171

Retrieve
Posted on August 7, 2021 by David M Willis

171 thoughts on “Retrieve”

  1. RassilonTDavros

    Danny encountering Sal immediately after losing a bicycle is a multiversal constant.

    1. RassilonTDavros

      …something’s not right here

      1. King Daniel

        Exactly, Danny’s bike wasn’t stolen!

        1. Kyrik Michalowski

          Maybe Danny’s ‘good egg’ charm is enough to keep him from being robbed… for now.

        2. Clif

          Willis continues to build towards his surprise Sal/Joe and Joyce/Danny pairings.

        3. Yumi

          They all somehow agree to go on a double date, but they get mixed up about who’s paired with whom.

        4. Ryan

          Joyl and Doe?

        5. Casi

          Doyl and Joe

        6. misanthropope

          “Jal” and “Dance”

        7. BarerMender

          Maybe he left the bike at the bike store.

      2. Anthony Paoli

        Does this make you the new Ana?

        1. Clif

          Was there something wrong with the old Ana?

        2. Anthony Paoli

          Not at all, we all love Ana, I was just making a joke about Ana not making the first comment.
          (Which happens from time to time, I know, but it’s still rare enough that it’s fun to comment on.)

      3. DudeMyDadOwnsaDealership

        Seems a little too in-character for Danny for it to reach ‘something is not right, here…’ levels.

        Every Jerry needs his Beth, after all……..

  2. Ana Chronistic

    Here’s how you’re supposed to do it, Danno

    1. Doctor_Who

      That’s somehow an even more Dannyish way to do it, so I’ll actually give him props for NOT doing that. Perhaps there’s hope for him after all.

    2. Demoted Oblivious

      The bike thieves in my town are rather adept at riding one and pushing a second bike along beside them. The cops either don’t or can’t do anything about them, and to everyone else they’re just part of the scenery.

      1. milu

        I’ve ridden a bike while pushing a second bike beside me for non-crime reasons a few times…?

        1. Minotaur

          Me too, but I live in Amsterdam, so possibly that doesn’t count. Also, I’ve carried my locked bike across town without anyone commenting. Bicycle keys are tiny, they fall out of pockets…

        2. Felix

          You don’t keep your on a key ring? I have mine on a key ring attached to my wallet.

        3. Demoted Oblivious

          It’s more a combination of it being
          1. The same dudes each time
          2. Different bikes each time
          3. Sometimes the former chain/bike lock is still present
          4. The bolt cutter being loosely held across the handle bars of the bike they’re riding.
          5. The rate at which locals report stolen bikes to the police
          It’s not always all of these. But theres a high enough occurrence in a small enough town that… well… it /could/ be decent folks just having a day. It just computes to something else very reasonably.

        4. milu

          ok yeah, that does end up looking pretty sus. if i were them and i was doing such great business though, i would buy a van.

    3. Johan

      How did you?

  3. Wagstaff

    Hmm….. who do you know of who might be hungry for some wonder-bread?

    1. Meagan

      Good question. Danny deserves to be with someone who appreciates him.

  4. newlland(Henryvolt)

    Good for you Danny, you got to love yourself first and foremost before someone else can.

    1. Meagan

      This immediately popped in my head when I read your comment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2lmojePnA0

      1. Wagstaff

        Ah, self-love. It’s the subject of corny songs and cheesy internet memes.

        But it’s important to seriously reckon that self-love is the foundation of all love. Self-love isn’t about being proud or immodest. It isn’t about deluding ourselves that we have some special importance. It’s about being secure in our self-worth. When we don’t have an abiding internal sense of our own worth, we often end up seeking validation from external agents (some of which are more than happy to take advantage of us).

        1. Demoted Oblivious

          Can confirm: couldn’t find love on mirror; have wrecked life looking for love in toxic pairings.

