208

Sumptuous
Posted on September 12, 2013 by David M Willis

HERE IS WHERE I WILL BE AT SMALL PRESS EXPO THIS WEEKEND

THE IMAGE AT THE TOP IS A NEW POSTER I WILL BE SELLING

ALSO LIMITED QUANTITIES OF BOOK 2

208 thoughts on “Sumptuous”

  1. Yotomoe

    But that’s not the case, little does Danny know.

  2. Bilfred

    Oh Danny, you fox

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      If Danny is a fox, then Amber is the fox-hound. 😀

      1. Yotomoe

        And now imagine “The Fox and the Hound” with Danny and Amber.

        1. Sammie1053

          Given the vague obliviousness-ridden romance between Danny amd Amber, combining that with The Fox and the Hound just seems like a recipe for furry porn.

        2. Paul

          Which, considering the nature of the story, would inevitably end in snuff.

          …I feel bad about myself for posting this.

        3. AJBulldis

          Oh that’s right, the pre-Disney version has more death.

        4. Chug

          You should.

        5. Thor

          What is that, Rule 35? Rule 36?

        6. Shadow12000

          D: But…tragedy will ensue then….

      2. Pyr05

        Coming soon from Disney.. The Fox and the Hound 5 – Gettin’ Freak-ay. Rated R.

      3. Aeron

        METAL GEAR?!?!?

  3. Sammie1053

    Danny: the master of subtlety.

    1. Yotomoe

      Danny’s actually Minoring in subtlety. His Major is Obliviousness.

    2. Cholma

      He’s a smooth operator.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Smooth as Bale’s Batman voice.

    3. Aizat

      Subtle as a fat ninja wearing bright colours.

      1. nekobawt

        SAFETY NINJA SAYS ALWAYS WEAR YOUR REFLECTIVE VEST WHEN RIDING YOUR BIKE AT NIGHT.

        1. Kernanator

          This is the third time I’ve read this and it still makes me laugh.

  4. Aizat

    Damn it, Danny!

    1. Bill M.

      I know. He is this close *holds up fingers less than a millimeter apart* to Dannying this situation.

  5. David Herbert

    I get the impression he’s uncomfortable with this.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Well he does think he is being unfaithful to Amazi-Girl.

      1. Yotomoe

        Amber should just text him from amazi-girl’s phone and say she told Amber it was fine.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          THREESOMES!

        2. Pyr05

          Amazi-girl should just come out and say she wants a three-way with Danny and Amber. Come on Danny. Live the DREAM!

        3. Plasma Mongoose

          Since Lucy is the new Amazi-Girl, this is now possible.

        4. BrianX

          Srsly? Lucy’d be, like, eight in this continuity.

        5. David Willis

          People’s relative ages can be whatever I want in this continuity, as I think has been pretty damn firmly established.

        6. JessWitt

          Huh, I was actually wondering about the age differences between Shortpacked & DoA. Thanks for clarifying that, Mr Willis.

        7. Random832

          Why are you encouraging people to continue the Amazi-Girl identity jokes? I thought you were trying to put a stop to that when you banned references to a certain four- er, eight-wheeled shortpacked! character.

        8. Plasma Mongoose

          Random832, Willis wanted to stop the Amazi-Girl = S-Car or UC cos he got sick of it, if or when Amazi-Girl = Lucy ever becomes tiresome, he will stop that too.

        9. Plasma Mongoose

          Willis can invoke SORAS* if he wants to, it’s his comic after all.

          *(Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome)

        10. Yotomoe

          You can SORAS if you want to, you can leave your friends behind, because your friends don’t SORAS and if they don’t SORAS then they’re no friends of mine.

        11. Roborat

          That was brilliant.

        12. saltchocolate

          It’s his comic, he can SORAS if he wants to, SORAS if he wants to, SORAS if he wants to. You’d SORAS too, if the artist was you!

          (Couldn’t resist. I’m really sorry.)

        13. Plasma Mongoose

          If only I could LIKE all of these replies, I would.

        14. The Candyman

          I wouldn’t be surprised if he turned that down. He’s the only guy who would.

