154

Quarterback
Posted on July 18, 2018 by David M Willis

154 thoughts on “Quarterback”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Wasn’t there, like, an owl? A really nice one? Superb, even!

    1. Catharcissism

      Yes, I believe it ate cereal from a really, really big, indestructible bowl. One might even say that bowl was “Super”.

    2. Furie

      https://youtu.be/mFlPxIxmego

  2. Inahc

    Okay, how many conspiracy theories can we generate about the 37? 😉

    1. Stephen Bierce

      It’s just Rule 34 after sales taxes are added to it.

    2. King Daniel

      Brent’s shirt is 37, Billie’s shirt is 97. 90 is 30×3. We know Billie’s mother has multiple affairs.

      Brent is Billie’s half-brother from her mother’s third relationship.

      1. Lokitsu

        Half Life 3 confirmed!

    3. CleverTrousers

      What is 6 x 9?

      1. Needfuldoer

        That should come out to exactly Ni.ce.

      2. Michael

        54. I don’t get it.

        1. Sambo

          You’re incorrect; the answer is 42.

        2. Lieutenant Dan

          …in base 13, of course.

    4. Doctor_Who

      From Clerks, right?

      It’s Willis’ way of hinting at what Brent and Mike might be getting up to.

      1. DrWattson

        In a row?!

        1. vlademir1

          So long as someone has asked this question I can rest easy at any implication of this number.

      2. de Combys

        Now is it his score or does that mean he’s Mike’s 37th?

      3. Needfuldoer

        They’re going to play hockey on the roof?

        1. LookingIn

          Well a form of hockey anyway 😉

        2. Deanatay

          Heh… tonsil hockey…

      4. ensiform

        The Clerks idea is the best one by far.

    5. Yumi

      He’s an undercover cop who is actually 37 years old. He really thought he’d be found out by now and is ready for another assignment, so he’s started dropping hints.

    6. MM

      It’s how many years of the strip in real time we can expect before we get to summer vacation.

    7. Nomothehomo

      david willis plus 2

    8. Lingo

      It’s actually “LE” upside down. Brent is French!

      1. not someone else

        Or Lawful Evil. Is Brent the one who winds up corrupting Mike fully to the dark side?!

        1. Meta

          Ooh, good one.

        2. Lingo

          But it’s upside down, so does that mean he’s actually Chaotic Good?

    9. Reltzik

      Ethan’s saying quarterback but 37 is a number for a defensive back or running back and so my conspiracy theory is that Willis doesn’t know sportsball well.

      …. okay, so that takes about 3 seconds to google and we all know Willis can research his stuff, so it’s Ethan who doesn’t know sportsball, but it’s not like facts or common sense ever get in the way of a conspiracy.

      1. Reltzik

        …. and retracting that earlier comment, because apparently rules are different for high school.

        New conspiracy theory: I don’t know sportsball well.

        …..

        SHUT UP IT IS TOO A CONSPIRACY YOU’RE IN ON IT AREN’T YOU?

      2. LookingIn

        rule regarding numbering only applies to the NFL…it’s traditional to wear 1-19 but it isn’t set in stone especially in high schools where you have to play both ways(offense and defense- get your minds out of the gutter!)

        1. Ana Chronistic

          could also be just a jersey, I mean even nonsportsball people wear them

        2. Ana Chronistic

          (was gonna dig out my Avalon hockey jersey but I’m too lazy)

    10. Blackbird

      This is strip #59 of Of Mike and Men
      59 + 37 = 96
      96 backwards is 69
      69 is… well, that one’s self-explanatory
      CONSPIRACY!!

      1. Schol-R-LEA

        I’m still waiting for strip #69 of Lawsome!>/i>. I’m guessing it’s gonna be a long wait.

    11. rasmodeus

      Brent had moved there from Nebraska, the 37th state.

    12. Wraithy2773

      …it could be a subtle joke to highlight Ethan and Amber’s ignorance.

      Assuming the school team uses the same numbering system as the NFL, not an awful bet, 37 indicates that he’s a Running Back or Defensive Back (#20-49), not a Quarterback (#1-19).

      It’s not a solid system, but given the joke in this strip, might be what Willis is going for :).

    13. hoop

      I got nothin’.

  3. Stephen Bierce

    Backfield In Motion
    I’m gonna have to penalize you baby
    Backfield In Motion
    You know that’s against the rules!

    1. Stephen Bierce

      And The Jester’s On The Sidelines In A Cast…

  4. Doctor_Who

    I know the word scrimmage!

    It’s when you carve things on shells, right? Not sure what it has to do with football, but they talk about it a lot.

    1. woobie

      So that’s what the Line of Scrimshaw is!

      1. Lokitsu

        I loved The Scrimshaw Redemption- fantastic movie!

