188

Dirtbag
Posted on May 6, 2023 by David M Willis
Today, May 6, is Free Comic Book Day!  From 2pm through 4pm, you can find me at The Laughing Ogre here in Columbus, Ohio!  After grabbing a free comic book, come see me at my table!

188 thoughts on “Dirtbag”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    they become NEETs

    …

    or, idk, get hit by the Isekai Lottery Truck

    …

    vidya gamez?

    (psst, what’s a normal people)

    1. Masumi

      No idea what’s a normal people but these seem like good options

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Normal means perpendicular to a flat surface, so if you are standing up straight like your mother told you, you’re normal.

      1. Alaric

        Finally! A definition that actually makes sense!

      2. Michael

        I thought normal meant described by two statistical parameters, which also happen to be mean and variance of that distribution.

      3. HueSatLight

        Going off on a tangent, but curves and curved surfaces have normals too. But I get your point.

        1. jflb96

          A tangent is pretty much the opposite of a normal

        2. Alaric

          But a line normal to the tangent of a curve at a given point can be considered normal to the curve at that point.

    3. Kyrik Michalowski

      I would love to get hit by the isekai Truck, even if the odds are only 50/50 on isekai or death.

      1. Queen Anthai

        I’ve copyedited so many effing isekai light novels that I know why the truck is a trope >.<

        1. Andy

          I’m definitely curious why it’s a trope. Because the story needs a sudden, traumatic event to launch the protagonist into the other world, and leaves no way for anyone else to follow?

        2. Queen Anthai

          It doesn’t necessarily need to be traumatic, nor even explained well. A good chunk of isekai begins with “I fell asleep playing my video game and now I’m the villainess/duchess/skeleton knight from the game!” or what have you. But yeah, the other half of the time? It is a LITERAL TRUCK.

        3. Roborat

          I ran across one isekai where the protagonist was the truck driver doing the harvesting.

    4. Yotomoe

      I’m almost a NEET, if it wasn’t for this DAMN JOB.

      1. Decidedly Orthogonal

        wassa NEET?

        1. Jay

          NEET: Not in Employment, Education, or Training.

          With subtextual vibes of “shut-in” or hikikomori.

        2. Yotomoe

          Not Employed, in Education, or Training.
          No job, not in school and not preparing to do either.

        3. NGPZ

          Would it still count as NEET if your job is making video games? ?

        4. Taffy

          From what I’ve gathered over the years, the main difference is that instead of starving, working on a project nearly 24/7, and slowly going insane, game dev gives you the opportunity to do all of that and also get screamed at/punched by Randy Pitchford.

        5. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          If you get a paycheck for it or have a reasonable prospect of getting paid for it in the near future, no. If you’re working on some passion project you pretend will make you rich someday, yes.

        6. NGPZ

          I’m doing both kinda? Minus pretending my passion projects will make me rich, as they are for the time being Dumbing of Age games. For the time being I’m probably making less money than my local ice cream truck driver.

          It’s nice, low-stress work tho. I help people bring their dream games to life, a joy in and of itself. Also the games I make help people recharge and relax in tough times, so in a way I’m doing the same kinda work a therapist / psychiatrist does without 12 years in school and a mountain of debt.

        7. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          I’m getting up on my high horse and saying no, you aren’t a NEET. You are working for income. It doesn’t matter for this purpose if it is a good or bad job, not using your full potential, etc.

          NEET seems to be mostly a way to be a vague and non-judgemental way of talking about lazy bums, slackers, people with mental illness, and anyone else who isn’t meeting the traditional standards of “being a proper productive member of society.”

          [Disclaimer: I’m not a expert on anything relevant. This is not useful advice for much of anything.]

        8. Mark

          A chemical depilatory product from ‘way back.

        9. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          Not to be confused with Pssst.

    5. ktbear

      Normal is what 51% of the population says it is, so not me. And I’m just guessing here, but prolly none of us. Took me a while to realise you weren’t talking about a National Eligibility cum Entrance Test…

    6. Nicoleandmaggie

      Video games!!

      1. Nicoleandmaggie

        Oh no not Robin

    7. Stephen Nedland

      But Joe did not ask, “what do normal people do”, he asked, “what do regular people do”, and those two things should never be interchanged for each other. Regular, just describes a constant, repeatable, set of patterns. That can include behavioral patterns that people do.

