135

Tutor
Posted on August 4, 2011 by David M Willis

135 thoughts on “Tutor”

  1. Jen Aside

    SAL WHY DON’T YOU ASK THE TA WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE

    oh wait

    1. AaronS

      Agreed 100%. Come on, Sal, pretend to care about math just a little bit longer! Keep walking down there!

      …No?

      Rats.

    2. David Herbert

      You mean, help her with his penis?

      1. Kernanator

        As Joe would reply, “With my penis”.

        1. Aizat

          And Mike would reply, ” With your mom for a nickel.”

      2. Björn

        Jason’s penis can’t do that. It’s too British. 😉

        (Jason is very British in the earlier webcomics. Dunno if that’s been mentioned in DoA yet.)

        1. TsunamiJane

          No no no….Willis has said multiple times that we are not to even MENTION the earlier webcomics. These are not the same people we once knew!

        2. BritNinja

          If Jason is no longer British, I will MUTINY.

          I would also like to make it clear, the British penis is perfectly adept at helping young ladies with their maths problems should the need arise.

        3. Sandpunk

          Yeah but you gotta convert from metric.

        4. madd

          Or the penises we once knew.

        5. Kernanator

          Dr. Seuss’ little known book, “Oh, The Penises You’ll Go”.

        6. CWR

          “These aren’t the penises you’re looking for”
          “These aren’t the penises we’re looking for”
          “He can now get down to bidness”
          “You can now get down to bidness”
          “Bang a gong”
          “Bang a gong, bang a gong”

          Quotes from the porn edition of…oh, you know – that movie. Argh! Tip of my tongue…no, not literally – wait, what?

    3. Chris

      And then they can make out, right next to the regenerating innards of her dead brother!

  2. Plasma Mongoose

    Joyce as a tutor? That could be interesting…

    1. Kernanator

      “Interesting” in the same way that a car wreck is “interesting”.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Interesting as in that mysterious growth on that guy’s neck looks interesting.

        1. Kernanator

          Interesting in the same way hilariously bad fanfiction is interesting.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          “Interesting” in the way that Jack Chick Tracts are “Interesting”. 😀

        3. Aizat

          Interesting in the same way as an over the top Super Robot anime.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          That’s a very optimistic viewpoint.

        5. Kernanator

          No, that’s the awesome kind of interesting. We’re talking about the “Oh God, it’s so horrible, yet I can’t look away” kind of interesting.

        6. Aizat

          Okay, how about as interesting as your most hated person getting mauled by 400 bears?

        7. MrGBH

          So you’re talking about Rupert Murdoch?

        8. Aizat

          It’s my “Oh God, it’s so horrible yet I can’t look away” moment.

        9. A. Colunga

          I’d totally secretly read that fanfiction =P

        10. JBO

          Interesting in the same way lemons are interesting.

        11. Saria

          Combustible lemons?

    2. andrew

      i liked your last dp better

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        dp? What’s that?

        1. Tournesol

          either a Director of Photography or double penetration.. I think there MIGHT be a definition I don’t know of 😛

  3. Mkvenner

    Will Jason Be making another appearance in the near future?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Well they have made 12 films featuring Jason already, so who knows.

      1. Mkvenner

        Not that Jason and you kown it. >:(

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Holy Shit! How did ya know? Are you psychic or somethin’? 😛 😛

  4. gangler

    So question of the day, how does this disappear her?

  5. calendarman27

    JOYCE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU SAL…SHE LOVES YOOOUUUU

    1. Aizat

      Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, Joyce Brown will find you and offer you tracts.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Joyce is a very at-tract-ive chick. 😛

        1. calendarman27

          She’s helping Sal get on the right tract for school

        2. CWR

          Huge tracts of land, m’boy!

      2. RSerian

        This may make me feel old but for some reason with Aizat’s remark I am reminded of the 1980’s pilot “Pryde of the X-Men”.

    2. Aizat

      Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I have no choice but to reply with a Rickvana!

        1. Aizat

          Now that is interesting.

      2. Mkvenner

        I actually like that song. 😛

      3. Gordon

        Joyce would love that song for its sincerity.

  6. Gnoka

    Thus begins Sal and Jason.

    1. Aizat

      That sounds like an 80’s sitcom.

