174

Stain
Posted on June 12, 2015 by David M Willis

174 thoughts on “Stain”

  1. Jen Aside

    Sal: “no wait, that IS what I said, even if it kills YOU.”

    1. Fred

      THIS

  2. DarkoNeko

    Wow, that’s dedication.

    1. DarkoNeko

      (also re: alt text… yes, probably not.)

      1. Rich

        Sure as hell wouldn’t manage to get to #2 on that Google search, no.

        1. LeslieBean4Shizzle

          **masochistically google image searches the word “cumstain” with safesearch off**

          … huh. That was disappointing. Some band with that name and a bunch of people taking selfies of sheets that need washing (or, in one case, a couch). I am disappoint, Google.

        2. a4lbi

          I love when strangers Google things so I won’t have to!

        3. Rycan

          Especially when they have little more to say than I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT

        4. prinzenrique

          google results are different for everyone … so you might wanna check what they think YOU are looking for 😀

        5. Rycan

          And see if Google is embarrassingly right!

        6. Jen Aside

          1. band website
          2. Facebook page (band account?)
          3. Urban Dictionary
          4. forum question on bodybuilding site
          5. forum question on TeenHelp
          6. Twitter (band account?)
          7&8. YouTube videos (music?)
          9. Soundcloud account
          10. band discography

          oh well?

        7. Rich

          The Monica Lewinsky button is kind of cute, though.

        8. Tacos

          I dunno. Some people could take it as a challenge.

  3. otusasio451

    Friends with Malaya? No one should be friends with Malaya. She sucks in every universe.

    1. Captain Batson

      I dunno, I kinda grew to like her, but that might’ve just been the iguana’s work.

      1. Nono

        The iguana didn’t make me like Carla, so it’s not a catch-all.

        1. timemonkey

          Carla’s never had an iguana. Ultra-Car had Malaya’s iguana.

        2. Nono

          They didn’t change that much between iterations. I didn’t like Ultra-Car much in SP! and I’m not fond of Carla now.

        3. JessWitt

          Regardless, will Fuckface ever come back to DoA?

        4. Architex

          Someone’s asking the real questions

        5. Jen Aside

          DOA Fuckface will be a Grumpy Cat-like squirrel

    2. advancecasette

      she actually seems like a fairly cool person in this universe, to put her abraisiveness aside, as one would for most teens

      1. Rycan

        Unfortunately, after putting her abrasiveness aside, she’s still worse than a cheese grater.

      2. podian

        When you put her abrasiveness aside, there’s nothing left.

        1. N0083rP00F

          Backing paper and glue, lots of glue.

    3. Kris

      So far all I know about this Malaya is she swears like a sailor and plays roller derby. I’m still giving her a chance. Oh and I guess she likes to pick fights she’ll always lose.

      1. timemonkey

        Pick fights she’ll lose? Amazi-Girl picked that fight and Amazi-Girl lost that fight.

        1. Kris

          Actually I was thinking about how she kneed Amazi-Girl then Amazi-Girl threw her across a parking lot. But Amazi-Girl did start that fight.

        2. Rycan

          And that was after getting clotheslined by Amazi-Girl.

        3. timemonkey

          Both of which she got right back up from.

        4. WordFlyer

          yeah, way to no-sell

      2. Bagge

        I know, she got tons of spunk and no sense of proportions and directions. What’s not to like? plus I kinda like how proud and mighty Sal is not above a pissing contest with a little brat like that ( and is doing a pretty bad job of it). Malaya is the frenimie Sal deserves.

      3. JessWitt

        She’s also Filipina, and far different from the Fil-Am girls I know.

      4. drs

        And she’s been learning sign language, IIRC.

    4. Deanatay

      Compilation error: operation ‘friend’ not available for object type ‘Malaya’.

  4. Adrian

    Been wondering, is there a list of generally used ship names for the Walky/Dumbing universe?

    1. timemonkey

      Well, Dorothy/Walky is Dorky, I believe we were calling the theoretical Danny/Ethan Secox, Danny/Amber is Danber. Anyone else got any?

