191

Poke
Posted on April 2, 2013 by David M Willis
The poking was my wife's idea. Woof!  You guys sure liked yesterday's 15% off coupon code, didn't ya?  I haven't had to package up this many books in one day since my last Kickstarter.  Well, I'm keeping the OHCRAP code active in the store until the end of my birthday on Wednesday, April 3.   Probably midnight Pacific Time.  Thanks, everybody!  Your help was very greatly appreciated.

191 thoughts on “Poke”

  1. tbf

    Aw, yeah. It starts here.

    1. jiynx

      watch. i’m going to have completely called her reaction to this revelation back during the ‘preconceived notions/new ideas’ strip area.

      tons of prayer, etc, it’s a choice, etc.

    2. Resne

      It ends in tears.

      1. Mr. Kitty

        It always ends in tears.

        1. Felix Kütt

          in sweet, sweet caramel tears… wait what was we taking a-boot again?

        2. Rognik

          BUT how does it start?

        3. Josh

          With her penis.

        4. MeI&Myself

          *Obligatory “On his face” comment*

  2. Sporky

    Well, this is a surprising reaction, not only for being so understated but also its actual content.

    I really, really like it.

    1. Lani

      don’t get your hopes up, I wouldn’t be surprised if she thinks she’s got the AIDS because they kissed

  3. Yotomoe

    Are you trying to tell me gay people…are just people? Naw, that can’t be true.

    1. Skull025

      We’ve extensively studied the effects of “gay” on normal people. The results were. . . Terrifying.
      Fabulousness. Fabulousness everywhere.

      1. Yotomoe

        Everything was so color coordinated. EVERYTHING WAS SO TRENDSETTING!!!

        1. Pat

          This has not been my experience.

        2. Beachfox

          Based on my husband’s and my wardrobes, next year cutting fashions will be ratty sweatpants and Woot.com shirts!

          You have been forewarned!

        3. Yotomoe

          Then I’m already ahead of the curve!

        4. tahrey

          So.
          Much.
          Glitter.

          THE HORROR

        5. Plasma Mongoose

          But Joyce likes sparkles being a Twilight fan.

      2. otusasio451

        I’m with another university doing a similar set of studies on effects to prolonged exposure to the “gay” mutagen, or fabulon, as we call it, on normal people. The sheer amounts of fabulousness…we couldn’t measure it on the normal metric scale.

        1. Blue

          Chiffon. Chiffon EVERYWHERE!
          ALL THE CHIFFON

          No? Just me?
          this is what happens when you have no social life outside of your ballroom team circle, blue

        2. BrokenEye, True False Prophet

          Wait… chiffon? *checks the dictionary* Shit, and here all this time I thought a chiffon was an item of furniture. What the hell was I confusing it with?

        3. Anickel4u

          The fabulon is over 9000!!!

      3. Anonymous

        There was a significantly amusing SMBC Theatre video that comes to mind. “I’m gay, not TV gay!”

        1. otusasio451

          “Can we have your gay gold?”
          “That’s leprechauns.”

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          The video in question.

    2. GoldStarz

      Well except for their secret underground lairs where they throw wild parties, but yeah other than that, completely normal.

      1. jiynx

        and don’t forget the gay agenda, which calls for a totally EXHAUSTING disruption of traditional american life and the total usurpation of good values and morals from 530-730 PM.

        and then maybe go out for some tapas and dancing!

        1. Emoroffle

          Ok I people. This is not a drill! The straights know our plans. Everyone proceed calmly to your designated bunkers. Men follow Elton to the bunker marked “wang” women follow Ellen to the bunker marked “coochie”.

        2. Neospector

          Awooga awooga!

      2. Saru

        Was that a…One Piece reference?

    3. Rex Hondo

      While there were a couple of spikes during dinner, Ethan, on average, emits a very low level of gaydiation. At rest, he probably has a baseline of only 10 to 15 Millisimmonses.

      1. jiynx

        i’d say his baseline is more on the order of micro to nanosimmonses… given the sheer strength of a full simmons… after all few gaydars are capable of accurately detecting anything stronger than about 1.6 simmonses…

        1. Rex Hondo

          It is hard to get an exact read, given Fourth-Wall interference.

