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Replacement
Posted on September 28, 2017 by David M Willis
My good pal Jon Rosenberg (of Goats/Scenes from a Multiverse fame) is raising money to help pay for his son's recovery from surgery!  because our nation's health care insurance industry is a dumpster fire Please take a look and maybe help a boy not live with pain forever and ever.  I'm really excited for this surgery to happen.

318 thoughts on “Replacement”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    DisGonBGud.gif

    1. Ana Chronistic

      aww, not the surgery, I mean

      or, the surgery itself is good, the requirement for it isn’t

      dang, good thing I got all this overtime to do, donating ALL THE MONEY this month ?

    2. Ana Chronistic

      Genesis 2:15 tho

    3. Emily

      It’s the interaction I never knew I wanted

      1. Meamoi

        That satisfied me in ways I didn’t know need satisfied.

        1. Clif

          It will be even more satisfying as Mary decides to weed out the DVDs for appropriateness as is her moral duty.

    4. onetwoduck

      Blessed are the lambs.

  2. Shiro

    Yes, this is the correct way to deal with Mary.

    1. butting

      What about, for eg, emptying the box, cramming Mary inside it, and sealing it with duct tape? Seems to be an ineffable correctness to that as well.

      1. Shiro

        Well maybe, but you eventually have to deal with the body.

      2. maxyai

        You forgot the shipping label that says Timbuktu.

        1. Jamie

          Timbuktu respectfully asks that you keep your Malayas to yourself.

        2. StClair

          Well, we already mailed the kitten to Abu Dhabi, so…

        3. Shen Hibiki

          But they’re sending Mary…

        4. Psyme

          Well, if they don’t want Malayas, then they sure as hell don’t want Mary.

      3. Mr. Random

        Morally, yes. But I feel there may be some legal violations if That was done.

        1. butting

          … with appropriate hazardous waste labelling, then?

        2. Reltzik

          Flags indicating toxics and caustics.

      4. Needfuldoer

        Problem is, somebody might open the box thinking it’s still full of DVDs. It needs a better label to deter people, like “last year’s textbooks” or “Mary Bradford”.

      5. thejeff

        Calling Dina.

      6. Bruceski

        Won’t work, Mary isn’t a DVD and proper labeling must be maintained at all costs.

    2. Cholma

      Finally! A use for Mary!

  3. toki

    pls do not handle those dvds as such

    1. Viktoria

      They’re DVDs in 2017. If they’re not being used as frisbees they should feel lucky.

      1. Lapin

        If anyone ever even consider using my EE LotR DVDS as frisbees, I’d be using their skull as an ashtray.

        1. Reltzik

          EVERYONE WINS!

        2. Rukdug

          Why not a drinking cup? Or a little bowl of nuts/other snacks on a coffee table? Or, because Halloween is coming up, a bowl from which you give candy to trick or treaters? The last one is the perfect cover!!…Now that I think about it, there’s a lot of possible uses for a human skull without an owner.

        3. AstroLounge

          Because skulls are full of holes. They would make terrible containers.

    2. Deathjavu

      Does anyone even use actual DVDs anymore?

      1. Gwen

        My wife and I started acquiring a few after Netflix began systematically dropping all our favorite shows.

        1. Commander Clash

          Ditto. I have loads of movies and anime on DVD that sites tend to crash on my lap top. Nothing better than popping in a DVD season on Detective Conan, kicking back and relaxing.

        2. Stella

          I am strongly considering getting a portable DVD player and getting DVDs again because of this. I stopped getting DVDs around 2011, both because I got Netflix and because I began purchasing digital versions of movies and downloading them directly on my laptop. (It was a Macbook Pro I’d gotten as a high school graduation present and I was incredibly excited).

          Fast-forward six years– that computer’s totally smashed to bits, as are all the movies and albums I had on it. Meanwhile, the movies available for streaming on Netflix are getting less appealing. So, investing in a movie collection again seems like the safest option. My current laptop doesn’t have a disc drive, but that shouldn’t be too big a deal.

      2. Tacos

        I still buy them occasionally. They’re cheaper than Blu-rays. We have enough to fill two boxes.

        1. Gryph

          would you really label a box blu-ray instead of dvds anyway?

        2. SgtWadeyWilson

          Label it Laser Discs, that’ll prevent theft.

      3. StClair

        hell, I still have VHS tapes.

        1. JetstreamGW

          I’ve finally offloaded my VHS. I only have about four or five left. Things you can’t acquire on any other format.

        2. Rukdug

          I will give up my VHS tapes when someone pried them from my cold, dead, rigor mortis struck, hands for exactly that final reason!! I haven’t been able to find any of my favorite Miyazaki movies on DVD and some of my favorite Disney movie might never get transferred to DVD or above format. And I would destroy my extended edition Lord of the Rings set before allowing them to enter another’s hands (my dream for those was to somehow get the autographs of the main cast on either the boxes or the DVDs themselves on the side that doesn’t have actual info on it, but then Christopher Lee died, and I don’t think I could go through with my plan lacking Christopher Lee’s signature).

      4. Reltzik

        Old ones? Yes. But I’m not buying new ones.

      5. Needfuldoer

        Yes! I don’t watch that many movies, but I’ve picked up tons of TV seasons on DVD from secondhand stores, Amazon, and eBay. (Sure they’re not HD, but most of what I watch started out in SD anyway.)

        Music CDs are even cheaper; you can get an entire album for the price of two tracks from iTunes. It’s fun building a formidable digital library for pennies on the dollar.

        Viktoria’s right, though. Half the used discs I pick up, especially music CDs, look like they were dragged behind a car. (The CDs only have to work once, but still. Doesn’t anyone take care of their stuff anymore?)

        1. Rukdug

          For this reason, despite not yet being thirty, I like to collect physical album records. Sure I don’t have a record player, but someone has to preserve them for posterity.

      6. Larkle

        I still use a mix of DVDs and VHS tapes.

        1. StClair

          Same. *offers high-five*

      7. Shay Guy

        My family has never owned a BD player. Or an HDTV. We still used our SDTV from 2004 until Harvey ate it.

        (We also have a rather extensive VHS collection that was only partially eaten. I think the last one I watched was The Sting, two years ago.)

      8. Badgermole

        Everyone should return to DVDs, either buying or borrowing, if only to boycott Netflix. I don’t want to link spam here but look up Cory Doctorow’s article on the W3C’s passing of the EME if you guys haven’t already. It’s practically impossible at this point to excise Google from our lives but I’ve already unsubscribed from Netflix because of this.

        1. Positron

          DVDs have CSS though, so you’re just trading one DRM for another. There unfortunately isn’t a way to acquire popular video media that’s not locked up in some sort of DRM. That’s not to say you shouldn’t boycott Netflix, you absolutely should, just bear in mind that DVDs are also DRM encumbered.

      9. segnosaur

        Actually I like having DVDs.
        – They are cheaper than Blue Ray, and I find the quality acceptable on my TV
        – Unlike (for example) Netflix (or whatever steaming service someone may use), I know the DVDs will be around indefinitely (unlike movies on streaming services, which may eventually disappear once the license runs out.)
        – Unlike keeping digital copies on a hard drive, I don’t have to worry about loosing my movie collection if I happen to have a hard drive failure.

      10. Abel Undercity

        Some media that won’t fall victim to some variety of hard drive crash is nice to have around still.