      1. Smiling Cat

        Dina/Becky: Dicky?
        Billie/Ruth: Biiru? (it makes sense in Japanese) (though to step outside of standard shipname procedure, I’ve always kinda thought of them as Whiskey Sour)
        Joyce/Roz: Rojo (or Red if you like).

        1. MeghanTheWorldEater

          I hadn’t heard the biiru one before but that’s pretty damn clever.

        2. Opus the Poet

          No Dina/Becky is Dinky. Much more respectful of their sexual orientations and genders. Plus Dina is on the short side.

        3. aiimy

          Dinky is adorable oh no

        4. Kaoy

          Bull. Dina/Becky is Gingersaur.

        5. Smiling Cat

          I switch my vote to Dinky, because adorbs.

        6. Michael Lanting

          Why not just go with Rubi instead?

        7. Smiling Cat

          Because I took Japanese for three years specifically to make fun of Billie and Ruth’s alcoholism.

      2. Nono

        I imagine Danny/Joe would be D’oh!, like how you would pronounce Doe but with emphasis.

      3. DarkoNeko

        Damb and Damber.

        1. Reepunzel

          … + Ethan = Dambeth

      4. Kaoy

        I am voting Danny Girl for Amaza-Girl/Danny

    2. Catullus

      Dorky (Dorothy/Walky) and Worthless (Billie/Ruth) are the only ones I see regularly.

      1. Deanatay

        Ooh, I like Worthless for Billie/Ruth. That one works on a lot of levels.

        1. DarkoNeko

          …this is both hilarous and really, really depressing.

    3. timemonkey

      Oh and there was Ultra-Carlaya from the Walkyverse.

    4. MeghanTheWorldEater

      Well just a couple days ago we saw the launch of the Becna.
      I don’t know if we’ve really cemented a name for that one yet but that’s my favourite.

      1. Smiling Cat

        I stand by Dicky.

        1. Rycan

          Except I keep on thinking of a certain disgraced US president.

        2. Opus the Poet

          Dinky, as I posted above it’s more respectful of the shippees.

        3. MeghanTheWorldEater

          What’s wrong with Becna? I think it sounds cute…(._.)

        4. Kryss LaBryn

          It sounds like something you might require a doctor’s visit and a topical cream for. Either that, or like a topical cream you might require a doctor’s visit for… :/

          My vote’s for Dinky.

        5. MeghanTheWorldEater

          And it would be the cutest doctors visit ever.

        6. Thanks, I'll Have Another!

          Your current gravatar has me hoping that Amber will ship this.

        7. Reepunzel

          Yeah… I can’t see “Becna” without thinking “bacne.”

        8. Deanatay

          It reminds me of ‘Vecna’, the lich god of secrets in the Greyhawk D&D campaign setting. Becky/Dina is too cute to associate with a rotting abomination.

        9. Rich

          Bigoted against the undead, Deanatay? Dirty rotten Pro-Lifer.

        10. Opus the Poet

          Hey, be respectful to the undead. There are members of the commentariat who are formerly living. OK technically still alive, just “formerly dead”.

        11. Deanatay

          I think you mean ‘animate-Americans’. ‘alive’ and ‘dead’ are too polarizing. And ‘undead’ is their word – it’s lifeist if you say it.

        12. DSL

          Vitally privileged?

        13. fogel

          Check that lifeboat privilege.

        14. Nono

          Dinky and the Bane?

      2. fogel

        Bith

    5. tim gueguen

      Smush pairing names are evil, and should be avoided at all costs. Except Kigo, that one doesn’t bug me for some reason.

  5. Nono

    ‘The friend of my friend is my… frenemey?’

  6. MM

    No, Malaya, she means “Even if I kill you.”

    1. gkheyf

      now taking all bets!

  7. Kris

    Malaya life exspectancy 2.5 hours. 3 if Sal’s generous.

    1. Doctor_Who

      By Malaya’s standards, that means they’re practically besties already.

