250

Girlfriend
Posted on December 2, 2014 by David M Willis

250 thoughts on “Girlfriend”

  1. Jen Aside

    “WHAT ARE SEXUAL FEELINGS ANYWAY AMIRITE”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Danny seems very disappointed to find out that Ethan has a girlfriend.

      1. MrSirk

        Yes. A “girlfriend” that he totally wants to do things to.

      2. Kiggy

        To me he seems disappointed that Amber is telling him “You ain’t my boyfriend.”, although he probably asked for it with his danny-ing behavior.

        1. Kiapdx

          They were referring to the second panel where Danny is blushing a little and looking downcast and kinda mumbling about oh hey yeah of course a hunk like Ethan would have a girlfriend and not be the least bit interested back.

          And even the last panel isn’t the not-girlfriend/boyfriend thing? It’s the “oh hey my girlfriend doesn’t know that I think her totally straight ex is cute and neither does he and oh god all the secrets what do”

      3. MrSirk

        That’s actually a very good point. Kinda makes you wonder what Danny was thinking. Maybe date Amber and have a secret homosexual relationship with Ethan on the side?..The answer is YES! It’s called being “on the down low”

        1. caramelundqueer

          I don’t think he was so much disappointed that Amber said that in the last panel he was just being reminded of the charade he and Amber have established to keep their relationship a secret. He’s still her boyfriend and he knows that just secretly. But I don’t think Danny was ever actually thinking of cheating on Amber. Believe it or not just because you WANT to fuck someone that doesn’t mean you’re ever going to. Like…I don’t even get what the hell you’re saying here? Like Danny being bisexual automatically means he MUST be plotting infidelity?

        2. marr

          Perhaps Danny should pretend to date Ethan just to really throw off the scent of anyone thinking him and Amber are dating.

        3. Leorale

          There are clearly no drawbacks and this plan will never backfire!

        4. Pat

          If he’s not going to be dating Amazi-Girl, there is no longer a reason not to date Amber.

        5. John

          I think Ethan should date Amber again. That way Ethan has the beard he wants, Amber has a boyfriend who is not Danny (who is totally dating Amazi-Girl), Danny has a chaperone to keep people from getting suspicious about all the time he spends with Amber when she isn’t Amazi-Girl, and in private the four of them can make the beast with three backs in whatever combinations they want.

          And Joyce would be free for Becky!

        6. David

          Joyce is going to wear her size 6 strapon and cover Ethan’s back.

        7. djaevlenselv

          Surely you mean Joyce would be free for Dorothy, yes? Also, I can’t believe I’m seriously shipping Ethan/Danny/Amber now.

        8. John

          As lovely as First Lady Joyce Keener would be, Dorothy is, as far as I can tell, entirely straight.

          Dorothy/Walky/Joyce/Becky might work, though.

        9. Darkproject8

          Fuck it, let’s just have the WHOLE SCHOOL get shipped together, right guys?…..guys?……

        10. Shade

          I would say that Danny is feeling hella awkward right now. On his one hand, he’s got his girlfriend that he is totally not dating. On his other hand, he’s got the guy whom he may or may not be attracted to after having an innocently intimate moment with. Who also happens to be Amber’s ex, who to Danny’s knowledge is quite firmly straight.

          Plus there’s the fact that we have had no indication that Danny hasever been attracted to guys. Gay, straight or bi, that’s some heavy stuff to think about.

          So, wouldn’t you be feeling awkward in his situation?

        11. Some Unregistered Punk

          I’d bet he’s just curious.

          He’s a young dude that probably never experienced that type of attraction for male before. He probably hadn’t had friends or family that are able to show there is difference between an attraction and a sexual orientation.

          He’s just confused and curious with his feelings as all young people are at that age.

        12. MrSirk

          @ caramelundqueer Twas a joke my friend. Like I said yesterday and as it says on his cast page. Danny is all about loyalty dammit! He’d still be dating Dorothy if things went differently. Sorry if I offended the internet’s turned me into a monster. 0_0

        13. caramelundqueer

          Nah it’s fine. It’s just it’s hard to tell when someone is being sarcastic on the internet sometimes. There’s also the terrifying reality that there are people who actually DO believe what you wrote.

        14. adfdsf

          Being bisexual doesn’t mean Danny was plotting infidelity, but being disappointed that Ethan had a boyfriend kinda-sorta does, no?

        15. Rowen Morland

          That involved a different Amber last time. In fact double the Ambers

        16. Dorje Sylas

          If things aren’t addressed soon he’ll be dating Ethan openly and seeing Amazi-girl on the “down low.”

        17. Brakyn

          Well I do think Danny could rock a beard

      4. Phlebas

        Disappointed, or just sceptical?

