184

PMHP
Posted on August 22, 2011 by David M Willis

184 thoughts on “PMHP”

  1. Jen Aside

    IT’S BACK!! WOOO

    Ooo, new banner, too =o

    1. David Herbert

      Only thing that could be better about it is if Walky had the dumb look he gets around Doroty.

    2. Dark_Tiger

      The only thing that would be better? Perverse Sexual Lust.

  2. Mkvenner

    At least she didn’t blush.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Joyce, you do know that it is rude to point right?

      1. Aizat

        And it’s double rude to double point?

        1. Undrave

          It’s actually QUADRUPLE rude!

        2. gangler

          And then you gotta keep in mind that shouting is an exponent, not a multiplier. Depending on her volume this is anywhere from 16x to 256x rude. Joyce is being very rude here.

      2. Sili

        It hard to whip up some righteous indignation without doing the proper moves.

        1. CWR

          Like anime heroes’ pose battles?

      3. Pat

        Who made that rule, anyway? It’s stupid.

  3. Viktoria

    Woo, Catchphrase-get!

    1. Canvas Hat

      DOA meme!

      1. eagalian

        someone seriously needs to make a comprehensive list of all the DOA meme’s out there now. though that list would be about a mile long

        1. Sjosten

          It would only be worth a Nickel.

        2. Raiser

          This one’s actually not so much a DoA meme as it is a Joyce meme in general. She was traumatized by footage of pre-marital hanky panky for a rather long time back in the Walky series (I forget where, but it’s rather early, around the time the aliens started showing up.)

          …and then she got a little herself and seemed to be pretty much fine with everything after that.

        3. Nathan

          Before the “Walky” series of events acually. It happened shortly before Walky was even introduced, all the way back in “Roomies!”

    2. Undrave

      She could save herself a lot of effort by just going ‘JOE!’ :p

      1. dchorror

        Does she know that yet?

      2. Bickendan

        JOE!
        Hey, you’re right!
        JOE!!!

        1. CWR

          Since the word “Joe” is a euphemism for the physical act of sex…no.

          She couldn’t.

        2. Mally

          Premarital Joe, at that.

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    Joyce read the news I gather.

    1. Canvas Hat

      She could have recalled when Roz told Joe something about underwear.

    2. Steven

      No, she watched the video. Over and over.

      1. Aizat

        Shouldn’t she lost her memories if she watched the video?

        1. gangler

          Joyce 2.0. They fixed that bug in the patch.

  5. Ragnal

    I can’t wait to watch Dorothy’s reality shatter, just for the facial expressions.

    1. Ragnal

      …Joyce, not…not Dorothy. >_> I must’ve been tired when I wrote this.

  6. Tom

    Joe.

    Run.

    NOW. D:

    1. Canvas Hat

      With your penis. Don’t Forget It!

      NO PENIS LEFT BEHIND.

      1. darthmiho

        I wish I could upvote you.

      2. Aizat

        Is that a motto for a penis army?

        1. Canvas Hat

          It’s one of the official rules. The motto is Semper Virilis

        2. The HellJack

          Don’t be surprised if Willis uses that line someday.

      3. Rowen Morland

        Joe is no doubt a master of the three-legged race.

        1. Meridian

          Apparently so. It’s all over the news.

        2. Raiser

          Wait’ll you see him perform the pole-vault.

  7. buttsbutts mcgee

    joyce, you so crazy.

  8. Aizat

    Joyce’s scream is so loud that Joe’s face is like it’s been in a wind tunnel.

    1. Canvas Hat

      his FAAAAAAAAAAAACE

    2. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

      Wow! I can here her all the way from Cincinnati! And this is another dimension!

    3. HMRC4EVR

      It is live, or is it Joycearex?

      Okay, I stretched on that one…

    4. Meridian

      Joyce uses “Mariah Carey Scream”. It’s Super-effective!

  9. Doctor_Who

    She’s not accusing. She’s demanding. 😉

    1. Thor

      If only.

    2. Mkvenner

      Can’t it be both?

