If you’re going to be depressed, at least have the decency to be upset about it!
Seriously though, ever see the Depression comics on Hyperbole and a Half? There’s a bit where the main character tells a friend she might be suicidal, and she says so perfectly matter-of-factly and her friend is the one who is in tears and needs emotional support. Last panel reminds me of that.
right? experience it and you’ll know. You have this cold detached humor about it. Like, “wow, I can’t believe this, I actually wanna kill myself. That’s hilarious. When did it get this bad?” Depression sucks bro.
TJ Baltimore
The first time I told anyone I was suicidal–after feeling that way off and on for more than twenty years–I was so nervous that I was shaking violently. I thought she would have me committed on the spot. But three therapists, two psychiatrists, two boyfriends, an academic advisor, and some close friends later, it’s easier to come out as having severe clinical depression and wanting to kill myself. It’s just like coming out as gay becomes easier. Doesn’t change the suicidal feelings (or the gayness), but it makes it easier to admit and talk about. And if someone responds with, “OMG, I had no idea you were going through this!,” my feelings are, “Meh, that’s my life” and it sounds not serious at all . . .
Brother Mojo
I was hanging out with my friends a while back, and someone brought up Robin Williams and that it looked like suicide. Somebody said something like “I don’t know why someone would do that,” and I said “I don’t really know why anyone wouldn’t.” I wasn’t even thinking it was a big deal, it just seemed like the right thing to say.
That’s the thing about depression… everything sucks, but you just don’t have the energy to actually take it seriously.
TheSuicidalGiraffe
You know because of the name that I use I often get people’s combined sympathy and fear, but the truth is I use it because of this very fact, Its not about the fact that suicide is some kind of joke or that I even want to do it, its because at the end of the day there’s this simplistic feeling of acceptance and peace too it. I’d never advocate anyone to take a life especially their own nor do I believe I ever would, but that feeling is still there its the fact that the world isn’t fair and life just happens and eventually your both drained and tired but somehow actually fine with it. I’ve been there and I know that i won’t ever come back but I can at least carry the name and let people know its not about the life your letting go of its about accepting the one your coming from. Also the Giraffe is because Giraffes are awesome.
the BEST part about depression: when those who love you so much tell you how much of a jerk you are for not being depressed in the “right way”……………….
Someone
They mean well. Everyone interprets what it means in their own way, and they try to help whichever way they go. It’s a brutal thing to go through, on the inside and to watch someone go through it, especially when the only one who can really do a thing about it, is the one suffrering too much to fight it.
Ah, yes, the good ol’ “I wanna die, but don’t want to actively do anything about it” form of depression. “I wanna go to sleep and not wake up” Is how I think I once put it.
Which is very much not to be confused with “I wanna go to sleep and not wake up for a week” which is a stage of insomnia. Or a sign you’ve eaten too much at thanksgiving.
She wasnt, its just that sometimes those people you care about feel like you aren’t taking your feelings seriously or something. They dont always understand that keeping a distant perspective of your own emotions can sometimes be the one thing that keeps you alive
Because she’s still being emotionally manipulative about it? Ruth has set up a hostage situation where she is both hostage-taker and victim. How is Billie not supposed to feel super guilt-tripped when this was all triggered by booze on her breath and Ruth lists loneliness as a reason for her suicide? It feels as wrong as when Ruth forced a kiss on Billie, because it all smacks of “you haven’t behaved in the way I wanted you to, so I going to kill myself, slowly,” with a little bit of, “why won’t you save me?!?!?” on the side.
Bionic_Doctor
I could not have described the situation better.
Killjoy
Depression sucks.
That said, Ruth is just being DoA Ruth here, still looking for social dominance even in this sort of moment. In other words, a bully.
JQuire
I thought I was the only one who saw it that way. I’m so glad not to be alone on that…
Gigafreak
Who would Ruth be holding herself hostage from if she hadn’t met Billie? Because I’d guess this is exactly how she already felt before the two ever met. Billie was Ruth’s “last hope.” Which means before Billie, there was no hope, just as she doesn’t have any now.