        2. milu

          but Wagstaff, the song isn’t corny it’s sarcastic ^^

          to the extent that it says anything about self-love, and in the larger context of the show where this is a running theme, i think it’s that without a healthy sense of self-worth, women are especially vulnerable to prescriptions about body-normativity, insidiously repackaged as feminist based on a recuperation of the “personal is political” maxim and of the idea of radical self-love.

          see, e.g., Andi Zeisler:

          “It never meant that everything that’s personal is political, but here we are with bikini waxing as a political statement.
          (…)
          (it’s) this idea that if you’re a feminist, everything you do must somehow be bent to fit this idea of your own personal politics, even if it might be or should be inherently apolitical.
          (…)
          we see a lot more acknowledgement these days that men don’t get off easy in the body-imperative marketplace. But (…) the difference is that they don’t often have to defend their personal or physical or sexual choices as political ones.”

        3. Wagstaff

          It’s the same basic poison as social media, and of many religions.

          It starts when individuals create an image, or god, as an idealized amalgamation of their greatest virtues, and then cling to these fabrications, preferring them to reality. And slowly people become alienated from themselves, through unfavorable comparison of their selves to an image, a god they forgot THEY created.

  5. Nono

    Danny: I like pretty things! …Like you.

    1. crow

      That’s kinda gay bro

      1. Sirksome

        Danny is pretty though. He’s also not really smooth enough to pull off that line.

        1. milu

          Danny: Do you like pretty things, like flowers… or me?

      2. Demoted Oblivious

        It made me smile gaily too, Mr Crow.

  6. Kravis

    MC Hammer knows what Danny likes, for he can’t lie.

  7. Stephen Bierce

    Thought I heard something about how things happen in cycles?

    1. Wagstaff

      Wanna play something to break your Muzak back in?

  8. Vukodlak

    Sal: “Did you buy condoms too?”

    1. Clif

      AmaziGirl always had them on hand.

  9. Grimey

    No one has any idea what they’re doing here, and that is fine.

  10. Joe Moose

    As the sentimentally romantic sap I am, I cannot help myself by going, “Awwww…!” at this strip.

  11. Sirksome

    Guys can like flowers and pretty things! It’s 2021. Get outta your box, Sal!

    1. Clif

      I brought you some flowers because I knew you would enjoy watching them die.

    2. Keulen

      As a guy, I wouldn’t mind if a girl gave me flowers. I’d probably kill them since I’m bad at keeping plants alive, but I’d enjoy being given them.

      1. ValdVin

        But they’re flowers, implying “cut flowers”. They’re already going to die, which takes the burden off you.

        My wife also has a brown thumb and doubly enjoys flowers for the above reason.

  12. Kyrik Michalowski

    Oh Danny boy, you are so… you. I really want this ship to sail but I fear the wrath of the Willis. Who wants to make bets on what’s going to happen?

    My money is on Sal asking Danny out, and him bumbling (albeit sweetly) through their date.

    1. Sirksome

      I think she might go for it. She does actually like him and has hinted at him before he could’ve made a move. But I do also think that’s too obvious now. Sal’s kind of been getting in her own way with her cool loner shctick this story so she could easily blow this.

      1. JBento

        It’s the guy who can’t stand up for himself and the girl who can’t stand anyone else. They’d get on like a house on fire. Screams, flames, people running for safety…

        1. Spencer

          Danny has recently learned the power of Self-Respect.

          Also he gets off on being dominated so he’ll be fine.

    2. Radiance

      My money’s just on her telling him “you missed your chance”, for one reason or another. That’s the vibe I’m getting from their interactions lately.

    3. I am Nothing

      Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling…
      …From glen to glen, and down the mountain side.

    4. Wereg

      I’m betting that Willis faffs about with Sal and Asher for a little bit, then Danny and Sal go out for a bit. Eventually, Danny gets insecure about Asher for one of a dozen reasons and that insecurity manifests in the form of a few issues that eventually ends the relationship.

      1. Sirksome

        I don’t think Asher would be the problem. Sal is definitely attracted to him but as long as he’s dating Jennifer I don’t see them hanging out much. Honestly I think a surprise Ethan reappearance would threaten any future romances involving Danny.

        1. Spencer

          Yeah that’s what I’m thinking too.

          A move’ll finally be made and out walks Bully Siegal with Thor’s hammer.