      1. calendarman27

        Sal and Jason, starring Mary Tyler Moore as SSL and Dave coulier as Jason, with guest spots by jaleel white as Walky, sit ubu sit, good dog

        1. calendarman27

          Godammit my stupid phone wrote SSL instead of Sal

  7. Kernanator

    Curses! Foiled again!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Dagnabbit!!

    2. Aizat

      Curse you, Joyce Brown!

  8. AaronS

    I never realized this chapter’s name is “Yesterday was Thursday”.

    GJ, David, GJ!

  9. dchorror

    Karma is shaped like Joyce?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Will Sal be able to pull off a Karma Houdini?

      1. dchorror

        I defy your link!

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          I will get you next time DC, NEXT TIME! 😀

        2. Gordon

          Aww, I fell into the trap.

          *isn’t sleeping tonight*

        3. dchorror

          The sad part of this being that I was able to defy your link because I was already on tvtropes.

          Been forever since I’ve seen anyone call me that.

        4. Aizat

          *cat sounds*

  10. MM

    Now would be a really good time to teach Billie some crazy ninja skills, Sal.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Why doesn’t Sal just disappear like batman?

      1. Aizat

        You cannot escape Joyce. She can find you even if you went of the grid.

        1. 1Samildanach

          She’s like a golem. A smiling, Christian golem. With chick tracts.

        2. calendarman27

          she can’t be a golem they’re Jewish, now Joes a golem, a sex golem, following out the orders of his maters with his penis

        3. 1Samildanach

          Christianity started off under the umbrella of Judaism. Then they had a bit of a disagreement and Christianity eventually left home.

        4. Blob Marley

          He’s my messiah! Why can’t you just let me be with him! You’re ruining my life, mom and YHWH! I hate you FOREVER! I’m totes running away, and one day I’ll be more famous than you and you’ll regret this!

        5. calendarman27

          Not to mention was already dealing with its estranged brother Islam so it couldn’t devote full attention to its child Christianity. Family squabbles whattareya gonna do?

        6. Doom Shepherd

          Um, no. Christianity is older than Islam.

        7. Mkvenner

          Buddhism is older than Christianity.

  11. Matt of Steel

    I thought hyper Christians were bad at math.

    Earth = 6000 years old and all that.

    1. dchorror

      Newton was a Hyper Christian.

      1. Mkvenner

        But he wasn’t mentally deficient.

        1. Kelly

          After the mercury he was!

    2. MM

      That’s not math. That’s inability and/or unwillingness to understand carbon-dating.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        That’s because it comes with a carbon tax. 😛

        1. Mkvenner

          And the hate taxes because money grubbing penny-pinching misers who kill poor people.

      2. Kernanator

        Fundies don’t believe that marriage should be between a man and a carbon.

    3. drs

      That’s not math, that’s science. There’s no reason for Christian fundamentalist homeschooling kids to be bad at math, or any other subject not related to evolution, the age of the Earth, or other trigger subjects, and the sort of parents who care enough to homeschool probably raise your chances of getting a good education in general. For that matter, from what I’ve seen of materials, such a kid might well know more biological facts than average… presented of course in a framework of “the glory of God’s Creation” rather than “and this is how evolution makes it all make sense.”

      Reading, writing, ‘rithmetic — no reason for Joyce to be flawed in any of them. Or chemistry, or physics outside astronomy and radiodating, or knowledge of living species. Evolution and history of the US, those are other matters…

      1. MacaroniPterodactyl

        Math is a touchy subject for a lot of Fundies, or at least it was. Copernicus, Gallileo, Beethoven, Bach, Da Vinci. All of them loved math, all of them got in big trouble for using it to disprove the bible. Big time.

  12. Aizat

    Persistent isn’t she? Joyce, I mean.

  13. Digidestined of Trust (Tim)

    I suddenly have the urge to yell out, “BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON!” After seeing Sal’s Blue eyes comment.

    1. Hitoshi

      Joyce is more like “Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon”.

      1. Aizat

        Joyce has three heads? Oh god, now she’s more nightmare fuel by the second.

    2. Kernanator

      I SUMMON BLUE EYES WHITE JOYCE!

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I would have thought that Joyce would be more of a Trap Card than a Monster Card. 😀

        1. Kernanator

          Joyce used A Tract!

