122

Spiral
Posted on June 3, 2019 by David M Willis

122 thoughts on “Spiral”

  1. Doctor_Who

    The journey to a billion dicks starts with a single “douchebag”.

    1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

      Interesting that Joyce would choose that swear word to begin with, rather than one of the more commonly-used ones… xD

      1. Tacos

        We all gotta start somewhere. I remember my first swear word was “fuck.”

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          You and Julia Wertz.

          Her Topatoco site has a coffee cup featuring the center panel. I can just see Joyce’s face the first time she sees Sarah drinking from it (and Sarah would totally own one).

        2. Zygorth

          Mine was Cocksucker. Some random driver cut us off, and my dad forgot there was a toddler (me) in the backseat.

      2. Norah

        She’s already said “shit”, once within her mom’s hearing!

        1. Bagge

          And of course a memorable instance of “Damn”

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/01-to-those-whod-ground-me/language/

        2. Needfuldoer

          Cross “asshole” off the Joyce cuss list.

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/occasionally/

        3. Bagge

          Dina keeps score

          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2015/comic/book-6/02-that-perfect-girl/pg/

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Joyce is going to ride a billion dicks, now that’s what I call ambition.

      1. LookingIN

        She’d make Roz jealous

      2. Bagge

        That seems like a reasonable progression from drawing a billion dicks.

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2014/comic/book-4/04-the-whiteboard-dong-bandit/cleaning/

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          One gives you RSI, the other, STDs.

    3. FacelessDeviant

      “The journey to a billion dicks” sounds like a terrible fantasy novel.

      1. Roborat

        But still better than 50 Shades?

        1. FacelessDeviant

          Not that kind of fantasy.

          But yes. Still better.

  2. Kelli217

    When did the time on the server get fixed?

    1. David M Willis

      Month or two ago. It’s already drifted about a minute.

      1. drs

        There are ways for servers to continually adjust their time so they don’t drift. NTP and all.

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          “Repent, Harlequin!” said the Ticktockman.

  3. Kindra

    Baby steps, Joyce. Baby steps.

    1. Diner Kinetic

      I mean if my baby started saying “douchebag” at random I’d be proud too, so yeah she’s getting there

    2. Arawn

      Someday she’ll learn that morality and conscience did not originate with the bible. When she does, it will make sense. She might even wonder how she thought that morality was solely the property of the religious.

      Y’know. If she thinks about it.

      1. Miri

        Look at the pedestal she has Dorothy on – she knows *other people* can be good and also atheists. She has just never really thought about her own sense of morality without the framework of the bible, methinks…

        I can see her assuming she’d go off the rails and trying it out then realising that bad wild child behaviour just isn’t her, with either hilarious or tragic results long the way.

        1. Chronos

          Hilagic?

          Tralarious?

          hmmm.. it’s definitely going to be one of those.

        2. merbrat

          Lopez on Lucifer went through it. It was tragicute.

      2. Kim

        Perfect gravatar for this comment! ^_^

      3. Felian

        i was raised to believe that morality was a property of the religious, or rather, the exact right kind of christianity. For a long time i shunned getting too close emotionally to non-christians…. until i met people who are actually morally good and not just dogmatically pretentious. That was all i needed at that point to turn my back on that religion.

  4. BBCC

    awww, honey. It’s okay to start small.

    Like the word ‘phooey’. 😛

    1. He Who Abides

      Yeah, I was expecting a smaller start, honestly. Dunno why.

  5. timemonkey

    And later on she’s gonna think about boys and not cry afterward!

    1. King Daniel

      Madness, I tells ya!

  6. Schpoonman

    Ironically, this just proves that Joyce is too good and pure for this world.

    Bets on who or what catalyzes her first “fuck”? I’m betting it’s Carol.

    1. mrnoidea

      Ooh, yes, let it be Carol.

      1. AntJ

        Also re: last storyline’s ending, what are the odds Hank and Carol divorce?

