222

Smaller
Posted on September 12, 2017 by David M Willis

222 thoughts on “Smaller”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    what grade does the college give you if your roommate murders you, is Malaya tryna find out

    1. Gwen

      More to the point, what grade does the college give you for murdering your roommate?

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        An A+ Death Sentence?

        1. Delicious Taffy

          Not every murderer gets the death penalty.

        2. Renshear Blade

          well yeah, that was the other’s penalty for living…

        3. pjeseb

          Life in prison is kinda like the death penalty.

          You’re not gettin’ out either way.

        4. Clif

          You need to plan ahead. One does not simply walk into Murder.

        5. Joe Covenant

          Yeeeaahh, but after a while it becomes a bit of a hobbit.

        6. David T. Shaw

          Elf you don’t stop it can be a problem

        7. Mortartarsaus

          They only become a problem if you don’t orc-estrate them properly

        8. Dean

          Sometimes I don’t know what you guys are Tolkien about.

        9. Delicious Taffy

          These puns are starting to Sting.

          On the other hand, if you’re planning a murder, you also shouldn’t spend too much time Dwalin on the fine details.

    2. Emperor Norton II

      At Malaya’s funeral, she will posthumously get A++ on all her grades.

  2. AnvilPro

    Oh damn, I didn’t realize Malaya is a therapist! With her living in the hall she’s going to solve all the major conflicts in no time!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Wait til she meets Mary!

      1. Fart Captor

        Oh my god I’m so excited for that

      2. motorfirebox

        That should be a Slipshine. No sex, no noodz, just Malaya and Mary giving each other everything they each deserve.

    2. shadowcell

      “everybody teams up to murder Malaya, the end”

      1. Rabid Rabbit

        But they wait for her to murder Mary first.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Of course, then they can use Mary as the weapon, and claim they did each other in. It’s Weekend at Bernie’s meets Double Dragon.

        2. Mr. Bulbmin

          You ever get so mad you beat an asshole with another asshole?

        3. Megan Rivera

          I wish I could Love your comment, Mr. Bulbmin, but alas this ain’t FB.

        4. Jon Rich

          Is that a Pikmin reference, Mr Bulbmin? Dear God, it’s been forever since I played that. I miss my GameCube….

        5. Mr. Bulbmin

          Yes indeed it is. I like to think I’m a lot like a Bulbmin- I do a little bit of everything, I’m quite weird, and I don’t leave my home.

    3. WarDragon

      By creating all new ones, no doubt! Nobody will be able to remember the old conflicts, once they have someone that obnoxious to focus on, it’s brilliant!

      1. Emperor Norton II

        I’m sure Mary for one would just love if that happened.

    4. Sherlock9

      If only in the sense of “We have bigger problems than our petty squabbles. Let’s band together and kick Malaya’s teeth in.”

    5. Marsh Maryrose

      Sal “ain’t never met a therapist who was worth shit.” If Malaya actually turns out to be a Psych major, that’s only gonna make things worse as far as Sal is concerned.

      1. Marsh Maryrose

        That link was supposed to go to the previous strip.

    6. Yotomoe

      Billie: Look, you’re just gonna have to walk a bit further to bang that R.A. No biggie. Don’t know what all the drama is about.
      Ruth: Nobody likes their job. If I had a free pass to do it as shitty as I could and still keep my job I’d make up all sorts of stupid laws.
      Amber: Sometimes you just kinda gotta stab a dude repeatedly. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I once threatened to shank a guy fro cutting in front of me in line.
      Joe: You wrote a list about all the dorm girls? The only problem you’ve got is if I wasn’t at least a 9 *cracks knuckles*
      Dorothy: Really? Is it this hard to choose between an idiotic brown manchild and being president? Talk about a first world problem.

      1. Bagge

        Marcie: What? You’re pining after some dumb girl who you don’t even know is into it or not. Just snog the fudge out of her and find ou…..ooooooooh!

    7. Delicious Taffy

      So, Malaya’s actually a version of Vriska, and this entire comic is actually a Homestuck AU?

      1. zoelogical

        im guessing this makes carla terezi

        1. Delicious Taffy

          I suddenly want to see a conceptual crossover…

        2. zoelogical

          SHIT ok ok o k ok

          …honestly i’m looking at this and like there is no one-to-one character comparison, because willis and hussie CLEARLY are coming from very different places in terms of characterization and ideation. i don’t think willis would ever create a one-note character like gamzee or eridan, for example; or at least he would definitely go back later and give them more depth as he has clearly done with Ruth and others. and tbh some of this works but some of it makes me uncomfortable?? and will probably need greater thought before i could even begin. because, like, we don’t really have a dirk strider in our cast here. except maybe amber. ohgod. ohhhhogod. ha. um. yeah.

          but like i have spent my Time In Homestuck i have Paid My Goddamn Dues i can def. do, like, classpecting and a brief pitch.

          earthlings
          joyce: page of breath
          jocelyn: sylph of light
          sal: thief of time
          walky: bard of mind
          sarah: knight of doom
          billie: maid of space
          mary: witch of blood
          danny: seer of heart

          trolls
          ruth: knight of void
          carla: mage of space
          amber: prince of rage
          ethan: sylph of time
          dorothy: witch of hope
          joe: page of life
          dinah: rogue of light
          roz: heir of blood
          malaya: thief of doom
          mike: seer of mind
          marcie: maid of breath
          jacob: bard of heart

          We start on Earth: our humans are the initial protagonists, and the trolls are the ones with future knowledge bothering them out of a sense of their own failures. Personality clashes lead to strife lead to chaos leads to the humans losing the game. Nobody dies, but they are stuck in the most awkward three-year roadtrip of ALL TIME. Mary is put in permanent timeout and never really learns anything from it. They arrive in the new universe to EVEN MORE SHENANIGANS, CHAOS and EMOTIONAL RESOLUTION. millions of fans begin literal flame wars over toxic gray paint in home improvement stores. we weep at what we have wrought

    8. Eyebrow

      I read it differently. Malaya isn’t jus trying to get Sal mad anymore, she is… improving her.
      I think Malaya actually may have a thing for Sal.