      1. dchorror

        In this situation, it can always be both.

        1. Mkvenner

          😀

    3. iSaidCandleja-

      Exactly how I interpret it.

  10. Ridureyu

    Wow, I missed that little catch phrase.

  11. Mkvenner

    I think joe heard you the first time, Blue Eyes White Devil.

    1. Aizat

      You know, Blue Eyes White Devil sounds like a Yu-Gi-Oh card or something.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        That’s the point, Joyce is like BEWD except in her case, her ATK is 1600, DEF is only about 200

        1. Aizat

          Not a powerful card, I see.

        2. dchorror

          Yeah, but if she’s on the field, The Punchy Mike can be summoned for free and even if he only has a DEF of 200, he obviously has 3200 of ATK.

        3. Aizat

          And special summons Best Friend Billie(ATK: 2000 DEF: 1000) if Bath Buddy card is used.

        4. dchorror

          Someone needs to pull out the MSE and make these cards.

        5. Gordon

          Punchy Mike wouldn’t be a Monster card, he’s a Equip/Trap card.

          When BEWD is targeted by an opposing Lust Monster, Punchy Mike is activated. It raises BEWD’s Attack by 1400 and it’s Defense by 1800.

          The downside to Punchy Mike is that if it is attached to a Lust Monster, its ATT and DEF become 0.

          And I will throw this Magic card out there: Perverse Sexual Lust. All Monsters on both sides of the field and in the Graveyard, unless affected by another card, are treated as Lust Monsters.

          In the Dumbing of Age TCG, Lust is an element.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          She might have some special ability that takes affect when someone has got lust in their decks.

        7. Aizat

          And negates Joe’s effect, I think.

        8. Canvas Hat

          Or increases it’s effects with a Unity card that increases attack and negates all damage done on her by Hanky Pankies.

        9. Plasma Mongoose

          She can deal double damage if she can draw out her Tract cards.

        10. N0083rP00F

          Special ability – Oblivious – what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her

      2. gangler

        If I recall it actually got started with some kaiba jokes re: his favorite card. I like it. Works on every level.

  12. Plasma Mongoose

    PREMARITAL HANKY PANKY NOW!

    1. Aizat

      Are you insinuating that Joyce wants to do it?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Would I do that? 😛

      2. Doctor_Who

        She does. She just doesn’t know it.

        Suppressed hormones are the worst kind.

        1. gangler

          Nah doctor, you got it wrong. They’re the best. Watching them manifest themselves in unpredictable and mysterious ways is entertainment forever. The gift that keeps on giving, and you give it to yourself 😉

        2. dchorror

          Depends on which side of the fence you’re on. They’re the worse when happening to you.

        3. Canvas Hat

          Or if you’re caught in the fence. It’s painful either way.

        4. gangler

          Nah, it’s the best when it happens to you. Why just the other day I realized I don’t sleep anymore. I lay in bed, black out and start graffiti-ing phallic imagery all over the city. Sign it “Studley the Sexosaurus”. Now I know where all these spray-paint bottles are coming from. Life is a whimsical adventure.

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          Joe is going to get raped. 😛

        6. Aizat

          So, rape is OK when it’s female on male?

        7. Plasma Mongoose

          Oddly enough, the answer is YES

        8. dchorror

          Not always, though.

          NSFW

        9. eagalian

          sex is never the question. it’s always the answer, and the answer’s yes, it’s always yes.

          sorry, i’ll go die in a hole now

    2. Aizat

      I find the word “Hanky Panky” to be quite funny.

  13. meanderling

    The last panel kind of scares me.

    Also, off topic but I just moved into college as a freshman–and then I had to read the comic again, because now it actually pertains to my life. It’s pretty accurate, actually.

    1. Bishop

      I moved into college as a freshman last year, and due to the pacing of the comic (which is not Willis’ fault but mine) I find it no longer pertains (as closely) to my life! Enjoy these moments while you can, young one!

