186

Cooties
Posted on October 28, 2023 by David M Willis

186 thoughts on “Cooties”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    and definitely not while on the dryer

    …should Joyce see Cells at Work! to understand what happens to germs from people kissed months ago

    1. Risky

      She should not. Nor “Yumi’s Cells”.

      1. Mark

        Maybe start with something from The Magic School Bus?

  2. Cholma

    The thought never crossed her mind!

    1. Doctor_Who

      Joyce: “I don’t think about Joe and Jacob kissing! I read Amber’s BatmanXNightwing fics and imagine the two of them being played by Joe and Jacob! It’s totally different!”

      1. clif

        But which is which. We need details.

        1. Lokitsu

          For SCIENCE!

        2. Mark

          They take turns.

      2. Shadowsnail

        Ethan is Ra’s Al Ghul or Jason Todd?

        1. Decidedly Orthogonal

          Why Ra’s Al Ghul? Why not Osiris’ Al Ghul, or Joker’s Al Ghul, or Alfred’s? Al’s Al Ghul. I like that.

  3. Slartibeast Button, BIA

    All life is interconnected…

    1. clif

      But some is more interconnected than others.

  4. NGPZ

    Dotty ain’t wrong.

    Joyce really said “no homo” there huh? XD

    1. Imogen

      mE, a StRaIgHt GiRl,

    2. anonymsly

      Well, she said she’s straight. ‘No homo’ is usually more denigrating, implying ‘homo’ is a bad thing, in my experience of the phrase, which Joyce certainly isn’t doing.

    3. RedWarlock

      Yaoi and m/m slashfic are overwhelmingly written by straight women, for straight women, and are sometimes seen as objectifying and reductive, especially by some gay men.

      It annoys me, but I don’t actively object to it.

      1. Li

        Every survey we’ve ever conducted of the community has shown it’s majority queer people of varying gender identities, not straight cis women, actually. Plenty of trans men have also figured themselves out through it. So, like, maybe those gay men should get some perspective.

        1. Kelibath

          Plus, Joyce is riffing on that figure here – or rather Willis is riffing on it for a punchline through Joyce, which honestly feels more self-insert than average given that she probably hasn’t read an awful lot of erotica by this point – by describing her private mental stimulation as exploitative. And, well, sure, some strong favourites could potentially end up being problematic in extreme circumstances if she’s totally ignoring ingroup perspectives, I guess. But creating media of m/m because it sells well is quite a step up from thinking about two men you find attractive for a moment.

      2. Coco

        Here you can see one survey saying it’s only 14% of people writing fics who identify as straight: https://www.flowjournal.org/2023/02/fan-demographics-on-ao3/

        1. Ari

          Honestly, I think the issue here is that the people in question are real (to Joyce). She doesn’t seem to have issues with fictional slash fic.

        2. Kelibath

          It does add another dimension of awkwardness and potential invasion of privacy – but she’s only thinking about it, not publishing it.

        3. gears

          That’s an internal survey of a single website, one with a culture that is…not representative of everyone.

    4. NGPZ

      Eh i just havin fun here, all good,

      anyone else staring at the full moon?

      1. Laura

        The moon is like a salve. A balm for the senses.

        1. NGPZ

          Right? ??

          How have you been Laura? glad to know the full moon has also been a nice reprieve from whatever ails ya

        2. Laura

          Thanks, hon’.

          Just having a bad PTSD day. Also been experiencing kind of brain-glitch-short-circuit-meltdowns recently. Hard to explain.

          How about you, hon’? How’s things going for you?

          Funny how when a DOA character has an episode of out of control behavior (Dina, Sarah, Billie, Amber, Joyce…) it’s just presented as part of their character arc. Not as something glitchy in their brains… more like, just, how they are and how they respond to extreme provocation. (Such as, in Dina’s case, trash-talk about dinosaurs, or, in Sarah’s case, the presence of Raidah and perceived threats to Joyce.)

          It’s wild, how a comic strip can normalize extreme experience.

        3. NGPZ

          Yeah Willis is quite the remarkable author that way, it may also be down to the fact that he’s neurodivergent himself (over halfway through an autism diagnosis actually)

          Sorry to hear about your meltdowns Laura, that must really suck. Hope you feel better soon ?