      1. zoelogical

        see now you make this sound like a Hannibal au

        1. Clodia

          The least subtle Hannibal AU ever. Imagine how much faster they’ll get to the reveals.

  3. Tacos

    Ruth can attest to that last sentence.

  4. tim gueguen

    Malaya, you’re wearing a hoodie that says “BAD.” You’re not exactly Ms. Original when it comes to rebellion.

    1. Mr. Random

      I have a feeling Malaya would be the person to wear it and say she’s wearing it sincerely to ward people off, but act like she’s wearing it ironically.

      1. Yotomoe

        I imagine Malaya bought it because it was on sale and put no further thought into that purchase. It’s cheap and shows off her currently tight midriff.

        1. Kernanator

          Are you saying that Malaya puts less thought into buying clothing than even I do? Because that is disconcerting.

    2. Rambling Idiot

      It isn’t her choice, it’s a uniform mandated by the university to accurately describe Malaya.

  5. Mandy

    I’m so sorry, Sal, but you look freakin’ adorable in panel 4.

    1. Pablo360

      Sal is angry kitteh

    2. BBCC

      Is she ever not?

  6. Mr. Random

    I’d say it’s more maiming with murder being an incidental byproduct.

  7. Passchendaele

    Murder: the official sport of Read Hall! Bring your friends, we’re running out of “attendees”. :p

  8. Pope William T Wodium

    *Sal calls in Amber as a testimonial*

  9. Pablo360

    It’s tradition, that makes it okaaaaaay

  10. MadArchimedes

    Sorry Sal, but maiming seems to be much more popular than murder.
    Chuckling slowly devolves to unhappy sighs…

  11. Plasma Mongoose

    I like my murders to be groups of crows.

  12. Cerberus

    Comic Reactions: Lucy is a Bobdamned saint.

    That is all.

    1. Halpful3

      🙂

    2. Bagge

      I hope she’ll have an easier time with Billie.

    3. Rukdug

      Personal reaction to panel 2: Sal, you must weaponize Joyce and her triangle smile. There are no other options at this point.

      1. Bagge

        That’s the only way to be sure.

    4. thejeff

      Ain’t she though.
      Can’t wait to see her and Billie interact. Assuming Willis doesn’t surprise us by not swapping them directly.

    5. Scar Man!!!

      Why is that explicitly shown in this strip? She seems to be making innocuous comments and jokes in this strip, as opposed to her usual loud complaining.

      1. Michael Chandra

        There’s no Lucy in this strip. Lucy is Malaya’s former roommate.

        1. thejeff

          But Malaya is still demonstrating why Lucy is a saint.

        2. Scar Man!!!

          How? In this strip, specifically

  13. Badeyes

    Hmm, tasty tasty murder.

    1. Clif

      Who doesn’t love a good murder?

      1. Scar Man!!!

        Us EMS workers. The bureaucracy around it sucks

  14. butting

    There’s been some debate as to whether people do need their femurs to live. Can we test it experimentally? Please?

  15. Kernanator

    Malaya, you are the last person who ought to be talking about “cool-by-committee.”

    1. BenRG

      In her defence (and speaking as someone who doesn’t like Malaya), I don’t think that she has ever claimed to be ‘cool’. She is who she is and doesn’t need anyone else’s permission to be that way but she really doesn’t attempt to put on this facade of ‘cool’ as part of it.

      FWIW, I don’t think Sal puts on a facade; hard experiences have given her a general zen approach to life and others that takes a lot to fracture. She really is that cool.

    2. Emily

      Malaya has never really struck me as pretending to be disaffected in the same way Sal has she just seems to genuinely not really give a fuck about most things and when she does give a fuck she doesn’t hesitate to express that.

  16. Yotomoe

    I love Malaya. I don’t care. Something about her brand snark is so much more appealing to me than some of the others. Plus Sal is making it really easy for her to be a smartass. Don’t feed the Troll, girl.

    1. Jon Rich

      Wait, since when did it become more socially acceptable to
      to troll people than to be a target/victim of trolling? Malaya isn’t “snarky,” she’s just an asshole.

      1. Yotomoe

        Trolls wanna get a reaction out of you. Reacting to them means they win. Even if you broke her legs she wins. Ignoring them and keeping a cool head is how you best a troll. Or if you can flip their shit on their head and get them to react or leave.

  17. Keulen

    I’d say they like their attempted murder, since technically none of the characters in Read Hall has actually murdered anyone yet.

    1. Tacos

      How do we know? We’ve not found any bodies yet.

    2. John

      … That we know of.

      1. BBCC

        YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING.

  18. Fart Captor

    Murder ^_^

  19. Foxhack

    Malaya’s clothing sponsored by Toriyama’s.

  20. Bagge

    Awwwww. Malaya tries to bond.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      …You’re brain is an interesting place, isn’t it?

      1. Fart Captor

        I’m with Bagge on this. This seems downright friendly compared to pretty much any other interaction between them, at least from Malaya’s end

        1. Yotomoe

          Malaya’s a good girl. So friendly.

      2. Bagge

        I’m not saying she’s good at it, but that’s what I think she’s trying to do.

