107

Seconds
Posted on February 8, 2011 by David M Willis
Actually, Joe, that's kinda an urban legend.

107 thoughts on “Seconds”

  1. Jen Aside

    YOUR MOM MIKE

    OOOOH

  2. Mkvenner

    Mike is really his job right now.

    1. Mud

      I really this comic

      1. moist

        I really this comic, too.

    2. sainki

      he’s the best at what he does… and what he does isn’t very nice

      1. Jenny Creed

        I never saw it before but it’s true. . .Mike out-Wolverines Wolverine. :O

  3. JackNapier

    Well, the date went well longer than I expected. It’s all downhill from here.

    1. MM

      Oh, no, no. There’s plenty of time left for loop-the-loops and dangling from precipices before it all comes crashing down in the end. (Or possibly landing in a disorganized heap.)

  4. arjay2813

    i’d say fist, might make him think twice about hitting you…or make him hit you twice, i think its a coin toss w/mike

  5. cappadocius

    I sometimes go for hours without thinking about sex.

    1. Mint

      Why?

      1. Zap

        Unconsciousness, I’d assume.

        1. invisiblemoose

          You need better dreams!

      2. Chiatroll

        maybe he owns a game console

    2. Azumango

      Electric sheep, perhaps?

      1. benenator

        Mareep!

    3. Malph

      Same here. Then I realize I’m not thinking about sex and start thinking about it.

      1. invisiblemoose

        Don’t think about white elephants… having sex.

      2. Soundbucket

        With your penis.

        1. Lokitsu

          With your mom’s penis.

        2. Jalathas

          For a nickel.

    4. Azumango

      Oh God, that one Questionable Content strip. Faye and Dora end the strip by screaming about the mental image of faye having sex with purple elephants. He even went and made a shirt with a skipping purple elephant that reads “Everything is ruined forever”

    5. Hinoron

      All of us sometimes go for hours without thinking about sex.
      That “7 seconds” statistic is not only 100% made up, it’s absurd. It would interfere with basic cognition; we’d never be able to finish a thought, read or speak two sentences in a row, hold a conversation, etc, etc…

  6. katosen27

    I’m actually interested in whether this will make Joyce realize that she doesn’t have to be all straight and narrow about her choices in life.

    …wait, im sorry, that was my inner optimist. I forgot how rigidly tight ‘proper’ christians hold to their beliefs.

    This will be an interesting week.

    1. Trae Dorn

      I think it’s funny people are siding with Joe’s point of view.

      Don’t get me wrong, Joyce’s views on sexuality aren’t exactly healthy either necessarily, but Joe’s kind of a douchebag manwhore if you think about it long enough, and equally (if not significantly moreso) unhealthy. 😛

      1. sun tzu

        Joe has a terminal case of asshatery, and I love watching him suffer, but…I think Joyce, as she currently stands, is more self-destructive than him.

      2. Crimson Magic

        Joe’s upfront with his sexuality though, and doesn’t force it upon anyone. I have a hard time seeing any asshatery from him here, only naivety.

        1. Penthesilea

          I agree!

  7. ScytheAkse

    Joe needs to joe mike with his penis. tho that may scare joyce away.. hmmmmmmmmm

    1. NF

      The way your mind works frightens me

      1. ScytheAkse

        the way my brain frightens me aswell =/

        1. ScytheAkse

          my brain works*

    2. Rognik

      I think Joe would be scarred from that experience, as well. (Not scared, scarred.) Mike is arguably apathetic enough not to care, but Joe is distinctly straight. To a fault, perhaps.

      1. ScytheAkse

        i was thinking joe would penis slap mike.. idk how scarring that would be.

  8. Kater

    “It’s like this job was made special, just for me.”

  9. Ragnal

    I’d like to think “lust” doesn’t just refer to sex, buuuuut who the hell knows.

    1. Jabberwocky

      Unless you can have sex with power.

      Somehow.

      1. bramblepatch

        Your avatar is very apt, there.

  10. Inara

    With Joe, maybe Mike should’ve started that countdown around five…

    1. Cassidy

      nono… the count down should be 1..PUNCH 1..PUNCH

      1. The Sound Defense

        One-half, pull! One-half, pull!

        …man I’m a nerd.

        1. Malph

          We all are.

        2. dchorror

          Takes longer to say.

      2. Kamino Neko

        <Blue Beetle> One Punch! One Punch! </Blue Beetle>

        1. Osaru Sensei

          HAH.

          For those of you not in the know…

        2. JackNapier

          Ooh! Ooh! I’m in the know!

        3. Jabberwocky

          And knowing is half the battle.

        4. Foxeyes13

          Bwahahaha!

