Rumpy-pumpy
Posted on April 20, 2014 by David M Willis

181 thoughts on “Rumpy-pumpy”

  1. Khaner

    Your hair, Walky? Say goodbye. Along with your sanity.

    1. Tunaro

      So you’re saying the sex would be…

      ( •_•)
      ( •_•)>⌐□-□
      (⌐□_□)

      …Mindblowing?

      1. John

        That’s not what’ll be getting blown.

      2. Carlos

        YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA CSI Miami

        1. Maveric1984

          You mean this?

        2. ocbrad1

          That is awesome!

      3. Fred

        WHY CAN’T WE UPVOTE COMMENTS HERE
        Also happy Easter

    2. Jen Aside

      I really want Rumpy-Pumpy to be another “children’s” show…

      1. Dante

        I have never agreed with a comment more.

        1. Jen Aside

          I feel like I need to compose another song =>

        2. John

          Please don’t summon this one from the nightmarish depths of the common human subconsciousness, or whatever the hell you did yesterday to call forth the exact song I was hearing in my inner ear.

        3. Charles

          Too late.

        4. Jen Aside

          You know all children’s songs are Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star, don’t you =B

        5. Jen Aside

          (not like anyone reads comments after a new one’s out, but I *did* come up with a Dexter & Monkey Master theme song… I think it’s a rip-off of one of those inane celebrity gossip shows my mother watches, tho)

      2. Mr. Morningstar

        Is Rumpy Pumpy going to be the new way of saying Hanky Panky now?

        Are we going to say “premarital rumpy pumpy” insteaod of “premarital hanky panky”?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          As far as I was aware, rumpy-pumpy was slang for anal sex and/or having sex with a plump person.

        2. PedanticJerkass

          If by new, you mean “at least since 2003, according to Urban Dictionary, and probably a whole lot longer than that”, then sure.

        3. Mr. Morningstar

          huh. really?

          First I heard it.

  2. ZombieAteMyBrains

    Congrats Walky, you’re moving up in the world.

    1. Yotomoe

      Walky is ALWAYS moving up in the world. He could take a 40 year nap and become Emperor of the planet Earth.

      1. John

        He could get killed and he’d just rise from the dead as the saviour of the world.

        1. Andrusi

          But then Robin, Mike, and a bunch of new people would steal the spotlight.

    2. das-g

      He’ll get used to it.

  3. Tunaro

    Joe can make ANYTHING lead to people doing it. Witness his powers.

    1. Yotomoe

      With great power comes great responsibility.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        With responsibility = birth control.

    2. JustCheetoDust

      Like being the Scarlet Witch of Rule 34?

      1. Zeraphim

        “No more rumpy-pumpy”

        1. JustCheetoDust

          Maybe not the House of M part.

    3. Unkind fish

      All hail the mighty joe of getting others laid!

  4. Bill

    I think that this is the first time I’ve seen Dorothy looking flustered.

    1. Lu86

      …Sure, let’s go with “flustered”

      1. indignostudios

        I would rather go with “horny.”

  5. someguywithakatana

    There are so many things about that final panel that make me uncomfortable

    1. Leonou

      Everything about that final panel makes me smile.
      Everything !

    2. wesmaster160

      And yet so many things that make me very comfortable.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        You mean like “pants are coming off” comfortable?

    3. Yotomoe

      And all of them are Joe’s face.

      1. Vim-Hogar

        oh god, how did I miss that

        1. indignostudios

          He’s willing it to happen while also reaping the egotistical spoils of it working.

    4. Unkind fish

      I agree with the human. This is an awkward panel for Dorothy.

  6. Kernanator

    Chastity Churchmouse sez: Lock that sucker up until you’re married!

    1. Yotomoe

      Chastity Churchmouse sez: If you touch below the belt you’ll go to hell and melt.

    2. Viktoria

      Chastity Churchmouse sez: Repress your feelings, that’s the way, to help your soul stay a-okay.

