149

Thank
Posted on July 19, 2012 by David M Willis

149 thoughts on “Thank”

  1. Jen Aside

    DAT MIKE

    =/

    1. G-Viral

      Mike is a fucking puppetmaster.

      1. David Herbert

        Batman wishes his gambits were that awesome.

        1. Nee Hou

          The JOKER wishes his gambits were that awesome!

        2. Jadedcynic

          wishes his gambits were this awesome.

    2. Charlie Spencer

      Chuck Norris wears ‘Mike’ pajamas.

      1. das-g

        ‘Mike’ pajama jeans.

        1. Iggy

          ‘Mike’ action jeans. http://www.denimology.com/2006/09/cn1.jpg

    3. Volkai

      Just as planned.

  2. Usayasha

    We love you, Mike.

    1. PhysicsLB

      And I love your mom.
      For a nickel.

      1. Tan

        Did you already know that was your icon, or happy coincidence?

    2. PhysicsLB

      By the by, i see this as an opportunity of growth for walky, and a much improved roommate for mike.

      1. Mirefrost00

        Bingo. Mike is “helping”, and gets to thoroughly enjoy being a dick about it.

  3. Mister Mercy

    Is he gonna cave?

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    HE KNOWS!

  5. Luke

    The nose does not lie. I called it.

    1. Tucker

      And the other shoe drops.

  6. Sensedog

    Well, of course he would throw salt into the wound. He is Mike.

    1. Yotomoe

      Mike threw his Salt into your mom’s wound for a nickel…
      I think that works.

    2. Yotomoe

      I think the effect would have been better if Mike swiveled around in his chair as lightning struck.

      1. Yotomoe

        whoops.

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        Mike needs to grow a Lincoln style beard and sport a pair of orange glasses.

        1. Kernanator

          Aw baby.

          Also, that is an amazing gravatar, despite me not knowing who it is.

        2. Caffienated

          heh, and it’s a guy too XD

        3. Kernanator

          You have to admit, it’s incredibly colorful.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          @Caffienated: So you knew that today’s grav was Ringo the crossdressing teacher from Uta No Prince-sama eh?

          GROOVY! 😀

        5. nitpicker

          Damn. Thought it was Daphne.

        6. Caffienated

          AW YEAH! \m/

        7. Plasma Mongoose

          Thanks, it’s not often that I can such a warm colour scheme even with my default Spring Green backgrond.

  7. Doctor_Who

    “No punch.”

  8. quix

    It’s weird seeing Mike being played as a tough-love force for social development

    1. JK9000

      Is that what’s happening? All I see is Mike being a tremendous asshole.

      1. LaurelRaven

        Actually, I think for a change, he may be doing this to help…I would explain my line of thinking here, but it gets kind of twisted, and I’m not really sure what to make of it; however, I believe in The Mike!

        1. Dice

          The “social development” here is Walky not wearing pajama jeans in public, and the quickest way to achieve that would be to not buy them for him in the first place.

          Nah, this is an abusive prick exploiting someone’s failings to make them suffer – either because they’re an easy target, or so he can feel like the blame is theirs for having those socially unacceptable failings rather than his for bringing them up.

        2. phlebas

          No. The development is Walky attaining some awareness that maybe pajama jeans aren’t all he really wants in life, and that maybe sometimes it’s worth compromising such things.
          If he never had the PJs, he’d still worship the idea of them.

        3. Reiku

          To go a step more, it’ll make walky realize not only the thing with the Pjeans, but that he puts too much stock in the tiny, wacky things, instead of whats really important.

  9. wynne

    Uh oh. That’s a fighting face.

    1. Yotomoe

      or a crying face.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        hateful teary face

        1. Yotomoe

          or he’s slowly evolving into a wobbuffett.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          That would seriously reduce his move pool.

        3. MikeSpader

          But he’d be able to retaliate like none other.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Unless he goes against another wobbuffett.

        5. Noel Schornhorst

          Ah… Wobbuffet vs. Wobbuffet– not since the glory
          that was Metapod vs. Metapod has a battle rocked
          the Pokemon world to its very core!

        6. Mister Mercy

          What’s funny is that it used to be one of the most used pokes in competitive play during fourth gen. UBERS TIER with Arceus and Kyogre. It dropped in 5th gen but still

        7. Aeonitus

          One does not know true pain until one switches Wobbuffet
          into Wobbuffet and both pokemon use Encore.

