist might have encouraged her to be more open and not do this. Or made it a thousand times worse, but at least there would be a CHANCE of a well-equipped therapist.

        4. BBCC

          Well, it’s not like the ones the court (and possibly the Walkertons, plus her new school) set Sal up with were great so.

        5. Regalli

          Hence that thousand times worse. Add dissociation into the mix and it’s even more likely she’d get someone who taught her bad techniques, actually, too.

          I just want these characters to magically find someone who gets them and can help.

  41. brasca1

    Well if Amber couldn’t change Amazi-Girl into a villain then she’ll become one herself. Probably start a fight club next.

  42. nlips

    YES! Time for Shenanigans!

  43. Plasma Mongoose

    Remember kids, cheating is only bad if the job your degree qualifies you for risks people’s lives or infrastructure, if you are for example, an English major or a Bachelor of Arts, you only need that degree to make sure the HR doesn’t just throw your CV away.

    1. Schpoonman

      I mean, technically? Academic fraud will still annihilate you.

      1. Iain

        Picture is profoundly relevant

    2. not someone else

      I dunno, in this economy seeing “Bachelor of Arts” is probably why HR would throw your CV away. (Says the bitter man who decided getting a degree in Ancient Greek would be a good idea.)

    3. Vulcanodon

      Poor communication/presentation skills is a major reason why engineers were unable to convince the suits to delay the Challenger launch. They probably had English teachers who cheated.

  44. KSClaw

    *siiiiigh* Walky, I have a different solution. It’s called getting a tutor that isn’t Dorothy and putting actual effort into studying.

  45. OnyxIdol

    “And that way we solve the problem forever.”
    “But-”
    “FOREVER.”

  46. cbwroses

    I’m seeing a couple of comments about Walky not studying/not trying to learn.
    Did people forget that he was studying with Dorothy just about every night?
    While he may not have tried at all with Jason, he would have certainly tried with her.
    The boy just doesn’t get it. He might need a different method than just study harder.
    If he didn’t study at all, if he never tried, he wouldn’t be feeling so shifty now.

    1. Regalli

      Part of the problem is that he doesn’t have good study skills to begin with. Which he can definitely learn once someone identifies that. And clearly the textbook and Jason’s lessons (probably regurgitated from Professor Rees regurgitating from the textbook) aren’t explaining it in a way he’s getting, so he needs someone equipped to translate and I’m not sure Dorothy was. (Especially since she was getting progressively more distracted by other things while balancing Walky tutoring in her schedule. Still worried about her, by the way.)

      Walky’s still got his self-worth tied up in effortless smarts, and that’s a problem, but the Jason sessions were mutually disastrous and he needs more help than they were ever gonna give.

      1. thejeff

        And for “good study skills” read “any study skills”.

        Still, this ties into another reason I wish it wasn’t math he was having trouble with. Math might be hard, but studying math is easy – you just do a lot of it. There are problems in the book and usually answers in the back, so you can see if you got them right. You learn math by doing lots of it.
        As opposed to some other classes where there isn’t such concrete stuff to do – that’s when all the other study skills I never picked up come in – highlighting and outlining and all that.

        1. Regalli

          I think he might be having a mental block while they’re trying to explain how to do some kind of function or something? We’ve certainly seen him staring blankly at the textbook a lot. With a bad teacher I can see him just Not Getting some particular thing that the next three weeks have been built on.

          Which yeah, won’t solve his study problems, but with a better-equipped tutor I can see that building the foundation that, at minimum, this is how you get better by putting in work.

        2. thejeff

          That’s because staring blankly at the textbook is all he understands of studying. He’s mimicking study behavior he’s seen.

          Before now he’s always been able to get good grades while drawing dinosaurs in class and never studying outside of it. I doubt this is a specific mental block, just a broad “college is harder and he has to up his game.”

          Other than his noted mental block of having his self-esteem tied to being able to do well without studying, but that’s a little different.