        5. Taryn

          For a brief moment I thought the mouth in your avatar was a big mustache…. It quite confused me. XD

  11. David Herbert

    Well, the statistic is a load of crap, but I’m going to enjoy Mike punching Joe every seven seconds.

    1. NF

      I think even in-comic the statistic is false, but Joe claims it is true to try to justify his Joe-ness. Which makes it even funnier that Mike uses it to justify punching Joe every 7 seconds.

      1. Locke

        Wait, crap, you mean that’s NOT normal?

        Er, I mean, yeah, Joe’s a total unnatural perv. That statistic is COMPLETELY off-target, no reason to believe otherwise.

    2. Rognik

      Even if it’s accurate, it’s only an average estimate at best. And not necessarily a conscious one. Even if it is, if you think about it for 2 seconds, does that mean it’s followed by 12 seconds of no-sex?

  12. Joebo

    Mike should have punched him in the face for saying “FUCK!”

    1. Locke

      Then he’d probably drop the F-bomb again, causing Mike to punch him again, causing him to drop the F-bomb again, causing Mike…

      INFINITE PUNCH LOOP. UNIVERSE IMPLODES UNDER MIKE’S FIST.

  13. Joebo

    Mike’s dialogue in panel 6 has a huge-normous typo in it.

    1. Teowulf

      Yep, I was gonna comment on that. Should be “Who were” not “so you who were.”

  14. Darth Cariss

    I’m surprised Joe is taking this without fighting back, but I guess that’s the joy of comics.

    1. Björn

      He mustn’t fight in front of Joyce, I guess.

    2. Crimson Magic

      Joe’s been sucker punched twice. I don’t think he’s going to take number 3 here. Here’s to hoping that Joe’s about to give Mike a little bit of his own medicine.

  15. zuche

    So Joe is about to be beaten to death by an urban legend?

    And Joyce! Such language! Joe is Odin apology for that one. Stay out of the Frey, though, or you’ll be Thor for the rest of the week.

    1. Undrhil

      Speaking of “such language”… what’s with all the norse mentions?

      1. Rognik

        Frig, an appeal to Frigg, the Norse fertility goddess. Easy to Loki-te if you know where to look. (psst! It’s on wikipedia)

      2. dchorror

        For the puns, it would seem.

  16. The Sound Defense

    When I first saw the comic title on Twitter, I thought that somebody would be ordering a second helping of something. Now I get it, though: Joe’s about to get a second helping of Mike’s fist.

    1. begbert2

      Or like, there’s seven “seconds” between thoughts/punches.

      1. The Sound Defense

        Yes, thank you, that was the joke.

  17. Alechsa

    Congratulations Joe… you have given Mike permission with a single phrase to punch you every 7 seconds…. FOREVER.

    Comic over, no further punchlines are available as Mike will be beating on Joe throughout every panel. Have a good one, people! *waves from the curtain dropping*

    1. Björn

      Naw, Mike has only been given a free punch pass for the duration of the date.

  18. Dahlia

    ^^;; Joe, I think you’re just making matters worse for yourself…

    or should I say your face (FAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCEEE!!! <— curse this meme, even I'm doing it!) … D:

  19. Tana

    Actually guys, he IS slightly correct. A male’s mind is wired to think of reproduction. It’s kind of down to the basics of survival 101.

    “Pass on your genes before you die.”

  20. OhNoUDiNt

    I’m offended by Joe’s comment. Not all guys think about sex every seven seconds. Like Mike, some of us think about violently punching someone every seven seconds. We think about sex during the other six.

  21. turkishproverb

    Love the skip down to 2 in counting. Mike’s taking this seriously enough to account for the time he was talking.

    1. turkishproverb

      Man. These image changes are just getting weirder and weirder…

    2. ziggy78eog

      Mike is not skipping anything, he is merely taking into account the length of time it takes to ask the question.

      1. turkishproverb

        That’s what I said.

  22. Ozzmandius

    I thought it was supposedly every 6 seconds? Some guys at my school named their band “Every 6 Seconds” and said that was why.
    Although it’s only a one second difference. 😛

  23. Rali

    That’s actually a really good question.

  24. LiamKav

    Well, it clearly doesn’t make any sense if you think about it for more than (*rim shot*) 7 seconds. What does it mean? You think about sex for a moment, other stuff for 6 seconds, then sex again? What about if you’re thinking about it for a few minutes? Does it include sleeping? How are they measuring? If you ask someone “are you thinking about sex” the only realistic answer is “well, I am now”.

    Of course, as pointed out, none of this matters. It’s Joe. He will be thinking it.

    1. goatman95111

      Urban legend. Apparently women think about it just as much as men. They just perceive it differently.