  8. advancecasette

    when i saw title of this strip I was scared it’d be a follow up to joyce’s stained sweater, instead…. crude and rude young folks

  9. Frogboy

    “Cumstain”, Sal? You kiss your math tutor with that mouth?

    1. Captain Batson

      That guy’s way too… wonderbread for her tastes.

      1. sps48

        Whitebread isn’t a thing anymore?

    2. LeslieBean4Shizzle

      Hehe… cumstain. ^^

      Yes, I’m channeling my inner 12 year old right now.

  10. Rich

    Oh good, no Jason booty call. Nice to see that definitely ruled out.

    1. Dean

      Well, we don’t know if she made a stop on the way.

      1. Tacos

        Or if she’ll make a stop on the way back.

        1. Blackbird

          Or if that’s where she’s taking Malaya. Maybe it’s Jason’s birthday.

      2. John

        Sal’s comment in panel 2 actually doesn’t have anything to do with Malaya, but rather with her own personal grooming. That’s why she’s adjusting her gloves.

    2. timemonkey

      Their hookups seemed to be unplanned and very spur of the moment of passion types. She doesn’t seem to even like him.

      1. DarkoNeko

        Again, I’m fairly sure they didn’t even exchange phone numbers. each meeting ending up with “this is the LAST time we ever do this”

  11. Mr. Random

    This is gonna be both painful and adorable. Just a guess.

    1. begbert2

      Pandorable?

      Sorry, all the shipping is getting to me.

  12. Captain Batson

    Admirable friending so far there, Sal.

    1. fogel

      She said they were gonna be friends, not that they’d like each other.

  13. Doctor_Who

    Yeah, gotta watch those Google results. There’s a blog I follow that reviews animated movies in a snarky manner, and the writer discovered that somehow someone ended up on his site by Googling the term “close up mouth whore fuck”.

    So it’s become a running gag that he’ll use it as an expletive now, like “What the close up mouth whore fuck is going on?!”

    1. insomniac

      The old webcomic Mac Hall apparently got a surprising amount of traffic from people searching for digimon porn. (It was a college slice of life comic which did not contain any.)

      1. Cholma

        But the one female character couldn’t stop saying “buttsex” during a road trip in one strip! 😀

      2. Led

        I really miss Mac Hall… was my favorite webcomic before I found ye olde It’s Walky! and the others

        1. Portmanteaust

          I think is by the same artist (in case you hadn’t heard of it).

        2. Portmanteaust

          Let me try that again: I think Three Panel Soul is by the same artist (in case you hadn’t heard of it).

        3. neeks

          That is in fact by the same guy(s), Ian mcconville and Matt Boyd

      3. DarkoNeko

        What the hell, lol.

    2. David M Willis

      There was a period of time when Shortpacked! lost a bunch of ad revenue because I was talking about “Dark of the Moon” a bunch and so Google had reclassified the site as astronomy-based instead of pop culture.

      (so I renamed all the tags to “transformers 4”)

      1. Doctor_Who

        Wonder how many sites that were about that movie had the same problem. And how many people looking for lunar facts kept finding themselves on pages about the movie.

    3. Ancestral Hamster

      While I haven’t had THAT particular problem, my friends and I dislike how search engines “correct” our searches. We’ll type some obscure subject and then Google will insist we really meant “Justin Bieber” or other trending news.

      Similarly, I was looking for “vampire cats” (scientific name = carnivora nimravidae, which I could not remember) last weekend. Got all sorts of strange hits, but nothing about extinct megafauna.

      1. Kelly

        Oh, Nimravidae are cool!

    4. Kelson

      Appropriately enough, I ran into this problem just a few days ago. I mentioned a “running gag” in the description of a Flickr photo and started getting all kinds of hits from people searching for pictures of, um, gags.

      I quietly changed the description to mention a “running joke” instead.

    5. Kryss LaBryn

      That is hilarious. What reviewer is he (I mostly do Channel Awesome and Spoony)?