          Ive been pretty worn myself lately. Coding may be a passion, but maybe i should give myself a break this weekend… ?

        4. Laura

          Just heard this wonderful radio program about the importance of making time for rest:

          https://www.npr.org/transcripts/1196977965

        5. NGPZ

          dammit i worked today aaaaaaaaaa. can’t help it i wuv the satisfaction of logical problem solving ?

        6. NGPZ

          awe well, at least at night i can enjoy some edibles to the light of the full moon ?????

          (and just in time too, my legs have started to hurt…)

        7. Laura

          Enjoy!

          (Finally hit the jackpot with my avvy!)

  5. Dafydd

    ♪What, never?♫

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      ♪No, never!♫

      1. RassilonTDavros

        ♪What, never?♫

        1. brionl

          Well, Hardly Ever!

        2. cbwroses

          ??????

        3. StClair

          ah, the classics.

        4. Roborat

          Did not think the venn diagram of Gilbert and Sullivan fans intersected with this comic.

  6. Sirksome

    Joe should kiss Jacob….not Ethan though, he might turn emo from his emo cooties. /

    1. anonymsly

      God, what would Emo!Joe even be like?

      1. clif

        Tempting to consider, but I’m holding out for Emo!Mike.

      2. Laura

        I think Joe’s already BEEN emo over Joyce!

        1. Shadowsnail

          My Chemical Joemance

      3. Decidedly Orthogonal

        He’d probably just be very ejoetional.

  7. Nenja

    Love Joyce’s expression in the last panel. ?

    1. Thag Simmons

      Turns out this comic’s pretty good at creating situations where there would be faces and then drawing the heck out of those faces

      1. True Survivor

        Mr. Willis remains a master of the webcomic.

  8. Ray Radlein

    she’ll be in her bunklaundry room

  9. Just an Armadillo

    Dorothy your rational argument has been rejected on the grounds that the alternative is extremely hot.

    1. Quirdry Tawks

      Cue Adam Savage: “I reject your reality and substitute my own.”

  10. Nono

    I’m not a straight girl, so I can think about it.

    Get Asher in there too.

    1. clif

      Asher’s not a straight girl, so he can think about it?

  11. Kyrik Michalowski

    Dorothy is good for Joyce’s mental health, but is the reverse true?

    1. Kyrik Michalowski

      Nope

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        Also nope

        1. Kyrik Michalowski

          Definite nope.

        2. Kyrik Michalowski

          This is acceptable, but one more try tonight.

        3. Kyrik Michalowski

          It isn’t Sal, but Fuckface is acceptable.

        4. Mym

          I was SO thrilled to get Sal 2nd try, but Fuckface is excellent

        5. clif

          Now you’ve gone and ruined the curve for the rest of us.

        6. cbwroses

          I seriously thought this was a bunch of people saying Joyce wasn’t good for Dorothy’s mental health until I saw the 2nd F*ckface and looked back at the names. ?

        7. Mark

          You, too?

    2. Imogen

      This is a really weird question, considering the entire arc of this chapter so far seems to be, “Dorothy realizes she needs to be around someone who makes her smile, and that someone is Joyce”. This is literally Dorothy’s self-care right now.

      1. Kyrik Michalowski

        I meant in terms of whether “taking care of Joyce” is actually helping Dorothy, or if it is just another way for Dorothy to avoid her own problems for a while. Clearly she is happy to be around Joyce, but I worry that she is using Joyce as a bandage on a gaping wound.

        1. Doopyboop

          I also think Kyrik’s question is reasonable to ask because this storyline started with Dorothy having a very trauma filled nightmare about being unable to save Joyce.

        2. Imogen

          You know, this is a good point! Maybe I’m misreading the story beats. I do think this is an extremely sweet scene, and I’m connecting with it with my own contexts that may be biasing me a tidge.

        3. Doopyboop

          I think it’s a sweet scene too, and honestly I do think Joyce and Dorothy are good for each other in the end! They just need to have some sort of communication where Dorothy can admit how much she worries for Joyce and Joyce can find some way to help that anxiety (either with verbal affirmation or some sort of system like… just spitballing but if it was me, I’d give some sort of text notification akin to like ‘hey besty, just letting you know I’m alright’ on days where they don’t hang out). Realistically I think Dorothy does need either some space from Joyce… or just more healthy interactions like the one in this strip, as opposed to situations where Joyce is relying on Dorothy for things.

