…It was basically exactly like this for me. Liking boys never really stood out to me as something I had to cram into my identity right away. I guess I never found the time to completely get acquainted with the fact, even after I had been seeing my boyfriend for a while.
But then before I know it, I’m standing there, halfway ready for the big date – the first real date with my most treasured partner, gosh, and my first date ever, and– and then the choice of word hits me, like, inevitably. A boy? It’s almost like I didn’t expect it. We’d been through thick and thin together, we were close enough to eachother to know for sure that we really wanted to do things like dinners and going out and having experiences together, and then about half an hour before the arrangement it’s like I had to do a double take and just wonder how this happened. How strange! A gay date! It’s going to be a dude on the other side of the table! Inexplicable. This could not have been foreseen.
It’s as if this post, being by someone other than Ana Chronistic, were out of place in some indescribable way. Like it doesn’t jibe with our current reality.
It’s probably a result of social conditioning, we see dates all the time on TV and its always heterosexual couples going to dinner and a movie, despite the fact a movie is a terrible way to get to know someone.
Though I suppose an argument could be made you can judge their taste based on the movie they pick, or how they respond to yours.
I think the movie is a way to easily give you a shared experience, it’s bonding without having to do too much.
Plus society used to really frown on being alone together, not to mention having an option to make out, so, a socially-acceptable dark room may be a plus.
wwwhhattt
Unrelated to what you`re actually saying (sorry!), but even though it makes no sense in the context I can`t stop seeing “way to easily” as a typo of “way too easily”. It`s important everyone knows this, honest.
I mean, the only bad part about it is the order. It should be a movie, then dinner, as you’ll have something to talk about during dinner, and you’ll probably be hungry from only having had candy/popcorn for the last two hours.
Also, in regards to gay dating, I mean . . . yes, societal norms may make it weird for you for fifteen minutes before you start enjoying yourself/panicking that your date is miles out of your league, but fifteen minutes of awkwardness is preferable to a lifetime of disappointment in your life choices, methinks.
Felian
… also it’s not like you’re NOT being awkward at hetero first dates for the first fifteen minutes 😉
thejeff
That’s why I prefer to skip the first date and move straight into the relationship. Skips the awkwardness.
Kind of like Ruth and Billie did. Though preferably without the sexual assault and the suicide pact.
I don’t know; I have fond remembrances of going out for a coffee or what until like 2 am with friends to completely dissect the symbolism of a movie after having seen it. Mind you, helped that most of us had art or theatre backgrounds, one way or another.
Sadly, the last movie I saw that really had some symbolic meat in the details that one could get one’s teeth into was Bram Stoker’s Dracula in 1992 (some great symbolism there is the little details, like Lucy’s costumes being decorated with snakes, or being inspired by lizards–very reptile-themed, while Mina’s had leaves on most of hers)–until I just watched The Shape of Water the day before last, which is fantastic and also which has some absolutely wonderful symbolism with the use of colour etc that I can finally really sink my teeth into again.
Geez, dudes, really? Guy lays out his heart and shares how this same experience felt, and you’re gonna just completely ignore that for that tired “you’re not Jen Aside/Ana Vhronisitic” joke? She doesn’t make the first comment every day, anyway.
But CC, thanks for sharing that – it makes me feel a little better to see such a reaction in a more neutral fashion; I can’t shake the feeling that Billie is going to springboard this revelation into freaking out and breaking up with Ruth. That whole “wait, gay? Uh, no, not me!” And given that Billie is ditzy enough to not believe in the concept of bisexuality, that doesn’t seem like an unfounded fear, but I appreciated your story as an example of such a realization leading to honest reflection.
I had a weird backwards version of this. “Coming out” as a lesbian was no big deal–But when I fell in love with a man, years after establishing my sexual identity? THAT threw me. I had a panic attack the first time we kissed because I could not rationalize my former identity with my new reality. I have a hard time explaining to people that I feel queer, but I’m married to a dude. Nowadays I just refer them to Erika Moen’s DAR.