      2. SUGauthor

        One thing I’m curious about is would Amber actually be ok with Danny pretending some one else was his girlfriend if it was actually someone else? I don’t think she would be.

        1. GoSpeedRumpist

          I thought we established that she would be okay with such things because of her low self esteem… Does it seem a little dark in here?

        2. gangler

          Amber’s Self-Esteem seems perfectly fine in DoA.

        3. That Damn Rat

          Yeah, DoA Amber is much less of a trainwreck than Shortpacked Amber was, at least at the earlier, stages. She’s angrier, but not as downtrodden.

        4. Random832

          Obviously this needs to be a storyline – having been assured that Amazi-Girl is okay with him participating in such shenanigans, he has no objection when someone else needs a fake boyfriend.

  6. Regalli

    So. Do we think Danny’s parents are convinced? Place your bets folks.

    1. Regalli

      Also, HUZZAH! Galasso.

      So how are their subs, anyway?

      1. Doctor_Who

        Not as capitalized as their pizzas, though they do come with parenthesis.

        1. AgentKeen

          Aw, man, I have a parenthesis allergy. Can you get it on parenthesis-free bread?

    2. HK-A6A7

      Randal will buy it… But Sharon won’t.

      1. xain

        my guess they’ll see how awkward around his supposed girlfriend and come to the conclution that he’s in the closet and Amber is his beard

        1. Regalli

          And then, for maximum messed-up-parent-clusterfuck, try and set him up with Ethan at the end of the day.

        2. Z3tto

          While that would be an awesome ship, I’m still rooting for Ethan/Joshua.

        3. Wack'd

          Well, thanks, now I’m gonna be disappointed when that doesn’t happen!

        4. Fen_Star

          Ethan dresses up as amazi-girl, then removes the mask. Shipment success.
          Or, Mike dresses up Dorothy as amazing girl, and gets her to remove the mask in front of Danny.

        5. begbert2

          That…would be awesome. Danny’s head would explode, and then Amber would cave her forehead in with face-slappings.

        6. vsophi

          “Gee, Dorothy sure is committed, dying her hair every time she dons the cape.”

    3. Aizat

      I’m guessing…NO! Damn it, Danny…I have much hope for you.

      1. Yotomoe

        That was your first mistake.

        1. Aizat

          But that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on him just yet.

        2. Yotomoe

          That was your second mistake.

        3. rachel

          WHAT WILL BE THE THIIIIIIRD

        4. NightmareWarden

          Lesbian babies? Letting the toaster and waffle iron breed?

          …Cactus hats on National Headbutt Day?

        5. Norj

          Lesbian babies are never a mistake.

        6. L.K. Croctuta

          Like that could happen! Toasters and waffle irons are natural enemies, competing for breakfast resources.

  7. Aizat

    Apparently Galasso is ageless.

    1. Bilfred

      Indeed. How else would the world’s overlord be?

  8. Pyr05

    Smooth Danny. Smooth. Now kiss her. Find out what you’ve been missing holding out for Amazi-girl.

    1. Yotomoe

      “Amber you taste just like my girlfriend”
      (which is on the top ten list of things you don’t want someone to say after kissing you)

      1. Pyr05

        (true, however.. this rebuttal.)
        “I know, I was just kissing her”

        1. Yotomoe

          “I can’t tell if that’s awful or AWESOME”

        2. Ocbrad1

          I’m gonna go with “awesome!”

        3. saltchocolate

          +1

  9. Bloody_Jerk

    Looks like some subtle scream for help…
    I don’t think his parents would help him, even if that would mean, Danny would become a man tonight… regardless if he wants to…

    1. Yotomoe

      BE A MAN
      you must have a superhero girlfriend
      BE A MAN
      with all the naivete of a 4 year old
      BE A MAN
      as observant as piece of toast
      MYSTERIOUS THAT HE EVEN HAS A GIRLFRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND!!!

      1. Regalli

        … That is much better than anything else I could think of as a comment.

      2. AJBulldis

        If DOA had SP’s comment system I would upvote you, sir.

      3. rachel

        I’m never gonna catch Amazi-Girl!
        Say goodbye to those her knew her!
        I really wish that I knew where she weeeeeent!

