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Pantsless
Posted on April 29, 2024 by David M Willis
The Dumbing of Age Book 13 Kickstarter continues, now with HALLOWEEN BECKY magnets!  This thing's coming to an end in NINE days! anyway go pledge for a book and some magnets we unlock SOMEBODY at $50k

237 thoughts on “Pantsless”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    you don’t deserve me at my best if you don’t love me at my BUTTS DISEASE

    1. Jesse

      Ha!

    2. Colineo

      Is that you, Questionable Content Jeff?

      1. Opus the Poet

        QC Jeph doesn’t spell it Jeff. And apparently has parentage of French descent, because he spells his last name Jacques.

        1. David DeLaney

          people with two first names.doc

      2. GoblinBagsSumo

        No, Horf isn’t quite that clever given how QC has really slipped so much in quality.

        1. Lilith Rose

          Whaaaaa? You think QuestionableContent has slipped? Might I recommend looking at the latest comic, and then clicking the “first” button?

        2. Vanessa

          It’s so good now. The art is so interesting too.

        3. Ymbrael

          Just say you don’t like the new characters/cubetown and move on I guess, personally I think they’re neat additions and add some dynamism to a story where most of the main cast had kinda figured their own shit out (mostly) by now.

  2. Hilzabub

    Skipping right to 10 years married.

  3. Golden Yak

    She’s a keeper, Joe.

  4. Animedingo

    Over sharing is in fact a trait of autism

    1. Jo_cubstar

      Lol indeed. Apparently many of us don’t have filters

      1. Masumi

        My filter sometimes pops up after I’ve said something, like “yeah I think this one was too much”

        1. Jesse

          Would you like to hear about diverticulitis???

        2. Myth

          I am yet another autistic over-sharer, but also, I find just about anything fascinating if the person telling me about it is enthused enough, so I love listening to *other people* over-share. Especially since medical science is a special interest of mine so… horrifically embarrassing ER stories like Joyce’s story here just have me nodding, starry-eyed.

          This was all a lead-up to: Gosh, I sure would! Regale me.

        3. Opus the Poet

          So, you like stories of surviving impossible car wrecks? Did I ever tell you how I got this scar on my leg?

        4. Jesse

          I mentioned this further down, but “part of the intestine stretches into a mini-appendix from blockage. It hurt like a bongo, but thankfully I got better after eating more fiber”.

        5. Jesse

          Which is probably anticlimactic to read, but there you go.

        6. MadScientist520

          I’m just crossing my fingers we get a comic from the neighbors perspective with a confused expression as they heard this exchange through the door.

        7. Psychie

          Having never lived in dorms, it suddenly occurs to me that I don’t know how the locking situation works. Like, do the shared bathroom doors lock? Do the locks keep people out of the bathroom when it’s occupied, or do they prevent people from entering the adjoining dorm when the locks are engaged? Could one, intentionally or accidentally, prevent their neighbors from using the bathroom by keeping the adjoining door locked?

          Like, I like my privacy when using the toilet, and if I had a girl over, I’d definitely want HER to be able to enjoy privacy if she needed to use my toilet, but I also wouldn’t want to get locked out of the bathroom by a thoughtless or dickish neighbor, and I also wouldn’t want to accidentally forget to unlock the other door and BE the thoughtless neighbor. On the other hand, I definitely wouldn’t want my neighbor to be able to use the shared bathroom to just come and go from my room whenever they want, dealing with a roommate I might not have gotten to choose is already enough of a risk, as what if we don’t get along or they aren’t trustworthy, but to have up to two more people with unfettered access to my space and my stuff seems like the sort of thing that’s likely to have historically caused a LOT of problems for at least some people.

        8. Mark

          I don’t know, but I expect it’s like the doors between adjoining hotel rooms: independently lockable from either side. In this case, one of those doors on each side of the shared room.

          The RA probably has a key that will undo any forgotten locked doors. You’ll then have plenty of time to study diligence while awaiting a femur donor.

        9. Matthew Davis

          Every dorm I ever lived in had a shared bathroom that wasn’t connected to my room, but I have gone to a conference at Western Michigan University for like ten years and stayed in the dorms while there. The bathroom situation is just as you describe — the door from the room into the shared bathroom locks individually, at least from the room side. I’ve never tried it from the bathroom side.