        1. Thursday Violist

          I’m betting it’s going to happen shortly after Joyce’s sister comes out to them/is outed/however it happens.

    2. Ragnarok101

      Thought that already happened with Toedad…

  7. Titus_Brendronicus

    Joyce is so bad at like consciously rebelling

  8. Lily

    Joyce is too cute 🙁

  9. Madock345

    At least she hasn’t made a cube of the chairs yet

    1. Tacos

      Yet.

      1. Keulen

        Give her time.

        1. Khyrin

          but Joyce doesn’t even have ONE cat yet…

    2. Roborat

      She has, just two sides are transparent.

  10. Stephen Bierce

    *plays whatever version of “I’m Not In Love” you feel like hearing on the hacked Muzak*
    There’s like thirty or forty covers of the thing! I remember when the original was a hit. Man.

    1. Norah

      I remember it too. It was the year I graduated from high school. Yes, I’m old.

    2. Djenk

      It’s the original 10cc version for me.

      1. Charlie Spencer

        What does it say about me if that’s the only version I know of?

        Not that isn’t, you understand. Why, I must know a half-dozen off hand, in at least three different genres. Yeah, maybe more.

        1. Kamino Neko

          Yeah…I’d never heard any other version until just now when I looked up covers and turned on the Pretenders version (the only band/performer I really like on the list)… Hell, I don’t remember ever hearing the original until it was used in Guardians of the Galaxy.

    3. Schpoonman

      Hercules version, obviously.

      In other news, I’ve been playing Hades and now there are TWO characters named Megaera I’ve crushed on.

      1. Schpoonman

        Oh, wait. Totally different song. Damn, I was off-base.

    4. Fergus Maximus

      All us olds, getting our old on. Ah, 10CC. Man, wasn’t nostalgia better back then? Having said that, I hated high school so much. Bookish kid in a sports-obsessed country town. Hooray for cities and the freedom to escape!

  11. Lia47

    joyce talking to god like https://66.media.tumblr.com/f1d2b4ca1f69ed6d6e9e936944d082b7/tumblr_omhtvr9AC71txwpgyo1_1280.png

    1. Paradoxius

      CYELATM is great! That’s such a mischievous little face.

  12. Rabid Rabbit

    For a second, I thought she was on her knees in panel 1, and that her knee was in fact her ass, sticking well out.

    I’m sure Butts would be equally disappointed at not getting to add this to their gravatar collection.

    1. Delicious Taffy

      She’s sitting cross-legged, I think.

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        Yeah, I figured that out. But in the immediate…

  13. DailyBrad

    Pace yourself, Joyce. Gotta work yourself up to the complex blasphemies.

    1. BarerMender

      You’re there when, like Cyntia Heimel, you can tell someone to sit the cocksuck down.

      1. BarerMender

        *Cynthia*

  14. TrueVCU

    And so, it begins

  15. Tacos

    Whoa we got a badass over here. Don’t nobody try to stop her.

  16. Piotr W

    Oh dear. She’s going mad…

  17. Lacuna

    In the words of the immortal Eartha Kitt:

    Prim and proper, the girl who’s never been cased,
    I’m tired of being pure and not chased.
    Like something that seeks it’s level
    I wanna go to the devil.

    I wanna be evil, I wanna spit tacks
    I wanna be evil, and cheat at jacks
    I wanna be wicked, I wanna tell lies
    I wanna be mean, and throw mud pies

  18. CMasta

    Joyce Slipshine Countdown Clock has moved a little bit closer to zero

    1. Keulen

      A few milliseconds closer, but that is technically closer.

  19. Bicycle Bill

    Darn it all to heck!!!

  20. ADLegend21

    WTF Joyce you gotta go big and start calling people J*rks

    1. ninja_jesus

      J… Jorks?

    2. Delicious Taffy

      G*sh h*ckin’ d*rn that m**nie-h**d.

  21. Bagge

    STAND BACK, WE’VE GOT A BADASS!