      1. HueSatLight

        like eating raisin bran every morning.

      2. Ana Chronistic

        I meant regular and forgot and put normal in instead but too late to change oh well

  2. Tan

    Because if there’s one thing cocaine is known for, it’s for its users becoming calm and rational beings who do not make bad decisions that would negatively affect their loved ones.

    1. Tan

      (the second thing is a traditional cola recipe)

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        I have never had any urge to try cocaine, I’m more of a cannabis consumer, but I have always wanted to try original cola with the cocaine in it.

        1. Rose by Any Other Name

          Yeah, marijuana is harmless enough that it’s been the only recreational drug aside from alcohol I have ever had any desire to try.
          And, when it became legal, I did so.
          It had no immediate effect on me. However, when I went to sleep, I dreamt in color for the first (and only) time. So that was neat.

        2. ktbear

          “Harmless enough” if you’re an adult but all the adults I know were perfectly happy to smoke it round their kids, happy to provide somewhere where their kids could smoke it and happy to buy it for their kid to share with their pregnant girlfriend. Oh, and kept wanting to borrow money from me to pay for it. We are no longer friends.

        3. NGPZ

          Okay, now that’s irresponsible AF. But still it really makes no sense to blame the drug itself.

          I’m much in favor of it getting legalized because it saves lives (mine included, also a strain I’m taking is almost as effective for me as Ritalin and a life savor during the nationwide ADHD med shortage), and no matter what kids and adults are always gonna find ways to get legal highs that are much more dangerous. Regardless of whether weed is legalized, there’s always gonna be a careless adult who gives their kid Benadryl and the tiktoker teen who drinks two whole bottles of it.

        4. Taffy

          If you’re giving your kid two bottles of Benadryl to drink for TikTok, instead of being a parent and stopping them, you deserve whatever negative consequences arise. ?

        5. StClair

          TikTok: Not Even Once

        6. Rose by Any Other Name

          1) Harmless as in causes no physical damage to one’s body. Caffeine and marijuana are the only harmless recreational drugs. Even alcohol is more dangerous since it can harm your liver and brain.

          2) Even so, I compared its use to alcohol, which you would not give to children, as the legal drinking age (in the USA) is 21.

          3) Smoking it negates the harmlessness because smoking anything damages your lungs due to inhaling burning ash. Edibles are the safest way to ingest marijuana (although it is also easy to overdose, which can cause a bad experience, so care and moderation are still key). One should never smoke anything.

          4) I am very sorry to hear about your experience, but as NGPZ pointed out, that has more to do with irresponsible parents than the drug involved and could just as easily happened with Benadryl or any other over-the-counter drug. And, given that my wife and I are very careful about labels, drug interactions, and medical safety in general, I don’t particularly appreciate the possibly unintended implication that we are unsafe simply because we have partaken of a medically harmless recreational drug with experienced friends while our children were not present.

          **Carla-style Exit**

        7. Yotomoe

          Caffeine is technically harmful to your heart but that’s obviously in large doses. I only say that because some people drink Coffee like 4 times a day.

        8. NGPZ

          BASED ????

        9. zee

          You say that like people don’t do that with alcohol

    2. Yotomoe

      Ah yes. “Just a little bump of Cocaine to take the edge off” is a common phrase.

    3. Cholma

      Eric Clapton tells me that’s true! (it’s crazy to think that radio stations used to openly play a song about cocaine)

      1. Thag Simmons

        Eric Clapton has a Wikipedia section titled “Controversies” with the subheaders “‘Keep Britain White'” “Opposition to Fox Hunting Ban” and “Covid-19”, so I wouldn’t trust a word out of his mouth about anything.

        1. RassilonTDavros

          You can learn quite a lot about someone’s character from their Wikipedia article’s “Controversies” section.

      2. brute

        used to? they still do, regularly

        1. Azhrei Vep

          Was gonna say, yeah… that still gets some pretty common play.

  3. Cholma

    So, Alt Text, are you implying a spinoff comic about Joe that’s DoA meets Breaking Bad?

    1. Thag Simmons

      Do any of the main characters in that show ever actually use their meth? I remember them being pretty good about not getting high on their own supply, even Jesse.

      1. Cholma

        No idea. Never saw a single episode.