      2. DJTsurugi

        I in fact have 0 filter. ~<3

    2. Schpoonman

      Look, context is important, okay?

    3. Taffy

      Yeah, I overshare a lot, like when I told this friend I had about this hentai manga I was into at the time and pointed out all the “best” parts specifically.

      1. Blume

        It’s just that… You gotta tell SOMEONE, right? How can I keep all that info in my head??? Especially if you find it amusing lol (even though the subject matter is apparently not all that normal)

        1. Taffy

          He had the Devil’s arm coming out of his dickhole, I had a moral duty to share that information.

        2. Blume

          You’re so right, I wouldn’t be strong enough to keep that to myself LOL

        3. Ray Radlein

          Now, see, this is absolutely something I would want to retweet without any context if I came across it on Twitter

        4. Taffy

          I got banned from Twitter for being an argumentative ass and having too many correct opinions.

        5. Marianne

          Could be worse, a journalist on Twitter was recently forced to retract and apologise for her tweet (accurately) calling JK Rowling a holocaust denier. I can’t imagine being legally bullied into saying that telling the truth was “deeply inaccurate and hurtful”.

        6. Jesse

          JK Rowling’s gone to absolute shit.

        7. deliverything

          I miss the times when the worst of JK Rowling’s tweets were about wizards pooping on the floor…

        8. jflb96

          Yeah, the current balance of UK libel laws is not the best. The idea of people having to back up what they say is sound, but it’s way too easy at the moment for people with more money to use that to bully others into retracting inconveniently truthful statements.

        9. cain

          tbh I wanna know the name of the manga now

        10. Azhrei Vep

          Right?! You can’t just drop something like that without providing a source! That’s just cruel!

        11. Taffy

          Oh yeah, true. It’s called My Balls, and I will not vouch for the quality of anything in it.

        12. Mr D

          I-
          You know I was going to say that one isn’t Hentai because it was hosted on regular ass manga sites but-

          That was a real damn trip of a manga I tell you hwat.
          Fuck shit THAT MANGA ENDED 14 YEARS AGO????

        13. Jesse

          Oh my god, what the fuck? XD

        14. Myth

          I like to imagine you describing the panels you’re showing off the same way a wine snob describes wine. A hentai sommelier, if you will.

        15. zee

          Homie that is so fucked up of you. How could you say something like that without dropping the title

        16. Dday

          THE WORLD MUST KNOW

        17. HueSatLight

          Your friend did?

        18. saltchocolate

          You do! Also: I’m remembering why in . . . another universe, say, Joyce and Walky could be a thing. He’s good for a poop conversation, too.

      2. Bodmans

        The numbers, Mason! What are they?

        1. Amós Batista

          Here, a person of culture.

    4. PirateTawnee

      It’s not oversharing, it’s taking (too much) time and (too much) care to avoid being misunderstood and it’s entirely valid.

      1. Blume

        Why not both?

        1. deliverything

          If anything, neurotypicals undershare! Without this context, how would we know Joyce’s qualifications to speak on this subject?

          Actually, while that was intended as a joke, this is essentially one reason I personally tend to give too many details sometimes (and then, when commenting on webcomics or such, try to edit the excess back out — can’t do that when talking, sadly). Not usually about poop, though.

      2. morleuca

        I always thought this was just me being a good engineer. Or just really bad at being interviewed by ISO auditors.

    5. Kimi

      So much of what is going on for this page reminds me of myself. The oversharing, the not wanting to clean food out of braces because it is gross (and not liking eating because of it), etc. I still don’t understand why talking about the correct sizing of bras and underwear isn’t considered appropriate conversation. How else are you supposed to find better brands or store than by asking a group of friends about sizing issues? I am also possibly autistic but have never been tested, so who knows.

      1. Azhrei Vep

        While I am not autistic, I am one hundred percent with you on the sizing thing. That is the kind of practical issue that I would expect good friends to be up to helping with.

        Or up to trying to help with and failing miserably. Y’know, whichever.