    2. Remmington Steele

      Needs more glue.

      1. Jhon

        I think you meant ‘grue’.
        (Another victim of autocorrect?)

        1. thejeff

          Nowhere near dark enough for that.

    3. Eyebrow

      I agree. This is advanced negging. Malaya is trying to get Sal into bed, or into a relationship.

      1. Delicious Taffy

        You’re totally right.In fact, if we zoom and enhance…

        (Please let this work, it’s my first HTML link…)

      2. CJ

        Shit, if that is true, Marcie will never talk with Sal again.

  21. Deathjavu

    Mistake, Sal. You should’ve introduced her to Joyce, I can just imagine Malaya’s constant jabs and insults just whistling past uncomprehended or ignored.

    And how frustrated that would make Malaya, since that’s pretty much all we’ve ever seen her bring to the table.

    1. Bagge

      It would be Malaya and Lucy all over again.

  22. C.T Phipps

    I hope they finally do fight and Sal gets clobbered. As much as I like Sal, Mal has no need to put up with her ****.

    1. Emperor Norton II

      And what about all the shit Malaya herself could use a good clobbering for?

      1. C.T Phipps

        She’s obnoxious but Sal has attacked Malaya from beginning to end. I *HATE* Malaya but I still side with her in this case.

        1. Emperor Norton II

          So you think Malaya should give Sal a clobbering… And then once that’s finished, a bunch of people led by Lucy (who’s finally had enough) should storm the room and give Malaya a clobbering?

        2. C.T Phipps

          Mayala needs a verbal smack down. Sal wants to punch Malaya, I just say let her and then get someone who can fight back. Maybe they could also have a skating contest where Sal is utterly owned.

  23. Synnerman

    Yeah, I had forgotten how much I strongly dislike Malaya. Marcie, you have bad taste.

  24. Nope

    Sal you are never in the room anyway, it’s not that big a deal aside from you hating her an her hanging out with your best friend while you aren’t.

  25. Dara

    Reed Hall BEST Hall, clearly.

  26. Gesc

    The only bad thing about them fighting is that Sal gets nothing positive out of beating the snot out of Malaya. Whereas Malaya, who is in it to make Sal suffer, wins either way.

  27. Marsh Maryrose

    Panel 3: Why is Malaya casting her eyes down? Up to this point, she’s been confrontational, eye-to-eye, toe-to-toe, mano-a-mano. And now she’s..what? Revealing that she secretly wants Sal’s approval? I don’t understand, but this is definitely a change-up of some kind.

    1. pjeseb

      Going by what she said in that panel, I’m guessing her expression is kinda meant to be the equivalent of an eye-roll. Like, Sal’s ‘farce’ is so tiring to Malaya that she has to rest her eyes for a second.

      It fits in with all the rest of Malaya’s condescending behavior.

    2. Eyebrow

      Yes. Malaya actually likes Sal, or the genuine Sal she hopes to see under the disaffected cool shell.

  28. pjeseb

    So, here’s something that I’ve been wondering about for awhile, and since the new Slipshine starring Ruth and Billie has come out, I guess it’s as good a time as any to ask:

    How do you guys feel about porn in general?

    And more specifically, about straight males watching/enjoying lesbian (for lack of a better term) porn?

    The first question is pretty broad, so feel free to comment about any particular aspect you want: Is some porn “worse” than other porn? Is it different for singles versus people in a relationship? Is porn addictive? Etc.

    As for the second question… I’m sure it’s pretty obvious why I’m asking, but just to be clear: I’m a straight guy.

    There it is, tell me what you guys think. And remember: the Pornlord is watching!

    1. Yotomoe

      I like porn. Porn is good. Enjoy whatever porn you’re into. Especially drawn porn cuz it can do all the crazy shit you’re into. I mean fine, if you’re against certain kinds of porn that’s your prerogative but I’m sort of a “no kink shaming” kinda guy. You do you. Especially if your fetish is selfcest.

    2. Emperor Norton II

      Ever since I discovered I Feel Myself (which is mostly showing women masturbating the way they want to), mainstream porn’s been “ruined” for me. Because let’s face it, mainstream porn is crud. Crap.

      Because as much as I like watching women enjoying themselves sexually, mainstream porn is not about women (or anyone, really) enjoying themselves; it’s about following directions and putting on a show. A show with loud, fake moaning. And I cannot, I cannot, I absolutely cannot stand that fake moaning anymore.

      And I am so damn grateful for that.

    3. Gesc

      Porn is a good way to learn some stuff for later. You gotta take it with a grain of salt of course.

      And why would anyone care what kind of porn you watch? I mean, in a perfect world. Two ladies getting it on can be hot so yeah, whatever.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        “Porn is a good way to learn some stuff for later.”

        Yeah no. It really isn’t. Most things you’ll ‘learn’ from mainstream/vanilla porn is simply wrong; and the few things it got right are things one already knows*.

        *Such as how a phallic object might be inserted into an elastic slot.

        1. Emily

          Hell, some of the things you’ll learn if you take porn as an educational source are downright dangerous.

        2. Gwen

          This is the problem. People take “insights” from porn into their real lives, both in and out of the bedroom. For example, when a guy hits on me and I tell him I have a girlfriend, it’s not uncommon for him to propose a threesome. I don’t mind men thinking “girl-on-girl” is sexy (and hey, I like me some yaoi). The problem is when the idea that queer female sexuality is for the benefit of straight dudes seeps out into the real world.

          And I think content-creators and consumers should try to create and consume porn that authentically portrays female sexuality, rather than some fantasy version designed for the male gaze. Seriously, I know zero people who have orgasmed from scissoring, and few who cum from penetration with no clit stimulation. It doesn’t necessarily have to be “gentle” or lovey-dovey; it just has to center on a realistic idea of female pleasure.