    3. Mkvenner

      Blue Eyes White Devil.

  14. Mkvenner

    What does Marsellus Wallace look like?

    1. Aizat

      He’s black.

      1. Mkvenner

        Go on.

        1. Aizat

          He’s bald.

        2. Mkvenner

          Does he look like a bongo?

        3. Aizat

          What?

        4. Mkvenner

          *Shots Aizat* DOES…HE…LOOK…LIKE A…bongo?!

        5. Aizat

          *Yells in pain* NOOOOOOO!!!!

        6. Mkvenner

          Then why’d you try to f*** him like a bongo, Aizat?

        7. Aizat

          I didn’t.

        8. Mkvenner

          You read the Bible?

        9. Aizat

          No.

        10. Mkvenner

          Oh, good cause I’m running late for my next appointment. So don’t do it again.

  15. HiEv

    Mike’s shoulder is in the first frame, so this gets a “mike” tag. LOL

  16. ALostProphet

    Well, we can mark “Bad with Schoolwork” off the bingo card, at least.

  17. Ravux

    Me feels Sal doesn’t like Joyce too much. Just a feeling.

    1. Daeva

      I think it’s less Sal not liking Joyce, more Sal trying to mask her utter apathy towards her math class.

      She knows Joyce means well, but she doesn’t want to run the risk of Joyce trying to save her grades by admitting she doesn’t much care. And Joyce does come off as sort of a buttinski.

  18. CP

    I really don’t like the way the characters are drawn in profile. Their mouths look super creepy, like they’ve turned part baleen whale or something, suddenly. Just a little minor input.

    1. CP

      Okay, actually checking back a ways, this is only done with Joyce. It’s still creepy.

      1. Kernanator

        Joyce is creepy.

        1. Aizat

          When Joyce stared into the abyss, the abyss looked away out of terror.

        2. MM

          And yet Joyce chased after it, trying to give it a hug and a Chick tract.

        3. Mkvenner

          The abyss blinked.

      2. begbert2

        Joyce’s triangle grin defies the laws of physics, in the same way her blue eyes defy the laws of outline coloration. The cuteness is truly an unstoppable force.

        1. Mkvenner

          Okay I understood the first laws but I’ve never heard of the second ones you mention.

  19. Daeva

    Is it me, or is the entire world tilting to the left in the fourth panel?

    1. sarpiedon

      Back, and to the left…

  20. Jokerisdaking

    Why does Sal still have a southern accent in this alternate universe? She wasn’t raised in the south in this universe was she?

    1. The Aussie Bloke

      Probably picked it up at Catholic school in… Tennessee, was it? *Is Australian and doesn’t know American state locations very well*

  21. MrGBH

    Today’s comments are utterly random.

    1. Aizat

      As random as finding a person who have the same name as you.

    2. dchorror

      With one exception, I don’t think any of the comments today were random, much less utter. Which actually makes yours random, so two…

  22. Hitoshi

    Joyce reminds me of that skeleton from Animaniacs in Panel 5.

    1. calendarman27

      Good idea: helping a friend with their homework
      Bad idea: helping a friend with their homework with your penis

  23. Zem

    Cute. I like.

  24. Renomitsu

    Haha, Joyce is just too cute! :3

  25. begbert2

    I think I reveal my gender with this comment: Sal should definitely go without the jacket more often.

    1. Mkvenner

      That really doesn’t reveal your gender.

      1. dchorror

        Just your preference.

  26. shovels

    Quick Sal look for a window!

    or would Joyce follow her down the window!?

    1. Mkvenner

      Joyce would already be on the otherside waiting for her. 😀

      1. Kernanator

        Joyce is Nightcrawler.

  27. artemi

    …It actually took me about a full minute of searching before I found Mike.

  28. Shifty

    Joyce could honestly make for an interesting sort of horror movie villain. Sure, the conventional killers are always a good stand-by, but there would be something to be said about a horror villain character who is constantly happy, will follow you around 24/7, and who will either try to convert you into believing in Jesus or force you into marrying her. It’d be kinda like the Stepford Wives meets Single White Female.

  29. ALostProphet

    Eh, this comic’s ok

  30. ParanoidSpy

    I keep hearing Ironhide’s voice coming out of Sal’s mouth.

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