        3. Regalli

          Possible. But given he was trying with Dorothy, I really think there’s a specific concept here he’s not currently getting beyond studying in general. (If Dorothy only let him stare at the textbook the whole time and didn’t even try talking with him and seeing where he was struggling every session, I will be very surprised.)

        4. thejeff

          I’m not sure how much he actually tried with Dorothy – as in how long they spent at it before her own issues came up and he turned to Jason to free up her time. Looks to me like it was probably only once. It was the day after he told her about his grades that he went to Jason the first time. Though she was checking up on him for awhile after that, I don’t think we saw any actual tutoring.

          Dorothy may well have focused on specific things he had problems with, rather than on study habits in general.

        5. CJ

          I think some stuff in calculus – or any subject, really – is really hard to get if you only hear it explained in a way that doesn’t make sense to you.
          I dimly remember working with a “teach yourself calculus” book in highschool , because I had a teacher who was really bad at explaining.l

  47. cbwroses

    She’s holding his hand! I want them to be a thing so bad…

    1. Clif

      Oh, they’ll be a thing alright. At this point it’s inevitable.

      1. Clif

        It may not be, however, the thing you expect.

        1. cbwroses

          As long as the thing they become involves a slipshine…

  48. Pidgey

    Cheating is just kicking the can down the road. Only worse because the next semester will be built on this one. He needs to fail and redo not move onto the next class

    1. Raen

      This would be true if college were primarily a place of education, rather than of gatekeeping… trust me, I know first-hand where the former attitude gets you.

      1. Pidgey

        I know too. I teach it. I see it all the time

    2. thejeff

      Or actually pass. He’s not that far behind. If he could find a way to learn how to learn, he could very likely recover his grades.
      Failing and redoing won’t help unless he does that anyway. (And pushes the resolution off for decades of real time, so that’s not likely from that pov either.)

      1. Pidgey

        He seems pretty far behind to me. I don’t think he’s learned good work ethic and I don’t think he’d catch back up. He quit tutoring and only went back because he thought he was getting back with Dorothy. He doesn’t are about passing, he cares about the facade and he needs to wake up to that. Maybe even take a semester off and work. Figure out what he wants and what being an adult means to him. But hey, just my opinion from observing him

        1. thejeff

          Well sure, but I’m also working within the constraints of the comic form. We’re never going to get past the first year and Walky’s not going actually drop out of school.

          He’s behind and catching up will be hard. The whole point is that he’s never learned good work ethic – or any work ethic, for that matter. He’s never needed to. This is a challenge for him to overcome, not to bail on for the forseeable future.

        2. BBCC

          He’s really not. They haven’t even had any big assignments yet. We’re looking at a couple bad weekly quizzes and homework. He’s not flunked a midterm or anything substantial.

        3. thejeff

          He’s behind though, even if the grades aren’t in yet. He’s got to learn the material he’s missed in order to be able to learn the current material. That’s where it get hard. Math builds on itself. Fall behind and you’re in trouble.

          He’s got to catch up, learn all the old stuff he missed and until he does he’s going to keep not getting the new stuff.

          It’s certainly possible, but he hasn’t even started yet.

        4. BBCC

          Yes, it’s going to be necessary to catch up – my point is that he’s nowhere near far behind enough that it’s hurting him overall that badly.

    3. Yumi

      Except I don’t think he’s planning on taking another semester of math– he’s just taking this one to meet the math requirement. He doesn’t even need the class he’s in, he could be taking an easier one.

      1. Pidgey

        It depend on his major for sure. But every university I’ve heard the policy of math is a requirement for the first year.

        1. Yumi

          Well, at my university, most of my friends only had to take a semester of math. I tested out of needing to take math at all. (Of course, I also had AP Stats and Calc credits, so I met that requirement, like, three different ways.)

        2. Regalli

          Yeah, I just had a math credit for Stat and two semesters of science credits and got my gen ed requirements in that section.