      2. EmCaCo

        (types out and deletes multiple oversharing stories, gives up at attempt of “relatable anecdote”)

        A highly specific subreddit community can help. Abrathatfits reddit and the abrathatfits dot org calculator are really helpful for getting fit and finding people to recommend specific ones.

    6. Queen Anthai

      …oh

    7. Amós Batista

      Uuuugh, I can relate to that.
      Sadly, I didn’t have a Joe in my life that can lend me his ears to hear all my things.

  5. JA

    This is the first time we’ve seen Joe with wide eyes, isn’t it.

    1. Nono

      He’s somehow more attractive.

      1. David DeLaney

        yes, that I can remember
        and oh boy yes

        –Dave, guess it’s an anime muscle-man thing?

  6. quark

    joe has apparently reached whatever level of clearance is necessary to hear this

    1. David DeLaney

      P clearance, duh

  7. Shakes

    I’m sure this particular Joyce story isn’t autobiographical, right?

    1. Proxiehunter

      Well, there’s the alt text to consider . . .

  8. Jeremiah

    You should fell proud Joe, I been told some couples takes many years together to reach this level.

    1. Icalasari

      Eh, I’m the spectrum. Least with me, if I trust you enough to see you as a friend, prepare for TMI as I forget, “Oh right that’s not normal for people to just share”

      1. Kimi

        Considering how many people I meet that share stories about how long either themselves or someone they knew survived with a burst appendix before going to a hospital, I swear it is partially a general human trait. It is all a matter of degree though. Poop stories are a no unless elementary school, but impossible horror stories of almost dying without going to the doctor right away are somehow total bragging rights. I sometimes think that society has its priorities in the wrong order.

        1. Taellosse

          Why, exactly, do you have other times when you think it has its priorities in the right order?

  9. Plaaaaaa

    Jews don’t pray with clasped hands. He should be davening.

    1. Techhead

      Sometimes you pick it up from osmosis, like how even atheists will say “god damn it”

      1. zee

        I feel like atheists are more likely to say goddamn. It’s apparently a big deal word when it actually means something to you. It gets censored in radio edits and my boyfriend refuses to say it in his native tongue

        1. Wraithy2773

          Also, “Goddamn” just has some great mouthfeel. Good rhythm to the word.

    2. AlexanderHammil

      i don’t think he’s praying, it’s more like tenting his fingers

    3. Bruno

      Whatʻre you, a rabbi?

    4. NGPZ

      I mean I grew up liberal Jewish, and I don’t think there was ever any specific way to pray?

    5. staszu13

      I don’t believe Joe or his family are Orthodox

    6. bejouled

      He’s not praying, he’s just focusing

    7. Amós Batista

      It’s his mantra, before going to bed with someone.

      1. HueSatLight

        some light Buddhism, as a treat.

    8. Lee

      I took it as like “damn boy” kind of facial pose.

  10. Taigan

    I mean, Old Joe would certainly like to hear that his girlfriend can take it up the butt like a champ. Not sure if New Joe feels the same.

    1. Holly

      Pretty sure the thought will hit him later, and if she comes out of the bathroom with only Sal’s shirt on and no trousers, too, he is going to forget any hesitation about whether he’s attracted to her real fast.

  11. Derek

    I kinda hate knowing this anecdote is lifted directly from Willis’ life.

  12. William

    True Love: Being able to endure your significant other’s weird biological complexities.

  13. Shadowsnail

    In Canada, they call it Kraft Digital Disimpaction.

    1. Amara

      When I was a kid, I loved to plays with my food. I discovered Kraft American cheese is soft enough to not require any chewing. So I would fold them into tiny squares, put them on my tongue, and swallow without any chewing. I did this somewhat regularly for years. I was a real handful as a child.

  14. RassilonTDavros

    …yeah, this is definitely autobiographical.

    And is also retroactively making me very glad that I never needed braces. I’ll keep my tooth gap if it means never having to deal with that.

    1. Kimi

      Tbh, I miss having my gaps sometimes because I didn’t really have to floss with them before. Braces were just torture and I hate dentists now because of it.

