The driver has engaged the self-drive system and has gone to sleep. He doesn’t know a semi driver going the opposite direction has done the same thing.
They better tip well for the service to begin with, and then tip extra for having to listen to their shit for two hours.
This is already going to be around a $300+ (gross) trip for the driver, and at least $400+ out of pocket for Sarah (estimated on what I can find about how much Uber pays it’s drivers for both time and miles and how much they on average charge beyond that). Give the guy an extra $50 to $60 for that as a base tip for the trouble of driving so far, then give him about as much again for having to listen to your asses all the way there.
Sarah isn’t paying for this, Carla’s corporate account is
Decidedly Orthogonal
That doesn’t absolve one from tipping decently.
Argyle in Die Hard knew the way, “just remember that when you sign for the tip.”
Delicious Taffy
I would assume any tip is also coming from Carla’s corporate account, considering the express reason Sarah’s not paying for the ride is that she can’t afford something so extravagant.
“Just keep yer mouth shut, it’s only for another hour. That shit ain’t worth putting your foot into, not for what you’re getting paid. Just focus on the road, hope they don’t notice you…”
I remember people complaining about how much of that trip was on Indiana “highways” rather than Interstate highways. But looking on google maps, I’m not understanding why they didn’t just take I-69. I remember seeing I-69 back when I was going to a different college in Indiana, and thus needing to drive through or around Indianapolis.
Yummy! ? with the works of ketchup mustard and A1 SAUCE!!!
Clif
I like a variety. Lettuce and tomato are basic. Good additions are onions, bacon, mushrooms, avacodo, cabage, pineapple, pickles, peppers, grilled cheese, swiss cheese, spicy mustard, mayo sauce, Barbecue sauce, chili. Except, you know, probably not all at the same time.
No filthy red ichor, aka ketchup.
Decidedly Orthogonal
Apple slices with a dark smoked cheddar.
But I’m not a fanatic. I generalize and like to try different things.
Decidedly Orthogonal
Oh also: fried egg and or a grilled split weiner.
Shadowsnail
I feel uneasy about pineapple with mustard. Let’s go with pineapple, teriyaki sauce, grilled mushrooms, and a white cheese.
Raw purple onion, grilled / carmelized spanish or yellow onion.
Or deep fried onion rings.
OOOHHH last night I got a Onion Ring Poutine! I kept digging, thinking it was a few onion rings on top of fries (as a flavour topping). NOPE! It was onion rings all the way down! ?? Like a french onion soup, but heartier. I had the remaineder for breakfast.
If I’m going to a bar and grill with options or cooking at home, I like Swiss cheese, sauteed mushrooms & onions, spicy mustard, and mayo or garlic aioli
Or I also like a classic burger with mayo, ketchup, mustard tomato, pickle, red onion (I often skip the lettuce for sensory reasons) – cheese optional – I also like those toppings but with burger sauce instead (basically the sauce that’s on a big Mac)
Grilled onions. Or sometimes fried onions, but probably not onion rings. Swiss cheese is probably the best cheese for burgers IMO, though I’ll admit there are certain contexts where American makes more sense. Chili is also good, maybe with some mustard on the top bun. Once upon a time I hated mustard and ate burgers with just ketchup, nowadays I don’t like ketchup without mustard with it. Sometimes just leftovers of whatever I ate the day before will intrigue me as a possibility, and sometimes I don’t regret it. You also can’t go wrong with green chiles, unless you got a bad batch of green chiles in which case you can absolutely go wrong. There was a restaurant near me that sold burgers with Al Pastor pork as a topping on them, but unfortunately they opened right before March 2020 and were never really able to turn a profit so they shut down.
Just Catch up for me please! Though I am trying to stop eating beef. Today, I passed a farm with a small heard of grazing cows. They looked very cute and very sweet and oh so delicious – my heart was both melted and torn.
Vegetarian who likes burgers here. A lot of the artificial meats are getting pretty good — to the point where they come very close to matching my memories (from 20+ years ago) of what real burgers taste like.
Reltzik
Not trying to pressure you or anything… just, you know, if you want to have a burger without having a cow…
True Survivor
Helpful advice, promoting green biotech solutions, and puns. I like you already, internet stranger.
King Daniel
It’s good to know that you don’t have a beef with our Resident Chief Punner.
Needfuldoer
I tried a couple of those, just out of curiosity. They weren’t bad, except for the eye-popping amount of salt they put in that stuff.
Delicious Taffy
But if you didn’t oversaturate it with salt, stupid people would freak out.
Needfuldoer
Without the salt, it probably wouldn’t taste as much like real meat. Then you might as well just make regular veggie burgers that don’t try to pretend they’re something they aren’t.
And of course, MSG is ScArY because of xenophobic myths, so we can’t use that either. (MSG Makes Stuff Good!)
I’m all for things not pretending to be something they’re not, especially when it comes to food.
I hadn’t heard about the MSG thing though, what the heck is that? I could just Google “MSG xenophobic”, but with zero context I’m liable to find weird answers.
