315

Dodge
Posted on December 8, 2015 by David M Willis

315 thoughts on “Dodge”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    but that all changed when the Cucumber Nation attacked

    [insert link to Cats vs. Cucumbers except that’s a really cruel “prank” to play

    on cats]

    1. Ana Chronistic

      okay word wrap where did you come from

      also, I would totes like to hear about Steve and Bucky

      1. Inkblot

        Dude, this time, there’s a truck.

        1. Inkblot

          come on the strip is called “dodge”, throw me a bone here

        2. TheNinthShader

          *throws a pickle*

        3. Tan

          This time there’s a Namekian?

        4. A Frisky Jacket

          I think you mean this time there is a Yoshi

        5. Tan

          Thank you for correcting me and also I love you.

        6. GreyTheDefender

          I love both of you for that reference.

        7. TachyonCode

          This time, there’s a berserker.

      2. Opus the Poet

        It’s called Stucky slash, and it’s totes a thing.

    2. AgentKeen

      Only the Cabbage Merchant, master of all things cabbage, could stop them, but when the world needed him most… “MY CABBAGES!”

      1. N0083rP00F

        http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8ko3dHPqL1qd9kcuo2_500.gif

    3. Cephalo the Pod

      Only the Ministry of Health, master of all four food groups, could stop them. But when the world needed it most…

      Its funds got cut.

    4. Tacos

      Where’s the Melon Lord in all this?

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        “We are Melon. We are legion.”

        1. inqntrol

          That reminded me of Legion from Mass Effect,but I guess that’s not what you were referncing.

    5. Rex Vivat

      There are no “good” pranks, they’re shitty behavior in general.

      1. N0083rP00F

        No no. A GOOD prank has the prankee rolling on the floor laughing with you before giving you a boot to the head.

      2. garaden

        Except on cats. Screw those guys.

  2. Captain Button

    Next on Dumbiverse Suggestive Dream Theater…

    1. inqntrol

      Vegetable Porn.

    2. Falling Star

      IN 2D!

  3. DarkoNeko

    “Ask Amazi-girl”, eh.

    1. Captain Button

      Generally gets more interesting advice than the “Ask Mike” advice column.

      1. meanderling

        Punch a dad!

      2. DarkoNeko

        oh I’m not too sure about that. Mike’s advice could be very good, but it’d be the last thing people would want to hear

        1. Durandal_1707

          Your conflation of “good advice” and “interesting advice” is, I think, unwarranted.

        2. DarkoNeko

          Mike advice is generally that.

        3. Jacknoir

          Mike’s Advice: “how to pay your way through college by banging peoples moms for a nickle.”

      3. ping

        “If you’re broke, your Mom should have some nickels.”

        1. pickten

          “A nickel saved (by your Mom) is a nickel earned.”

  4. AnvilPro

    Danny wants to be important, will Willis let him? Stay tuned for more

    1. Someone

      he does manage to be the second most important male character, with Ethan being a close third (although that can possibly be switched) and Walky beating both of them.

      Can we just start calling them the Walkyverse protagonists?

      1. Cephalo the Pod

        How about the Willises? They’re all main protagonists who share something(s) with the author, without straight-up being an avatar like Joyce.

        1. Someone

          I feel like people are already using that name to refer to Zach and Chase though

        2. Slyfincleton

          I thought they were to be referred to as “the descendants of the pornlord”

        3. Jestam

          Pornlords in waiting?

          Gonna be a looong wait.

        4. Needfuldoer

          Children of the Pornlord.

        5. Kryss LaBryn

          Son(s) of Pornlord!

          This will be the best worst sequel ever. That Lucas wasn’t involved in.

        6. N0083rP00F

          Wurst sequel ev’ah.

        7. gwalla

          The Children of the Porn

        8. N0083rP00F

          Adam
          Atlas Beyond Seven BigDom Bravo Casanova Class-Act
          Crezendo Crown Durex Elasun Elexa Fantasy Fiesta
          Frenzy Impulse InSpiral Jissbon KamaSutra Kameleon
          Kimono Kohinoor Magnum Manix Masti Mithun Moods
          NightLight Nirodh Nymph Okamoto Paradise Rakshak
          Ria Trojan Trustex Unimil Ustad Viva Vivid Zaroor Zazoo

        9. WaytoomanyUIDs

          Spawn of the Pornlord

        10. WaytoomanyUIDs

          For some reason my Sister-in-Law got really annoyed when I referred to my niece and nephew as The Spawn.

        11. Disloyal Subject

          They are “the tiny Willises.”

        12. hmrc4evr

          He’s full of tinier men!

          (Tick reference for those gutter-minded folks!)

        13. EvilMidnightLurker

          Not yet, Living Doll. Not… yet.

        14. DarkoNeko

          the innuendos.

  5. Dreadhawk177

    But this time there’s a Batman toy.

  6. DarkoNeko

    SO.

    But this time there’s a ____________ ?

    1. DarkoNeko

      => transformer.

      1. Captain Button

        Dumbiverse Mad Libs?