      1. zee

        Same, I had such a cute gap between my buckteeth before my wisdom teeth came in and pushed them together, it was just the width of a toothpick. There’s still too much space to floss but not enough to avoid getting larger chunks of food stuck. I miss it 🙁 I have a couple dental “flaws” braces coulda fixed, but they’re minor enough that 1. It would’ve been a waste of money, 2. They just add character to my face. A character design needs unique details to set it apart after all

  15. Derek

    dying of megacolon is one of the worst ways to go. there’s the horrible pain PLUS the “this person died of having too much shit inside of them” indignity

    1. Reltzik

      Yeah, that unsound like it would definitely be a pain in the ass.

      1. Reltzik

        *sounds, wth autocorrect?

    2. Disastroid

      What, one of those really big sharks?

      1. Derek

        megacolon is different from megalodon. One is a medical condition in which your large intestine expands way beyond it’s normal range, the other is an extinct shark

  16. True Survivor

    Danny didn’t get an answer. Are we going to find him 100 strips from now starving and shriveled in a shower stall?

    1. Proxiehunter

      In just 100 strips? That’s what, two minutes their time at most?

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      The answer here is to lock the door behind Danny, and not unlock it until Joyce is properly dressed. Then Danny could just come by and gently try the knob and find out if it was safe to reenter without disturbing anyone.

      Which won’t happen, of course, because no one ever locks doors in DoA, there wouldn’t be much of a comic if they did…

  17. Nono

    Two stripes of shirtless Joe and we have not seen one nipple.

    1. David DeLaney

      *Four, and yeah that’s odd

      of course his wouldn’t contrast as much against his skin as a true redhead’s do, those are like pilot lights, I swear

    2. Slartibeast Button, BIA

      Speech bubbles are the modern fig leaf.

  18. Taffy

    “Fingers”, plural? Cool.

    1. David DeLaney

      always start with one
      ALWAYS use lube
      always use _enough_ lube

      these together are like rule zero of butt stuff

  19. Shiro

    Ramen noodles are also pretty easy to swallow whole, I learned recently when I had a bruised tooth nerve and putting any sort of pressure on it was excruciating!

    1. True Survivor

      That sounds agonizing; I’m sorry. How did you do that, if you don’t mind me asking?

      1. Shiro

        According to the dentist, it was probably a combination of a tooth reconstruction that wasn’t quite the right shape and was putting undue pressure on the tooth and grinding em while I slept. It sucked a lot! I basically had to go on a no-chew diet for a few weeks while it healed

        1. Kimi

          Considering just the pain of having the braces adjusted made me not want to chhew sometimes, that sounds horrible.

    2. zee

      Sorry to hear about that

      Also, so are fries if you put enough ketchup on them! The school fries tasted like ass if you didn’t drown them in ketchup, and I just liked the feeling of them doing down my throat

  20. Bittersweet

    I also used to swallow pasta (spaghetti) whole. It just felt nice and I don’t know why lol.

    Also, these two are still adorable.

  21. DailyBrad

    New meaning to Infodumping.

    1. Meagan

      Underrated comment (so far).

    2. Steamweed

      We gotta do the infodumping ’cause infoconstipation is unhealthy.

      1. David DeLaney

        yeah, the aftermath of infostuck is basically infosplatter

  22. Derek

    fellow neurodivergents: I know sometimes eating certain foods is yucky or very difficult to handle, but if it gets to the point that you give yourself life-threatening conditions, it’s time to either force yourself to eat a broccoli or find a viable alternative
    https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/teenage-fussy-eater-goes-blind-after-eating-only-fries-and-pringles-for-years/

    1. Taffy

      Growing up broke, I learned at a very young age that if I didn’t just put food in my mouth and eat it, there wasn’t going to be different food and I’d just be hungry for no good reason. Now the only thing I actively avoid eating is mushrooms, and even then I’ll choke ’em down if that’s what’s there. Gross/weird food is a pain and isn’t always pleasant, but it’s better than malnourishment.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Can’t say I blame you; mushrooms are disgusting.

    2. Tesset

      But if I eat the bad food too many times then Everything becomes the bad food for like a month D:

    3. NGPZ

      I’m thankful I branched out very recently cooking anime foods. Rice omelets burger steaks are very delicious! :9

      1. BBCC

        Nice!