    3. indignostudios

      Chastity Churchmouse Sez: If your boyfriend is gay, then show him the way!

    4. Jen Aside

      Chastity Churchmouse sez: “Jesus wouldn’t bone; leave the girl alone!”

    5. John

      Chastity Churchmouse sez: “Your dad owns your vagina until you’re 23!“, apparently.

      I hadn’t realized there was an age limit on it. I thought your dad just handed the keys off to your husband at the wedding.

      1. Maveric1984

        I’m 30 and my fiancée is 28, and we’ve been going at it like rabbits for two years. I couldn’t tell you if the 23 thing is true or not.

        Granted, I was 22 when I lost my virginity…

      2. Bill

        Just like Dad handing over the keys to the car.

        “…and don’t spill anything on the upholstery!”

        1. Maveric1984

          I always preferred leather to uhpolstry.

        2. John

          Yeah, that’s the sin of Onan.

      3. Plasma Mongoose

        It’s a pity you can’t let your dad deal with the messier aspects of vagina ownership until then.

    6. Maveric1984

      Chastity Churchmouse sea: Penises shoot poison from the tip, and the only antidote is a wedding ring!

      There’s a lot of rule 34 out there based on this quote and “sucking out the poison”.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Chastity Churchmouse ripped off Zardoz!

      2. Potatamoto

        If you know where to find it, Chastity Churchmouse actually beats out Gadget Hackwrench for anthropomorphic mouse R34. FACT.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I wasn’t able to find CC R34, which is kinda disappointing.

  7. madock345

    Joyce’s Puppy-dog eyes in panel 2 are some of the most adorable I’ve ever seen.

  8. newllend

    I’m thinking Joyce is a bit jealous.

    1. begbert2

      I doubt it; that face says “judgmental”.

      1. Jackson

        Don’t see why it can’t be both!

        1. Sam

          Judgemelous? Jealoumental?

        2. indignostudios

          Jello-Mental.

        3. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          Totes Jelly.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Jello-menno?

        5. Charles

          Hello, Jackson. Welcome to the face you gave me ALL THROUGH COLLEGE.

          Not that I complain, you were a remarkably chill dude about the premarital hanking and panking. Even about both at once!

          Still, the face did happen. A lot.

        6. Jackson

          It was my judgmealous face.

          Faaaaace.

  9. JessTheBest

    Two weeks later, Walky has the hairiest chest on campus, becomes bigfoot except sexy.

    1. madock345

      Wait… You mean you Don’t find Bigfoot sexy?

      1. Yotomoe

        Have you even seen his hair? That’s all natural, baby!

        1. John

          o/` I am in love
          But it’s only a fantasy
          I’m in search of
          That hairy creature who cared for me
          Under the pines

          Close my eyes and I see you there
          Musky smell of your matted hair
          Our minds were one
          But only for a moment… o/`

        2. ninja_jesus

          I pushed you away, Yeti
          But you begged for it
          I wish we could stay, Yeti
          Here in our love forest

          http://youtu.be/VxQwtl_giK4

      2. Tunaro

        Something, something, crass joke about big feet…

        1. Bill

          You know what they say about men with big feet?

          They have to buy larger shoes.

        2. Mr. Morningstar

          In general it’s a huge hassle and you have to deal with people mocking your shoe size and making jokes about your penis.

      3. Plasma Mongoose

        When it comes to sex appeal, Cousin It has it over Big Foot.

  10. Yotomoe

    NO JOYCE. DON’T YOU KNOW ALL THE RULE 34 OF HER?

    1. newllend

      I stay away from there, things get WAY to freaky in the that site.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        You’re missing out on cringe-inducing ways to find out that celebrities have died. Specifically Bea Arthur, Margaret Thatcher, Fred Phelps, and the Ultimate Warrior.

        1. newllend

          THE ULTIMATE WARRIORS DEAD!? *creis*

        2. JustCheetoDust

          Yeah, two weeks ago.

        3. Mr. Morningstar

          I… Actually DID see a rule 34 involving both Jesus and Fred Phelps.