          Researchers have noted that, given current technological limitations, anything over a 1.5 Simmonses buries the needle, makes a lewd comment about “burying the needle,” and then possibly feels up one of the male researchers before prancing off singing “It’s Raining Men.”

          It’s also important to remember, when contemplating those results, that anything above a full Simmons has a very good chance of being a false positive brought on by parody, known as the “Jack McFarland Effect.”

  4. Doom Shepherd

    Normal sucks.

    1. MrSmiley

      “This doesn’t mean we aren’t going out any more… does it?”

  5. Juliecat

    BUT WHERE ARE YOUR HORNS AND CLOVEN HOOVES, ETHAN?

    1. Yotomoe

      Do you have to tuck your pointed tail in your pants?

      1. gangler

        Everything Joyce knows about homosexuals she learned from a Christian fan-translation of Blue Exorcist. Her pastor puts these things together to keep Jesus hip for the kids.

      2. |Agent

        Tucking is more a cross-dressing specialty than a gay specialty.

    2. TPman

      What is underneath that bowl cut?!?

  6. VizardJeffhog

    SURPRISE, JOYCE!

  7. name

    Joyce disproves the long held myth that gay people melt when poked.

    1. Kernanator

      Maybe she should try dumping water on him.

      1. Yotomoe

        Then he’ll just go into slow motion and look even more fabulous as he shakes his hair out.

        1. gangler

          Henshin a go go baby!

      2. Plasma Mongoose

        So gays are like good witches then?

        1. Kernanator

          Sure, let’s go with that.

        2. Plasma Mongoose

          Your face makes that statement seen insincere somehow.

      3. JBO

        Sorry your new gravatar is just to hilarious I can not take seriously anything you say EVER.

      4. Rex Hondo

        No, Joyce. It’s not that kind of flaming.

      5. Roborat

        Better not, then he would change sex, but would still be homosexual, and would now be sexually interested in Joyce. Might depend on the water temperature, however.

  8. SUGauthor

    This is exactly what Ethan was talking about.

  9. Shade

    Yeah, funny thing that.

  10. Wonder Wig

    This reminds me of a scene from the Woody Allen movie, Love and Death.

    1. Wonder Wig

      From 0:48 to 1:06, Replace Jew with Homosexual, the old man as someone from Joyce’s church, and the little boy as little Joyce and it’s how I imagine she was educated. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0nxp07vM_r0&feature=player_detailpage#t=47s

  11. Kernanator

    Y-You mean that gay people don’t secretly have horns or tails or red skin? JACK CHICK, YOU HAVE LIED TO ME YET AGAIN!

    1. Yotomoe

      Jack Chick…I’m beginning to think you’ve never told me the truth.

      1. jiynx

        nah, he was right. D&D really IS a portal to demon worship.

        /and then we stab the demon and his worshippers and take the gold…

  12. Cas A Nova

    Joyce… Joyce, you’re learning so much at college and you haven’t even been here long. Just keep on trucking!
    But I must point out if you poked me after I told you that I am gay, I would punch you, because gay, straight, bi, whatever, I don’t like being poked.

    1. name

      Well, if thats how you’d react to being poked by the very uptight religious girl you’ve been lying to and dating for the past week, you must really dislike being poked. Did you have some poking related incdent in your childhood? Its okay, you can tell me I’m from the internet.

    2. Mr. Random

      Your name just makes your comment Soooooo much better. At least This much.

    3. DarkVeghetta

      Look at her! She can’t be punched. It would be like kicking a puppy. She’s innocently immune from punching.

  13. 31stwalker

    She is taking this FAR too better than I imanged right now.

    1. Viktoria

      “You seem normal” is not a good reaction. She’s shocked and very much digging in on her biases. We’ve only had one update of reaction, I’m expecting the Joyce-hate to be out in full force after tomorrow’s.

