99

Stomped
Posted on October 29, 2019 by David M Willis
Hey, I got my health insurance bill for the hernia surgery I got this summer, so, yo, if, uh, you want to buy stuff from me at my web store, that'd be really neato. (it's not, like, a life-destroying bill or anything, aka don't worry about me, but i thought i'd drop the link anyway)

99 thoughts on “Stomped”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    “also get hit ON a lot harder”

    I mean, makes sense tho, to just go ahead and forgive someone when their hardest punch is basically like a strong gust of wind

    1. Ana Chronistic

      I imagine your bill was more than my $100 out of pocket for a not-asked-for urine test or my $600 out of pocket for them to poke my kidney and take a piece

      1. Stephen Bierce

        To paraphrase Kryten from Red Dwarf, put those two figures you mentioned together, then DOUBLE them…

      2. Clif

        Ouch?

    2. Emperor Norton II

      I dunno, Dorothy hit pretty dang hard on Walky from day one.

      1. Ana Chronistic

        I thought Walky was the one who hit HER (with a toy)

  2. sunflowerofice

    Plus she might hit you in a more…… painful spot lets say.

    1. Doctor_Who

      I don’t think Sal needs to fight dirty. She could match Amazi-Girl in a fair fight, and she’s taken down people much bigger than her, so Sal’s got skills.

      1. DailyBrad

        She sorta-did. She correctly figured out Amber let Sal choke her, so the fight really is kind of in question.

        1. Clif

          Also, I think it was men that decided it was fighting dirty.

        2. Jamie

          Right? No one calls a hit to the solar plexus “fighting dirty”. Oh no, you punched my throat and I can’t breathe, but that’s just a normal fighting thing.

          Balls ain’t that special, guys.

        3. ego

          if you aren’t gouging eyes, you’re not fighting, you’re just showing off.

        4. Terry

          Admittedly a guy here. I’m personally of the opinion that a hit to the balls is pretty dirty. And if a guy is trying to hurt you, going for the groin is fair play as attacking someone who doesn’t want to fight is also dirty. So the victim can attack the groin, but the attacker cannot. I feel comfortable in this rule as I don’t plan to hit anyone who doesn’t hit me first, so my dangly bits are safe.

        5. Michael Haneline

          Oh, are we doing this now? Also
          “admittedly a guy here”. Also a martial artist for 20+ years.
          Going for the groin isn’t fighting dirty. Anyone who thinks so is *incredibly* naive. It’s in my art’s list of “6 deadly striking points” (I actually think “deadly” is a silly/dramatic choice of adjective but I didn’t name ’em) but it’s not even in the top 4 in terms of prioritizing (eyes, ears, nose, and throat are all *usually* more effective).
          If you’re afraid of going for the balls because it’ll make you look less macho or whatever bullshit, then the situation probably wasn’t dire enough to merit a fight in the first place, ya lame ass peacock.

        6. BBCC

          It is dirty fighting in the sense most competitions wouldn’t allow it and it’s generally seen as dishonourable to go for squishy bits – eyes and throats are generally not areas you’re supposed to fuck with either. Same reason sucker punches are bad.

          If someone’s coming at you for real though? Fuck that. You fight to win, not to play fair if someone’s trying to hurt you.

        7. Dr. D.

          Raising a 10YO boy means thinking a lot about a philosophy of fights. They happen for a variety of reasons (from posturing and/or asserting dominance to actually trying to inflict or avoid real injury). As I’ve told him, smart people avoid the first two types. And if they’re in the last type (what I call a “real” fight), anything goes. Real fights don’t have rules except “win without serious jail time”. And if you’re in a “fair” fight, that just indicates bad planning.

          Of course, my daughter got the same instruction. They both knew how to do a proper choke by age 6, and a fair bit of grappling/striking. And they both knew that the only fights that were acceptable to Mom and Dad were ones they didn’t start, or (alternately) started to defend weaker kids being picked on.