      11. Liliaeth

        Actually yes, at least with dvd’s, I’m sure I actually own the eps, and that they won’t disappear after a while when netflix decides to get rid of some stuff.

      12. begbert2

        I have tons of DVDs, though I do generally prefer blu-rays nowadays when I can get them. I’ve watched a few things on netflix (and am actually still paying for it despite not having looked at it in at least six months), but I’ve found that streaming comes with irritations like the video consistently being jacked up at the start and subtitles always being mistimed. These may be my device’s fault, but screw it – I’ve already bought all these DVDs, I like actually owning things, and I have whole purchased serieses that I *still* haven’t gotten around to watching – why should I bother with streaming?

      13. Roborat

        I prefer to physically own my media, be it music, movies or tv series. As opposed to renting it, as that is all you are doing with Netflix, Spotify, etc.

        1. thejeff

          Music I certainly agree with.
          Movies and TV I rarely watch often enough for it to make sense.

          I actually still use Netflix’s DVD subscription, since I think it has a better selection. Every once in a while I’ll get a month of the streaming to watch something only available there.
          I can watch far, far more for the price of that subscription than by actually buying discs. Since there really are only a few things I’d want to watch more than once a decade, I don’t see the point in buying them.

          Books though. Books I buy. But I also use libraries, so it’s kind of the same thing.

        2. Liliaeth

          For me, I like watching something on streaming, and then if I like it enough, I’ll buy it on dvd, so I can rewatch it whenever I want.

      14. TParadox

        You should have a copy you completely control of anything you care about, because streaming catalogs change frequently and you don’t want to find yourself wanting to watch a thing only to find out it’s not available online anymore.

        I often still buy DVDs over blurays because they’re cheaper and they still work in bluray players and I don’t need HD quality for everything. Some things I just want to be able to watch in not totally horrendous quality, and a DVD’s full SD is usually just fine for me.

      15. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

        There very useful for watching films that Netflix hasn’t obtained the streaming rights to

    3. Dean

      Guys, the box has AIR HOLES in it.

      It clearly contains either Lucy or more likely Fuckface.

      1. Gryph

        that is also not an appropriate way to transport lucy and/or fuckface

        1. James

          If it’s down to those two, it’s Lucy. Fuckface is one of the few things Malaya doesn’t abuse.

        2. Reltzik

          Yeah, but why would she WANT to bring Lucy with her?

          I’m guessing it’s just a ratty old box.

        3. begbert2

          I assumed she shot it up with a pellet gun at some point because reasons.

  4. AnvilPro

    Best friends forever

  5. King Daniel

    Now that’s what I call a CRATE solution

  6. 4,000 spiders

    ok, but what’s ACTUALLY in that box

    1. Doctor_Who

      Gwyneth Paltrow’s head.

      1. Rukdug

        +1 for that reference

    2. tim gueguen

      Malaya’s suit of high tech, solar powered armour.

    3. Nick Piers

      Her pretty little head.

      Wait, no, sorry. Wrong situation.

    4. Deathjavu

      Fuckface, her pet iguana.

      Those black spots are the air holes.

      1. StClair

        actually, you’re probably right.

      2. BP

        I was just thinking that!

      3. Arianod

        Dunno, I don’t see Malaya kicking Fuckface around…

    5. Bagge

      A gift card worth slightly more than Sal’s.

      It’s from Sal’s mother.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        Dammit, I might have woken my neighbors with that burst of laughter.

    6. Kat

      the reason for the no pets specification in the dorm she came from?

    7. Cybersnark

      It’s you, Ratchet. You’re in the box.

    8. SgtWadeyWilson

      4,001 spiders.

  7. Danni

    there’s a dumpster at the university, right?

    1. Pablo360

      She’s right there

      1. Danni

        if fuckface is in that box, you can let the new r.a. know. malaya can explain why she had a pet in the dorm and especially why she was kicking a box containing fuckface instead of carrying it.
        if its dvds, trash it or just leave the box there. why should anyone do nice things for malaya?

  8. Doctor_Who

    Does that box have airholes in it? Could it be Malaya was in violation of the “No pets” rule? Are we to be graced with the presence of a charmingly named iguana?

    1. 4,000 spiders

      on one hand, i really want fuckface in the strip

      on the other hand, i really don’t want malaya to be kick-scootching an iguana around

      1. Ansel

        this. also, I’d feel really horrible if she was keeping an iguana in a dorm (and I’d literally cry if it was in like, a 40g tall aquarium which is probably as much as would fit in there)

        1. Ansel

          I skipped part of this, I meant to say ‘I guess it could be reptile supplies’ and tie the tank into that (I get she could not use any enclosure, but I was trying to think of what would be heavy in there). I’d be worried about Sal’s smoking (even if it’s just coming off her clothes).

      2. Najaru

        Boxing up a pet and kicking it like that could legitimately be traumatic for said animal.

        Iguanas aren’t stupid either, they’re intelligent and require a lot of care. Sad to see it being mistreated like this :-/

        1. Stella

          Maybe (I’m hoping) it’s just a bunch of heavy iguana-related stuff. Terrariums and plants and lights and food and so on. And then the actual iguana is either already in the room or on Malaya’s person.

      3. GoblinScribe

        I’m not sure she’s actually kicking it—the onomatopoeia is “kick-scootch”, which could mean she’s just scootching it with her foot.

        1. Fart Captor

          That’s how I understood it. Possibly more exciting than an iguana might care for, but not actually violent enough for him to get banged up

        2. GoblinScribe

          Plus, he’s a cartoon animal. Those critters can be pretty damn tolerant of of annoyances like this.

        3. ValdVin

          I interpret it that way also.

          How much does a box of iguana weigh v. a box of DVDs?

    2. tim gueguen

      Somehow I doubt she’d be kicking it like that if it contained a pet.

      1. StClair

        this is Malaya we’re talking about.

        1. Some1

          Great, then I’d have to choose between rooting for the blackmailing bigoted sociopath or the jerkass who kicks her own pet across the floor.

        2. Reltzik

          Hey now, we’re allowed to root for mutual annihilation.

        3. Sunny

          She might not care for people, but from what I recall she really liked that Iguana in the other universe.
          Also, Willis is far too good at inspiring hate in the audience, he doesn’t need to resort to having characters literally kick a pet.

    3. skart

      Don’t kick the iguana!

    4. Bicycle Bill

      https://i.pinimg.com/736x/f3/51/4d/f3514d9eb2bc9ffd567f1fed7bfbef9d–budget-moving-moving-day.jpg

    5. Ansel

      She’s not doing a good job of hiding it if she’s letting someone else carry the box (amongst all the other reasons I hope it’s not in there)

      1. Some1

        Malaya cannot be that fucking dumb, even accounting for the fact that she has no idea how evil Mary is, you do not ask random people to carry contraband for you!

        1. tim gueguen

          I suspect she’s already decided Mary isn’t someone she wants to spend time with, even with this brief encounter. Assuming of course Mary’s rep hasn’t already reached her via the student grapevine.

    6. Marsh Maryrose

      I have heretofore assumed that Willis was just playing with reader expectations — Malaya had Fuckface in SP!, why not in DoA? And so Spencer’s “no pets” and Billie’s “no pets?” were deliberately setting up an unfired Chekov’s Gun.

      But what appear to be airholes on a box labelled “DVDS” has me reconsidering.