      1. Jackie M.

        I disagree. I think “you seem normal” is a great reaction, because to me a bad reaction would be to completely disregard all previous interactions she’s had with him and assume he’s actually a horrible person and does/thinks all the horrible things she’s always been told or has assumed gay people do/think.
        “You seem to be normal” confronts the idea that she has been talking to someone who fit in perfectly with what her idea of being a good guy is (despite being Jewish) and has not possessed any of the horrible traits she assumes all gay people share. This might make her reevaluate this one belief and while it probably won’t make her throw out fundamentalism altogether, there’s a chance she might figure out a different interpretation that allows her to reconcile the fact that gays can be good people. Though I doubt any of this will happen overnight.
        Of course maybe I’m just taking my personal experience of when my best friend came out to me and applying to to Joyce. Possibly. haha But I still want to be optimistic about this.

    2. Plasma Mongoose

      Maybe she will seek to learn more about gays and this results in her joining a slashfic club.

  14. Theozilla

    This reaction is absolutely perfect (so far). All I can think of though is how the metaphorical “pre-conceived notions” box inside Joyce’s head (from this)
    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2013/comic/book-3/02-guess-whos-coming-to-galassos/proven/
    is likely beginning to smolder (if not already bursting into flames).

    1. jiynx

      pfft no, but the recycle bin is going to get awfully full awfully fast.

      i’m just trying to work out how they can’t date because he’s gay. is there some sort of requirement for matching orientations somewhere? some kind of law that makes it bad just because they both like guys? i mean, c’mon, it’s something else they have in common!

      1. timemonkey

        Joyce is looking for a husband, it’s the whole reason she’s at college. Ethan being gay makes him unable to fullfill his husbandly duties.

        1. BranTheQuixotic

          I really hope she doesn’t try to go all Exodus International on him. Please, Joyce, take a bump up in that latent maturity that we know you have from small moments of clarity, like that earlier one in the bathroom.

        2. MichaelHaneline

          Depends what one considers “husbandly duties.”
          If “loving your wife” is a husbandly duty (which *I* think it is), then I agree with you.
          But that seems to be low priority in a lot of marriages.

      2. brumagem

        My hope is the recycle bin get’s so full some of it spills into and mixes with the preconceived notions.

  15. Count Dracula

    Now Joyce realizes that those in the hold of The Gay look…just like her friends, neighbors, and family! It could be ANYWHERE, on ANYONE! Joyce will have to start sleeping with her lights on, only looking away from the locked door to sneak a glance at the window in case it tries to sneak in through the back.

    1. Yotomoe

      They could be anywhere, anyone…even…me!!!!
      *and then Joyce’s head explodes*

      1. Count Dracula

        “It could be YOU! It could be ME! It could EVEN be-“SPLUT

        1. Zap Rowsdower

          Yeah, gays are a lot like dirty commies that way.

        2. brumagem

          It was obvious, he’s the RED Gay. Any minute now his straight disguise will turn gay! Wait, that’s blood…

      2. Phillip Wilde

        One never knows when the homosexual is about.

        http://youtu.be/Pcy_6anmVUc

    2. Wack'd

      Gays are communists?

      1. Yotomoe

        Communists are gay?

        1. Emoroffle

          Only the cute ones.

        2. Tenn

          They’re also muslims. And atheists. Didn’t you get the memo? Are you one of them?

  16. Pat

    …Did this make things better or worse? I can’t tell yet.

  17. HK-A6A7

    That was pretty much my reaction to the first time I saw average guy who was gay.
    Before that day, every homosexual I’ve met were… Weird.

    Being honest, I was really glad to meet someone like him, it helped me a lot to remove the idea of “Gays are crazy people that wear flashy colors and want to touch my butt (A true story, btw)”. I never liked to see them like that, but that incident didn’t allow me to change my pov.

    1. Pat

      You met somebody who wasn’t weird? You poor thing!

      Now, I realize that “normal” can be terrifying, but not everybody is like that. I’m sure you’ll find some more interesting people, don’t worry.

      1. begbert2

        Well, there’s interesting, and there’s interesting-as-in ‘conforming to horrifyingly blatant stereotypes’. Surprising as it may seem, there’s a small window of difference between the two.

        1. Pat

          Weird isn’t always good, but is “normal” ever?

  18. ridtom

    Joyce no one who has such an amazing bowl cut could ever be normal. Superior maybe but never normal.