      5. la6ue mous snow angel

        He might be upset that Ethan’s taken, but Danny himself is taken so I don’t think that’s his main worry.
        Danny probably is embarrassed because he thinks this means Ethan is straight, which is ironic coming from a bisexual (albeit one in denial).

    2. MrSirk

      Danny-“HA HA…Who am I talking to?”

      1. caramelundqueer

        He said the quiet part loud and the loud part quiet.

    3. Aeron

      I mean, what’s the deal with sexual feelings? Are they sexual or feelings? I gotta know!

      1. Knightsky

        Perfect avatar is perfect.

  2. Idon'tcarenomore

    Wth?

  3. liahansen

    “JUST GOING TO UNCLENCH MY SPHINCTER NOW”

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Oh shi-

      1. Jen Aside

        *buttsplosion*

        1. thebombzen

          Where’s walky with a fart joke when you need him?

      2. Yotomoe

        Or at least clench enough to hold the poo in, Plas.

        1. psudiname

          this comment chain has Plasma Mongoose, Jen Aside, and Yotomoe all in the same place. This would be the perfect time for one of those ellen degeneres style celeb selfies…

        2. liahansen

          Someday I hope to be an internet commenting celebrity. Someday.

          But no seriously, Plasma Mongoose is everywhere. It’s freaky.

        3. MrSirk

          Plasma Mongoose IS everywhere…maybe even RIGHT BEHIND YOU!

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          Internet omnipresence is my superpower. 😀

        5. Opus the Poet

          You are the Dina of the interwebs.

        6. Undrave

          Well as long as it uses the Gravatar system…

        7. Disloyal Subject

          Seems like they congregate in threads fairly often. (Hi, guys!)

        8. Roborat

          And it looks like everyone else is piling in. So does this mean that all the other posters are doing an internet photobomb?

        9. Slinx

          *bunny ears*

      3. newllend

        OH MY GOD ITS EVERY WHERE!
        http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8geLnpGmQAQ

      4. newllend

        OH MY GOD ITS EVERY WHERE!
        http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8geLnpGmQAQ

    2. Willoughby Chase

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCD7SAzWYwU

  4. Plasma Mongoose

    Butts Disease leads to Sphincter Clench.

  5. caramelundqueer

    Oh god poor Danny.

    1. caramelundqueer

      That’s a suspiciously specific denial Dan.

    2. Suitora

      If anyone didn’t notice, Danny was suckerpunched not once, but twice by Ethan’s statements:

      Obvious: Ethan (who he likes) has a girlfriend, and couldn’t like him back.

      Less obvious: Ethan’s second statement cut him deeper. He’s worried that Amber is attracted to Ethan and he doesn’t measure up. That statement confirmed his paranoia.

      I kinda feel extremely bad for Danny on this one and he obviously needs a hug.

  6. Historyman68

    Who are you addressing, Danny? The audience doesn’t believe you!

  7. dailybrad

    Shortpacked Sammich with Roomie filling.

  8. AHR

    WE ARE ALL STRAIGHT WE SWEAR

    1. Jen Aside

      STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW

      BUT HALF AS SHARP

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      In a Willis comic, that’s very hard to believe.

      1. liahansen

        Would it really be easy to believe anywhere else?

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Maaaaaybeeeeeeee. 😛

  9. Kernanator

    Danny is the best at lying.

    1. Yotomoe

      Danny is the worst at everything. Including being the worst.

      1. Kernanator

        Danny is so terrible that he loops back around to being wonderful.

    2. newllend

      Danny :”I am the King of lies!”

      Me: ” Does that mean that’s a lie too?”

      Danny: “uh…maybe”

      1. David

        I was not aware that the Prince of Lies was coronated already.

        1. Slinx

          “One man always tells the truth and the other always lies. What question do you ask them in order to find your way? The answer: It doesn’t matter, because I was lying about that rule, and both men will lie through their teeth but only sometimes.”

  10. Yotomoe

    “Maybe it’d be less awkward if I put my hand around Ethan too? Ha ha ha ha…”

    1. AgentKeen

      “Yeah, just a big group hug… with me in the middle! Like a sandwich, haha.”

      1. Tandel

        Your gravatar could not be better here. Its perfection is transcendent.

  11. MrSirk

    Yes isn’t it nice to share completely platonic friendship.

  12. Barf Ninjason

    Easy for her to say “unclench your sphincters” – she just took a big dump

    1. Yotomoe

      That was the fastest dump I’ve ever seen. And also in public dumps. Real classy, Amber.

      1. caramelundqueer

        She could have been peeing.

        1. Barf Ninjason

          COULD have, but from her posture on the terlet I really got that “waiting around” vibe that you really only see when people are trying to shit.

          …speaking of “real classy”

      2. MrSirk

        Hey! Women don’t actually use the bathroom or have bodily functions of any kind. They just pretend while in actuality they head out into a forest and secrete a small rose once a month.

