133

Told me
Posted on July 30, 2019 by David M Willis

133 thoughts on “Told me”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Little does Malaya realise that doing the exact opposite of someone else is STILL letting someone else dictate your actions!

    1. Lumino

      I hate you because this comment is both a joke AND completely true.

    2. Chronos

      I’m truly amazed at how few people seem to grasp that.

      1. David

        What kind of superiority is there in letting your actions be governed by randomness? You might as well pretend to do something out of spite and lull your opponent into a false feeling of superiority. And this exploratory move is particularly great: however it turns out, Malaya gets to rub Sal’s nose in something.

        1. Ana Chronistic

          True superiority would be letting your actions be governed by research and smart decisions, acknowledging that the other person has almost nothing to do with the best choices for you

          Though Marcie’s hoping Malaya will finally let her rub HER nose in something…

        2. Chronos

          This was *actually* what I was supporting. Being governed by randomness is about as dumb as being governed by contrariness.

    3. Plasma Mongoose

      AKA Hipster Logic™

    4. Needfuldoer

      Malaya’s a gold medalist in mental gymnastics.

      1. Abbefaria

        Cartmen logic

  2. jeffepp

    Daw…

  3. butts

    it’s double reverse backwards rebellion

    1. Clif

      I’m going to do what Sal really wants me to do just to spite her IS kind of awesome in it’s own way.

      But Marcie, don’t go to bed with crazy. It’s never worth it in the long run.

      1. ego

        in the long run, we’re all dead. most kinds of crazy aren’t really _mean_. so go on, smash it.

      2. Liliet

        Malaya is progressing! She can now choose the level of meta she is spiting someone in, so whatever she does, it’s spiting anyone she chooses to SOMEHOW. GOD MODE

  4. ValdVin

    If all your friends (sic) didn’t jump off a cliff, Malaya…

  5. DailyBrad

    I… uh… fuck it, whatever works.

    1. Bagge

      <- Marcie's thoughts exactly

      1. Clif

        Fraid so.

  6. AntJ

    is anyone other than Danny allowed to get dumped on those steps

    1. jeffepp

      I’m sure it’s a traditional dumping ground.

      1. Lacuna

        And sometimes relationships end there too!

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Ten points from Hufflepuff.

        2. Sunny

          Malaya as a ‘Puff… Yeah, I can see it.

        3. He Who Abides

          50 points to Hufflepuff.

    2. Someone

      Who says this ISN’T about to be a dumping? Or at least a ‘gently letdown’ at any rate.

      1. FacelessDeviant

        If so, I’d say that the hand contact is misleading.

        1. NelC

          I dunno, I once did a handhold as part of a “It’s not me, it’s you” dump.

          (Actually a typo, I meant to write it the other way around, but it still kinda sorta fits.)

  7. motorfirebox

    Ah, the old reverse-reverse-reverse-reverse-reverse-reverse psychology trick.

    1. jeffepp

      Missed it, by that much.

      1. Opus the Poet

        IUnderstoodThatReference.gif

        1. Opus the Poet

          Also that alt.text

    2. CrazyJ

      Did you just get here? I knew you knew I knew all along, all along, all along.

      1. Mordecai

        Looks like we got a REEEAL Mexican Standoff here, boys!

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          Woo! All this talk of double cross is making me hungry! For a slice of blueberry pie!

        2. Roborat

          Huh? Neither one of them is Mexican.

      2. thejeff

        “I know. You know I know. I know you know I know. We know Henry knows, and Henry knows we know it. We’re a knowledgeable family.”

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      “I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.”

      1. Blanche Quizno

        “The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true!”

        1. Marsh Maryrose

          But what about the flagon with the dragon?

        2. Agemegos

          The piece without the parsley is the piece without the poison.

      2. He Who Abides

        “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”

      3. David

        I like Hercule Poirot’s approach when he decided to drug the evil mastermind in a case he decided to conclude unorthodoxically: he just laced every possible choice with a sedative he had acquired some tolerance level to over years of use and disposed of him while he could still stay awake.

  8. Nono

    Man, those steps are *popular*.

    1. Marsh Maryrose

      Are you, are you
      Sitting on the stairs,
      They say dreams were dashed here,
      Beaus caught unawares

      Sad things have happened here,
      Just say a couple prayers
      If we meet together
      On the Dumping Stairs

    2. Roborat

      Well yea, you hang out on the other steps, you get stabbed.

      1. Clif

        Point.

  9. Lacuna

    Pixar’s next film: Inside Out 2, except we’re in Malaya’s head and the emotions are just as confused as we are.

    1. Needfuldoer

      They’re all on pommel horses and the uneven bars, or doing endless floor routines.

      Except Nice. Nice is locked in the broom closet, bruised and sobbing.

    2. Adam Black

      4 versions of Spite, 1horniness, dash of gender confusion.

  10. Viktoria

    “malaya how even does your mind work”

    It doesn’t. Next question?