          I also think Dorothy just needs a really good cry and for Joyce to hold her and let her know everything’s okay.

        4. clif

          That’s how it starts.

          You write a little hurt/comfort scenario and the next thing you know you’re at full slash.

        5. Doopyboop

          “Everything’s gonna be okay, Dorothy… I promise” Joyce cupped her friend’s chin, smiling softly at her. Dorothy’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears, before her gaze drifted from Joyce’s bright blues to her smiling mouth.

          “Joyce…”

          “It’s okay, Dorothy. You wouldn’t be the first girl I’ve ever kissed…”

          Cut to Joe imagining the above scenario.

        6. Inahc

          very true. very, very true.

        7. Mark

          I think one thing that Dorothy is doing, is enjoying a simple soluble problem. She might be doing other things too. It’s efficient!

        8. DashWallkick

          This is true, but keep in mind she ALSO pushed Joyce away so she could “focus on her career” and that made her even more miserable. I don’t think it’s a solved problem because this comic goes sllloooowwwwww but she at least might start to correct her self destruction now that she’s pointed the right direction.

        9. Imogen

          That’s definitely a trickier question! But the type of self-care she’s been pursuing has been pretty expressly the “I need a break from worrying” variety. Playing lazy video games didn’t help because it felt empty for her. Helping Joyce makes her smile.

          I can honestly say that most “lazy” self-care doesn’t work for me. Like Dorothy, I’m too Productive to feel relaxed doing nothing. It just makes me feel yucky and stagnant. Self-care for me is doing the dishes, cleaning out the chicken coop, baking cookies: small, productive tasks that make me feel immediately satisfied and accomplished. For Dorothy, it’s pampering her friend who makes her laugh.

          She is objectively avoiding her problems today, but that *was* her stated, conscious goal from the moment she woke up. She’s trying to take a day off.

        10. Coatl

          Good point

        11. Bogeywoman

          Ooooohhh… Good questions.

          I think yes, but as with all things in moderation. Making Mac and cheese for a friend date is moderation. Part of my self care plan is doing something kind or helpful for someone else because it affirms my sense of self worth, connection and dedication to my values. Like eating dieting or exercise if it becomes obsessive and negatively impacts her life then it’s time to step back and reassess. Dorothy seems to have recognised that she needs to change how she’s operating, and I hope she invites Joyce to help her work through that. Also her psych. Gotta be honest with that bugger and get a plan sorted.

          Self-connection:

          It wasn’t good for me when I stayed up every night to wake my sister up from PTSD dreams, went through her police statement everyday and took on the bulk of her business responsibilities while prepping for her abuser’s trial. I see Dorothy’s recent micromanaging of Joyce’s classes and personal life as a similar obsession/addiction type behaviour that would lead to burn out and anxiety.

    3. Thag Simmons

      reply hazy

    4. Bash

      Yes and no. It’s clearly a calming experience for Dorothy to help Joyce with her problems. But it also gives Dorothy an excuse not to deal with her own issues.

      1. DashWallkick

        I think pointing herself at caring for her friends in small, social ways isn’t really her not dealing with her issues. She thinks she can grind herself to death into stopping tragedy from happening ever again, and she’s learning that isn’t feasible. She’s still going to have difficulties letting go, but at least her “work” is pointed the right way.

        1. Archieve

          The big thing for Dorothy is finding a good balance in being helpful but not a caregiver to her friends. This scene is showing a more healthy and typical way a friend can help another through personal dilemmas without giving mother knows best vibes.

  12. Steve

    (Magenta) You mean, she…?
    (Columbia) Uh huh!

  13. Jo_cubstar

    All the queer kissing

  14. CMasta1992

    The straightest girl in the entire series

    1. clif

      Bent but not broken.

  15. Mym

    I aM sOoOooo StRaIgHt

  16. Doopyboop

    I would say Joyce does have a reasonable concern about the possibility of contracting Herpes Simplex A, considering how easy it is to pass through kissing.