      2. Tacos

        I’d have gone with a fusion cannon.

        1. DarkoNeko

          that sounds pretty painful.

    2. iam3dhomer

      Penis.

      The mystery is why there is only one.

    3. Sambo

      But his time there’s a nipple

      1. Sambo

        *this, dammit

        1. meanderling

          Just one? There should be at least like…three more

        2. Silamy

          Bucky lost one in the fall, and Steve lost his as a weird side effect of the experiment.

        3. pumacatrun2

          Nope, Steve’s are still

        4. pumacatrun2

          Very fine… http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-01/enhanced/webdr06/13/0/enhanced-buzz-23759-1389589308-23.jpg

          (Thanks HTML for not working)

    4. Captain Button

      This time there is a shocking Plot Twist!

    5. Cephalo the Pod

      Pound of nitrogen gas.

    6. caesaria82

      Civil War. There’s a Civil War. And Tony ruins everything.

    7. Ana Chronistic

      …Winnebago??

      1. GuruBuckaroo

        with wings?

    8. Disloyal Subject

      Camera.

    9. Questionor

      But this time there’s a hammer………………the hammer is my penis.

    10. Rycan

      Toy corn popper.

    11. BigAngry

      fridge magnet!

    12. Silly Name

      TWO nickels.

    13. Kryss LaBryn

      Hentai tentacle monster.

      1. Falling Star

        Hentai tentacle monster
        fixed that for you

        1. Falling Star

          *fixed that for you
          I have got to learn how to use HTML tags correctly.

        2. Kryss LaBryn

          I thought Hentai was the genre but it literally means “tentacle monster,” doesn’t it. Yes, of course it does. *facepalm* Well, now there’s two of them, dammit.

    14. TheNinthShader

      FAAAAAAAAACEE

    15. altalemur

      brunette spectator, playing Mario Kart on her 3DS

  7. dailybrad

    I wish to subscribe to Amber’s newsletter.

  8. Doctor_Who

    Amber’s not changing the subject, that’s how she actually remembers the events of the previous storyline. Blow to the head and all.

    You’ll see, from now on she refers to Becky as Bucky, and continues to ignore Dina because cucumbers can’t talk.

    1. MM

      So Joyce would be Steve, then?

      1. JetstreamGW

        No no, Steve is Adam’s husband. Don’t you read the Bible!?

        1. DarkoNeko

          Eve(lyne), Allan, and Steve. In a threesome, like in go get a roomie 🙂

        2. Jon Rich

          You made my day, Jetstream.

      2. Doctor_Who

        Yes. She was give an experimental Super Soldier of God Serum by a mad savior, who died for her sins before he could create others.

        Now she uses her Vibranium drinking glass to fight against the evil forces of HYDRA.

        Hanky Panky
        Yearning
        Drink
        Roofie-ing
        A-Holes

        1. Dean

          By that logic, Billie would be Iron Man. She’s already got the heavy drinking part down!

        2. DarkoNeko

          So does Ruth.

        3. DarkoNeko

          Tho actually, Billie got the money part, too.

        4. Dean

          Ruth is Thor. She hails from the frozen north, and has unresolved issues concerning a distant authority figure.

        5. Falling Star

          Joyce is the hulk, and Becky is Black Widow.
          Wait…

        6. Silamy

          Can Ruth be Wolverine, then?

        7. Captain Button

          No. Mike is Wolverine. Best there is at what he does, snarking, face-punching, and Mom for a nickel. Jerk with a heart of gold. Pointy stuff on his head.

        8. DarkoNeko

          Wolverine is an idiot. Mike strike me as the mean-smart type.

        9. Disloyal Subject

          …
          Fanartists, you are needed!

        10. John

          Fanartists are not necessary. (Though they’d certainly be appreciated!) Willis already did it.

        11. Deanatay

          SUATMM, Willis!

  9. Stephen R. Bierce

    SHIPWRECK’S PARROT: Squashed by a squash! Awk!

  10. Mr. Random

    Say what you will about Danny, he seems like he’ll actually notice when something is wrong with his girlfriend. (Maybe not the relationship, but at least his SO.)

  11. Mr. Mendo

    Red flags, Danny! Learn to recognize them!

  12. John

    Aw, lookit Danny, trying to do something right.

    While thinking, “How do I tell her that I think her Cap/Bucky fic is actually really hot?”

    1. tim gueguen

      Danny’s more likely a Hal Jordan/Oliver Queen shipper. Or maybe an Oliver Queen/Travis Morgan/Slade Wilson shipper.

      1. John

        I’m pretty sure half of his OTP is Dick Grayson, actually. Dunno about the other half.

        1. Spencer

          Dick Grayson is in everyone’s OTP.

        2. Ana Chronistic

          Holding out for Terry McGinnis

        3. Spencer

          Sorry JenAnaSidistic, but Dick Grayson becomes evil in Batman Beyond’s timeline.

          Like he does in every alternate future ever.

          (PS: Batman Beyond is the unappreciated gem of the DCAU)

        4. Tacos

          Pfft, when has being evil ever stopped anybody from shipping people together?