    4. BBCC

      Not neurodivergent that I know of but I have a bunch of food texture issues (mostly of foods touching in ways that the tastes mix or the texture changes a ton) and – yeah. Look, it’s not terribly fun to stuff food in my cheek super fast to avoid involuntarily gagging and then chewing fast. It hurts the stomach a lot later because I made myself eat something my body REALLY did not want to eat. If it was absolutely the only food I could get though? I’d rather have a sour stomach because I ate something my body tried to reject than it hurt because there’s nothing in it.

    5. Kimi

      Sometimes you can’t stop the gag reflex tbh. I can’t handle certain bread textures (especially soggy) and sometimes yogurt. Even if I did manage to somehow choke it down it would be coming right back up. Some days are worse than others though, and I do try and add nutrient mixes in on the bad days. Also probably doesn’t help that my hunger reflex is weird. I don’t normally feel hungry, but just get hangry or emotional. I’ve had times where I would not eat and not feel hunger pains. I might be in a really bad mood, but my stomach wouldn’t be complaining. I have actually had it throw more of a fuss by feeding it early in the morning and having it mad because of that (joy of dust and grass allergies). It doesn’t even want water then. I am the type of person who would rather not eat than spend an hour “worshiping the toilet god” for making the mistake of eating something that didn’t agree with me at the moment. I do wonder if that is why I tend to be a night owl, as it is hard to be a 7am morning person when your stomach treats any food before 10:30 as blasphemy. I kept snacks on me in school and university due to it.

      1. morleuca

        My wife wants to go to Japan and I don’t know how im going to survive. I can’t do slimy textures or really sticky things on my lips. But the worse is I cannot deal with eating noises. Slurping is just paralyzing.

        1. Kimi

          I feel you there. Some days I just don’t want to eat with other people because the eating noise is just too loud. Also with you on Japan. The scenery looks gorgeous, and I am so curious about the ecology, but wary about the food. I am NOT a seafood fan, or a fan of seaweed or miso soup (I have tried sushi twice, miso soup once, and seaweed several times). I have heard that they do a good fried chicken though, so if I ever get to go, I might survive on chicken and rice. It is possible that the more touristy areas have food that you are more used to. My grandpa was stationed over there during the korean war, so some places have had US tastes that they probably catered to for a while (when there’s a market).

        2. Morleuca

          I think I’m going to live off of 7-11.

      2. David DeLaney

        Justin Timberlake – Can’t Stop the Gag Reflex.mp4

  23. Qube

    ah yes, the lurid topic of mastication

  24. NGPZ

    That is… some mental image D: XD

    What is it we say around here?

    DAMN YOU WILLIS!

    1. Cholma

      *whispers* Psst! No exclamation point, just a period. Think of it as Death talking in the Discworld books. DAMN YOU WILLIS.

      (For bonus points, use a font generator and use the “tiny caps” setting: ᴅᴀᴍɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪʟʟɪꜱ.)

  25. EpochFlame

    stay strong, joe

  26. brionl

    After I broke my leg, I didn’t take a dump for 3 weeks.

    1. Clif

      Did you explode?

    2. Miri

      Ooh, opioids constipating you? ?

      I feel a bit bad coz my 9 yr old’s been on paracetamol (tylenol)/ibuprofen for about a month straight (sprained her ankle then got a UTI) and apparently they can also have a binding effect. And even though she’s virtually my height and not a featherweight, apparently 5ml of lactulose swung her slightly too far in the other direction…

      1. morleuca

        Fixed the problem all in one go, eh?

    3. Loki

      Hey, the same thing happened to me when I broke my femur!

  27. Obi

    I’m confused, is Joe trying to convince himself he likes this, or is it more of a “this is kinky but I must resist the temptation” thing?

    1. Cholma

      Nah, I think he’s trying to convince himself that even though the conversation topic is disgusting, he really likes her and this won’t be a deal-breaker.

    2. Taffy

      I think it’s more of a “goddamn she’s so hot and sweet, even listening to her weird constipation anecdote is worth dating her” thing.

      1. BBCC

        That’s how ya know it’s real!

    3. Meagan

      I was wondering this myself. Either it’s him convincing himself that he is still attracted to her, or it’s him going in amazement, What? I’m attracted to this? What is going on?

