148

Chattel
Posted on July 22, 2019 by David M Willis

148 thoughts on “Chattel”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    Those two live in a happy place down the street from Reality

  2. BBCC

    SYDNEY! <3333333

    I was wondering when they'd turn up again!

    1. TEi

      Is Sidney nonbinary?

      1. BBCC

        I’m not sure, but they’re using ‘they’ pronouns in their most recent strip so that’s what I’m going with.

      2. Sunny

        My guess is it’s like the majestic plural.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Much like Galasso is just “Galasso”. You know you’ve made it when your mononym is a household name; just ask Cher, Madonna, or Prince.

        2. Björn

          Can’t ask Prince anymore. 🙁

        3. Azhrei Vep

          You can if you have a Ouija board.

        4. Makkabee

          Or a TARDIS.

        5. Makkabee

          You can, but you’re less likely to get an answer now.

        6. Zero

          Not significantly less likely, I’d wager.

        7. Needfuldoer

          Mononyms transcend mortality and time. Just ask Socrates, Plato, Liberace, or Prince.

        8. Clif

          Eve, Madona, Hillary, Amazigirl.

        9. Author X

          The alt text also refers to Sydney as “them” so I’m inclined to believe it’s more than just them being grandiose. They also used “I” to refer to themselves in the previous strips, even when being overly dramatic, so I think this was an intentional shift.

      3. Woden

        I think Sydney Yus identifies as REVENGE.

        1. Clif

          Sydney Yus is best served cold.

        2. SgtWadeyWilson

          I’m not having weird mental images at all…

  3. AnvilPro

    Wow, having the one person look like they’re wearing the silly Marx brothers glasses only to reveal the normal guy is the disguise is a brilliant joke

    1. TheTJ

      Comedy at it’s finest

    2. Bicycle Bill

      So then, who — or what — is in the hoodie with the fake nose and the Groucho glasses?

      1. TheTJ

        Also Sydney Yus, the first reveal was a very elaborate decoy!

      2. DrunkenNordmann

        Somebody who’s sensitive about their real nose?

      3. Doctor_Who

        Can we be sure it isn’t just Groucho?

        1. ShinyNeen

          This is the wrong universe for Galasso to be resurrecting Groucho Marx.

          But it could be!

      4. Chaucer59

        Probably Faz.

      5. Dean

        The only way to find out is to vote for Groucho Glasses Person in next month’s Patreon reward poll!

        1. Nathan

          Now I need to sign up for patreon.

      6. Clif

        Mike. Mike is a master of disguise. https://www.itswalky.com/comic/jason-you-didnt-get-a-costume/

    3. Bagge

      Love it!

    4. Punaparta

      And I didn’t even notice Groucho there.

    5. TheHorseCouncil

      I laughed audibly about this visual joke xD

  4. BiOnyx

    Do They even HAVE mercy?
    In ANY reality?!

    1. BBCC

      These foooooools are about to find out.

      1. Stephen Bierce

        MR. T: Do I hear somebody demanding my PITY again?!

        1. DSL

          I thought Mr. T’s pity was freely given. Especially to da foo’.

        2. Doctor_Who

          Mr. T has pity enough to go around.

        3. He Who Abides

          Because it is his holy mission to spread it to every foo’.

      2. Bagge

        FOOOOOOLS!

      3. JBento

        And it shall be their undoing!

  5. Danielle

    part of me wants to tell sydney to dial it back, but im loving the energy

    1. Norah

      They wouldn’t be Sydney if they dialed it back!

  6. ValdVin

    Wait, the untagged one has a purple nose. I’m beginning to think that’s not real!

    1. Diner Kinetic

      I just caught that- Maybe Yus is in fact someone else pretending to be them, and the Real Yus is wearing the Marx Glasses?

      1. ValdVin

        We’d be reaching Mission: Impossible whichever-sequel-that-was levels of maskery. But then, it is a cartoon, so…

  7. shadowcell

    Dumbing of Age Book 9: WHO WILL LOOSEN THE GRIP ON OUR SHORT AND CURLIES?!

    1. shadowcell

      and on the back, THIS, I COMMAND!

      1. BiOnyx

        Shut up & take my money!

      2. tim gueguen

        Someone really needs to do some Cobra Commander meets Galasso fan art.

        1. Doctor_Who

          I want to see Galasso drawn as Thanos. Somehow I think those two designs would work well together.

        2. Clif

          You may have something there.

    2. Keulen

      DoA Book 9: Many Of My Henchmen Are Off The Schedule Due To A Nefarious Agent Called “Midterms”!

