177

Roadway
Posted on February 13, 2018 by David M Willis

177 thoughts on “Roadway”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    tomorrow they’ll be building a bypass through there

    1. Koms

      It’s a highway to hell

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        More like highway Through hell. Sarah’s personal hell.

    2. Adept Arcanist

      Naw, it’ll definitely happen on Thursday.

      1. MatthewTheLucky

        That sort of thing always happens on Thursdays.

        1. LookingIn

          It seems more like a Monday thing…

        2. Opus the Poet

          That’s the planet getting destroyed to prevent blocking the view of Venus from Mars.

        3. jeffepp

          “My Iludium Q Explosive Space Modulator!”

        4. David DeLaney

          Q-_38_. Please!

          –Dave, i am getting very angry. very angry indeed!

        5. Furie

          Starting to feel like a Craig David song in here…

        6. Xenocide

          I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

        7. Joe Covenant

          I think I’ll just go and have a little lie down somewhere…

        8. Skorpeyon

          But the plans were on display…

        9. MutantSentry

          They were on display… I eventually had to go down to the cellar!

    3. Aggrax

      Only until Sarah convinces the head of construction to take Joyce’s place on the ground in front of the bulldozer so they can have a drink at the pub go to class.

      1. Aggrax

        I FUCKED IT UP!

        1. Inahc

          according to the source, you successfully closed the first strike tag, but then immediately opened a new one. and successfully closed that one at the end, too. o.0

        2. Needfuldoer

          I think maybe the comment system puts close tags on the end so mangled HTML syntax doesn’t bleed through to other comments.

          Let’s try it. This text has no intentional close tags, I assure you.

        3. Joe Covenant

          adding to check.

    4. Haven

      They could charge for it.

      You know, put up a toel booth.

      1. Joe Covenant

        Pfffttt..
        I wouldn’t be footing the bill for that!

        1. adjudicus

          I r-ankle at the thought of paying someone

        2. Kryss LaBryn

          Well, I mean, she knee’ds to cover potential medical bills somehow…

        3. Clif

          She’ll have to leg it over to the bank for a loan.

        4. Yet_One_More_Idiot

          It could be really expensive, and may cost you your sole just to get through the barrier…

    5. Deanatay

      Hopefully not a HYPERSPACE bypass, or they’ll be demolishing a LOT more than Joyce ‘n’ Sarah’s room…

    6. Roborat

      Hope everyone has their towels.

  2. Doctor_Who

    This needs to lead into a strip where they run in and out of dorm rooms, while the shot stays in the hallway. Sometimes Faz is chasing Amber, sometimes they run in opposite directions, Scooby and the gang make a brief appearance, etc.

    1. David Fenger

      With Yakkety Sax playing?

      1. Stephen Bierce

        “Hot To Trot” by Elfman is better, IMO.

        1. Stephen Bierce

          I don’t know if this clip has the part I mean, but maybe?

        2. Chronos

          I’m a fan of the Comedian’s Gallop

      2. Jess

        PHHREEEEEW, doo-doo doodle-doo-doo-do-do-do do-do-do doot doot doo-doodledeedee beedeepbeedeep!

    2. Johan

      Norville is already a character in the strip so…

      1. MM

        And Amber just needs a quick costume change to pass for Velma.

        1. Doctor_Who

          I nominate Fuckface to be Scooby.

        2. LookingIn

          I nominate Faz for Scrappy…or is it too obvious?

        3. MM

          …I’m actually feeling compelled to defend Scrappy now.

        4. Wizard

          In fairness, Scrappy was actually pretty popular at first. He just got over-used and over-exposed until people got tired of him.

        5. Roborat

          Wasn’t popular with me. I found him annoying pretty much immediately.

        6. hof1991

          He lived long enough to become a villain.

        7. Daibhid C

          THAT WASN’T EVEN CANON!

          …Huh. It turns out I have Opinions on Scooby Doo canon. I’m as surprised as anyone.

        8. HeatherJean

          Wasn’t it Dorothy who dressed up as Velma for Halloween?

    3. Inahc

      Yes. 🙂

    4. HeatherJean

      My favorite would be:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMUAamPDo4Q

      1. Doctor_Who

        That episode was overall terrible, but that sequence almost made it worth it.

