174

Confession
Posted on July 19, 2014 by David M Willis

174 thoughts on “Confession”

  1. An Average Loser

    Good job breaking it, Mike.

    1. Yet_One_More_Idiot

      Ah Mike….he’s just too kinky to torture. 😛

      1. blackhat64

        dammit, am I the only one here who actually HATES Mike?

        1. Lord Geovanni

          Yep though not to the extent that Mike can get away with I used to fuk with my friends like that too

        2. Rorror

          Well, I don’t HATE him either, but I dislike him. He’s probably my least favorite of the often occurring characters.

        3. bearpelt

          No, I hate Mike, too. I don’t quite get why anyone likes him in the slightest.

          What he’s doing here is also a form of sexual harassment, i.e. making sexualized comments in order to make someone extremely uncomfortable, etc.

          And before anyone comes at me with “she attacked him,” sexual harassment is not an acceptable response, sorry. Altho frankly I don’t really agree with her constantly literally illegally assaulting people, but I get the feeling that the comic’s narrative is at least somewhat critical of that aspect.

        4. de Combys

          In what way is it harrassement if he stops when she communicates her dislike?

        5. kkiten

          The only way anyone could hate Mike is if they didn’t read Shortpaked! hard enough.

    2. Hinoron

      If only this worked on real police.

      1. Lev La Tikvah

        Well, Have you ever tried it? I know at least one officer it would work on….

      2. Kra'ul Sheykhon

        Why does your Handle Link to Porn? Why is it Only Porn of Ranma 1/2? What does Ranma Porn have to do with Horny Mike? Why am I Asking All of these Questions? What have you Done to me R-b-rt?!

  2. Tunaro

    Still ship it.

    1. An Average Loser

      Any ship is salvageable in this world. . .

      1. Aizat

        But there are some ships that really needs to stay at the bottom of the ocean.

        1. Kernanator

          Excuse me, CLEARLY the word you’re looking for is submarine.

        2. Aizat

          No..I really meant it.

        3. Betty Anne

          Unfortunately, I’ve been on a few of those ships. :/ http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v373/cliodhnaglen/GoDownWithShip_zps6d1a95a0.gif

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        All you need is enough ping-pong balls.

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MOJN07XRYw

        1. van Jealous

          Almost as many ping pong as these….

          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7H9jbrzrbA

          (Action is at 57 seconds, btw)

      3. Kra'ul Sheykhon

        I’m Shipping Ruth with whoever will Make her Happy, Doesn’t Matter to me who it is, just Hoping she Doesn’t Die(again).

    2. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      Yup. This really doesn’t do anything to discourage the ship. Rather the opposite, actually. That is the most adorable Mike has been in…
      …
      … ever? I’m gonna go with most adorable ever in the Dumbverse. There are a couple scenes in Shortpacked that have it beat, not many.

    3. rachel

      YEAP. dat face tho

  3. Tobias

    Is “pursuing leads” anything like “journalism”?

    1. Jen Aside

      or “roller derby”?

      1. Aeron

        Roller skates totally need to be Amazi-girl’s primary mode of transportation.

      2. Camachri

        Easiest way to find out is to use the “with my penis” test.

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    Ah the infamous Too Kinky To Torture trope.

    1. Yotomoe

      That’s why “The Masochist” is the Girls with Slingshot’s greatest Villain.

      1. Aizat

        Wait…there’s finally a masochist villain? What took them so long?

        1. John

          Just as he was getting going, Rorschach threw him down an elevator shaft.

        2. Aizat

          Wait…seriously?

        3. Deanatay

          It’s been a while since I read the Watchmen, but it sounds about right.

        4. Black

          Yeah, seriously. I can’t remember the villain’s name, but he was a weirdo who always wanted to be punished by the superheros. Nite Owl just told him to buzz off, then he tried that on Rorschach, and he tossed the guy down an elevator shaft.

