140

Kitchen
Posted on June 27, 2014 by David M Willis

140 thoughts on “Kitchen”

  1. Geminia999

    But what about the Horseshoes?

    1. Tunaro

      How do you fuck a horseshoe? On second thought, don’t answer that.

      1. 3oranges

        If you really wanted to know, you would take COAS 122.

      2. Jaxx Sentinel

        The question you should be asking yourself is how do you NOT fuck a horseshoe.

      3. Tenn

        1. Flip them over.
        2. See all the wriggly pointy bits.
        3. Put your pants back on and walk away.
        4 (Optional). Have nightmares.

        …No, wait, that’s horseshoe crabs.

        1. Sir Wafflington

          You got crabs from a horseshoe? Just use a magnet-they’ll lift right off.

    2. Mr. Random

      What part of EVERYTHING don’t you understand?

      1. LiaHansen

        most of it

        1. Mr. Random

          Okay, well think of that stuff, okay?

  2. Kernanator

    …COAS?

    1. AHA

      College of Arts and Sciences?

      1. vlademir1

        College of Arts and Sciences seems right… but the courses are listed under a categorical (likely department) code (MATH, ENG, GNDR), rather than COAS directly, on the IU website.

      2. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

        Yeah, definitely sounds like an arts class

    2. Seerow

      Was asking the exact same thing.

    3. Yotomoe

      Cocks and Ovaries of All Species?

    4. Tunaro

      Come Over And Screw?

    5. Carriethedragon

      My best guess is “College of Arts and Sciences,” but I’m pretty sure those classes are actually under the COLL heading? So either I’m wrong (I mean, I did literally just register for classes, but I’m an incoming freshman, and I’m ignorant) or it’s just changed since Willis was there.

    6. Kernanator

      Okay, so it seems that it most likely stands for “College of Arts and Sciences. At my university, there’s a similar thing, but it’s called the “College of Letters, Arts, and Social Sciences”. And yes, it is abbreviated as CLASS.

    7. Mr. Random

      Long list: incoming

      College of arts and sciences.
      Collage of arts and sciences.
      Collage of artists and sensations.
      Colon and the artists that sigh.
      Crazy Oprah and her Army of Snakes.
      Cookies of Apple Sauce
      Common Orphans and the Adult Sacrifices.
      Continue Onwards my A-ward Son
      Cereal Opinions and Appetite Selections
      Clear Opera of Average Snoozing.
      Capable Ollie and his Alligator Seth.
      Etc.

      1. Deanatay

        ‘Of’ shouldn’t be included in acronyms. I live in the USA, not the USOA.

      2. TachyonCode

        I have had Cookies of Apple Sauce. It was pretty… tasty.

    8. Plasma Mongoose

      Cathouse Offering Anal Sex?

    9. Reltzik

      Googled “Indiana University COAS-S 122”. Got a class site hit. Looks like COAS-S was once the letters for the Communications department, which is now CMLL-C.

      COAS-S 122 is (was) Interpersonal Communication. Course description: “Practical consideration of human interaction is explored. Special attention is given to perception, verbal and nonverbal language, and attitudes in dyads and small groups, in face-to-face, digital, or mediated situations. No prerequisites.”

      …. researching this made it funnier, rather than killing it. I’m as surprised as anyone.

      1. Swerve

        …But what does that course have to do with “horses”, whatever they are?

        1. Luke

          Have you ever TRIED interpersonal communication with a horse?

        2. Leorale

          It’s like regular communication, but you have to whisper.

        3. Animal

          A horse is a horse, of course, of course.

        4. Gigafreak

          So that’s where Mr. Ed went when he retired from show biz.

        5. xKiv

          – Worse, Mr. Morse! Your horse is off course!
          – Curses!

      2. tinfoil theory

        This is just further proof of Willis’ genius. Thank you for your research.

  3. Yotomoe

    Nope. Billie is Majoring in banging.
    She’s minoring in booze.

    1. derick

      She seems a lot more proficient with booze. Perhaps she should switch.

      1. Yotomoe

        Well that’s why she’s taking classes! She’s improving her banging! But she’s already Drinking at a proffessional level.

        1. Lord Geovanni

          im pretty sure Billie is dry from she reached college and there for failing her banging class

        2. qka

          If she wanted to to drink at the professional level she should have gone to Wisconsin.

        3. Bill

          I don’t think she would have been suitably qualified.  One underage drinking/DUI is nothing in Wisconsin, so Madison would have been out of the question.

        4. Ancestral Hamster

          In that case Billie should have gone to a Florida party school and double majored in banging and boozing.

        5. rachel

          tip for all of my friends: people binge drink at every school

        6. Plasma Mongoose

          If Billie became a professional drinker, she couldn’t qualify for the Booze Olympics.