        1. Yotomoe

          Amber’s dad’s got her scared to death
          Amber: Hope he doesn’t see right through me
          Right now I wish I knew how to lie!

  10. ironbillie

    Eat at Galasso’s Pizza (and Subs). Come for the food, stay for the bad acting!

    1. Aizat

      Or come to KNEEL!

      1. Yotomoe

        ZOD AIN’T GOT NUTHIN’ ON THIS KNEELING.

      2. Wack'd

        Oh, god, he’s foreign…

        Hi, Neil!

  11. Keroshino

    We Now Return to our Regularly Scheduled Programming!

  12. OkamiKing

    I love this only to see Galasso be Galasso. We need a story arc with Galasso and Mike.

    A Conqueror and an Ass. What the two can do…

    1. Jen Aside

      We need the next LAWsome =D =D =D

    2. Yotomoe

      How about a story about Joe, and see how he conquers asses.

      1. OkamiKing

        Joe’s an ass man?

        1. Yotomoe

          Everyone’s an ass man. They’re just not willing to admit it.

        2. Aizat

          Yeah, Joe’s an ass man.

        3. Yotomoe

          Joe’s an ass, man.

        4. Aizat

          Well, I was going to do “I’m an Assman” song but…

        5. Pyr05

          Oh, you didn’t know? You betta calllll sommmmeboooooddddddaaaayyy!

      2. Sammie1053

        My brain tried to make a pun and all it came up with was “more like Gal-asses”.
        I think i inadvertently just created the world’s worst shipping.

  13. Kernanator

    Good, they don’t suspect a thing! Probably!

    1. Wack'd

      Hell, if they’re half as dense as Danny…

      1. NightmareWarden

        Half? So Danny must be some space-age alloy of his parents?
        “Buy Dannium, the greatest metal ever endorsed by Dumbing of Age! Far higher quality than Questionable Content’s “Deathmole” metal.”

        1. Pyr05

          Harsh man. Just.. Harsh

        2. Roborat

          Need to get rid of a pesky black hole? Just get some Dannium and presto, black hole problems are gone.

  14. Wonder Wig

    Actual girlfriend? You mean wife, right Willis? Or… maybe it was from Danny’s pers-…

  15. Pyr05

    For an extra fee, Galasso will install your meal-disc for you. Admittedly, it is easier to install on “females” as they are referred to.

  16. Dragonwheel

    All hail Galasso!!!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Bask in his Galassic magnificence!

      1. vsophi

        ‘Galassic’ is a great word.

    2. Aizat

      SIEG GALASSO!

  17. Mkvenner

    He still hasn’t realized has he?

    1. Ragnal

      DOA is going to end with the last panel being Danny’s face, finally realizing “OH MY GOD YOU’RE AMAZI-GIRL?!”

      I’m calling it now. Danny will never realize until his mind isn’t on her.

      1. AJBulldis

        This’ll be a few years after his wedding to Amazi-girl, wherein he keeps wondering why she insists that Amber live with them and keep her stuff in Amazi-girl’s dresser.

      2. Roborat

        Danny will be on his deathbed, about 90 years old. And at the last minute, just before he slips away, there will be sudden stunned look on his face, and he will faintly whisper: “Amazi-Girl, you were Amber!” with his last breath.

        1. The Candyman

          And Mike, who has gained eternal youth by drinking the blood of orphans, will be the one to tell him.

        2. saltchocolate

          If Mike were to gain eternal youth, it would be via an activity involving your mom and many, *many* nickels.

        3. Kirby

          No, no. He and his friend Frank from the 2gagaverse have discovered the secret to eternal youth. Frank uses it for science. Mike uses it to make people be better people by being an ass.

  18. Charles Phipps

    Danny is horrified at this due to the fact it’s cheating on his real girlfriend in a very serious way. I look forward when he breaks down and explains to her that Amber means nothing to him and if she wants, he’ll end his friendship with her.

    1. Yotomoe

      And then Amazi-girl will defeat her most current villain that just popped up in front of her.
      THE TERRIBLE X

      1. Pyr05

        X THE ELIMINATORRRRRRRRR -keeps rolling the R-

    2. Spiny Creature

      Ooh, that could happen. I want that to happen. How are we thinking she slaps him? Hard?