          It was… Interesting to say the least.

  11. LionHeart

    …Huh. SO I guess Walky’s Walkerton is pure crack cocaine. Who knew?

  12. Scott

    I wonder if all of America’s presidents are secretly celibate.

    I mean, let’s be honest here, we all see where this is going long-term.

    1. begbert2

      According to Cracked, all of America’s presidents are secretly horndogs. Also, insane.

      The problem with this is, they have research on their side.

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Wasn’t it an SNL sketch that suggested that Lyndon B. Johnson had the secret nickname “El BJ?”

        1. Rabid Rabbit

          Giving or taking? Just curious.

        2. JustCheetoDust

          Taking. Something about Mexican prostitutes.

  13. timemonkey

    Come on Dorothy, let Joyce share with you. It’s important to her, it’ll help you understand her better and it’ll make her happy.

    1. begbert2

      I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a jerk, but: Dorothy probably already understands why Joyce is the way she is. She’s been closed off and indoctrinated close (but not quite) to the point of brainwashing. It’s not terribly complicated, and she doesn’t need to see the specific tools of indoctrination.

      It’s the sane and well-adjusted ones that are harder to understand.

      1. timemonkey

        The more information they have the better they understand her thought processes. time after time people make assumptions about Joyce and time after time they’re proven wrong. It’s not as simple as just calling it brainwashing.

        1. Sam

          True, but in this case, Dorothy’s assessments of Joyce are probably fairly accurate.
          Joyce isn’t a simple person to get, and she’s obviously not a malicious one, but these bizarre-sounding fundie cartoons aren’t gonna teach Dorothy anything about Joyce or her upbring she hasn’t already estimated herself.

        2. V Missirian

          Maybe the cartoons won’t. But maybe their discussions about them would?

      2. Jerden

        Yeah, sane and well adjusted people are annoying? What’s their problem! We don’t have a label for it! Crazy people, now they have a nice reason for their problems. They make more sense.

  14. begbert2

    So Dorothy’s going to blow off studying for sex? I wonder if she’ll realize what she’s doing before or after her first B.

    1. metaceryn

      Getting the D seems to be more important then getting A’s now.

      1. MO

        Oh DUH, beg was talking about grades! I thought for a second that the B stood for “Baby”.

      2. newllend

        Oh wait dude I already used that joke.

        1. Metaceryn

          And here I thought I was being original. 🙁

      3. Lu86

        What’s the deal with the appropiate avatars for comments like this!?

    2. newllend

      She’ll just panic and do the first most unreasonable thing that pops up in her head, which would probably be my calculations….dump Walky.

  15. newllend

    WAIT A MINUTE! Is this going to end in that 3some we were talking about? Pleas tell me it will.

    1. das-g

      “It will!”

      There. Satisfied? Then I’ll go back to telling what I actually know or can guess. 😛

  16. Pyr05

    So she’s going to watch?!?

  17. Syclamoth

    Ah yes, I was wondering what Joe was doing in this scene.

  18. mistrali

    …Seriously? Can’t Dorothy just watch the fricking thing? Mind you, it might lead to lectures on… well, now, on chastity. But Joyce has been changing HER worldview and being open-minded. why can’t Dorothy give a little?

    1. Deathjavu

      Well, based on the song Joyce sang last time it’s probably really really creepy. Being openminded doesn’t mean giving credence to hurtful views…this is a common mistake on the internet.

      1. newllend

        LIKE ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

    2. David M Willis

      Yeah, why can’t she, like, go to church with her or something.

      1. Sam

        That, and those cartoons just sound super weird, too.

        1. Shogouki

          More like fatally cringe-inducing. Seriously just hearing the names makes me cringe.

      2. Jim Johnson

        Roughly how long has it been in-universe since Dorothy went to Church with Joyce anyway? One week, two?

        1. David M Willis

          Roughly how long has it been in-universe since Dorothy asked Joyce to do some atheism-based activity?

          Never?