      2. DanMan9820

        Jesse smokes a bit of the meth they make yeah. Particularly when he’s stealing like two pounds off the top of what they make for Gus and using the rest to keep all the junkies he’s keeping in his house high. I don’t recall a specific instance of him using meth he and Walt made, but I definitely remember him smoking *some* meth in the show.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Dumbing Bad: where every day is throw-a-pizza-on-the-roof day.

      1. Casi

        Dumbing Bad or Breaking Dumb? I feel Breaking Dumb flows better

        1. Needfuldoer

          I went back and forth, but “Breaking Dumb” sounds like breaking the dumb, while “Dumbing Bad” sounds like dumbing poorly.

  4. Kyrik Michalowski

    I feel like this is already going downhill and I am worried what Joe is going to do. Hopefully he doesn’t cheat on her, not just because it would hurt Joyce, but also because it will reinforce the idea that he can’t change in Joe’s head.

    1. Carla's #2 Fan

      Give him a moment, this could just be him making fun of himself or trying to get out his anxieties. I make fun of my flaws or things I have done in the past that I’m working on.

      1. Needfuldoer

        He’s making fun of himself as a roundabout way of vocalizing his anxieties.

    2. Angel

      i’m sure dealing with joyce’s anxieties and talking it through with amber would help. other than joyce having that ‘experience’ with the dryer, i don’t think joe’s done any of his own hookups off screen in the meantime or so

  5. Muttski

    You can do this Joe. I believe in you, just like Danny.

    1. Clif

      Just like.

    2. Decidedly Orthogonal

      Like Danny does, or like you believe in Danny? Let us not forget, “Danning it up.” ?

  6. Yotomoe

    It’s actually Ketamine. Yeah, you’d think it would be a more mainstream narcotic but that’s the industry standard.

  7. Suet

    I see Joe is in the “2) ???” stage.

    But I can’t fly to Columbus to see you… or teleport like Dina. Damn you!!!

  8. Yumi

    Obviously they play Neopets. Duh.

  9. Greg

    Is this comic going to turn into Drugging of Age?

    1. True Survivor

      Better Call Sal?

      1. UrsulaDavina

        Joe Dirt

  10. DailyBrad

    I kinda figure he’s being facetious. Or hope so.

    I could see him making ships in bottles or something. Make some model kits, perhaps.

  11. Thag Simmons

    “Ah give the relationship two weeks”

  12. Yotomoe

    I mean my go to is “ingesting metric tons of pornography” but I feel like that’s kinda the opposite of what you’re going for here.

    1. Dana

      That sounds like it would give me a tummy ache.

    2. Reltzik

      Wouldn’t “go to” imply a state when you’re not already there?

      1. Yotomoe

        Sometimes I’m eating or sleeping.

  13. Formedras

    Is this where Joe becomes a superscientist?

  14. KayleeDragonfly

    Joe, NO

  15. Shrub

    Well that escalated quickly

    1. True Survivor

      Don’t you mean “speedily?” Speed is slang for a drug, right?

      1. shrub

        I guess “well that speedily quickly” does make more sense

      2. Azhrei Vep

        Speedy was also a superhero sidekick known for developing a drug addiction, so it works even more!

        … Weirdly enough, it wasn’t any kind of amphetamine, like his name would imply. Nah, good ol’ heroine instead.

        1. StClair

          That particular typo is especially appropriate in this case.

  16. Ty34er

    Oh sure, Willis is in Ohio and literally an extra state away west this weekend

  17. Dana

    Anyone else have Kraft Mac & Cheese for Joyce’s birthday today?

  18. HueSatLight

    Molly, for improved hand-holding but also would give him Mr Floppy.

    (don’t do molly. I had roommates who did, the crash lasts like 2 days)

    1. milu

      Idk, I’ve had molly (aka MDMA) or ecstasy (mdma + speed) a few times and never experienced much of a crash. I think it’s down to metabolisms and mental states and quantity. Drugs act on brains, and brains are complicated.

      1. HueSatLight

        I’m pretty sure they were doing other things at the same time, and I would believe poor quantity control. Then there was the time their cluster-B ‘friend’ gave one a dose without telling them first. They definitely crashed after that.

        1. milu

          Holy shit. Idk what a cluster-B friend is but unless they had a very special relationship to each other and to drugs, dosing people without their knowledge is very wrong and dangerous.