As a trans person who (pretty much for that reason) hadn’t started dating seriously until well into adulthood, I kinda had that experience more than once. “Holy shit, I’m in an *actual* relationship with an *actual girl*.” “Oh my god, I’m flirting with a guy who *knows I’m a guy*.”
Who opens the door? Who drives? Who stays home and takes care of the kids? WHO TAKES THE ROLE OF THE GENDER NOT PRESENT!?!
-Actual quote from my brother when talking about a date with a guy-
Alex Denton
That’s why representation is important, so people aren’t lost 🙂
reminds me of that silly tumblr thread where they were saying when gay men have to both pay for the bill (so the obvious solution is to fight to the death for it) while gay women don’t have to pay at all but they can’t sit down because no one pulled a chair out for them :p
Dear gods, you’d think the people involved in saying such nonsense, if serious, had either never experienced an actual date or else had grown up in the most insular traditionalist communities on the planet and never left.
okay but real talk a lot of my early girl on girl experiences were like… both of us leaning into the kiss 10% and then just sitting there, like… well, shit. We did figure it out eventually, generally.
I know we met her sorta-ex from highschool, I am curious if they just never formally dated, like her thing with Ruth so far, or if they did, and this is a “haven’t done this since-” thing.
I am thinking the former, just for Walky’s “I guess drama is sexually transmitted” or something like that. been a while since I’ve seen that punchline, so I don’t remember the exact phrasing. got the impression Billie let them down in a big way, so probably not a formal relationship.
Billie’s never thought of herself as a lesbian, or even a bisexual. She’s a normal hetero girl, who, As All Girls Do (as she once explained to Joyce, causing one of Joyce’s Three Great Freak-Out Faces), occasionally gets ‘bi-curious’ but IS NOT A GAY. Going on a Date with Ruth would officially contravene that, IN PUBLIC.
184 thoughts on “Real”
CandidCanid
…It was basically exactly like this for me. Liking boys never really stood out to me as something I had to cram into my identity right away. I guess I never found the time to completely get acquainted with the fact, even after I had been seeing my boyfriend for a while.
But then before I know it, I’m standing there, halfway ready for the big date – the first real date with my most treasured partner, gosh, and my first date ever, and– and then the choice of word hits me, like, inevitably. A boy? It’s almost like I didn’t expect it. We’d been through thick and thin together, we were close enough to eachother to know for sure that we really wanted to do things like dinners and going out and having experiences together, and then about half an hour before the arrangement it’s like I had to do a double take and just wonder how this happened. How strange! A gay date! It’s going to be a dude on the other side of the table! Inexplicable. This could not have been foreseen.
Black
You’re not Ana Chronistic!
Doctor_Who
Let’s see who he really is, gang!
(Rips off face)
A skull! It was Skeletor all along!
TJ
Well Spotted!
It’s as if this post, being by someone other than Ana Chronistic, were out of place in some indescribable way. Like it doesn’t jibe with our current reality.
MatthewTheLucky
Like it was from another time…
Shade
It’s probably a result of social conditioning, we see dates all the time on TV and its always heterosexual couples going to dinner and a movie, despite the fact a movie is a terrible way to get to know someone.
Though I suppose an argument could be made you can judge their taste based on the movie they pick, or how they respond to yours.
Leorale
I think the movie is a way to easily give you a shared experience, it’s bonding without having to do too much.
Plus society used to really frown on being alone together, not to mention having an option to make out, so, a socially-acceptable dark room may be a plus.
wwwhhattt
Unrelated to what you`re actually saying (sorry!), but even though it makes no sense in the context I can`t stop seeing “way to easily” as a typo of “way too easily”. It`s important everyone knows this, honest.
Mr. Bulbmin
I mean, the only bad part about it is the order. It should be a movie, then dinner, as you’ll have something to talk about during dinner, and you’ll probably be hungry from only having had candy/popcorn for the last two hours.