Ruth still cares about Billie deep down– after all, Ruth is maintaining her facade for Billie’s sake and not her own. She wasn’t going to tell Billie any of this stuff (thereby averting any “hostage situation” to begin with), but she can’t exactly withhold her dismal state of mind right now while being directly confronted. She didn’t want any attention to this in the first place– this confrontation was triggered by only two words slipping out– yet somehow it’s her fault for being a guilt-tripper via telling the plain truth when her privacy is invaded, she is cornered, and the plain truth is being forced out of her?
TheCerpent
I have to agree with Gigafreak here. People who use suicide threats as a form of emotional manipulation generally don’t hesitate to use it. It’s a card they’ll play early to get the results they are trying for. She was trying to distance herself from Billie so as not to impact anyone once she decided to end her life; telling Billie about these intentions basically ruins that plan. If Ruth’s plan was to try and bind Billie closer to her, she would’ve said something like this FAR before now.
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
You do realize that Billie was the one who backed Ruth into a corner and forced the truth out of her, right?
It’s basically a defense mechanism. Things get a lot easier to deal with once you DECIDE you can eventually have a final escape. It’s really only the initial “oh my god I seriously want to die” stages that are emotional.
yup.
the times I’ve thought about it, it’s been very much an attempt to find some part of my life to feel I have control over, even if only whether to end it.
And then, of course, I think of all the reasons why it’s not really an option – loved ones, etc. – and, if anything, that’s even more depressing. “Great. I don’t even have that choice, that sliver of power.”
Mr. Random
That depends on how you define power, as a concept. Most people think of it as only being able to change something, but I think it might also be the ability to resist it as well. Imagine Niagra Falls. Imagine just how much it changes it’s own surroundings. Now consider us, and how much effort, how many years of technology that we needed to even be able to affect it, even a bit.
Everything’s an option. The fact that we can stop it, to choose to say that things won’t change like that, for us or anyone else, is power in itself.
Shit, it just occurred to me that with the slow progression of time in this comic, A) Ruth will probably never get around to going through with this (which is good), but B) by the same token, we may be watching her slip agonizingly into despair (let’s call this process Winkerbeaning) for a good long while before she gets help or it takes effect.
I have no idea what Wankershim is, but I know what Winkerbean is and I am guessing Winkerbean is worse.
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
it’s a reference to Bravest Warriors. Go watch it, NOW.
Wankershim is an AI elf that was made real somehow and then expanded to the point where the Universe is now inside him. As he was a fundamentally happy little elf, the Universe actually became much better off for it. But imagine if Willis expanded throughout the universe, his very essence becoming instilled in everything…
in short, Drama Tag Pulled.
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
goddammit why can’t I whip out these far-fetched analyses when I’m writing essays
Jen Aside
because essays matter
brains only start working on time-wasting internet discussions
The other problem is, by that logic, Ruth can also never truly get better. There simply isn’t the time for her to do so. To recover from these thoughts requires time and therapy, and Ruth doesn’t have the former. And the terrible thing is how accurate this depiction is; meaning that since the treatment of this situation is depicted so truthfully, Mr. Willis is well aware of what is required to treat it and won’t simply write a magical cure/treatment as a way of helping Ruth. So Ruth is going to be stuck with these thoughts for a very, very long time.
I’m pretty sure Willis said that the comic’s pace would not necessarily be even, meaning that some jumps forward in time could be possible?
SUGauthor
Well look at how much time has actually passed in comic vs the number of events that have happened. So many characters have gone from not even knowing each other to having extremely strong relationships over the course of less than two months, including Ruth and Billie. And it’s not just relationships, pretty much every major character has gone through some sort of significant change and many have had several life changing events happen to them. Realistically so much stuff wouldn’t happen in so little time, but because the story is ongoing and the characters cannot graduate for the comic to function properly, time has to be slowed down, and this means that events have to occur faster then they normally would. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ruth’s recovery ends up being faster then some people think it will be.