      1. Leonou

        Why slap when you can kick ? or strangle ? or StrangleKick ?

  19. Giant Speck

    I used to think that Danny secretly knew Amber’s secret, but the past few weeks have completely shattered any hopes I had for Danny being the least bit clever.

    1. Yotomoe

      He’s negative clever.

      1. xKiv

        Not many could accomplish that intentionally.

    2. spaceinvader42

      Yeah, you really have to feel bad for Amber, dating such an oblivious idiot. At this point, she could probably come out and tell him that she was Amazi-Girl, and he wouldn’t believe her.

      1. Pyr05

        “Danny, I have a confession. You’re in love with the bad side of me. The side of me that… frightens me and reminds me of my father. That’s why I hide behind a mask.” -puts on mask-

        “I don’t know what you’re talking about Amber. I love Amazi-Girl. You would do an excellent cosplay of her by the way.”

        1. vsophi

          Oh no, he’d evolve into a DoA commenter!

    3. Cholma

      Not clever? To be fair, Danny is neither a velociraptor nor a girl.

  20. Juliecat

    Your girlfriend nuzzles like that? DOES MAGGIE KNOW ABOUT HER???

  21. Z3tto

    So was Galasso “normal” at some point? Because I’m imagining a tragic backstory where he just kinda snapped one day and started acting like a cartoon supervillain as a coping mechanism.

    1. Yotomoe

      His parents were saturday morning villains and raised him to be even more saturday morning and more villain than them.

      1. Pyr05

        His parents are Boris and Natasha.

        1. Kiggy

          Yes.

          Simply, yes.

        2. Ocbrad1

          And his first super Saturday act of villainy was to murder the squirrel.

        3. The Candyman

          He’s still hunting down the Moose.

    2. Wack'd

      He’s got a tragic backstory in Shortpacked!–one that doesn’t square with DoA in any conceivable way–but he seemed to be deranged even then.

    3. Roborat

      Batman killed his parents.

  22. Charles Phipps

    I like that Danny is sincere in his denial of her superheroic identity. I do hope we see SOME positive qualities to him, though, soon. No one is a COMPLETE weenie.

    Then again, my approval of Howard increased 1000% with his love of Game of Thrones and acceptance of his sister.

    1. vsophi

      Acceptance? He was pretty insensitive about, as I recall.

      1. Reepicheep-chan

        He was stupid about it, but I suppose anyone who does not have a complete freak out when a family member comes out (or whatever) is still doing pretty well.

        1. vsophi

          That’s… actually kind of sad, huh.

        2. brionl

          Or at least a little depression about “My sister gets more girls than I do”.

  23. Ryune

    Oooh, my daily dose of Galasso has been doubled. Most agreeable.

  24. CanvasWolfDoll

    calling it now: danny knows exactly who amazigirl is, but is playing the ‘ignorant love interest’ role to enhance the experience. this will, of course, end with the classic ‘i’m a superhero’ “i already know” exchange.

    1. Kernanator

      This is what I’ve been saying practically the whole time!

      1. Wack'd

        This is what I’ve been agreeing with Kernanator about practically the whole time!

    2. Atlas

      I just feel he’s being a bit too rude about it for that, though I do wish for that outcome.

      1. Random832

        Well, since he’s not actually ignorant, he’s just trying too hard to fake it.

  25. Sporky

    Is Willis saying that Amber ISN’T his actual girlfriend?

    Oh wait, that’s Asuka Langley Soryu, what am I thinking.

  26. MarcinMN

    Best in the state, eh? That’s quite a claim. I couldn’t tell you who has the best pizza in Minnesota….

    1. Wack'd

      I used to be able to tell you had the best pizza in New York, but they closed. 🙁

  27. nothri

    Yeeeaaaaah. Why hasn’t Amber “come out” to Danny yet? This last thing this comic needs is gender-swapped Spider-manesque “caught in a love triangle with your alter-ego” shenanigans. I’ve read spider-man comics. I know how that shit eventually shakes out.