    1. Coatl

      We can assume that Joe is not stupid enough to allow any contagion

      1. Mym

        Hmmm, I would never assume the smarter option from Joe

      2. Doopyboop

        Cold sores aren’t always visible and it’s not something people always disclose when they’re dating or just fooling around. People don’t think about it.

        1. Doopyboop

          Like, shit, I have Herpes Simplex A and it’s because my mom had it and gave me kisses when I was a kiddo.

        2. Mym

          Not to mention mononucleosis!!!! I got that from sharing a milkshake with a girl. No kissing involved

        3. HueSatLight

          90% of adults have EBV antibodies. 50% of 5 year old children. So she could already have had mono, from something other than kissing.

        4. Bittersweet

          Yeah, my daughter is a smol and she has cold sores because my Mom kissed her when she had an active one (probably the angriest I’ve ever been, btw. Caring for a two year old having a cold sore outbreak for the first time was a heartbreaking nightmare with how little I could do to ease her pain.)

          Kinda not fond of the soft implication that people with cold sores have made poor decisions in their lives and are something to be wary of, considering that she’ll be marred by these for the rest of her life and it absolutely was not her fault. I imagine it’s actually that way for most people.

        5. Doopyboop

          Regarding that implication, if I implied that then I am very sorry for that, I did not mean to. Like your daughter, I too have cold sores as I explained and what I meant is moreso that I know growing up, I had my share of kisses and never thought to think “oh I shouldn’t kiss/should check in with someone about cold sore stuff before I kiss them” beforehand.

        6. Autogatos

          Yup, someone I knew in high school had herpes because a stranger (a nice friendly elderly woman) kissed him when he was a baby. It’s a possibility a lot of people don’t think about (and I’m glad I heard that story before having a kid of my own).

      3. morleuca

        “That’s why I never kiss ’em on the mouth” some other guy with a J name

    2. Piph

      I don’t recall if Joyce’s church used individual cups of grape juice for communion. But, if not, it’s highly likely she’s been exposed before.

      1. Doopyboop

        I think they did use individual cups, I remember her getting grossed out by the idea of sipping off the same cup at Jacob’s church. https://www.dumbingofage.com/2017/comic/book-8/01-face-the-strange/kneel/

      2. Regina phalange

        Given that 70-80% of adults have it, a decent amount of those adults are asymptomatic but still shed the virus, and it can be transmitted a million other ways besides kissing (particularly from parents, and I understand there can be some connection with a history of chicken pox)—there’s still a decent chance that Joyce has been exposed already.

  17. Lia

    fujoshi friday. saturday

  18. Reltzik

    I’m not sure whether this is a sign of Amber’s influence on Joyce… or not.

    1. Mym

      She DOES love those fanfics

    2. AY

      (cw I mention SA a few times here)

      I’d say Amber’s influence certainly helps, but for someone trying to overcome attempted sexual assault by someone of the opposite sex, what’s safer than indulging in fantasies that remove her own identity entirely from the equation?

      This probably sounds silly, but I’m just speaking from experience after years of analyzing my own crud, so I’m probably just projecting. Fwiw I ended up nb and queer as hell, so if Joyce really is anything like me, she’ll change her pronouns in a few years lol. But for the time while I was processing sexual abuse, it felt safer for “me” (my assigned sex) to not be involved in any fantasies until I emotionally healed enough to allow it again.

      So like, not to take the comment too seriously, but also you got me thinkin’ and thonkin’ about it

      1. Bash

        I think as a (former) repressed fundie it also feels safer to have fantasies that do not involve her specifically.

        1. DashWallkick

          And as a woman, too. All the girls who do filthy, depraved m/m art that I know will tell you outright it’s because it’s where they can play in sexual dynamics without it telling on themselves too much, even though it objectively does.

      2. Inahc

        …
        huh. that… might also apply to chronic pain.

  19. Raen

    I would say Joyce had taken the worst possible lesson from intersectionality, and maybe when this strip was written that would’ve been true.

  20. DailyBrad

    That’s a lot of combined height and shoulder width in that makeout pile.

