117

Three
Posted on January 27, 2011 by David M Willis

117 thoughts on “Three”

  1. David Herbert

    I wonder what his rates are? Probably higher than your mom’s.

  2. MercyDispensorMan

    He’ll guard your mom for a nickel.

    1. BrooksCracktackle

      And then bang her.

      1. BrooksCracktackle

        Or was it the other way around?

        1. G.S. Mercs

          It’s actually he’ll bang you and your mom at the same time, then guard your mom from you for a nickel. It’s a very complicated formula.

        2. Bickendan

          Either way, he’s overpaying.

      2. Maycroft

        …with his penis.

        1. MochaSpade

          I always thought that you were johnny bravo as a kid

  3. addude

    Oh Joe you have no idea what you got yourself into

  4. JediAutobot

    hahaha
    Man, that must have been a fun conversation, I hope Amber and Ethan were around for it.

  5. wnderjif

    shoe chose a good chaparone. but i wonder how much he charges.. a mom, 2 moms?

  6. The Blot

    Finally, more screen time for Mike!

    It’s like my momma always said, “The more Mike the better.”

    1. Gianni

      With his penis.

  7. .

    HAHA! HA! OH, WOW!

  8. TheSoundDefense

    Um.

  9. Beachfox

    I laughed out loud. A long hearty throat laugh, rich with knowing amusement.

    1. Kelsey

      That’s the best kind of laugh.

  10. Lone Wolf

    … Clever girl… seems Sarah’s worries were unfounded after all.

    1. arjay2813

      lol, after being with dina (in Its Walky), and seeing that i cant help but laugh

  11. Kar

    Looks like Joe is going to get his threesome after all!

    1. Rognik

      That’s not the kind of threesome he wanted. At all…

      1. David Herbert

        But you know there are readers out there who would love it all the same.

      2. benenator

        I believe that it would count as NoYay for him.

        And the required TVTrope link: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NoYay

  12. JK9000

    Welp. That sure killed any happy feelings inspired by the dress.

    1. Soundbucket

      With his penis

  13. Iasthai

    HAHA! That is *PERFECT*!

  14. captainswift

    Best use of a Mike.

  15. arjay2813

    anyone else imagining Joe being the next one to yell “damn you Willis!”

    1. wnderjif

      right after Sidney Yus, by the way, has she made a sighting yet?

  16. Mack

    Great into for Mike

  17. Alice Macher

    Fortunately for Joe, the chaperone is Mike and not Ruth, who in this universe is much more of a person you don’t want to cross, like EVER. 0_0

    1. Joebo

      I don’t know, this could be a real chance for Mike to be himself. That is to say what the fandom has decreed that he should be.

    2. Schornforce

      Hm… now that got me wondering– who would win in a fight between Mike and Ruth…. other than the readers, that is…

      1. Soundbucket

        MIKE & RUTH SHIPPING ACTIVATE NAO

        1. The E-man

          YES YES YES YES YES
          SQUEEEEE!

  18. Jack

    Bwhahahaha! Take that Joe!

  19. wynne

    It seems that Sarah should have been more concerned about Joyce breaking Joe rather than the other way around.

  20. NF

    Mike!!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Shift

    Is the Chaperon there to keep Joe under control or to keep Joyce under control?

    1. Malph

      Yes.

  22. Andy

    Vat a tveest!

  23. Gianni

    Perfect! It caught me off guard just like a good twist should!

    1. Kernanator

      With his penis.

  24. Bill M.

    That’s on the business card.

    Mike Warner – Professional Chaperone

    Keep your hands off the goods and I keep my hands off your throat.

  25. Alechsa

    Holy crap! I want to see the meeting where Joyce hired him….

  26. MM

    *slow clap* Well played.

  27. Ryune

    I absolutely didn’t see that coming. Hilarious use of a Mike.

    1. Bickendan

      This.

  28. Dierna

    Good call Joyce!!