          Well, okay then.

        2. Jerden

          Well, you know what atheism like, just being near Dorothy could probably be considered a godless activity. Depending on how strict we are.

        3. Riku

          It seriously can actually. My parents wanted me to stop hanging out with a certain friend when I was 12 because he was an atheist (they couldn’t really stop me though because we were at school anyway). Looked it up in the quaran later: yep, forbidden

        4. 3oranges

          And Joyce’s parents seem to have taken it that way, but Joyce argued the opposite; for her being nice with people like Dorothy is part of being a strict Christian.

        5. John

          Today is Monday of Week Four. Dorothy went to church with Joyce on Sunday of Week Two. So two weeks and a day.

    3. 3oranges

      Remember how their relationship is based on mutual respect and giving space to their beliefs? Joyce said she wouldn’t bring the Chick tracts if Dorothy didn’t bring the biology books, and neither has been lecturing the other about how to live their life since?

      1. Jen Aside

        I found one of those Chick Tracts at the Mall. Unfortunately not one of the more hilarious ones, just wishfully-hoping-to-convert-through-being-obnoxiously-judgemental.

        1. Roborat

          My friends and I used to laugh and rip on them when we found them, just in case whoever left them was lingering in the area, hoping to witness a tearful conversion or something. I actually had a pretty complete collection of them at one time.

    4. showler

      It’s entirely possible she did have other plans. Until Joe put some thoughts in her mind.

  19. rhy

    Fourth panel Joe: Aw ys

  20. Jeremy

    …Chastity Churchmouse?

    1. IncadescentFlame

      Search “Charity Churchmouse.”

      I apologize beforehand.

      1. Jeremy

        I have no words for what I just saw…

    2. Roborat

      I love how quickly the backstory is filled in.

  21. XMinusOne

    Oh I can see Joyce and Walky doing the rumpy-pumpy to the rhythm of the ‘Etch-A-Sketch’ song …

    (singing) “… you’ve taken it …” Boomp! Boomp!

    “… and you’re shakin’ it …” Boomp! Boomp!

    ” … and we’re makin’ it … ” Boomp! Boomp!

    (from outside the door) “Those aren’t the lyrics.”

    (together) “Go home, Joyce!”

    1. ninja_jesus

      Soooo… is Dorothy or Walky shouting “Boomp! Boomp!” during sex?

    2. Bill

      I think the accepted word in the Willis-world is “thumpasprung”.

  22. Rabid Rabbit

    Joe’s finest moment. No, truly.

    I am reminded of the time when, out in a bar with a very Joyce-like person (except far less adorable, and rather more disturbing — don’t worry, she stuck to water) a friend deliberately brought out the subject of abortion. Four pro-choicers against one Joyce. Not a fair fight. And then when not-Joyce tried to stop the conversation by stating that it was making her uncomfortable, the guy who started it responded “Good. People should be made uncomfortable with their worldview from time to time.”

    It was not long after this that I had to excuse myself to get to the bathroom. So that I could burst out laughing. Couldn’t do that publicly, it would have spoiled things.

    To be fair, the guy who started this was quite drunk.

  23. Carlos

    So… is the lesson here that you can’t be successful if you’re having sex? After all, Dorothy goes at it with Walky ONE TIME and now she’s like, addicted. NO WAIT! The lesson is obviously that religious things taken out of context can be very…… rule inducing. If you catch my drift.

  24. Jimmy

    Joe’s face in the last panel: Priceless.

  25. Dr. Zeus

    Trust me Walky. Chest hair has NOTHING to do with amount of sex.

  26. SilverArrowArtemis

    Joyce, STAHP!

  27. indignostudios

    This will end with a threesome.

    1. Jerden

      Which three of them though?
      Why not throw in everyone in this strip, round it up to a foursome?

      1. Riku

        Joyce/Walky/Joe

        Dorothy’s busy studying

    2. Sam

      But not between who you think!

  28. IncadescentFlame

    Hymmel the Hymnal doesn’t hold a candle to “Digging for Dinosaurs.”