      For those of you who are now thinking about getting an iguana for a pet, the best advice is: don’t. Unless you are willing to do your research first, and can commit the resources to keeping your iguana happy and healthy over its whole life.

      Remember: that cute little thing you see in the pet store will grow to be about five feet long in about five years. And throughout its lifetime, you will need to pay constant attention to its diet and its environment.

      From the Green Iguana Society:
      Tips for New Iguana Owners
      Myths and Misconceptions

  9. Nick Piers

    It’s okay, Mary. God’s love will help you carry it!

  10. Joe Moose

    Finally!

    1. Thor

      And people wonder why Malaya is in my top ten DoA characters!

      Well, no they don’t really. But that’s not going to stop me from claiming it as fact.

      1. SgtWadeyWilson

        Yeah, like, why not type five at least?

    2. ditrysia

      Words cannot describe how satisfying this was to me.

  11. jeffepp

    Ego vs. Ego.

  12. Cattleprod

    “I said that with the expectation of not actually having to serve.”

    1. CK

      “I said that with the expectation that servants aren’t actually humble, but instead condescend to you and tell you what to do.”

      1. CK

        oh goodness what a fitting gravatar

      2. John Merklinghaus

        ” ‘They also serve who only stand and wait.’ I can do that. And I don’t need to stand and wait here.”

      3. Reltzik

        Nope, that’s butlers.

        1. Rukdug

          +1 for Alfred

      4. Liliet

        <3 this thread

  13. Cmd1095

    Malaya gives no fucks, Mary is gonna want Billie back within the month lol

  14. laladoria

    I like this Malaya.

  15. WikiDreamer

    Respect Malay. Re. Spect!

  16. Mom

    This is going to be fun.

  17. Lapin

    …Oh. Oh, this is about to become truly glorious.

  18. A Scientist

    If that box actually contains DVDs, it’s a very large box for containing DVDs, and, if full, contains a lot–and I mean a lot–of DVDs.

    It probably doesn’t contain DVDs.

    1. Lapin

      Prettttttttty sure the “no pets” policy Billie was very clearly informed of is a factor here.

      1. Ansel

        right, that’s why there’s all the airholes.

        on the other hand, I really hope malaya wouldn’t just kick a box with a living animal in it along the floor.

        1. Lapin

          I would hope not too, but on the OTOH, I have actually had to transport an iguana in a box once (my gf’s, there was a hurricane, Mandy had to go to my gf’s mom’s house and all we had was a box) and Mandy was /pissed/. She clawed through the sides and was trying to scratch us up. And the comic makes it look more like she’s tapping and scootching it down without actually picking it up.

      2. Tacos

        I would hope not. Kicking around a box with an iguana inside ain’t cool.

    2. Ansel

      I dunno, I have about enough to half fill that box (with some blu rays and maybe a couple stray video games mixed in), and I don’t actually buy movies very often.

    3. DaveM

      And speaking from experience, if a box that size is full of DVD’s, it’s no wonder she’s moving it via “kick scootch”. Boxes of DVDs are HEAVY!

  19. DailyBrad

    Good luck with the surgery! I wish I could donate, but my financial situation isn’t the best currently.

    As for the comic, guessing Malaya may have gone up in the estimation of some here

    1. Deathjavu

      Standing next to Mary makes Malaya look better in comparison.

      (standing next to Mary has this effect on everyone)

      1. Wright

        It’s kinda awesome because she’s not being her usual antisocial self; she’s just assuming they’re going to live up to the standards they preach.

        I just love that only a few strips ago, we had three people bending over backwards to help Billie out.

  20. TemporalShrew

    This is the first thing Malaya has done that I can support 100%.

  21. Sionyx

    Oh, Dangit, now I’m starting to like DoA-Verse Malaya ahead of schedule. Shame she doesn’t seem to have any witnesses to this delightful incident, Malaya’d gain in popularity in the hall rather fast.

  22. BBCC

    I sense Fuckface is in there.

    And ohhhhh Mary. You are in no way ready to reckon with Malaya. Malaya’s greatest strength is she simply does not give a fuck if you like her or not. What does she need your approval for? She’s Malaya, she does what she wants, what’ll you do about?

    1. Lapin

      I’ve always loved that about Malaya. She doesn’t possess any form of fucks to give about what she gets up to, and she’s more likely to try and choke Mary with that obnoxious scarf in an off-camera staircase than put up with Mary’s BS, especially if Mary threatens someone she cares about.

      Malaya doesn’t care in the /best way/.

      1. BBCC

        RIGHT? That is why I’ve always loved Malaya.

        1. Lapin

          I find her delightful.

          She never has any magical psychic understanding of another character’s backstory, she just gets pissed when she gets treated like shit as a result, and calls people out. (Gawd I loved her reaction to Sal being such a jerk to her) She never pretends she’s perfect, she’s just content with who she is, and has no time for people who want to tear her down with their own drama. She’s an absolute asshole, but she’s great for it, because she doesn’t pretend she isn’t, and she doesn’t pretend she deserves anything less than to be treated as another human being. Sometimes she hurts people, but she never pretends she didn’t.

          Malaya is Mary’s perfect foil. Everyone else on the floor is upholding the social contract, trying to keep things calm, but the minute Mary comes for Malaya, she’s going to find out what happens when a very stoppable force meets an unmovable object.

          And Malaya might even make her cry in the process.

        2. BBCC

          This is just…..not anything Mary has ever every ever been prepared to deal with and I am SO EXCITED to watch.

          I may be asthmatic but I have a feeling I should stock up on cigars. I have a feeling I’ll need them soon.

        3. MatthewTheLucky

          And if you’re Catholic, taking the body of a man into your mouth.

        4. MatthewTheLucky

          Wrong comment chain, dammit.

        5. BBCC

          I WAS SO CONFUSED.

  23. Passchendaele

    “Church,” hmm? Is that the euphemism now? :p

    1. Reltzik

      Nonono. Going to town is the euphemism. Going to church involves getting down on your knees and crying “God, oh God” over and over and over again. Nothing euphemistic about that at all.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        And if you’re Catholic, taking the body of a man into your mouth.

        1. CJ

          Parts of his body…

        2. DaveM

          Don’t forget drinking his bodily fluids at the same time. 🙂
          Fortunately, I believe only Catholics believe in transubstantiation, Protestants treat it as a metaphor usually. But seeing as Mary is from one of the “provisional wings” of Christianity, who knows!

    2. Ozzi

      You are all too old for the priest to be interested.

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      My church offers no absolutes / She tells me, “Worship in the bedroom.”

      (Also, just for Mary: Something meaty for the main course / That’s a fine-looking high horse

  24. Foxhack

    THAT BOX HAD BETTER NOT BE HOLDING FUCKFACE INSIDE OF IT

    HE DESERVES BETTER

    1. Electriccombines

      I don’t think Malaya could have had Fuckface in Forest, since Spencer said no pets were allowed. Plus, I think Nash referred to Malaya as Fuckface, so perhaps they are one with each other in the DOA universe.

  25. Pigeon Pollyx

    yknow…i’ve suddenly become fond of malaya

  26. captainswift

    Oddly, considering it features none of my favorite characters, and doesn’t contribute majorly to any important story arcs (that I’m aware of)

    This is my favorite Dumbing of Age strip to date.

  27. Mr. Random

    Oh. This will be fun.
    I wonder how long Mary willast having to actually be a good person under her own volition.