    I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want Mephisto to retcon any marriages out of reality.

    1. Wack'd

      I thought Willis said the supernatural doesn’t exist in this comic?

      1. Yotomoe

        Does that mean that the TV show Supernatural also doesn’t air in the dumbiverse? As well as any songs called Supernatural?

        1. Wack'd

          I certainly hope so. No one should have to watch that shit.

          [DISCLAIMER: Has not actually watched Supernatural]

      2. nothri

        Well, then the cheese retcons it instead. Whatever.

        1. Wack'd

          The Cheese, as a robot that can collect life signatures from dead folks and can basically make time and space its bongo, falls pretty squarely into “supernatural”.

        2. vsophi

          Hold up, does this mean that Joe is no longer a brilliant engineer?

        3. nothri

          Nonsense. The cheese is powered by SCIENCE! Supernatural is magic and shit.

  28. Comrade

    dat galasso

  29. Fay

    Danny, don’t screw this up. Even though we all know you will.

    Also, the invisible text said “girlfiend”, not girlfriend. Fiend, not friend.

    1. Wack'd

      “So, Danny wants a girlfriend? I think I will make him a girlfriend. A fiendish girlfriend! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

      1. Fay

        It got fixed.

        1. Wack'd

          Shut up! Do you know how often I get a legit excuse to reference Making Fiends?

  30. rachel

    What a kind distraction from awfulness this is for Amber. Danny, your dumbery is actually helping, here!

  31. HAB

    Ignorance is old

  32. Thor

    I was looking through the Tumblr and I saw the reposts of Disney characters in their other gender counterpart’s costumes. Then I saw the new character designs for the DoA folks, including Sal.

    Now I hoping to see a portrait of Sal and Justin wearing each other’s clothing. Justin with the ripped leggings! Sal rocking the bow tie! How could this not be?

    1. vsophi

      Wait, do you mean Jason?

      1. vsophi

        Also, I agree, that would be amazing.

  33. Kaci

    I am…. torn!

    On the one hand, the last panel is so good, so funny! The awkward smile, mixed with that line… so good! Like jelly on toast in the morning.

    But on the other hand, the first panel… It’s delicious mix of comedy and anger, the over-seasoning of the hamminess of Galasso, it is superb! Funnier than anything I have seen yet! It overshadows the rest of the comic, yet… I do not mind at all!

    But, there lingering, there is the thought, nay, the recollection, that I myself in my younger days was so much like this man… He is my role model!

  34. Anderhail

    So, one of the reasons I slid into the comments is to avoid commenting on a conversation that is 2 – 3 years old, as I keep being tempted to do in the archives. That being said, O now wonder what the chances are of some of the cast’s parents knowing each other from other points in time. Though I’ll admit that Richard and Stacy have a whole different set of knowledge now, especially as I don’t know what room they’re hiding in. I do feel sorry for Ethan’s bed ahead of time though.

    1. vsophi

      They’re probably in Joe and Danny’s room. Danny’s obviously out with his parents, and Joe probably realizes he should make himself scarce around his father.

  35. Alexander Krizak

    A double dose of Galasso. And the best part is that, due to Dumbing’s buffer, Willis didn’t even plan for it to happen. (And if he did, well, he may be a craftier chessmaster than I thought.)

  36. Andy

    Hey, Danny? Amber’s totally into you AND is available at normal times. Plus, you’ll never have to worry about the “I’m sorry, but it’s become too dangerous” breakup line. Well, probly not, at least.

    1. vsophi

      Amber deserves better.

  37. Max

    Best pizza in the state my ass. Clearly Amber has never been to Mad Mushroom Pizza at Purdue.

    1. David Willis

      Empirically, Galasso’s is actually one of the top best pizza places in the nation. Top nine, according to People Magazine! Mad Mushroom can suck it!

    2. The Candyman

      I’m pretty sure people from Bloomington are by law required to not notice anything that comes out of Purdue. It’s a New York/New Jersey kind of thing.

  38. Keroshino

    Danny: maybe if I smile awkwardly enough…nobody will suspect a thing!