    4. DashWallkick

      Joyce’s autism is attractive but it comes with the double-edged part where she also rambles unprompted first thing in the morning about the time she ate bad macaroni and got a blockage so bad she was in the ER.

      1. Derek

        it’s not that she ate bad macaroni. it’s that she didn’t chew her food for weeks on end until her feces compacted to such a degree that it became a medical emergency and she had to go to a hospital to get fisted by doctor

    5. StClair

      IMO, a helpful rephrasing for some might be “you signed up for this, you signed up for this…”

  28. BBCC

    Well, hey, if you’re still into her after this then that’s how you know you genuinely like her, Joe!

  29. Cholma

    Oh, Joyce. I feel ya on the effects of cold mac & cheese. In High School, I came home from Bowling League to find the night’s dinner waiting for me in a pot on the stove. Some kind of beef, mac & cheese mix. (I forget what it was called) I ate it without heating it up first. (microwaves weren’t really a thing yet) I also ended up at the hospital late at night. Got my first and only enema. Do not recommend.

    Heat your food, people! (especially the greasy stuff)

  30. IntangibleMatter

    I can’t tell if he’s reassuring himself, or simply stating what he already knows.

    Could be both.

    1. Steelbright

      That’s kind of where I’m at. Assuming a little of both

  31. TrueVCU

    Oh wow they’re already at the “extremely gross secrets” stage of the relationship

    1. Reltzik

      Dorky got there faster.

    2. DailyBrad

      They could become even if she accidentally stumbles on a crispy sock in his bed.

    3. Ophidiophile

      Maybe she is testing him. Expose him to her worst, and if he doesn’t run, yipee!

  32. JessWitt

    I needed this helpful reminder to chew my food thoroughly.

  33. Reltzik

    Panel 2: Since when does Joe have whites in his eyes?

    1. GUIGUI

      Since he get to have the framing close enough to his face.

    2. Needfuldoer

      Normally-dot-eyed characters can spontaneously conjure sclera for a panel or two if it helps sell their expression. Sal and Walky have done it.

  34. sdrainbow

    I am enthusiastically pro-Joeyce, but I’ve been calling that Joe flames out early for ages, and I’m pretty sure this is the first on screen sign.

    (I’m pro Joycothy TOO, I can contain multitudes, it’s fine)

    (obligatory contain multitudes of poop)

  35. HueSatLight

    Joyce has been casually conversant about poop before. Inaugural poop and all that, but I was thinking of an early conversation with Booster

    1. HueSatLight

      I wonder if Tristan remembers the time she passed out at church. Probably the Holy Spirit.

    2. Miri

      I’d forgotten that Joyce is less squicked or embarrassed by poop than she is the thought of non-homogeneous foodstuffs…

    3. BBCC

      Yeah, Joyce can handle poop.

  36. StClair

    Joe’s getting one of those early previews of “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health” actually covers.

    1. Reltzik

      … so, marriage’s crappy parts?

      1. StClair

        In this case, literally!

  37. Jesse

    I’ve had diverticulitis, where part of the intestine stretches into a mini-appendix from blockage. It hurt like a bongo, but thankfully I got better after eating more fiber.

    1. Jesse

      I could’ve sworn I wrote “like a bongo”.

      1. Taffy

        It says exactly that, yes.

      2. BBCC

        Blame the other commenters. Got thrown around at Roz so often and with so much intensity that it started getting creepy so it got filtered.

        1. Nymph

          Yepppp

    2. Jesse

      Oh, now I see what happened.
      What happens if I type piss, shit, fuck, and conga?

      1. Opus the Poet

        If you really need to use the word, you can substitute a synonym: Female Dog, as in “Hurt like a Female Dog.” That gets by the bongo filter.

        1. Alan in DC

          Itch-bay

        2. thejeff

          Or lean into it “hurt like a percussion instrument”.

      2. HueSatLight

        hurt like your guts were stretched over a drum and beat

    3. Jesse

      Tee-hee

  38. Da Boy

    Ah fast food and appendicitis, good times, good times. Remember folks, don’t eat unrefrigerated hot dogs on hot days or you’ll end up in surgery next day!

    1. Jesse

      Oh no!