        5. Tan

          That wasn’t Dick, that was just his evil clone!

          (“But this time there was an evil clone” probably works also)

        6. Spencer

          I wonder if Frank Miller will retcon that insanity in Dark Knight 3.

          Though I guess that would require Frank Miller to be capable of things besides massive amounts of racism these days.

    2. Falling Star

      He only thinks it’s hot because he sees it as Danny/Ethan cosplay.

  13. Nono

    Danny, Amber’s telling you to meet Ethan at the laundromat with the both of you wearing only your underwear. LISTEN.

    And bring a cucumber.

    1. JessWitt

      Would Ethan be Steve and Danny Bucky?

      1. MM

        Depends what era we’re talking about. WWII, probably. But I’m not sure Danny can pull off the Winter Soldier.

        1. NelC

          *Snerk* You said “pull off”.

        2. Pebblerocker

          hur hur

          but maybe he can pull Ethan off?

        3. DarkoNeko

          Not like either can get pregnant, why pull off ? 😀

        4. Falling Star

          This all got real weird, real fast.
          Why would they do that in the middle of the Laundromat?

        5. DarkoNeko

          Dunno, ask Amber.

  14. Dana

    A different feeling of shame.

  15. Dynasir

    But this time there’s a slide whistle

  16. Sam

    Danny insisting on something is so unusual. Good for him though.

  17. Lord Stoneheart

    But this time there’s a Doom bot? (We’re talking about Captain America slash right?)

  18. shadowcell

    next slipshine confirmed

  19. Maveric1984

    But this time there’s a ssusage…

    …because they’re at a post battle barbecue.

    Im not very goodat this game

  20. Spencer

    Panel 4 is like the most Danny moment ever and it’s why I think he’s a great character.

    1. Sam

      Danny moment == The constant sense of “I have made so many mistakes before but not any more”?

      1. Spencer

        Kinda? Mostly I like that he recognizes that he’s screwed up lot, for himself as a person and also with Amber, and he wants to be a better boyfriend to her than that.

        For a guy who just blindly crashes into new romances and completely dedicates himself to them without any dignity, it’s nice to see him learn.

        1. Sam

          I do admire his dedication and devotion to his relationships. He failed to see that the relationship wasnt equal with Dorothy, but Amber seems to place special value in him and has made sure Danny knows that. So, at least in this case, his efforts to be a better boyfriend are not misplaced.

          (I mean that scene in the elevator where he does the eye mask with his hands to call Amber beautiful was just adorable)

          But I am not sure if Amber is good for him. Remember when Mike implied that if she was likely to end up like one of her parents and her boyfriend wasnt an asshole then likely she was one?

          Amber isnt an asshole. But she is going through lot of stuff. I fear her compartmentalizing her anger is just one way of running away from it and one day she will have to stand still and face all of it as Amber. I feel emotional upheavals are likely in Amber’s future. Can Danny be the steady rock she will need or will those events break both of them?

        2. Spencer

          I’m never going to want to take what Mike says or does with any weight, so I’ll just say that while Amber has some major violent tendencies and she needs to work through them, the idea of her ending up like her dad is, well, it ain’t happening.

          I think it’s absolutely possible they work things out. I mean, she has a lot of shit on her plate. She needs help beyond what Danny can provide, but I don’t think that means they need to be end. At the least, Danny is a positive force in her life and he can help, just not solve everything. Amber has issues, but that doesn’t mean she needs to be sectioned off from everybody until she becomes sufficiently normal enough. She can get mental health and also have her supportive boyfriend.

        3. Sam

          Ohh, I didnt think Mike was right. It’s just that that statement was what had triggered my subsequent thought process. Amber is not her father. Blaine is/was abusive of his wife and his daughter. Amber has issues but she is the victim here, not the abuser.

        4. Spencer

          Yeah, absolutely. Amber’s too moral a person to ever actually do that to a partner.

          Like, I have a hard time viewing what Mike said as him delivering a harsh truth to Amber, and more just him saying the worst possible thing he could say to her because he’s Mike and that’s what he does.

        5. Sam

          ” more just him saying the worst possible thing he could say to her because he’s Mike and that’s what he does.”

          I am worried if Amber and Danny are strong enough to face Amber’s issues themselves. Especially since she hasnt yet sought out help from anyone else. Time will tell. Maybe I am misjudging the scale of her issues.

        6. Sam

          Bah. forgot a sentence in the beginning of my prev post. Anyway here is a full corrected post:

          ” more just him saying the worst possible thing he could say to her because he’s Mike and that’s what he does.”

          Agreed.

          And I am wondering if Amber and Danny are strong enough to face Amber’s issues themselves. Especially since she hasnt yet sought out help from anyone else. Time will tell. Maybe I am misjudging the scale of her issues.

        7. Lord Stoneheart

          That conversation between Mike and Amber is my go to example of why I call bullshit when people try to tell me that Mike is just doing what he thinks is best for people. Amber has been worried that she is going to turn into her father ever since she stabbed Sal. It’s not some epiphany that Mike helped her have, it’s a fear that she’s had that he’s trying to encourage because he wants to tear Amber down.