        5. Dreizehn

          Captain Carnage

    2. An Average Loser

      Considering Mike’s sexual escapades with various mothers, this doesn’t come to much of a surprise. . .

      1. roguebfl

        Sound like flat back hairbrushes were involved…

  5. Aizat

    Mike…you’re starting to creep me out…or is this one of Mike’s mind games?

    1. Darth

      Does Mike have any idea that Amber is Amazi-Girl?

      1. Aizat

        Maybe he knows…you can’t tell with Mike.

        1. Tandel

          In true Mike fashion, it’s whatever you don’t want him to, baby.

          He has quantum knowledge.

        2. Scubasteve0209

          I always assumed his Alien power was that he was the personification of the internet. It’s how he always knew the things you didn’t want others to know, was impossibly tough (after all, who gets hurt when they fight on the internet?) and has photos of your mom.

      2. TheOthin

        In Ethan’s case, knowing her before college was enough. For Mike, I’d assume the same. He may not have spent as much time with her, but he’s very good at picking up on things.

    2. An Average Loser

      You gotta remember that Mike’s a strong advocate of “Tough Love”.

    3. timemonkey

      Probably both. He’s likely being honest, but only because it’s weirding her out.

    4. zmm

      honestly I thought this was his power.
      always knowing what people don’t want him to know so he can cause the most annoyance.
      i mean hell it worked with a psycho brainwashed guy in Its Walky!

  6. Emperor Kiva

    Get out of there fast, use a smoke grenade if you have any.

    1. Aizat

      Or a flashbang.

      1. Darth

        Hell, a regular grenade will do nicely.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Barry Allen truly is faster than a speeding bullet.

        1. Aizat

          I prefer Wally West.

      3. Yotomoe

        Mike wants a flash AND a bang.

        1. JessWitt

          That interrogation almost became an interrobang. *wink nudge*

  7. DocHarleen

    Willis, you flippin’ tease.

  8. Yotomoe

    Damnit Amazi-girl. You’re the kind of person that’d get a man all riled up and don’t even have the common curtesy to give him a reach around!
    (Movie Reference. Kinda!)

    1. Aizat

      Hell, I like you. Maybe you can come over to my house .

      1. AtomsOrSystems

        I don’t want to presume what you were censored from quoting, of course. However, I suspect that were Amazi-girl to take you up on your offer, she should bring a supply of nickles.

        (Or do sisters follow a different pricing scheme than moms?)

    2. Mal

      Full Metal Jacket, I assume.

  9. Aizat

    Seriously…Mike is acting like the Joker…wait.

    1. sylvester crow

      Then who’s harley quinn?

      1. ShaggyDonahugh

        The Fez

        1. ShaggyDonahugh

          Faz* goddamnit

        2. Deanatay

          Actually, ‘The Fez’ is Faz’s supervillian identity.

        3. Bagge

          Nooooo Fezes are cool. Don’t destroy Fezes, Faz

        4. Adam

          If Faz with a Fez makes ‘The Fez’, then what does Faz’s Fez think about ‘The Fez’ being Faz?

        5. Mal

          That they’ve got nothing on The Fonz.

  10. MrSirk

    The funny thing is we’ll never know how serious he is about this.

    1. Aizat

      Again, he could be just doing this to mess with Amazi-Girl.

  11. Kernanator

    You know, I’m starting to think there’s a bit of an overreaction going around.

    1. Devlerbat

      Yea. It makes sense that Joyce would overreact like she did, but why is Amber…er…I mean Amazi-girl going so far just because of a bunch of inappropriate drawings?

      1. JessWitt

        She’s fighting the patriarchal system – as perpetuated by her own hated patriarch.

      2. Betty Anne

        Because she’s the hero her dorm needs, not the one they deserve.

        1. timemonkey

          WILLIS? Can we get this phrase blocked too? It appears every Amazi-Girl strip and wasn’t funny to begin with.