  28. AeromechanicalAce

    Not quite the Mike-aggro I was hoping would be inflicted on the holier-than-thous, but I’ll take it.

    1. Mydnyt

      God… what if Malaya and Mike conspire together?

      1. Reltzik

        Eh, Mike puts in too much effort for Malaya to ever join in on that crap.

        1. Freemage

          I agree, but there’s another possibility. Mike could likely figure out a way to weaponize Malaya, getting her into situations where her natural tendencies are sufficient to inflict maximum suffering on his targets….

          Okay, yeah, I ship it.

  29. Stephen Bierce

    *plays the Club Nouveau version of “Lean On Me” on the hacked Muzak*

    1. Deanatay

      DOH doh
      dohdoh doh doh DOH
      DOH DOH doh doh
      doh doh doh DOH DOH DOH

  30. Some1

    I feel like Mary has an advantage here. Malaya sadly isn’t very smart and is easily frustrated. Mary on the other hand is one of the most manipultive characters in the comic and managed to turn Ruth into a victim. Leaving a box of dvds with some random people you just met is idiotic, personally I would just leave them, and I’m a lot nicer than Mary.

    1. Lapin

      Malaya has a very simple advantage over Mary: she doesn’t give one single flying fuck, whereas Mary absolutely needs every ounce of praise and “better than thou” BS. She can’t get that from Malaya though. Malaya isn’t polite enough to give into the social contract and appease Mary to keep the peace, and there’s nothing Mary can do to her to blackmail her. Malaya is the perfect foil to Mary, because no matter what Mary tries, /Malaya doesn’t care/ and worse, Malaya is willing to throw down when needed.

      1. Some1

        How is being willing to throw down applicable? This is a battle of wits, Carla understands that. Billie and Ruth were manipulated by Mary for so long because they were used to forcing their way through problems. Plus, how long will it take Mary to get a plethora of blackmail on frigging Malaya?

        Don’t ever make the mistake of underestimating Mary, this is a girl who almost beat Ruthless. The only reason she even came close to losing was because of Carla. Malaya isn’t a badass, she’s just annoying and highly full of herself. Don’t get me wrong, I like Malaya better (as a person, as a character I like Mary more) but Carla she is not.

        1. Ashley

          If this is a battle of wits, Mary’s going in unarmed. She didn’t “almost beat” Ruthless, she blackmailed her and when she tried to use her “wit” on the other girls and Ruth’s boss, it landed with a tremendous thud. Malaya, yes, is also annoying and full of herself, and it’ll be interesting to see if she even gives Mary the time of day (most girls don’t), but honestly to act like Mary has done anything smart when all she’s done is show she’s an obviously manipulative hypocrite nobody likes or trust is misguided.

        2. Some1

          Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Mary is particularly smart, I’m merely saying she’s smarter than Malaya…who left a random box with two people she didn’t know.

        3. James

          A box Malaya was moving by kicking. Whatever’s in there, it’s something she cares less than usual about.

        4. Some1

          Is it Gwyneth Paltrow’s severed head?

        5. DaveM

          When I moved house a week ago, I made the mistake of putting all my dvd’s/blu-rays/computer games in one box, then filled the remaining 1/3 with clothes. The result was a box that needed two people to carry it. If I had to move that box by myself, I’d have been kicking it too.

        6. Eldritch Gentleman

          Huh. So Mary is basically The Cersei of DoA?

        7. adjudicus

          Condescending, holier than thou, manipulative, thinks she’s smarter than she is…The only difference is that she’d need to drink a lot more, though, with Mary, I wouldn’t be very surprised if it happened

        8. Eldritch Gentleman

          And bang her brother… which seems to happen in some communities from what I heard… [narrows his eyes] Do we know anything about this Peter Paul or whatshisface ancestry?

        9. Marsh Maryrose

          Mary is way more Septa Unella than she is Cersei.

        10. Eldritch Gentleman

          Religiously yeah, though was Unella ever manipulative? Frankly I have only a vague idea of what I’m talking about. My knowledge mostly comes from Tvtropes. I’ve seen the Red Wedding and decided that “Nope, this stuff ain’t for me”

        11. Lapin

          If this is a battle of wits, it’ll be short-lived. Mostly because Mary is a hal-wit, and Malaya doesn’t even pretend she is witty.

          And that is not what happened with the Carla situation at all. Mary had blackmail fall into her lap that could take Billie away from Ruth, and even when Mary tried to cash in, Ruth and Billie refused to play ball in the end. The entire issue was that Ruth and Billie weren’t going to let Mary torment Carla.

          And that’s the issue. Malaya doesn’t care. Mary can’t get anything on her, because /Malaya doesn’t care/. Malaya isn’t a badass and isn’t trying to be. She just isn’t scared of bullies like Mary, because she isn’t ashamed or scared of one damn thing she’s done, and she won’t be manipulated by some weak-ass villain like Mary. Mary is universally disliked by the whole floor, if not hated.

          Malaya won’t care either way. Mary means nothing to her, until she pushes Malaya too hard. And that is exactly why Mary will, because Mary /has to matter/, in her own head. She has to be superior, and recognised as such.

        12. Some1

          You have strong points but I’m calling bullshit on Malaya not wanting people to think she’s a badass. Acting tough is her entire fucking personality, she let Amber goad her and proceeded to lose in one hit. Malaya cares, she just cares that people know how little she cares.

        13. Fart Captor

          Malaya cares about what certain specific people think of her. Also she likes fighting.

          Mary is the sort of person who Malaya would want to hang out with, the friend of someone she’d want to hang out with, or likely to try and egg her into a fist fight.

          Mary’s usual barbs won’t be very effective on Malaya, and so far, she hasn’t proven to be very creative. Just nasty and opportunistic. Maybe if she found some kind of leverage on Malaya, but she’s got nothing right now

        14. timemonkey

          She didn’t lose in one hit, she got knocked down, got back up and jumped her from behind. Amazi-Girl lost that fight, Malaya and the others were more annoyed than anything, none of them were hurt.

        15. Fart Captor

          Yeah, but that changed dramatically after she’d lost the element of surprise:

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/03-up-all-night-to-get-vengeance/beforesunrise/

        16. Guerisso

          Concerning blackmail: we all agree that the box probably does not contain DVDs but a pet iguana. Depending on how strict the no pet rules are applied, there might be blackmail material sitting in a box right in front of Mary.

        17. tim gueguen

          I don’t agree. No way is anything living in that box.

    2. the final pam

      I don’t know that I would say that Mary has an advantage? I mean, it’s not like Mary and Malaya are going to square off or anything. Most likely, Mary’s just going to leave the box on the floor and ignore Malaya.

      The only people Mary’s been actively manipulative towards are people she’s bigoted towards. No one else matters to her. That’s why she hasn’t actively harassed Joyce or Sal or anyone else on the floor to the same degree as Billy, Ruth, or Carla. As far as Mary’s aware, Malaya doesn’t fit in the same category, and in any case this is hardly an interaction that’s going to create a blood feud so..? Not really sure where the whole “battle of wits, Mary blackmailing Malaya in the future” bit is coming from.

      1. timemonkey

        Well, Malaya’s not exactly straight so I’m sure they’ll be some sort of conflict eventually.