        3. Pidgey

          Huh, and to Yumi as well. I had no idea it was so different in other universities. It’s now a striking coincidence that the unis I know have a 1 year requirement

      2. thejeff

        And if he doesn’t learn to study now, he’ll eventually hit the same wall in some other class that he needs. He can’t just panic and drop every class he has trouble with.

        It’s not a “math is too hard” problem. It’s a “college is harder and Walky can’t coast like he did in high school” problem.

  49. BenRG

    “I’m not convinced that Meredith is even sure we’re actually here and not a hallucination, so I wouldn’t worry too much about what she’s seen or heard!”

    1. Clif

      Worry more about what Joyce has seen and heard. Also Mike.

  50. GUIGUI

    That seems like a terrible solution.

    1. Clif

      “Your brain keeps replaying all your worst mistakes on a loop.” The solution is obviously to make the loop bigger.

  51. Yumi

    Also, excited for my Dina magnet! Now no one will mistake me for someone who is not a fan of DoA.

    1. Clif

      Inconceivable.

  52. Woobie

    Only a short term solution.

    1. Clif

      Yes, but at the current rate it will kick the can down the road for years.

  53. Felgraf

    Amber, no, no, bad plan. THIS IS A VERY BAD PLAN.

  54. Keulen

    Somehow I doubt Jason is the only person in the math department who cares about the grades of the students in Walky’s math class. Wait, what am I talking about, there’s no way this plan can go wrong at all.

  55. Eldritch Gentleman

    You dumbass! Just introduce him to Danny instead!

    1. segnosaur

      Not sure if Amber has that much sway with Danny at this point in order to get him to make such a time commitment. Remember, Walky was the one that Dorothy hooked up with after she dumped Danny. (Plus, people are suggesting that Amber and Walky might hook up… I think it would be a bad idea, but if it happens that would even be less incentive for Danny to help. “Here, help my new boyfriend so he doesn’t get kicked out of school”.)

      And even if she did convince Danny to tutor Walky, who knows if it would work. Sal was willing to work hard but just needed things explained differently. Walky is lazy. Different problems, and there is no guarantee that Danny would find a way to get through to Walky.

  56. Needfuldoer

    Walky just needs to sit down with a tutor who’s worth a damn, and concentrate for more than five seconds at a time. He coasted through high school, so he never learned how to study. That’s a tough wall to hit, but it can be overcome. Hacking his grades won’t solve that underlying problem, he’s just going to keep getting bad grades until he admits he needs help studying.

    Is Joyce still especially good at math in this universe? (She was in the old continuity, that’s a big part of how she controlled that jetpack.) She’s majoring in education anyway, here’s some good practice.

    1. Conuly

      Before he learns how to study he’s gonna have to get over his mental block about studying being for stupid people. It’s astonishing how prevalent that attitude can be, and it’s so fucked up.

      1. chris73

        I know right, its like when I lift weights and people think I’m strong because I’m naturally strong and just lift weights for fun but they never noticed that I was average (very average) before I started lifting weights or comment on the years it took to get there…getting strong or getting smart takes a lot of work (for those of us that aren’t genetically gifted of course) and you got to keep at it

  57. CJ

    Will they find out the only one actually fired is Penny and Jason’s sill in?

    1. Reltzik

      Only AFTER they change Walky’s grades so that Jason can notice the discrepancy.

  58. Ainara

    That is one of the worst decisions made in a comic ABOUT people making bad decisions. I love it.

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      Topped only by Ryan picking a fight with Amber.

      1. Clif

        Never pick a fight with a with a wizard.

  59. Harvest Time

    oh no Amber this is a garbage solution. Walky doesn’t need to risk getting expelled over a goddamn elective.

    1. BBCC

      It’s not an elective but this is still a really bad idea.

  60. Reltzik

    So, um, how’s Dorothy going to take it when she finds out that Walky started acing Calculus the moment she stopped tutoring him?

  61. BenRG

    I’m wondering if Amber and Walky’s ‘mission’ will run into a few problems and this will end up as a ‘teachable’ moment when the two of them learn important life lessons.