Delicious Taffy
Oh, it’s because Asian people existed within a hundred miles of it a hundred years ago and white people needed another excuse to whine and gripe and point fingers at them.
This episode of NPR’s This American Life tells the story of how MSG gots its bad rep! it’s the first segment (20min-ish?) it’s pretty good! the other two stories are neat too =)
same, i make my own patties by frying a mix of (pre-cooked) red lentils, finely chopped onion, flour and spices. plus whatever ingredient sparks my fancy on a given day, like mushrooms, olives, dried tomatoes…
Ooo, I like a LOT of different types of burgers with different toppings.
My default is usually Swiss cheese, sautéed mushrooms/onions, avocado, lettuce, ketchup, mayonnaise, and a pinch of cayenne pepper. But not just any kind of mayonnaise, it has to be Kewpie OMG. Kewpie is THE BEST.
272 thoughts on “Quit”
Ana Chronistic
“YOU DON’T GET TO BE A LITTLE SHIT IF I CAN’T BE A BIG SHIT”
wait no
Needfuldoer
“Tough shit!”
Decidedly Orthogonal
No shit!
SylntSyco
Oh shit.
Ana Chronistic
I was trying to work out, “You can’t just dump your shit if I have to make my shit work!” but idk
Deanatay
Shit-ling rivalry? No.
Soul shit-sters? No.
Shit is thicker than water? Maybe…
milu
if your shit isn’t thicker than water, be worried.
Jungle Dwayne
One of my… how to put it… bathroom performances this week says otherwise.
Delicious Taffy
This is why we don’t raid Nana’s medicine drawer for snacks.
Doctor_Who
Zoomr driver: total silence.
Five stars!
Thag Simmons
Look he’s not getting paid enough to care.
Clif
The driver has engaged the self-drive system and has gone to sleep. He doesn’t know a semi driver going the opposite direction has done the same thing.
milu
Soon, the inevitable happens: they pass each other by.
nothri
Alas never to know that they were one another’s soul mates. Like two ships passing alone in the night…except its smart cars.
Decidedly Orthogonal
SmartCars, or smart … cars?
newlland(Henryvolt)
They better tip that guy too for putting up with this bickering.
vlademir1
They better tip well for the service to begin with, and then tip extra for having to listen to their shit for two hours.
This is already going to be around a $300+ (gross) trip for the driver, and at least $400+ out of pocket for Sarah (estimated on what I can find about how much Uber pays it’s drivers for both time and miles and how much they on average charge beyond that). Give the guy an extra $50 to $60 for that as a base tip for the trouble of driving so far, then give him about as much again for having to listen to your asses all the way there.
milu
Sarah isn’t paying for this, Carla’s corporate account is
Decidedly Orthogonal
That doesn’t absolve one from tipping decently.
Argyle in Die Hard knew the way, “just remember that when you sign for the tip.”
Delicious Taffy
I would assume any tip is also coming from Carla’s corporate account, considering the express reason Sarah’s not paying for the ride is that she can’t afford something so extravagant.
Deanatay
“Just keep yer mouth shut, it’s only for another hour. That shit ain’t worth putting your foot into, not for what you’re getting paid. Just focus on the road, hope they don’t notice you…”
StClair
god, this, so much.
Sirksome
Geez it must be a long way to Muncie.
Doctor_Who
2 hours 14 minutes, from U of I to Ball State, apparently.
So Joyce was pretty much correct, 4 hour trip.
Thag Simmons
Two-and-a-half hours according to google maps. Which ain’t that long but it’s long enough for some awkward arguments.
Needfuldoer
It’s been a long road, getting from there to here.
Some Ed
I remember people complaining about how much of that trip was on Indiana “highways” rather than Interstate highways. But looking on google maps, I’m not understanding why they didn’t just take I-69. I remember seeing I-69 back when I was going to a different college in Indiana, and thus needing to drive through or around Indianapolis.
The Wellerman
? Okay, I’m not touching this one with a 10 foot pole.
you wanna talk about your favorite burger toppings?
Yumi
Pineapple.
The Wellerman
Yummy! ? with the works of ketchup mustard and A1 SAUCE!!!
Clif
I like a variety. Lettuce and tomato are basic. Good additions are onions, bacon, mushrooms, avacodo, cabage, pineapple, pickles, peppers, grilled cheese, swiss cheese, spicy mustard, mayo sauce, Barbecue sauce, chili. Except, you know, probably not all at the same time.
No filthy red ichor, aka ketchup.
Decidedly Orthogonal
Apple slices with a dark smoked cheddar.
But I’m not a fanatic. I generalize and like to try different things.
Decidedly Orthogonal
Oh also: fried egg and or a grilled split weiner.
Shadowsnail
I feel uneasy about pineapple with mustard. Let’s go with pineapple, teriyaki sauce, grilled mushrooms, and a white cheese.
Doctor_Who
I got a Five Guys near me now, so any place that doesn’t offer grilled mushrooms will forever be a disappointment.
StClair
Same.
Rose by Any Other Name
New York Cheddar Cheese
Thag Simmons
Cheese and Lettuce are basically mandatory.