  21. Derek

    You can actually get mononucleosis through kissing alone, dunno if that’s what Joyce would count as an STD or not

    1. HueSatLight

      Thinking about the Bob’s Burgers episode about mono (and implicitly sex and STDs), where Tina turned the “Mono will kill you” play into a celebration of [smart] kissing.

  22. HueSatLight

    and Becky, Keener. “do you think Joe’s now kissed Ethan, Jacob, and Becky?”

    1. anonymsly

      Becky would fight the entire universe wherein that thought existed. Starting with the person who thought it and working out, soaring only herself, Dina, and an awesome science lab.

  23. Peter

    Oh, she’s thinking about it. She’s thinking about it A LOT.

  24. poofdepoof

    Transitive kisses…
    Joyce kissed Jacob who has kissed Raidah ?
    Joe kissed Sarah’s sis who has kissed Sarah’s boyfriend who has kissed Sarah ?

    I mean the math is flawed but you can’t say it isn’t fun

    1. Mym

      Sounds like Sarah and Raidah are close to making out (I just love the hateship, ignore my delusionality)

    2. Needfuldoer

      “Transitive kisses”

      Isn’t that a Mary Chapin Carpenter song?

    3. Mark

      Somehow it all converges on Kevin Bacon.

      1. Schpoonman

        I was going to say the web eventually spreads across the entire world but that’s way better.

  25. Dday

    “I have devised a cunning plan to relieve you of this specific moral constraint.”

    1. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      “Is it as cunning as a fox who has just been named Professor of Cunning at Indiana University?”

      1. Thag Simmons

        “It’ll have to wait. I’m sure it was better than my plan. I mean, who would have noticed another Lesbian around here?”

    2. clif

      “I have devised a cunning plan to relieve you of this specific moral constraint.”

      That has all the earmarks of a quote of something, and yet Google is of no help.

      1. eh, whatever

        It’s not a direct quote. It’s a plan so cunning you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.

      2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

        I’ll be that guy and note that this is a running gag in the TV show “Blackadder” where Baldrick says he has a “cunning plan” and Blackadder asks if it as cunning as a [silly example as above]. And when Baldrick reveals his plan it is something ridiculous or deeply stupid.

  26. BBCC

    Sure you don’t, sweetie. Sure you don’t.

    1. BBCC

      And new season of search for Sal begins! Stay tuned.

      1. BBCC

        Oh FUCK no. Double part premiere then.

        1. clif

          Keep going. You might get it on the next try.

          I mean, you won’t, but you might.

  27. Yotomoe

    And Becjt

    1. Yotomoe

      And becky

      1. thakoru

        Dang it, I came down here to say that. I got so close to the bottom without seeing it only for my hopes to be dashed at the last second.

        1. thakoru

          Oh hey new gravitar.

        2. clif

          May the gravitar be with you always.

      2. Bash

        Oh, does Dorothy not know about that?

      3. Needfuldoer

        And by the transitive property, Dina and Kaitlin.

      4. Mark

        “Hey, what about me???” — Becjt.

  28. JA

    Laser-guided.

  29. Taffy

    Joyce should commit a murder.

    1. milu

      Murder is the solution to most problems ?

      1. Quirdry Tawks

        You sound like my cat.

        1. milu

          who’s to say i’m not your cat?

  30. An Old Bear

    Germs are real! But are germs sins?

  31. Suet

    It was only a kiss, Joyce, it was only a kiss!

    It’s not, like, there’s a matrix of who’s kissed who – specifically on the lips

    1. Taffy

      Now she’s fallin’ asleep, and she’s calling a cab, and while he’s calling a cab, and she’s takin’ a cab

  32. Bash

    Well that took a turn!

  33. UrsulaDavina

    Elsewhere Amber has a sudden urge to to write a slash fic.

  34. HueSatLight

    hey, anyone remember that theory that Dorothy had sex with Joe during the timeskip? That would make this part of the conversation awkward, but not until now obviously.

    1. Thag Simmons

      i do not remember this theory

    2. GholaHalleck

      I would think Joe has more self respect…

      1. Mym

        Wow, rude. It’s self-disrespectful to have a hookup with Dorothy?

    3. HueSatLight

      It was based off of Dorothy saying she’s slept with like three people.