  14. Canvas Hat

    It could be worse. Joe could have done it with Mike.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I’m not sure if Joyce is ready for premarital hatefucks, she cannot handle the idea of someone else having premarital hanky-panky yet.

      1. Canvas Hat

        It’s not a hatefuck if it is with a force-a-nature.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Since when was Chuck Norris involved, I thought that this was about Mike.

        2. Canvas Hat

          Aren’t they related?

        3. Undrave

          Mikus Prime is one of the Original Thirteen Transformers and a Multiversal Singularity. Primus put him in charge of hate and fucking your mother.

          For a cyber-nickle.

        4. Canvas Hat

          We better make a definition for Force-a-Nature. For Science.

        5. Aizat

          A weapon for the Scout in Team Fortress 2?

        6. Canvas Hat

          The one that launches your enemy back, and yourself back if you’re in midair?

        7. Aizat

          Only on the first shot.

        8. Mkvenner

          Mike is related to CHUCK NORRIS.

    2. iSaidCandleja-

      I think you mispelled “better” in your first sentence.

      1. Canvas Hat

        It could be better. It also could be worse. It all depends on how you shuffle the deck.

        1. Aizat

          Mike is like The Joker, a wild card.

        2. Canvas Hat

          Coincidentally, I was going to write how the coin flips, but then I noticed Twoface & Scarecrow: Year One, and decided against it.

          Coincidentally, “coincidentally” has Dent in it.

        3. N0083rP00F

          Nah – Mike is the extra card with the Guarantee on it – in his case it would be for a punch in the face and obverse your mom for a nickle

  15. YakkoRex

    Joyce cracks me up. When I was managing a dorm, I had a “returning to school to start my second career” type who would call me to say in a concerned and hushed voice that there were “People smoking marijuana on my floor”. Thanks, Ma’am, I’ll get right on that…

  16. gangler

    This is one of those lovely moments where you just wanna be able to look inside a characters head. What exactly does Joyce think is gonna happen now? What does Joe think of this behavior right now? What was the first thought of the off-panel studying student upon being broken from his reverie by this of all things? There are only entertaining answers to any of these questions.

    1. Vivvav

      Basically, she thinks that her lecturing is going to make Joe change his ways and accept Jesus and give up sex until he finds his true love and gets married and even then only fuck to have babies.
      Yup. That’s it.

  17. Dedlok

    Panel 2: My Christian Senses are tingling!

  18. Aizat

    Let’s hope that Joyce didn’t lose her memory like in the .

    1. Aizat

      Last continuity. Sorry for the incomplete sentence.

      1. Canvas Hat

        No! Don’t cross the streams!

        1. Aizat

          I know, I know. Imagine all life as we know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

  19. Daeva

    It’s a comic with both Joe and Joyce. This catchphrase was BOUND to make an appearance. I’m just amazed it took this long.

  20. Kirby

    Leslie’s going to walk into the room and her brain is going to explode. XD

    (This IS Gender Studies, right?)

  21. Cyth

    Personally, my favorite will always be Futurama’s “pelvic penuchle” as a euphemism.

    1. Steven

      The horizontal monster mash!

  22. Clementine

    I read this just moments after viewing Sal and Billie a la Rule 34 courtesy of a link on David’s Twitter.

    Weirdest mental whiplash ever. Owie.

  23. NF

    Heh, I had wondered if Nachitos existed in the Dumbiverse.

  24. Kaci

    how does everyone get here so fast?! it’s not even 11:30 on the 21 my time and you can’t throw a comment without hitting a giant pile of comments!

    1. Canvas Hat

      I think the site updates in Eastern Time, so people in other time zones get here at midday for them. Or they just stay up nights.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        In my case, it updates at 13:31 Adelaide Time.

        1. Aizat

          In my case, updates at 12:00 noon Malaysian Time.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      That is because this webcomic updates Mon-Fri at 00:01 hours New York Time.

      1. Kaci

        I am constantly hitting reload right now having taken your advice I am SO READY

  25. Dierna

    Catch phrase ahoy!