    5. David DeLaney

      Ringo, Paul, George, and John open a door and wave, briefly!

      –Dave, on tiptoe

  3. King Daniel

    What’s Sarah got against Steven, anyway?

    1. Inahc

      Lol 🙂

    2. Doctor_Who

      She’s taking the latest hiatus very hard.

      1. LookingIn

        Cue up the people blaming TTG! and Gumball, the usual targets…

        1. Khyrin

          did you SEE the Christmas to New Years day release schedule?

          they ran EVERY EPISODE of TTG! twice. and then half of them a third time. it was literally their entire daytime programming, except for a half-hour slot on the twenty-ninth, when they ran two episodes of Steven Universe.

          I understand that we may sound whiny, but in a vacuum… any marathon that requires you to double or triple up on episodes is too long.

    3. C.

      Her problem is more with Greg, who now has a decent sum of money yet still lives in his van.

      1. Needfuldoer

        It’s easier to save money than make money.

    4. BenRG

      She doesn’t like people who get to save the day by accident.

  4. Deathjavu

    This series of strips has had approximately infinitely % too much Faz

    I look forward to later sympathizing with this awful creature

  5. MM

    Look on the bright side, Sarah; at least he didn’t stop to hit on you.

    1. ninjazaku

      *”Ugh, Excalibur” face*

      Yet.

  6. Yumi

    Don’t overhype it, Joyce. It’s a decent, hopefully first attempt.

    1. Deanatay

      Actually, he’s tried six times before this, and got increasingly frustrated with each consecutive one.

      And on the seventh try, he settled.

      1. King Daniel

        Only settling after the seventh restart? True Civ players use the start they’re given.

        1. David DeLaney

          Dwarf Fortress players learn to recognize a hopeless situation at a glance. …this doesn’t stop them from running with it though.

          –Dave, and now I’m thinking of a DoA mod for it, aieee

  7. Sunny D

    Wait Amber’s dorm is connected to Dorothy’s isn’t it? So how/why did Amber and Faz get to Joyce’s place? Correct me if I’m wrong, I AM tired after all

    1. Yumi

      Well they were in the hall. I assume they, like Walky, used the door.

      1. Sunny D

        Yeah but why would Faz just run straight into a random girl’s roo- okay good point

  8. Some1

    Dungeons and Dumbing Part 15

    Danny: I found a hat.

    Joyce wakes up and rubs her eyes.

    Joyce: A hat?

    Danny: Yeah, with your name in it.

    Danny tosses the fedora to a confused Joyce who examines the blue name.

    Joyce: This is definently my handwriting. But it can’t be my hat. Where did you get it?

    Danny: I was talking to someone…and it popped out of the sky, like magic.

    Joyce: We popped here, maybe its related.

    Walky: What’s related?

    Joyce: There is a fedora with my name in it I don’t recognize.

    Walky: From here?

    Danny: Probably not. Wait, what if another Joyce owned the hat?

    Billie: There are two Joyces?

    Danny: No! Well…maybe…kind off. Okay, so I was talking to my summon, and she told me that Solis wouldn’t have the ability to bring us all here.

    Billie: Who’s Solis?

    Danny: Evil god, sun powers, everyone will die if he comes back.

    Billie: Got it.

    Dorothy: Got what?

    Danny: Dorothy, you’re awake! Perfect. Okay so a hat appeared in front of me with Joyce’s name on it, but Joyce doesn’t know where it came from and Solis couldn’t have brought us here.

    Dorothy: Okay? So…

    Danny: The fact that this place exists means there are multiple universes, so the hat must come from a universe where Joyce owns a fedora.

    Dorothy: So, multiverse theory?

    Danny: Yeah…and someone must have brought us here for a reason.

  9. Tacos

    Trip him. Trip him and tie his shoe laces together.

    1. N0083rp00F

      I am more of a Danny Danning things up with an inadvertent door opening that concussively interacts with The Face of Faz.
      The only dialogue would be Danny in the last panel saying “What?”

  10. MasakiSayz

    I dread how this will relate to the infamous Valentine’s Day strip(s) this year.