          Now that said, MDMA absolutely can make you crash hard, even if you don’t take that much. My own example notwithstanding lots of people will be in a shit mood the next day.

        2. HueSatLight

          Cluster B is Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. I don’t know which he would have been diagnosed as, but that was the strangest acquaintanceship I ever had even before the dosing.

      2. zee

        Huh, i always thought molly was the mix, not ecstasy

        1. milu

          I mean, none of this is regulated so who the fuck knows what’s actually in there. But no, in my own limited experience from partying and using in europe, ecstasy is speed+mdma.

          the effects of speed on me nclude this very noticeable (and personally, kind of annoying) jaw clenching, which i get from E but not from molly (or whats been sold/given to me as the one and the other respectively.)

  19. Bryy

    I’ll be so happy when the cast moves out of their Performative phases in twenty years.

    When I’m 60.

  20. Grimey

    Is this where Joe redirects his energy into some hobby or skill but it kinda turns unhealthy in a different way?

  21. RassilonTDavros

    Just when you thought the DoA cast was safe from drug abuse after Amber curbed her heroine addiction…

    1. Yotomoe

      Ahhh You win this one. Go home folks. Rassilon won.

      1. milu

        Oh snap that is basically perfect ?

    2. Dday

      *bows down*

  22. BBCC

    No, no cocaine for you!

  23. Dday

    I heard Boo-urns

  24. UrsulaDavina

    Yeah no cocaine just take those weed gummies you have Joe.

    1. JessWitt

      I think he’ll need those for when Sarah finds out about him and Joyce. Or afterwards.

  25. Angel

    if anything, wouldn’t cocaine make you more sexual, that ‘hookers and blow’ thing and all. (or meth too, there’s literally a ‘sexual’ meth subreddit where ppl get high on camera while half naked, tbh i’m surprised it’s not shut down by authorities or so even if reddit’s more anonymous or so)

    1. Needfuldoer

      I mean, look how long it took for some of the blatantly vile subreddits to get banned.

      Reddit is the best and worst of the Internet, all wrapped up in one site.

    2. Aslan

      Not necessarily. Cocaine is a stimulant, so it increases dopamine activity in your brain; people take it for the rush, and you’re right that there is a subculture of bumping coke to enhance sexual activity (meth is very similar but lasts longer), but Joe’s looking to fill the void being momentarily sexless has left in him. Sex also releases dopamine, so he’s craving coke for that same reward-pathway activation. Coke doesn’t equal increased sexual interest, but it’s commonly used for that reason; Joe’s just going through withdrawal and having cravings he knows he can’t fulfill with sex.

    3. zee

      Pretty sure cocaine makes your dick soft

      1. Taffy

        I mean, I’d probably use lotion or something for softer skin, but whatever helps. I admit to knowing very little about coke, so maybe it’s actually great for that. Seems a little bit excessive and unnecessary and slave labor-y though, for such a small area of the body.

  26. Qube

    become a vtuber, I hear they never have to worry about having sex with people

    1. Angel

      there are some pretty sexualized vtuber designs out there lol

      1. Qube

        it’s from all the pent-up horny because they aren’t having sex with people

        1. Taffy

          [citation needed]

    2. Qube

      and apparently I’m a lizard now

      1. Zero

        Just one of those days.

        1. Taffy

          When ya don’t wanna wake up.

        2. milu

          And you’re feeling kinda ectothermic.

    3. Imogen

      This is a weirdly mean comment ngl

    4. Dr. Sharks

      Is that even a stereotype? My only exposure to vtubers is my IRL friend that is one, and she’s in an open poly relationship with her husband and another guy she lives with.

      1. The Oracle

        It’s less of a “stereotype” and more of a “needlessly mean-spirited putdown”. Like, it’s literally just putting an avatar on screen instead of a face or nothing, why would it have any association with sexual activity, aside from it being slightly nerdy and the associated “hur dur nerds r virgins also me eat gravel for breakfast” shittiness? Just kinda silly.

        1. Autogatos

          Seeing “haha nerds don’t get any” jokes in 2023 is bizarre enough (like I accidentally fell into a time portal to the 90s) but especially in the replies to this comic, considering how often it celebrates nerdy things and nerdy characters.

          Is the above commenter a time traveler who got lost and wandered in here randomly?