        1. the final pam

          Eh, maybe. But not necessarily. There’s numerous people on the floor who aren’t straight, or monogamous, and while Mary might also harass them, it hasn’t shown up in story. The only ones we know that she’s harassed without a doubt are Billy, Ruth, and Carla, all of whom “””wronged””” her in some way.

        2. Arianod

          More like, Malaya is there so there’ll be some sort of conflict eventually.

  31. Hari

    Maybe Malaya will beat Mary’s ass.

    1. Leon

      If they go there, I’d assume Malaya is the physically stronger one of the two.
      But Mary is more evil, so maybe she has unfair tricks up her sleeve?

      1. Council

        I would not even describe Malaya as evil.
        Complete amorality and apathy to everything beyond her personal interests doesn’t lend itself to malice. Any attempts to make her care, kind of hurtful, will just bounce off of her.
        Until she finds out about her sex ed teacher, or bumps into a not-at-all-a-car-transwoman.

        1. Leon

          Yeah, sorry, poor phrasing. Mary is worse than Malaya, that’s all I wanted to say.

  32. Kernanator

    My regard for Malaya has increased ten-fold.

  33. leo

    One comment about Malaya that I remember back from the days of Shortpacked was “Mike is the kind of asshole you want to be, Malaya is the kind of asshole you are.” I can’t remember if it was you who made it or if it was someone else but. Well. Malaya just ascended to “the kind of asshole I want to be.”

  34. Urukak

    Man, I had to sit and think for like 10 seconds to figure out what Mary was even trying to imply. Now I’m pissed off that Mary made me devote that much time to her.

    1. Harvey Janus

      What was she trying to imply, I can’t figure it out.

      1. Mollyscribbles

        Seconded, I scrolled through the comments trying to see if someone expanded on that one.

  35. Fart Captor

    JERKS FOR THE JERK GOD

    1. Ozzi

      Jerky for the jerky throne

  36. Tenchan

    I think I’m beginning to like Malaya!

    1. Freemage

      Yeah, she’s great as long as she’s hanging out with people who are objectively worse human beings. Oooh… let’s put her, Mary and Faz all in the same room!

      Then lock the door.

      Then set the building on fire.

      With nukes from orbit.

      Only way to be sure….

  37. Dierna

    Everybody sing! *sings* If you wanna be great….in god’s kingdom…gotta be the servant of all…..

  38. Bagge

    “Yada-yada-yada-servants-yada-wathever.”
    “Sure, box, whatever.”

    I think I’m getting the hang of Malaya’s thought process.

  39. chris73

    So not being religious I feel I’m missing something from panel three

    1. ditrysia

      A big part of Jesus’s teachings were about humility and serving others. He would not accept to be treated like royalty and instead was always looking for ways to be of service to others – the most famous case of him being a servant was during his Last Meal when he washed the feet of all his disciples to exemplify this.

      A lot of Christians take this and turn it around to mean “I am better than you because I am just so good, you should come to me for advice so I can condescend and act like I am your savior and I can be all smug about it”. There is no actual intention of actually serving, which is why Malaya’s response is so perfect.

      This one time I said “thanks” to a friend for doing me a really small favor, and he answered “it’s not me, it’s thank the Lord for acting through me”. It’s obnoxious as fuck.

  40. Keulen

    I get the feeling that box has something other than dvds in it.

  41. Romanticide

    Malaya just did God’s work there 😀

  42. Marsh Maryrose

    “Can anyone here squeak us a little song?”

  43. All-Purpose Guru

    Ok, I just started liking Malaya again.

  44. Keulen

    I feel like I should have some popcorn when watching interaction between Mary and Malaya.

  45. RacingTurtle

    Moments like these are why I love Malaya. (I mean, *I* don’t have to live with her, so)

  46. pjeseb

    In the great battle of Evil versus Evil, everyone else wins.

    1. pjeseb

      #StillHateMalayaThough

    2. Pl0x

      Let’s hope the 3 of them kill each other off.

      #SorryNotSorryForMyViolentComments

    3. Arianod

      In this particular battle of Evil versus Evil, everyone else is in danger of getting splashed by the blood, if nothing else.

    4. Deanatay

      Malaya is that evil that exists to annoy other evils.

  47. Dafydd

    And by “church”, she obviously means their threesome with Paul. 😛

  48. Mr D

    You know, if Mary or Peter now went and took a leak on that DVD box, I’d be willing to forgive and forget.

  49. DrWattson

    Malaya may have had an uphill battle with me because of my less than positive opinion of her Shortpacked(!) incarnation, but if she ends up countering Mary’s shit she might start winning me over.

  50. Arianod

    Well, it couldn’t happen to a nicer person 🙂

  51. Gaia

    65 000 to help a child, what the ever living fuck is wrong with your government!?

    Government: Bombing brown people is a good investment, but helping our own children is pure evil!!!

    1. Shade

      Part of the US’s problems is its complete aversion to government regulations on things and blind adherence to the idea that the freemarket is the answer to everything.

      As a result people get way overcharged for medically neccessary procedures, which could be fixed by providing some form of assistance for low income people and or regulating the fees from the healthcare industry.

    2. SalmonMax

      It’s complicated, a little.

      The first leg is our relationship to wealthy business interests. Our politics is very much pay-to-play, so industries that can afford lavish lobbies have deformed the consumer-provider relationship very strongly in favor of ‘provider.’ On any scale larger than the local (and often on that scale as well), competition between major brands is virtually extinct. This allows prices to skyrocket, particularly for goods and services that cannot be done without.

      The other leg is cultural rather than economic, but is of course related behind the scenes. The United States has come to pride itself on a ‘rugged, go-it-alone like the pioneers did’ kind of national mythology and identity. I should stress, this ONLY applies to private citizens. Businesses are encouraged to monopolize and conglomerate. Of course, this feeds into the loop, ensuring that citizens never organize and business interests are constantly cooperating to minimize competition (save when they think it’s more profitable to compete; usually a short term situation to drive a competitor out of business or force a merger).

      Again, locally, it’s different. Communities of people can and often do band together to help each other out. This cooperation evaporates though on a national scale, particularly when the spectre of ‘public good through governance’ is raised. We believe that our fellow citizens, and neighbors, are basically good folks who want to help and whom we want to help. We believe that the folks the next neighborhood over are slackers and criminals who want to destroy everything and everyone we love. This makes large scale organizing for ‘public good’ very difficult. We can’t help the ‘good’ people on a national scale without exposing ourselves to the ‘bad’ ones. Particularly because there’s so many more bad than good.

      We’re desperately afraid of being taken advantage of by the bad people in the USA, and I think a lot of our distrust of the government stems from that idea that there’s so many more of ‘them’ than ‘us,’ that government will always be corrupted by ‘them.’ Therefore, we trust ourselves. We trust the people we know and like. And that’s it.

      Ironically, that isolationism makes us collectively incredibly easy to take advantage of by everything OTHER than the government.

      1. CJ

        Also, where medical care is concerned, the US legal system with it excessive possibilities for lawsuits leads to incredible insurance costs for medical providers which in turn jacks up the costs of medical care.
        Put lawyers on standard rates and not a cut of damages payed it gets much cheaper for everybody.
        In Germany, currently independent midwives are getting rare because there is only one insurance company willing to ensure them and the rates have been skyrocketing so badly that a lot give up because it becomes impossible to make a living.