    1. King Daniel

      Joyce’s toenail breaks up with her.

      1. Tacos

        Such a shame, they were always together. Inseparable even.

        1. Deanatay

          Until they weren’t.

    2. Yumi

      There’s been so much build-up that I half expect nothing of note to happen on Valentine’s Day.

      1. MM

        Four panels of Fuckface, probably.

        1. JessWitt

          And that’s the best case scenario.

    3. Reltzik

      Eh. Valentine’s Day is almost never GOOD, but we’ve overblown its reputation a bit. Half the time it’s just run-of-the-mill unhappiness rather than huge transitional plot points. And since just about anything save Blaine showing up would be out of left field right now…

      1. Reltzik

        Actually, wait. Tomorrow: Sal wakes up in Danny’s bed. She facepalms about how that was totally stupid of her. Danny’s heart is broken. Hovertext: Happy Valentine’s Day.

        …. I’m going to go with that prediction. The hovertext part, that is, not the rest of it.

        1. MasakiSayz

          That would actually be a neat surprise.

  11. Passchendaele

    Interstate-Joyce and Sarah’s room.

    (I’ve been reading this daily for about a year or so now, yaaaay, thanks for tolerating me all this time.)

    1. Roger Sterling

      I’m an irritable sumbongo, but such is the good will you made by taking the handle of the third battle of ypres that you’d have to try very hard to lose it all. We’re talking online hate crime and then some.

      1. Passchendaele

        *laughs evilly*

        (haha if I did that my nerves would explode all at once, because I am one anxious kid. XD)

  12. tim gueguen

    “Faz has his own system of measurements, which prove Faz is the world’s fastest man.”

    1. King Daniel

      The hovertext does indicate an ability to go fazt…

      1. Some1

        He is able to run away from Amber, so he must be at least somewhat fast.

      2. Deanatay

        He went so fast, the ‘s’ flipped around!

  13. Dean

    Joyce’s toenail will stick to the inside of her boot and rip free when she takes it off, I bet.

  14. Roger Sterling

    Look, for the record, I have never and will never advocate for the death of a pre-adolescent online.

    But that motherless fuck’s gotta go.

    1. Danni

      arrest has gotta be an option

    2. Roger Sterling

      Ok that was a little harsh.

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      Courtesy of The Doubleclicks’ “Sexist Bullshit”:

      “The ability to make sexist assholes disappear
      Is all I want for Christmas, it’s all I want this year…

      “They don’t have to die, and this doesn’t have to hurt
      But by eight on Christmas morning I want these fuckers off my earth”

    4. Some1

      What has Faz actually done? The largest crime you can give him is non touching sexual harassment and possible illegal entering. Which while bad, aren’t anywhere close to being capital crimes. Plus the fact that he always harasses girls who have a position of power over him or are at least equal to him, makes it so that his crimes are far less terrible than even the average sexual harassment case.

      I have realized that I am essentially serving as Faz’s legal defense, and I shall continue to do that in the foreseeable future, because its fun, and defending Faz is a lot easier then defending someone like Ryan.

      1. Dean

        Also, he is a teenage boy. And what do you expect of a kid with freakin’ BLAINE as his main male role model? He’s doing well not to be setting stuff on fire.

      2. Needfuldoer

        You know how everyone was disgusted with Joe for constantly making advances on every woman in his general vicinity? At least Joe backs off when he’s rebuffed.

        Faz is obnoxiously persistent, and doesn’t care how uncomfortable he makes everyone else. Nothing will stop him from talking about how great he is, sex topics he’s barely cognizant of, or a combination of the two.

        1. Liliet

          ‘barely cognizant of’ is right. Faz has no idea what he’s doing, and even if Amber asserts he /should/ know better, he clearly doesn’t. Joe has shown awareness of the concept of consent; hell, he’s in gender studies class. Faz is a clueless dumbass. Annoying, but still not a capital crime.

      3. Liliaeth

        Maybe it’s because I don’t know him from previous versions. But he actually annoys me a lot less than some other characters that people find endless defenses for 🙂

      4. Liliet

        can I be your assistant

    5. Emily

      He’s not real it doesn’t count if you want him to be comically crushed under an anvil.