          Srsly though, we should all know by now nerdiness/geekiness (and expefience with/empathy for social awkwardness) exists across the gender spectrum. Jokes implying people with niche/geeky interests can’t find some fellow nerd with similar interests to date/marry just don’t even make sense. ?

        2. zee

          It’s specifically a weebs don’t get any joke, because weeb guys are still gross and weird (speaking as a “weeb” myself)

          That being said vtubers fuck, hard often and openly, depending on how seiso their agency forces them to be if they have one, yes I’m shading hololive.
          If you’re gonna me this joke it’d be more accurate and funny to target vtuber stans, the type that start tracking down IP addresses at the hint of their favourite girl having a love life

        3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          While I know not from “vtubers”, it sounds like it just the latest incarnation of sneering at people for doing things that don’t interest you by claiming they’re losers. Which is one of the eternal activities of jerks.

          I still see the 40 year old “D&D players are all pimply faced boys who can’t get laid” canard going around, despite the existence of large numbers of third-generation gamers.

          Same BS, different target.

        4. Autogatos

          Like, all my 8 year is a fashion-savvy, socially-competent extrovert who loves sports and thinks cheerleading looks fun, yet currently all her favorite “celebrities” are gamers/streamers/vtubers.

          I’m not sure the social cliques of today still consider that stuff “uncool.”

        5. Imogen

          I think it feels extra-mean because I mostly personally associate vtubing with, like, trans gamers, and most of my vtubing friends are trans. It feels more targeted than just “lol nerds don’t get any”, though I’m sure the OP didn’t intend it that way.

        6. Keulen

          As someone who watches a lot of vtubers in my free time, that comment did seem kinda mean-spirited. They’re literally just people who prefer to stream with an avatar instead of showing their real faces. It is a job that attracts more nerdy folks, but the idea that “nerds don’t get any” seems pretty outdated these days.

    5. Keulen

      There are plenty of vtubers that have IRL relationships and I assume have sex, though many of them are not comfortable talking about that on their streams. Unfortunately there’s still a small minority of obsessive fans who can get too weird about finding out their favorite vtubers have relationships and social lives outside of streaming.

      1. StClair

        sic semper idol industry.

  27. temporaryobsessor

    God Joe’s speech reminded me of Dickard when he talked about how much he loved Amber’s mom

    1. Clif

      The apple doesn’t fall far from the router.

  28. MaximumZero

    ♪’cuz I’m just a teenage dirtbag, baby…♫

  29. JessWitt

    Is self-wanking not an option?

    1. Angel

      maybe he’s so used to being a ‘manwhore’ (not meant to sound judgmental) that he probably almost never does/probably has had more one on one sex/hookups than doing anything solo. Unless he’s had the sock on to let danny know if he has since it’d be hard to get privacy

    2. The Oracle

      Some people don’t really do that, even if they’re very very horny people in general. Some of them like to come up with ridiculous justifications for why (“It makes me smarter/more alert/more masculine”), which has always puzzled me. If you don’t wanna do it, just don’t do it. There’s more external pressure not to, if anything (“it’s pathetic/shameful/wasteful/etc.”).

    3. Seashells

      I have gotten the impression that it’s just not the same for some people? Like not as satisfying?

      Speaking as someone with the opposite anatomy (and a low sex drive in general) I don’t entirely understand why that doesn’t suffice, but know someone who gets progressively more stressed out the longer it has been, and taking care of it himself doesn’t seem to resolve the issue.

      I have hypoglycemia, and can become irrationally cranky when my blood sugar is low, and really fixing it at that point requires a proper meal with complex carbs and protein and/or fat. A simple carb snack or a piece of fruit or a low carb vegetable won’t cut it.

      From his descriptions, his experience with dry spells and trying to solve them on his own sounds a bit similar to the hypoglycemia experience. I don’t know what exactly it feels like, but it seems to affect his normally chill and patient mood in a similar manner, to the point where he has to put a lot of active effort into not being irritable, even in scenarios where he’d otherwise be totally chill.

    4. Seashells

      That said, I’ve not seen any indication that this is the particular issue Joe is dealing with. Maybe he is or maybe, as someone else said (and the impression I get) it’s that he’s so accustomed to a particular lifestyle that he doesn’t know how to proceed with this massive change to his usual habits.