  10. Wonder Wig

    That pink curtain behind Mike emphasizes his evilness.

    1. Wack'd

      That pink curtain behind Mike emphasizes his eventually becoming That Dude in the Suede.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Pink? Looks more like a pale violet to me.

        1. marr

          Which would be called Mauve.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          The tone seems paler, closer to being like a mauvette from what I can tell.

        3. CWR

          Sounds like boys trying to describe beef curtains to one another…

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          AKA Gateway To Her Guts.

        5. Hannover Fist

          That is the least appealing euphemism for female genitals that I’ve ever heard

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          @Hannover Fist: I borrowed that euphemism from a Kevin ‘Bloody’ Wilson song “You Cant Say conga In Canada”

          Excerpt of the lyrics.
          Now, you can’t say ‘conga’ in Canada
          Why wasn’t I surprised
          When they said gash, pussy, poontang, beef curtain, burger, gateway to her guts
          …Gateway to her guts? What was I smokin’ when I wrote that one?…
          Split whisker, beaver, long-eye, front bum, growler, hairy lassoo
          No, you can’t say ‘conga’ in Canada
          ‘Cause ‘conga’s’ considered pretty fuckin’ rude

    2. Aizat

      Didn’t you hear? Pink is the colour of evil.

  11. SkepticJ

    That right there deserves an uppercut.

  12. Yotomoe

    I think the effect would have been better if Mike swiveled around in his chair as lightning struck.
    o3o

    1. Bekah

      Mike’s good, but his evil Weather Dominator is still in beta over at Cobra Command.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        All he really needs is a thunder sound effect on his MP3 player and some loudspeakers.

  13. Joebo

    I can feel your hate. It makes you strong.

  14. Plasma Mongoose

    So will Walky choose the girl or the pants?

    1. Yotomoe

      He and Dorothy should just share pants.

    2. Doctor_Who

      “I’ll give up my pants if I can get in yours”.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        That’s a classic PU line if I have heard one.

    3. Aizat

      Can’t he pick both?

    4. Jetstream

      The choice is pretty goddamned obvious to me, really.

      1. Yotomoe

        for real…them pants are way more important than some girl

        1. LaurelRaven

          Absolutely! I mean, PAJAMA JEANS!!! Right?

        2. lordphulish

          Solomon Grundy want pants too!!

  15. Aizat

    So, that was Mike’s plan all along? Genius.

    1. Melizza

      Yes, Mike is an evil genius….so smart and evil, I don’t know why he’s not the main villain of ALL comic books.

      1. Yotomoe

        He is. He’s actually tricked them to think that they’re doing all the evil and he’s just giving the heroes the advice to make the villains lose.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Sounds like an inversion of the Batman Gambit.

        2. Heimdallw32

          Augh, TVTropes, my only weakness! Alongside bullets, blunt and sharp objects, electrocution, etc…okay not my only weakness, but there’s an hour I won’t get back. xD

        3. N0083rP00F

          Don’t forget – wooden stake through the heart – is a documented weakness of the Nosferatu and me as well for some reason ….. Do I get those extra power points to my build now?

        4. Jackson

          I’ll bet Mike links to TVTropes.

      2. BigMadDraco

        It’d never work. Mike doesn’t want to rule the world or burn it, he just wants to laugh at it’s misfortune and/or do it’s mom.

  16. Lumino

    Mike knows the Xanatos Roulette well.

    1. NCP19

      Dude could be the new trope namer with just a little more work.

  17. Jetstream

    That is AMAZINGLY predictive dickishness.

    Mike is Clairvoyant.

  18. Cholma

    “You’ve got to be cruel to be kind, in the right measure…”

    Follow the lyrics to their logical conclusion and we find… MIKE LOVES WALKY.

    I ship it.

    1. AidenRyan

      Does it date me when I say I only know those lyrics from 10 Things I Hate About You.

      1. Linkara

        Only in that while that was also the first time I heard that song, their version is a cover of a song much older. XD

        1. Mrelegos

          See, for me, it was all about Letters to Cleo from that film… Excuse me, I’m gonna go watch 10 Things I Hate About You

        2. Cholma

          Okay, now *I* feel old since I don’t know the references you guys make AND I know the song from its original version. (Nick Lowe, 1979) 😀

        3. Animal

          Oh, cry me a river.

