Topless

DUMBING OF AGE BOOK 13 KICKSTARTER UPDATE

At $45K, HALLOWEEN BECKY is now unlocked!  This magnet is 2″x4″ of in-your-face dinosaur rustlin’.  Pledge for just her at the Halloween Becky tier, OR (or!) pledge for the HALLOWEEN BECKY and HALLOWEEN DINA magnets tier!  Both, obviously.  Both is good.

Dinosaur eats man, woman inherits the earth.

Ten days to go!

196 Replies to “Topless”

    1. Pooping now doesn’t mean she wasn’t puking/peeing then. Judges are still sequestered like the poope’s cardinals.

    1. It takes roughly 36 hours for the food a person eats to be fully processed through the digestive system and the remainder to leave the colon. Those drunken poops were lunch and dinner of the previous day.

      1. I believe that depends on what you eat. Meat takes longer to digest than veggies. Vegetarians poop like clockwork on a 24-hour cycle whereas omnivores can take up to 48 hours to process a meal.

        Alcohol, however, prevents nutrient and water absorption, causing you to expel waste sooner and wetter than if it had been fully digested. Joyce is absolutely right: she has the booze poos.

        1. This is all assuming you don’t have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). If you do, all bets are off. The toilet is your prison and your gastrointestinal system is the warden.

      1. Yeeeeeep I remember the nights of tequila shots and waking up none the wiser.

        I was even confused by it the first time. “Is this a hangover?”

        1. “Is this just fantasy??”
          *caught in a landslide*
          *no escape from reality*
          open your eyes
          look up to the skies and
          SCREEEEEAM

      2. To quote a comedian whose name I do not recall:

        When you are 25 and drink you wake up the next morning hungover. When you are 45 and drink you wake up the next morning and it’s Wednesday.

    1. Dorothy was educated enough to get them a pitcher of water before they left, and they were never that crazily drunk to begin with. It’s not really surprising for them to end up with nary a headache

    2. She wasn’t *that* drunk. She stayed cogent and got a little silly. So long as she’d eaten beforehand and got that pitcher of water in at the end, she might have no hangover at all.

      Seriously, if you are going to bed drunk, make sure to pound at least two full glasses of water first. It makes all the difference between miserable and like it never happened.

      Gen Zers with their water-heavy BORGs are my heroes. Wish my generation had thought of it!

      1. … As an older Millennial who always had at least a pint of water before bed after drinking (generally at some point switch to alternating water and fun drinks) – and had to Google that because downing Trek Borg nanobytes to avoid a hangover (but… Y’know, get assimilated and become a Borg) seemed somewhat extreme… I’ve never had a hangover. Don’t drink often but if I want to have 3 on a work night coz it’s the school holidays and the kids are away and the husband and I are having a late night with pizza and films/a series, the point I call it a night is the point I don’t want to drink any more/calculate I want to get most of the remaining number of hours before I need to start work as sleep…

        But I do think some of it’s down to part of how people process alcohol.

        1. I’ve never had a painful hangover, because I’ve known about the alternate-with-water thing since before starting to drink, but I’ve had a couple where there was a deep, deep, deep layer of fuzz between me and the rest of the world.

          (I had a little era where, like Sal, I had no idea what drinks costs because I never had to pay for them. Not gonna lie: I kinda miss it.)

          But I never ended up with headaches. Deep fuzz a few times the next day? Very much so. But not pain.

    3. I mean, they didn’t get like DANGEROUSLY drunk. At the end of the day, they had the equivalent of 7 drinks between two women. 3.5 oz of liquor will not make most women terribly hung over, in my experience.

  1. Danny is a pretty chill bf. I’ve seen relationships tested for less than a stray jacket and bra on the floor they didn’t know about. Good, Danny.

    1. What exactly would he be mad at? He thought his gf and his friend hooked up, while he was in the room, and left her clothes on the floor? It’s more likely that Sal was in his bed for a time and he doesn’t remember.

      1. Got to admit, finding my girlfriend’s jacket and someone else’s bra on the floor when I knew she hadn’t been there would weird me out.

      2. I assume you are referring to the bra size (with joyce being bustier than sal).

        Ok, a close inspection might have made it clear that “this is not Sal’s”. But we don’t know how close Danny looked at it, or whether the bra was “layed out” to make the size obvious or crumpled up on the floor (making it hard to determine size)

            1. Wow I was way off, I thought it looked like a Phrygian cap bycocket (double wow, somehow I’d gotten those two mixed up; also, I’ve long associated the latter as much with Sir/King Graham as with good Robin).

      1. I gotta ask, does this become a problem for heavier people? I’d get nervous if I had to plop myself on anything that doesn’t seem like it could take my weight and that’s for something just a half foot off the ground…

        1. Once for a technical conference I took the cheapest accommodation: I rented a dorm room for the week (the conference being between terms). It had one of these structures. The bed was quite sturdy, but (a) the ladder rungs were so narrow they hurt my feet, so I ended up wearing my shoes to bed and taking them off when I got there; and (b) dorm mattresses are so narrow that I worried I’d roll over in my sleep and fall five feet to the floor. (I didn’t.)