    5. Keulen

      I’m kinda shipping them now. Seems like Sal and Danny in this universe would be a much healthier couple than their counterparts in the other universe.

      1. RassilonTDavros

        There are no healthy OG-Walkyverse pairings involving either Danny or Sal, honestly.

  13. Bicycle Bill

    For whatever it’s worth, it’s not that hard to ride one bike while holding a second bike upright. The common term for it is “ghost-riding”. Just grasp the second bike where the handlebars meet the stem and hold it out at arm’s length to one side or the other, as shown here.

  14. Wagstaff

    I CAN’T WAIT until bouquets are replaced with something else as the *official* gift of affection.

    They’re expensive, impractical, and just so bourgeois.

    1. King Daniel

      Counterpoint: they look pretty and smell good.

      1. Wagstaff

        So does a well made meal, but you can’t eat a bouquet (usually).

      2. Azhrei Vep

        Counter-counterpoint: They looks awful and smell gross.

        1. King Daniel

          exCUSE me?? If flowers “look awful and smell gross”, then what are your standards for looking pretty and smelling good? 😛

        2. He Who Abides

          Zoidberg.

    2. Clif

      Is it still bourgeois if the flowers were stolen liberated?

    3. Clif

      In any case, I have to disagree with your premise. It’s only fair to give her a gift that is as ephemeral as your love.

      1. Wagstaff

        Just who are you referring to? Love in general or just Danny’s?

      2. Wagstaff

        In either case, even if the love is ephemeral, a well-made meal is too, but you can’t eat a bouquet (usually).

        Even if you could eat a bouquet technically, it doesn’t taste nearly as good as, say, Mac and Cheese!!!!

        1. I am Nothing

          I don’t like Mac and Cheese, Mr. Wagstaff.

        2. Wagstaff

          Oh. Do you like Omelet Rice? Or Crispex corndogs?

        3. I am Nothing

          I don’t think I’ve ever eaten either of these, so…

          Both?

        4. Wagstaff

          You won’t regret it! At the very least, not if I made them…

        5. Wagstaff

          Oh! I didn’t mean that in a romantic kind of way!

          But those are still EXCELLENT dishes and definitely worth trying out when you get the opportunity!

        6. voidsiren

          My next spoil-yourself 4m4z0n gift is going to be one of those square frying pans that people use for bento omelets. I’m insanely jealous that you eat omelet rice. Just cus I wanna try making it and haven’t had the chance to yet.

        7. Spencer

          omelet rice sounds delicious wtf

        8. Clif

          Silly Voidsiren. Square frying pans are for making cornbread.

        9. Bicycle Bill

          My mom’s had two of those for literally decades, although she doesn’t use them for omelets as such. But she does make an omelet-like fried egg (crack a single egg into a swirl mixer, add some chopped onions and green peppers, then pour into the pan and fry it hard), and the pan makes the finished fried egg just the right size to put between two pieces of bread with mustard and Miracle Whip. Fresh fried-egg sandwiches ….. yummy!!

    4. Fist_of_Life

      They are just as expensive, impractical, and bourgeois as whatever would probably replace them.

      1. Clif

        Specially grown Love Cabbages.

      2. Wagstaff

        A well-made meal provides marvelous taste and nutrients. A bouquet does not.

        1. King Daniel

          A well-made meal can be the best-cooked in the world, but if I’m not hungry it’s just going to sit there and go cold. And then I’d feel bad.

        2. timemonkey

          Said meal is gone very quickly while flowers last for a few weeks,

  15. DailyBrad

    Interesting. I think it’s a cute pairing, but I am mostly wondering what brought it on, since Danny had not previously pursued her, really. Like, I wonder what else is going on, both in his life and if they’re still tutor/student buds or what.

    1. Spencer

      Well when Sal joked(?) about it when Danny was flirting as aggressively terrible as possible, Danny kind of stammered out that he liked her, but he’s only capable of having romantic feelings for one person at a time, which was Ethan.

      So he’s probably given up on that.

  16. plasticwrap

    What a waste of money, you stupid monkey.

    1. Clif

      If she doesn’t want them, there’s always Ethan.