  39. Joel

    Can the next comic be the apocalypse PLEASE that would be such a relief

  40. Jack Finch

    Danny leave the sentences to Amber. You stick with the one word monosyllables.

  41. Dr.Midnight

    I am disappointed by a lack of parenthetical reference to “(and subs)” in this comic!

    1. xKiv

      The closest we get is an implied parental reference (“it’s the same”).

      1. Dr.Midnight

        Ha!

  42. Carlos

    Well Daniel, you seem to be f-ing this up quite awfully. Now is the time to use some surprise unconventional karate move you conveniently JUST figured out to solve all your problems….. that seems to work for another Daniel I know of….

  43. someguywithakatana

    Oh, so Randall’s a dick to his entire family, not just his son. Good to know.

    1. Bill

      He has six words in this comic, expressing his opinion that the place has not changed, and that makes him a dick?

      1. DSL

        Dismissive and controlling. That’s at least gateway dickery.

    2. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

      Glad I’m not the only one those dickhead trigger (not the fun kind) got set off by that. Unnecessary, dismissive and condescending.

  44. Ashley

    Danny you’re an embarrassment to yourself. And others.

  45. caesaria82

    I read ‘metal disks’ in the first panel at first and was so confused lol. Not that ‘meal disks’ is something a person says, either, but then the rules of what a real person says don’t really apply to this guy, I feel.

  46. libraria

    Where’s the booth/wall graffiti?

  47. Oxyvolt

    I don’t feel anger or anything towards Danny… He seems like a really nice guy, just really, really dumb and oblivious. Again, I have a lot of really, really dumb and oblivious friends, so maybe I’m just used to it.

  48. Intie

    I want Danny to die a slow and painful death

    1. Kintrex

      That seems rather harsh.

    2. Carlos

      Agreed just a bit. I mean my best friend is basically a Danny so I feel I should defend him just a little

      1. DEG1377

        Every new comic makes me hate Danny more… Granted, I’m pretty sure I have friends like him, too, but that’s fine. I don’t read comics about my friends.

        1. Intie

          I have no autistic friends, thus I have no sympathy for him.

  49. sadsack

    Whoa–that first frame had me suffering from comic strip whiplash!

  50. saltchocolate

    This is off-topic re: the strip, but I have to say how much I love Sarah in her above-the-knee socks in the new poster Willis is featuring! (Given my grav, I almost feel like I should add “If I do say so myself!”)

    1. DSL

      The outfit got my attention because it seemed out of character for Sarah — seems to me her “style” is to draw as little attention to herself in public as possible, while thinking of herself as the “grownup” of the group, inasmuch as she admits to being part of the group.

      1. The Candyman

        Me too, actually. I always pictured her as preferring plain outfits over anything else. Maybe she’s being encouraged to switch things up by Joyce?

        1. saltchocolate

          Maybe! Maybe we’re getting some foreshadowing of a new look for Sarah that will make sense by time we get to it . . .

        2. Intie

          That outfit looks absolutely horrendeous and tasteless, and I think it’s supposed to symbolize how little of a fuck Sarah gives about fashion and how she looks in general.

        3. DSL

          Horrendous? Aside from the socks o’power, it’s seems pretty conventional for anyone who is not Sarah.

        4. DSL

          *it

  51. bunivasal

    INSERT SEETHING HATRED FOR DANNY

    *parts hair, revealing giant fanged maw in place of skullcap*

  52. Jack Finch

    I can’t gin up seething hatred for any of these characters. I root for all of them. They all fail so hard in so many ways.

  53. Variaman

    I always imaging Galasso with Lemongrab’s voice.

    1. Aizat

      For those who think they could scam Galasso, ONE MILLION YEARS DUNGEON!

    2. Z3tto

      I can see that, but I always pictured him sounding more like The Ultimate Warrior.

  54. Katie

    The scroll-over text made me smile at my work desk. It’s like a Shakespearean comedy where they guy just can’t understand why this other guy seems so familiar and is also so pretty and kind of hugs the same as the girl he likes.

  55. Maycroft

    i’d go to that pizza place just to get served by glasso.

  56. oooooooooott

    I actually know what pizza place this is. If I see that damn fish…

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