  35. Da Boy

    Good job Dotty, you just planted the fujoshi seed in her brain.

    1. Freezer

      Amber would have eventually if she didn’t.

      1. Daibhid C

        Joyce reads Amber’s fanfic. That ship (assuming fujoshi means what I think it means) has well and truly sailed.

        1. Da Boy

          If I’m not wrong the English equivalent is Yaoi Fangirl

  36. Freezer

    Think about it! Think about it lots!

  37. GreyICE

    Definitely straight. Very straight. Not at all bi.

    1. GholaHalleck

      silly wicket, there’s no such thing as bisexuals, just ask everyone else!

      Hah aaah….. I’m bitter…

  38. DashWallkick

    Theory; Dorothy’s “your fundie brain” comments about silly stuff you believe that you can’t let go of either is currently or will soon help her realize she’s doing the exact same thing with her notions of “if I work harder I’ll stop the world from having pain or tragedy ever again”

  39. ValdVin

    Is it possible for a human to go “FWEEE!” like an AI over at QC? Because Joyce seems to be getting close.

    1. Quirdry Tawks

      Ya kidding? I’ve been fweeing for the past seven Yoto-fic installments.

      1. NickG

        Pine-scented like Bubbles?

    2. Schpoonman

      Before Jeph gave it an in-universe explanation Looney Tunes had been doing it for decades.

  40. Nicoleandmaggie

    I think it’s neat that you can see the effect of that gender and sexuality class from first semester.

  41. milu

    Hi lovelies,
    Hit that sexy, sexy pseud above my comment ? for a new instalment of Malaya being a fakey top.
    NSFW.

  42. DarkoNeko

    i guess it depends if said germs are as transmissible as COVID is.

    1. GholaHalleck

      Cold Sores for everyone!

    2. Angel

      i’d imagine dorothy to be more worried about future germs b/c apparently one of her ‘first bfs’ she sneezed on and said ‘it was a thing adults do to empty their sinuses’ onto each other and be more hesitant /cringe at that the next time she thinks about kissing ppl

      but i imagine it’s fine as long as ur not actively sick

  43. Vulcanodon

    Fundie brain will keep harassing her at unexpected times, for the foreseeable future

  44. Bo

    amber, in dark cloak: “no, let the thoughts flow through you. maybe they *HAVE* kissed…”

  45. thumb

    Man, the old fundie brain simply does not want to let go. Joyce, you can have private fantasies. Nothing wrong with that.

    1. milu

      Left arm: christian fundamentalists
      Right arm: extremely online straight teenage girls
      Hands clasping in the center: thinking way too much about male gay sex

      1. Quirdry Tawks

        Curious… why did you go with this idiom, rather than the Venn diagram?

        1. GholaHalleck

          venn diagram has outliers that are not part of the collective.

          Predator hand clasp = solidarity across the board.

          Or “the venn diagram would just be a circle”

        2. milu

          ah ty i’d forgotten what the meme was called =)

    2. Angel

      i mean, it can be weird to have fantasies about ppl you know (tho not as cringy as that one screenshot/tweet of like “you should text ppl and ask for their consent if you want to fantasize about them” b/c that’d be way more awkward)

  46. WAhydrohead

    Did someone wake up with some damp panties?

  47. Steamweed

    Joyce now is inspired for her new comic series. Which will NOT be publishable in the school newspaper. She finds a website for posting such things; it’s called “Slippery and Shiny.”

  48. Amós Batista

    They are so cute. ?

  49. wakeangel2001

    maybe if Joe never washed his face he’d still have germs from the girls he kissed before, but then I don’t think you’d WANT to kiss him in that situation

  50. Cmd1095

    The Amberfication has begun in earnest

    1. Needfuldoer

      The general anxiety level of the comic remains constant, it’s just redistributed.

  51. milu

    one possibility that Joyce has never, ever thought about a lot

    1. milu

      (nsfw) (the f stands for fuckin)

      1. milu

        never, ever, ever (nsfw <3)

        1. NGPZ

          Looks like we will soon have yet another member of the Porn Lord Pantheon it seems! Fantastic work Milu!

    2. NGPZ

      Aye aye aye… ✌️?

      *JoJo Pillar Men Theme plays in background*

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