  22. Kaffeeteria

    REBEL ON, GIRL!
    Seriously, this is one huge step for a person who still KINDA believes that there actually may be an all-powerful being staring directly at her from outer space.

  23. abysswatcher1993

    What is a god to a nonbeliever?
    The nonbeliever is either Joyce of Godzilla.

    1. Jhon

      Ceiling Joyce. Is watching you…

  24. Batz

    The sheer Joyce adorability is becoming hazardous to my curmudgeonly misanthropy.
    The cuteness hurts.

    1. Bagge

      You and Sarah both.

  25. Arianod

    *Snif* She’s come so far.

  26. Mr. Random

    ….. This strip kinda makes me wonder how someone currently ensonced in religious fundamentalism would see Joyce’s arc through the past 9 books up to now.
    Everything from her moving in, to the party, to dating Ethan, to the acceptance of Becky, to the fight against Becky’s dad, to…now.

  27. Dierna

    Well… ya gotta start somewhere… *lol*

  28. auroki

    Well done!

  29. newllend(henryvolt)

    And you see this raises another concern as far as her up bringing is concerned. This notion that God is only where the church is or in other context god is only where any self designated big town hall claiming to be a church is.

    1. King Daniel

      She mentioned to Ethan early on, around the time when they started going out, that while she believes God to be everywhere, in church he’s like double-ply.”

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        And she also thinks (or at least, at one point thought) that all the dead people you know who are in heaven can see you all the time and judge you. Presumably God can do the same.

  30. Huehuetotl

    I know different people take different paths out of belief. I wonder if she’s going to panic about blaspheming the Holy Spirit, I’ve seen that a lot. I don’t remember if I did, but I did go through some heresies on my way out.

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      The reason that’s a great one to panic over is that no one knows what the sin against the holy spirit is. Is it despair? Is it masturbating? Is it yawning during the Lord’s Prayer? Is it talking to an atheist without trying to convert them? Is it eating shellfish? No one has a fecking clue…

  31. NinjaNick

    Uh-oh. She’s slowly becoming the Anti-Joyce.

  32. Reltzik

    Joyce, in all seriousness, you KNOW better. Your atheist friends have shown you that’s not true.

    …. well, okay, they do sex-sin stuff and curse-sin stuff… except I’m pretty sure the Bible doesn’t list saying obscenities as a sin, but whatever…

    1. deliverything

      When I was young, I was vaguely taught that it was a part of that “taking God’s name in vain” stuff. It took longer than I’d like to admit for me to realise how little sense that made.
      Then again, most of the religious things I was expected to believe weren’t particularly logical, so I sort of just accepted it along with the rest (until I didn’t anymore).

  33. John

    There’s still a spot awaiting you on the scoreboard, Joyce. I’ve got your color set and everything.

  34. Willoughby Chase

    It’s good step, I’m waiting for the F-day.

    As it was foretold, the heavens shall crack asunder and smittens will rain down on us!

  35. AGV

    “God is dead”
    “Let me guess, and we killed him”
    “Nah, it was Joyce Brown all on her own”

    1. Bagge

      Honestly, in a fight between God and Joyce, I’m not betting any big money on God.

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        “Bow your head to wrath.” — Joyce, to God

  36. Eldritch Gentleman

    You might have taken the Church out of your weekly schedule but you can’t take the Church out of your heart.

  37. JessWitt

    For training wheel swears, Joyce can attempt some Good Place cussing.

    1. Solenoid

      Speaking of the Good Place, it was kind of a giveaway regarding that show that they couldn’t swear properly. At least “fork” is hilarious.

      1. JessWitt

        Never really occurred to me. Just assumed it’s a nice place so of course that’s why it can’t be done.

  38. Bagge

    Joyce have tried this whole swearing-thing before.

    It was not super effective.

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-4/01-the-only-dope-for-me-is-you/duhduh/

  39. JBento

    *gasps*
    *clutches pearls*
    *faints*

    1. Bagge

      *Drops monocle*

      1. JBento

        Sacré bleu, not ze monocle. Vite, ze smelling salts!

