148

Two inches
Posted on February 9, 2025 by David M Willis

148 thoughts on “Two inches”

  1. NGPZ

    *plays “CLOSER” by 9 Inch Nails on hacked muzak*

    1. Proxiehunter

      I want to nudge you like an animal

      I want to feel you with my thigh

      1. Hastur

        I want to nudge you like an animal

        You . . . get . . . me closer to . . . um, wait, nevermind

      2. Michael Steamweed

        You let me hanky-pank you.

    2. Michael Steamweed

      That is the perfect song for this situation. 😀

  2. Sirksome

    The power of life and death is in her thighs!

  3. Animedingo

    Ok as an autistic person, a sheltered one at that-

    Doing something that you feel is taboo, can be very arousing.

    1. Queen Anthai

      I am honestly feeling so attacked right now

    2. Proxiehunter

      I want to say I don’t think that’s particular to autistic people, but I don’t have a non-autistic person available to check with.

      1. Yumi

        When I was wondering if I was autistic or not (I am), at one point I wanted to compare some of my experiences with neurotypical people, and I was looking around my friend group like, “Does anyone… know… a neurotypical?”

        But I do think taboo things being arousing is common across neurotypes.

        1. Jo_cubstar

          Lol we tend to travel in packs

        2. Michael Steamweed

          Just before the pandemic, a friend in one of my groups told us he was the only neurotyp we had.

          About a year ago, the same friend told us about his spectrum diagnosis.

          We were less than surprised. 🙂

      2. AK

        Finding taboo sexy is one of the most common things in the world. Have you SEEN what kinks people tend to have? “Oh no a man is doing a taboo thing to me that I would NEVER want myself despite my many protests, I guess I have no choice but to enjoy it” is like. An entire genre of romance.

        1. Michael Steamweed

          The reverse: Romance has a subgenre that is _not_ into kinkery (vanilla romance), while forbidden perviness is par for the course.

        2. Kazuma Taichi

          one sometimes must wonder if the hardcore vanilla crowd are truly the real perverts amongst us

        3. Taffy

          It’s best to assume that any given person on the street is definitely into being vored by Crystal from Star Fox, so if you ask them and they deny it, they’re a fucking liar.

        4. Casi

          I’m not into being vored by Crystal from Star Fox.

          I’m into being vored by Mother Brain from Metroid.

        5. SillyGoose

          I’m not either, but that’s because I haven’t seen (read?) Star Fox. Better go do some research, for science.

        6. Casi

          Also the Lucy gravatar is perfect for your comment lol

    3. Nymph

      Yeah I don’t think this is autism, I think this is just the human condition.

      1. Aquila

        Sure, but it’s about what the person feels is taboo.

        I doubt there’s a lot of neurotypicals who feel a need to go jump their significant other when they pour in the laundry detergent without using the dispensing cup.

        With Joyce’s history, though, she’d probably just jump the washing machine.

    4. furubatsu

      The added Catholic Guilt (religious sexual repression flavour) really adds to the spice

      1. Azhrei Vep

        Minus the catholic part, but yeah, that probably helps.

        1. Casi

          From my experience in Non-denominational and fundy churches, the catholic guilt is still there, it’s just rebranded.

  4. Matrix

    Doubt

    1. Lumino

      No balls.

      1. Opus the Poet

        Naturally, Joyce is cisfem. Those aren’t OEM for her.
        And shush spellcheck, cisfem is a totally cromulent word, like really.

  5. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    Morning wood in 3…2…1…

  6. Reltzik

    Yes, you could. But wood you?

    1. Sirksome

      How much wood could a Joyce choice grind if a Joyce chose to grind wood?

      1. Casi

        42

    2. ADD

      Into the flood again…

  7. ZombieKyrik

    I thought I had a gravatar selected?

    1. ZombieKyrik

      Aha! I do have my Sal gravatar; I was worried for a moment.

      1. ZombieKyrik

        Yes I’m a wimp, and gave up the gravatar rolling in favor of a static Sal picture.

  8. sultryglebe

    What you do with this knowledge is up to you.

  9. BBCC

    It’s a possibility!

    1. NGPZ

      very much in the cards, how sublime!

      (this comment numba 69)

      1. Needfuldoer

        Nice.

  10. Drakkin the Alien

    A tight situation!!

  11. Bryy

    Joe is only 2 inches?

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      When not excited, entirely plausible.

      1. Dara

        she hasn’t been awake for six hours, has she?

        1. Dara

          I mean, you know, just

          thinking about this?