      3. Bagge

        Because a superhero needs to do superheroing, otherwise she would just be Amber in a costume. She DID lament the lack of higher quality supervillains, but this is what she has to work with.

        1. Jerden

          I find that if you dress in a costume to fight crime, a wide variety of supervillains show up to stop you.
          Some wear white coats, others dress in black and wear caps and have badges. Both try to lock you away. It escalated from there.

  12. Pyr05

    Come on. Pretty please? I’ll even put the gag on myself. I’ll tie my legs, just finish the job!

    1. sylvester crow

      I have some candles on the cabinet, and there’s a whip in the closet, just do what feels right!

    2. Papa Oleg

      I even got Blaine to come! Com’oon!

  13. astraea

    Heh, “I have some rope.” Classic.

  14. Katie

    It’s like Mike knows that in another universe they’re having some ridiculously kinky sex right now.

    1. Aizat

      Mike secretly constructed a viewer that allows him to see the alternate universes.

      1. Nightsbridge

        He uses this information to be a better asshole

        1. Aizat

          Yes…and then he will be the Superior Asshole.

      2. Cybersnark

        Mike is Walter Bishop?

        That would explain a whole hell of a lot.

  15. Dave

    I…am genuinely confused if Mike is really into this or he’s just being a dick.
    …
    *slaps self on forehead*. Oh well, DOY, of course!
    He’s being BOTH.

    1. Yotomoe

      His Dick is into this but his brain is into being a dick.

      1. Gigafreak

        He wants his dick into SOMETHING…

        1. Dave

          Likely your mom, I heard nickels when he hit the ground last time.

    2. Deanatay

      Screwing with Amazi-Girl’s head is so turning him on right now.

    3. Tenn

      “I’m whatever you don’t want me to be, baby!”

  16. vonnegut

    Trying to figure out if Mike could be any more sexually attractive. I don’t think it’s possible.

  17. Idon'tcarenomore

    Amazi-girl leaves, he’s too damn willing.

    Mike gets what he wants, per usual.

  18. kimmibeans

    I ship this so hard. Can we please have Mike and Amber be a thing in this universe, please?

  19. Aizat

    OK..that rules out Mike…right?

    1. Clif

      Not so much. You’ll notice that he said *someone* outdid themselves. He didn’t actually deny it was him that outdid himself. So to this point he hasn’t denied anything. He’s just asked questions that might be intentionally misleading.

    2. Sam

      it’s billy.

  20. timemonkey

    Sorry, Mike, Amazi-Girl has other random people to assault.

  21. Digit Gidget

    Kinky submissive Mike. Be still my heart!!

  22. MsSchiff

    Oh, he REALLY wants to get under her cape, doesn’t he?

    It’s the utility belt. Guys dig the utility belt.

    1. Aizat

      Not me. I dig ladies who can kick ass.

      1. Yotomoe

        I dig all ladies, not just the ones who kick ass. How else will they get out from underground.

  23. PAC

    If Mike isn’t the culprit I think it might have been Joe

    1. Ikaru

      Or Roz?

      1. Ikaru

        Then again… I think she would draw vaginas instead.

      2. Oxyvolt

        Can’t be Roz. The whiteboard dongs don’t have condoms on.

  24. boomwofl

    can’t tell if he’s being serious or if he’s just trying to get her off his case.

    1. Thom Yorke

      I’m a reasonable man. Get off my case. Get off my case.

    2. Sam

      Knowing Mike, he will always do what allows him to be the biggest jerk to somebody. So he likely IS being serious that it is a turn on, because he KNOWS it will squick out Amber/Amazi-girl, and thus fulfil max jerkiness at this time, but will also steer her to investigate other leads.

      In this universe, he uses his jerk side both to be cruel, and to help people at the same time.

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        In this universe, he uses his jerk side both to be cruel, and to help people at the same time.

        Which instantly reminded me of this…

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D80NLUcixPg

        1. slicedtoad

          dammit, I just spend 2 hours watching random kid in the hall sketches because of you.