    Dinosaurs are much better than songbooks.

    1. IncadescentFlame

      I feel that I should clarify:
      I meant the old sing-a-long style movie. Not the DS game that I’ve never heard of.

      1. indignostudios

        There’s also the crossover episode where Hymmel time trvels and finds out that a dinosaur was the 13th apostle.

    2. Amazi-Stool

      Appropriate gravatar is appropriate!

  29. JoeMerl

    Hymmel/Chastity is my OTP.

  30. Idon'tcarenomore

    I see no reason Dorothy need subject herself to the 22 min. long brain washing tape…she knows what Joyce is about.

    They’ve talked often about it, and seem to have a sort of mutual respect for each other. Although Joyce does push the envelope … like now, pushing your views off on someone who clearly has other things on her mind.

    Anyway, Mr. Willis, just why should Dorothy go to church with Joyce? If she has never been to one then perhaps yes, just to make her happy. In which case Joyce should reciprocate and spend Sunday with Dorothy at the beach or something, and not mention church once. Fair is fair.

    PS I was lucky. My mother took my brother and me to several different churches while we were growing up, so we could know about them. My dad took us to Catholic Church for the same reason.
    I’ve read the Bible, Book of Mormon and a couple of others. All of them pretty much say the same thing, just enforce it differently. Except the Quoran (spelling I apologize) which has their own set of rules that do differ from most of the others in some respects). Still, most tell us to be the best we can be, more or less. Don’t steal, don’t kill, that sort of thing.

    My brother and I went to a Pentacostal Church a few Sundays, with a neighbor, for the same reason, to learn. I refused to go back when told that we needed to bring in all of our comic books the next Sunday, for the bonfire. I listened to the Hellfire and brimstone and the don’t do’s and considered them. But, book burning. No way. I told the preacher I wouldn’t be back and why. I was 12. Learning to think for yourself should start young or it’s not worth anything. And a school or church that forgets that, shouldn’t be attended.

    There comes a time when being politically correct amounts to bullshit. And that is when it is time to say what you really think.

    I think a church or religion that turns out people with a world view as warped as Joyces is, is not right.

    1. fudo81

      uh, she’s already been there…

    2. David M Willis

      ….why are you asking me that question, I don’t understand what that is in response to, since it seems to be countering something I’ve never said.

      1. Hoovy_Woopeans

        lol these comments just get more and more hilarious with every time joyce talks about her beliefs

      2. Riku

        Clearly since Joyce is one of your characters these are YOUR views. You’re a conservative, liberal, atheist, jew, christian, slut shaming, womanizing, women’s rights pushing, transgender men’s rights activist.

    3. Amazi-Stool

      “Anyway, Mr. Willis, just why should Dorothy go to church with Joyce? If she has never been to one then perhaps yes, just to make her happy. In which case Joyce should reciprocate and spend Sunday with Dorothy at the beach or something, and not mention church once.”

      So you are proposing what already happened (but with slightly different details)?

      This is the moment where the beach-storyline starts.
      The moment where Joyce asks Dorothy to go to church with her also was part of the beach-storyline.

    4. Jerden

      “I see no reason Dorothy need subject herself to the 22 min. long brain washing tape…she knows what Joyce is about. ”

      For BRAIN WASHING! You answered your own question!
      Also, the songs are kinda catchy.

      Remember to maintain mental hygene. Regular brain washing keeps the mind clean.

    5. Jen

      Idon’tcarenomore, actually, I think an equivalent activity would be Joyce reading Richard Dawkins or something like that, not just going and hanging out at a beach.

  31. mathiasmindblade

    Despite being ceilibate, Joyce has been shown to want something abstractly sexual in defiance of her parents. I believe it involved rubbing a drumstick or some other phallic object on over her belly in a dream? Someone please post the link to that page.

    1. John

      Joyce’s messed-up dream begins here.

      1. mathiasmindblade

        *Gives John a thousand and twenty two point 3 ceramic hamburgers* Here. A gift for your help!