    4. Badgermole

      Straightish woman here. What the Emperor said: porn that has women obviously faking things do nothing for me. And in my experience, when straight male friends watch said porn, they got a lot of wacky ideas about what sex with a woman is really like. I’ve had to counsel at least one straight male friend who was having some difficulties having sex with his very first girlfriend – step one was forget everything you’ve assimilated through watching porn, step two is start listening to what she wants. I also don’t kink shame (underage porn is the only exception) but I do think a lot of porn is made exclusively for the viewing pleasure of straight men and it could potentially blinker them about what’s real and what’s simulated.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        We hereby bestow upon you Ten Imperial Internet Points for teaching your male friend something that should be common sense, yet somehow isn’t.

        Also half an Imperial Internet Point for understatement of the month: “I do think a lot of porn is made exclusively for the viewing pleasure of straight men”

        1. Hrovitnir

          It’s. So. Annoying. Because I’m not interested in touchy-feely porn – OK, that’s a weird way to put it. But porn “aimed at women” tends to be more gentle/”nice”/I don’t know how to put it. I don’t want that, I just want porn where people actually seem to be enjoying themselves and don’t make terrible fake-enjoyment sounds that make me wince and throw me out of it. (I admit I should make an effort to see if there is stuff out there that appeals to me and pay people for their work (!!), but am pretty lazy.)

          Re: original question. I have no inherent problem with porn or dudes watching lesbian porn. I do have a problem with what feels like an industry that is often actively degrading despite an audience that is largely neutral on that (if you have a kink for that you do you, but can it not be seen as neutral and standard?) I also have a problem with dudes treating lesbians and bi women like they exist to get men off, but that is an action well removed from watching porn.

          I actually used to be more pro-porn but I’m a bit tired by how much the grossness of society is often reflected and distilled there. I still disagree porn creates societal problems, but it sure can reflect a lot of misogyny and fucked up attitudes about sex. It’s a complicated topic, but my feelings on porn as it current exists is *waves hands vaguely*.

        2. Hrovitnir

          HA, I’m blowjob cat. I’ll take it.

    5. Remmington Steele

      Ted Cruz likes it, so it must be good for you. Right?

      1. butting

        Yeah, but he also likes Donald Trump.

        ARRGH GROSS NO YUCK GAH GAH GAH EWWWWW

        dammit my brane just Rule 34’d me

        1. Emperor Norton II

          Just because I love you all:

          https://twitter.com/choochoobear/status/907478659124088834

    6. Emily

      In general the commodification of queerness for the consumption of straight people makes me pretty uncomfortable, especially while we still live in a society that is overall still pretty damn homophobic. It treats us like a voyeuristic kink for straight folks rather than actual people.

    7. Yumi

      If you read up on the porn industry as a whole, it’s very often horrifying in various ways, so I’m not a fan of that. There are probably more conscientious studios and websites out there, but even those I wonder about.

      I try not to kink shame, but there are also kinks that I don’t want to run into in an everyday setting and also dislike the popularization of. (aka, can the “daddy” thing please stop.)

      I do think that people should be able to be critical of porn and of kinks, especially those that are most popular and those that show strong indications of sexism/racism/homophobia/etc. Often I see views on pornography broken down into “pro-porn” or “anti-porn” treated as blanket statements when I think there should be more nuance than that.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        Yumi, I could not agree more with you if they stamped “Yumi is Right” on my forehead.

    8. CJ

      Difficult. I came from a very old-fashioned feminist disgust of all porn to taking a look at what’s out there and, well
      – I haven’t found anything on youporn that didn’t make me sick in some way
      It’s not only that they are constantly playing with the idea of sexual abuse of minors and you will see previews of that stuff no matter what your search term was, it’s also that most gay male or “lesbian” stuff there is based on violence or at least serious power imbalances. Not to mention that there’s practically nothing lesbian about the stuff tagged as lesbian.

      – And OMG, the constant female ejakulation ! ? Talk about unrealistic depictions. Yes, it exists, but how many women know how this works for them?

      -Thirdly, I found that after some initial arousal (with better stuff like crash pad series) I just get bored.

      So a) I still subscribe to the feminist tenet that a lot of porn, practically all mainstream porn, is harmful to viewers because it instills totally unrealistic ideas about sex. And no, just like with violent video games it’s not the conscious but the subconscious processing that creates the problems. Anything out body reacts to is not something our conciousness controls.

      b) Kink turns me off.

      c) I get bored watching someone else have sex for more than 5 minutes.

      1. Emperor Norton II

        While I don’t get bored as such, when I do use porn, it’s… Well, basically, it’s for a quickie. And it’s mainly just to get it out of the system; because it’s not really that enjoyable compared to even just fantasizing in my brain.

        And online chatting is about ten million times more exciting, since that includes another human being that actually wants to have sexy times with me personally. And it lasts a hell of a lot longer than five minutes too.

    9. Jhon

      I draw the line at guro.

  29. Opus the Poet

    Well TBH the one that was murdered kinda deserved it for raping several women on campus and who knows how many before he came to school who wouldn’t testify against him because he was a preacher’s son.

  30. BBCC

    Shhhh, nobody tell Malaya that Sal’s been mad before, once at her and another at AG, both times in her vision. It makes her so happy. Nobody pop her bubble. 😛

  31. Tom T.

    Malaya’s first sentence is really confusing out of context. I was trying to puzzle out: What are “hall people”? How does one “read” someone like a bed? I almost had to draw a diagram.