Also, in regards to gay dating, I mean . . . yes, societal norms may make it weird for you for fifteen minutes before you start enjoying yourself/panicking that your date is miles out of your league, but fifteen minutes of awkwardness is preferable to a lifetime of disappointment in your life choices, methinks.
Felian
… also it’s not like you’re NOT being awkward at hetero first dates for the first fifteen minutes 😉
thejeff
That’s why I prefer to skip the first date and move straight into the relationship. Skips the awkwardness.
Kind of like Ruth and Billie did. Though preferably without the sexual assault and the suicide pact.
StClair
that’s the tricky part, innit?
Kryss LaBryn
I don’t know; I have fond remembrances of going out for a coffee or what until like 2 am with friends to completely dissect the symbolism of a movie after having seen it. Mind you, helped that most of us had art or theatre backgrounds, one way or another.
Sadly, the last movie I saw that really had some symbolic meat in the details that one could get one’s teeth into was Bram Stoker’s Dracula in 1992 (some great symbolism there is the little details, like Lucy’s costumes being decorated with snakes, or being inspired by lizards–very reptile-themed, while Mina’s had leaves on most of hers)–until I just watched The Shape of Water the day before last, which is fantastic and also which has some absolutely wonderful symbolism with the use of colour etc that I can finally really sink my teeth into again.
I’m so out of practise; but it’s sooo fun! 😀
Barf Ninjason
Geez, dudes, really? Guy lays out his heart and shares how this same experience felt, and you’re gonna just completely ignore that for that tired “you’re not Jen Aside/Ana Vhronisitic” joke? She doesn’t make the first comment every day, anyway.
But CC, thanks for sharing that – it makes me feel a little better to see such a reaction in a more neutral fashion; I can’t shake the feeling that Billie is going to springboard this revelation into freaking out and breaking up with Ruth. That whole “wait, gay? Uh, no, not me!” And given that Billie is ditzy enough to not believe in the concept of bisexuality, that doesn’t seem like an unfounded fear, but I appreciated your story as an example of such a realization leading to honest reflection.
10LettersIsTooLong
I had a weird backwards version of this. “Coming out” as a lesbian was no big deal–But when I fell in love with a man, years after establishing my sexual identity? THAT threw me. I had a panic attack the first time we kissed because I could not rationalize my former identity with my new reality. I have a hard time explaining to people that I feel queer, but I’m married to a dude. Nowadays I just refer them to Erika Moen’s DAR.
Adam Black
I was about to ask if this was Erika Moan
ValdVin
Pun intentional?
That does sound like a page from her life. Well, her life-in-comic-form. I don’t know her but she’s written some very cathartic stuff.
Bagge
I hope the date went well 🙂
JessWitt
Dang, that sounds amazing. I can imagine I’ll think the same way someday but with “guys” in place of “boys”.
not someone else
As a trans person who (pretty much for that reason) hadn’t started dating seriously until well into adulthood, I kinda had that experience more than once. “Holy shit, I’m in an *actual* relationship with an *actual girl*.” “Oh my god, I’m flirting with a guy who *knows I’m a guy*.”
Rodrigo
Maybe she is not sure if she is bi our lesbian anymore. It’s not her first date with a girl.
thejeff
No, but she’s always considered herself
normalstraight before, not bisexual. Everyone just tries girls sometimes.I think that wall of denial may be cracking.
StClair
Yeah, I think you’re right.
“Wait, what do you mean, ‘everyone’ doesn’t get ‘curious’?”
Architex
Gonna need that Leafs dress sooner than later, Joyce.
AnvilPro
Don’t think about your past Billie, it never helps anyone in Webcomic World
DarkoNeko
“uh, what are we supposed to do there ? I don’t know, only dated boys”
Undrave
“Oh shit… who pays for dinner?!” -Billie, probably
Jack Spade
Who opens the door? Who drives? Who stays home and takes care of the kids? WHO TAKES THE ROLE OF THE GENDER NOT PRESENT!?!