        1. timemonkey

          I have cleaned too many women’s bathrooms to believe your feminine lies. Women are disgusting, in entirely different ways than men. I don’t even understand HIW you ladies manage to do such things.

        2. Catullus

          So that’s what menstruation is?

        3. caramelundqueer

          Yeah we just walk around and bleed on everything you love. Hey if we have to deal with this thing once a month for decades might as well have some fun with it.

        4. Plasma Mongoose

          And that rose is complete with thorns, hence the bleeding.

      3. chisci

        you know power naps where you sleep just enough to get rid of the immediate groggyness but not enough to actually stop being tired?

  13. Bob

    “HA HA HA, WHY AM I STILL SITTING NO REASON, HEY LOOK A CAT”

  14. Idon'tcarenomore

    I thought Danny and Ethan were a ship for sure.
    But, Ethan’s GF dosen’t need a walk home, who in heck is that? Not a girl?
    I’m lost, obviously.

    1. Dean

      Joyce is Ethan’s girlfriend.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Joyce.

    3. Yotomoe

      Joyce? That blue eyed triangle smiled bible thumping cute but endlessly frustrating blonde ball of fundie joy.

    4. Suitora

      Context: After the event at the party, Joyce is scared to walk alone, and asks Ethan to walk her home to feel secure. However, Joyce is spending time with Becky and she feels secure enough to walk home herself.

  15. DemonSomething

    Now I’m getting the feeling that even if Danny stays away from Amber, the whole *Ethan-senpai* thing will sink Amber and Danny for good. Perhaps it’s better that way…

  16. Rosicrucian

    Awww, who’s a giant ball of awkward? You are!

    1. A Scientist

      My experiments cannot yet confirm the “ball” character of these individuals, however, “awkward” does seem a likely conclusion.

  17. Opus the Poet

    No sexual feelings at all, nosiree…

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      They need some of that Sexual Healing.

  18. Linkara

    Oh for crying out loud, JUST THREESOME ALREADY.

    1. rmtsukuru

      OT3 y’all.

      1. Casey C

        i came specifically into the comments to deliver this message. i’m glad to have been beaten to it.

      2. Mitsukara

        I concur!

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Danny has dibs on being the meat in this sandwich.

      1. Linkara

        Considering the orientations of the people involved, that’s probably how it has to go down. XD

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Absobloodylutely true. ^_^

    3. Regalli

      What’s the ship name here, Ethannber? Dambethan? Damn I have no idea how to do this.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        I like Dambethan, if only because it’s comfortably similar to “Damn you, Willis!”

        1. Opus the Poet

          That requires a +1.

        2. Leonou

          I know it’s not a mash-up of their 3 names but the “SS BangEthan” sounds just right to me.

        3. Regalli

          Hm, yes, I like your logic.

    4. Kaiden

      Danny needs to pull a Mike:
      http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=712

      1. Regalli

        And here I was thinking you were talking about the last panel of this strip:
        http://www.shortpacked.com/index.php?id=1804

        1. Disloyal Subject

          I should really get around to reading that. Those are gold.

    5. timemonkey

      No, Linkara, threesomes never solved anything!

      ….well, maybe one time, but that’s it!

      1. caramelundqueer

        I can think of several movie/tv shows where threesomes would have solved EVERYTHING.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Nope, just changed the nature of the problem to something dreadfully unfunny.

        2. caramelundqueer

          Hey in the sex of the angels (el sexo de los angeles ) it ended in the most upbeat ending of any movie EVER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpqILZsAjwo. It’s on netflix everybody!

    6. BMunro

      I don’t think this is a happy enough iteration of the Walkyverse for that to work out, alas.

    7. gwalla

      C’mon, man, haven’t you seen Chasing Amy?

      1. John

        I think it was the pitch more than the actual idea that fucked that up.

      2. gwalla

        Considering Banky’s relief when it fell through, my money’s on both.

    8. Thomas Wrobel

      Heres hoping that’s your new catchphrase

  19. Historyman68

    Characters who are currently experiencing same-sex sexual lust: 4
    Characters Joyce knows about: 1 (her boyfriend)

    1. Yotomoe

      Amount of Things Joyce knows:5

    2. John

      I’m pretty sure it’s more than that. If no one else, you seem to have neglected to count Daisy. I’m not sure what she’s up to, but I bet it involves SSSL for someone. Possibly pictures of Amazi-Girl that she’s photoshopped a chest window onto.

  20. Ian

    Can’t get over Danny’s face in the last panel.

    1. Jackson

      Likewise. Someone give that man a FAAACE Award.

  21. Beachfox

    We Are Having A Great Time You Can Tell Because You Can See Our Clenched Teeth That Means We Are Smiling And Having Fun HaHaHa
    #BestComic

  22. newllend

    There are absolutely NO secrets here.