  26. SCHOOP

    joe’s face
    everyday

    1. Jackson

      5: agree strongly

  27. Kamino Neko

    I…want to know what Joyce was going to say in the first panel.

    … What?

  28. A. Colunga

    Whats’it say on Joe’s shirt? CLAP?
    Is that a scarlet letter?

    1. Ancestral Hamster

      It’s slang for venereal disease. 😛

    2. Aizat

      It says CLASSY on Joe’s shirt.

      1. Meridian

        Cool! So Joe’s a Walking Oxymoron!

        In more ways than one!

    3. Blob Marley

      Looks like “CLASS”
      In the last panel, there’s a squiggle and a tail that look pretty S-like

  29. TK

    I dislike this aspect of Joyce. I always did. I disliked it when this comic was Roomies!

    Goddamn judgmental bongo. The fact that the manwhore is a manwhore is absolutely beside the point.

    And I must add for all you PC liberal wackos, if it was Walky (or some other male character) screaming that, I would call HIM a judgemental bongo as well! I am an equal opportunity hater.

    1. gangler

      I think we’re probably just about twenty years from bongo finally cementing its’ place as a gender neutral term. Gonna be sweet.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I rather be a bastard than a bongo, being a bastard feels more dominant somehow.

        1. gangler

          Oh for sure, bastard is almost complimentary. Someone who’s unpleasant to be around is a mere jerk. A bastard is like a jerk but somehow admirable for it. They’re like the anti-heroes of social interaction.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          For sure, but also, the fact I am also a bastard in the oldfashioned sense (born out of wedlock) makes it just perfect for me.

        3. gangler

          I wonder if that’ll even be outside of the norm by the time my generation has spawned a new batch of adults?

    2. A. Colunga

      Tbh we’d be angered since it would be out of character for Walky to do that.
      Manwhore is manwhore, judgmental is judgmental, and chill is chill. We watch the characters intermingle like colors in a painting. Not every color is your favorite, but each is necessary to make the masterpiece. @.@ *cue doves

    3. Jabberwocky

      She was raised in a conservative Christian environment, and maintains those values. So, um, of course she’s going to be judgmental bongo re: premarital sex. Since, y’know, that’s a big no-no in her moral system.

    4. MM

      I wasn’t under the impression it was supposed to be one of her likable qualities.

    5. ViviWannabe

      I kinda agree with you, TK.
      I have no problem whatsoever with religious or spiritual people. In fact, I used to date a Mormon guy in college and they are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I have nothing against their beliefs. To each their own. But when they start forcing their beliefs on me and tell me I’m going to hell for various reasons (premarital hanky panky, for example), that just pisses me off.

  30. Shifty

    Okay, I have to admit that the idea of someone screaming that in the middle of classroom is absolutely hilarious.

    That being said: I really hate Joyce at times like this. At moments like this she’s presenting herself as a bad Christian. Remember that whole “Judge not lest ye be Judged” that Jesus taught?

    1. Joebo

      But… but it’s one of her catchphrases…

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Love the new ava! 😀

        1. Joebo

          Thank you. (Windblown Joe for future reference)

    2. Meridian

      I gotta agree with you. I think it’s the stereotype that Christians are naive and foolish that irks me sometimes. Joyce takes that to the same extreme of the movie “Saved”, which tends to be a little frustrating sometimes.

      That said, Joyce has her good moments. Her innocence in reaching out to people like her roommate and others is endearing sometimes, and i feel as though some of the other characters could learn something from her in terms of opening up.

      Now if only she could put her “husband hunting as a part of her plan to become a baby factory” on hold and create a plan for her life.

      1. gangler

        It’s confusing because despite lack of naivete Christians choose a lifestyle with liberal doses of naive flavoring (show your love to everyone, turn the other cheek, live a life of kindness and compassion). Not necessarily naive, but sharing similar cosmetic appearances with naivete.