      1. agentksilver

        FOOLS! HAVE YOU NOT UNDERSTOOD THE SCIENCE OF THIS? ONE OUT OF EVERY SEVEN SECONDS SPENT TOTAL IN THE DAY IS SPENT — WASTED! — ON THOUGHTS OF TIMES WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX. IT DOES NOT GO – SIX SECONDS OF WORLD DOMINATION – A SECOND OF INTERCOURSE – SIX SECONDS OF CRUSHING THE HEAD GENERAL OF THE LOCAL PIZZA BUFFET UNDER MY STEEL-TOED BOOT – A SECOND OF INTERGENDER RELATIONS – A SO ON. IT GOES — AN HOUR SPENT ON PLEASANT DISCOURSE AND OUTLINING OF WORLD DOMINATION PLAN – TEN MINUTES OF THOUGHTS OF SEX. AND SO ON.

  25. ziggy78eog

    It might be an Urban Myth, but this is Joe. He will believe in anything that will help him land a girl, or two, in the sack.

  26. Swayze

    Me, personally, would probably never have gone along with the whole “angry dude gets to punch me for saying certain words” thing X) I might have tried, but it would most likely have escalated into me trying to bash in said angry dude’s head. But yeah, Joe should most likely try a different strategy. 1. Drug Mike. 2. Continue the conversation with Joyce. 3. Realise the girls VERY set in her ways, and most likely more than a tad ignorant. 4. Leave the madness behind and go Joe some other chick. 5. Eat pizza. 6. See the light and stop being a douche.

    1. begbert2

      I’m not really seeing how one goes from 5 to 6, there. Are underwear gnomes involved?

      1. Rognik

        It’s the missing link. Or, if you’re more inclined that way, a miracle from God happened.

  27. agentksilver

    THERE IS A PLACE IN GALASSO’S DARK ARMIES FOR A MAN AS CHIVALROUS AS MIKE. IN GALASSO’S DARK ARMIES, EVERY SEVEN SECONDS IS SPENT DESTROYING OUR COMPETITION IN SOME WAY. YOU HAVE NOT LIVED IF YOU HAVE NOT EATEN GALASSO’S PIZZAS, AND YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DO NOT.

    1. agentksilver

      YOU HAVE SEVEN SECONDS TO DECIDE.

  28. Undrhil

    I think Joe just ensured that he will be going home without joeing Joyce.

  29. Bill M.

    Joe, the proper response is, “Myself. At least it’s sex with someone I love.”

  30. Doom Shepherd

    Guys are also hardwired to desire to mate with any female of childbearing age. Which starts at puberty.

    Just because it’s “biology,” doesn’t necessarily make it a good idea, Joe.

  31. BD

    So… who does Mike think about every 7 seconds?

    1. Kamino Neko

      Your mom.

      1. BD

        Naturally. He kept that one superpower – the ability to think about every mother in the world at any given time.

  32. Penthesilea

    Aww, Joe! I didn’t expect to be siding with him so much during this date, but even if his statistic is bullshit, he does have a point. He may be a crass jerk, but he’s very upfront about the whole thing at least (with his penis).

    I eagerly await more of Galasso’s chef hat, beeteedubs.

  33. Darkflame

    Yeah, I know films and tv often tell us to “trust our instincts” but honestly, its not a good idea….

    Mind you, I always wondered with the every-7-seconds idea actualy came from.

  34. moist

    Huh. If you read it backwards, Joe yells at Mike because he wasn’t thinking of sex with Joyce, so Mike punches him. Joe is completely undeterred by this, states a random fact, and Joyce is confused. So, Joe asks her a question, avoiding her confusion.

    1. Faaace

      And then he Joes her.

  35. dchorror

    Joe has a point, but he’s making the wrong argument. The seven sins deal a lot into human advancement, but should be done in moderation when taken.

    1. Wackd

      You want to discuss moderation with Joyce? Good luck.

      1. dchorror

        I never said he was arguing with the right person either. Just saying about the argument itself.

  36. Strephon

    I’m reminded of a parody of the MMPI that ran in the “Journal of Irreproducible Results”, which like the original was a list of statements that the test-taker had to state whether they applied to them or not. One was “I am often bothered by thoughts of sex while having intercourse.”

  37. Jack

    I like how joyce says “friggin” and then attacks joe about his language in the next comic. 😉

  38. Kelsey

    Here, Joe, have a shovel in case you’d like to dig yourself any deeper.

  39. Maycroft

    He cannot be stopped now!

  40. David Nuttall

    I doubt she would say “friggin'” as most people I know like that avoid the use of swear words altogether.

    1. David M Willis

      I feel strongly confident that a person like Joyce would use swear stand-ins, for some reason.

  41. Aisling

    Mike is like the Chris Hansen of dating, only he punches people instead of stalking them lol.

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