        2. Kryss LaBryn

          😀

          Also that is the best face for that.

  25. Jen

    Squee! Mike in Shibari! If I had more time, I would do fanart of this. 😀

  26. Romanticide

    well it was good while it lasted XD

  27. OldFart

    AG now just seems ridiculous to me. The awesomeness and the horror are both fading away. Eventually the costume may be relegated to Halloween and the occasional sexy cosplay…but with whom?

    1. Aizat

      Hey, that’s what they say about Batman….and then the Bronze Age hit.

  28. Sarah

    I can’t imagine THIS Mike ending up with Amber, mainly because in this universe they have a history. Howeverm I can imagine Mike secretly lusting after Amazi-girl until he finds out it’s Amber.

  29. Miao

    I’ve seen the face in that first panel. It’s in porn.

  30. Rutee

    And now Amber learns things about her best friend she didn’t necessarily want to know. Also, herself. :3

    1. Rutee

      Third best friend now I guess. Man, she does not have many friends, does she.

      1. Pinja

        That puts her at the top of the heap as far as DoA is concerned. I really think only Joyce could be said to have more.

  31. Darwin

    Maybe she should take a shower before she investigates. Ewwww…

  32. jose231ful

    Masochism at its finest.

  33. Ancestral Hamster

    Actually, tie him up and leave him for the police like he wants. Mike has does something to deserve it, even if he is not the Whiteboard Ding-dong Bandit.

    1. Aizat

      Yeah…like sleeping with the commissioner’s wife to settle a bet with his son.

    2. Kryss LaBryn

      But then, this:

      http://wondermark.com/178/

  34. Marvelman

    What month is it in the strip? How many weeks into the term are we?

    1. AgentKeen

      Like a month-ish in? I’d have to do a bit of digging to get more specific.

      1. AgentKeen

        We’re 25 days in.

        1. Camachri

          And we’re still only in September. Oh dear, imagine when we get up to late october (DoA 2020: The year of Halloween) or even December

  35. Mass Confusion

    Mike: Ever classy

  36. Nightsbridge

    Hahahahaha Mike

  37. AgentKeen

    I’m not sure how I feel about last panel Mike. His second line is almost… too open for him? Maybe it’s just the more relaxed look on his face compared to the other panels.

  38. Horrible Person

    Wow, I’ve never seen Mike laugh before!

    1. Ikaru

      Wait ’til you see him drunk.

  39. acher4

    sooooo… BDSM?

    Ye, BDSM. 😛

  40. Chupabarbara

    I’m pretty sure he knows it’s Amber considering they went to high school together and he knows her prom secrets. I feel like this is to embarrass Amber with a truth-grain in there.

  41. Jacquie H

    Well, I’m turned on, now.

    Mike’s making me question my sexuality D<

  42. Starline

    I ship this so much. Any dysfunctional Mike relationship really. So all of them.

  43. Annie

    Why couldn’t have found a guy like Mike in college during my casual sex phase?! Damn, that sounds like it’d be a lot more fun than the plain vanilla I got stuck with.

  44. CianM1301

    So, Mike’s kinky. Who knew?

    1. Clif

      Or Mike can pretend a good kinky if it will annoy other people. Which is a form of kinky, but one we knew.

  45. Soap

    Wouldnt it be great if this lead to mike falling in love with amber/amazi girl and follows her around?

  46. Soap

    Also, ive never seen so many “i ship this” comments in the comment section before

    1. Ikaru

      Well, it is cannon in the other universe. I don’t know if it’ll carry over or if it is leading up to a new ‘Damn you Willis’ moment, but I still love it.

  47. Mystrana

    This made me smile and wrinkle my forehead in concern at the same time.

  48. Rabid Rabbit

    Amazi-Girl is mostly disgusted because she’s been out-masochised, having thought that she’d won the trophy back when she begged Sal to hurt her the other night.