  23. Morty

    Well it’s a shame that they’re all platonic friends, looks like Danny unclenched his sphincter for nothing

  24. ShaggyDonahugh

    Man, this strip put everything into sudden startling perspective. Damn you three, get a grip (On eachothers unmentionables).

    1. winter

      Really, though. I love how much deceit has been summed up in five panels.

    2. Yotomoe

      I’m just imagining them on a bed, hands on dicks and tits…all unsure of what to do next.

      1. ShaggyDonahugh

        D: “I feel like we’re forgetting someone.”
        E: “Hmmm….”
        A: *sighs* “Fine, I’ll get the half mask.”
        D&E: “Oh yea. WOOHOO”
        AG: “Yea yea, help has arrived.“

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          …and the day was saved, thanks to the Amazi-girl!

    3. newllend

      That one of Willises special powers as a storyteller, he can make the story go into a direction that can end in a bunch of different outcomes and in the end he goes with the most unexpected one, its one of the reason why you keep coming back every night because You want to know what could possibly happen next.

  25. Khaner

    By the time Ethan and Danny are started, the sphincter is going to be clenched.

  26. ShaggyDonahugh

    Also, way to break the fourth wall there Danno

  27. brumagem

    I love the body language between Danny and Ethan. I don’t know why those two make me gush like a schoolgirl just discovering slash-fiction.

    1. David

      No comparison to gushing like a schoolgirl just discovering slash-nonfiction.

  28. Tandel

    Whereas False Equivalence is the best Shortpacked! and most important strip Willis has ever produced, this may be my favorite DoA.

  29. John

    That was very definitive! No one could ever be suspicious after a statement like that!

  30. winter

    Why are all three of you sitting on the same side of the table?

    1. Yotomoe

      It’s easier to draw.

      1. winter

        Yeah, it works well visually in the last panel.
        Makes holding conversations over lunch difficult, tho.

    2. timemonkey

      So Danny can touch everyone without it being suspect!

  31. caramelundqueer

    Danny seriously needs to find someone safe he can confide in about all this and hopefully soon. My vote is still for Dorothy.

    1. timemonkey

      I’m rooting for Joe. It is a sexy problem after all.

      1. caramelundqueer

        I think the fact that Joe’s a guy and his roommate might make Danny hesitant to bring this up to him due to the potential awkwardness it could create.

        1. timemonkey

          Danny and Joe have been best friends since forever, I doubt Danny could register Joe as a potential sexual being even if he wanted to.

        2. caramelundqueer

          I’m sure that’s true. But I don’t thin it’s exactly outside the realm of possibility for Joe to be a thoughtless teenage boy and assume that Danny admitting to same sex attraction would equal Danny potentially being attracted to Joe or Danny being paranoid Joe might think that.

        3. David

          Uh, we are talking Joe here. Joe would be constantly offended at Danny not being in love with him. The only permissible excuse not to fall for Joe is hunky hetero broship.

  32. cybik

    Oh Danny, you just outdanned yourself. Damn it.

    1. newllend

      Don’t you mean Dan it?

      1. Yotomoe

        That’s my Line, God Dan it!

        1. David

          Dan you, Willis!

          Man, that’s as powerful a conjuration as they come.

    2. Marc in MN

      Well, look at the poor guy in that last panel. Sometimes life truly gives him no alternative but to dan things up a bit.

  33. winter

    Aw yiss! Joyce just freed up Ethan’s schedule. Buckle down for a whole day of awkward trio time!

    1. caramelundqueer

      So Joyce is now hiding Ethan from Becky too apparently.

      1. Leorale

        If Joyce thought an atheist might be too much to handle, can you blame her for hiding her cute gay Jewish boyfriend?

  34. Boomwolf

    Smooth Danny, as smooth as Eth- I mean Amber’s skin. Yeah, Amber. I wasn’t ginna say Ethan… STOP HOUNDING ME!!!

  35. Regalli

    This is it. We have found it. This right here is the absolute pinnacle of awkwardness. Everything else is downhill folks.

    … Except that 24 hours from now, barring a scene change, it probably isn’t. FUN TIMES RIGHT?

    1. winter

      I’m pretty sure the last panel here signals a scene change.
      Especially since we’re scheduled to be in Ruth’s and Billie’s pants on slipshine in six days. Times a wasting.

    2. timemonkey

      Well, we could add in Joyce gushing about how much Ethan likes her and isn’t obsessed with sex.

      1. Nono

        He probably isn’t. Aside from Jacob, most of his problems are infatuations rather than sexual lust.

  36. Mandy

    With the exception of DNA, this is, in my opinion, the funniest DoA strip yet.

    1. Black

      I’m surprised an AI on probation knows what sexual tension is!

      1. John

        Did you forget her role in the whole Dale/Marigold thing?