        And then there’s the way they often attribute their philosophies and actions to their God. Once again it doesn’t actually mean they’re unthinking pods who hold no opinions of their own. It really doesn’t mean that none of their opinions are thought out or given any consideration. It sure as hell doesn’t mean they’re gullible and just buy whatever they’re told, as such a person wouldn’t stick with a single religion anyway. Still, appearances. Hard to argue with “God said so”. They work through a very different and difficult to understand way of thinking, and you know how people are with people they don’t understand. It’s all too easy to just come up with an oversimplified and inherently flawed uncomplimentary explanation for why they are the way they are than actually work towards understanding an enigma.

        Stereotypes obviously play on these types of things. The thing is though, that stereotypes make fantastic comedic fodder, and when no one’s being oppressed there’s not really any problem here. At that point it’s really closer to the notion of a caricature than anything genuinely harmful. Let’s be real. We’ve still got a couple generations to go before we have to worry about Christians getting fair treatment in north america.

        Joyce in particular seems to be an excusable and well done case since her naivete has less to do with Christianity and more to do with her being Joyce. She grew up in a sheltered compound raised by what surely must have been genuinely certifiable individuals. Christian or not you come out the other end of that a little odd and a little naive. She’s in a college in the bible belt. She can’t be the only christian walking around. She’s certainly the only Joyce though.

        Imma be real for a moment here. Joyce probably makes me laugh aloud more than any other DoA cast member. Thus far she’s a purely comedic facet of the series. The girl can’t open her mouth without comedy coming out. If she hadn’t bumped into Joe I bet her thoughts on the nachito shelled tacos would have also been priceless. I sometimes wonder if she just writes herself that way because of her personality or if Dave takes extra effort to insert gags when he’s writing her dialogue.

    3. Jetstream

      Joyce IS a bad Christian, man! She’s a stand-in for every religious person you’ve ever met who doesn’t understand the point of their holy book, and only focuses on the bits she’s been told are the most important. She’s Sheeple. In Walky she eventually got over it. Maybe she will here too. Who knows?

      1. Shifty

        One thing that I thought of about Joyce’s reaction here is how bias it is most likely driven. I mean, with the exception of Walky, I’m willing to bet a majority of the friends she’s made have probably lost their virginity already to premarital hanky-panky. Its possible she’s being even more judgemental because of their failed date so no she feels even more justified to be a openly hostile, and in her mind, not look like the bad guy. After all she’s the “sweet virgin” and he’s the “evil manwhore”.

  31. Mindset

    This is the gender studies class, isn’t it? If so, the next couple in-comic minutes should blow Joyce’s mind.

  32. agentksilver

    Joyce has officially crossed the line into terrifying.

    Also there’s an ad full of Yo Mama jokes, so it looks like Walky is telling Dorothy that her mother is slow, and Joyce is raising her hand to tell the teacher that the teacher’s mother is fat.

  33. TemplarKnight

    Oh dear night, I am so using the last panel!

  34. Tom

    So when are you going to make the crazy christian drop down to earth? Kinda like in the movie Paul. This is just painful to watch.

  35. Sporkaganza

    Oh man, I remember this! Classic Roomies stuff.

  36. Plasma Mongoose

    You better keep your hands behind your back Joe or she will shoot you with her invisible pistols.

    1. Aizat

      Look out Joe, Joyce has the Spirit Gun.

  37. sun tzu

    Joyce sweetie, I generally like you more than Joe, but right now would be a great time to STFU.

  38. Heather

    Pretty funny! But on a serious note…

    Is it odd that she’s just focusing on the ‘premarital hanky panky’ rather than the filming aspect at all? (I mean wouldn’t most fundies hate that too?) I mean, personally I find both fine if you’re into that sort of thing, (though personally if some guy or girl filmed ME without my knowledge and put it on the net I’d be utterly pissed).

    But eh, she might mention the filming part in the next strip I suppose, like say he’s ‘corrupting’ the masses or something.

    1. gangler

      Can’t think of any part of my religious upbringing where they said you can’t take a camera into the bedroom. Damn they spent a lot of time on the “Don’t fuck before the marriage ceremony” dealy though. People screwing eachother is the poison. The rest is just the gravy that makes the poison taste good. Not actually harmful in its’ own right though so much as just delicious.