      2. Roborat

        Not a problem, just go to SMBC, they sell spares.

  40. QuantumKittydynamics

    Oh man, look out, firecracker on the loose!

  41. Deanatay

    Not going to church.

    Still talking to God.

    Baby steps.

  42. Charlotte

    Aw man, I feel sorry for Joyce. Having your rug pulled from under you this completely is hard.

  43. Solenoid

    The single-chair version of the Cube of Solitude involves flipping it on its side, and hiding out on the floor and against a wall.

  44. ValdVin

    “D-d-da-dee-buh-de-da, oh, fiddlesticks!”

    –Porky Pig (probably at one point, did this)

  45. leadsynth

    It sorta looks like Joyce is calling God a d-bag. Here for this.

  46. Taellosse

    I’ve always wondered why “douche” and variations became an insult, but no other personal hygiene products are. You just don’t hear people get called “tampons.”

    For that matter, even sex-toy-derived name-calling is pretty unusual – I’d think calling people “dildos” and “cock rings” would be more popular, for example, especially considering they’re ripe for layering double-meaning in there (call someone a dildo when they’re being both a jerk & insincere, i.e. a fake dick; someone’s a cock ring when their relentless arrogance is interfering with everyone else’s fun, since cock rings both inflate & retard orgasm).

    I mean, my understanding is douching isn’t even that common (and not recommended by most gynecologists), yet I heard it used for insults for literally years before I even figured out what it actually WAS. Why that, but not more common genitally-related paraphernalia? Condoms, dental dams, butt plugs, strap-on, menstrual pads & more are all right there & yet it’s just various synonyms for the genitals themselves, the bodily extretions they produce, and this one outlier of the douche. It’s weird,

    1. ValdVin

      My (admittedly casual) “research” has heard the word “dildo” used as an insult.

    2. Liquid Len

      I blame Manfred Mann 🙂

    3. Delicious Taffy

      Douche is a pointless waste of time and money that certain people are still somehow convinced is a necessity. Sounds like a pretty biting insult, to me.

      Condoms, on the other hand, are actually useful and help prevent unwanted diseases. We also don’t need them to be used as an insult, because it implies there’s something bad about them.

      If I had to take a guess, I’d say dental dams aren’t exactly common knowledge, so as an insult, it would probably just fly over people’s heads. And let’s be honest, even if you explain what they are, an upsetting amount of people would just shrug and say something like “I don’t go down there anyway”.

      The dildos, strap-ons, and butt plugs are solid, though. I’ve heard a few brownnosers and overly-clingy couples referred to as butt plugs because they always seem to be buried up someone’s ass.

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        “Dental dam” also just isn’t that snappy.

        1. Delicious Taffy

          ‘Round these parts, the person’s more likely to think you’re calling them Dental Dan, probably as some sort of dig at their oral hygiene.

  47. DarkoNeko

    *gasp*

  48. wakeangel2001

    she needs to establish a support network, at this point she’s basically a child vulnerable to all of the peer pressure and bad influences.

    1. Cephalo the Pod

      Does she not already have Dorothy and Sarah (and Becky, to an extent)? And Jocelyne? Maybe her dad?

    2. thejeff

      Has she actually shown any real sign of being vulnerable to peer pressure and bad influences?
      Other than the bad influence of her upbringing, of course.
      Carol would think she’d succumbed to bad influences, but Carol’s wrong.

      1. Bagge

        If anything, Joyce have shown to be extremely resilient against the bad influences of her upbringing.

        I suppose there is this whole thing
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2016/comic/book-6/03-when-god-closes-the-door/personal/

  49. Chris Borgars-Smith

    Acher, is that you???

  50. Amias

    This brings back memories of my twelve year old self, telling my parents I was too sick for church so I could lie depressed in bed and experiment with saying “fuck”. Willis, you get it.

  51. Kaffeeteria

    I just feel that she has made her joyce.

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