137

Tutoring
Posted on June 7, 2014 by David M Willis
There is a comic about me today over at Hijinks Ensue about the feelings I put in your pants.  Well, at least Joel Watson's pants.  Maybe also yours. Joel has an ongoing Patreon campaign!  While I'm putting feelings in pants, put some food in his mouth. oh and i guess i should go link to what he's talking about since they're kind of oldish now, kind of nsfwish depending

137 thoughts on “Tutoring”

  1. Tobias

    And so we go from “major sexual issues” to… Joe.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Makes sense to me. 😀

      1. JustCheetoDust

        Shit, I approve.

      2. sylvester crow

        Yeah, from the result of, to the cause of many.

    2. Jen Aside

      It’s called a segue =3

      1. Yotomoe

        And if they went on weird mobile standing electric vehicles that max out at 20 MPH, It’d be a Segway.

        1. Leorale

          If it’s a national park in Australia, it might be an Otway.

        2. xKiv

          Where you may find a sequoia or two hundred.

        3. OldFart

          http://Www.litmotors.com
          More than 20mph. No standing. Still white and nerdy, though.
          I want one so bad. Please don’t be vaporware, C1.
          Sorry I kind of broke the flow of puns.

        4. Yotomoe

          Naw it’s fine. You could say it was a….
          Segue

        5. Blub

          If you’re looking for weird, electric and tiny, you should check out Renault Twizy. Has been available since 2012.

    3. tinfoil theory

      Joe is pretty hard up for a shag. Desperate, even.

      1. Deanatay

        This is turning out like college should – everyone goes in with a well-defined sense of self, of their place in the world – which is promptly shattered, and they spend the rest of their time there rebuilding it. Joe went in thinking it would be four years of getting laid by hot chicks – and he’s finding himself dissatisfied with it. Right now, that’s prompting him to look for hotter, more challenging lays – but what will happen when those don’t satisfy him, either?

    4. LittleMountain

      We went so far in one direction we looped around!

    5. Aaron Bourque

      Based on the chin Joyce fantasized in the previous strip, I’d say we’d been with Joe the whole time.

    6. desai

      So we’re still on topic then…

      1. MichaelHaneline

        Beat me to the punch with this point.
        Joe’s issues seem almost as bad as Joyce’s.

    7. Aisling

      How is that weird? Joe is a sexual issue lol.

  2. Noah

    DANNY-SAL 2: THE DANNING CONTINUES

    1. Jen Aside

      DANNY-SAL 2: ELECTRIC DANNALOO

    2. LittleMountain

      “Danning” is a verb now. You made it a thing.

      1. David M Willis

        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/03-answers-in-hennessy/dan-it/

  3. Plasma Mongoose

    No Joe, you cannot go!

    1. KingMabel

      NO HANKY PANKIES, JOE!!

      1. Yotomoe

        He’s got a Panky Hankering for some Sal action!

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        You will have to settle for some spankie wankies tomight Joe.

        1. KingMabel

          No! What will your parents think of you when they see you doing that after you die, Joe?

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          The damage is already done, even if he stopped, he would still have many days worth of pervy footage for his parents to watch.

        3. Jen Aside

          They could just put like a hundred screens together like in Best Buy, then they could knock it out in just one day.

        4. hof1991

          We have a pretty good idea what Joe’s dad would think about if he were in heaven watching all of Joe’s sexal activities. But there’s no fapping in heaven.

          In heaven, there is no fapping,
          That’s why we do it here.
          And when we’re gone from here,
          Our friends will be fapping all the year.

        5. Dean

          Joe and his dad would just be high-fiving the whole time.

        6. Deanatay

          I’m sure Joe’s grandparents are wearing their blinders and headphones in the top bunk and studiously ignoring everything going on down below.
          http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/02-choosing-my-religion/tissue/

        7. ubersoft

          Like his dad would care.

        8. Khrene Cleaver

          I just imagined May spanking Joe with smile…

          Hawt?

  4. Jen Aside

    “That depends. Can you learn how to do Rainbow Road in two minutes?”

    1. anonymous

      Is that humanly possible?

      1. Jen Aside

        Only with Wiggler.

        [doesn’t actually know]

        1. Jen Aside

          Come to think of it, if Joe has teleportation abilities, he could easily beat two minutes in time trial.