    1. BBCC

      The hall they live is called Read Hall.

      1. Mr. Random

        I always thought it was Read hall?

    2. Jhon

      Hall People got no reason…

      1. GoblinScribe

        It’s what makes ’em so easy to read.

  32. bryy

    Of course Malaya moved in with Sal just to try to “improve” her.

  33. Rukdug

    Looks like Ruth’s going to have to bring a shovel with her tonight, because one of these two will be in need of a grave by morning.

    1. BenRG

      Either that or a family-size carton of tissues because of the mutual-breakdown sob-fest across both sides of the half-bath!

  34. RogueParasol

    Yeah, I don’t like Malaya thus far. I see the narrative benefit to her straight forward nature, but I don’t find that mitigates how much of a jerk she is; I’ve personally never been more charmed by people/characters who are unrepentantly loud jerks than I have been by those who are more secretive jerks. Like…being “honest” aka constantly blunt isn’t inherently a good trait. Sometimes it just makes you devoid of courtesy and manners.

    I realize most of the characters in this comic are blunt or aggressive, but we’ve seen less of Malaya and that seems to ALWAYS be her mood, even when diplomacy might be called for. Such as this strip.

    1. RogueParasol

      Aaaand of course I get Robin (I think that’s Robin…), the other character I dislike for being willfully obtuse and blunt. Perfect.

      1. Danni

        there, there *pat pat*

    2. Emily

      In general I don’t like Malaya because she was rude to Lucy and that is an unforgivable sin but I do get a kick out of her needling Sal because, well, Sal is also a total jackass when it comes to their interactions and it’s nice to see her “too cool for school” facade broken because A) it’s super boring from a characterization perspective and B) it’s not terribly healthy.

      1. Spencer

        Lucy is pretty great.

      2. Cephalo the Pod

        Oddly enough, Sal’s “‘too cool for school’ façade” doesn’t keep her from actually going to school (and putting effort into it, even).

  35. Yotomoe

    http://imgur.com/a/QYhmH

    1. Bagge

      See, Sal. What’s not to like?

    2. SgtWadeyWilson

      Welcome back, Yotomoe, these “Malaya is awesome!” signs were getting pretty heavy.

  36. Thor

    See, this is why Malaya is in my top 10 fave characters in DoA.

    Dina is 1st, of course, and then it’s a 6-way tie between Ruth, Robin, Leslie, Becky, Dorothy, Joe, and Malaya. Billie is 8th. After that, the ratings fluctuate by day, except for Danny, who is perpetually in last, whether he has done anything lately to deserve it or not.

    1. Thor

      Damn it. 7-way tie. Need an edit button.

    2. Stella

      Where is Joyce on your list rn?

      1. Stella

        Also: I’m surprised at the strong reactions of both pro-Malaya and anti-Malaya, because I feel like she’s barely every in the story?

        Is Malaya one of those characters who had a bigger role in the other universes? I mean, my mental image of Malaya is, “hostile roller derby girl who Marcie likes,” or sometimes, “like Carla, but less nuanced.” But everyone else seems really invested in her as either a villain or perhaps a foil to Sal.

  37. Samantha Johnson

    Sal there is only one thing to do tell Joyce you will let her brush your hair in favor for swapping rooms secretly. Late tonight while Malaya is asleep you go next door and joyce wakes malaya up with her sunahine smile and a welcome present and asks her id she wanta to go to a prayer meeting. Burn her with kindness and enjoy her sugary suffering

  38. Michael Lanting

    Don’t you know the reason she always wears gloves is you never know when you want to murder somebody and you don’t want to leave fingerprints if you do.

  39. Eldritch Gentleman

    I don’t think even removing both of her femurs would stop Sal from clawing Malaya’s eyes out… she’d just need to do a bit of climbing.

  40. BenRG

    Yes, Malaya’s coming across as a condescending a snob but… If Sal weren’t so invested in her anger towards her, she should have followed up Malaya’s slip in panel 3. That was a very, very lonely and unhappy young woman talking; one who is used to being rejected and failing to make emotional connections.

    1. OnyxIdol

      Interesting point. I’m not sure I follow your analysis all the way through, but there *seems* to be something there.

    2. Sam

      She rejected Lucy who was perfectly open and receptive to her. I don’t think she is lonely and unhappy, I think she just genuinely hates people that she doesn’t think are good enough or deserving enough to recognise how awesome she is. Which is most people.

      1. CJ

        That’s not really a contradiction to being lonely. Usually, it’s hard to decide which came first, because it’s such a nice vicious circle.

    3. Jhon

      Underneath the fake condescending asshole, there’s a real condescending asshole?

    4. BP

      That would align with her SP! admission to Ultra Car, that she’s never really related to anyone and felt bitter partly because of it.

  41. zoelogical

    kitten dreams of nothing but murder all day

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      Because the kitten is a Predator and needs to eat.

      1. zoelogical

        needs some delicious sinigang

        although the odds of said kitten actually catching their prey is…small…fortunately

        1. Eldritch Gentleman

          This made me think… imagine a kitten wearing Predator (as in, the movies ones) gear and hunting mice.

        2. zoelogical

          cat!!!!!!!!

  42. Badgermole

    Could Malaya possibly be jealous of Sal and her “cool by committee” image? Seems to me she’s trying to jab her just enough so that she’ll lose it and stop being cool, but doesn’t really dislike Sal herself.

    1. Eldritch Gentleman

      So she is a tsunderish equivalent of Joyce?

      1. Joe Covenant

        Who on earth is *that* avatar of?

        Looks like D.o.A being channelled by Dudley D. Watkins!
        (Look ‘im up!)