  37. LiamAldam

    I didn’t think you could sum up their entire situation in one panel. Bravo.

  38. Em

    How. How is he going to explain that outburst? Or is that a speech bubble that only the audience picks up on?

  39. Shadow12000

    Who else smells a threeway? Oh hey look, Danny’s already sammiched in the middle.

    1. Jade

      A Danwich, if you will.

  40. timemonkey

    JUST FUCK ALREADY!!!

    1. newllend

      Just all three of just on the table, right here right now so we can settle once and for all.

      1. timemonkey

        Just one time, because they could never make it work long term, but one threesome to work out the sexual tension and get everyone on the same page could work.

  41. David

    Well, all are growing. There’ll be a foursome in just four years of the Dumbiverse (can’t well leave Joyce out, can we?) at which time I’ll be, like, 170 years old and will probably have mislaid the keys to Slipshine.

  42. Sam

    Someone edit the last panel to Amber suggesting a threesome to get rid of the awkwardness. I just need it in my life.

    (Oh OT3 I wish I could quit you…)

  43. Hoodiecrow

    Well if it isn’t the Amazingly Awkward Foursome of glorious Unresolved Sexual Tension.

    (Yes, I’m counting correctly, they really are four people. Two of them are two-faced as well.)

    1. Hoodiecrow

      (And, yeah, I know some of it isn’t 100% unresolved anymore.)

  44. FuryOfFirestorm

    Waiter, I’d like to order a BLT…

    No, not a Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich – a Bizarre Love Triangle.

    1. gwalla

      *hands you a New Order single*

  45. Robert

    Aaaand that’s when all the patrons who were sitting at the other tables all face palmed simultaneously and the pizzeria was forced to shut down your honor.

  46. BobaFett2

    Ship ship ship ship ship. I mean, sex is gross and everything (asexuality!), but it’s going to happen between some pair anyway and they’re freaking adorable.

  47. foolicus maximus

    hue.

  48. Calvin Coolage

    I feel as though Danny is ever so slightly breaking the 4th in the last panel.

  49. Clif

    I love how of the three, Amber is the open one, and she’s the one with the secret identity.

    1. Calvin Coolage

      The plot thickens…….

      1. Clif

        Yeah, the thing to remember is that Danny has no idea that Ethan isn’t straight.

        1. Leorale

          Yes, this. Danny is already a very oblivious person, Ethan specifically said he wasn’t gay, and now Ethan’s “girlfriend” is going to throw Danny off even further. Danny doesn’t seem to know that bisexuality exists, either. He hasn’t got a chance to figure this out himself.

          That’s the problem with lying all the time: sometimes, people believe you.

        2. Benjy

          Didn’t Amber tell Danny that her last boyfriend turned out to be gay?

        3. Leorale

          She mentioned that at least one previous boyfriend was gay. She didn’t mention which one(s), and Danny doesn’t know how many boyfriends she’s had.

  50. Tom T.

    Still depressing that Joyce does not feel safe walking to class by herself. Poor thing needs some counseling.

    1. takashid

      Yeah, that makes me sad. Joyce really needs to get herself some help! talk to someone about the rape incident instead of just pushing it down and letting it simmer till it boils over

    2. Gangler

      I mean, how safe is she really? The rapist is still out there, probably with a grudge, living in this very community. Feel like there’s only so much counseling can do to make her feel safe until that situation’s been rectified. For the time being, while her feelings are certainly trauma born, it’s also not exactly like she’s imagining any threats to her safety that aren’t truly present.

      Though I may be way off base here. I’m definitely speaking from a place of privilege on this subject.

    3. Yet Another Laura H.

      http://america.aljazeera.com/watch/shows/america-tonight/articles/2014/6/18/bob-jones-universitysexualabuse.html

      I absolutely don’t see Joyce’s parents taking part in the “being a victim of (intended) rape is a sin against Jesus and the rapist himself” mindset, but I could darn well see that if counseling in the circles in which she grew up included advice such as “taking a shower with the door unlocked and your father home while your mother is not invites his corruptness [sic], and thus molestation is your fault,” I can see avoiding counseling as almost a healthy instinct.

  51. Malchus

    Yet another glorious trainwreck unfolds. Delicious.

  52. takashid

    That last panel is like staring right at a train wreck in the making

  53. Orangey

    “HA HA YOUR BIG SECRET, YES, NO MORE SECRETS HERE, NOPE”

    Danny how are you gonna deal with this haha, you poor sap.

    1. maxlines

      Threesome?

  54. JessWitt

    Man, so many secrets. I’m getting a headsplosion from that last panel alone.

    Also, sphincter!

  55. Volkai

    Danny is not function.

    Not break yet, but Danny gonna break.

    Really hoping it it funny break with easy fun (maybe Slipshine, maybe not) fix, and not (overly) traumatic.