        8. Spencer

          Yeah, the way people insist that Mike is actually a giant super asshole because he’s trying to impart a lesson is gross.

          Like, can we not romanticize abusive behaviour? Please?

        9. Bagge

          I have sold Danny short before, but now I really do believe that he understands what he’s getting himself into, and he is still willing to do what it takes to help Amber.

          I’m not entirely convinced he does a better job helping her as a boyfriend than as a friend, but now when he is a boyfriend he is not letting go anytime soon, so this is what he has to work with.

        10. Spencer

          Well, I’m not sure that “Danny helps as a friend” is all that different from “Danny helps as her boyfriend”. Like, all that he can really do is support her as he has been. That doesn’t really change whether they’re together or not.

          As far as him helping Amber, I don’t know if the exact nature of their relationship really matters. Either way, Danny cares about her and wants to help.

  21. Cephalo the Pod

    For a few seconds I thought Amber was talking about Beef Walters and some obscure Willis character named Bucky.

    1. Spencer

      Beef has a name?

      1. Cephalo the Pod

        Oh yeah, it’s mentioned a few times in It’s Walky.

      2. Someone

        Steven

      3. inqntrol

        In the Dumbiverse his name is actually Beef.

        1. David M Willis

          only in the same way that walky’s name is walky

        2. Spencer

          Walky has a name!?

        3. Maveric1984

          His real name is David. He’s said so a couple of times, most recently to Dotty’s parents.

          There’s also a scene in Walky Performs a Sex where Dorothy trys using his real name mid-coitus, only to realize that it sounds weird to her. Unfortunately, so does saying “Oh Walky!”

        4. Spencer

          thatsthejoke.gif

    2. cesium133

      Sure it’s not this Bucky? (Try getting that image out of your head.)

  22. lime sheep

    this time theres a 7th dog

  23. Dedlok

    “But this time there is an Astrotrain.”

  24. Memyself

    Walk away, Danny. You can do better.

    1. Lia47

      Well THATS something Danny’s never heard before

      1. neeks

        “Take what you can get, Danny. This is as good as you should ever expect from anyone.” – Mom and Pop Wilcox, probably

  25. Unsurpassed Travesty

    But this time there’s a vagina.

  26. Lia47

    But this time there’s nothing Fredric Wertham can do about it

  27. JessWitt

    And then Steve and Bucky do an interpretive dance, merging into a Marvel fusion that is Winter Cap.

    1. MM

      I think I’ve read that fic.

    2. Falling Star

      I’d put that on my head-
      [is killed]

  28. Mandy

    LARRY the cucumber?!

    1. Guairdean

      Gives a whole new meaning to “Larry Go Round”, doesn’t it?

  29. IDontcarenomore

    So for the first time ever, Danny wants to Listen to her? Wow. End of the world coming?
    He dumped Amber when she was so low she could walk under a snake – so he could date his Amazi-girl girl friend. He’s ignored the fact that she has some real issues. He wanted her to wear her mask when they had sex.
    And now he wants her to tell him all about her adventure. Yeah okay.
    What happened to Danny’s nose in last panel?

    1. Spencer

      None of those things you said actually happened.

    2. Captain Button

      Danny is the Anti-Pinocchio, when he lies his nose gets smaller. And you know what they say about boys with small noses…

      1. Tacos

        … That they don’t have very good senses of smell?

        1. Ana Chronistic

          “How does he smell?”
          “Terrible!”

    3. Cephalo the Pod

      When exactly has Danny dumped Amber? There was that short period where they stopped hanging out, but that was because Amber kept coming on to him, despite him making it clear that he didn’t want a romantic relationship with her at the time.

      How has he ignored her issues? The moment he finally learned about them (after the night with Blaine), he wanted to help, and she bailed.

      Also, WHAT about the mask? That was all Amber’s idea.

    4. Catullus

      He “dumped” Amber because she showed up out of nowhere and pretended to be his girlfriend for an afternoon, while Danny already had a girlfriend— who he didn’t yet know was the same person. Nor was he aware of the Blaine situation.

    5. Lord Stoneheart

      Danny said they couldn’t be friends anymore when Amber made him lie to his parents, and then Amber didn’t give an explanation afterwards. He explicitly said that it made him uncomfortable and Amber ignored that. And he had no idea what kind of shit she had been through that day. Amber/Amazi Girl never talked about her dad other than mentioning the fact that her parents were divorced.

      I feel like that’s not the first time I’ve had this conversation though.

      1. Rycan

        Nor will it be your last.

        1. Lord Stoneheart

          Though searching for the last time I mentioned the exact same thing, I never got a response. So it wasn’t much of a conversation. I guess I’m posting it again because second times the charm?

    6. Shadic

      Wow, the anti-Danny circlejerk hit you real hard, didn’t it?

    7. Peduncle

      We can argue about what actually happened in this strip, but I still want to know what happened to his nose in the first and last panel.