  19. Nono

    Joyce now goes to tell Billie about her new gay friend, who immediately asks for pictures. Enraptured by ‘the tall hunk of well-chinned dude’, Billie’s new mission is to get him to kiss another guy. While she watches.

    Hilarious antice ensue.

    1. Yotomoe

      Ending with Billie somehow kissing another girl.

      1. Shobo

        The other girl being Joyce. Then Ethan and Joyce hook up, realizing that they are both gay.

        1. Yotomoe

          I don’t even know how that’d work but I like it.

  20. Beachfox

    I consider it a massive prop for Joyce that she considers Jewish nerds “normal”.

    1. Kernanator

      I guess that is encouraging.

    2. begbert2

      Does she know he’s a nerd? I don’t recall it having come up with him. Too much overshadowing by teh gay, perhaps?

      1. Rhys

        Well, they HAVE been spending an inordinate amount of time watching cartoons together.

        1. Aydr

          Hell, he was holding a transformer when they first decided to hang out.

  21. timemonkey

    It’s like we can see Joyce’s worldview shifting. I’m hoping this goes fairly well. for everyone’s sake. I mean, she’s friends will Billie and Billie seems to be bisexual, whether she’s realised or not is unclear, and I don’t really want anything to wreck that friendship either. Plus I just give Joyce more credit than most people here seem to.

    1. John

      Maybe Joyce’s friendship with Billie will help her come to terms with her own PSL for Dorothy.

    2. SUGauthor

      Is Billie bisexual in the Walkyverse?

      1. begbert2

        She experimented, but I don’t think she was/is really bi.

        1. timemonkey

          Didn’t she and Ruth hook up before Ruth died? Walky mentions it at the wedding in Shortpacked.

        2. Aydr

          Yeah, at the very least she’s experimented with Ruth in both universes.

  22. LtSaraD

    that is so funny and mean all at the same time

  23. Romanticide

    A coment unfortunately extremely common… keep going Joyce, your allllmoost there.

    1. timemonkey

      People gonna come from everywhere, she’s almost there!

    2. Yotomoe

      You’re* (another unfortunately extremely common comment.)

  24. Vivvav

    I am enjoying this story greatly.

  25. Scronce

    Oh Joyce, if you knew Ethan like we know Ethan…

  26. Bob

    The first guy she met was a rapist and the second guy she met is gay.
    The opposite in terms of wanting her body.

    1. Wack'd

      Second and third. You forgot Joe.

      1. BranTheQuixotic

        Joe’s starting to look pretty good in that lineup. I mean all he wanted to do was to enter into a discussion about why Joyce thought sex was wrong and persuade her that it wasn’t. …So that he could bone her.

        Funny, Joe is the only guy who was honest with Joyce about what he wanted.

        1. Yotomoe

          Joe is many things but he’s no liar.

        2. Leonou

          Joe and Joyce burning bridges so fast has been my greatest (onloy ?) disappointment since DoA started.
          Their relationship in “It’s Walky” was one of the most interesting and I in the whole comic and I really hoped that, in this universe, we could see them interact more … well, maybe there is still hope ?
          please ?

        3. timemonkey

          Joyce and Joe got off to a bad start in Roomies as well. I’m sure eventually they’ll actually start talking and I’d love if they gave an actual relationship a shot.

  27. Turkey Dave

    This is going a lot better than I thought it would

  28. Uniqueantique

    Agree to that statement. It IS going a lot better than I thought it would…so far anyway.
    Someone said that most people here don’t give Joyce enough credit. And that is true I guess, if it is considered what she was like on day one in the dorms. She has a long way to go…but she has come a long way also.

  29. JD

    I also give her a lot of credit for not shutting down entirely, tbh. Considering what Joyce has gone through in the past couple weeks, finding a great boyfriend and then having him go “oops, sorry, I’m gay” would be more than adequate grounds for curling up into a little ball and just whimpering for a bit.

    Cheer up Joyce. Someday something will go right for you. …I mean, it has to eventually, right guys?

    1. Steve

      Maybe alterna-Walky will still be her perfect match ultimately…

  30. Somebody

    And lots of non-gay people aren’t normal. I should know.

  31. Maycroft

    yes joyce, they can blend in discretely to avoid drawing attention.