  8. Delicious Taffy

    Wait, who’s wearing the beagle puss, then? Also, “they” is new for Sydney? I like “they”.

    1. Yumi

      Willis has used “her” for them in the past, so I guess it is new. So that’s…interesting.

      1. ShinyNeen

        Yeah! Personal revelations going on all over campus! Woo!

        1. Regalli

          Let’s go nonbinary supervillain wannabes!

        2. ShinyNeen

          Yeah! … Which sports does that team play again?

        3. Delicious Taffy

          Bootleg water polo.

      2. Marsh Maryrose

        Am I the only one who’s noticed Willis’s twitter profile pronouns? (“he/they” – been that way for, I dunno, a couple of months maybe)

        1. ShinyNeen

          *Gasps audibly* The greatest twist of all!

        2. Yumi

          I don’t know that it’s great to call a real person’s pronouns/possible identity aspects associated with that a “twist”? idk, maybe Willis is fine with it; it just would bug me.

        3. ShinyNeen

          No, that’s fair. Sorry! I’ll be more mindful in the future.

  9. ShinyNeen

    Accursed midterms! They rear their ugly head again!

    Also, I like to believe that Sydney kept the apron. Because they knew they would have just such an opportunity, surely!

    1. DailyBrad

      Given Galasso doesn’t even remember firing Sydney, odds are, no one bothered asking for it back.

      1. ShinyNeen

        Even better! I can already hear their back and forth bickering, arguing over which of them is the fool.

      2. Marsh Maryrose

        This happened in Shortpacked!, too.

  10. C.T Phipps

    I wonder if Sydney is non-binary since she refers to themselves as “their”

    But that’s reaching I admit.

    1. DailyBrad

      I mean, it’s certainly possible, though I guess that’s not the exclusive use of singular “their”.

    2. Yumi

      It doesn’t seem super reach-y? Hover text uses “they” for them too.

      I guess there could be other explanations. There could be five of them.

      1. Sunny

        I thought the hover-text referred to Billie and Sydney. Billie’s back to drink, Sydney’s back to… Sydney it up.

        1. Kamino Neko

          If it’s the plural they in the alt-text, the other is more likely Galasso. But context suggests singular they.

        2. Sunny

          Well, Billie did sorta promise Jason she’d be back.

    3. desolation0

      At least as much a stretch as it’s apparently even less borne out by prior lore, there are multiple of Sidney Yu and they have made a club.

    4. 3oranges

      Sydney is sufficiently megalomaniacal that I assumed it was a plural, but a non-binary singular would work too.

    5. DSL

      I’m completely in favor of “they” as third-person singular for undetermined or nonbinary gender, but the Yus refers to themself in the first person at the start of their dialogue bubble and third person at the end. Would it not be “at _my_ mercy” (still nongendered)? Of course, Yus seems the type to both use the royal “we” and consider that grammar rules are among the rule that do not apply to them.

      1. thejeff

        Since she refers to herself as “Sidney Yus” in that sentence, my would seem out of place. “Sydney Yus finds you again at my mercy” is confusing. Somehow the “I” at the beginning doesn’t sound weird in the same way.

        1. Kamino Neko

          ‘I have waited for somebody else to have you at their mercy’ is a perfectly possible idea. ‘Somebody else has you at my mercy’ is logically borked.

          Sydney did change from the first person to the third mid-sentence, but that’s something I do a lot, often borking person agreement in way less reasonable ways than Sydney does here. (Neko was going to do that as a joke here, but I couldn’t figure out a way to phrase the sentence that wasn’t forced that could do it.)

  11. ValdVin

    Cues up “Fool(s!) if you think it’s over” on the hacked Muzak.

    1. fo

      FOOOOOOOOLS!

    2. Bagge

      FOOOOOOOLS!

      1. JBento

        Holy shit, I’m seeing double swedes!

    3. FacelessDeviant

      Fooools! (Now its triple)

  12. Mada

    I just checked the tags; we haven’t seen her in three years.

  13. DailyBrad

    Bit bummed Billie’s drinking again, given she seemed to be regarding last time as her “last time”. Then again, 18 year old alcoholic, I am guessing there are a lot of intended final times which lack finality.

    Also, I am guessing Billie will have to deal with Jason again, but I mean, this isn’t a first for her.

    1. CJ

      Final times that lack finality are what kills you in the end (with addiction as much as with abusive significant others or parents).

  14. Mada

    *them.

    Ack.

  15. Nono

    Wait why does Billie care if Lucy or Becky are there? It’s only Jason that she should be concerned about.