    2. FacelessDeviant

      Isn’t it quite painful for women to be hit in their crotches as well?

      1. Opus the Poet

        Depends more on the angle of attack on that one. Some directions are as bad as nutshots for us guys, other directions are no more uncomfortable than a spanking in BDSM play. Also highly dependent on the female involved as they have lots of variation in their configuration, some have lots of non-vulnerable directions and others it doesn’t matter which way you hit them it’s gonna HURT!

        Side note: the ones with no place or direction that is safe to hit are equally easy to please physically.

        1. begbert2

          So what you’re saying is, if I meet a woman and want to know if I will be able to make her happy, before anything else I should give her a good solid kick to the crotch. If she writhes on the ground in agony, introduce myself politely and ask her how her day’s been going.

          I have my game plan.

        2. Sunny

          Your logic is sound, but I can’t shake the feeling that you may be forgetting to include some variables and premises.

        3. He Who Abides

          No, no. Let begbert figure it out. FOR SCIENCE!

        4. Felian

          This can’t go wrong!

  3. butts

    “figgered ah’d kick ya instead, hurts longer that way”

    1. Jess

      Would you say she’d kick his *butts*?

      You may now kick me for the bad pun. I apologize. lol

      1. butts

        i was thinking more his nuts, heyo

        1. Jess

          I’m sure there are nut puns somewhere, but I’m too tired to think of them. lol.

        2. butts

          if you can’t think of any english ones you can always try in sugondese

        3. King Daniel

          Are you saying you cannut think of a pun?

        4. TheCerpent

          The field of nut puns can lead one to study more esoteric (m)academia.

        5. Ana Chronistic

          He’s gonna get (nut)sacked??

  4. King Daniel

    “And I don’t know that I’d be able to afford the medical bills if you punched me hard enough”

    1. OBBWG

      $34,962.88

      (Too soon?)

      1. Jon Rich

        I don’t get the reference.

        1. OBBWG

          Willis’ pre-insurance hernia bill. (It is greatly reduced by his health insurance coverage).

        2. Opus the Poet

          Is that all? My pre-insurance bill from getting hit with a truck came to over a quarter million dollars in 2001. And they still missed a broken bone in my leg. But given they had to sew my face back on, patch an 8″ by 4″ hole in my calf, fix 2 breaks in my femur, one low and one in my hip, and wait until my colon came back online after all that damage shut it down, not to mention the hardware I sorta walked away with to hold all that mess together, missing a non-displaced fracture surrounded by muscles dying from compartment syndrome is understandable.

          But Still More Than $250000 is a lot of money. In today’s dollars that’s like $361,000. In today’s medical bills it would be closer to a half-million, because I got a ton of opiates with all the broken bones and those have gone up a bunch, not to mention all the other drugs…

        3. OBBWG

          (Too soon?) because medical bills aren’t a laughing matter.

        4. Emperor Norton II

          It’ll be funny once USA becomes civilized and gets universal healthcare.

        5. Geneseepaws

          So you’re predicting ‘never’?

        6. Emperor Norton II

          Don’t be so negative.

          We have 4 billion years before the sun devours the earth.

          Surely USA will get it at least three years before then.

  5. Shane Wegner

    Walky’s gentle caress scarcely counts as a punch at all!

  6. abysswatcher1993

    Punching him wouldn’t be worthy of Sal. He isn’t as annoying as Malaya, nor self righteous as Amber, nor pretentious as Jason. He is just a good looking asshole trying to get a smoke outside and not get attention from crreps like Blaine.

    1. Sunny

      Now I’m imagining Blaine as an anthropomorphic pancake.

    2. thejeff

      Well, he’s also a member of an organized crime family though he claims to be going straight. And he’s apparently working with Blaine.

      So, I’d put him worse than Malaya or Amber at least.

      We’ll see how dedicated he is to reform and how the thing with Blaine plays out. Right now though, he’s still at least tentatively on the villain side.