  15. ValdVin

    So that’s what it takes to get Sarah tiny irises!

    Also, Joyce can be counted on to support her friends for anything, even “she’s very nice” to God, for someone who won’t call herself “a pleasant alternative” to another person earlier.

  16. Josh Spicer

    I’m with Sarah on this one.

    Also please fuck off Faz.

  17. Some1

    I noticed something, Faz never touches anyone. He never even tries. Sadly there are too few strips to determine if its a coincidence or not, but I find it slightly odd, if not relieving, that Faz doesn’t even touch girls or anyone in ways that could be considered largely non sexual, like placing a hand on Becky’s shoulder or shaking hands with Dina. So, we have a series of possible answers.

    A. Its a coincidence

    B. He has standards, and won’t go past harassment.

    C. He doesn’t like touching people for whatever reason.

    1. Yumi

      D. He exists in a corporeal form only vaguely and it requires great effort on his part to interact physically with those around him

      1. Some1

        Impossible other people can touch him.

        1. Yumi

          That’s slightly easier for him to manage.

        2. Some1

          Every time he is touched he wants to stop being touched, why wouldn’t he simple make himself non corporeal so that Amber can’t pick him up and Dina can’t tie him up?

        3. Yumi

          Gotta keep that element of surprise for the right moment

      2. Needfuldoer

        Does he sleep in a bucket in his room every sixteen hours?

    2. Derek

      in the Shortpacked!verse he once tried to touch Robin’s pregnant belly, and almost died as a result

      He also had sex with Wen and the Amber-themed dakimakura, so there’s that?

      1. Some1

        That information is irrelevant, Shortpacked! Faz is not the same person as Dumbing of Age Faz.

  18. JessWitt

    God’s public roadway: Bringing the joy of Faz to all.

  19. Keulen

    Unless every dorm room is directly connected to every other dorm room in the hall, Faz is about to run out of places to run to.

    1. Inahc

      every dorm room is connected via a bathroom to another dorm room, forming a series of loops off the hallway. he can run indefinitely… or until everyone locks their darn doors. … or until one of those bathroom doors turns out to be locked.

      1. Keulen

        I’m assuming at least a few people in the hall lock their doors. Eventually Faz will run into a room that’s locked from the other door, or he’ll run into a room and be stopped by whoever’s in that room or something.

        1. Kryss LaBryn

          Possibly via accidental clothesline.

          I accidentally punched my manager in the face and gave him a bloody nose once when he dove for something under the counter just as I was swinging out my arm to point to the bathrooms off to the side and say, “They’re just over there–” to a customer. *whack* “OW!!”

          Rose: “–And that’s my paper done! Yes!” *Stretches arms* *clotheslines Faz*

        2. BBCC

          The bathroom doors only lock on the inside, else the dorm risks locking someone in the bathroom.

          But the bathrooms are only connected by twos – so Joyce and Sarah are connected to Billie and Sal, but no one else and vice versa.

  20. CapedLuigisYoshi

    …Alright, I guess having Faz around was worth the hovertext pun.

    Now if only he was likely to leave after today’s strip.

  21. Archivist

    While she’s at it, fuck this alt text.

  22. ninjazaku

    “Seeing the resident recluse attempting to corral her really creepy step-brother” is probably not how these characters wanted to start their days.

  23. Yumi

    And Walky is just going, “Huh, she looks vaguely familiar…”

  24. Mom

    …A part of me is suspecting Faz is there to flush Amber out of the dorm for dear old step dad.

  25. Reltzik

    Why would you even say that, Sarah?

  26. Rabid Rabbit

    So the only place for Faz to go now is through the bathroom into the next room, yes? Meaning there is a non-negative possibility that he’s going to run into either Sal or Malaya in a few seconds. That should be interesting.

    Assuming Fuckface doesn’t eat him first, of course.

  27. nothri

    At this point I’m expecting Amber to start using Acme Brand Faz catching products that misfire in painful yet hilarious ways.

    1. Kryss LaBryn

      So, a team-up with Carla, then? 😀 I am okay with that.