Are you a warm body, without a crimal record, with passing grades? That’s about the extent. They are often still undergrads, and often not much older than their charges. Mainly RAs are there to keep the froshes from demolishing the buidling they inhabit.
zmm
Ehh… “passing grades when we hire you in the summer. once school starts if you fail thats fine. We won’t know till your done with your contract”
One of my RAs ended up having to leave school early to go into rehab, because she developed a crippling drug habit while in school.
RAs are not magical, world-experienced beings who can guide college students on the path of right and good while actually doing something about the whiteboard dingdong bandit – they’re college students, just like their peers.
408 thoughts on “Tired”
An Average Loser
Aww, Emotions.
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
How the heck do you keep getting first comment
what is this wizardry I don’t even
lolbot
RSS feed, probably
LockeZ
Stop with the emotions, and get back to the whiteboard dingdong flimflam!
The Cozburger
Dingdong flimflam nubnub
RevenantBacon
Dingdong Flimflam nubnub riffraff
Jen Aside
Ruth: NOT HELPING
Geminia999
Man Ruth, way to be a jerk about saying your going to a depression, what with that smile at the end
Doctor_Who
If you’re going to be depressed, at least have the decency to be upset about it!
Seriously though, ever see the Depression comics on Hyperbole and a Half? There’s a bit where the main character tells a friend she might be suicidal, and she says so perfectly matter-of-factly and her friend is the one who is in tears and needs emotional support. Last panel reminds me of that.
Kerry
that’s basically how it is, yep
Aeyt
right? experience it and you’ll know. You have this cold detached humor about it. Like, “wow, I can’t believe this, I actually wanna kill myself. That’s hilarious. When did it get this bad?” Depression sucks bro.
TJ Baltimore
The first time I told anyone I was suicidal–after feeling that way off and on for more than twenty years–I was so nervous that I was shaking violently. I thought she would have me committed on the spot. But three therapists, two psychiatrists, two boyfriends, an academic advisor, and some close friends later, it’s easier to come out as having severe clinical depression and wanting to kill myself. It’s just like coming out as gay becomes easier. Doesn’t change the suicidal feelings (or the gayness), but it makes it easier to admit and talk about. And if someone responds with, “OMG, I had no idea you were going through this!,” my feelings are, “Meh, that’s my life” and it sounds not serious at all . . .
Brother Mojo
I was hanging out with my friends a while back, and someone brought up Robin Williams and that it looked like suicide. Somebody said something like “I don’t know why someone would do that,” and I said “I don’t really know why anyone wouldn’t.” I wasn’t even thinking it was a big deal, it just seemed like the right thing to say.
That’s the thing about depression… everything sucks, but you just don’t have the energy to actually take it seriously.
TheSuicidalGiraffe
You know because of the name that I use I often get people’s combined sympathy and fear, but the truth is I use it because of this very fact, Its not about the fact that suicide is some kind of joke or that I even want to do it, its because at the end of the day there’s this simplistic feeling of acceptance and peace too it. I’d never advocate anyone to take a life especially their own nor do I believe I ever would, but that feeling is still there its the fact that the world isn’t fair and life just happens and eventually your both drained and tired but somehow actually fine with it. I’ve been there and I know that i won’t ever come back but I can at least carry the name and let people know its not about the life your letting go of its about accepting the one your coming from. Also the Giraffe is because Giraffes are awesome.
gordon blvd
the BEST part about depression: when those who love you so much tell you how much of a jerk you are for not being depressed in the “right way”……………….
Someone
They mean well. Everyone interprets what it means in their own way, and they try to help whichever way they go. It’s a brutal thing to go through, on the inside and to watch someone go through it, especially when the only one who can really do a thing about it, is the one suffrering too much to fight it.
MackDad
this one?
Raye the Magic Lesbian
Ah, yes, the good ol’ “I wanna die, but don’t want to actively do anything about it” form of depression. “I wanna go to sleep and not wake up” Is how I think I once put it.
Which is very much not to be confused with “I wanna go to sleep and not wake up for a week” which is a stage of insomnia. Or a sign you’ve eaten too much at thanksgiving.