    1. It is a fucking incredible bit. I love it. If we were to follow Joe and Joyce into a marriage I would want her not to know the name of Joe’s best man.

  2. THE GREAT HAT DETECTIVE: THE CASE OF THE TOPLESS SAL

    When Danny Wilcox stepped into his dorm room, little did he know he’d be stepping into…MURDER! Or at least, it SMELLED like someone had been murdered. And his dilettante best bud Joe is waxing poetic about feelings…over the jacket and brassiere of Dan’s own dame?! Can Danny keep his cool long enough to finger the culprit??! Of course he can, or his name isn’t: THE GREAT HAT DETECTIVE

      1. Sal, too. Honestly probably so would THE GREAT HAT DETECTIVE (the guy who used to have the hat but then didn’t but has the hat again now but isn’t wearing it presently.)

        1. I knew a girl in high school who slept with her bra on because boobs are sinful or some other weird thing. Then again, I had a cousin who fell asleep with a bra on and a spider got stuck under the strap and bit the hell out of her… so I never fell asleep with one on again.

          1. That sounds like a story straight out of the world of crazy made up internet statistics. Like that myth about people eating spiders in their sleep.

            1. “Spider-Bra Sally, whose bra was nest for one million brown recluse babies, is an outlier and should not be counted.”

          1. I’ve known a couple of women who had specific bras for sleeping in due to being awoken by uncomfortable positioning when they didn’t wear one.

      1. Is this horny or sympathizing with how uncomfortable this actually is?

        Sleeping with a bra on is not fun, especially when you have sensitive nipples like me. And, fuck, don’t get me started on pads and underwire. Sports bras are tolerable, but other ones are not.

    1. Better question – who tf sleeps in a bra and/or underwear????? I’ve seen it in multiple fics where someone is and I’m just sitting there like ‘who tf does that?’

      1. Actually, sleeping in underwear is fairly common. Most people I know either sleep in underwear, or they sleep in lounge pants and an oversized t-shirt.

      2. if I wear pajama pants I wear underwear (I don’t like the feeling of commando), but if no pants, no underwear either.

        Never a bra though (although I’ve had top surgery, so not a concern anymore). I have known people (and known of more) who wore bras to bed because they were terrified of sagging though

        1. Pretty sure their fears were unfounded. There was a 15-year study by Jean-Denis Rouillon which supposedly discovered that bras actually increased sagging; the study’s disputed for multiple reasons (hasn’t been reproduced, 330 is too few people for the number of variables involved, and the like), but the very fact that it remains ambiguous implies that it’s really nothing to worry about (well, except during activities that could strain the Cooper’s ligaments, I suppose — but I know I’d want to wear a sports bra to prevent excessive bouncing then anyway).
          Sleeping, in particular, doesn’t really cause much strain, though… well, at least for most of us; maybe your friends were prone to unusually energetic somnambulism?
          Now I’m reminded of https://youtu.be/gAA1W9OSxhE

          1. (For me personally, though, it wouldn’t be a concern anyway: even if sleeping without a bra did cause sagging… well, I can’t sleep WITH a bra, and sleep is necessary for mental health while perky breasts aren’t.)

          2. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work and that sagging probably is just genetics, so it just makes one have to deal with bra problems 24/7.

      3. I’ve seen a mix of opinions about whether its more comfortable to sleep with or without underwear. I’ve even seen one person saying it was more comfortable to sleep in a bra, god knows why.

      4. Fair enough, everyone. I didn’t realize that sleeping with underwear under your pyjamas was a common thing. Sleeping in underwear, sure, but I don’t know anyone who wears underwear under pyjamas IRL (at least not to my knowledge). I stand corrected.

    2. she wasn’t completely drunk to black out so i imagine most girls would even if some bras advertise themselves as ‘comfy enough to sleep in’ but even then i think more than 24 hours would be too much

      i don’t have that huge of a chest (tho i think i grew a cup size way past puberty) tho i always had an issue with the straps being too short versus the cups since i don’t care about uplifting but i’d just either wear an ‘undershirt’ or a sports bra if i had to go out all day with someone or so

        1. It’s only a matter of time before the end comes for us all. I, for one, hope to live long enough to see canonical Joyce breats.

        1. My family has a history of large bossoms and lemme tell you those things look way too rigid to sleep on.
          Imagine your underpants having a martial arts codpiece, that would not be comfortable to sleep on.

          1. Imagine coming home from court in your ornate codpiece and just being so tired you just sweep your half cape back and flop other bed without taking anything off. Just wake up 5 hours later face down and arched up by it.

          2. There’s such a thing as wireless bras with soft fabric cups. They’re really comfortable. You could definitely fall asleep in one of those, i think I did once to help with some pain

  3. I like how Danny is wondering if Sal was there. And, even though he obviously still thinks Sal is hot, Joe is so into Joyce, it’s adorable. <3

    Poor girl though. XD This is one of the things that happens if you drink too much.

  4. How bright does their room look? Does it look like direct sunrise bright, or sunrise reflected off of a semi-snowy world diffuse lighting? I’ve been thinking their window faced SW, because of shots like this. But now I’m not sure.