      1. Mark

        We have no evidence that Joe has ever had an ongoing romantic relationship. We’ve seen exactly one date, which went horribly sideways. I think he’s being honest: he’s never done this before and doesn’t know how.

        1. thejeff

          And even that date wasn’t an attempt at a romantic relationship, but at seduction. With that as precedent, I’d assume he’d been on more dates, but always focused on getting the girl into bed and then moving on.

    5. thejeff

      Didn’t we just go through a whole thing with Joyce where the whole argument was that masturbation doesn’t actually make you less interested in doing it with your crush?

  30. Yeet

    Maybe this is where Joe starts to really focus on his studies and declares his major.

  31. Imogen

    This is kind of recontextualizing Joe to me. Formerly, I thought his main problem was being sort of… prone to objectifying real women. Not great, but but hard to fix, either.

    Now if seems like he actually has a serious sex addiction, and it feels kind of weird the way the comic is treating it.

    1. Taffy

      I think he might just be used to one particular lifestyle, and so he’s nervous about adjusting to a new one. Being new at things can be nerve-wracking.

      1. GUIGUI

        I think that’s that too. Changing habits is hard.

      2. Autogatos

        Yeah I dunno if I’ve gotten addiction vibes from him. This feels lighter and more like “I have lived the same lifestyle for years and don’t know what to do with myself now that it has suddenly changed.”

        Which don’t get me wrong can be a super stressful thing! Changing habits is really really hard, whatever they are. Sometimes being habituated to a particular routine can be so powerful that a person struggles to consistently do something they actually enjoy and want to do just because it hasn’t been part of their routine.

        Some people tend to thrive on consistency or have been doing a particular routine so long they struggle to make active decisions about their daily activities when they want to change their routine because up until that point they’d been able to basically operate on auto pilot/muscle memory. Maybe this is Joe’s “trying to remember not to bite your nails after a lifetime of doing it” experience.

      3. Aslan

        I think the joke is meant to imply that it’s an addiction and he’s experiencing withdrawal. Cocaine is an amphetamine, so it delivers a big boost to dopamine transmission. If Joe’s immediately craving that, the implication is that he uses sex for that same purpose (whether consciously or not), and that’s a major underlying reason why addictions develop. Of course, dopamine deficiency/dysfunction is a common underlying cause of ADHD, so maybe we’re entering Joe’s neurodivergent arc

      4. HueSatLight

        “What do I do with my hands?” except “what do I do with all my time and attention?”

        1. Mark

          “Scrimshaw” works for either one.

    2. thejeff

      I think this is really more about how to interact with a woman he’s interested in without being a dirtbag and pushing for sex than it is about anything like a sex addiction. This is all new to him and he doesn’t know how to handle it. It would be easy to fall back into his old habits and he doesn’t want to.

  32. Nono

    I can’t remember the last time they stood next to each other but I always forget that Danny is taller than Sal.

  33. Ophidiophile

    This could be a good opportunity for Joe to have a bonding moment with his dad.

  34. Jay

    Alt-text: yeah, me too. I heard you can even synthesise Sudafed from it!

    Also, Joe, with your “trying *not* to bone Joyce” plan – are you sure Joyce is going to be on board? Because it’s sounded very much like she wanted to ride the *other* Joe train…

    1. Reltzik

      I think “doesn’t want to but wants to” is going to be one of Joyce’s neuroses.

      Joe had to scrape her off the ceiling in science class because of the mere thought someone might even think of her as being a sexual being. It’s gonna take her a while to be comfortable with sexuality.

      1. Needfuldoer

        “Wants to, but would be mortified if anyone finds out” is Joyce’s default state for that type of thing.

        1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

          She could develop an alternate identity to let her do all the things she wants to do while pretending she doesn’t.

          Naa, you could never make that work in a webcomic….

      2. Mark

        Sounds like something they can share.

  35. Allison Branford

    Clearly, Danny and Joe need to pee and then do some laundry.

    1. JessWitt

      I wish upvotes were a thing here.

  36. milu

    Cocaine is fun.
    But it’s probably about the most soaked in blood product you can buy. Don’t support the cocaine industry.

    1. milu

      (I wanna disclaim that I’m not shaming addicts. I’m speaking as/to casual users. I’m not saying theres any guaranteed ethical drug but it is a spectrum)

      (Also, smartphones probably come second.)