    Or, perhaps, maybe Amber will have a meltdown when Amazi-Girl tries to stop her from breaking the rules. That’s how Walky becomes the first person to learn just how ill she is.

  62. Rikunda

    Isn’t this a classic storyline where they end up in Saturday detention and find out they really are not trash? Yeah no.

  63. Zaxares

    Amber, no. Fighting crime is one thing. This is using your powers for evil. 🙁

  64. Raen

    “I could’ve gone to class before I got high / I could’ve cheated and I could’ve passed, but then I got high.”

  65. vlademir1

    Damn it, Amber, you could literally have just offered to give him the easy mode Calc primer… it’d have been easier and solved his problem and the longer term consequences of his inability to grasp the material as taught.

  66. Vulcanodon

    This was literally the beginning of the movie War Games. Next thing you know they’ll be trying to head off a nuclear war by enlisting the help of an AI scientist who was officially supposed to be dead.

    1. Wright

      A STRANGE GAME.
      THE ONLY WINNING MOVE IS
      NOT TO PLAY.
      HOW ABOUT A NICE GAME OF CHESS?

  67. 3-I

    Well, this is definitely a serious strike against Amber’s Lawful Good alignment.

  68. NickG

    If this isn’t a pointer to Jason keeping his TA job I will be very surprised.

  69. timemonkey

    Amber, even if you pull that off Amazi-Girl will ruin it.

  70. Deanatay

    Wow, Amber’s planning something illegal. Sure hope Amazi-Girl doesn’t find out…

    (totally hoping that)

  71. Duncan Bayne

    Hi David, just wanted to let you know that your RSS feed is broken. Latest item it contains is Either.

  72. Huehuetotl

    Jason not having a job in the Math department is not the same thing as not being a grad student in the Math department. And no matter what kind of cheating a student comes up with, the university has likely thought of it (or encountered it) already.

  73. C.T Phipps

    I predict this will end like a Coen Brothers movie where they end up murdering Penny while trying to cover up their cheating.

  74. dralou

    Walky. Please listen to your external conscience, the one who looks suspiciously like a blond Amber. What would Dorothy think if she ever found out about you cheating ?

    1. BenRG

      FRAZZLED DOROTHY: “R… really? Can she change my grades too? So… m… maybe I can eat and sleep?”

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        She is a woman. The media would have a Cannibal Day with her during Elections if they found out.

        1. Gojira

          This comic is going to need a serious retcon after Trump manages to turn the USA into a full fascist dictatorship within the next year or two.

        2. Puckish Rogue

          Yes yes of course he will

      2. dralou

        …
        Dang, you’re right.

  75. hof1991

    This isn’t about Walky at all. This is about Amber getting her agency back after letting Mike deal with the grade problem in middle school. Amber NEEDS this solution, whether it works best for Walky or not.

    1. thejeff

      But she also needs it not to blow up horribly in the long run. Fixing these grade and Walky failing out anyway isn’t going to do wonders for her.

  76. Joebo

    Dina magnet you say? Don’t mind if I do.

  77. Victor Riley

    Hmm… I was going to put my money on Amber giving Walky a superhero outfit and them fighting crime together.

    But COMMITTING crime works too, I guess.

  78. Cedrick Rozon

    Oh Walky, just put your nose to the grinding stone and GO STUDY!!

  79. Cabinderada

    This strip has marijuana jokes?

  80. Daibhid C

    “You either die a hero or you live long enough to find yourself hacking into the university computers to alter someone’s grades as a quick fix for their self-esteem issues caused by the weight of other people’s unrealistic expectations.” Harvey Dent (probably. On, like, Earth-43 or something.)

  81. Gojira

    Indiana is weird. Who smokes alone? Also, smoking pot in a relatively outdoor setting and not immediately surrounded by moochers asking to get a hit? So weird.

    1. gears

      Adults. Adults smoke alone.

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