J-Debs
How was she being a jerk? She’s just expressing how she feels for once.
Pantheon the Mantheon
She wasnt, its just that sometimes those people you care about feel like you aren’t taking your feelings seriously or something. They dont always understand that keeping a distant perspective of your own emotions can sometimes be the one thing that keeps you alive
Chubsius
Because she’s still being emotionally manipulative about it? Ruth has set up a hostage situation where she is both hostage-taker and victim. How is Billie not supposed to feel super guilt-tripped when this was all triggered by booze on her breath and Ruth lists loneliness as a reason for her suicide? It feels as wrong as when Ruth forced a kiss on Billie, because it all smacks of “you haven’t behaved in the way I wanted you to, so I going to kill myself, slowly,” with a little bit of, “why won’t you save me?!?!?” on the side.
Bionic_Doctor
I could not have described the situation better.
Killjoy
Depression sucks.
That said, Ruth is just being DoA Ruth here, still looking for social dominance even in this sort of moment. In other words, a bully.
JQuire
I thought I was the only one who saw it that way. I’m so glad not to be alone on that…
Gigafreak
Who would Ruth be holding herself hostage from if she hadn’t met Billie? Because I’d guess this is exactly how she already felt before the two ever met. Billie was Ruth’s “last hope.” Which means before Billie, there was no hope, just as she doesn’t have any now.
Ruth still cares about Billie deep down– after all, Ruth is maintaining her facade for Billie’s sake and not her own. She wasn’t going to tell Billie any of this stuff (thereby averting any “hostage situation” to begin with), but she can’t exactly withhold her dismal state of mind right now while being directly confronted. She didn’t want any attention to this in the first place– this confrontation was triggered by only two words slipping out– yet somehow it’s her fault for being a guilt-tripper via telling the plain truth when her privacy is invaded, she is cornered, and the plain truth is being forced out of her?
TheCerpent
I have to agree with Gigafreak here. People who use suicide threats as a form of emotional manipulation generally don’t hesitate to use it. It’s a card they’ll play early to get the results they are trying for. She was trying to distance herself from Billie so as not to impact anyone once she decided to end her life; telling Billie about these intentions basically ruins that plan. If Ruth’s plan was to try and bind Billie closer to her, she would’ve said something like this FAR before now.
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
You do realize that Billie was the one who backed Ruth into a corner and forced the truth out of her, right?
Mik
Omg Ruth NO
Mr. Random
So. Severe Cynically Realistic Depression. The worst kind.
Opus the Poet
I think I have some t-shirts that escaped the fire…
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
It’s basically a defense mechanism. Things get a lot easier to deal with once you DECIDE you can eventually have a final escape. It’s really only the initial “oh my god I seriously want to die” stages that are emotional.
tinfoil theory
It is comforting to be able to get what you want.
StClair
yup.
the times I’ve thought about it, it’s been very much an attempt to find some part of my life to feel I have control over, even if only whether to end it.
And then, of course, I think of all the reasons why it’s not really an option – loved ones, etc. – and, if anything, that’s even more depressing. “Great. I don’t even have that choice, that sliver of power.”
Mr. Random
That depends on how you define power, as a concept. Most people think of it as only being able to change something, but I think it might also be the ability to resist it as well. Imagine Niagra Falls. Imagine just how much it changes it’s own surroundings. Now consider us, and how much effort, how many years of technology that we needed to even be able to affect it, even a bit.
Everything’s an option. The fact that we can stop it, to choose to say that things won’t change like that, for us or anyone else, is power in itself.
Stephen Bierce
*looks for his Lita Ford record*
Pink Freud
Holy shit I used to LOVE that song.
Stephen Bierce
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foGkU6x3eSE
Mass Confusion
And Stephen, once again, brings forth the appropriate musical accompaniment to the strip
J-Debs
I prefer Tom Waits when it comes to depression themes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3xzb2eubf0
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
I’d say https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KEXQkrllGbA is a better fit
Doctor_Who
Shit, it just occurred to me that with the slow progression of time in this comic, A) Ruth will probably never get around to going through with this (which is good), but B) by the same token, we may be watching her slip agonizingly into despair (let’s call this process Winkerbeaning) for a good long while before she gets help or it takes effect.