    2. Yotomoe

      “Is that a sexual position, because if so the answers yes”

      (The Rainbow Road sexual position would probably be very intertwined and it’d be very easy to fall off the bed.)

      1. Leorale

        It’s also only possible if everyone involved is the same gender.

        1. Opus the Poet

          OOhh! Good answer!

        2. Jen Aside

          Survey says!

          [STRIKE]

  5. Mr. Random

    Teleportation. You didn’t answer his question.

    1. lejwocky

      For he is the Kefitzat Haderech!

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        You meant the Kwisatz Haderach right?

        1. JustCheetoDust

          Spelling aside, he could instead be Nightcrawler.

        2. Yotomoe

          He’s clearly using Instant Transmission guys, GOSH.

        3. Anarchy 101

          Hes obvously just physically accelerating his body to the speed of one panel

        4. Kamino Neko

          No, his superhero name is The Horny Toad.

        5. lejwocky

          Spelling was intentional. It’s a Kabbalistic term for something like teleportation.

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          Oh, so you weren’t going for a Dune reference then.

        7. lejwocky

          Yes I was, I just tweaded the reference to pack more references in. The Dune term is arguably based on the Kabbalistic term.

        8. Cybersnark

          Sort of an Ersatz Haderach, then.

        9. StClair

          boooooooo

        10. Deanatay

          *appreciative groan*

        11. Evil Midnight Lurker

          The Kumquat Haagen-Dasz, He Whose Fruit-Like Soul is Tempered to a Soft Consistency.

  6. Khaner

    Don’t you know Danny? Its okay, when its in a three way.

  7. Doctor_Who

    He and Sal may actually get along. After seeing this trick, they BOTH seem to share certain traits with Batman.

    Or else Dina has been tutoring him in “Appear Unexpectedly” lessons.

    1. Yotomoe

      Everyone shares traits with Batman. Except Danny. He’s more Jimmy Olsen than anything.

  8. timemonkey

    Dorothy was way out of your league too, Danny, didn’t stop you then.

    1. dailybrad

      They also lost their virginity to one another. Danny has had a lot of success compared to the impression a lot of folks here have of him.

      1. Yotomoe

        Yeah but he had to pursue her for that to happen!

      2. Jen Aside

        Well, the problem is now she knows better.

      3. John

        I dunno… we know that Dorothy took Danny’s virginity. I don’t think it’s been established that Danny took Dorothy’s. (Or that he didn’t, to be fair.) But for all we know, she might have given it up for snot guy, whatever his name was.

        (I’m now feeling sorry for a fictional character whom we’ve never seen and probably never will because his only claim to fame is that one of the important characters accidentally hocked a loogie into his mouth.)

        1. Jen Aside

          Would you rather feel sorry for a racist book?

    2. Blackbird

      Dorothy was out of Danny’s league? O.o

      Even if she was, Sal’s implied hotness is several leagues higher than Dorothy’s. We’re talking near-Jacob level hotness here.

      1. John

        Everyone is out of Danny’s league.

        Except Faz.

        1. John

          (Danny is out of Faz’s league.)

        2. begbert2

          Let’s see, Danny made it with Dorothy, was hit on by Billie, and has dated Amber. Seems to do pretty well for somebody who’s not in anybody’s league.

      2. timemonkey

        But all Sal has is hotness. Dorothy’s got it going on in every category (looks, personality, tolerance, potential for the future career). Sal may be technically hotter but Dorothy’s in league of her own.

        Think about it, Walky is basically goofy boy Sal. They look close enough to get mistaken for each other and pretty much everyone agrees that Dorothy is out of his league.

        1. The Weirdo

          True, true. But remember what qualifies as attractive in women doesn’t necessarily carry over in men. In fact, for the most part, the qualities generally found to be “hot” in women are generally seen as strange or unattractive in men.

          I.e. a slender frame, delicate features, and high hip-to-waist ratio, all of which Sal arguably has (due to the art style, “delicate features” might be a stretch, but DAMN that girl’s got hips) indicate a physically weaker man, which we’re hardwired as a species to see as “cute” (that is to say, something to be protected) rather than conventionally attractive.

          Which leads me to my next point, that being that I’m severely overthinking this and SEND HELP, PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I BELONG IN A MENTAL INSTITUTION

  9. AgentKeen

    If there was any way for Danny to guarantee complications with Sal, this was it.

    But it’s ok, he’ll Dan it up later.