    1. potatoaddict

      That is the face of Danny’s mind imploding with the force of a singularity strong enough to create a black hole.

      A black hole of sexual tension. The best kind.

  56. James

    This is setting up for an incredibly awkward threesome, innit?

  57. Gangler

    Nice to know that Joyce is taking Amazigirl up on that offer.

    Am I reading too much into things to think this will lead into Ethan and Danny spending some time together while Amber is otherwise occupied?

  58. Starling000

    Willis. Willis listen.
    Save these precious children from themselves with an open relationship. Have them discuss the joys of polyamory. We will all squee ourselves collectively. <3_<3

    1. Bard

      Too late. Willis has already written out everything that’s going to happen to them. It’s all in his Book, no open discussion possible :-p.

  59. Deanatay

    “It’s getting kinda crowded on this bench…

    Whose hand is… thaaaa…?”

  60. averystrangeplace

    … And all of that was okay, ’cause it was in a threeway.

  61. 00dette

    Ohmygoodness the dynamic between these three is my favorite ;_;

  62. Black

    I swear if Danny goes gay with Ethan, I can almost guarantee that Amber is going to literally murder Ethan so that he never converts any of her future boyfriends. Can’t make people question their sexuality if you’re dead!

    …Unless your body ends up being near a necrophiliac, in which case you have the only example where being dead gets you laid.

    1. Gangler

      I’m sure Amber will be a little upset, but mostly I think she’ll just be glad if Danny can lure him back out of the closet.

      Danny’s a nice boy and she enjoys her relationship with him, but I don’t think she needs him. Her world won’t come undone if they have to go their separate ways at this point in the process.

      Remember that she was planning on marrying Ethan. They’d been dating for years, and friends for ever before that. She’s still very emotionally invested in Ethan’s wellbeing, quite likely to a degree that dwarfs her attachment to the shape her relationship with Danny currently takes.

      1. Black

        Oh I’m sure she’ll get along fine without Danny, but he’d be the SECOND out of perhaps only TWO boyfriends to go gay. She’d either start blaming herself, or start blaming Ethan, which could go bad either way.

        Blaming herself could lead to more mental trauma than she needs, and blaming Ethan could result in at the least their relationship going south and at most some possibly physical outrage.

        1. Gangler

          She seems pretty comfortable with the notion that some people are just gay without anybody being to blame.

          Though Danny of course isn’t. He’s bisexual, and likely will need some help figuring that out. Don’t know where that help’s gonna come from, but I’m sure the memo will make its way to Amber.

        2. Itama

          no.
          amber has ALOT of issues surrounding the fact that she’s had almost no one to support her emotionally most of her life. remember, ethen was her ONLY friend until now, and his breaking up with her then jumping back in the closet is a large part of why she goes around at night beating the shit out of people. even if she refuses to admit the connection to him she DEFINITELY isn’t cool with the present situation.

          now consider: amber isn’t really fully back to thinking of ethen as one of her supports, so danny is pretty much the only person she’s relying on. what happens if she gets “abandoned” again in the exact same way as before? what if ethen is responsible for his coming out? she’ll push both of them away permanently and accumulate AT LEAST a couple more red panels.

          in that instance, full mental breakdown is the optimistic result.

        3. Gangler

          I think you’re underestimating her. Danny is providing some support, and Amber is glad to have it, but she will not crumble without him.

          Bear in mind, Danny has not even proven capable of preventing her from making bad decisions so far. She’s made bad decisions, then he’s helped her to feel better about it afterwards. We know exactly what she’d be doing without him though. The same thing as she’s been doing with him. Stuff like getting violently confrontational with Sal or beating up her father.

          That aside, Danny is not the only support she has. Not only has Dorothy proven quite supportive, being equally instrumental in recent history to Danny. The community itself has taken quite fondly to Amazigirl and is chipping in with the effort even with drive by support while she walks down the street. Amber is far from alone, and she knows this.

        4. Itama

          she wouldn’t have gone berserk and beat up her father if he hadn’t accidentally used danny to invoke flashbacks of ethen getting held hostage. the fact that that comparison caused her to go berserk goes further to proving my point.

          and the supports you mentioned are superficial at best. dorothy is only an acquaintance, and really cares more about amazagirl than amber. the public don’t care about amber at all; amazagirl is the side of her that doesn’t need support, she can’t very well go to her fans to talk about her love life.

          also on the point of the fans, bear in mind that this is A) a willis comic, where such success exists only to be taken away, and B) even in a non willis comic, that kind of fame usually only precludes a fall from grace (a fall from grace that could be caused by excess angst from her only meaningful human relationship ending?)
          besides, the amazagirl persona is probably unhealthy anyway. it’s basically serves the same function as therapy, only instead of having a safe environment in which to heal, she risks getting stabbed every night. using amazagirl to keep herself stable is a terrible idea, and it is probably exactly what she’ll start using when she breaks up with danny.