To sum up: Damn you, Willis!
Kernanator
Let’s hope he doesn’t go full Winkerbean.
Jen Aside
Ruthy Liquorliquor
AgentKeen
“Lesbian Nachitos Lesbian Transformers. Transformers Cancer Cancer.”
“Oh crap, it’s starting…”
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
Or worse, full Wankershim.
Kelly
I have no idea what Wankershim is, but I know what Winkerbean is and I am guessing Winkerbean is worse.
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
it’s a reference to Bravest Warriors. Go watch it, NOW.
Wankershim is an AI elf that was made real somehow and then expanded to the point where the Universe is now inside him. As he was a fundamentally happy little elf, the Universe actually became much better off for it. But imagine if Willis expanded throughout the universe, his very essence becoming instilled in everything…
in short, Drama Tag Pulled.
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
goddammit why can’t I whip out these far-fetched analyses when I’m writing essays
Jen Aside
because essays matter
brains only start working on time-wasting internet discussions
Gadgeteer Smashwidget
so true.
Ahighfunctioningsociopath
The other problem is, by that logic, Ruth can also never truly get better. There simply isn’t the time for her to do so. To recover from these thoughts requires time and therapy, and Ruth doesn’t have the former. And the terrible thing is how accurate this depiction is; meaning that since the treatment of this situation is depicted so truthfully, Mr. Willis is well aware of what is required to treat it and won’t simply write a magical cure/treatment as a way of helping Ruth. So Ruth is going to be stuck with these thoughts for a very, very long time.
tldr: shitnuggets.
Mass Confusion
I thought it was tl;dr: Damn you Willis
Bionic_Doctor
I’m pretty sure Willis said that the comic’s pace would not necessarily be even, meaning that some jumps forward in time could be possible?
SUGauthor
Well look at how much time has actually passed in comic vs the number of events that have happened. So many characters have gone from not even knowing each other to having extremely strong relationships over the course of less than two months, including Ruth and Billie. And it’s not just relationships, pretty much every major character has gone through some sort of significant change and many have had several life changing events happen to them. Realistically so much stuff wouldn’t happen in so little time, but because the story is ongoing and the characters cannot graduate for the comic to function properly, time has to be slowed down, and this means that events have to occur faster then they normally would. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I wouldn’t be surprised if Ruth’s recovery ends up being faster then some people think it will be.
LiaHansen
Whaddaya even doin Ruth
Brigid Keely
Ruth really REALLY should not have this job.
Kodra
Given some of the RAs I had in college, it doesn’t seem like they are really choosey. Mostly just trying to find anyone who will take the job.
Dorje Sylas
Are you a warm body, without a crimal record, with passing grades? That’s about the extent. They are often still undergrads, and often not much older than their charges. Mainly RAs are there to keep the froshes from demolishing the buidling they inhabit.
zmm
Ehh… “passing grades when we hire you in the summer. once school starts if you fail thats fine. We won’t know till your done with your contract”
Betty Anne
One of my RAs ended up having to leave school early to go into rehab, because she developed a crippling drug habit while in school.
RAs are not magical, world-experienced beings who can guide college students on the path of right and good while actually doing something about the whiteboard dingdong bandit – they’re college students, just like their peers.
Plasma Mongoose
Ruth is fucked up even worse than Shinji was and that kid was fucked up.
lejwocky
If Ruth is Shinji, then is Dina PenPen?
Opus the Poet
Are you kidding? Dina is Rei.
Rani
Nobody is more fucked up than Shinji; I’m pretty sure even the show said getting that fucked up ends the universe or something
Hoboturtle
Maybe that what Willis has in mind D:
Plasma Mongoose
To be fair, Ruth has yet to rub off over a comatose Billie.
John
… That we know of.
Catullus
So that’s what happened after Billie fell asleep in Ruth’s closet.
LeslieBean4Shizzle
Damn – I was gonna say that. **pout**
StClair