        7. Lord Geovanni

          coach billie is skipping her pre drinking exercises we need to find her

        8. Plasma Mongoose

          Yes, Billie really needs to continue to exercise her KEG-el muscles.

        9. Catullus

          That would benefit both her minor and her major!

      2. Nono

        But everyone always ends up doing better at their minor than their major.

        1. rachel

          not I! I took a math minor because I looooooved it, but the classes to get the degree (which I ought to just finish up some day) were significantly harder than those of the much less specific minor. my degree was in french, which was a much easier degree for me than math.

    2. Deanatay

      There’s nothing minor about Billie’s study of booze.

      1. xKiv

        Drinking as a minor?

  4. NCP19

    Sounds like a class that Roz would get all A’s in. Sal too maybe.

    1. Yotomoe

      I think Billie’d do worse than Roz but better than Sal. A solid B student.

  5. Tunaro

    Turn of phrase, or most intense porno title ever? You Decide!

    1. Yotomoe

      Not since the trilogy of ” Penis in Vagina.” or the Sequel “Penis in Butt”, or the 3rd film, “Vagina in Vagina” has a porn been so aptly named.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        How does one put a vagina into another vagina in a way that doesn’t make it gorn?

        1. Yotomoe

          That’s why it’s a cinematic masterpiece!

        2. neeks

          First thing that comes to mind is the sex scene from “the lawnmower man”, where they kinda goop together with the help of virtual reality and it mentally scars the female participant for life.

        3. nekobawt

          and also the viewer.

        4. Gigafreak

          Isn’t that something like scissoring?

      2. gwalla

        So you put the smaller vagina in the larger one, sort of like a sexy turducken?

  6. chris73

    Forgive my ignorence but what is COAS122?

    1. Catullus

      It’s a communications class.

  7. MrSirk

    That’s a real class! Ask my ethics teacher.

  8. Plasma Mongoose

    What is featured in this class, erotic MLP fanfiction?

    1. Yotomoe

      Clopping and Other Awful Stuff 122.
      Where everyone looks through the entirety of Rule 34.

      (The chapter on sonic’s gonna be intense)

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Sonic R34 can be a whole seperate class in of itself.

      2. rachel

        what’s clo—

        nevermind nevermind nevermind leaving now thankyougoodbye

    2. newllend

      Female bride Megatron? That actually kind of cool, youvet had a lot of avatars before but this takes the cake

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        I haven’t used Mega-Bride for a number of months now and of cause s/he takes the cake… wedding cake that is. 😛

  9. Wonder Wig

    Hey 122 is pretty good freshman placement.

  10. newllend

    On MY GOD, screen fucking load already!

  11. -Sentinel-

    But Dorothy, the community kitchen won’t get you into Yale!

    1. Disloyal Subject

      Au contraire; it rounds out applications and resumes nicely, AND will look good when she runs for President if anyone goes digging.

      1. Leorale

        Plus it helps hungry people.

        1. merkury

          helps what?

  12. JessWitt

    Is that dumblr photo of a specific Star Wars actor holding up a sign advertising DoA for reals or photoshopped? Honestly I can’t tell.

    1. Blue Dragon

      There exist versions of that photo with different messages on the card.

    2. David M Willis

      There’s a lot of versions of that picture, but mine’s probably the real one

      1. begbert2

        Okay, how the toothache did THAT come to pass? (Not to imply that international stars wouldn’t want to read your comic, but I haven’t seen a lot of instances of them impromptu advertising, well, anything. Did you give him a hundred million dollars?)

        1. Deathjavu

          …oh internet, never change.

          (guys it’s fake, this is willis yanking your chain)

          (I mean come on there’s a few hundred shopped versions of that photo)

        2. rachel

          yank yank yaaaaaaaank

        3. gwalla

          Willis, this is the point where you mention to begbert2 that you happen to have some prime swampland in Florida you can sell to him cheap.

        4. Deathjavu

          I thought it was oceanfront property in Kansas

        5. begbert2

          What can I say – I don’t trawl around the dumbass corners of the internet (twitter, tumblr, facebook, reddit, ect) and so I haven’t ever encountered that image before, and I don’t assume that people are always lying. Unless they ask me for money; then they are always lying. (This tends to get me into trouble at supermarkets.)

  13. newllend

    Wow everybody’s blowing her off today, first Walky now Joyce Damn.

    1. MrSirk

      It’s probably a side effect of the terrible mood she’s in. Your attitude can and will effect the events around you.

      1. JessWitt

        I recommend the book “Eleven” by Mark Watson. It’s a fictional story about that very thing you mentioned and a stark unfolding chain reaction of events.

      2. Ancestral Hamster

        If only since the other people around you quickly tire of you.

  14. AgentKeen

    I don’t think she’s doing very well in that class. I mean, we haven’t seen her fuck anything yet.