      1. He Who Abides

        He’s still better than Mary, though that’s not terribly hard.

  7. PHNX

    Oh, I’d bet good money that Sal hits a heckuva lot harder than her brother.
    When she hits you, ya STAY hit!

    1. abysswatcher1993

      Unless you are Malaya, or Amber. The DOA women are STRONG!

  8. Stephen Bierce

    The way she’s talking I expect she’s got a much more radical retribution on her mind for him.

    1. DailyBrad

      Maybe so. I’m curious myself. Wouldn’t be shocked if she’s just here for catharsis, though.

      1. abysswatcher1993

        She is probably there to warn him.
        Sal: “I don’t hate you, but beware that I don’t fall for the same thing twice.”

      2. Needfuldoer

        I like to think she’s just done with having the dumb, attention-seeking misteps of her youth hanging over her head. (Especially since her revelation during/after her fight with Amber.)

  9. Kyrik Michalowski

    Sorry to hear about the medical bill, I feel you on that. I’m losing my insurance at the end of the year so I’m not looking forward to dealing with that.

    1. Keulen

      The healthcare system in this country sucks.

      1. Needfuldoer

        But it’s the best* healthcare system money** can*** buy***!

        * According to those who benefit from the status quo
        ** A lot of it
        *** Exclusions apply
        **** Terms and conditions apply

        A system that doesn’t create mountains of shareholder value can’t possibly work!
        /s

        1. Ryek Hvek

          unfortunately, Trumpcare declares being alive a pre-existing condition

        2. thejeff

          It is probably the best money can buy. If we could just keep money from buying it, we’d have something better.

  10. DailyBrad

    I’m really curious where this storyline is going to go. Asher’s someone who has thus far had some surprises for us, and I don’t think that’s about to change just yet.

  11. Clif

    She said she wasn’t going to punch you. She didn’t say she wasn’t going to hit on you.

  12. Regalli

    Honestly I doubt Walky knows how to throw a punch right anyway.

  13. Dr. T

    Regarding the hernia surgery, I had to pay for mine out of pocket when my insurance decided after the fact that they would not pay for it after all. In short, they got me to get the surgery in order to avoid other issues they might have to pay for, then stiffed me and stuck me with the bill.

    It sucked.

  14. BarerMender

    I guess when you’re young five years seems like a long time.

    1. Madock345

      Can seem like a long time when you’re older too. Time compression has more to do with routine than with age. Shake your life up often enough and it will feel much longer.

  15. BBCC

    That’s a sucker’s bet, Asher.

    That said, the glimmery emotion eyes are cute.

    1. Sunny

      Like a ruggedly handsome puppy.

  16. Tacos

    Of course she hits harder than Walky. I don’t think he actually knows how to throw a punch correctly anyways and his punches are probably as hard as a gentle breeze.

  17. Piotr W

    So, here’s a honest and serious question: how hard can a typical woman punch?

    I’m asking, as I’ve been brought up in a society where the idea was (and still tends to be, I think) that women can’t carry weight or fight. So, I’m still quite puzzled as to what’s the actual strength difference between men and women?

    1. not someone else

      Slightly less hard than the typical man because most people have no experience or training with actual fighting, so the hormonal differences in upper body musculature do make a difference presuming you manage to land a solid hit.

      For Sal? Way the fuck harder than that, because she knows what she’s doing and where to aim.

    2. Derek

      Most women who are professional martial artists don’t throw straight boxing-style punches. They usually use something like taekwondo techniques, which uses the opponent’s weight and inertia against them.

      Anyway straight up punching usually sucks for your wrist and your knuckles.

      1. BBCC

        you and I know very different pro martial artists.