        5. Gangler

          Danny’s superficial at best. What has he even done? Cuddled with Amber? Held her? They’ve known eachother for a month, and I sincerely don’t think he’s become the sole pillar holding up her sanity in this time.

          It may be easy for you to forget, but Amber existed before she met Danny. She’s had bad times and bad times and some good times. Sometimes Ethan was supporting her, sometimes he was in no position to support anybody. She’s pulled through.

          Her “fall”, if she has any, will not be the end of her. Yes, this is a Willis comic. He’s portrayed Amber before. Her rises and falls trended upwards towards stability, and even some of her “terrible ideas” had a way of working out alright. Her story ended happily ever after, badass at her job, married to a similarly traumatized veteran with an accidental but beloved child. She’ll be fine.

        6. Loki1001

          That’s not true. Amber was beating people up long before Joyce hijacked Ethan’s development. And if Amber can’t handle the dissolution of a week or two week old relationship… Well that simply means she shouldn’t have been dating in the first place.

        7. Itama

          i never claimed that ethen returning to the closet was her only motivation, only that it was a part (also, i was more referring to ethans coming out to her than his return to the closet when i talked about amber’s motivation, though i do think that aggravated things greatly.)

          as for dating… you’re right. she probably should have found a therapist instead of an oblivious boyfriend. she didn’t do that though, and now danny is kinda necessary to her fragile mental stability, so it’s kinda to late to go back now.

  63. OmegaDez

    I just decided Amber is the cutest girl in DoA.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      …and Danny has decided that Ethan is the cutest boy. 😀

  64. Halloween Jack

    Yes, it’s all very complicated and whatnot, but could we go back to talking about Becky? Because I don’t think that we talked about Becky enough. Furthermore, Becky, not to mention Becky. In conclusion, Becky.

    (becky)

  65. Milokin

    *prays for poly*

  66. OnyxIdol

    Hmm, speaking of sphincter unclenching, I immediately can think of at least one activity where that is tremendously helpful. But, being a classy guy I won’t mention it (it’s buttsex).

    1. Shade

      Sounds like Willis’s butts disease is mutating. You should get that checked out.

      1. OnyxIdol

        Butts disease is best disease.

  67. Double M

    Next Slipshine is gonna be a weird threesome.

    1. Itama

      next slipshine will be a sexy lesbian suicide pact. word of god.

  68. Michael

    Great. So Amber had her heart broken by Ethan when Ethan figured out he was gay and now it looks like she’s gonna have her heart broken by Danny when he leaves her for Ethan.

    Good God, Amber’s gonna snap and force Joyce to be a sex slave sidekick to Amazi-Girl.

    1. Clif

      I think your conclusions could be somewhat premature.

  69. Delimann

    Okay, y’all.
    As much as we all like the idea of poly stuff getting involved, we need to stop proposing it for Ethan. Ethan is not interested in women, and the amount of people in his relationships doesn’t change that.

    Don’t get me wrong I’m so so down for poly stuff in some form here, but the continual suggestions of a threesome or OT3 that involves Ethan and a woman having romantic/sexual attraction has gotta stop.

    Things we totally could have, given what we know/don’t know about these characters and their orientations:

    Danny/Amber (cute)
    Danny/Ethan (cute)
    Ethan/Joyce (no)
    Danny in two, separate relationships with both Amber and Ethan (yessss)

    1. adfdsf

      >Danny in two, separate relationships with both Amber and Ethan (yessss)

      That is poly, though?

      1. Delimann

        You’re right, it is! But it’s a specific type of poly relationship, which doesn’t involve Ethan/a woman. Keep in mind that there are poly relationships where the partners aren’t all in a relationship with each other, and some where they are. It’s the latter that I was saying we shouldn’t propose for Ethan.

    2. winter

      Seconding adfdsf’s comment.

      But, apart from that, while Ethan might not be interested sexually in woman, I don’t think he’s necessarily incapable of romantic interest towards women. He said just recently he wished he could stay with and protect Amber forever.
      And a threesome would not nessesarily require Ethan to be sexual with Amber as much as be sexual in Amber’s presence. There’s a good chance he might never be comfortable with that, and that’s fine, but I don’t think it’s a definite impossibility that he would be comfortable enough with Amber to be naked around her and snuggle every so often imbetween screwing Danny.

      1. winter

        tl;dr
        Naked lady may never get you going, but that doesn’t make it automatic boner killer.

        1. timemonkey

          Lady parts usually are boner killers for gay dudes

        2. winter

          I’ve heard alot of gay guys say otherwise.
          There’s a big difference between “it’s not doing anything for me” and “gross, gross, gross”.
          Ethan seemed to be the former in Shortpacked to me, and it’s not as if he’d have to get his face all up in them.