  10. Kernanator

    Oh, that’s easy, Danny. “Joe Rosenthal” is actually a pseudonym for “Wally West”. Now answer his question.

    1. Yotomoe

      Joe is a Jumper, but only when it pertains to sexual situations. (Fun Fact: This is not the first time I’ve made this implication)

    2. Alex

      But Joe isn’t a redhead or black.

      1. Kernanator

        He dyes his hair, of course. Watch, in about half a year, his roots will start to show.

        1. Yotomoe

          He also dyes his skin. Watch, in about half a year, his ROOTS will start to show.

  11. Yotomoe

    It’s a real pain, she’s always juggling knives topless. It’s such a pain.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Especially when she drops one.

  12. Leorale

    Hee hee last-panel cartoony Danface.

  13. John Madden

    Amber is gonna see Danny heading toward Sal’s room, isn’t she?

    1. dailybrad

      Probably, and unfortunately, it’s no one’s fault but her own. Poor Amber. 🙁

    2. Johnny Slick

      “David Willis Destroys Amber, Part XVI”.

      DON’T THINK THAT I AM NOT ONTO YOU, SIR.

  14. David Herbert

    Oh yeah, forgot he was going to tutor Sal. Hope he gets his DS back.

    1. Yotomoe

      The buttons will be worn down to the nubs cuz of Sal’s nonstop playing.

    2. John

      I think he’s already got it back. At least until he’s done charging it for her.

  15. Fluffy

    …He gonna get it.
    Boosh ^~^

  16. Jen Aside

    So, wait–his comic says no nips, but there are TOTALLY nips on those dudes!

    1. Opus the Poet

      Dude nips don’t count, just like belly hair ain’t really pubic hair.

      1. Jen Aside

        So if Willis drew a dude-nip covering a girlie-nip, is that publicly okay??

        1. David M Willis

          The dude-nip would be cut off and placed directly on top of the girlie-nip.

        2. Jen Aside

          BUT IS THAT SFW

        3. Yotomoe

          So long as you don’t show blood, it’s just a simple nipple transfusion.

        4. KingMabel

          And we can all go to bed with clean consciences!

        5. Jen Aside

          WAIT WHAT IS THE (N)SFW DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TOPLESS JOSHUA AND TOPLESS JOCELYNE

          I NEED TO KNOW FOR REASONS

  17. JessWitt

    Joe really likes motorcycle like Joyce does.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      I bet he likes motorboats more. 😛

  18. K. Ivan Ruppert

    I wonder if the Danny/Sal ship has a chance in this timeline…

    1. timemonkey

      I could theoretically ship it.

  19. Cass

    re: the pinups: I actually kept thinking over the course of the last week “And that’s when Sarah decided to introduce Joyce to the dryer.”

  20. Shadow12000

    Well you see, he froze time for just a few seconds using his Stand.

    1. Yotomoe

      Your First kiss wasn’t with Danny, it was I, DI-Joe!!!

      1. princesscarlos

        You’ve won the comments for the foreseeable future

  21. MrSirk

    Does Joe have situational super speed?

  22. Darwin

    Joe can’t teach anyone math. He obviously doesn’t quite get how physics works yet. XD

  23. EvergreenFir

    Joe would introduce her to Yellow Journalism or maybe even Red Tops (only for the truly advanced)

  24. Idon'tcarenomore

    I don’t think he has to. He’s doing pretty well with it as is.

  25. Idon'tcarenomore

    the physics that is.

    1. Darwin

      He keeps breaking the laws of physics. Appearing in new locations without crossing intervening space. I’m fairly sure he’d give anybody but Planck, Heisenberg, and Shroedinger a headache.

  26. Johnny Slick

    It’s funny how this comic has evolved since Roomies. I swear Danny was the straight man from the beginning and something of the most likeable character (and, let’s face it, David Willis), but now he’s become f’ing Cyclops. And by that I mean the Cyclops from the movies, not the brooding “I CAN’T OPEN MY EYES IN PUBLIC” Cyclops of the comic books.

    I PRAY that Danny will do stuff that makes him half as awesome as every other character in this comic. Accidentally ruining Amber might actually do it. Come on, Mr. Willis! Make him go full-on villain! Give him Darth Vader chokeslam powers!

  27. Crumplepunch

    I prefer “discussions about Uganda” myself.