      1. Reltzik

        ARE smartphones drugs? They always struck me as more being mere paraphernalia for a drug cocktail of social media, internet, and video games.

  37. AGV

    Joe, chillax, it’ll be ok

  38. Amós Batista

    Already, Joe.? Not surprised, after all

  39. Steelbright

    Danny & Sal’s identical expressions throughout this say everything

  40. DarkoNeko

    Joe I know you’re panicking but I -know- you work out regularily (usually with Jacob), so y’know, go do that ?

  41. Mark

    Oh, Joe, there’s almost too much to do now. If you don’t know how to be a good boyfriend, learning and becoming is going to occupy a lot of time and absorb a lot of effort. It’ll be fun, too.

  42. Juanoku

    Better start picking up a hobby…
    A new one i mean

    1. HueSatLight

      Joe gets into robotics origin story!

  43. Big Z

    Stay good, Joe, stay good.

  44. Zaxares

    There’s always good ol’ masturbation, Joe. It’s not wrong to masturbate even when you’re in a steady relationship. 😉 Sometimes you’re apart, sometimes one partner just isn’t feeling it etc.

  45. The Quirk

    I ask again, how long will it take for Joe to screw this up?

    50% of relationships end in break-up. The other 50% end in death. Given the options. . . .

    1. Mano308gts

      50% of first-time marriages end in divorce… Given that marriages are the ‘end state’ of relationships (albeit not one that all relationships reach), and given that many relationships terminate prior to marriage, significantly more than 50% of relationships end in break-up.

      Heck, on my own experience, 100% of relationships end in break-ups, with a sample size of 3 official relationships.

  46. Keulen

    There are lots of hobbies that can take up a lot of free time if Joe needs stuff to do. For example video games, or watching live-streamers play games and stuff. And of course there’s always masturbation for your sexual needs. Though I get the feeling that once Joyce becomes ok with sex, if she’s still dating Joe by then, she’s gonna keep him plenty busy.

    1. Mark

      Joe is at a university and can’t find something interesting to do?

  47. wakeangel2001

    this is why only virgins have interesting hobbies…

    1. Taffy

      Fuck off with that.

    2. Bryy

      That’s….. a weird flex.

      1. Adept

        less of a flex, more a cry for help

    3. The Oracle

      “Only boring people have sex” is the other side of that coin.

    4. NGPZ

      So you think dinosaurs are boring huh? ?

  48. Delmore Slim

    Please, please, tell me that Joe is going to pick up his prime universe hobby of inventing. Like, I get that Dumbing of Age is probably too grounded for him to make a working hovercraft out of a Ping Pong Table, but it’d be really funny to him try.

  49. Sibre

    *Danny and Sal staring intensifies*

  50. Sajuuk-Khar

    Joe was never truly a bad guy, he’s just been targeted by Slaanesh for corruption his whole life

    1. Sajuuk-Khar

      Oh Christ! Oh no!! I’m Billie now! Fuck!! Nooooo!!!

      1. Sajuuk-Khar

        REROLL REROLL PLEASE BE BETTER

        1. Sajuuk-Khar

          Roz is not the better I am looking for dammit!!

        2. Seregiel

          I like this because it implies Billie is following up on the sex scandal and interviewing the perpetrators.

  51. Sajuuk-Khar

    Joe will suffice.

    1. StClair

      I think he will, despite his anxiety in this moment.

  52. Blue

    Does anyone besides Dorothy actually study?

  53. RowenMorland

    Time for Joe to declare a major?

  54. Moon

    A while back I dated a woman who was raised very religious. Only having one partner in her life was very important to her, and I naively thought to myself “hey, that’ll be easy. I’m not a pig like some of my cohorts after all.”

    Except it turns out, on some level I was still that kind of pig, just with a bit of self deception. I wasn’t going to push her past her comfort zone of course, but after half a year of being essentially friends who kissed occasionally, I definitely resented her for it. Which wasn’t fair to her, of course, she was very clear in setting boundaries, but resentment is rarely rational, and thus i felt i had to bounce. Last I hear we’ve both come out of it better for the experience.

    So that’s my story of dirtbag Joe being uncomfortably relatable.

    Here’s hoping things work out better for Joe and Joyce here though, I’m rather partial to the ship.

    1. Seregiel

      That’s not being a dirt bag… you discovered you need a certain amount of physical affection in a relationship. That’s just different needs.

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