  11. Dave Van Domelen

    I remain unconvinced her mind works.

  12. Stephen Bierce

    *plays The Monkees’ “You Told Me” on the hacked P.A. speakers*

    1. Stephen Bierce

      Know it by heart you say? Prove it!

  13. Yumi

    I don’t like Malaya, so I don’t fully understand why I want this to happen, but I do, soooo…

    1. Dana

      It’s because Marcie is so cute when she gets what she wants!

      1. rustfire

        >5 years ago

        It’s crazy to me that different parts of Dumbing of Age mark completely different points in my life

    2. Keulen

      I want this to happen for Marcie’s sake, not for Malaya.

    3. geno

      See I don’t want it to happen, because Malaya isn’t a great gf for anyone other than maybe Carla who enjoys the jerkiness.

  14. CMasta

    I could start groaning at the nanosecond of the birth of this universe and continue to the present day and it would still only be a fraction of my disgust at this turn of events

    1. brute

      i want to like this comment so badly

    2. Opus the Poet

      What are you, Marvin the paranoid android?

    3. geno

      Yup yup. Marcie deserves much better. Someone introduce her to the cute newspaper girl

      1. DailyBrad

        Could be fun, though Marcie has said she has a type.

        Kinda sad thing is, it’s still better than Les’s type has been demonstrated to be at this point.

        1. Adam Black

          D’oh!

          You insult with the pointed truth.

  15. Tacos

    I feel like I’d just get a headache trying to figure out how Malaya’s mind works.

    1. Bagge

      Then imagine what Sal feels?

    2. Wizard

      I’m filing the workings of Malaya’s mind under “things humanity was not meant to know”.

  16. TerribleName

    Even in an otherwise touching moment, Malaya remains one of the worst characters

  17. BBCC

    Hey, whatever reason works. I want this conversation. <3

    I needed this after tonight.

    1. Needfuldoer

      oh no :c

      Sympathy through light virtual contact? Appropriate gesture of support*?

      (I always picture this as Obi-Wan’s mind trick hand wave.)

      1. BBCC

        It’s nothing that bad, just saw something stressful. I’m fine. Thank you for your concern. <3

        Also, that Obi-Wan image is delightful.

  18. Bagge

    A great victory for reverse-reverse psychology!

    1. ValdVin

      …but isn’t that just what she wants you to think?

      1. Bagge

        DANGIT!

  19. Zatar

    I love how Malaya has to describe even advice that she does follow in the most petty terms possible.

    1. Jhon

      Malaya is gender confused and spiteful. So when she does good things for bad reasons, we hate her anyway.

      1. Zatar

        This is definitely not a statement of hate.

  20. Dana

    Sal’s not the boss of me, so I guess we have to do it now.

  21. BarerMender

    Wait. Does she mean Sal told her not to do it, or does she mean Sal told her to do it but she’s copped wise and is doing it anyway?

    1. Miri

      Sal told her that Marcie likes her and asked if there was any chance of it happening.

      Malaya has worked out that Sal had been using reverse psychology on her earlier on so she’s saying Sal told her to do it, to stop her from doing it, but she’s doing it anyway. Sal was actually having a straightforward, direct conversation with her at that point…

      1. BarerMender

        Yeah, that’s what I thought.

      2. Anon

        Yeah except I bet that Malaya decided she does actually want this with Marcie, and all that is the explanation she gives herself/others to cover up that she has actual feels and pretend it is totes consistent with her rebellion against Sal and the world.

        1. BBCC

          Pretty much this. Malaya’s kinda a knee jerk contrarian.

  22. Delicious Taffy

    And then everybody fucked. >:(

    1. Opus the Poet

      YellingBird.gif

  23. brumagem

    God dammit, Malaya

  24. PB

    Briar patches are cozy this time of year, so I hear.

  25. JessWitt

    I imagine Malaya’s mind is a warped funhouse mirror.

    1. David

      And this warped funhouse features Chuckie.

  26. Jamie

    Malaya is like one of those AIs that you can paralyze with a logic paradox, isn’t she?

    1. oh no

      This sentence is a lie.

      1. Tyler Durham

        Don’tthinkaboutitdon’tthinkaboutitdon’tthinkaboutit.

        1. Michelle J. Caboose

          Ummm… True.

          This is easy!

    2. Doom Shepherd

      Norman, coordinate…

    3. ValdVin

      Message: “Message two follows.”

      Message two: “Ignore message one.”

    4. Roborat

      Are you saying this is just a cheesy Star Trek episode?

  27. Risky

    She’s not actually saying this to Marcie, unless Marcie is really good at reading the backs of people’s heads.

    1. Miri

      Marcie isn’t deaf, she’s mute as a result of a horrific throat injury she couldn’t afford surgery for…

    2. BarerMender

      Marcie can hear.

  28. abysswatcher1993

    Malaya’s brain is so twisted that she would do something counter intuitive just to “show off” to those that are trying to help her.