  28. -Sentinel-

    Why does Danny still bother denying that nothing sexual happened or will happen? It’s clear that Joe cannot wrap his mind about the notion of spending time with a woman your age WITHOUT having sex. If I were Danny, I’d just stop caring about what Joe thinks.

  29. Quinctia

    Oh, Danny, if only you knew what happened to the last guy that tutored Sal…

  30. dracorotor

    Wait… am I missing the point where he stopped being in a relationship with amazigirl? Last I remember he was still telling people that’s who he’s dating…

    1. takashid

      go check the tag for Danny, after all that stuff went down with Blaine Amber has been seemingly avoiding him (i dont recall seeing amber consciously decide to avoid him but they haven’t spoken in awhile…) and in a previous talk with Joe, Danny said that he didn’t want to help amber for the romance anymore but just because “she’s going through some tough shit and i want to help”. So i think Danny has decided to just back off and give amber some space, though he still wants to get her some help. The right decision in my opinion.

      1. Opus the Poet

        Given the time scale of this comic this could still be Tuesday after Parents Weekend, meaning they have been apart exactly 2 days. Hardly breakup time in college. I sometimes went a week without seeing my GF in college and she lived in the next dorm over (not co-ed in those days).

        1. Gigafreak

          It’s probably actios rather than time that gave him this impression. Remember, she ditched him mid-conversation when they last interacted (<a href="http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/04-just-hangin-out-with-my-family/wander-2/"and at the exact same location where he "dumped" her, no less), and then she ordered her roommate to block him from visiting her. (Not him SPECIFICALLY, but it didn’t sway Dina, so yeah.)

          Danny can definitely get the impression that “Amber doesn’t want to talk to me anymore” from this.

        2. Gigafreak

          …is there an edit feature. I do believe I just Danned up an HTML tag.

        3. StClair

          Not here, no. But that’s okay, the link still works at least.

  31. Tutor

    Lol, as a tutor myself looking for work… I don’t know how I came to this page but it seems very appropriate to my situation! 🙂 lmao!

  32. Tutor

    Oh, I remember was actually searching for them in my area and then I found this. Perhaps I “teleported here” haha… Made my day. 🙂

  33. takashid

    Third panel is why i still like Danny, despite all the hate for him on these comments. Boy’s finally starting to get his head on straight. I like how he talked about needing to deal with his own stuff before getting back into romance again. Despite what may or may not happen as a result of this new thing with Sal (and since this is Willis surely something bad will come of it :P) at least he’s going into it with a clear head and isn’t looking for anything.

  34. SergantAnthony

    i have a feeling joe would try to teach her 70-1

  35. Willoughby Chase

    Sal’s history of being tutored has, apparently, led to more sex than tutoring. Go, Dan!

    1. Chris

      True, but Sal considered that “prepayment” for a passing grade from a TA. That didn’t work anyway, and danny has no such power over her grades, so I can’t imagine Sal even seriously considering this.

      1. timemonkey

        She might just find him genuinely attractive.

  36. Historyman68

    Nsfwich sounds like the new breakfast sandwich at McD’s

  37. Gigafreak

    I tutored a girl math in high school. It’s not as orgasmic as everyone makes it out to be.

    1. Deanatay

      I did as well. Although nothing happened between us, I was crushing on her big time. Orgasmic? No. Developmentally rewarding? You bet.

      1. Jose231ful

        I tried helping a girl I like once she got out of there asap hahaha ;-;

  38. Jackson

    I like how Joe knows Danny well enough to use the word “romancing” where he would otherwise (say, for himself) use the phrase “having hot sexytimes with.”

  39. MO

    If Joyce is what you get with too much sexual shame, Joe is what you get when you don’t have enough.

  40. darchosis

    Hijinks Ensue –> The chicken-choking force is strong in this one!

  41. Gigafreak

    Wait. He thinks a former cheerleader and a motorcyclist are out of his league, yet he also thinks an aspiring future president and a vigilante superhero are IN his league.

    …Danny, what the hell do you think your league even is.

    1. timemonkey

      Granted, he didn’t believe in Dorothy’s dream.

    2. Gold

      Aspirations and accomplishment are not always guaranteed. In fact, quite the opposite.

  42. TheOtherDibbler

    I kinda want to see Sal and Joe encounter each other, she’d stomp all over him, but fail to ultimately destroy.

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