        4. Cholma

          It’s not my fault you’re even older than me, ya Old Fart! 😀

  19. Aizat

    MIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! *pan out shot of the dorm* MIIIIIIIIIIKEEEEEEE!!!!!

    1. LaurelRaven

      He tasks me! He tasks me, and I shall have him! I’ll chase him round the Moons of Nibia, and round the Antares Maelstrom, and round Perdition’s flames before I give him up!

      1. Ancestral Hamster

        KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!

        1. lordphulish

          From hell’s dark heart I stab at thee!!

  20. Historyman68

    BAM

  21. narmenduke

    So, a question (possibly inspired by the beach banner above). If Walky eats Fifty. McNuggets. (and all the tacos), how does he look like he’s sculpted out of caramel? Crazy metabolism, perchance?

    1. Blur

      Those bastards exist. I’ve seen them.

      1. Bekah

        My boyfriend comes to mind. Bastard.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      My theory is tapeworms.

      1. Historyman68

        Explains his lack of allergies

    3. AidenRyan

      I know a guy who can eat more than me, yet weighs around 100 lbs less.

    4. Dr.Z

      My soon to be brother in law is like this.

      I hate his guts.

  22. Jehosaphat

    Wow… Meet Mike, Evil Genius.

  23. Uniqueantique

    From the day Mike was leaning against the door frame and watching Mike and Joyce…….bam! Pj jeans. And I’m thinking Walky will stay sculped caramel on his eating diet …until he hits 30…instant caramel beach ball.

  24. CJ_Deadman

    Mike, not only does he know just how the butterfly needs to flap its wings to make a tornado, he knows exactly when and where said tornado will hit. True evil genius.

  25. Kernanator

    Wow. Mike, as always, finds a way to take dickishness to new extremes.

  26. Resne

    Cause it’s so easy when you’re evil…

    1. Zakrael

      … he does it all for free.
      Your tears are all the pay he’ll ever need.

    2. Yotomoe

      You’re mom is so easy regardless of how evil mike is being to her.

      1. Resne

        *Your

  27. Prodigal

    Well played, Mike. Well played.

  28. TexasUberAlles

    Mike is a machine. A beautiful, beautiful machine.
    *weeps*

  29. tahrey

    Wait, OK, everyone. Everyone who’s been commenting so far.

    Is Mike either:
    a/ psychic
    b/ just really insightful
    c/ presumptive
    d/ actually ignorant of what’s happened and would be saying the exact same things if Walky had come in looking chipper having not broken up with Dot
    e/ the overseer of a campus-wide network of spies who tweet him up-to-the-second information on what’s going on in the semiprivate lives of all his acquaintances
    ???

    Because unless he’s been watching through a telescope and listening with a gun mic from a window with an almost suspiciously convenient angle onto where the two of them had the argument, how is he to know they’ve broken up at the point which Walky comes into the room? He could be bummed out for all manner of other reasons, upto and including the corner store being out of his favourite flavour of cheez-its.
    (yeah, double “ou” there, mofos)

    He’s machiavellian, and quite possibly earth’s ultimate non-murderous jerk… but, clairvoyant? Nuhuh.

    1. TheLastOutlaw

      Mike does not need clarivoyance. One would assume he has a cell phone, we know he has Twitter, the breakup was public. Yea, I’m pretty sure he has the means to have the knowledge.

    2. Saru

      Presumably the whole reason he was so nice in buying Walky Pajama Jeans was that he knew
      a. Walky would wear them in public
      b. Dorothy would not stand for them.

      on a sidenote, did he start helping Walky with the pajama jeans before or after Walky started hooking up with Dorothy? I can’t remember.

      1. Jason

        Mike bought the pj jeans on a Saturday. Walky and Dorothy hooked up the next day.

    3. icepyrox

      Even if Walky had not seen Dorothy at all, Mike would have said the same thing. The fact that nobody would think they are as awesome as Walky thought they would be means he would have been disappointed on some level, and that would have lead him to have a reaction to his statements. It’s called Xanatos Roulette because no matter how it lands, same outcome.

  30. Dr.Z

    They are better then dating a control freak.