    2. Kimi

      I know a parent and a kid that ate unrefrigerated cookie dough that had been sitting on a bus all day in the spring at the end of a field trip. It wasn’t summer temperatures but it also definitely wasn’t fridge temperatures and they noted that the dough was warm.

      1. Da Boy

        Salmonella ho! It’s seriously unfair that many “raw” things are so delicious. I’d be eating so much pork meat prepared for mielone (Polish hamburgers I guess?) if it wasn’t for the threat of parasites XD

        1. Kimi

          I thought that I had heard that parasites weren’t as much of a concern in US pork meat anymore, hence the lower required internal temperature for pork after cooking. Of course, that doesn’t mean that raw is safe. I have heard that eating lettuce can be a lot more hazardous for bacteria than some other things lately. As to eggs, I normally try very hard to not remember that they come from the same hole a chicken poops from.

        2. Da Boy

          Well I’m not from US so things may vary, there is always a danger of those. Yeah veggies grow in the ground so you definitely need to wash them properly. Haha a character from Silver Spoon had the exact same issues but the egg’s deliciousness won over the disgust XD We actually hold some chickens so we have the eggs straight from the source, so to speak.

        3. HueSatLight

          Is it hard to find irradiated pork in Poland?

        4. Da Boy

          I mean, if we import it from Ukraine then Maaaybe XD

        5. Da Boy

          Oh, wait you mean irradiated as in industrially irradiated to kill parasites and bacteria? Huh I didn’t even know that was a thing.

  39. Synnerman

    Wow, this is so wild that Joe has full on eyes.

  40. Anon A Mouse

    Joe is a Champ. Why did I have to post this before someone else?

  41. Pocky

    Getting right to the “stories about butts and poop” stage of their relationship, I see.

  42. Arianod

    Yes you are, Joe. Deal with it ^^

  43. Ray

    Aha! Joyce was an early adopter of butt stuff

  44. Jon

    If I wasn’t thoroughly convinced this anecdote was autobiographical, I’d probably think that not chewing your Mac & cheese shouldn’t REALLY make all that much difference to your gut — it ain’t the hardest food in the world, after all.

    1. BBCC

      No, but swallow it whole for long enough and that much cheese and pasta cannot be good for you.

  45. Mr.Morningstar

    TO BE FAIR severe constipation is no joke either

  46. Acher4

    what

    What.

    1. David DeLaney

      – in the butt!

  47. John Campbell

    Sal, three days from now: “Hey, you seen Wonderbread around?”

    Joe: “Uh… no. I figured Dan was with you.”

    Joyce: “Who?”

    Danny: *shriveled up into a prune in the shower, patiently waiting for Joe to come tell him it’s okay to come back*

    1. David DeLaney

      *also has been mildly fantasizing about Joe seeing him nekkid in the shower*

  48. Eyebrow

    Mr. Willis, Please tell me that this episode isn’t autobiographical.

    1. Azhrei Vep

      The alt-text has …. “implications” that may not please you.

  49. Nymph

    I used to swallow chef boyardee ravioli whole because I was super hungry and it was super heated (i.e. LAVA inside) and I worked out that what I didn’t bite couldn’t hurt me.

    Do not recommend.

  50. ValdVin

    I’m a cishet guy of a certain age and have been examined in that manner a, uhhh, number of times.

    My PCP of 20 years has never complimented me on my “Handling it like a champ”.

    Am I not doing this correctly?

    1. David DeLaney

      well, how ARE you handling being handled?

      1. ValdVin

        Seriously, I’m fine with it. My private experiences with ass play certainly help.

        But even though she’s been my doctor for two decades I’m not going to crack any jokes about it. Joyce’s doctor’s quip was great in fiction.

    2. zee

      None joke answer, I guess cuz kids would need that kinda reassurance

  51. Nicoleandmaggie

    After potty training our first kid, we both became completely desensitized to poop talk. (Prior to that not so much, which made pregnancy #1 talk less comfortable.)

  52. Alan in DC

    What’s worse than having a doctor manually clear your constipation?
    When Capt Hook does it.

  53. Steamweed

    There are a few ways to interpret Joe’s statements in the last panel. I’m amused at all of them.