        3. Thomas Wrobel

          Your conversation here reminds me of this song;
          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7n39RzgVNP8

      2. Delimann

        Unsure how to feel about this. While I agree it’s important we recognize that romantic orientation and sexual orientation can differ, I get nervous that these sorts of arguments lean towards gay erasure in character. Don’t know if that made sense, I didn’t sleep much.

        Also, @timemonkey: I know what you’re trying to get at but keep in mind that’s a pretty cisnormative frame of thinking, you know?

  70. Vree

    They told you.
    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2010/comic/book-1/01-move-in-day/gay/

  71. adfdsf

    Ok, this is why the poly thing won’t happen:

    Danny’s hopefully not actually planning to cheat on Amber. Which means, his response to Ethan having a girlfriend is a gut-level disappointment, not just the usual implicit assumption that monogamous people are taken. Which means, at a gut level, Danny is a jealousy person.

    Basically, Danny just revealed his relationship-orientation to us in this panel. Ethan and Amber might still be poly people, but Danny won’t be able to do it – at least not without a struggle.

    1. adfdsf

      Although I suppose he could still be at the center of the group and it could be an otherwise closed relationship, since jealousy and only-wanting-one are separate things.

    2. winter

      I’m not saying that Danny’s def not jealous, but I don’t really see it here. I thought it was gut-level disappointment based on the implicit assumption that monogamous people are taken.
      Something like: “Oh. You’re taken. And like girls. Which means you would never date me. Even though I would never cheat on Amber even if you weren’t. So it’s not happening… :(” No particularly jealous thoughts required.

      1. Leorale

        Yeah, Winter’s is how I read it, too.

  72. Frost Magi

    I don’t want the poly thing to happen. And this basically tells us that Amber, yet wanting to date/be with Danny, doesn’t at the same time. In essence, Danny is definitely going to end up with Ethan in the near future, or at least he’d better. These two have basically been a ship waiting to become reality since Ethan saved Danny from going to the hospital due to Carla being reckless on her rollerskates.

  73. Thane

    Only Danny could further fuck stuff up by being bisexual.

  74. zebrathinker

    ROCKS BACK AND FORTH

    daaaannnnyyyyyyyy
    DAAAAANNNNNNYYYY

    my child

  75. la6ue mous snow angel

    Danny, you know you could tell Amber that Ethan knows you’re dating her.
    Although Ethan would have to tell her that you know that he knows Amber is Amazigirl.
    And then Amber would probably be mad at you for sharing the secret… but I think Ethan was the one who said it first, so then she’d be mad at him. And then I guess you’d both try to defend each other… and things might get a little heated… if you get what I’m saying….
    Yeah, maybe it’s not worth the trouble. heheh *’~’*

  76. Slinx

    Hey, good news, in his total awkwardness, I think Danny as come to terms with being sexually attracted to two people of opposite genders. Maybe he realizes bisexuality is a thing? Because I know bisexuality has a reputation for being invisible, but it is particularly sad when it is invisible even to the bisexuals. Oh, also: shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip.

  77. Adam Black

    This page is funny because Danny is now double-closeted,
    when he cant stand keeping a secret

  78. Timni

    *sccrrreeeAAAMMMMSSSS IN THE DISTANCE* JUST DATE EACH OTHER. DATE EVERYONE.

  79. Tunasammich

    Just my prediction which I’m sure will be 200% wrong somehow —
    Danny and Amber will end up breaking up because having a girlfriend you cannot go anywhere with and who will not allow you to recognize her as your gf in public is a recipe for disaster.
    Danny will continue to be friends with Ethan and come out as bi to him, sending Ethan into a tailspin of suddenly wishing he wasn’t closeted
    Becky will tell Joyce she’s had feelings for her and Joyce will be surprisingly cool about it and love Becky anyway and have an epiphany about it and tell Ethan he should be himself
    Danny and Ethan will totally get together and be cute

    1. Frost Magi

      Please for the love of god be correct <3

      1. Frost Magi

        Forgot to mention, where is your Gravatar picture from Tuna? It looks like Marvin the Martian’s girlfriend or something. It looks very familiar.

        1. Tunasammich

          It’s from the short-lived Duck Dodgers cartoon, she’s the Martian Queen

        2. Frost Magi

          Ah, I thought she looked familiar. Thank you 🙂

  80. roamingjaguar

    Definite OT3, I love any reason to ship polyamoury

  81. richard

    well that’s a threesome waiting to happen

  82. flareonflare

    BRING ON THE BISEXUAL ANGST

    cant wait for it to make me blubber like a baby

    i dont even know why i even read or watch anything with any romantic relationships in it, its like i like akward sad heartbreak or something

    probably just need to admit im an emotional masochist and move on

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