        1. Eldritch Gentleman

          I have no idea… they look cute though, in an angry punch-baby kind of way.

        2. butting

          Looks like we haven’t seen the last of Sydney Yus after all.

        3. Eldritch Gentleman

          She shall have her vengeance!

        4. Bagge

          FOOOOOOL!

        5. Emperor Norton II

          Someone seems to relish each and every time Sydney is mentioned…

        6. Bagge

          And that will be my UNDOING!!!!

          …wait

        7. Joe Covenant

          Ooohh yeaaahhh…

    2. Sam

      I don’t think so; Malaya sees herself as awesome even though she is an utter bongo to almost everyone she encounters. She actually legitimately seems to think this is helping Sal rather than just being completely horrible to her and going ‘see, I’ve helped you!’

    3. Emily

      I dunno, she could just find it insufferable like I have always found that particular brand of affected disaffection.

      1. C.T Phipps

        Malaya may have many flaws but Sal is the one who constantly ****s on her out of jealousy of her friendship with her bestie.

      2. Emperor Norton II

        Oh yeah, nothing wrong with disliking that brand.

        But considering how Malaya is also reeking of that particular brand of affected disaffection… or rather, -trying- to appear as if she’s reeking of it, it does seem a bit like she’s jealous that Sal’s managed to do it successfully.

  43. Cephalo the Pod

    I’d argue that more Read Hall residents have been targeted for attempted murder than attempted it themselves.

    1. Mr.Morningstar

      Huh

      You’re not wrong

      1. BP

        So by trying to make Sal kill her, Malaya’s just trying to fit in?

  44. BenRG

    Right… Sal and Malaya’s neighbours are Joyce and Sarah, right? So, Joyce isn’t simply annoying, she’s actually going to be a serious threat to her sanity. Sarah, on the other hand, will be a threat to her physical safety. Not as much as Ruth if she gets on her bad side but bad enough!

    1. Suitora

      I think Sarah probably wouldn’t give a shit. Difference between Sarah and Sal are that Sarah is even-tempered and cool-headed because that’s how she is. Although a lot of characters joke that she’s violent, Sarah only hit:

      A) A rapist, so human scum, and it was especially excusable since he was attacking Joyce.

      B) Raidah, who probably harassed her for months about her decision regarding Dana, as well as implied that Dina was stupid in order to make fun of Sarah (hence why Dina doesn’t like Raidah). And Sarah apologized later.

      Sarah hates Billie, but never hit her. Only shouted at her when she was poking at the same trauma. And Billie sort of asked for Sarah’s scorn. When reading through their interactions, Billie has not put forward a positive image of herself. Sarah basically has only seen her as irresponsible, vain, nosy, and most importantly, a threat to Joyce’s personal safety.

      Sure, Sarah acts out of anger sometimes, but mostly she bottles it in and it comes out as sarcasm.

      In comparison, Joyce is more physically violent. She punched Joe along with Mike for essentially being crude (which I don’t recall her ever apologizing for). She shouted and physically threatened Walky for breaking up with Dorothy.

      Honestly, I wouldn’t fear Sarah, I’d fear Joyce. Don’t get on Joyce’s bad side. However, Joyce might be a little bit sexist with regard to violent behaviors, so they may not transfer to Malaya. Walky and Joe are both male, so she might think that she can’t do damage to them because “men strong, women weak”, even though Joyce individually is a powerhouse.

      I’m sort of wondering if Willis is doing a low-key social experiment. How many people buy into the racism targeted toward Sarah? Sal, most people already recognize the racism toward her (save a few examples) since Sal notices it and calls it out, but when it comes to Sarah, most of the racism that targets her is subtle, and she probably doesn’t notice or care about it all too much since she isn’t very social.

      1. thejeff

        I’ll bite.
        What racism has targeted Sarah?
        There’s Joe’s “hot angry black woman” thing, which plays off several stereotypes. Carol’s comments early one – but those were blatant.

        As for the violence, while Sarah has only hit the two you mention, she’s threatened violence more often – to Joe at least.

        I doubt the perception of Sarah as more violent than Joyce is too tied to racism, but to general demeanor. Joyce is sunny & positive and friendly, except when she’s hitting you. Sarah … is not.

        1. Fart Captor

          Joe was stubbornly ignoring Sarah’s requests that he fuck off, making her understandably on edge and defensive.

          Ben’s perception that Sarah might just fly of the handle and attack Malaya simply because they won’t get along is rather iffy, especially when he has no such perception of Joyce, who literally assaulted Joe for ogling their waitress. It’s a safe bet that racial bias factors into it on some level

        2. BenRG

          Thank you for judging me without knowing me.

        3. Fart Captor

          I honestly wasn’t. People can have unconscious biases without being horrible, cross-burning bigots. I’m not completely free of them myself.

          If I’m completely off base, then great! But based on your original comment and the prevalence of that stereotype, it wasn’t exactly a huge leap to suspect bias might’ve played a role

        4. zoelogical

          racism affects all black people to different extents and in different ways. it’s the background radiation of sarah’s life. regardless, the stereotype of black people as more violent is prevalent and highly dangerous. the history of police shootings in the USA, where this comic is set, is proof positive all on its own. if you were looking for proof, i guess.

          but even if those were the only two incidents, wouldn’t that be enough?

        5. thejeff

          Obviously. Thinking more of Suitora’s “How many people buy into the racism targeted toward Sarah?”
          If you’re going to do that in fiction to contrast racism against different characters, you’ve got to actually show it, even if subtly, not just rely on ‘of course there’s racism against her, she’s in the US.’