  30. Guairdean

    Danny better watch himself or he’ll be in a real pickle.

  31. fishamaphone

    “Instructions unclear. Traded vibranium shield for cucumber.”

  32. Tacos

    I… must admit that at first I actually thought that Amber was recounting what happened and she was just talking about what was happening before she got the call to go do her vigilante stuff. Then I realized she was referring to some Cap/Bucky slashfic >.>

  33. meanderling

    This time there’s an increasingly disturbing personality split! Oh wait, that was what it was last time too. Dang.

  34. caesaria82

    I love Bucky as much as the next fangirl, but Steve and Sam is where it’s at romantically, to be honest.

    1. meanderling

      Girl, preach. Cap 2: The Winter Soldier is basically a rom-com. You got the meet-cute, you got the showing-up-at-your-doorstep, you got the sleeping in the hospital room while ~their song plays~, you got the takedown of a major world power. Everything you ever want, plus some nifty mechanical wings. Sam’s a sweetheart, I love him.

      1. caesaria82

        “I do what he does. Just slower.” The most romantic line in the whole movie.
        They make each other breakfast, have nicknames for each other and the scene in the Veterans union is like 2 inches away from make-out proximity. They’re so in love. Sam is the best.

        1. meanderling

          I like “on your left”, myself, because I’m a sucker for cute phrases being repurposed for meaningful moments. Sam is adorable, and about 5000% more well-adjusted than any other superhero in the Marvel universe. The ship sails itself!

        2. caesaria82

          Right? And he was even secure enough in his relationship to go and search for Steve’s childhood boyfriend and wasn’t threatened by it. And he found him. And now they’re gonna be a threesome and it’s all about quips about Steve’s mom and newspaper in shoes and …. what do you mean, war? There will be no war. It’s a romantic comedy. T’challa can come too. And maybe Scott if Sam’s not mad at him anymore. Perfect movie, end scene. After credits scene is just Natasha teasing her long-overdue solo movie and the world is perfect.

        3. StClair

          I want this movie. Not the other movie.

        4. Clodia

          This thread is made of accuracy and awesome.

  35. Raen

    …but this time there’s a rail system.

  36. newllend(henryvolt)

    Oh so Danny wants to stop Dannying things in important situations? I like how he’s progressing in his development but at this point it’s not a habit he can kick it’s like a curse.

  37. abbers

    but this time there’s a blindfold 😀

  38. brionl

    Steve Austin and Buckminster Fuller? That’s quite a ship!

    1. John Merklinghaus

      Steve Austin the wrestler, or Steve Austin The Six Million Dollar Man?
      These are important details.

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        Steve Austin The Six Million Dollar Man, duh. 😉

  39. Regalli

    And maybe this time it will finally sink in to Danny that no, Amazi-Girl isn’t just a dodge, she’s actually dissociating and Shit is Not Okay.

  40. Jess

    But this time, there’s a candle.

  41. Victor Riley

    Didn’t know she was in to Captain America fanfiction. 🙂 (Might explain a bit, actually…)

    1. John

      It is known.

      1. Disloyal Subject

        Ah; reading, not writing. My mistake.

    2. Disloyal Subject

      She was writing Stark/Rogers schlickfic a while back. I think it’s safe to say she likes Captain America slash.

  42. Shiro

    …but this time there actual lube instead of a ludicrously unsafe household substitute!

    1. Shiro

      *there’s

      Goddammit

    2. caesaria82

      Actual lube instead of whatever 14 year-old fanfic writer think will work as lube. Including spit, sweat, tears (seriously!) or just no lube at all.

      1. Bagge

        tears? Someone took the hurt-comfort concept a bit too literary, didn’t they?

    3. Someone

      This is kinda stupid, but is your name supposed to be spelled with a U, as in
      Shirou or are we thinking of two completely different things?

      1. Agemegos

        “Shiro” is a Japanese word meaning “white”, “castle”, and possibly “generation” (though that’s usually transliterated as “Shiroi”. There are also two Japanese family names: “Shiro” and “Shirō”. It’s also an East African food made out of chick peas or garbanzo beans.

        1. Falling Star

          The More You Know~
          *whooooooosh*

        2. Random832

          And some people write “Shirō” as “Shirou” because they incorrectly believe that it is “more correct” because it lines up to how you type it on a keyboard.

        3. Kamino Neko

          The most annoying misunderstanding of this system I’ve seen is people insisting in rendering the name of the protagonist of Dragon Ball as Goukou. (It’s Goku, Gokuu, or Gokū, depending on which scheme you’re using.)

        4. Someone

          thanks

  43. Someone

    If you think about it the major Dumbing of Age characters can be divided into three groups

    Joyce Group: Joyce, Becky, Dorothy, Walky and Billie
    Ambers group: Amber, Danny, and Ethan
    -Dina fits between the two groups

    Sal’s group: Sal, Marcie, Carla, and Malaya

    I hope I didn’t leave anyone out.

    Ruth doesn’t really fit into either group.