        1. Freemage

          On the flipside, there’s the issue that genuinely bad doctors are allowed to continue to practice medicine for decades after it’s obvious they have no business being an orderly, much less a physician. Lawsuits are about the only way to punish a doctor or hospital for legitimately bad practices.

          Hell, doctors who sexually assault their patients have gotten away with plea bargains and going back into practice.

        2. thejeff

          But lawsuits are apparently a bad tool for this purpose, since they don’t stop the bad doctors. They tend to shift the response into denial and hiding problems rather than addressing them.

          OTOH, states which have implemented “tort reform” to deal with the costs of malpractice lawsuits haven’t actually seen costs fall.

          Perhaps, dare I say it, more regulation and oversight of doctors and hospitals might be a better approach than either?

      2. bucket

        In-comic, you can see a lot of this “Us vs. Them” attitude in Mary, where she believes that only those who subscribe to her particular worldview are “worthy”. Extend this to a regional, state, or national level and you get the very tribal politics that we are dealing with.

    3. Trolldrool

      I’ve always believed the only reason the United States is cool with Santa Claus and hasn’t kicked him out of their culture for being a dirty communist is that he sold his soul to Coca Cola.

      On a serious note, that’s kind of what happens when you turn an economical system into an ideology and societal norm the way the United States and the Soviet Union did. It’s not just the right system because it works, but because it’s the right one damnit, and doing anything that deviates from that is treason to your country and its values. The Cold War certainly didn’t help either and gave both nations a legitimate “other” to oppose and made the “us vs them” mentality even more ingrained. Do anything that resembles socialism/capitalism and you’re effectively trying to undermine your own country in favour of the enemy.

      Only thing being the Soviet Union lost and had to let go of their ideology and adapt, whereas the United States has just kept going, even to this day when they no longer have a legitimate communist rival. If any politician, Republican or Democrat, makes a suggestion that doesn’t stroke the free market’s metaphorical ego, Congress will slam it down and Fox News will have a field day debating whether or not the president has become a communist.

  52. Reltzik

    Dammit, Willis, stop making me like Malaya!

  53. Lingo

    Why is Mary always dressed like a train robber on Sundays?

    1. BP

      It’s her double life. Peter met her when he helped her escape the first time.

      1. Shade

        I imagine it was more like one of those old movies where one of the gang robs the pretty lady and the lader jumps in giving them their stuff back and kissing their hand in apology. So that, but genders reversed.

        1. Shade

          *leader rather

  54. WingedBeast

    Well, Malaya just gave Mary the gift of humility. Let’s see if she acce… we know she won’t.

    1. Ozzi

      She will if she wants to keep getting sex.

  55. BenRG

    Mary? I’m taking this as an early indicator that the new meat isn’t interested in your ‘advice’.

    Yeah, Malaya is probably going to end up with as few friends in Read Hall as she did in Forest. It’s that winning personality, you see!

  56. Drdreric

    I love Jon Rosenberg’s work. I expect his decreased output is related to the surgery for his son. I have made a donation to the cause. Before his son undergoes this procedure, I hope Jon peruses this link – http://ucp.org/resources/from-the-medical-director-s-desk/outcomes-of-selective-dorsal-rhizotomy/

  57. BP

    … Maybe I can get used to Malaya after all.

  58. Mad_Academic

    Question to Willis: Why is the admittance of your country’s failure to provide adequate healthcare in tiny print? That strikes me as odd. Barring obvious embarrassment.

    1. David M Willis

      http://www.dictionary.com/browse/aside

      #8

      1. Cabinderada

        Well done, Dave.

  59. bryy

    Wait.
    So Mary just goes around telling all the new people (or anyone really) all the gossip and faults (perceived or real) of the hall?

  60. NinjaNick

    Have you tried putting a skateboard on that box? That may help.

    1. Leon

      It might help moving the skateboard.

    2. Roborat

      Probably work better if you put the skateboard under the box.

  61. Leon

    Ah, I see, you redeem an unsympathetic character, or at least present him in a more sympathetic way, by having him encounter a worse, even more dislikeable character, who not only makes them look okay by comparison, but whom they can also fight/struggle/act against, so the reader will be rooting for them.

    1. Leon

      Also, whenever Mary and Peter show up out of nowhere, I kinda expect the Alt-Text to read “Prepare for trouble…”

      1. Tacos

        So they’re Team Rocket? Eh they’re about as ineffective as them.

        1. twobeef

          Prepare for Bible! And also libel!
          To alert the world of God’s salvation!
          To convert all peoples to our denomination!
          To explain how God defines truth and love!
          To keep the heathens out of heaven above!
          Mary! Peter! Team Epistle blasting you with the word of RIGHT!
          Genuflect now or begone from his sight!

        2. OnyxIdol

          +1

        3. Leon

          Now they need a Meowth-substitute…
          Well, Faz is not Christian, but he’d make a fine Meowth…

        4. Leon

          Correction: Faz is not a religious fanatic. I don’t know if he’s Christian.

        5. MM

          Walky in a churchmouse costume.

        6. Roborat

          That’s (alt) right!

        7. StClair

          *applauds you and twobeef*

    2. OnyxIdol

      It’s a little early to talk about redemption for Malaya, no?

      1. Leon

        ‘S why I added the ‘or at least make them appear more sympathetic’-part.

      2. Fart Captor

        Malaya doesn’t need any.

  62. OnyxIdol

    If those black dots are indeed airholes, why are they placed so irregularly?

    1. BenRG

      More importantly, does that box really contain DVDs? After all, Forest had a strict ‘no pets’ policy.

      “Malaya, seriously, how many chinchillas can one girl own?!?”

      1. Deanatay

        I’ve wondered if Forrest has that rule now BECAUSE of Malaya…

  63. CianM1301

    Listen, Malaya, I know you have an image to uphold, but you REALLY shouldn’t kick your belongings.

  64. BenRG

    Second thought that just occurred to me:

    I’m no fan of Malaya but I could fully understand if she resents being “Billie’s Replacement”. If I were in her shoes, the next person who says something like that, I’d say, “No, I’m me.”

    Given how Billie has been treated in Forest, I wonder if they’re both going to have to climb this mountain of being “not the last one” and people refusing to treat them as they are, only as a comparison to their predecessor.

    1. Arianod

      On the other hand, Malaya will be awful to you no matter how you are to her. Even in the -highly hypothetical- case that Mary and Peter had been genuinely nice, they would have gotten pretty much the same treatment.

      1. Cerberus

        Not necessarily, she’s pretty nice to Marcie and tries hard to learn sign language. It’s more that you have to approach her a very specific way for her to like you. She likes direct, she loathes bullshitting, and really doesn’t like it when people are trying to go out of their way to be nice to her or when people expect a very specific interaction from her.

        Like, she’s an asshole, absolutely, no denial there, but there is a way you can approach her where she will recognize the respect you have given her and will repay in kind.

        1. thejeff

          She’s definitely nice to Marcie, but I’m not sure why. You may well be right, but we never really saw that connection form, so we don’t know how the approach was made or who started it.

          With Malaya coming more into the main cast and interacting with more characters, we’ll likely see more of how she reacts. We’ve really only seen her reactions to Sal, Marcy and Lucy. Carla, but not a lot between them, IIRC.

        2. Fart Captor

          Yeah, she doesn’t seem to want to interact with most people, but if you leave her alone, she seems happy to do the same.

          She doesn’t really seem seek out people to be a jerk to.