        2. clif

          Possibly.

        3. Bryy

          You know what the best five hours of my life were to date?

          Sleeping next to my girlfriend.

        4. Proxiehunter

          Maybe more.

        5. Michael Steamweed

          Knowing Joyce? Definitely possible.

    2. Taffy

      He’s closer to two meters. Something like 6’3″.

      1. Opus the Poet

        ?

    3. Morleuca

      diameter flaccid, maybe?

  12. True Survivor

    Joyce you can’t touch a man’s business. This is 2025, we don’t do that anymore. We let them put their junk where ever they want and let them drill down at the local wildlife reserve.

    1. True Survivor

      In case it wasn’t clear this was a series of light-hearted puns about corporate regulation policies.

      1. Michael Steamweed

        I was…concerned.

        1. Reltzik

          Still concerning.

  13. Charles Phipps

    So what are the odds that Joyce seeks out Jennifer for sex instruction instead of Dorothy?

    1. ZombieKyrik

      Right now? I think it will be whomever she sees first.

    2. Mark

      I thought she was nervously, impatiently waiting for Joe to do that.

    3. Reltzik

      Low.

      Sarah’s the one she asks things of when she needs something googled.

  14. Suet

    New Album Title: Two Inches From His Business

    Huh? Right, what? Uh

  15. Schpoonman

    Aw, jeez, Joyce.

  16. Opus the Poet

    You could if you weren’t such a coward, Joyce.

  17. segnosaur

    Just wondering… wouldn’t Danny be in the room at this point?

    He is Joe’s room mate, and I don’t think he would be at Sal’s (because Sal’s roommate would probably be a problem). The only way he wouldn’t be in the room is if he had already left (or was in the shower) and it seems a bit early for that.

    1. Charles Phipps

      Joyce throws Danny out the window every morning after Sal spied on her and Joe.

      If Sal ever tries to enter through the window uninvited again, Joyce does this.

      https://www.shortpacked.com/comic/i-don39t-know-how-to-explain

      1. ZombieKyrik

        I need to find time to read all of Willis’ works; I have only read DoA thus far.

      2. SarahTerra

        Like putting out the cat.

        The cat with the hat.

      3. Sirksome

        I am so curious sometimes about what has happened in Shortpacked and other stuff. Why is Dorothy evil? Why does Sal have a robot arm? Why do Joyce and Sal hate each other enough to fight on rooftops? Why does everyone have super powers? These comics seem kinda wild and unhinged in a cool way compared to DoA.

        1. zee

          I only know the last one, which is that they were kidnapped by head alien as kids and given powers

        2. Hoboturtle

          You wanna know, cause I could answer most of those.

          Except for the robot arm. Don’t remember Sal has a robot arm. Think it might’ve just been for the april fools day bit.

        3. Sirksome

          I do, but reading like 2 decades of comics to understand everything is pretty daunting. Kinda like starting One Piece. I do have a bit of context. Like apparently evil Dorothy was possessed by an alien from a different dimension, because someone explained that when they linked the strip, but that gives me no context for why? Also I guess everyone just has powers in Shortpacked? Like superheroes I guess. No idea why Joyce and Sal hate each other. Especially since Joyce and Walky are married in Shortpacked so what’s up? I guess they just make terrible in laws?

        4. thejeff

          Most of the cast was abducted by the Head Alien (who appears in DoA as Dexter in the cartoon) and experimented on to turn them into supersoldiers he could manipulate and use to conquer the world. Brainwashing and manipulating people was kind of his thing and made him an immensely entertaining villain. Dorothy was possessed by a Head Alien from another timeline after this timeline’s was destroyed.

        5. Charles Phipps

          Joyce whooping Sal’s butt would be worth it in DOA.

          Particularly if it was Roller Derby.

        6. Sirksome

          So the villain of Shortpacked is a cartoon in DoA. That’s pretty funny. Was MM a bad guy too?

        7. thejeff

          Yup. One of Head Alien’s henchmen/creations.

    2. HueSatLight

      That’s Joyce’s room. The characters’ bedclothes tend to match their preferred palette. Joe’s is green. One of Joyce’s is salmon.

      1. segnosaur

        Hadn’t considered that it was Joyce’s room.

        In that case it makes it even more of a problem, since Sarah would be even less likely to give them privacy (on account of her being protective of Joyce.)

        1. John Campbell

          Possibly Sarah is in Tony’s room.

        2. segnosaur

          certainly a possibility.

          But then if Tony has a roommate where did he go?