  54. Matrix

    GET USED TO IT, PAL

  55. Big Z

    Panel five, top: Wuv, twuu wuv…

  56. Needfuldoer

    Impacted bowels are no fun. Especially when it’s been several days, you stopped eating two days ago because of the nausea, and despite liquids and laxatives all your attempts at evicting it have been in vain. Eventually you either miraculously pass something the approximate size of a Jimmy Dean pork sausage, or you go to the ER and they Roto-Rooter it out of you.

    Remember kids, always eat your fiber.

    1. HueSatLight

      Something large enough to name.

      1. Needfuldoer

        Yes, yes it was.

  57. Amós Batista

    You should read the small letters before sign the clause, Joe. It does incluse eschatology.

  58. Pylgrim

    Today I learned there’s such a thing as TOO TMI

  59. Amós Batista

    Mistery solved: nobody’s under Joe.

  60. DarkoNeko

    TMI, joyce

    1. CianM1301

      We are, all of us, drowning in testimony.

  61. ValdVin

    “IAmAttractedToThisIAmAttractedToThis” certainly beats “The Answer to My Dream! The Answer to My Dream!” as a mantra from Joe.

  62. zee

    Took me four years to reach the “exchanging traumatic poop stories” stage in my relationship. I’m almost jealous

  63. zee

    Also being a teen, getting deliberately drunk for the first time and wondering if any negative feeling the next morning is what a hangover is supposed to be is high key relatable.

    My only hangover was when I got shit faced on my first Depression Night after finally coming off of my meds from my wisdom teeth removal. Felt so sick the next morning I had to use the gravol they prescribed me (which i was using as sleeping pills) and could only eat scrambled eggs that i made myself.

    Moral of the story, just get anti depressants

  64. modulusshift

    oh. that explains a period of constipation in my life actually, thanks Joyce lmao

    1. David DeLaney

      {sfx=rainbow}The More You Know!

      –Dave, … no, I’m just gonna leave it open-ended, but thx

  65. Yeet

    I’d expect danny to be calmer about accidentally encountering a pooping person, given the half bath situation that has to have happened a few times
    it being a girl doesn’t make that much of a difference unless you have some very specific tastes

    1. thejeff

      It’s more about it being a surprise girl and Joe’s girlfriend and a girl he’d expect to be more bothered about it than she is.

    2. HueSatLight

      Danny’s probably leaving because he thinks he’s being surprise sexiled. And Joe’s probably wondering more about how she got there than about the pooping. The night before she was too anxious to sleep next to him.

      1. Yeet

        I think she was getting up to poop a bunch the night before

        1. HueSatLight

          The night before this one…

  66. CianM1301

    What kind of Mac and Cheese was Joyce eating that it caused constipation to that degree?

    1. Taffy

      The unchewed kind

    2. HueSatLight

      probably farfalline improperly labeled as macaroni, it will tie you up.

      1. Casi

        At least it wasn’t rotini, that stuff really twists up your insides

  67. Dev

    If you can talk about your radical shitting stories with a partner and they can follow up with their own tubular shittastic story? That’s a keeper.

  68. miz

    [kent mansley voice] you know, this sort of thing is why it’s so important to really chew your food.

  69. Mr. Random

    I think you should probably hold off on the shitting stories until at least the first month is up.

    1. Needfuldoer

      But this isn’t a shitting story.

  70. Lee

    I take it Joyce is still a lil tipsy if she’s comfy sharing this much but on the other hand, kudos for Joe going “ok, this is a bit weird but I like Joyce a lot so we’re going to push through it without making it weirder”. As an over-sharer when I’m anxious etc I appreciate a partner who’s that patient.

  71. bcb

    When I got my cat from the shelter one of the people working there taught me how to give her a pill, and said “usually she takes it like a champ.”

    (Meaning that usually my cat was easier to give pills to than other cats in the same shelter.)

  72. SvenTS

    Old Joe: So… you’re saying you’re already experienced with anal then….

  73. Roe

    Joyce shamelessly pooping in full view of two men….I never liked her more

  74. Suet

    “Girls poop?”

    Who’s speaking as the alt-text THIS time

  75. Warcodered

    I mean he is attracted to this, not the poop thing, the Joyce being kind of adorably oblivious thing it still applies.

  76. CODDE117

    Mac n Cheese is VERY easy to swallow whole

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