  28. Mr D

    oh god Joyce hasn’t looked at it, has she? Jesus christ, girl, get it looked at, an infection is WAY WORSE than losing a toe nail

    1. Regalli

      Seriously Joyce, it’s gonna hurt way worse and look way grosser then.

  29. Aeron

    Faz must keep running to escape the crippling depression.

    1. Roborat

      Or he is running to escape being crippled.

  30. kitty

    here is kitty’s finnish word of the day!

    Kissalan pojat (cat boys)

    unfortuntely, its slang for the police. the emblem of the police of finland is a lion head. ?

    have a nice day!

    1. Deanatay

      Cat boy police?

      *mind races off in pervy directions*

  31. SalmonMax

    I see Sarah has learned a little saying, that makes everything seem better!

  32. Delicious Taffy

    So, anyway, who’s got some thoughts on Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex? I recently finished watching the first season, and I’m eager to hear what others think.

  33. Adam Black

    What if Amber goes to class, ignores him and the narrative focuses on someone else?

    ( faz is probably trying to lure Amber to Blaine anyways ) .

    This character was already killed off once for comic relief. I don’t see how he adds anything to DOA to keep him in narrative, or worse, play him straight.

    1. Regalli

      I suspect Amber doesn’t want the ‘my stepbrother went into the women’s showers’ or dorms in morning or various other ways for him to actually do something seriously creepy on her conscious.

      1. Roborat

        I am going to assume you meant conscience.

    2. Emily

      Faz and Mike are just characters I would really prefer to never see again because they’re the miserable combination of being insufferable assholes and boring characters with no real depth or purpose.

      1. thejeff

        I’m not fond of Faz, but I’m kind of curious to see what he’s going to do with him. Maybe he can pull of something interesting. It’s not like he’s been overused and still is boring.

  34. Ooz

    I didn’t feel the need to comment at first but- I’m glad Faz is back! Yeah, he’s a little shit and in Shortpacked he was horrible but here he’s younger and that’s a little more forgivable. Also, we haven’t actually seen much of him to make a full judgement yet. So far he’s been kind of fun, if a little shit, and Amber might benefit from Annoying Little Brother shenanigans. Compared to her other problems it’s “normal” and a little easier to deal with.

    ALSO he’s fictional. If he’s terrible, that doesn’t bother me, because I like my fictional characters to occasionally be terrible. It’s not like the narrative is endorsing his behaviour, guys, chill.

    1. Liliet

      ^^^

      I’m so glad more people who don’t mind Faz are coming out in the comments. The storm of hatred was unnerving.

  35. David Alexander McDonald

    MORGAN FREEMAN: “Actually, Sarah meant every single word *and* the double-barreled bird-flip.”

    1. Nobody

      Am I the only one who feels like Morgan Freeman would have to try very hard not to sound sage

    2. Roborat

      That would make a good movie. Have Morgan Freeman follow some average joe around, narrating everything he does. Or how about Morgan Freeman working the speaker at a fast food joint.

  36. AGV

    The hovertext… why…

  37. newllend(henryvolt)

    Sarah if the universal God wants to turn your life into a Coyote and Roadrunner cartoon for his entertainment then you got a fuking deal with it.

  38. NinjaNick

    Darn, there goes your chance to make Faz fall on his face.

  39. BenRG

    Or… I know this sounds weird but maybe Faz is genuinely lonely and enjoys playing with his sister?

    1. wwwhhattt

      Oh, so Faz is human now is he? What’s next – Galasso having a tragic backstory?
      *remembers Shortpacked*
      Oh…

    2. Liliet

      well, actually

      I cannot see a single flaw in this theory

  40. Bagge

    Joyce being anxious that Sarah hurts God’s feelings is perhaps the most Joyce of all Joyce moment we have seen.

    1. ValdVin

      I know! Sarah said “universe”, but raised her eyes up, so Joyce isn’t taking any chances.

  41. foducool

    meep meep

    1. BenRG

      Next strip has Amber shopping for a Rube Goldberg-style Faz trap on Acme.com.