    1. DarkoNeko

      Mike is in the Joyce group. Well, rather, he’s with Walky.

      1. Just Me

        But Mike is also with Amber, along with Ethan.

        1. DarkoNeko

          I get they’re from the same area originally, but I haven’t seen them together often*.

      2. timemonkey

        Mike is more of a neutral party, drifting through the background interacting with everyone.

    2. Lord Stoneheart

      There’s some overlap. I would definitely say that Ethan is part of Joyce’s group. As is Sal, as much as she says she doesn’t want to be. And Billie also breaks off with Joyce to do her thing with Ruth.

      1. Someone

        I pretty much defined Ambers group as anyone who knows her secret Identity

        1. Lord Stoneheart

          Dorothy knows it too! Though she interacts with Amazi Girl more than Amber.

        2. Someone

          shit I forgot that

  44. Nerd Herder

    …but this time, there’s an ewok.

  45. TrueVCU

    She’s gonna feel REALLY awkward about all this slashfic when Danny comes out as bisexual

    1. Doctor_Who

      Or they could bond over enjoying it together.

      1. TrueVCU

        Have we been reading the same comic? Since when does anything go right in this ‘verse?

        1. TrueVCU

          Romantically speaking

        2. MM

          You’d better not know something about Becky and Dina I don’t. 🙁

        3. Spencer

          I think the universe is going to implode before those two break up.

          Walky/Dorothy’s more likely to end than them and they’re as close to an OTP we’ve seen so far.

        4. Agemegos

          Romantic things seem to be going okay for Walky. Even for Dorothy to some extent.

      2. Disloyal Subject

        She might still feel awkward for a bit, but that’d just make the shift to enjoying it together all the more adorable.

        Assuming nothing too horrible happens first.

        1. TrueVCU

          Oh hi you must be new here 😛

        2. TheNinthShader

          Quite sure subject has been here longer than you.

        3. TrueVCU

          Just sarcasm at the “if nothing horrible happens first”

    2. Spencer

      Having a partner you can enjoy slash with sounds pretty great!

      I swear I’m not joking; I think it might even help Danny normalize his attraction to guys. I know things kinda started out for me with half jokey “lol i want these dudes to bang” forum posts.

      1. Kryss LaBryn

        Fanfic is a wonderful, safe way to explore one’s sexuality. 🙂

        1. Spencer

          Yeah, I think for Danny, it’d help him if he started dipping his toes into queer fiction. Normalizing the idea of being queer will help him become more confident in his sexuality.

    3. Tomas

      “Awkward” is not the word if she loses Danny to Ethan.

      1. Spencer

        How could she lose him to somebody else? Danny is physically incapable of dumping somebody, so the only way they’re going to end is if Amber pushes him away.

        I mean, considering how much she tried to help Ethan through his coming out, I think she’d be willing to do so for a boyfriend who is also into girl parts.

  46. kodykid168

    But this time there’s sharpies.

    1. neeks

      Somehow I read that as “this time there’s herpes”

  47. Valkalis

    I swear there’s something missing in that last panel. I can’t quite put my nose on it…

  48. Koms

    This time there was a pornlord drawing them for slipshine.

  49. Jason

    But this time Ant-Man is watching them.

    1. Nick J.

      I like where this is going :}

  50. nothri

    In short, Amber, I don’t want my name to be a verb anymore. At least not a verb for failure.

  51. KingToasty

    But this time, there’s an omnipresent fear of global thermonuclear war.

    1. John

      The only way to win is not to play.

  52. Reltzik

    Shhhh! Shut up! Quit Danning it up, Dan! You want to do her right, and if you’ll just stop and listen, she’s TELLING you how to do her right!

    … be prepared to invest in costumes and produce.

    1. Inkblot

      You know, it actually took me reading your comment to realize how much damn innuendo there was in that fourth panel, and I am ashamed of myself, because I literally work on porn.

    2. John

      And the costumes are in the wash, anyway.

      1. Reltzik

        Bah! Amazi-Girl is always prepared for anything!

        In this case…. LAUNDROMAT!

  53. Bicycle Bill

    Steve?  Bucky?  Am I the only one who hates the fact that a lot of this comic strip requires one to have a Google window up to figure out just what the hell is being referred to?

    1. Someone

      Captain America and the Winter Soldier. Of the avengers

      1. Rowen Morland

        Heh, I was stuck on Bucky O’hare trying to come up with a Steve.

      2. Captain Button

        Aka “The movie Cap’n hasn’t seen, which was why Age of Ultron kept confusing him.”

        1. gwalla

          I watched it and Age of Ultron still confused me. That movie is a mess (Winter Solider is great though).

    2. Lord Stoneheart

      I guess it depends on your previous reference pools? I mean this isn’t the first time that Amber has mentioned Captain America slash fanfic.

    3. Tomas

      Just accept that you’re too old to understand these kids today and their crazy rock and roll music.

  54. Clif

    Wow. She’s telling him what he needs to know and he’s still not listening.

    1. inqntrol

      Danny, dannying things up since he was just in only one universe.