  32. Aeyt

    That’s hilarious. Do people really think gays look different from non gays? Man! Ignorance is astounding.

    1. Khrene Cleaver

      Well, have you ever notices the little blushes Ethan always has?

      As I said about 2 seconds ago, Danny has them too but, honestly he acts less hetero normal than most…

      1. Josh

        You mean like the ones Joyce has on this very strip?

        1. Yotomoe

          You mean the ones that nearly everyone has?

        2. begbert2

          Given that this is a Willis comic, you can’t use that as proof that blushes =/= gay.

        3. Khrene Cleaver

          I’m attributing the blushes to femininity not homosexuality in general.

          I also attributing male homosexuality to femininity or flamboyance (and therefore blushes), because thats how gay men tend to be portrayed in media and by people who aren’t familiar with gay men, which is most likely the assumption Joyce had about gay guys.

          Male Characters who don’t have blushes: Walky, Joe, Mike

          Male Characters that do: Danny, Ethan

          I was pointing out that so far every guy in the recurring cast who is gay or known to not be hetero normal (Danny with his interest in hanging curtains and being unmanly enough to have multiple pairs of shoes) has the blushes.

        4. David

          Well if you ignore a lot of characters, that’s a pretty convincing pattern!

        5. Somebody

          That’s dumb.

    2. Creativerealms

      Sadly yes Fundies tend to treat Gays like an illness. That their behavior is unnatural and clearly noticeable. being “In the closest” does not seem to exist to Fundies as all gays to them “choose” to be gay and lie to themselves and others that they were born that way. All a gay needs to do to become straight is believe in Jesus and choose to be straight. Yeah complete bull.

      1. Pat

        And they firmly believe it’ll happen. Despite the fact that in all the years they’ve been pushing it, it hasn’t happened yet.
        Unless you count the ones who they pay to say that it worked. In that case, it works for them right up until the sex scandal.

        It’s really amazing how easy it is to predict the sex scandal. I mean, they seem easy enough to avoid and if you’re getting paid not to have one…

  33. JA

    Aaaaaand another preconception of Joyce’s crumbles into dust.

  34. Khrene Cleaver

    Normal Ethan is! But Joyce failed to notice the little blushes he always has! I mean Danny has them too but, honestly he acts less hetero normal than most…

    1. Tenn

      You mean the little blushes that everyone has?

      1. Khantalas

        Mike has them only when drunk.

  35. Victor

    Reality check lesson #1: NEVER trust Jack Chick as any source of facts, ever.

    1. begbert2

      Heck, when I saw that he had humans in his comic, I spent the next four hours believing humans were imaginary.

  36. Bob

    Oh boy. Let the conversion begin.

  37. Notebooked

    The Amber thing earlier may have mentally prepared her for this ‘relationship’ being ‘over’. In comparison to that, this may actually be a welcome development, because this way it’s not her fault or anyone’s fault.
    The Amber thing had her prepared to freak out, but this is totally out of left field and she may not know how to react yet. She may need a few more moments to work out her reaction, which would give Ethan well-needed time to explain his reason for going out with her, which may make her calm down…

    She seems very dissappointed and downcast now, but she may be so downcast she can’t bother to get upset. If Ethan explains his situation now, she may listen and that could rock her certainty in the fine details of her beliefs a bit.

  38. E.C.

    ‘Normal’ is such a slippery term…

  39. Darkflame

    Wait…gay people are solid?

    I thought the clue was we never saw them touch anything.

    1. Rex Hondo

      You’re thinking of ghosts and holograms.

      Joyce is just confused because she’s touched him multiple times and he hasn’t granted her any wishes yet. That’s what the gays do, isn’t it?

      1. Kernanator

        You’re thinking of genies.

        What she’s doing is trying to find his pot of gold.

        1. vsophi

          That’s leprechauns.

          No, she’s wondering how she managed to say his name so often and not get whisked away mid-sentence.

        2. |Agent

          No, no, that’s Italians. Different kind of fabulous.

          She just can’t believe he’s wearing gray, instead of plum chiffon. Maybe she thinks the shirt is really dusty?