          And there is also the question about whether Tony and Sarah are at the point where they might have sex. (I know Sarah is ok with casual stuff, and that she likes the fact that he accepts her even though she’s not ‘happy’. But I don’t know if she is the “just jump into bed on first date” type.)

        3. Sirksome

          Is Tony? As far as I know he has no time for buffoonery. Does that translate into being for or against quick sex?

    3. thejeff

      So? They’re sleeping together, probably clothes. Joyce is thinking about the presence of Joe’s business and maybe moving her leg to touch it, not about jumping him here and now.

  18. Rolf of Many Doors

    You’ve already handjobbed it Joyce, thigh it!

  19. poofdepoof

    This time skip is boggling my mind… Joyce was about to get a text from Dorothy and now we’re here??? What ?‍?
    Dorothy’s texting adventure had already been so drawn out, maybe I should change my expectations here ?

    1. Yumi

      The fact that we cut away from it like that makes me think even more drama is going to come from it than I was expecting… like, maybe Joe deleted the text before Joyce saw. And I imagine he’d feel guilty about that, and they might fight about it. Just to add on to the drama of Dorothy sending that pic to begin with.

      1. jpnr

        Joe would never delete such a piece of beauty from the world.

        1. Michael Steamweed

          Listen to Moray. She knows the ways of the world.
          😀

    2. Astariel

      Eh, this is just standard procedure. How long did we have to wait to find out what happened to Mike? Both times?

  20. DaveM

    [Invokes ancient trope, older than any here (including me)]
    “Slowly she moved, step by step, inch by inch” 🙂

    1. Puppeteer Nessus

      Niagara Falls!

    2. StClair

      … wow, that one was buried deep, literally took me a few seconds.

    3. Roborat

      I got that reference, now I feel old.

  21. AGV/Ruby

    Yesterday you said “tomorrow”. Just do it!

  22. IntangibleMatter

    I can’t believe Joe’s storing an entire store in Joyce’s bed, much less a fully functioning, properly registered one! Quite impressive. Don’t know why she’d want to move her thigh to it, though. Expect that’d be uncomfortable.

    1. Techhead

      Hey now, no one said the business was retail

      1. Michael Steamweed

        Joe runs his service business in Joyce’s bed.

        1. StClair

          and business is good.

  23. Freezer

    *whispers* dooo eeeeet!

  24. Puppeteer Nessus

    Don’t let your dreams be dreams!

  25. Warmth

    That’s an awful sleeping position Joyce.

  26. Bigshowgto

    I haven’t been in the comment section in years, but I remember there being a Plasma Mongoose.

    1. Taffy

      They got banned for sniffin’ too many bowls of radish stew.

  27. Charles Phipps

    I love how Joyce is sounding like Bilbo Baggins about the One Ring.

    “I could…yesss….why shouldn’t I?”

    1. ThomasQuinn

      “It’s mine, my own, it came on me”?

      1. Taffy

        You’re grounded.

    2. Michael Steamweed

      Now I want a Patreon or Slipshine with her quoting “My precioussss” and other LotR parts while fondling Joe’s…business.

      It’s for literary value, of course.

  28. CianM1301

    Joyce, in the immortal words of Emperor Palpatine,
    “do it”.

    1. Michael Steamweed

      Sith always come in pairs.

      It’s just polite.

  29. Shakes

    I forsee an accidental knee-to-ball surprise in Joe’s near future.

    1. Vukodlak

      For some reason I picture Joe wears an athletic cup purely out of habit.

  30. NinjaNick

    I think I could. I think I could. I think I could.

  31. GUIGUI

    I thought she was crying, at first, with her blue irises kinda looking like tears.

  32. Kyulen

    I feel like this is one of those situations where if the genders were reversed and it was a guy thinking about touching a girl’s lady parts while she was asleep, people would find it a lot more creepy. Even though they are dating.

    1. Taffy

      Wee woo wee woo Thought Police wee woo wee woo

      1. Sirksome

        I agree. Thoughts are internal. Actions are what matter. I just want to add context is also important. Cuddling with your sweetie who you trust and have both been openly communicating about how horny you are, it’s maybe more acceptable to take advantage because you trust and know each others boundaries. Even if their genders were reversed, or Joe was also contemplating on making advances at Joyce.

        1. Taffy

          The way things are going, I wouldn’t be too shocked to see her grab his hand and put it Somewhere so he could have a pleasant surprise when he woke up. Maybe not today (in-strip of course), but in the near future.