    2. Spencer

      How?

      Amber’s only line of dialogue in this strip is, to Danny, “ask me later”. He’s trying to reach out to her and talk to her now.

      1. Clif

        He wants them to talk to each other and listen. She’s talking about his attraction to Ethen. Yeah, it may have the form of slash fiction, but she’s not bringing it up directly till he’s actually ready to talk. She may describe herself as crazy, but she’s very self-aware.

        1. Spencer

          I literally have no idea how you came to that conclusion.

        2. Greenygal

          Danny not picking up that “I like Steve/Bucky” means “I know you’re attracted to my ex”–in response to a question about something else entirely–wouldn’t mean he was a bad listener. It would mean he’s not telepathic.

        3. Lord Stoneheart

          Have we been given any indication that Amber knows Danny is bi?
          Though even then it’s clear he wants to talk about Monday (that little thing where Amazi Girl almost died/seriously injured herself) and Amber is trying to change the subject.

        4. Spencer

          Amber doesn’t know yet, though she does know Ethan came out to Danny.

          Though on a tangential note, I guess it’s a good sign that Danny can take 30 conversations about slash fiction in stride in the middle of his sexuality crisis.

  55. a. ham

    lmao i’m gonna be honest it wasn’t until this page i remembered who danny was

  56. Historyman68

    Oh that Amber, always talking about herself with no provocation

    /sarcasm

  57. Rabid Rabbit

    You gotta get out of dodge, Amber. ‘Cause you’re kinda out of dodge.

    I’ll see myself out.

  58. r

    But this time, there’s a nickel.
    And probably a mike and a mom somewhere nearby.

  59. Bagge

    Danny is there, he is available and he is utterly loyal and devoted. He also gently pushes and coaxes Amber in the right direction and he doesn’t give up. YOU GO DANNY! This is just what Amber needs.

    1. DarkoNeko

      Houray for DAnny !

  60. BenRG

    I think that Danny is doing a very important thing here: He isn’t allowing Amber to treat Amazi-Girl as a separate person. This is understandable, given how badly hurt she was during that incident. A lot, both in terms of their relationship and her mental health, will depend on whether Amber is willing to allow this.

    1. Agemegos

      In the past he allowed her to treat Amazi-Girl as separate, but I think that was only because he thought it was in part a practical stratagem to protect Amber from the consequences of her crimes and in part nerd-flirting and sexual roleplaying. He’s only starting to twig that Amber considers the difference to be psychologically profound. And I hope he won’t be blasé about that.

      1. Spencer

        I don’t think he’s allowed her to separate her identities insofar as he doesn’t recognize that she actually does split them. He plays along because he thinks it’s cute, but he’s very much convinced that he’s dating Amber and Amazi-Girl is just a cool hobby.

        But, yeah, it’s going to become more and more clear to him that Amber’s in a worse place than he thought, and it’s likely that when he clues in he’s going to try and get her some help, if only because he’s ill equipped to solve her problems.

  61. modulusshift

    Amber is actually kinda cute without glasses. Took a few strips to grow on me, though.

  62. Rukduk

    I had to read the comments section to realize Amber was talking about Captain America Slash fiction. I have failed myself as a nerd and shamed my long line of nerdy forebears in the process. I must find a way to reclaim my lost nerd honor.

    1. inqntrol

      Commit Seppuku.(j/k)

    2. Yet Another Laura H.

      I thought she was talking about slashfic, but then I thought I was wrong and maybe she was talking about a dream? I mean, if they make a habit of discussing Stucky fics, Danny, she may already have figured out your secret identity of BiGuy.

      1. Noclevername

        That might require more awareness of problems outside of her own, than Amber has displayed so far. She’s pretty wrapped up in her own pain (not really her fault, blame Father Of The Year, but still a part of her personality.)

        1. Spencer

          I mean, she’s wrapped up in her own pain in that the things personally affecting her tend to take up most of her time, like literally everyone in this comic not named Joyce who’s been forced into the role of BFF-Caretaker.

          She spends a large amount of time fretting over Ethan and trying to make sure he’s safe and happy as well, just not to the level Joyce has with Becky.

          When she unmasked Joyce as the Whiteboard Ding Dong Bandit and Joyce had a trigger-induced breakdown, she tried to console her, and this was at the time where Joyce was that little fundie jerkface who corrupted her best friend into pretending to be straight.

  63. Bunk

    But this time there’s an overarching story which parallels what happened on Monday. Yeah, it’s weird like that

  64. Agemegos

    Is this why there’s a drawing of a college dorm laundromat previewed for the 16th of March?

    1. Falling Star

      One can only hope.

  65. Arianod

    Nobody’s asking the really important question: what happened to Danny’s nose?

    1. Liliet

      I was just going to

      1. Falling Star

        It left to hang out with Zap’s nose.
        [really obscure reference]

    2. Lord Stoneheart

      I think his face is turned enough in the first and last panels that we can’t see it.

      1. JQuire

        It is, but if it were turned far enough for that to happen to his nose, surely we shouldn’t see that much of his open mouth?