      1. Doctor_Who

        Unshavedmouse.com. He started out by working his way through the entire Disney Animated Canon, and then branched off into other films as well.

        His style is actually very reminiscent of someone from Channel Awesome, and he’s referenced the Nostalgia Critic quite a few times.

        1. Doctor_Who

          Oh, and if you want to read him, start from the beginning. He gradually introduced storyline elements and recurring characters into his reviews, Linkara style, and has a lot of running gags, so a recent review might come of as kinda incomprehensible if you don’t get what he’s referencing.

  14. Idon'tcarenomore

    This will be interesting.

  15. Dr.Zeus

    Does this strip make anyone else like Malaya more and Sal less?

    1. Rich

      Not me.

    2. Kris

      Eh? This whole Malaya jealousy kind of makes me like Sal more. Although I guess calling her a cumstain unprovoked was pretty mean.

      1. Dr.Zeus

        Fair ’nuff but for me they both feel kind of jerkish, at least at times. The thing is that we know, at least to an extent, why Sal is this way but I feel a lot of people don’t like Malaya simply because we don’t have an explanation for her personality. I am trying to assume that there is a reason she acts the way she does and that it is not pure… whatever the hells you want to call it.

        Therefor, especially considering Sal’s history, I kind of feel like she is dismissing Malaya on very little information. Then again I’ve been drinking and overly verbose web comic posts are my version of drunk texts so I very well may be stupidly off base.

    3. timemonkey

      I already like Malaya plenty. My enjoyment of Sal varies by the strip.

    4. Torra

      I love Malaya’s character already! Sal I like, but she dips every now and then depending on what she does.

  16. Stephen Bierce

    James Dean/James Dean/Bought it sight unseen…

    1. Opus the Poet

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldZtbxeIHHc

  17. Ridureyu

    Sal: You could hide the body. NOBODY WOULD FIND HER. OR THEY WOULD BLAME IT ON MIKE.

    1. Doctor_Who

      The police have Mike on speed dial. He’s like Red Herring from A Pup Named Scooby Doo – every time something happens he needs to explain that he didn’t do it.

      1. Nono

        It’s weird that Fred and his inexplicable fixation on Red Herring is the major thing that stood out about it. Try as I might I can’t remember anything about that version of Daphne.

        1. Rich

          Stereotypical shallow rich girl, as I recall.

        2. Doctor_Who

          I seem to recall that she could summon her butler, and no matter where they were he’d just suddenly be there to do whatever she asked.

        3. Gigafreak

          Furthermore, she had a catchphrase. “Oh puh-lease, there’s no such thing as ghosts!”

          I mostly remember that because of the episode where her parents appeared, and they said it in perfect sync.

      2. Rich

        Only to Fred. And there was that one episode where Red actually did do…whatever got done.

      3. fogel

        Im not sure that Mike would cooperate even to provide himself an alibi

  18. Plasma Mongoose

    I misread cumstain as Christian.

    1. Dr.Zeus

      Well some would never admit to there ever being a Christstain.

      1. Rycan

        Oh, Jesus got Christstains on his clothes all the time – turns out that the Lamb of God sweated buckets.

      2. gwalla

        Jesus is coming.

        1. Plasma Mongoose

          Bring a towel!

    2. fishamaphone

      Me too, actually…

    3. Tenn

      …I’m slightly ashamed of how much that made me laugh.

  19. HMRC4EVR

    It’s a longshot, but I’ll toss out a guess the next slipshine (well, within the next 3) will be a three way between Sal, Malaya and Marcie.

    Won’t happen, but it’s a fun guess.

    1. Dr.Zeus

      Ethan, Dan, and Amber for my three-way pic that’ll never happen.

      1. timemonkey

        Well, as long as we’re mentioning threesomes that won’t happen I like the idea of Ethan, Danny and Joe. It’d be awkward as hell but also really hot.

        1. Dr.Zeus

          No no no… Joe, Mike, and Jacob which obviously would be somehow organized by Mike.