  29. BarerMender

    I’m in favor of this ship. I have a notion Malaya has never had any love in her life, and that ain’t right. Some love will do her good.

    1. geno

      You can give jerks all the love in the world, and it won’t change them. They gotta find a reason to change themselves

  30. All-Purpose Guru

    I think the thing that bugs me so much about Malaya is she has just a completely fucked up personality.

    I’d like to ship it; I can’t ship it. Fuckin’ is ok, but I don’t want Marcie getting hurt.

    1. BenRG

      It would be a well-used cliché if being with Marcie helped Malaya find some balance in her life. The question that Willis obviously would have had to address when plotting this arc would be: Is it a good enough well-used cliché to put in the story?

  31. Bicycle Bill

    Amber, Sal, and Walky
    (zzzzt)
    Now we’re at Galasso’s, with Ruth, Billy, Jason, and Sydny Yus
    (zzzzt)
    Cut to Marcie and Malaya outside Read Hall

    All hail Willis, maestro extraordinaire of the smash cut!!

    1. Juanoku

      Keep you hooked and crying 24/7

      1. Spriteless Girl

        No just a few minutes/7

    2. Roborat

      Getting whiplash yet?

  32. Torra

    Yo, I don’t think she’s here to ask her out guys I’m pretty sure she’s here to let her down gently and tell Marcie about her gender identity issues she’s been mulling over. I mean, these ARE the breakup steps

    1. Blanche Quizno

      THAT’s what I want to hear about! Shine a little light on the inside of Malaya’s psyche for once!

    2. BBCC

      Either way, I wanna see this convo!

  33. BenRG

    I’m trying to work out if Malaya’s story is the excuse she’s telling to maintain face or whether her motivations really are that tangled up in her head!

    Marcie, seriously, this one is a train crash; more so than Sal, which is a pretty amazing thing when you think about it. Are you really sure that you want to make the investment, emotionally and mentally, that being in a relationship with her will demand?

    1. Shane Wegner

      Even a couple bonings could provide happy memories for future playback.

  34. FacelessDeviant

    So Sal now basically has the cheat codes to Malayas head.

    I am sure she’ll be a wise and noble ruler.

  35. Shane Wegner

    Side observation–Marcie went out there for a good long time to think or just feel sad, and either Malaya is observant enough to realize this, or much more likely, Sal knew Marcie well enough and told Malaya what “not” to do.

  36. Lone Duck

    … Is Malaya actually a tsundere?

    1. BenRG

      It’s beginning to seem that way, isn’t it? It all depends on whether or not she actually is crushing on Sal!

  37. Iain

    Malaya’s so great.

  38. Rabisch

    Aww. How sweet! But I don’t know … the fact that the very insecure Malaya needs to pull Sal in the middle of everything, is it comical or creepy?

    1. Cedrick

      comically creepy?

    2. Roborat

      Creepily comical?

    3. Michelle J. Caboose

      Creepical!

  39. Zero

    I feel as if Malaya could be easily tricked so long as you tell her not to do something….
    Hey, remember that comment section where everyone told Sal not to do things after she was told not to pull the Fire Alarm and said now she wants to do it? Lets apply that to Malaya and see if it works.

  40. hof1991

    Unsure if this is what Marcie wants any more. The revelation of her long time crush on Sal, her too obvious thirst for Malaya, her fleeing the scene.

    But I want Marcie to have something she wants, since she almost never gets anything nice. Crappy job, crappy roommates in a crappy apartment, dismal future prospects, especially compared to the college kids she is marginally involved with. Her situation is so fragile – so DWY give her something she wants.

    1. Corey

      Im pretty sure Marcie doesnt know what Marcie wants anymore either

  41. Pocky

    what is free will?

  42. RiverDelta

    Personally, I’m more excited to see Malaya figure out her gender identity as opposed to the Malaya/Marcie ship.

  43. Valis_KR3

    Being a lesbian out of spite doesn’t work.

    1. Aubrey

      Depending on how things go, lesbian spite might not even be a factor here.

      1. Clif

        Lesbianship for spite sounds at least as good a basis for a romantic relationship as mutual suicide pact.

    2. David

      When in college tutor course, I met one mechanical engineering student (who had worked as a bike mechanic previously) who related that she decided to turn lesbian since she was tired of men whose egos would not stand for a woman much more competent to keep stuff working in the household than they were. Her partner was also in the course and they seemed pretty happy with one another.

      Now that sounded more like being a lesbian out of exasperation rather than spite, but it seems somewhat related and at least for the time being appeared to turn out pretty well.

      Now while I considered the related insecurity of my co-members of the unfair sex ridiculous, I haven’t really been in a similar position myself and may underestimate the toll it would take on my self-confidence (though I’d guess that my laziness would prevail anyway).

  44. DarkoNeko

    alt text : it’s simple : it does not

  45. Kim

    So cute. I already loved Malaya, but this strip really solidifies her place in my heart ^^

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