    1. Yumi

      Well, I think it makes a lot of sense why she’d be worried about Lucy. For Becky, too, there could be a lot of things, so some of it could be the age thing, but also word getting around the social circle about it and Becky’s general impression of/concern for Billie. Billie might want to keep up a front with Becky– much as she does with most people.

      1. Grant

        I think it’s because she’s already seen that Becky will immediately tell Ruth that she’s doing.

        source:
        http://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-9-comic/04-vote-for-robin/decade/

        1. BBCC

          That was my thought.

        2. C.T Phipps

          Which is not remotely cool of Becky.

    2. Dean

      A server who doesn’t know Billie is less likely to call her on her fake ID.

      1. Nono

        But they have to go to the bar anyway, and the bartender absolutely knows she’s underage.

        1. Sunny

          Not really. She told Jason she’d been backpacking through Europe before going to college when he doubted here totally-not-fake ID. He told her to go to math class and come back later if she really was old enough to drink.

  16. Shiro

    Total shot in the dark prediction: beaglepuss face is going to end up being Ruth, because green

  17. Loki

    Never answer questions about your employees’ scheduling to customers.

    1. BenRG

      I kind of think that Galasso was hoping that Billie would explain the whole thing to him. Not that he’d understand the explanation!

    2. Bagge

      Galasso is not a good boss.

      1. Needfuldoer

        I like to think Pamela actually runs the business, but she lets Galasso feel like he’s in charge because that’s just easier for everyone.

        1. Bagge

          It’s a nice thought, and perhaps she miligates his worst flights of fancy, but we saw him fire Sidney Yu on the spot, on a whim for a stupid reason. And as Loki pointed out, here he gives away potentially sensitive information about his employees to whoever might be asking. He is a bad boss.

        2. JBento

          And as evidenced by the last panel, he promptly forgot about firing her. I’m pretty sure Galasso fires EVERYONE on a weekly basis for one reason or another, and they just keep showing up the next day as if he hadn’t, do the work, and get their paychecks.

        3. Delicious Taffy

          Honestly, if I worked at a place where “you’re fired” really meant “go home for the rest of the day”, I would have so much less stress.

        4. Schpoonman

          Actually, he fired Sydney because she was really really bad at her job. He would have given her credit if she had just brought Becky and Dina the right pizza in the first place, but she was trying to cow them with a vegetarian and she failed.

        5. JBento

          Hah, “cow them with a vegetarian”.

        6. Needfuldoer

          Vegetarian pizza is such a con. Not once have I ever gotten one that had any vegetarian on it!

        7. Zero

          Aren’t herbivores technically vegetarians by default?

        8. Sunny

          She knowingly and willfully served the customers something they had not ordered. The customers complained. And it didn’t sound like it was the first time either. I’d say that leans towards the non-stupid side.

    3. Candle

      This was my first thought. In some places, he could get in a lot of trouble for doing that.

    4. Zero

      “Are they here right now?” is a question she’ll be able to answer herself briefly. It’s not quite the same as “When will they be here?” or “Where are they?”

      He even answered extremely vaguely about Becky, even though his answer suggests he knows where she is (if she didn’t tell him, he wouldn’t know it was unrelated).

  18. abysswatcher1993

    Am I the only one that had to look at previous pages to remember that Sydney exists? I guess I forgot their small role in the story.

  19. Chaucer59

    Galasso sure knows how to entice the customers.

  20. Rukdug

    Now for the most important question: Is Sydney using a sort of “royal we” plural, has Sydney had an important personal revelation, or is it both? Any which way, good for them.

  21. Circeus

    No she does not “still work here” because last we knew of it you fired her.

    1. BBCC

      Bold of you to assume Galasso remembers. 😛

      1. Circeus

        Probably XD

        Honestly I’m too distracted by the feller with the fake nose and moustache combo XD

        1. Bagge

          AND THAT WILL BE YOUR UNDOING!

        2. BBCC

          FOOOOOOOOLS

  22. BenRG

    Wait! If Sydney was the redheaded guy, who is Mr Groucho Mask? Ronnie? Historical Jesus?

    1. Keulen

      Ninja Rick? Walter Mondale?

    2. Bagge

      It’s Groucho Marx disguised as himself.

      WHAT A TWIST!

    3. JBento

      Three Squirrel Girls in a trenchcoat.

  23. Keulen

    Hooray Sydney is back! And who’s the other person in the Groucho Marx disguise?

  24. EvilMidnightLurker

    …Hypothesis which will win me no favord: Galasso and Sydney are performance artists and the ongoing Drama™ brings the customers back.