        1. Agemegos

          Or of his eye.

  66. Kryss LaBryn

    “–But this time there’s a hentai tentacle monster.”

    (Pretty sure I said that because I just read Weregeek right before coming here and they’re on an anime kick this week. #SorryNotSorry)

  67. Falling Star

    But this time there’s a shota.

  68. Ntrovert60

    …but this time there is a bottle of Mazola…

  69. mlatu315

    In case this is affecting anyone else, I thought you should know one of your ads has been crashing my browser every time I try to visit your site.
    specifically it seems to be a http://cdn.doubleverify.com/ script the one that gives the error the most is 282. Sorry if I left this in the wrong place.

  70. arias01

    But this time there’s “The Anvil” by Visage… and the Red Skull is there too.

  71. Noah

    But this time there’s a giant robot! 😀

  72. Bicycle Bill

    But this time there’s a witness…..

  73. thomas wrobel

    Well, if anyone actually wants to read a complete bucky/steve slash…

    http://www.fanficmaker.com/#ffv3_The+Avengers+(Film)%252CCaptain+America%257CSteve%257CSteve+Rogers%257CRogers%252Cmale%252CSuper+Human+Abilities%252CPainting%252CNew+York%252CEarth%252CBlack+Widow%257CNatashja%257CNatashja+Romanov%257CRomanov%257Cthe+redhead%252CBucky%252CMaria+Hill%257CMaria%257CHill%257Cthe+secretary%257Cthe+brunette%257Cthe+long+haired+woman%252CHulk%257Cthe+green+giant%257Cthe+terryifying+titan%257Cthe+jade+giant%257Cthe+giant%257CBruce%257CBruce+Banner%257CBanner%252Cfalse%252CSerenity%252CLoki%257CLoki+Laufeyson%257CLoki+Odinson%257Cthe+trickster%257Cthe+haughty+guy%257Cthe+brunet%252Cfalse%252CTesseract%252CANY%252CHero%252CMSide1%252C%252C(nostyle)%252C48%252C12%252C98%252C86%252C1449569951045%252CSerenity+Darkmoon+Raven

    😉

  74. CodenameJD

    Danny’s lack of visible nose in panels 1 and 4 makes him look disturbingly Muppet-like…

  75. neon5162

    but this time theres a piranha

  76. gwalla

    Ooh! Ooh! I got this one!

    “but this time there’s a twin sister, Sal”

  77. smooti

    …but this time, there’s a mask.

    Maybe someday someone will tell Danny what’s going on at a reasonable enough time for him to do something. Of course, I am actually happy with his role in the story as Amber/Amazi-Girl’s emotional support since she desperately needs some of that. It’s kind of a role usually given to female characters so it’s almost refreshing to see Danny in it, in a way?

    1. Spencer

      He seems pretty comfortable calling himself Amazi-Girl’s Lois Lane.

      1. Bagge

        Yup. I still think everyone involved would be happier if he was her Jimmy Olsen, but then again, they have surprised me before.

        1. smooti

          Depends, does Willis ship Jimmy/Superman?

      2. John

        The problem is that Amazi-Girl isn’t Superman; she’s Batman.

        1. Spencer

          I guess that would make him Vicki Vale.

        2. Spencer

          Or maybe a particularly cuddly Alfred who can’t cook.

  78. AeroQC

    ‘but this time, there’s A BIG BLACK DICK.’

    That all I could think of, damn you Cards Against Humanity.

    1. Jezi

      Did someone say Steve/Bucky/Sam? I’m here for Steve/Bucky/Sam.

      1. Noclevername

        Ooh! I just came up with the perfect reply:

        “You’ve gotta be Falcon kidding me.”

    2. Falling Star

      ‘A bleached asshole’ could also be a viable option.

  79. Noclevername

    But this time, it’s noseless.

  80. Alexx

    “This time there’s a stapler, a tub of frozen peas, various cheeses, a home enema kit, one roller skate and one roller blade, a snack pack, three socks, some rubber bands, and a jet engine.”

    1. Falling Star

      Okay, I understand the home enema kit, the roller blade,the tub of frozen peas, and the socks, but what’s the rest of it for?

  81. Edupoet81

    Oooh, this is like Mad Libs! I like this game.

    This time, there’s a banana hammock.

  82. Tenn

    Thirty times? He’s a keeper.

  83. Uncle_Fester

    But this time there is a regular pintsize atom bomb.

  84. Rob Cottingham

    “We must have Steve and Bucky over for dinner again. But can they bring something other than Greek salad this time?”

  85. Tomas

    But this time there’s an Infinity Gauntlet. (finger quotes)

    1. Ana Chronistic

      you mean FINGER LASERS

  86. Tomas

    But this time there’s a picture of dinosaurs.

  87. Kenny

    “this time there was a FIRE FIGHT!”

    Hmm, maybe I should watch Boondock Saints again…

  88. Sophonsiba

    I literally took a break from writing Stucky to come read this strip, and for a second here I thought I was projecting.

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