Yotomoe
Cheese. Kinda basic but a burger without cheese is a burger I don’t wanna eat.
anonymsly
Guacamole!
BarerMender
Must have raw onion. Also, either ketchup or else mayo and lettuce. Hold the pickles. Mushrooms? Bacon? You’re crazy.
Deanatay
Raw onion? Neh.
Grilled onion? Yeh!
John Lennerton
Both.
Decidedly Orthogonal
Raw purple onion, grilled / carmelized spanish or yellow onion.
Or deep fried onion rings.
OOOHHH last night I got a Onion Ring Poutine! I kept digging, thinking it was a few onion rings on top of fries (as a flavour topping). NOPE! It was onion rings all the way down! ?? Like a french onion soup, but heartier. I had the remaineder for breakfast.
StClair
Neither.
Reltzik
I almost always top my burgers with half of a bun.
Yotomoe
Is it weird to say that I would totally accept a burger with only the bottom bun?
Clif
It’s only weird if you take the top bun off yourself.
Wizard
Just call it “low carb”.
Reltzik
Open-faced sandwiches aren’t the norm, but they’re far from unheard of?
Jflb96
Yank-style smörgåsbord? I can see it.
Robbie
If I’m going to a bar and grill with options or cooking at home, I like Swiss cheese, sauteed mushrooms & onions, spicy mustard, and mayo or garlic aioli
Or I also like a classic burger with mayo, ketchup, mustard tomato, pickle, red onion (I often skip the lettuce for sensory reasons) – cheese optional – I also like those toppings but with burger sauce instead (basically the sauce that’s on a big Mac)
Delicious Taffy
Mayo, ketchup, tomato, grilled onions, bacon, cheese, and more tomato.
misanthropope
if it ain’t tomato season, make mine a cheesesteak.
RassilonTDavros
Grilled onions. Or sometimes fried onions, but probably not onion rings. Swiss cheese is probably the best cheese for burgers IMO, though I’ll admit there are certain contexts where American makes more sense. Chili is also good, maybe with some mustard on the top bun. Once upon a time I hated mustard and ate burgers with just ketchup, nowadays I don’t like ketchup without mustard with it. Sometimes just leftovers of whatever I ate the day before will intrigue me as a possibility, and sometimes I don’t regret it. You also can’t go wrong with green chiles, unless you got a bad batch of green chiles in which case you can absolutely go wrong. There was a restaurant near me that sold burgers with Al Pastor pork as a topping on them, but unfortunately they opened right before March 2020 and were never really able to turn a profit so they shut down.
Never fries, though. Never ever.
Sam
All toppings are rejected except for cheese.
True Survivor
Just Catch up for me please! Though I am trying to stop eating beef. Today, I passed a farm with a small heard of grazing cows. They looked very cute and very sweet and oh so delicious – my heart was both melted and torn.
Reltzik
Vegetarian who likes burgers here. A lot of the artificial meats are getting pretty good — to the point where they come very close to matching my memories (from 20+ years ago) of what real burgers taste like.
Reltzik
Not trying to pressure you or anything… just, you know, if you want to have a burger without having a cow…
True Survivor
Helpful advice, promoting green biotech solutions, and puns. I like you already, internet stranger.
King Daniel
It’s good to know that you don’t have a beef with our Resident Chief Punner.
Needfuldoer
I tried a couple of those, just out of curiosity. They weren’t bad, except for the eye-popping amount of salt they put in that stuff.
Delicious Taffy
But if you didn’t oversaturate it with salt, stupid people would freak out.
Needfuldoer
Without the salt, it probably wouldn’t taste as much like real meat. Then you might as well just make regular veggie burgers that don’t try to pretend they’re something they aren’t.
And of course, MSG is ScArY because of xenophobic myths, so we can’t use that either. (MSG Makes Stuff Good!)
milu
haha that’s catchy =D
Delicious Taffy
I’m all for things not pretending to be something they’re not, especially when it comes to food.
I hadn’t heard about the MSG thing though, what the heck is that? I could just Google “MSG xenophobic”, but with zero context I’m liable to find weird answers.
Delicious Taffy
Oh, it’s because Asian people existed within a hundred miles of it a hundred years ago and white people needed another excuse to whine and gripe and point fingers at them.
Needfuldoer
Yup, that’s the one. :/
milu
This episode of NPR’s This American Life tells the story of how MSG gots its bad rep! it’s the first segment (20min-ish?) it’s pretty good! the other two stories are neat too =)
thejeff
That’s my problem with them as well.
milu
same, i make my own patties by frying a mix of (pre-cooked) red lentils, finely chopped onion, flour and spices. plus whatever ingredient sparks my fancy on a given day, like mushrooms, olives, dried tomatoes…
Doki
Ooo, I like a LOT of different types of burgers with different toppings.
My default is usually Swiss cheese, sautéed mushrooms/onions, avocado, lettuce, ketchup, mayonnaise, and a pinch of cayenne pepper. But not just any kind of mayonnaise, it has to be Kewpie OMG. Kewpie is THE BEST.
Doki