  40. Doom Shepherd

    Joyce starts to question her whole religious upbringing. As she learns about the myriad falsehoods she’s been told, the pendulum swings so far the other direction that she becomes one of those “anti-theist” jerkass atheists who exists only to troll and attack even the most inoffensive Christians. Eventually, after much drama, she has to be talked/smacked down by the more reasonable Dorothy. Only then does her reign of jackassery end. Then they kiss.

    1. Steve

      Silly! Joyce is lusting after Sal…

  41. Stranger

    Its like watching an animal raised in captivity trying to survive in the wild, everything that should be part of normal development is an alien experience.

  42. HLY

    OK, I expecteda much better response from Joyce there.

    still, it could have been much worse. I guess she’s been raised to think homoseuality is some sort of desiese, so her not freeking out or trying to stake him is probably a good sign

  43. ADHadh

    They all do at first.

  44. Sir Robin

    “You weren’t gay earlier, did you catch it from Walky’s shirt?”

    1. Sir Robin

      “first a creationist and now this? What a day I am having.”

      1. begbert2

        Um.

  45. Jack Faire

    Joyce’s thoughts
    “Wait pastor boy turned out to be evil incarnate who tried to rape me”

    “Gay boy turns out to be good guy to befriend”

    “IT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE MIND BLOW IMMINENT”

  46. TJ Baltimore

    I went to a Christian college of one of the more conservative denominations. This is pretty much one of the standard reactions I got when I came out (minus the poking).

    Based on my personal experience, once she assimilates this new knowledge, Joyce and Ethan will become BFFs and talk about cute boys while they both giggle.

  47. KingStarscream

    I can’t wait to see how THIS turns out. Though I’m surprised and delighted to see her have an almost normal reaction. Key word here “almost”.

  48. tahrey

    Well, this is one to bookmark and drop into various dumb arguments around the net for a while…

  49. S. Sagara

    This was the best reaction she coulda had. I’m so proud

  50. Intie

    The pure, naive, unsuspecting, ignorant christian character isn’t cute, it’s fucking scary. I really don’t see anything funny about it. I know homosexuality and religion has an important place in the whole Willisverse but I can’t really put up with Joyce.

    1. kishimobot

      I don’t think it’s meant to be cute or even necessarily funny. It’s a reflection of reality. Many Christians really just don’t get homosexuality and have absolute zero exposure to openly gay people to debunk their image of what homosexuality is supposed to look like. Joyce is in the process of learning and in my opinion, that is nothing to be hated

    2. vsophi

      I think Joyce’s character is meant to be really personal, seeing as Willis has mentioned several times that she’s GPOY.

  51. ryu

    oh, this is going to go so well….

  52. Martigro

    Yes Joyce, because being gay IS normal! 😀

  53. Arkadi

    That’s our Joyce.

    I wonder what a “gay” looks like in her book.

    1. someguywithakatana

      scarves. Ridiculously nice shades and scarves

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        So the 4th Doctor is representative of gays then? WHOA!

        1. Arkadi

          I think she meant the other kind of scarf XD

    2. Roborat

      Thats easy. Faaaaaabulous.

  54. Li

    http://www.dumbingofage.com/2012/comic/book-2/06-strange-beerfellows/sin/

    Yeah, I just don’t quite get why people think Joyce is going to start aggressively praying the gay away any second now.

    Personally I always expected a reaction more on par with Dorothy’s atheism. She’s very surprised and a bit scared for you, but she tires not to be offensive to your face. (Emphasis: tries!)

    I’d argue that Joyce has only been openly “confrontational” on Judaism and dinosaurs — both times for the same reason (she doesn’t think of Jewish people as intimidating or people who might be offended, and she had no idea Dina would react as strongly as she did). Contrast with Dorothy and with race relations: she knows there’s offense to be taken, and she stumbles badly but really does try.

    She might be worried about Ethan and she might want to help him stop sinning, but I doubt she’ll be aggressive. I expect her to try to talk to someone else about her fears, or to very TIMIDLY ask Ethan if he’s sure, etc.

    1. Dr.Z

      I suspect it might be because some readers want reason to confirm their dislike her.