  29. Zaffino

    Yes….just so much yes

  30. Cinder

    Excellent move, Joyce! Lol. Aw, Mike. <3

  31. ScytheAkse

    i never thought i would feel sorry for joe…

  32. numaron

    Mike just sucker punched Joe’s mojo.

    1. George

      That’s probably his payment. Or at least the beginning of his payment.

    2. Kernanator

      He did it with his penis.

  33. Guitar Dude From SD

    Mike is a genius, by providing a good night for Joyce, he totally ruins Joe’s night. That guy has the ability to be a jerk and nice at the same time, good show Mike

    1. Chiatroll

      It would be most jerk if he really provided a good night for joyce if you know what I mean.

      then pretended to forget it or something. They can both have ruined nights.

      I’d be for that.

  34. Jon

    I haven’t laughed so hard at a Willis strip since Batman mastered DDR.

    1. wnderjif

      i thought that was a replacement Batman ???

      1. Jon

        http://www.shortpacked.com/2005/comic/book-1-brings-back-the-80s/06-mrs-greg-killmaster/a-63/

  35. TemplarKnight

    You know, this universe’s Mike does seem like a nicer guy than the walkyverse version. Past one “your mom” joke on his notes, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of jerkiness to him.

    1. sun tzu

      It’s not just Mike – several of the characters seem to be less extreme versions of their “classic” selves. Joyce in particular comes to mind.

  36. DiDi

    BAM!! Who called it??

    Mike ain’t gettin’ none of that! Not if Mr Chaperone has anything to say about it.

    I wonder who he is to Joyce in this alternate continuity…?

    1. JackNapier

      But what about Joe? Will he be getting any?

  37. Sven8705

    Is this a “Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place” reference?

    1. Bill M.

      I miss that show. Of course I liked it more before they dropped the Pizza Place from the title and it just became “Two Guys and a Girl.”

      1. XRL

        That sounds like a spin off to 2 girls 1 cup D:

  38. Lokitsu

    Never saw this coming.
    Give up now Joe and just buy her a ring.

  39. Escadia

    I was going to make a comment about how there isn’t anything Mike wouldn’t do for money, but then I realized… He gets to spend the entire night “blocking” Joe. He’s probably doing this for free.

  40. dchorror

    It’s hard to tell cause Joe’s not standing up straight, but Mike’s kind of a scrawny guy compared to Joe. If a fight actually broke out, I’d bet on nonpowered Joe over nonpowered Mike.

    Not that Joe’s gonna fight Mike.(Waits for meme to activate)

    1. Malph

      I don’t know. Mike may be a bit scrawny, but he’s still a pretty tough bastard. I have to go with Mike taking Joe down.

      1. drivethruwhale

        And I’m guessing Joe doesn’t have a whole lot of fighting know-how. Mike not either, but he’s more likely to than Joe.

    2. wnderjif

      i’ll er uhm, “bite”

      With his penis.

      1. dchorror

        I was not actually expecting someone to take that.

        1. JD

          But someone should write fanfic about it.

      2. JD

        You’re not supposed to bite that!

    3. Gianni

      Mike would fight dirty, which I don’t see Joe effectively countering.

    4. Bookreader

      CAN THERE BE A JOE-MIKE PUDDING FIGHT SHOWDOWN?

    5. scythe

      i say joe wins when you hit on that many women sooner or later you find a jealous boyfriend who wants to pound on you, if you don’t stop after that your either a moron or you won the fight

  41. DiDi

    Bah! I lost out on the chance to correct my comment! *pouts*

    I meant Joe…

    Still! Everything else was fine!

  42. Noones

    Joyce. Freaking. Wins.

  43. OhNoUDiNt

    All the hoopla about what would win out on this date. Joyce’s cuteness, her naievte, her religion, Joe’s penis. In the end it is as it was and always will be. Finish them! Mike. Wins. Hillarity!

  44. Rognik

    The chaperone part did not surprise me. That the chaperone is Mike does. How did she even meet him? I doubt she would’ve found him between that morning and this night.