  42. Remmington Steele

    *plays Benny Hill theme*

    1. BenRG

      +1 Appropriate

  43. Emperor Norton II

    Did I mention the time when I was a kid and tried doing some weightlifting* and dropped a 7 kg disc on my toe?

    A few days later, the nail was clearly split near the root, but not getting off by itself… So one night, I spent an agonizing half hour to rip that fucker off.

    In hindsight, that probably wasn’t the smartest way to deal with it… But at least I dealt with it, I guess.

    *It really didn’t stick.

  44. BenRG

    Sarah is right, Joyce and her room isn’t a roadway. However, she does need to recognise that the two of them have made a large number of acquaintances and friends who see no reason not to just ‘drop in’ to their private space whenever they feel like a chat.

    Additionally, I do think that Walky is at a loose end with no Dorothy around. He’s decided to fill that gap in his life by tease-flirting with Joyce.

    1. cbwroses

      I agree. Plus, I think Walky has very few friends, period, though he has made a couple more since the school year started.

  45. Icalasari

    Gotta go Fazt!
    Gotta go Fazt!
    Gotta go Fazter, Fazter, Fazter Fazter Fazter!
    ‘Nnoying at speed of sound (piss off)
    Most ‘nnoying teen around
    Got ourselves a situation, get him to new locations
    Without any hesitation, kick his ass then relaxation!

    Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t stop, please bop,
    Just go, go, go, go, g-g-g-g-go, go!

    N-n-n-n-n-n-na
    N-n-n-n-n-n-na

    The Faz, he’s on the run!
    The Faz, ain’t number one!
    The Faz, he’s comin’ next,
    So watch out… Get ready to deck!

    Gotta go Fazt (Fuck off!), gotta go Fazt (To Hell!),
    Gotta go Fazter, Fazter, Fazter, Fazter, Fazter!
    Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
    Fuck… (Go away) Off… (Please leave) Faz,
    Gotta go Fazter!
    Gotta go Fazt!
    Gotta go Fazter, Fazter, Fazter, Fazter,
    Fuck off Faz!

    1. Shadowypenguin

      I love this yet l hate it as well

  46. ZORK

    Willis, I love you for that alt-text.

  47. Eldritch Gentleman

    Why am I getting an impression that Faz is basically messing with Amber to get her attention? Like he is desperate for at least Some attention from his sister…

    1. Just a Ian

      you could be right on this..

    2. TemperaryObsessor

      Well his DNA father doesn’t care what he does, I have no idea who his mom is, and his step father is Blane. Its quite possible that Amber is the closest thing he has to a parent figure.

    3. BenRG

      That’s my call too. I’m figuring that Blaine is no better a stepfather than he is a father and, frankly, Amber is the only kin who has managed to show any measure of concern for him (witness her concern about him skipping class earlier).

      1. Eldritch Gentleman

        Better any kind of concern than no concern at all.

    4. Liliet

      y u p

  48. DarkoNeko

    The alt-text pun is horrible and I love it.

  49. MK15

    ‘There’s a subspace portal through your room that I use from time to time’

  50. Vulcanodon

    Can’t wait for the scream when that toenail falls off. Guessing it will cover all five or six panels. Or just be one giant panel.

    1. hof1991

      A week’s worth of panels that stacked up into a megapost will form a new panel.

    2. Roborat

      They will hear it in EGS.

      1. ValdVin

        When I was a kid, and comics were on newsprint paper with ink, it used to be a lot easier to eavesdrop on other comics from the one you were in. On the internet, not so much.

  51. Just for kix

    I was expecting a vogon ship to pass through 🙁

  52. Kazumi

    The payoff when this toenail falls off is going to be glorious.

  53. MutantSentry

    … I don’t know if it was intentional but, while the logic off panel lay out makes it clear Amber is chasing Faz the unavoidable first impression of seeing the whole thing is of Faz chasing Amber… Almost like some kind of non-verbal pun or something. Cool

  54. Sunmaster57

    Why not not call Campus Police/Security (yes obvious answer ruins the plot)

  55. DailyBrad

    I’m surprised Faz didn’t stop, given this is Sarah, and there’s only like a 10 percent chance she has pants on.

  56. Tenchan

    I literally LOLed at the alt-text! 😀

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