        3. BBCC

          *cough*Mike*cough*

        4. Rukdug

          While Malaya can be a complete jerkass, it’s normally (aside from Lucy) for reasons that anyone of us would probably also be a jerkass. So yeah, she’s a jerkass, but she’s an incredibly relatable jerkass. And with her interactions with Lucy that we saw, it led me to thinking that Malaya may be a little introverted. I’m an introvert on top of my other issues, and it couldn’t help but feel a little familiar. Now an important thing to note is that being introverted does not automatically make you anti-social as most people assume. An introvert does enjoy social interaction with others. However, being social exhausts us compared to an extrovert, who gets energized. There’s only so much social interaction we can take at a time. And I’m not just talking about emotional or mental exhaustion, but actual physical exhaustion as well. At which point, we want to (and actually need to) be able to relax. The way Malaya was hanging out with Marcie, laying on a bed and reading a book, is very close to how I would begin resting and unwinding from a social event. Being interrupted while resting from a social outing is not pleasant for most people, and is worse for an introvert, because we are exhausted. We don’t want to interact very intensely with someone because we both lack the energy and don’t want to engage in an activity that is going to leave us even further drained. Especially when it’s an interupption of our resting routine done for something like fan art of a show or fandom we don’t care about. In Malaya’s position I probably would have snapped at Lucy as well. And I might indeed have called her the worst if I had been living with her for a month and been like that all the time (which the flashback suggests she does). Once again, an introvert can be just as outgoing and social as an extrovert, but we will feel much more drained by the experience than an extrovert ever would. It’s why, unless it’s established early enough between the two, introverts and extroverts don’t make good roommates. An extrovert will see an introvert lying around, resting from social interaction, and think we’re sad or depressed, because they will feel happy and energized from the same social interaction. And then the extrovert will attempt to cheer the introvert up by socially engaging them, when that is actually not the time for them to do that. We’ll snap at them, which will then just reinforce the extrovert’s belief that we are sad or in a depressed state of mind. The result is a feedback cycle that can be harmful for both parties. Again, that’s just a theory, but it’s one I think might have a bit of weight behind it.

        5. Arianod

          So, yeah: as I said, it has nothing to do with how nice you are to her.

  65. Zaxares

    *snicker* I still don’t like you, Malaya, but I gotta admit that you have your moments.

  66. Trolldrool

    I hadn’t realized I actually missed Mary’s casual hypocrisy until just now and I don’t know what that says about me.

    1. Proudly Closeted Trans Girl

      Wh- wha- HOWW??

      1. Trolldrool

        I think it might be because she’s such a repulsive character and she doesn’t even realize her own hypocrisy. How despite how much she talks about how “the greatest among you is a servant” she’s too obsessed with being a “servant” only so she can be one of the greatest in the eyes of her Lord and Saviour. Her vile, egocentric and blatant hypocrisy is fascinating in how it lets me interpret her actions and intentions compared to more likable characters that actually possess a healthy amount of self-awareness.

  67. Vulcanodon

    I would have much the same gleeful reaction if Mary and Peter had stumbled into a thicket of nettles. Well, that is sort of what happened…

    1. ValdVin

      Wait, there’s a porcupine in there?

  68. DarkoNeko

    Bit surprised a student would bring so many DVDs at a temporary house, but again, Walky seems to have the integral of his favourites series too.

  69. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions: I’m going to break this down into characters rather than panels because I think that’s the more interesting separation.

    Mary: Her panel 3 is so utterly illuminating into her whole thought process and it’s a very common thing among a certain type of Christian. And that’s the idea that other people are almost something not real or less important. That this whole world is almost not real or less important. That the only thing that matters is the afterlife and avoiding “God”‘s abusive temper long enough to sneak into the good version where he won’t torture you for eternity.

    So, there’s no value in caring about what other people want or doing right by them. Only in “serving” an idea of God and the mission of evangelism and thus getting new recruits by any means necessary.

    And it breeds this underhanded slimy approach we see here. If Malaya was less Malaya and more someone insecure or hurting, Mary would then proceed into exploiting that in order to try and hard-sell her idea of God more. And if Malaya was someone meeker, she would have run roughshod over her and tried to run her life with her idea of “advice” and “guidance”.

    And that’s the most meaningful part of Mary’s evilness. She’s not unique. And she works hard to be good in the very specific system she is in, the most golden of God’s subjects in her eyes. The one who Jesuses the hardest. And that kind of headspace breeds a person like Mary, one who will abandon any moral compass so long as it punishes the “decadent” and puts her in religious authority over the “fallen” because she firmly believes that is all that matters in her faith.

    Faith not works. Actions, doing right by people, actually wanting to help others because of others and not one’s own self? That’s the actions of dupes of the Antichrist. True Christians in her worldview know that kindness to those who are tainted merely taints you in turn. And we see that in other places, with Carol’s targeted cruelty towards Becky and Toedad’s refusal to “give in” to his daughter’s “emotional blackmail”.

    And that’s why Mary is so powerful as an antagonist. She’s not just one random percussion instrument who is a cruel mean girl for meanness’s sake. She’s an avatar for an entire culture that goes out of its way to make life as hard as possible for anyone non-normative.

    She is the voice of that dominant group right now. The one who can cheer and support Trump because he hates the same groups as him. The one who views it as morally good to lie and torture and kill so long as it “serves” the Lord’s interests in getting more bodies in the pews or more money to his “holiest of servants”.

    And that’s why Mary is so pleased with herself. By this worldview, she is the golden child. It’s just in every other worldview, that makes her the villain who threatens their lives.

    1. Felgraf

      “Yes. I know. He’s Vorbis,” said Brutha. “Vorbis changed people. Sometimes he changed them into dead people. But he always changed them. That was his triumph.”
      — (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

  70. Cerberus

    Malaya: And Malaya is a perfect foil for her, because Mary never likes to come in direct, only sideways, exploiting social bigotries, exploiting fears. She exercises a type of evil that believes itself hands-off. That will comfort itself with how “she wasn’t really responsible” that one of her targets killed herself.

    And Malaya doesn’t really play any games with sideways. She likes direct and frank and doesn’t like it when folks want her to play a specific role in their stories or those she sees as fake.

    And that’s the thing about Mary. She oozes fake out of every pore, because she hasn’t mastered the art of hiding it and presenting a faux-sympathetic face at first for more devastating damage.

    And Malaya will just straight up not play. She’ll go off script all the time and that disrupts folks who consider themselves master manipulators (I’m thinking of Susan’s interaction with Tom in El Goonish Shive). So her jumping on “servant” to be like cool, carry this box I don’t want to carry ’cause it’s heavy without wasting a blink.

    Like, don’t get me wrong, Malaya is a ginormous asshole and reacts similarly to attempts to be ultra-nice and be friends with her that she does to someone manipulating her and really can only be approached a certain way for her to consider you someone worth spending time with.

    And in that space she can be very nice. Her learning sign language for Marcie is very sweet and shows that she has a way of showing respect back sometimes that is very Malaya, but she’s got one hell of a crusty exterior many would be justified in not bothering with.

    But what gives Malaya an amazing amount of power is an aspect of that crustiness. And that is she legitimately doesn’t care about social disapproval or personal dislike.

    Like a lot of us want to be liked. When someone hates us it hurts and we want to be the sort of person that others think well of. And this can open a vulnerability to underhanded people if they can attack that idea that if we do X, we’ll be loathed.