      1. Geneseepaws

        No, Ethan didn’t come back after break. He’s back home.

        1. Yumi

          Has that been confirmed anywhere, or is it speculation?

        2. BBCC

          It’s been actively contradicted. Walky’s said he’s seen him since returning from break and he looks super emo now iirc.

        3. Yumi

          Yeah, I remember that strip, but there was the possibility from it that Walky has seen Ethan looking like that on social media. And actually looking back at that strip, it seems ambiguous enough that Walky could have been referring to Ethan before the new semester.

        4. Delicious Taffy

          Then who’s Mike supposed to be disguised as, then?

        5. Clif

          Jennifer and Booster. And switching back and forth between them is quite enough to keep them busy.

      2. Keulen

        I doubt Danny has much chance with Ethan anymore. Not after the last time we saw them together, when he was badmouthing Mike in front of Ethan in the hospital.

        1. Clif

          On the other hand, Mike’s not around much anymore.

        2. Clif

          And I don’t think either the Jenifer or Booster identities would appeal to Ethan.

        3. Delicious Taffy

          It’s true. Mike’s emotions are no longer a factor, because he’s physically incapable of having them anymore. Unless he’s Jennifer now, which I refuse to rule out.

        4. Clif

          word of Willis that Jennifer is Mike.

          I would put the link, but I can’t remember the name of the file I put the link in so that I would have it when needed.

        5. Spencer

          Danny will try again with renewed vigor when he meets Goth Ethan.

  17. Thag Simmons

    Well, he ain’t stepped on a rake yet.

    So that’s a plus

    1. Keulen

      There’s still plenty of time for him to do so.

  18. cmasta1992

    Oh hey two more faces what with I want to kiss each other.

  19. Samantha

    This is adorable and I can actually see it working. They like eachother and Sal seems to find his goofiness endearing

  20. BBCC

    The noises I made are not human. This is SO CUTE, aaaaaahhhhh Danny.

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      I can only imagine what unearthly noise you made sounded like. Glad to see you’re enjoying the Danny/Sal ship as much as I am.

  21. Yakumo

    Possibly most spot on alt-text in this series. Easily top five.

    1. Clif

      Yeah, when the natural order is disrupted so implausibly, it’s necessary to lampshade it in some manner.

  22. Yotomoe

    o3o I’d buy bouquets for myself if flowers didn’t cost a million dollars. And…y’know. I didn’t like creature comforts like video games and candy way more than flowers. It’s probably why I’m not romantic.

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      My gifts to my latest ex were all video games and fudge. Shd certainly enjoyed the useful gifts.

      1. Yotomoe

        I just want a gf who can beat me in fighting games 😛

        1. milu

          video games count as creature comforts? XD
          i’m sure to an alien ethnologist that would appear every bit as abstract a pleasure as the esthetic enjoyment of dead plant genitals

    2. Wagstaff

      Eh, besides impractical, bourgeois gifts, Romanticism and it’s fallacious ideals really did a lot of damage to the ability of people around the world to lead successful emotional lives.

      It’s likely that not being romantic is actually a good thing.

    3. Yumi

      Bouquets don’t have to cost a million dollars (though I guess it depends on how much the metaphorical million dollars is equated to), though they can be expensive. But I like to buy a cheap one from time to time as a little gift/decoration. They can be nice to have around.

    4. voidsiren

      I love getting bouquets as gifts, simply because they’re so rare for me to get. I can count the amount of times I’ve been given them.

      Unfortunately, people don’t check which flowers are safe around cats, so most of them die outside.

  23. Jammy

    Jeez, even Willis doesn’t think Danny’s sharp enough to buy a lock for the bike. Sick burn?

    1. Yumi

      He bought a lock, he just forgot to lock his bike to anything.

      Though in my college town, there were definitely bike thiefs who weren’t stopped by locks, especially some of the types.

      1. Yumi

        *thieves, lol…

      2. Needfuldoer

        People can destroy those cable-style bike locks with their bare hands. The really cheap ones just pull apart, and the ‘better’ ones are just aircraft cable anyway. “Locks only keep an honest man honest”, after all.