    1. Raoullefere

      Exactly. If not pajama jeans. it’s going to be the wrong shirt, or taking the wrong class, or getting the wrong grade, or something. Walky’s always going to have to measure up to Dotty’s standards, and sooner or later, Mike won’t be around to embarrass her arrogant ass into relaxing them.

      There are people’s Moms to do and puppies to be kicked, after all.

  31. Plan D

    Whoa… does he… does he know? Does he know what he did? Does he have magic jerk powers, like original flavor mike? Is he just guessing? Or does he just have great timing?

  32. Romanticide

    MISION ACOMPLISHED.

  33. PinkiePiecrust

    The ‘forward buttons’ under the webcomic are broken for the last few pages.

  34. Henry

    Oh my God, he was planning the whole thing. Mike’s powers are truly already manifested in college.

  35. Dr.Z

    I wounder if Mike is trying to manipulate poor Walky into going back to Dorothy, knowing fully well their relationship is doomed and this will only add to their combined misery.

  36. Dr.Z

    I also hope Walky punches Mike out cold. ‘Cause it’s always awesome watching Mike get his.

  37. Lieutenant Dan

    計画通り

    1. Raen

      I was wondering when someone was going to make a reference to that.

  38. Jererry

    Based on recent comments, I now ship Mike and Billie. May they be forever miserable.

    1. TheLastOutlaw

      I don’t know. Billie can certainly be mean spirited but she doesn’t show the ability to long term plan and I think lacks the detachment to be a true schemer which would make them a better match. But if you’re talking short term fling where Mike rips her heart out at the end I can ship that…

      1. icepyrox

        Billie is shortsighted enough that she wouldn’t see it as scheming and thus would do everything Mike wants her to do without fail. Both would actually be happy, Billie because she feels she’s accepted by someone who isn’t bad looking and not realize that he is the cause of her misery, and Mike who can always have a sucker for his schemes and/or someone to make them happen for him.

        1. TheLastOutlaw

          Heheh, now I can see it…

          It’s beautiful…

  39. Dr.Z

    I wounder if Mike will now move on to Ethan as his primary target?

    1. Erin

      Everyone is Mike’s primary target.

  40. Martigro

    I have to admit, I did not see that coming.

    1. Yotomoe

      You’re mom saw Mike coming for a nickel.

  41. davidbreslin101

    There could be a heartwarming TV series called something like “My Name is Mike.” Each week, he teaches someone the error of their ways through cruelty and manipulation. At the end of the episode, his target has a sudden flash of insight and rushes round to Mike’s place to thank him. Gushy music playing an’ all. To find… well, moms and nickels are involved.

    1. Maycroft

      Mike would be awesome as Dr. House.

      1. Lumino

        What an appropriate Gravatar.

  42. Spammy McSpamster

    YAY

  43. Charles RB

    Mike plays the long game!

  44. Arturo

    Mike’s like a self-help book written by Machiavelli. In arsehole form.

  45. mouseanderson

    Will Walky learn the error of his ways?
    Will Mike get a Beatin’?
    Will She take Walky back?
    Can I go on Forever?

    These and other question might never be answered.
    Back to you David

  46. Jehosaphat

    I am disappointed by the sudden change of my avatar.

    1. Jehosaphat

      Did this fix it?

  47. vlademir1

    Nice Batman Gambit/Xanatos Gambit combo there from Mike. Also nice to see that my personal suspicion that that ability had nothing to do with his powers in the other verse confirmed.

  48. Vanessa Johnson (@VredaJo)

    Is it bad of me to lol at this comic?… cuz I did.

  49. brumagem

    REVELATION: the true purpose of Mike is to teach important life lessons through being an ass-hat.

  50. Taigan

    I’ve said this about Shortpacked comics, but it gets me that Mike seems to have ZERO interests of his own. Everything he does is about other people. Either to hurt them or (very rarely) to help. But he never seems to do anything just for him.

    1. Rheios

      I think he gains a sadistic pleasure at the pain of their realizations, because he DOES make their enlightenment as painful as he can usually. So pretty much his interest and hobby is making other people hurt, uncomfortable, and potentially even self-loathing. That he has then manipulated them to change may even play into a power fantasy. Additionally he has to listen to less teenage drama complaining this way since he’s directed the trains to wreck in just the way he wants.

  51. newllend

    Wow mike, your assholieness has once again given some a reality check

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