        6. zoelogical

          mmm.

          in which case i feel like doing that kind of social experiment is entirely unnecessary and even counter-productive. you don’t need a social experiment when you have so many examples of bias already out there with their ids fully exposed for everyone to see. a white dude doing that kind of a social experiment is never a neutral thing; a white dude doing that kind of a social experiment is someone unaware of the world around him. and tbh once we get to social experiment theorizing territory i kind of doubt the good intentions of the people involved. :/

          i don’t think it’s always necessary to show racism when you can show the after-effects of racism. we don’t need stories about people being racist; we need stories about people dealing with racism, about people surviving racism, about the harm it does and the recovery from it. like: racism itself is a very traumatic thing. its survivors deserve the respect the survivors of any other violence deserve.

          …this feels kind of like the mindy anna thing again. where it’s super complicated and there’s a lot of competing nuances

          i do think there’s a tendency for women of color to be more abrasive in this strip. you’ve got Sal, Malaya, Anna, Robin, Sarah, Roz, Billie – vs. Lucy, Sierra, Dina, Marcie, Riley? Raidah?

          but then like you look at your white ladies. abrasive: Ruth, Carla, Amber, Becky, Rachel, Penny, Mary – vs. Dorothy, Joyce, Leslie, Jocelyn, Daisy, Mindy.

          which, ok, our women of color are at 7:6 where our white women are at 7:6. but of that, 4:1 of women of color appear on a regular basis (Sal, Sarah, Roz, Billie, and Dina) where 4:3 of white women appear on a regular basis (Ruth, Carla, Amber, Becky, Dorothy, Joyce, Leslie).

          so….idk. like. you’re allowed to focus on what you want to focus on, to tell the story you want to tell. it’s just that your story isn’t going to be free of racial context. the problem comes when you’re the only story, because then there’s a greater onus on you not to screw up, because it matters more.

          so like that’s probably just as much an industry thing as it is an individual thing

          …i’ve come to the end of this and realized that i didn’t include any of the parents. or the one lady in hijab who works at the reed hall counter. hmm. considering a recount.

    2. Fart Captor

      I gotta agree with Suitora here. Sarah isn’t a violent person in general. Unless Malaya physically attacks Sarah or Joyce, Sarah will probably be perfectly content to avoid interacting with Malaya anymore than she has to, which will suit them both just fine.

      Joyce might well annoy the crap out of her with her attempts to be friendly, though.

      1. segnosaur

        Joyce may annoy her, but she has has changed a lot since the beginning of the comic, which waters down some of her more annoying traits. And I have to say, I think Lucy was portrayed as a lot more ‘clingy’ than Joyce ever was.

  45. BrokenEye, the True False Prophet

    Whoa, too soon! Come on, Sal.

  46. Ryan

    No, do it. Kill her. End it now before it’s too late.

  47. darkoneko

    This going well *gets popcorn*

  48. BenRG

    I suddenly realised what I’d say to Malaya to shut her up: “Malaya, you’re a Read Hall person now too! You need to realise that our problems are now your problems and our quirks are now your quirks!”

  49. JohnnyO

    Sal’s hands thirst for femurs

  50. FacelessDeviant

    Alright, Malaya is winning me over. She’s pretty witty.

    And I like her nose.

  51. Spencer

    Does anyone have advice for dealing with anxiety problems at work?

    I started a new job two months back and I’ve had to call in sick six times now due to experiencing anxiety attacks either at home or at work. I had to force myself in today and couldn’t calm down no matter what I did.

    1. Minotaur

      How do the attacks start?

      1. Spencer

        I just get nervous and freak out and it doesn’t stop. I can’t calm down.

        Like today I woke feeling okay but as I was getting ready for work, and when I arrived I was in a different office and, for whatever reason, that was the last straw for me. I don’t understand it at all. It makes no sense.

        1. Gwen

          I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Anxiety often doesn’t make sense. In the moment, your job isn’t necessarily to understand it, but to address it and diffuse it. Question one: are you in therapy? Because if it’s affecting your life this strongly, you need professional help, and there’s no shame in that. Question two: is this an issue you have struggled with before, or is it specific to this job? Question 3: have you, when calm, made a list of actions to try the next time you panic? We’re more resourceful when not in the middle of a crisis.

        2. Spencer

          I need to see a therapist, yeah. I have one I’ve been thinking about and I hear is good.

          I’ve been dealing with this specific brand of anxiety since last summer. I suddenly began stuttering and being unable to speak clearly and it’s never gone away, and now that I’m at my first real post-college job this is happening.

          I don’t really know what to do that would help.

        3. anonymsly

          I can say that when I started having anxiety freakouts (bursting into tears at work for no real reason, among other things) therapy helped me a lot.

          For me, it turned out that I have some control issues that mean that whenever things in my life or environment change my brain rebels. Thanks to therapy I have a list of tips and tricks to use to soothe myself and prevent freakouts. Weirdly, just having the list has helped.

          So I definitely recommend/support the therapy decision.

        4. Spencer

          TBH I think I hate therapy. I hate pouring the same damage out over and over to different people who I’m just a number to. I just want to cut that part of my brain out with a hacksaw.

        5. Gwen

          It sounds like you’re not finding a good fit for therapists. There are a lot of bad ones out there. I’ve run into enough of them to know, and Sal will back me up! It sounds like you might benefit from someone who is focused on coping skills, like someone with a background in CBT or DBT rather than a “traditional” psychodynamic counselor.

          We strangers on the internet gladly offer advice, but there’s only so much we can do. I recommend looking at a site like Psychology Today, where therapists describe their approach, coming up with a list of questions, and calling around to see if you can find a better fit. Any therapist worth anything will talk to you on the phone for 10-15 minutes so that you can get a sense of whether they might be helpful.