      2. Seregiel

        Am a tiny female who grew up doing taekwondo and… besides stances, basic blocks and front kicks, straight punching at 3 heights is the VERY first thing you learn. It’s even in the patterns. You break boards with kicks and punches and it’s a common part of tournaments. Punches and kicks were bread and butter and grappling came later with a healthy dose of hosinsul. I was awful at breaking holds, decent at throws, but I have punched someone playfully in a spar and accidentally knocked their tooth loose and was disqualified from spars in tournament because in female bracket I “kicked too hard”… because they cried when they didn’t block a tournament target area. So I’m going to go with no. That’s not true at all and I don’t even think that martial art is one of the best for a straight up fight.

        1. Seregiel

          Also. Anger, adrenaline, not windmilling you’re arm wildly and hitting with the correct part of your fist do wonders for power.

        2. BBCC

          Determination too. I’m also very tiny, but once my dad was standing outside the bathroom when I needed to use it and he was trying to talk to me, so I got desperate, grabbed him, lifted him off his feet, and moved him from the door and walked in. He’s a big guy. He didn’t think I could do it.

        3. SillyGoose

          Same thing in wushu (kungfu). Punches, punches and more punches (am female and petite).
          Also, as any volleyball player will tell you, it’s not about strength that much, but about speed. Accelerate that arm enough, and you’re getting a lot of energy. Remeber, e = mc² : doubling weight doubles the energy in the hit, but doubling speed quadruples it, and doesn’t require you to be tall/strong/heavy/a man.

        4. thejeff

          OTGH, it’s muscles that provide the speed. It’s not the bulk of the fist or the muscle that does that damage, but a good part of that speed is driven by the muscle. Stronger you are, the faster you can make it move.

          And the other thing they’ll teach you is to put your weight behind it anyway – punch from the hips. Quick jabs with just the arms don’t hit nearly as hard.

    3. FacelessDeviant

      There is a difference in about 10-20% muscle mass between the sexes.
      In addition, males have higher bone density.

      Not a doctor, but I’d wager its the testosteron.

      1. thejeff

        Pretty much.

        Beyond strict “punch force”, men also have on average larger size and more reach which help in a fight, so there’s a definite advantage. Certainly don’t underestimate a trained and fit woman though.

        1. BBCC

          Self defence pro-tip – go for squishy bits if someone bigger and stronger than you attacks you. Stomach, solar plexus, eyes, groin, things like that. If they’re coming at you with lethal force, throat’s a good spot too (only do this for lethal force though, because if you hit them hard enough to go down, there’s a decent chance they won’t get back up). They’ll go down for a while and it’ll give you a chance to run. If you can get at the squishy spot behind their knee, that’s good too. And it’s not squishy, but kicking someone in the shins or stamping as hard on their toes as you can is a decent way to get them off their feet. Nose won’t bring them down, but their eyes will water so they might not be able to chase you anyways. Also – if you’re trying to break a hold, direct your limb wherever their fingers meet – it’s where the hold is weakest. Alternatively – if you can get at their fingers, pull them in opposite directions as far as you can. Either they’ll let go or you’ll break their hand.

          And then run like hell.

        2. JBento

          Pretty much the only two animals that aren’t poisonous that NOTHING messes with are ravens and wildcats, and that’s because those two go for the eyes as opening (and pretty much only) moves, and pretty much no meal is worth the risk of not being able to see any meal ever again.

          I read that in a book when I was 6, and it was a piece of information that served me well when I hit 3rd grade and we shared a classroom with five fourth-graders that were old enough to be in 7th grade. I got physically bullied ONCE. I mean, I also got to not go outside during breaktime for a week, but after that I got to go outside and still not be bullied, which is waaaay more than any of my classmates could say.

        3. BBCC

          Punching my bully in the stomach made her back off – she still came up to me sometimes, but nowhere near as often. I felt like I could finally breathe.

          Soft, squishy parts – gets ’em every time.

      2. BBCC

        Testosterone definitely plays a role. A lot of women with higher testosterone levels have the same thing.