-Actual quote from my brother when talking about a date with a guy-
Alex Denton
That’s why representation is important, so people aren’t lost 🙂
SailorCakes
Uh oh….
King Daniel
“I have a bad feeling about this.”
…wait no my Ruth gravatar makes this worse
StClair
“… what do girls like?”
Danni
videe games, if tumblr and twitter are any indication
marianne
I’m a girl, and I like video games, so so far the theory checks out! ??
Doctor_Who
Well then, we have 100% confirmation from our sample group.
marianne
? I’m every woman, it’s all in meeeeeee ?
Danni
nice!
Leorale
The Kinsey Sicks know what girls like.
https://g.co/kgs/F2xcJ5
Leorale
Er, that was supposed to be a link to the music video.
https://youtu.be/_Jng5tQzXGw
CoMa
What about “Girls just wanna have fun”?! (I’m a ditz with html links, so I won’t even try)
Arian
Which means video games. So the theory still checks out.
N0083rp00F
And here I always thought the theory was – thin at one end, thick in the middle and thin at the other end.
fogel
Kle A
Dang Fool
That is Anne Elk’s theory, it is hers and belongs to her,
and she owns it and what it is, too.
Delicious Taffy
That is a fantastic band name.
Shade
Femurs.
brionl
Well, based on the last 40 years experience, not me.
Pablo360
Cannons
Jack Spade
It’s the sensation that’s sweeping the nation.
Passchendaele
Take both of them, Billie, because why not?
Dean
‘What do you even DO on a date if you’re not pretending to be fascinated with everything he says?”
Derek
reminds me of that silly tumblr thread where they were saying when gay men have to both pay for the bill (so the obvious solution is to fight to the death for it) while gay women don’t have to pay at all but they can’t sit down because no one pulled a chair out for them :p
vlademir1
Dear gods, you’d think the people involved in saying such nonsense, if serious, had either never experienced an actual date or else had grown up in the most insular traditionalist communities on the planet and never left.
Needfuldoer
I’d say it was a joke built around stereotypical behavior expectations, but then again it was Tumblr so who knows.
vividgrim
it was 100% a joke, I remember that thread
Derek
’twas a joke making fun of those very traditions and gender roles
fogel
Perhaps raised on pre-1968 RomComs?
Socks
okay but real talk a lot of my early girl on girl experiences were like… both of us leaning into the kiss 10% and then just sitting there, like… well, shit. We did figure it out eventually, generally.
DailyBrad
I know we met her sorta-ex from highschool, I am curious if they just never formally dated, like her thing with Ruth so far, or if they did, and this is a “haven’t done this since-” thing.
I am thinking the former, just for Walky’s “I guess drama is sexually transmitted” or something like that. been a while since I’ve seen that punchline, so I don’t remember the exact phrasing. got the impression Billie let them down in a big way, so probably not a formal relationship.
Leorale
My head-canon is that Billie didn’t consider Alice her real girlfriend, but Alice did.
Maveric1984
Considering her reaction to seeing Billie again, I’d say thats correct.
Joy
…crap.
Jack Spade
That scene just got a lot more umpmf
Beef
Is that good huh or bad huh?
Is it a huh as in “I just realized I’m dating a woman. Neat” or huh as in “Now that I think about it I’m not into this”
Leorale
I think it’s a “maybe I’m bisexual” huh.
Danni
definitely a “maybe im bi” huh
fogel
PSA: You may be bisexuals if you romatically date both women & men .
pjeseb
It could be huh as in “I’ve been talking to myself for an unnaturally long time and people are beginning to stare, better stop.”
…that seems unlikely though.
Deanatay
Billie’s never thought of herself as a lesbian, or even a bisexual. She’s a normal hetero girl, who, As All Girls Do (as she once explained to Joyce, causing one of Joyce’s Three Great Freak-Out Faces), occasionally gets ‘bi-curious’ but IS NOT A GAY. Going on a Date with Ruth would officially contravene that, IN PUBLIC.
Chris (the other one)
This ^^ is exactly how I interpret it.
King Daniel