        6. Stella

          Things that help anxiety in the short term:

          1. Go to a GP (General Practitioner, aka a “regular” doctor) and explain the symptoms of your panic attacks. Emphasize all physical symptoms–does your heart race? Blood pressure drop? Sweat? Dissociation (this is feeling like the world around you is no longer real, or like you’re looking at the world through glass).

          Ask if the GP can prescribe you a panic attack relief medication, such as Xanax or Adivan. Don’t take more than the recommended dosage, and take as soon as you feel the initial panic symptoms; don’t put it off until you dissociate or hyperventilate.

          2. Your GP should be able to recommend a CBT / DBT counselor. While you’re on the waiting list (for me the wait took about three months, but it widely varies depending on where you live), I’d recommend checking out Kati Morton online.

          Kati Morton is a therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders and eating disorders. She has a lot of YouTube videos answering specific questions, and she has downloadable workbooks to help you kick-start your own therapy. All of her resources are free.

          3. When a panic attack is coming on, in addition to taking the medication if you have it, focus all your attention on an immediate, physical task. For me, this is drawing maps in a sketchbook. Some people draw mandalas, or do origami, or knit, or even do a set number of pushups. It should be a short, concrete task that involves your body moreso than your mind.

          4. Schedule self-soothing things throughout your day and week. Could be anything that comforts you. Long bubble bath, listening to music in the dark, spending time with your most encouraging friend.

          Good luck! You can definitely make it through this. This will not last forever, I promise.

    2. zoelogical

      what is making you feel anxious?

      1. Spencer

        Nothing really specific. It just happens.

        Like I was feeling off getting ready but then I arrived at work and I was in a different office. That makes no sense. That should not be a thing that makes me anxious.

        1. zoelogical

          -nod nod- i think it’s pretty normal for anxiety to feel irrational, tbh. and sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. like. idk, for me personally i get super anxious when i want to make a good impression on people i like to the point that it makes it really difficult to interact with them and make that good impression and kind of alters the dynamic a Ton, even when i know that they like me and that i have nothing to worry about from them and i could just be myself. if i stopped worrying and being anxious. which is impossible, obviously!!

          are you being shifted around a lot at work? transitions can be stressful and hard to manage, especially without prior notification, and not knowing where you’re going to be can be super stressful. are they changing the things you’re responsible for? do you feel like you can predict what an average work day will be like?

        2. Spencer

          Yeah work is usually the same IDK this just randomly happens. Most days I’m okay or I have small hiccups I can power through but today just felt like too much.

    3. Marsh Maryrose

      I don’t have any useful advice, and the fact that I’ve been through what you’re going through now, and still don’t have any useful advice, is probably not going to help. But I hope that it does anyway.

      (Also, this was 20 years ago, and many things have changed for the better since then.)

      Many years ago, I went into a new job, and it did not go so well. And it was not anything that anyone at work did, but within a month, when I left the house for work in the morning, my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn’t put my house key in the lock with one hand — I would have to steady the key hand with the other hand to get the key in the lock.

      It was a professional job, and people were relying on me, so I had to be there. And honestly, I needed the job to not be homeless. So I powered through during the day. Honesty compels me say that I self-medicated with copious amounts of beer after work, but that’s a really bad idea if you have other options.

      The ability to just show up for work, no matter what, is a good skill to develop. I hope you are able to find something that will help you, not just cope, but get into a good space.

    4. Halpful3

      * Ask A Manager and Captain Awkward almost certainly have articles about this in their archives.
      * I second the suggestion to find a *good* therapist. in the meantime, there are books on mindfulness and CBT (and probably DBT too).
      * in the short term, benzos are useful for putting off a panic attack. you do *not* want to be on them daily, though, only as-needed. sometimes just having the bottle on me was enough to get through the day 🙂 (also you can’t be on benzos and making long-term improvements at the same time, apparently they do something that interferes with that type of learning)
      * did you have any prescription changes around the time this anxiety started?

      Mindfulness will both help you process emotions and help you catch the panic attack earlier when it’s easier to avert, so do as much of it as you can stand.

      *hugs*

  52. ValdVin

    Did I notice correctly that since Malaya got here (this chapter) the only expression seen on her is a downturned mouth? Did she even open her mouth in any neutral way?

    I don’t need a Little Mary Sunshine for a roomie, but that’s a bit much.

  53. Nymphie

    Urgh, Malaya is the “im not a jerk im just honest” type. I broke up my friendship with my best friend for that many years ago (we became friends again later)

  54. Joner

    “malaya is just real”

    this isnt real, this is just rude. i cant stand her, she’s insufferable. maybe somebody will kick her ass and she’ll leave.

  55. Clodia

    I ❤️ Malaya.
    I ❤️ Sal.
    This argument is a delight.

  56. jothki

    Clearly, Malaya and Roz need to swap rooms.

    1. BP

      I’d pay good money for that to happen.

  57. Jhon

    Next poll: Who at IU would Malaya consider as a compatible roommate?

    1. Reltzik

      Marcie.

      1. Reltzik

        …. ohwaitnotastudent. My bad.

    2. Marsh Maryrose

      Sarah, obviously. Misanthropes unite!

      I am not pursuing any cross-universe shipping at this time, and I don’t know if IU allows trans women to be roommates with cis women, but this-universe Malaya and this-universe Carla are totally compatible as roommates. Misanthropes unite!

  58. Tenchan

    Yep, they like their murder medium rare with plenty of BBQ sauce.

  59. Halpful3

    What, no Conscience Cat joke? I am disappoint 😉

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