    2. thejeff

      But that’s why reversing genders usually doesn’t work. The underlying assumptions are all different. We’d find it creepier because the assumption would be that a guy thinking about it wouldn’t be struggling with his own inhibitions, but bypassing her boundaries while she was asleep.

    3. Hoboturtle

      I see it more like realizing that since you’re cuddling you can use your girlfriend’s breast as a pillow.

  33. ZombieKyrik

    Is Joyce feeling guilt for wanting to touch Joe’s dick while he is asleep? Or is she feeling hesitant to bring up sexytimes in general?

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      …yes.

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        I mean, actually, I don’t think she’s anywhere near being able to consider questions of willingness. In the sense that all of this is about what she wants and what she’s willing to do. If you suggested to her that Joe might not be alright with being awakened by a handjob, she probably wouldn’t understand the words you were saying. So on reflection, I suppose I’m saying #2 of your options. She’s not “feeling guilt for wanting to touch Joe’s dick while he is asleep.” She’s “feeling guilt for wanting to touch Joe’s dick.”

        TL;DR, I don’t think she’s yet reached the stage of imaging that Joe wouldn’t be OK with that, especially since she’s already … well, got him off.

        1. thejeff

          I also don’t think Joyce has gotten as far as “awaken with a handjob”, but is literally just thinking about moving her leg over a couple of inches to brush against it. Almost certainly through clothing.

        2. Jeremiah

          I am pretty sure Joyce understand the concept of consent.

        3. thejeff

          I wouldn’t be so sure. At least not of the nuances.
          Joyce was raised in fundie culture. Consent isn’t how they think about sex.

          What’s likely here is that the idea of Joe not consenting hasn’t even crossed her mind. He’s Joe! He’s all about the sex stuff. It’s her who has the weird hangups about it.

    2. Michael Steamweed

      I’m seeing it as a big conflict between what her hormones are telling her (“climb all over that guy; skin-to-skin 100%!”) and what her fundie puritanical upbringing has told her (“you can’t start stuff; the guy has to start stuff; you can’t want stuff anyway”).

      1. thejeff

        I think it’s more the “you can’t want stuff” than “the guy has to start stuff”.

  34. Arianod

    “There’s nothing stopping me. I totally could if I wanted”

  35. Rabid Rabbit

    …man. I didn’t realize that Joyce could bleed pupils.

    1. Michael Steamweed

      Panel 3, look how far up that left eyebrow is. Joyce totally has some independent face parts.

  36. Amós Batista

    Joyce looks so realistic and serious with eyebrows (4th panel). I loved it.

  37. Bruno

    And she’s being so strong about it.

  38. Mark

    Grah, took me half an hour to remember Step By Step.

  39. WAhydrohead

    Joyce does a foreplay.

  40. Michael Steamweed

    Panel 1: So adorable!
    Panel 3: Scheming arched-eyebrow Joyce is so scheming!

    Meanwhile, Joe is thinking, “Man, I really gotta pee, but I don’t wanna wake her up.”

  41. Sibre

    “That’s it, I’m just gonna do it. I’m doing it!”
    [slams her leg over and gives Joe the rudest awakening of his life]

  42. Uly

    If Joyce is going to insist on keeping her glasses on the bed when she sleeps, she ought to put them in a case. Otherwise they will get broken sooner or later.

    1. Bruno

      Least catastrophising DoA commenter.

      1. Nymph

        In the running for top twenty “frequently commented topic” though. It’s up and coming!

    2. Astariel

      These loft beds should really have a little table attachment or something. Where else are you supposed to put your glasses and book and phone?

  43. Valerie

    Joe does not like this comic being called “Two inches”

  44. Just_IDD

    2 inches will be less than 2 inches if you touch it. It is a side effect.

  45. Adept

    Has she been awake for six hours while Joe sleeps?

    1. Needfuldoer

      I think she just woke up first.

  46. JWK

    Want to see a man panic, Joyce? Just touch it.

  47. Rabisch

    I just can’t understand how anyone can sleep in that position. I feel suffocated even just looking at them.

  48. Charles Phipps

    *The next scene is Joyce covered in blood like Carrie*

    “It didn’t go well.”

  49. AnonGrouch

    Joyce continues to be Joyce no matter how much she changes.

  50. AnonGrouch

    Also for those keeping track at home, this also counts as plot and it could thicken if it really wanted to.

  51. thumb

    …has Joyce been awake for six hours?

  52. Michael Steamweed

    Hmph. 11:05p.m. CST. That buffer startin’ its hijinks again?

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