    2. Shifty

      There’s nothing in the bible about video taping sex, so I doubt Joyce has been told how she’s supposed to feel about that. So instead she fixated on the whole sex before marriage thing, which for Christian girls is pretty heavy handed taught in some cases.

  39. Animal

    What’s a Tumblr? /oldguy

    1. Jabberwocky

      Microblogging site. Pretty cool.

  40. AkuMetsu091

    Is he still wearing that “classy” teeshirt?

    1. Aizat

      Yes, yes he is.

    2. Joebo

      It is still the same day, so yes.

  41. katamanda

    Hopefully Leslie walks in and is like “Oooh interesting discussion topic!” and then Joyce will get the hiccups again from all the different pov’s she will hear.

  42. vlademir1

    I’d love to have that last panel on a t-shirt.

  43. Lokitsu

    God, I’ve missed that line.

    Thank you Willis.

  44. Spiffster13

    Oh Premarital-Hanky Panky… I’ve missed this line so much…

    😀

  45. Plasma Mongoose

    If Joyce ever found out that at least 9 out of 10 people she will see in college have engaged in PREMARITAL HANKY PANKY, the shit’s gonna hit the pan.

    1. gangler

      You really think it’s that many? If that’s real you kind of blew my mind there. I would have guessed like 3 out of 10 at most. That’s a whole lot of hanky panky.

      I mean, freshmen too? Were people canoodling in highschool?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        You’re saying that 7 out of 10 college aged students are still virgins?

        1. gangler

          I would assume so. I mean don’t get me wrong, most people have probably had sex by the time they come out the other end of college, but that’s not immediate upon entering campus. It’s not like they’ve got whores working their way through the student body during orientation. How would you even fit that in the budget?

          Keep in mind that the majority of the student body are freshmen on their first year. Between the one year programs and the dropouts it becomes quite disproportionate. 9 out of 10 students having already had premarital sex at any given moment would pretty much entail that most people have already had sex before entering campus.

          It’s an outrageously high number. I mean right now if I just look at the cast list we’ve got fifteen people on there and 4 are known to have had sex. That’s about 1 in 4, 2 in 8, or 2.5 in 10. That cast list isn’t even complete but it does have all our confirmed non-virgins. Sure, 9 out of 10 non-virgins at the time of graduation wouldn’t surprise me, but just as a whole sounds pretty outlandish.

          Then again I’ve never actually attended orientation. Maybe I’m missing out 😛

  46. Plasma Mongoose

    Hands up everyone who was born as the result of PREMARITAL HANKY PANKY!

  47. Steven

    I prefer this version of the comic:
    http://i141.photobucket.com/albums/r60/sukatokjolen/pmhp.jpg
    Oh Joyce, you’re such a joker. 😀

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      SURPRISE CLASS SEX? 😛

    2. Shifty

      Is she choking him or riding him?

      1. Malph

        Can’t it be both?

      2. Steven

        Yes.

    3. gangler

      The joe has just become the joed.

  48. Malph

    Joyce used Judgemental Hyper Voice!

    It’s a Critical Hit!

  49. Kernanator

    I was wondering when she would finally say this.

  50. Pingback: Kinsey distress and premarital Hanky Panky | // check this out //

  51. SgtNumnum

    Wally’s probably on the next flight to Toledo

    1. JohnnyO

      He’d have to fly to Detroit and then catch a bus or something down. Probably faster to go there directly. It’s like a 4 hour drive.

  52. JohnnyO

    Nachito taco shells would be the best thing to ever come out of Toledo.

  53. Vincent

    I don’t know what you heard about me
    But a Joyce can’t get a dollar out of me
    No Cadillac, no perms, you can’t see
    That I’m a motherfudging P-M-H-P

  54. Pingback: No more faith: the whys and why nots of my deconversion. - Dani Kelley

  55. Aisling

    I almost expected mike to pop up and hit joe in the face.

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