        1. Agemegos

          And no-one had to get shanked.

    2. Freemage

      I refuse to believe that Ethan doesn’t know the term ‘tight end’, but he probably isn’t willing to admit that right at this point.

  5. Deathjavu

    Is Amber out of touch with the idea of friends, or are the quotation marks because she knows they’re something more?

    1. BBCC

      The patreon commentary says ‘just guys being pals’ so make of that what you will.

      1. Yumi

        “Just guys being bis.”

    2. TheStranger

      Already she’s writing slashfic about her acquaintances.

    3. not someone else

      I think this may be her slash goggles noticing hints that are actually there for once.

  6. tyranidswarm

    I wanna say “field-line” is another football word. Yes? No?

    1. Inahc

      well, they play on a field, and it has lines on it, so… fuck if I know 🙂

    2. Norah

      No; but “sidelines” is.

      1. Inahc

        oh! “field goal” is a thing, right? and touchdown.

        1. Reltzik

          Those are both things, yes. But when the ball is on the defenders’ 1-yard line, what you’re supposed to be rooting for is a safety.

        2. Tan

          A safety when the ball is on the defenders’ 1-yard line is unlikely (though not impossible) and not what anyone would be hoping for (the offensive team would be hoping for a touchdown, and the defensive team would be hoping for a turnover)

          It is when the ball is on the offense’s 1-yard line that the defense would be hoping for a safety

        3. Reltzik

          Yup! But what I really want to see a safety from the defender’s 1-yard line, because you know that would live in legend and blooper rolls FOR-E-VER.

  7. Lilyliv

    The last panel is too real.

  8. Passchendaele

    Brent has one strong eyebrow game, at least

  9. tim gueguen

    Ethan was disappointed when he learned that dressage wasn’t a football word.

  10. butts

    …why did that panel of them walking away have to be from that angle

    you’re not giving me much to work with here, willis

    1. butts

      …wait never mind that kid’s, like, 15 or whatever

      whoops

      1. Schpoonman

        You be satisfied with your assortment of Joyce butts.

        1. butts

          I needs me more butts, mate

          At the very least I need a good Ethan or Jacob

  11. Alexx

    And if you combine the two, you get Quarterback Gatorade, which honestly does sound like a flavor of Gatorade. Anyone try Quarterback? Wait… I don’t wana know.

    1. King Daniel

      I heard in some states if you recycle the bottle, you get up to a quarter back.

      1. brionl

        Quarterback is five times better than a Nickleback, right?

        1. Roborat

          Anything is five time better than Nicklback. Well, except for Twilight and 50 shades, they are both worse.

        2. Batman

          Twilight + 50 shades = nickleback

        3. Roborat

          Twilight & 50 Shades crossover movie + Nickleback soundtrack=the apocalypse.

        4. das-g

          Silly Americans. Even have crazy units for money. In the SI, clearly Quarterback is five times as muchfar back as Twentiethback.

  12. shadowcell

    i feel like Ethan and Amber should like football, though. like, a few years ago they were arguing over whether Jimmy Graham was still a tight end or if he’d hooked up with Drew Brees so many times he was now a wide receiver.

    1. King Daniel

      …what

    2. MM

      Familiarity with RPF slash and sports are two separate things. I mean, half the time, the former involves the players as pirates or coffee shop employees or something else that has nothing to do with their actual jobs.

      1. Jon Rich

        RPF?

        1. Deadjolras

          Real Person Fic, fanfiction written about actual people.

        2. Clif

          Just down the road from RPF slashfic and lawsuit city.

  13. BBCC

    Guy love, between two guys~

  14. Kernanator

    Guess Amber doesn’t read Eyeshield 21.

    1. Deadjolras

      Hiruma is the superior evil blond. It is known.

  15. LeslieBean4Shizzle

    Really young Amber and Ethan? You’re counting Gatorade as a sports term? I call foul – Gatorade and its more modern cousin Powerade are delicious ways to stay hydrated any time. Have a cold and need to push fluids? Perfect. Just had to be outside in 90 degree weather for half an hour running errands or doing yard work? Gatorade’s gotcha covered.
    … this comment is not sponsored by either Gatorade or Powerade. And I have made myself thirsty.

    1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      … just finished “being friends” with someone under the bleachers and need to re-hydrate? Nothing better than Powerade.
      (still not sponsored…)

    2. Inahc

      that reminds me, I need some electrolytes right now. 🙂

      1. Dean

        Is it the electrolytes that make it taste like battery acid?

        1. Inahc

          probably. it is a bit of an odd taste – part of it is salt.

        2. insomniac

          Electrolytes are WHAT PLANTS CRAVE!

        3. vlademir1

          As with my post way up near the top about that number, I can rest easy knowing someone said this in response to electrolytes being mentioned.