        I like to think Danny locked his bike to a nearly full rack, but when he returned all the other bikes were stolen, leaving his surrounded by cut locks and one front wheel still chained up. Because it’s just not a desirable bike, it’s the last one standing.

        1. Wagstaff

          Just clip a bunch of colored wires, tubes and electronic-looking things to it. Chances are the thief will think it’s dangerous and won’t mess with it.

        2. I am Nothing

          I don’t want to risk being arrested for a bomb scare.

        3. Wagstaff

          I thought of this solution when I remembered when I built a notification system for my mail box when I was a kid. The mail man got scared of it, but didn’t specifically think it was a bomb.

          Maybe I need to build a dye pack or something for use in bikes…

        4. I am Nothing

          I’d simply recommend adding a spoiler and bright pink paint to your bike. Nobody would wanna be caught riding that!

        5. Wagstaff

          What if they identify as a girl? And like pink things?

        6. I am Nothing

          Add flames to the side!

          All girls are deterred by flames.

        7. Wagstaff

          What if they’re also a pyrophile? Or a fan of Fire Force?

        8. I am Nothing

          Well, I guess my logic has been backed into a corner.

          The only other thing I could recommend would be to cut the brakes entirely.

          Maybe it’s just destiny for your bike to be eventually stolen?

        9. Wagstaff

          Not if I can help it!

          With the power of SCIENCE!!!

        10. Delicious Taffy

          Pink paint just means they’re gonna trash your lock extra hard because now they gotta spraypaint over it later on and that’s material cost they could be using on meth or lootboxes.

    2. RacingTurtle

      Nah, it’s just twenty-odd-year-old bike theft trauma reasserting itself once more. In another lifetime, Danny had his bike stolen; as I recall, it was inspired by an autobiographical true crime story

    3. Amos Batista

      Is Indiana that so insecure you have to woeey about lock you bike?

      1. Clif

        If it’s like the rest of America, yes, since the early ’60s.

      2. Delicious Taffy

        I don’t even let mine out of sight when I’m in a store. It has to be right by the front window of wherever I’m shopping, because I know some smug asshole is gonna try stealing it and then get all uppity about it when they’re caught in the act. Can’t even ride it to Walmart (or really anywhere since my house is right by the highway and there are no fucking sidewalks in this hellhole).

        That’s Illinois, but I imagine Indiana is more or less the same thing, just with more queer and Irish people.

      3. Spencer

        The hell part of the world are you in where you don’t worry about thieves?

        Someone tries to break into every car in the neighbourhood on a nightly basis to steal loose change. We just kind of have a laugh about it now like ah shoulda locked your car mate the nickel bandit strikes again

        1. Delicious Taffy

          The fuckin’ audacity of that person. They could at least tidy up the floorboards.

      4. Amos Batista

        “woeey”
        kkkk

  24. adam Black

    Dannys never going to suck a dick , is he?

    1. Delicious Taffy

      Well, he’s been goin’ pretty ham on his own, especially in the lead-up to the timeskip.

      1. Spencer

        He asserted himself in the face of his crush telling him in no uncertain terms that he’d have let Mike laugh at Danny if he were in a coma.

        Yeah Danny shoved his foot in his mouth, but everything he said about Mike was true. No it’s not okay to joke about someone never waking up from a coma, but what the hell kinda person do you gotta be so that someone thinks it?

        1. He Who Abides

          Someone who thinks it’s fun to wind up a mentally ill person just to see what happens next, sabotages someone else’s new relationship rather than just asking to switch bunks, uses blatantly false misandrist bullshit to justify beating a guy halfway to Hell, and seduces their best friend because they can use that fornication to needle said best friend’s crush?

          I mean, the bestest guy ever because his previous-universe version was a slightly less abhorrent ass-wipe. That’s how we’re supposed to think of him, right?

    2. Spencer

      He sucked on self-respect. Dicks are secondary.

  25. Josh Spicer

    I’m going to assume that Danny does like pretty things even though the bouquet is probably for Sal.