    1. Zakrael

      Well, they did have a class together at one point. And they seem to have known each other on twitter before that, so presumably they met earlier.

      As for why she decided to hire him as a chaperone, your guess is as good as mine. Maybe, for all her naivety, she’s just a fantastic judge of character? =D

  45. ADHadh

    “Keep your hands off the goods and I keep my hands off your mother.”

  46. katie01

    This is perfect. I can’t wait to see how it plays out.

  47. Shashulfrashul

    I could see this being Mike’s idea just as much as Joyce’s. Think about it, he would be conning Joyce out a some payment, he would get to block Joe, and he would have the possibility of doing something devious during the date. It could be… the perfect storm.

  48. Kamino Neko

    Joyce 2, Joe nil.

    We’re heading for a shut-out, here, folks.

  49. ashleyw

    this will probably be the best thing ever.

  50. katamanda

    Most epic cockblock ever

  51. katamanda

    Most epic cockblock ever.

    1. katamanda

      whoops double comment

    2. Kamino Neko

      Most epic double post ever. >_>

  52. ziggy78eog

    Mike would make the best chaperon; the ultimate cock-block.

    1. Gianni

      With his penis

  53. Ribos

    I am afraid that Joyce is secretly a manipulative, scheming individual, bent on finding a trophy husband to support her throughout life. This has all been intentional: picking Joe, who at that point had demonstrated only the shallowest interest in women, and then sucker-punching him with the questionnaire. He then had to follow through with a date because HE IS JOE, whereupon he was disarmed by the dress. But to dash any hopes of his that he was still in control of the situation, Joyce brought along Mike.

    Joyce has her marital dreams, but she appears less naive than we thought at first. This relationship will move along at the pace she has planned, and Joe will be helpless to do anything but follow along. Go Evil Joyce!

    1. Tahiri

      Win!

  54. kater

    This is the best thing that could have possibly happened ever.

  55. Matt of Steel

    Joyce is Bizarro Joe.

  56. Lobster

    Awesome choice for a chaperone!

  57. Jabberwocky

    This reminds me of back when Garfield was still funny, and he’d tag along on Jon’s dates to make sure he’d never score.

    Just in case I’m not being clear enough:

    Mike = Garfield

    Joe = Jon

  58. Loki

    “Good, ’cause the plans were for the two of us and a pizza joint… with my penis.”

    Now that that’s out of the way, I have to agree that Mike as chaperone is epic.

    It’s interesting to watch Joe’s confidence crumble between Joyce’s dress and then.. bam, double-curveball: chaperone.

  59. gangler

    WTF! Where’d the belle bottoms go?

    1. bionelly

      There weren’t actually any bell bottoms, it just kind of looked like it because of the way the dress draped over her legs.

      1. gangler

        Ah, didn’t spot that. I liked the bell bottoms more. Dress is nice too though.

  60. Roborat

    Nice one. So Mike will be all up in Joe’s FAAAAACCCE. And Joe doesn’t get any action . . .
    with his penis.

    1. Gianni

      Winning comment right there.

  61. ArchSchnitz

    Joyce is now my favorite after Mike.

  62. Dahlia

    Cute!

  63. Kernanator

    I’m thinking a “How Joyce got Mike to agree to this” side-story would be wonderful.

    1. SonicBlueRanger

      He’s up for causing people pain…the end.

  64. Hacchin

    Fuck yeah Mike. Now I’m feeling comfortable about where the story is going 🙂

  65. Kelsey

    Man, he seems like an excellent chaperone! What’s his number? I’d like him to babysit my fictional children.

  66. Hinoron

    Oh, chaperoned dating! How very Muslim.
    ^_^

  67. Viredae

    I just noticed… Yellow stripe.

    I know it means nothing, but hey.

  68. Tealjoy

    MIKE

  69. BoredatWork

    Everytime I see Mike speak, I like him more and more.

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