        4. Schol-R-LEA

          They’re what plants crave (not really).

    3. Keulen

      I usually prefer water or pop.

    4. woobie

      Powerade is more recent. Not more modern.

    5. CJ

      I’d like it more if they left out sugar and sweeteners.
      Over here, Gatorade is very 1980ties, I know we have a sliding timeline, but …?

    6. not someone else

      I was under the impression Powerade was just crappy-tasting neon sugar? Generally when an actual medical person suggests extreme hydration in my presence they specify Gatorade and Only Gatorade (and sometimes Only Original Flavor Gatorade).

      1. Pat

        When I was sick as a kid, my doctor specifically told my mother to buy Powerade “because kids usually like it better than Gatorade.”

        I dunno. Maybe they were paying her.

      2. Inahc

        Last time I read the ingredients, they were pretty similar. But maybe the recipe is different in other countries, like with coke and mountain dew? (I tried caffeinated mountain dew for the first time recently, and ended up feeling sick and going home early)

        1. CJ

          At least the German versions differ a lot. Both have about the same amount of carbohydrates, though Gartorade somehow only counts parts of it a sugar.
          Gatorade has lots of phosphates and uses sucralose and Acesulfam as sweeteners, Powerade uses Aspertam instead of Sucralose.
          (As I said, if they left out the sweeteners, it might be drinkable).

        2. Inahc

          Oh, eew. I don’t think the Canadian version uses artificial sweeteners.

    7. hof1991

      Gatorade – designed for the University (sic) of Florida football team. Later popularized, but named for the Floridah Gators.

      1. Stephen Bierce

        Oddly enough, in Florida there is, or at least used to be, a rival sportball drink called 10-K or Ten-K, which had endorsements from most of the NCAA school head coaches from when I was in school (Bobby Bowden, Steve Spurrier, et al).

  16. DailyBrad

    I think when puberty hits, Ethan’s just going to pop his head off of the balljoint and attach it to his new, swole body.

    1. Tacos

      So like a Titan Master/Headmaster?

  17. Wright

    Baby Amber is adorable.

    And now I’m secretly wishing that Willis writes a spin-off comic similar to Muppet Babies. It can be called, I dunno, “Dumb Babies.” Galasso can play Nanny.

    1. 3oranges

      Would that make this football player Baby Brent? Uh oh! A baby shouldn’t be playing such games, they’d be much better as a mascot.

  18. Tacos

    The only important word you need to know for this sport is “hand-egg.”

  19. Yumi

    My favorite football term is “moral victory.” As in, “It was a moral victory for the Detroit Lions.”
    My mom says that a lot during football season.

  20. Keulen

    I guess Ethan learned the football term “tight end” sometime later.

  21. Agemegos

    Let’s see….

    * 37 is a prime number.

    * three times 37 makes 111, the Number of God, which indicates the Holy Trinity. Brent is one third of the Trinity, i.e. one of the persons of the Godhead.

    * in the movie “Rain Man”, one of Dustin Hoffman’s character’s lines was “Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven. Thirty-seven.” This revealed that he was a lightning calculator. So probably Brent is too.

    1. Usayasha

      Okay but does Theory #2 make Brent the Father, the Son, or the Holy Ghost?
      His age would indicate he’s the Son, but then again Danny Phantom was just 14 so being a ghost boy isn’t too out there.

  22. Tawdry Quirks

    Wait, Amber would know another sportsball-related word: Tailgate.

  23. Felgraf

    Wait that looks like one of Ramona’s evil ex-boyfriends.

    1. JessWitt

      Give or take a 7. And his name does resemble “Brandon Routh”.

  24. JessWitt

    Huh I just drank Gatorade before reading this. Happy coincidence.

  25. stoodmuffin

    Jesus

  26. C.

    Is 37 an actual number Quarterbacks would use?

    1. Reltzik

      No. Quarterback numbers top out at 19.

      1. Reltzik

        Actually, wait, with a bit more googling it turns out that’s NFL-only, and college and high school follow different rules. So, yes, 37 could be a quarterback.

        1. Matticus

          Yeah, in elementary- and middle-school flag football you just kind of pick a jersey in your size, and the number doesn’t really matter.

        2. Clif

          Neither does whether it really fits or not.

        3. Matticus

          Yup, with things usually erring on the side of “too big.”

  27. Benet

    I know some football terms too! 😀

    Handball
    Offside
    Penalty shoot out
    The ref needs glasses

    1. NickG

      Don’t forget ‘Who’s the bastard in the black”

    2. Rowen Morland

      Leg before wicket.

  28. BenRG

    As someone who is entirely sport-atheistic, I say that Ethan and Amber should embrace their lack of understanding and interest of both sports and the associated social climbing.