  26. Rabisch

    This scenario remember me of “Romeo and Juliet”. I just hope there will not be the same amount of tragedy, but a poor bike has already disappeared… not a good sign! I’m sorry, I love this couple, but something tells me they can’t be happy.

    1. Clif

      No, no. It’s like the Sherlock Holmes inversion of the dog that didn’t bark. The significant point is that the old bike didn’t disappear in spite of Danny buying and giving a new one away to Sal. Just as Sherlock could conclude that the dog knew the interloper, so we can conclude that Night Guy was on patrol protecting the campus and surrounding environment. Otherwise, it simply doesn’t make sense.

  27. JessWitt

    Danny can make a flower crown from that bouquet. His head has looked naked for a while.

  28. TlalocW

    So the nerd in me what’s them to hook up and it be the best sex Sal ever had. Make it happen.

    1. Clif

      That would, in fact, be an interesting development. Unfortunately it would require that Danny find it disappointing.

    2. Spencer

      Sal strikes me as someone who unloads a lot of aggression when boning.

      Which is helpful, since Danny wants someone to be aggressive at him.

  29. BenRG

    Yes, Sal, he is interested in you “that way”! So, now you’ve got to decide what you’re going to do about it!

  30. AGV

    Maybe it’s Maybelline

  31. K. Ivan Ruppert

    You know…

    I’m not against Danny actually having a chance with Sal in this timeline.

  32. darkoneko

    Woah dude, you are absolutely hopeless (tho not necessarily in a bad way)

  33. Bagge

    …smooth?

    Well, at least very Danny.

  34. milu

    the romance in this chapter continues to be suspiciously non-bad

    1. JBento

      This has all the trappings of a non-toxic relationship, and I don’t trust it.

      1. Spencer

        I’m worried because there’s no way Dumbing of Age will let two burgeoning romances where both parties have standard amount of relationship drama stand at the same time.

  35. Amos Batista

    Danny just crossed the “pure romantic” border and is entereing the “inconvenient one” territory…

    1. Clif

      He crossed a border. Which one remains to be seen.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        In a move that baffles everyone, he’s somehow managed to cross the border between Germany and Ethiopia.

        1. milu

          A bit of digging turns up that Kenya (south of Ethiopia) was under German authority for a few years during the 1880s, and a quick back-calculation based on the current rate of the sliding timescale (10 years real-time =4 months comic-time) suggests that Danny was about 13 years old then.

          So, only mildly baffled.

    2. Spencer

      It’ll only get inconvenient when Goth Ethan walks into frame within the next few strips.

      Because now Ethan is the Amber. It’s like poetry, it rhymes.

  36. thumb

    . . . Danny

  37. Buli-buli

    Well, Willis apoears to be making my two favorite ships canon. In freshman year. So… they’re doomed, huh?

    1. Spencer

      Damn so that’s how Danny and Billie stuck through Roomies together

      He met her when he was a sophomore

  38. Alex

    I bet Sal goes for it, but for the wrong reasons.

  39. Wendy

    Danny’s a great character, but as a person he’s kind of a slimy little asshole. I really hope Sal doesn’t go for this. She deserves way better.

    1. Spencer

      My Danny Criticism senses were activated and I am here to argue in his defense.

      Counterpoint: nuh-uh he’s great

      1. Clif

        The power of your argument compels me. He’s a great slimy little asshole and exactly what Sal deserves!

        Wait. What?

        1. Spencer

          All Danny and Sal need to make this work are a dog collar and a leash.

  40. Needfuldoer

    Danny needs to learn how to ride a bike with one hand, while ‘towing’ another bike with the other hand by steering it where the handlebar meets the post.

    It’s kinda slow, but it works.

    Either that, or take the front wheel off the second bike and wedge its front fork onto the rear axle of the one you’re riding. Sometimes you can do that if both bikes have quick-disconnect levers.

    1. Vulcanodon

      Easier than it looks. I usually ride the smaller bike and hold on to the gooseneck of the larger bike. You get a lot of weird looks though.

  41. Leadsynth

    I’m just here to point out that Sal also took Danny’s helmet. So unless Danny bought another at the mall, he was biking around helmetless, and Sal now has TWO because of her roller derby helmet.

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