    1. Moon

      Love it

    2. JBento

      I mean, it’d keep ME coming back. As far as business plans go, it’s one of the best.

  25. Bagge

    Great, so then Billie only has to worry about Jason.

    …maybe she should find herself another bar?

    1. BenRG

      For some reason, I can visualize Billie singing “Set ‘Em Up Joe” as a scowling Jason bitterly complies!

  26. Bagge

    FOOOOOOOOOOOLS

  27. etherealdesiign

    because of the story we’re reading midterms will be an arc that lasts about 2+ years, which, honestly, is entirely consistent even with realities that lack a sliding timescale

    1. Schpoonman

      Even on my good days at college when time DID make sense, the stress of midterms was rough.

  28. Flame Warp

    I endlessly adore the fact that Galasso and Sydney are the exact same characters as they were in Shortpacked!

    Most characters have some of the eccentricities toned down or recontextualized to fit a more realistic setting. Most characters are not our rightful pizza overlords.

  29. Piotr W

    Okay, I have no idea what is going on here… Why is Billie avoiding Becky? What does Galasso mean by “short and curlies”? Why is that other guy wearing disguise? And why is yet another guy wearing a fake nose..?

    1. Sam

      Sydney was wearing a disguise due to being fired previously and dramatic effect. No idea why one guy has a fake nose on. Billie is probably avoiding Becky and Lucy here because they’d know she is underage so she only has to worry about whether or not Jason is the one at the bar. I can’t tell you what short and curlies are as I have no idea either.

      1. Nono

        To have someone by the short and curries is to mean having absolute power over them. Possibly because short and curries is a slang for pubic hair.

        In other words, Galasso is proclaiming that he has absolute power, and nobody can stop it.

        1. JBento

          That doesn’t match up with what he’s saying, nor are metaphors Galasso’s style – I’m pretty sure he’s referring to fries.

  30. Papercrane

    “Short & curlies” is a euphemism for pubic hair. Image for a moment someone suddenly grabs & starts dragging you by your hair. Being had by your “short hairs” is similar, just ah, it’s not the hair on your scalp that you’re being forcibly grabbed & dragged by.

  31. Khantalas

    It’s OK, Sydney. This is a safe space. You can admit you’ve secretly been working for Galasso under a carefully constructed disguise since you were fired.

    1. Bagge

      WHAT A TWIST!!!

    2. FacelessDeviant

      Galasso’s strikes me as the opposite of safe. Galassos is the Danger Zone that Kenny Loggins sang about.

      1. 3oranges

        Ok, but that leaves the highway there somewhat disappointingly ordinary.

  32. JBento

    AAAAAAAH, GALASSO AND SYDNEY ARE BACK! And it’s not even my birthday!

    The Willis giveth, praises be unto the Willis!

  33. JessWitt

    I was thinking it was Nash with the Marx glasses. Goes to show where my mind is at the moment (and how limited my imagination is).

  34. kilgaen

    Wait, so that other one is NOT in disguise?
    Well played

  35. wakeangel2001

    I like to think this is how she shows up to work all the time, she sneaks into the store wearing a disguise, takes it off with her “mua ha ha!” shtick, and punches in.

  36. BBCC

    So, after having some time to sleep on it and having a couple really nice days, I wanted to apologize for getting so growly yesterday. I still stand by saying there’s never an obligation to let things go but there was no need to get so grumpy about it. As some of you probably saw, it’s a bit of a sore spot, but that’s what thinking before you post and editing is for. I need to get better about that, and I am sorry I lost my temper yesterday.

  37. Victor Riley

    Okay, I went to a college in a very tiny town… the entire “downtown” area was a barely quarter-mile strip, on one side of the street.

    And we had 3 pizza places alone.

    Is Galasso’s REALLY the only option for them? Because I don’t care how good it is, if the owner is some third-person megalomanical-talking wannabe comic-book villain… I’d stick with the place with the guy that had the visible rash on his arm. (That’s not in this town, that was from my school. But he was nice, wore gloves, and the pizza was tasty.)

    1. Inahc

      Maybe people find it entertaining? Like coffee of doom! I mean I’d prefer a restaurant where I didn’t have to interact with *any* staff, but most people aren’t like that.

      …but also, narrative convenience. 🙂

    2. Questionor

      how many of those 3 places served alcohol?

  38. Robert

    I’ve always liked Sydney Yus, because they make me think of what my younger son will be like in college. Which starts next month. Eep.

    Galasso is so committed to his role it’s almost a superpower. Amid the noise and haste, he knows that this is his narrative and he’s the hero. I’m grateful to be as certain of anything as he is of everything.

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