    4. CJ

      Typical women still don’t punch. They might be more competent with hitting an opponent than the romance film heroine in need of rescue, who ineffectually slap the bad guy’s face or back. But everyone has enough strength to break a nose, if they know how.
      Given how young women work out with weights at the Y, there are more women nowadays who have more upper muscle mass than a couch potato man, though.

      In the case of the walkertons, Sal knows what she is doing and is physically fit, Walky’s a couch potato and doesn’t have a clue.

    5. ischemgeek

      Am female bodied (pre T) and can break 250 lb board pretty easily.

      250lb board is generally what dudes break to show off how tough they are.

      I am not big or particularly well conditioned.

      I would argue that a majority of punch force is technique. I can punch harder than a newbie who outweighs me by 100lbs and outheights me by a foot because I know how to use my body more efficiently.

      Realistically speaking, though, his max potential force with training is probably greater than mine because size matters.

      Then again, pretty much nobody reaches their full technical potential for their body so really it comes down to practice and hard work in the overwhelming majority of cases. There are 100lb 15YOs who can produce more force than me because I am out of shape like whoa

    6. Jon S.

      Can’t speak for “typical” women, as typically I don’t give any of them a reason to hit me, but my autistic daughter was in junior high when one of the boys apparently touched her breast. She told him “no”, he did it again, and she decked him so hard his head (according to the teacher) bounced off the floor.

      (Teach wanted us to know in case the boy’s parents came to us – she was as proud of Morgana as we were.)

      (Postscript: never heard from the boy’s parents, either. I gather they were given the same play-by-play we were.)

      1. BigDogLittleCat

        High-five to your daughter!
        Chances are good that boy still keeps a respectful distance from girls/women.

    7. He Who Abides

      Having worked as a bouncer for a few years now, I can say that (in my experience only, yours may vary) the two women I had to deal with in my time didn’t bother with punching so much as clawing, though they were drunk at the time.

      Side note, my missus has been known to get in a few scraps over the years. She generally jumps on a guy and goes for the squishy bits. Don’t know if that helps anyone here.

    8. Rectilinear Propagation

      I don’t fight but, IIRC, my 1 rep max for deadlifts was over 300lbs back when I was still working out.

      I don’t recall what it was for bench presses but I remember trying 100lbs.

  18. Bagge

    That wasn’t a half-bad excuse… you piece of shit.

  19. Ohmsford

    Now kiss!

  20. Raznaak

    In the third panel, you can see genuine sorrowfulness/worry in his face.

    1. Mordecai

      meh

  21. Sol Karas

    THIS IS SO WHOLESOME I’M WAITING FOR THE BAD TO HAPPEN BECAUSE I DON’T TRUST WILLIS AT ALL D:

    Still, until something is revealed to be terrible, this is really cute.

    1. rtmq

      I’m calling it as Blaine and Thumb-Dad will get one over on the girls, we’ll reach the all-is-lost moment, and Sal will turn to Asher and ask for help. Asher will either return to his crime contacts or he’ll try to help and one of the dads will end up hurting him in some way and we’ll get to see exactly how much power Asher’s grandfather has over Blaine.

  22. Sirksome

    Eh. I don’t trust Asher and neither should Sal. He has a bad track record and isn’t even that good looking. I’ve seen him without his shirt on and smoking isn’t going to the gym buddy.

  23. Juanoku

    Walky punches like a bumper car and sal like a truck, Asher does well in not testing his luck

  24. Lone Duck

    A year or two ago (our time, don’t recall where we are in DoA time) Sal probably would’ve punched him. She’s been growing up pretty fast.

    1. Zatar

      Probably less then a week all told.

  25. Rabisch

    I like how peaceful and mature this moment it is.

  26. ǝ snow ʍousɐ

    Finally, an apology…

  27. Ray

    Queuing-up hatefuck now……

  28. Thunder Chicken

    I just had hernia surgery today. Free here in Canada though. Good luck with the recovery

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