        2. timemonkey

          Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew

        3. timemonkey

          Oh, I misread Jacob as Jason, I retract most of my Ew.

    2. Arianod

      Come on, that’s 100% totally NEVER gonna happen.

    3. Opus the Poet

      You know I’m getting a parallel vibe between the Becky-Joyce-Dorothy triangle and the Sal-Marcy-Malaya one. Both involve childhood friends with one friend finding another friend in college that the first friend sees as competition for the friendship. Not an exact parallel (there’s the whole sexuality thing with Becky and joyce that we haven’t seen (so far) with Sal and Marcy), but similar.

      1. A5PECT

        Pretty sure David stated Marcie is bisexual (I forget whether it was in a Tumblr post or just in a strip’s alt-text), so there’s a chance that “friendship between childhood friends laced with tension derived from one-way homosexual attraction” is or was an element of the Marcie/Malaya/Sal triangle.

  20. 6Qubed

    Sal has given Malaya a choice: she can stop being a cumstain, or she can start being a bloodstain

    1. Reepunzel

      It will take a lot of effort for Sal to abstain from turning Malaya from a cumstain to a bloodstain

  21. Arianod

    That’s it Sal! You befriend the hell outta that little piece of shit! Tech her who’s the boss!

  22. Saaaam

    Just now noticing the narrow miss of Sal and Amber running into each other.

  23. advancecasette

    third panel malaya fighting game character select portrait

  24. timemonkey

    Oh good, it’s Joey and Janice’s Day of Fun! I mean Sal and Malaya.

  25. cynicwithcinnamon

    Malaya: i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick your dog’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass.

    1. DarkoNeko

      She’s like a chihuahua, barking at everyone.

  26. DarkoNeko

    So, how long until they start beating the crap out of each other ?

    1. setsun

      *scissoring the crap out of each other

      1. DarkoNeko

        …nooooooope.

      2. Opus the Poet

        Epic lesbian hatefuck?

        1. Ivy Injektion

          Mike and Amber might talk a good game, but I think it’s time for Salaya to show them how it’s done.

  27. Rycan

    Off to a great start, I see.

  28. JessWitt

    Team Salaya!

  29. Anywhere

    I like where this is going.

  30. Kraken

    Dang, she really doesn’t like Malaya. >_>

  31. newllend(henryvolt)

    ya the jacket still looks better on Becky.

    1. Ailorn

      I will respectfully disagree

      1. JessWitt

        I’ll admit it’s hard to see it on anyone else but Becky now

  32. BenRG

    Y’know, at this rate, Sal is going to lose Marcie and I don’t know if she could survive that heartbreak.

  33. Bagge

    “Lets be frenimies”
    “Best of frenimies”

    Wow Sal, that’s big of you

    1. JessWitt

      Let’s frenimize.

  34. Well_Played

    Yep… it is one of those situations where Sal definitely said it right the first time.

  35. Architex

    I’ve got my popcorn and I’m ready to see where this goes

  36. BenRG

    Prediction: At some point, Sal is going to say: “Ah should’a stayed at the party!” Snap cut in the next panel to something weird and/or chaotic happening in Joyce’s room.

  37. Spencer

    Sal, stop being a jerk to Malaya.

    …What did I just type?

  38. Deanatay

    “Ya know, Malaya, ah’m glad we worked things out. Ah wasn’t sure ah’d EVER get along with you, but ah guess we jus’ needed to talk things through…”
    “And you murdering me.”
    “Yep, sure glad we worked things out.”

    1. DarkoNeko

      Carrying bodies on a motorcycle doesn’t look too pratical, tho.

      1. Deanatay

        They drag well, though…

  39. neeks

    Sal is really good at interacting with people who aren’t impressed by her.

  40. Random832

    Seriously, Sal?

    The only comeback to use in this situation is “that’s what I said”. She gave you the perfect straight line and you wasted it.

  41. Josh

    Ok, this is driving me nuts. I know I’ve seen that building somewhere in Bloomington, but I can’t place it. Any help?

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