    For comparison, I’m pretty sure Walky’s window faces sunrise.

  5. Honestly, Joe being like: nah and then saying dreaming about cuddling joyce was nicer than sal topless? growth. not even a wayward thing abt sal being hot even

    1. I’ve wondered aloud a few times (after reading a lot of real life stories about this sorta encounter) if there just aren’t locks on bathrooms in the states, and have usually been told stuff like ‘why should I have to use the lock? Everyone else should know better than to barge in.’

      That said, I think Joyce would be someone who valued bathroom locks, so I’m assuming it’s either the drink or the hangover.

      1. In my house, it’s the cats. They always want to be where we are at and make a fuss when they can’t get in, so strange as it may seem, it’s easier to leave the door unlatched so they can wander in and visit you.

        1. Let them fuss.

          Our last cats would just scratch at the door casing (which we covered with sacrificial boards for as high as they could reach) for a bit until we were finished. One was a little sharper than the other; he could tell if the door latched or not by the sound, so if he didn’t hear the click he’d just walk up and push the door open with one front paw. (Usually he’d just barge in demanding a drink from the faucet.) The other one just liked to chill in the bathroom after it was hot and humid, so she’d run over as soon as she heard the water stop and wait by the door until you opened it.

          I miss those cats.

      2. I had to go look at the latch on our master-suite bathroom to know whether it has a lock (it does) — we’ve never locked it. But, thinking about it, I’ve never noticed a domestic bathroom in the US that did not have a locking latch. Usually the kind with a pushbutton on the inside and a tiny hole on the outside to unlock it with a paperclip if that’s ever needed.

        We did lock the hall bathroom when the kids were small.

      3. I don’t recall many bathroom doors without locks. They’re always locks that are trivial to unlock from the outside. But different households have different customs, regarding if they bother to lock the door when in use, or shut the door when not in use, and knocking.
        Danny, Joe, and their mysterious half-bath fellows may have a “lock the door” custom, and Joyce, Sarah, Sal, and Malaya have a “knock” custom.

        Or maybe Danny regularly walks in on their WC-mates taking a dump.

        1. i guess since despite the ‘shared half baths’ ppl go to a separate shower room to shower in so maybe they only ever use them for quick bathroom breaks or only to wash face/brush teeth normally

        2. apparently they’re called “jack and jill” bathrooms, and there’s several different ways the locks can be set up, privacy locks vs real locks, and on which side of the doors.

          1. It’s funny because nothing I can find really talks about how to make the locks work. In the modern world, I think you’d need to go with some kind of electronic set up that would let you lock both doors while you were in there, but automatically open them when you left.
            And also lock the door to your room, so the other party couldn’t use it to get in.

            No way I can see to make it work without problems with just standard locks.

            1. I think in that situation, privacy locks on the inside of both doors, and you have to have a WC agreement in addition to your roommate agreement. Because I expect having real locks on the outside of both doors would be a fire code violation. And fancy electronic stuff is probably not cost effective.

          2. I had to share a bathroom with both my sibling (and my mom) and it was fine, but jack and jill bathrooms always seemed like a good way to get one’s kids to fight even more

    2. Remember these are shared half-baths. I’ve never been able to figure out how you’d want locks to work with them.
      You’d want to be able to lock both doors while you’re using it and to lock the door into your room so they can’t be used to come through from the other dorm, but you also don’t want either side to be able to lock the other one out of the bathroom.

    1. Danny (George Bailey voice): Why don’t you remember? You stalked me once upon a time!
      Joe (Clarence the Angel voice): You were never born, remember?

    1. camera in panel 1 is weird. either it’s above the ceiling, or the focal length is a lot different, I can’t put my finger on it exactly.

    1. you’d THINK it would be that easy
      but after a while characters Do Their Own Thing
      yes, even while you’re writing them

    1. There’s a practical problem, since the half-bath connects two rooms. If a half-bath user locks both doors for privacy and forgets to unlock both when done, then the residents on the other side are locked out.
      It would be possible nowadays to devise some electronic solution, and I’ve heard of a clever mechanical solution, but it’s simpler just not to have locks and deal with the issue another way.

    1. i think it’d come up before then but it’d prolly be weirder if you didn’t need the bathroom after a night out of drinking

  6. The concept of a mystery being oversolved and drowning in testimony makes me think of an infuriated judge hammering his gavel and screaming “All right! He’s guilty! There! NOW SHUT THE HELL UP!!!”

  7. Nice “Dr McCoy eyebrow” on Danny in the second frame. He clearly suspected for a moment that Joe and Sal had been bumping uglies, once he discovered her jacket.

    1. Nah, she’s going to walk out of the bathroom and go “Joe, someone I’ve never seen before was just in your bathroom, who else are you letting in here?”

      1. A giant floating question mark opened the door and started interrogating her!

        Or maybe she sees him as a big red “ERROR” like in Garry’s Mod.

  8. Joyce: Joe, I had to kill a stranger who broke into your room.

    *Holds Danny’s still beating heart*

    Joe: Okay, I’m having my Mortal Kombat dream again.

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