  29. NinjaNick

    Golden boys.

  30. Delicious Taffy

    Which one will be the “first down”, do you think?

  31. Ainara

    Turns out that guy isn’t a quarterback, he’s just some buff kid who likes wearing sports shirts.

    1. abysswatcher1993

      Mike leaves after that revelation. “Sorry, but I need a good future, and working on a toy store isn’t an option.”

  32. BassBone

    In a row?!

    1. insomniac

      I understood that reference.

  33. smarterfarter

    If his number is really 37, he is not a quarterback. If he is a quarterback, his number will be between 1 and 19. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uniform_number_(American_football)

  34. Jimmy

    37 is the age I will be in November. Coincidence? I think not!

  35. Bagge

    Mike and Brent have matching haircuts. I approve.

    1. vlademir1

      They’re good haircuts Brant and Mike have. 😀

    2. ShinyNeen

      Jock Hair x Two-Dimensional Hair is my new favorite ship!

  36. David Doty

    Ugh. I figured the hovertext had to be a lie, and I wound up learning about Rule 37 Damn you, Willis!

    1. Clif

      Willis failed to disclose the conspiracy, a clear violation of rule 37. Even Amber is a violation.

      1. Clif

        To save people the trouble of looking it up, there are multiple rule 37s. One of them relates to disclosure during discovery; one is basically that you can come up with a lame conspiracy theory for anything. And a final one is that everyone on the Internet is a guy. Which seems weirdly appropriate given the chapter title.

        1. David Doty

          That’s actually better than the Rule 37 I found. The page I located claimed it was “There are no girls on the Internet. Ever.”

  37. David Doty

    And technically, “football” is a football related term.

  38. Schpoonman

    Last panel reminds me of when Walky and Becky met, and the bit about how there’s really only one fart joke.

  39. Scott

    Given the #37 on that guys chest, that would mean he is either a Running back or a Defensive back. Quarterbacks are 1-19

    1. Matticus

      That might be less of an issue at the middle school level. If I remember my tenure in flag football correctly (which I probably don’t), you kind of just pick whatever number you want from whichever jerseys fit you. I remember always going after #50 because my cousin was #50 on the high school team, even though I played a lineman.*

      *Linebackers are traditionally numbered in the 50s, though that isn’t a hard-set rule now. Offensive linemen tend to be in the 60s or 70s, and defensive linemen are usually 90s.

  40. C.T Phipps

    So, will Mike have sex with his mom?

    1. abysswatcher1993

      For a nickel.

      1. Clif

        Afterwards, sure.

  41. MutantSentry

    In the Illuminatus! Trilogy the number 5 lies at the heart of all conspiracies. 3+7 is 10, which is two fives. Brett’s parents are both high level members of the Illuminati.

  42. Rachel

    Ok I can’t quite put my finger on why, but Brent looks eerily like Ryan to me…. -shivers-

  43. abysswatcher1993

    Amber already knows about gay shipping, so she is more aware than Ethan in this moment of time.

  44. ARoseJess

    I can relate to the whole football thing…I’ve accidentally picked up slightly more than they have, but on the whole it baffles me. I did however pick up a top…more for yard work than anything else, and it was emblazoned with the logo of a pro football team… You have no idea how many conversations that started… and how mostly unwelcome they were…it was a poor choice sartorially. Football fans are weird.

  45. Daibhid C

    My two football related words are “centre-forward” and “offside”.

    And yes, despite caring about neither sport, I have Opinions on what “football” without any modifiers should mean.

    1. Khno

      my football related terms are numerous because I am so cultured:
      ball / shoe / helmet / jersey / grass / foot / hand / running

  46. ARoseJess

    Don’t worry I meant that to apply to any/all forms of football. 😉 Not just American. Because I’ve had this “argument” without caring anything about the various types and balls involved…I usually just lump it all into “Sportball” meaning having some sort of competition involving a ball, that will at some point either involve someone telling me how great it is, how great they were at playing it or what I should be thinking about a given team. 😉 There other sports that do not involve a ball, which also fall under my sportball umbrella. 🙂 I do not mind sportball, some could be fun, if one wanted to engage in that…but I really have no desire to be a sportball fan. I do not think less of others for being participants or fans, I just have no passion for it.

    1. Clif

      You unspeakable villain, how dare you scorn the basis of civilized society.

      Back in the day, I always kept a couple of long set pieces on chess I could launch into in retaliation.

  47. Dana

    Insert American football/association football joke.

    1. Dana

      That was barely going to be a good comment when it was a properly placed reply. Never mind.

  48. Smooti

    My theory right now is Mike is trying to make Ethan jealous, as he has a crush on Ethan, but Ethan isn’t aware of his own feelings since. Yknow. Gonna be in the closet until prom night.

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