  49. hof1991

    AG goes back to Clark and someone who reads the DOA comments section has erased all the evidence. The ding dong episode is all about AG coming to some realizations.

  50. MM

    Well, Amber, you wanted an archnemesis. Now you’ve got your own Catwoman!

    1. Deanatay

      Catboy?

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        Catman?

        1. Nono

          I believe Drew is Catman though.

          Mike can be the Joker, except less smiley.

        2. Ikaru

          He’s like, the polar opposite of the Joker. So…Snarkman? The Dick? THe….hn. I can’t think of a word that is the opposite of ‘joke’.

        3. Deanatay

          K-K-K-K-K-Catman Drew!

  51. Volkai

    Perfect.

  52. Samuel Larkin

    I love that promo of Amazi-Girl, and Batgirl together; please make a poster of it. Not only that, but my view of superheroes is highly influenced by Garth Ennis, so that is something of me to like that image you have up there http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=preview&id=8223

    1. gwalla

      “but my view of superheroes is highly influenced by Garth Ennis”

      Oh man, I’m sorry.

  53. Samuel Larkin

    And here is a full free issue http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=preview&id=13739

    1. Bill

      I admit, it’s going to take a while for me to get the images on page 7 — and the concept behind them — out of my mind.
      And I do also wonder why there is what appears to be a doorknob on a brick wall (p.7, first panel, far right-hand side)?

  54. Clif

    I can’t believe that people here in the comments section are concluding that Mike didn’t do it on the basis of Mike asking questions and saying that someone outdid themselves.

    Mike may not have done it, but Mike is also the master of misleading. If he had said he didn’t do it, I would believe him, but he never said anything of the kind.

    1. Ikaru

      I agree, I sorta got the feeling that he was inferring that it wasn’t him without saying it wasn’t him because it was him. A double bluff.

  55. Rob Carlson

    So we all knew that Mike would be the first suspect because it’s obvious, that it wouldn’t turn out to be him right away because it’s obvious, but I’m not sure how many of us saw the kink angle. Is he just being an asshole to make Amber uncomfortable, or are we seeing something of his inner life??

  56. Annabanana

    Now he is going to become Amazi-girl’s arch nemesis just to have her push him around the way he wants. Which will cause yet another wave of doubt and insecurity in Amber due to the whole Danny thing. Though I have a feeling Mike knows her dual life and just wouldn’t say anything so as to mess with Amber/Amazi-girl.

  57. Minder

    it shouldn’t be surprising that mike is into bondage and whatnot but yeah, it kind of is

    1. slicedtoad

      I always took him for more a sadistic type but it does kind of fit.

    2. Regalli

      Explains a lot about the Mike/Amber ship, though.

  58. Kugai

    I’d take a shower first Amber – after that, I’d be worried about where he’s been.

  59. Kathleen

    Someone on the Walky wiki mentioned that Mike gets off to people being assholes. So the whole bdsm thing is basically an extreme version of that.

  60. Em

    So it’s canon now that Mike is a sub? 😀

    1. Daken

      Mike is whatever you don’t want him to be.

  61. pumpkincat

    Mike remains a fave. I don’t ship ’em – if only because I’m highly curious to see how Mike would fare dating anyone else who he hasn’t previously been paired with.

    Hmmm. Joyce/Mike for the funny!

    1. Silamy

      Which one of them would break first? I figure that if they had to be together, Joyce would snap from forced exposure to the *ahem* sketchier bits of life, and Mike would eventually just surrender completely to Drunk Mike out of fear for his neurons.

      1. pumpkincat

        Who knows? It’d be interesting to watch, either way.

  62. NF

    Does Mike know Amazi-Girl is Amber? Because knowing that he is saying that to his friend would take this to another level.

  63. Timni

    Mike, please

  64. lipstick_suckerpunch

    I say that Joyce is drawing them as she sleep walks. All that repression has to be unleashed somehow.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

*

*

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.