  32. Mkvenner

    Don’t forget mouse traps and candle wax.

  33. ATN

    My left eye popped out of it’s socket again, Willis. Damn you.

  34. Charles Phipps

    She should bring over some Superkids and their war against N.M.E. So far, the only children’s Christian cyberpunk series I’ve seen.

    1. Charles Phipps

      But no, seriously, there’s no need to believe Christian television is inherently inferior to regular television.

      Even if it often is. I speak as a Christian. Look at Narnia.

      1. V Missirian

        I agree! Many themes valued by religion can be accessible to most people, especially when separated from the specifics of religious belief.

      2. Jerden

        Nope. I’ve seen both, and I think they’re probably equally inane and pointless, with the rare gem worth seeing.

    2. wakeangel2001

      wait…N.M.E…? That’s the name of the organization the created the monsters in the Kirby Cartoon! Of course it’s such a basic fake acronym name I suppose it could be genuine coincidence they both use it.

      1. Charles Phipps

        You want me to blow your mind? You know what’s also covert Christian cartoons? The Care Bears? A bunch of divine animal beings living in Heaven doing “Touched by an Angel” missions and who occasionally fight Satan. Magic is even a force for the Devil.

        Just like the Smurfs are communist propaganda.

        1. David M Willis

          I couldn’t watch Care Bears because they fought and defeated Satan without the help of Jesus Christ.

        2. Charles Phipps

          My apologies, Willis, I mean that. It’s especially appalling given Tenderheart was Jesus.

          Yes, Jesus was a bear.

          Ask C.S. Lewis, he made it work.

  35. wakeangel2001

    I looked up what a Hymnal is, is this cartoon about an anthropomorphic book? The only other media I can think of with anthropomorphic books as protagonists is the Pagemaster…

    1. David M Willis

      http://itswalky.tumblr.com/post/83314295704/you-might-know-this-song-better-as-im-a-slave-4

      1. Jerden

        I actually quite liked the song. But the mouse was creepy. Too creepy.
        Actually, I think that enhanced the music video for me. God loves everyone, ever really messed up anthromorphic animals! Completely irrelevant to the actual song, but always worth remembering.

        1. David M Willis

          It is a pretty fantastic song, subject matter aside.

      2. showler

        If God’s calling for you is to dress up as a sparkly blue velour book, you might want to consider some of the alternative gods that are available.

        1. Charles Phipps

          The sparkly blue book outfit is better than some of the stuff Kratos’ gods got him up to.

        2. Roborat

          That poor bastard, I hope he was paid enough to compensate for the PTSD he now suffers from. Wonder how long he spent in makeup getting ready.

      3. Jason

        Holy shit, it’s a real thing.

      4. PedanticJerkass

        That monster’s gonna give me nightmares.

  36. SilverArrowArtemis

    Joyce: I won’t judge. *silently judging*

  37. Mr. Morningstar

    The look on Joes face in the last panel is like

    “My work here is done.”

  38. FuryOfFirestorm

    Time for “Walky Performs A Sex 2: Erection Boogaloo”!

  39. The_Master

    If the number of chest hairs I had were proportional to the number of times I had sex, (write your own ending about lots of hair, no hair, weird dinosaur feathers/lizard scales…)

    1. StClair

      Cartoon bunnies have numbers.

  40. Eukie

    Even my cold, stony black atheist heart cannot help but feel sorry for Joyce in panel 3. She looks like she so desperately wants to be able to enjoy watching (her favourite) cartoons with her best friend…

    …unaware of the fact that Dorothy would most likely feel disgusted by them, with only her diplomatic tact keeping her from doing a Roz.

  41. Roborat

    What! That’s how you get chest hairs? Crap, I have been doing it wrong all these years.

  42. nothri

    The Rumpy-Pumpy? Sounds like a nursery rhyme.

  43. Torechwen

    I think this is the first webcomic I’ve seen reference Psalty. :p

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