    1. John

      Up! She’s fucked up!

      1. Yotomoe

        And she really Screwed the pooch on the whole relationship with Ruth.

      2. XMinusOne

        She must be a Bottom if she can only fuck up. 😀

      3. Catullus

        She fucked a DVD of Up?

  15. Cameron

    For those curious, I GTS’d COAS 122 and while it’s only the Northwest campus, the University of Indiana lists COAS 122 is part of the College of Arts and Science.

    The course? Interpersonal Communication

  16. Pyr05

    Coagulants & Obstetrician Academic Study?

  17. Swerve

    I can see that I’m not the only one who doesn’t recognize that acronym.

    I have another question: what is a “horse”? Is that the Earth quadruped with black and white stripes, and unsplit hooves? Or is it the flightless avian with a long neck? You used to use both of those species for land transportation, right?

    1. Ancestral Hamster

      Neither. A “horse” is an artificial construct made of wood used as a temporary support while working with other pieces of wood.

      1. Swerve

        And by “wood” you’re referring to plant matter acquired by cleaving a deciduous tree apart with an ax or saw, and not using some sort of euphemism that a several million year old sapient robot that transforms into a truck wouldn’t recognize, right?

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          Re: “wood”. Although the term “wood” can be used as an euphemism for an erect penis of a sexually aroused human male, that was not how I was using the term in the previous post. As you deduced, it was in the sense of harvested plant matter from a deciduous tree.

          By the way, evergreen trees are used in regions without deciduous trees or where scarcity means deciduous woods are used for the most crucial functions, leaving softer evergreens for less important functions.

          Bamboo, while a member of earth’s grass family, is wood-like in hardness and a remarkably versatile construction material.

        2. Swerve

          So why would anyone ride a stationary harness made out of stationary organic harvested from dead trees? That just raises more questions!

        3. Swerve

          That should read “made out of organic material”. Sorry. Another typo to hide from Ultra Magnus!

        4. begbert2

          Whenever you hear about weird inexplicable behavior in humans, it’s usually reasonable to assume it has something to do with sex.

        5. Swerve

          Yeah, that’s the general consensus at the bar. Whirl disagrees (no surprise there). He thinks that all of these weird, inexplicable behaviors are related to violence. (That’s not much of a surprise either.) Cyclonus actually agrees with Whirl on that one (which is a monumental surprise, right up there with the outcome of a certain trial). Of course given what happened to Cyclonus on his only visit to your planet…

      2. Animal

        That would be a “sawhorse,” although my career-carpenter Grandpa (born 1898 and thus a man of a different era) used the archaic term “sawbuck.”

        1. gwalla

          I thought that was another term for a $10 bill.

        2. Gigafreak

          If a ride costs you ten bucks, I will direct you to your mom, who offers them for 0.5% that price.

        3. Animal

          True enough, but the two are not mutually exclusive.

        4. Swerve

          It drives Ultra Magnus up the wall (figuratively, of course; he doesn’t have magnetic tires like Trailcutter does) when words have multiple definitions. He takes it personally when one or more of the definitions is a colloquialism. Magnus has been known to arrest ‘Bots using slang in their reports.

          Anyway, I asked Bluestreak what a “horse” is. He said he’ll schedule showings of “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” and “Back to the Future: Part III” so he could point them out.

  18. Calvin Coolage

    Took me forever to catch back up, I’m back on the ride.

  19. Liamstrain

    Not C2H60?

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      As in ethanol?

      1. Liamstrain

        Aye – I thought it would be clever for someone with a drinking problem, to offer a course number which was the molecular formula for ethanol.

        1. Swerve

          That would require Billie to have a basic understanding of the chemistry involved in fermentation and distillation. As a metallurgist, most of my work back at the Kimia Station (which has been declassified, now that the war is over) involved analyzing metals on their molecular level, either to find new ways to create stronger alloys (such as for starships hull plating, armor for frontline infantry or for defensive installations), or to study enemy alloys to try to find ways to damage them. That often required me to work in tandem with a weapons engineer like Brainstorm or Ironfist; I may know how to make the periodic table dance at my whim, but I’m not an engineer by any stretch of the imagination.

          The skills that let me analyze metal, also allow me to distill energon (and energon substitutes) into engex using the distillery in my bar. Not just anybody can pull that off! By the same token, just because someone drinks alcohol, doesn’t mean that they know how to ferment or distill it. Grapes and other fruit can ferment naturally, or the process can be sped up by adding sugar or yeast. The problem is that adding too much can cause the liquid to ferment too fast and become vinegar rather than wine. Distilling grain or other plants into vodka or scotch is a delicate process that takes time. And beer? Billie can drink an ocean of beer and wouldn’t know how to brew malt properly.