    Malaya doesn’t care. She doesn’t really need people per se and would be just as happy friendless and loathed as she would be surrounded by loved ones. Because she doesn’t really value the perspectives of people who loathe her.

    And that gives her possible the most powerful weapon against Mary imaginable. By being armor and spikes, she doesn’t have easy vulnerabilities or painful spots to exploit and she is unwilling to care about “seeming rude” and giving someone a chance to say their peace so long as they are “seeming nice”.

    And I think it’s going to lead to one of the more interesting conflicts of this hall as Mary very likely turns to anger at her manipulation effort being so easily dismissed.

    1. Pablo360

      Simply by comparing her to Susan, you have made Malaya infinitely more likeable in my eyes. So, and I’ve said this before, but thanks.

      1. Pablo360

        Also, apparently the intersection of “people who read Dumbing of Age” and “people who read El Goonish Shive” has at least a somewhat larger intersection than I had initially guessed. I guess the readings of two different webcomics aren’t statistically independent.

    2. Felgraf

      I really should get back into El Goonish Shive.

      1. 3oranges

        If it helps, I think Cerberus is talking about the interaction starting here:
        http://www.egscomics.com/index.php?id=1789

      2. ValdVin

        I have started at EGS’ beginning and am up to 2009. If you are the sort who likes things in order*, the sequence mentioned by 3oranges is in 2014.

        *I’m almost obsessive about it.

        1. Pablo360

          Of course, EGS is a long-running webcomic that started in the early 2000’s so it’s probably a perfect example of something you probably don’t need to read from the beginning, and in fact probably shouldn’t.

        2. ValdVin

          There is something about linear webcomic storytelling where, when things aren’t quite ssorted out, skipping thing means sometimes missing important character moments.

          Difficult to compare to other story forms. Maybe novel series are like that?

        3. thejeff

          Any kind of serial storytelling really. Comics would be the obvious example.

          Long form tv series. Even many of the ones that are mostly episodic often see important character bits in the episodes where the main plot is forgettable.

          One thing about webcomics is that, being essentially amateur self-published works, you tend to see much more of the creator’s development as both artist and writer than in other forms, where more of that would have been done before their main published work. Makes reading the early strips of some series that I love painful. The rerunning of Roomies!/It’s Walky! with present Willis’s commentary really hammers that home.

      3. Roborat

        I think it is one of the best webcomics out there. I read hundreds and it is in my top 10.

    3. ValdVin

      Malaya’s likeability increases when in Mary’s vicinity, compared to anyone we’ve seen Malaya.interact.with at Read. Says something about each of them, doesn’t it?

    4. Rukdug

      I think that a large part of the reason some of us like Malaya so much is that we wish that we didn’t care what other people thought about us. That we didn’t always worry about what other people think about us. Because quite honestly, that’s a very freeing thing, apathy towards how you’re perceived. It keeps you from being hurt, but it does keep you from experiencing love. It’s strength, it’s self-confidence, and it’s honesty. We all wish we could have that. To be ourselves without being judged. So we like Malaya, because in a lot of ways, she’s what we want to be.

      1. Rukdug

        *doesn’t not does (right before “experiencing love”).

  71. Electriccombines

    And in one sentence, Malaya became the hero of Read.

    1. Pablo360

      “She’s the hero Read Hall needs… but not the one it deserves…”

      or something, I haven’t actually seen that movie

  72. hof1991

    Yep, it’s Fuckface. Can’t wait for Mary to pick it up and find out it has a live animal inside.

    1. Felgraf

      .. Ooooh. THAT’S why the RA emphasized “ABSOLUTELY NO PETS.”

      … oh god Mary’s going to open the box, isn’t she.

      1. MM

        Please please please let Mary open the box.

        1. 3oranges

          So she can report Malaya? Iguanas are very standoffish when they want to be left alone, which one in a kicked box certainly would, but respect that and they leave you alone. There’s no comeuppance in that.

          Maybe you are expecting a box of bees? I don’t see how that would make sense, but I guess I’d be ok with it anyway.

        2. Roborat

          I am hoping it launches itself out of the box and does it’s best facehugger impersonation on Mary.

        3. StClair

          No, we’re expecting a repeat of That Strip, but with an agitated iguana in place of a pie.

        4. StClair

          … which is pretty much what Roborat said, just above.

  73. Cabinderada

    I know I am late to this show but Ha Ha, Fuck you, Mary!

  74. Remmington Steele

    She carries her heart in a box?

  75. Liliet

    Might Marcie be the perfect antibody to Mary?
    Might Mary have just found her real eternal arch-nemesis?
    I want more of this.

  76. Wolfe

    Her shirt looks like it says “BAD” in one panel and “RAD” in another. I approve of either.

  77. ValdVin

    Enforced cheery greetings in the retail sector will soon be upon us. Theres a little part of me who wants a Malaya type to just blow.a hole in the insincere, mandated behavior.
    .
    “Contractually-obligated welcome to MegaLoMart, whats it to ya?”

  78. podian

    And just like that, Malaya managed to become about three times more likable than before.

  79. Smooti

    Malaya’s awesome.

    Anyway, Fuckface is in there and I hope he lizard poops on Mary.

  80. Rukdug

    And in the DoA comments they say
    Malaya’s fanbase grew
    Three sizes that day.
    But seriously go Malaya. I know you can be an asshole, but you’re a very relatable asshole.

  81. Harvey Janus

    I don’t particularly like Malaya, but this was awesome.

  82. Tenn

    This is Malaya’s purpose. ^_^

    Hmm.

    I wonder if she and Carla will hit it off… or hit each other.

    1. thejeff

      Malaya and Carla have known each other since their introduction, which was practically speaking the same strip – Malaya had an earlier non-speaking cameo.

    2. Deanatay

      I get the impression that Carla will insult Malaya, and Malaya will insult Carla, but that neither will disrespect the other and they’ll totally hold each other at a cool distance.

      In other words, they will TOTALLY get along.

  83. Jared

    Why does that box appear to have air holes…

  84. Delavan

    Wash the feet, Mary! Wash the damn feet!

  85. y3k

    …Let them fight.

  86. Anikiki

    Malaya has a lot of DVDs. Also, Why does the box have holes in them?

  87. Mortartarsaus

    Okay Malaya; you’ve made me like you a bit more with that exchange.

  88. Jack Faire

    Hoisted by her own petard I loves it

  89. Roger Sterling

    “I am the scourge of God. If you hadn’t been such a shitheel, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you.”
    -Malaya, Khan of Reed Hall

  90. Jenna

    slowbrain.jpg

    DING DING DING DING DING LESBIAN GIRLFRIEND WHO DOESN’T KNOW SHE IS GIRLFRIEND ROOMS WITH HER GIRLFRIEND’S BEST FRIEND WHO IS JEALOUS OF HER I am so slow on the uptake.

  91. IllogicalBobcat

    I like this because I was that guy. Oh you want to bring me into your internal politics by offering to help? Here’s some work, let me go do other shit.

    1. Nezumi

      … Honestly, this is Malaya. I don’t think this was a deliberate rejection of the power play. I’m pretty sure she’s just that arrogant and clueless.

  92. Robert

    Well it looks like Mary’s gamble didn’t pay off….

  93. Jhon

    Yay Malaya!

    1. SgtWadeyWilson

      Indeed.

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