      2. Deanatay

        Wouldn’t that be C2H5OH?

  20. Idon'tcarenomore

    Someone looked it up already and it is a real class – “Communications” which makes Billie’s “..Fuck it all” statement pretty funny. It communicates her feelings pretty well.

    Joyce can be rude indeed: poor Billie first Walky, then Danny at the door -for Sal, and now Joyce blows her off.

    Oh well. Be like me Billie. Make friends with your computer and you needn’t worry about those pesky old relationships. Or if you can’t, just stop worrying so much what others think about you and live your own damn life.

    1. Deanatay

      Billie got through high school on her charms and social status – she never bothered learning any of this ‘computer’ stuff. Why bother learning when horny nerds will do your homework for you?

      1. Rutee

        Uh, because you don’t want them touching your stuff and want to update Facebook yourself?

        I mean, yeah, she’s probably just an average end user, but it’s the modern era – the average end user can manage some stuff.

    2. Gigafreak

      I don’t see this as Joyce blowing Billie off– not intentionally, at least. More of a well-intentioned suggestion rooted in the idea that doing something productive would be good for self-esteem. (Is that still blowing her off? I’m not so great at face-to-face stuff.)

  21. Chris

    Panel one and Joyce is already trying to use the new term she just learned.

  22. motorfirebox

    If the next NSFW comic isn’t Billie fucking everything and the horse it came in on, I’m going to throw things.

    1. Tenn

      Better start picking up things then; it’s Faz fucking everything and the horse it came in on.

  23. Corsair114

    Nuclear ship launch detected….

  24. Keith the verbos and boring

    Okay, I get it, but what did the horse do to her?

    1. Swerve

      I’m still trying to figure out what a horse is. We don’t have any on Cybertron. I’d ask Brainstorm, but Rodimus just called him, along with Skids, Nautica, Nightbeat and Chromedome to the med-bay. I figure Rodimus has finally got a lead on Megatron’s scheme and needs them to save the day.

      1. davethedavedave

        Think “Maximal Battle Unicorn” without the horn.

        1. Swerve

          Um, what’s a “Maximal”? I’ve heard of an Autobot named Battle Unicron, a rather devout guy who wielded a kickass battleaxe and could teleport short distances. I think he was assigned to the Autobot Anti-Infiltration unit on a planet named Equestria. I haven’t heard whether he survived the war or not.

          So what you’re saying is that “horses” are scouts who wield melee weapons, can teleport short distances, and scramble the sensors of their enemies by pounding the ground?

  25. hof1991

    Dorothy got into a dress to melt Walky’s eyes. Mission accomplished. But now she’s going to wear it to work in a kitchen? Hope she’s a server and not peeling veggies or boiling things.

    1. Bill

      Waddya mean?  TV Moms in the ’50s (Donna Reed, June Cleaver, Margaret Anderson, etc.) used to do housework, make meals, and go shopping in dresses, heels, and pearls yet!

  26. Kschenke

    I do like how Joyce has gotten used to the swearing and euphemisms.

    1. Lord Circe

      I was just thinking the same thing. When this started, her face would have been beet red, and she would slumped over in shock after hearing that.

      1. Jackson

        “…A-And the horse it rode in on?”

        1. Deanatay

          *twitch* *twitch* The horse… would be part of ‘everything’, there’s no need to fuck it separately – unless, she’s fucking it twice… *twitch*

        2. Jackson

          (Deanatay, I believe you mean “fudging” 😉 )

  27. bunivasal

    Guys, guys, guys. COA122 is clearly a history class on the golden age of the Russian Empire, and Billie is just doing her midterm project on Catherine the Great.

  28. Paul F

    I get the feeling Billie is going to flunk out.

  29. Sabre

    Obviously it stands for Come On And Slam (a horse)

    1. gwalla

      And welcome to the jam!

  30. thatindianguy

    I certainly hope it’s not both! Fucking a horse will kill you on the receiving end. Even on the other end there is a big risk. And infections galore.

    What is wrong with me.

    1. OldFart

      MAY kill you. If it killed everybody, clandestine zoophilic brothels would not be providing this service. I do not understand how any kind of pleasure is possible, or survivable, for the human bottom, but I guess this is the case. And, yuck.

      Maybe there are horse bottoms who tolerate it without kicking. Or they’re drugged. Also, yuck. Hope I won’t be attacked as zoophobic for the yucks.

      1. Jen Aside

        There are naturally gay horses, apparently, so you just gotta time it!

        [don’t ask how I know]

  31. Just Me

    Why is Billie so grumpy?

    1. GoogerGeiger

      HEY I’M GRUMP!

  32. takashid

    dorothy volunteers at community kitchens, thats gr8. she’s got my vote in the presidential election

  33. justsomeguy1911

    I didn’t know IU offered classes in Animal husbandry.

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