      1. begbert2

        It’s actually because she’s a fundamentalist, and fundamentalists in both real life and fiction have a strong tendency to react in certain ways to certain stimuli. Joyce is very, very nice for a fundamentalist, so we veer away from the assumption that she’ll reflexively commit a hate crime. But the nicest ever fundamentalist would try to pray the gay away, because to her homosexuality is a sin and she would like god to take away his urge to sin.

        And to most Christians, praying for you isn’t being aggressive. It’s doing you a favor.

        1. Li

          She IS super fundamentalist, but I never said she wouldn’t pray for him. I said she wouldn’t AGGRESSIVELY pray the gay away, e.g. be confrontational about it, as most people seemed to expect her to.

          All I was saying was that I didn’t think Joyce would pounce on him to perform an exorcism, or yell at him, or call him disgusting, or drag him by the ear to the nearest church, which I think are definitely things some of the commentators on this page would expect of Joyce.

          Basically: Joyce probably does believe that being gay is something you can pray away, and she might well WANT to do that for Ethan, but I couldn’t picture her confronting Ethan like that. If he hadn’t approached the topic the way he does on the next page (which all but BEGS Joyceto pray his gay away), I think I would have been proven right.

          Additionally, IF Joyce would have been more confrontational about this before, I imagine that the conversation with Dina already sapped some of her reserves of confrontational strength.

          And finally, while we all bring our own baggage to things like this and I have a lot of really mrr feelings about Christians that I don’t feel I should have to apologize for, JOYCE is not every bigot you’ve ever heard about. She is Joyce, and what she said about homosexuality and her reaction to Dorothy is a lot more relevant to predicting her response here than what OTHER assholes would do.

          Funny story: I lost most of my original comment and didn’t have the energy to try to type it all out again.

      2. Li

        Yeah, this is… sigh. Kind of what I think, too.

    2. vsophi

      Well, she does hate lying. Of course, it’s likely that’s because of what Ryan did to her…

      Even so, Joyce is kind of desperate. In her eyes, Ethan’s perfect husband material, and this revelation means that he’s no longer available to her. Praying the gay away doesn’t seem all that unlikely of a reaction, considering she’s had such terrible luck with boys in the past.

      1. Li

        As noted above, I never said she wouldn’t: I said she wouldn’t do it AGGRESSIVELY. I had no problems picturing her going to the nearest pastor and asking for advice, or praying for Ethan privately, or asking him if he’s sure and offering to help him because he’s obviously conflicted, etc etc etc. I had problems picturing her throwing holy water on him or calling him names, etc. There’s a difference.

  55. HiEv

    Ethan: “Yeah, I didn’t want to bring up being gay because I’m sick and tired of people judging me and insulting me based on that one little thing, instead of who I am as a whole person. But you won’t do that to me, right Joyce?”

    Joyce: “Erg… ah… uh… ummm….” (mind blown in trying to resolve paradox of how to not be judgmental and insulting while doing what her faith tells her to do to gays)

    1. Dr.Z

      What does her faith tells her to do to gays?

      1. begbert2

        Either cure them, shun them, or kill them. There was a Chick tract in one of yesterday’s comments that nicely presents the spectrum. And Joyce does read Chick tracts – even keeping them on her person.

        1. Sir Robin

          http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5003/5003_01.asp

          http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1070/1070_01.asp

        2. Li

          There is so much delusion and hatred in those pages.

          Perhaps unsurprisingly, they were clearly written by someone who had never seen a gay person, let alone actually talked to one.

        3. Li

          I particularly like how the comic attempts to twist the argument against Sodom and Gomorrah.

          Yes, the inhospitality was significant, but it was only a symptom of the real problem, which is that the whole of the city was possessed, not because of their imaginary plague of homosexuality, but because of their pagan worship.

          The real story is a million times more interesting, in addition to not being completely insane.

          Relevant passage:

          Ezekiel recorded the sins of Sodom: Ezek. 16:49:50 – pride, fullness of bread, abundance of idleness, they did not strengthen the hand of the poor and needy, they were haughty and committed abomination. A note about this unspecified abomination: In the Law of Moses, many things are called abomination, including such things as eating pork and shellfish, having sex with a woman during her period, etc. But Sodom and the other cities were destroyed before the Law was written, so we’ll need to look outside the Law for the definition of this word. Outside the Law, the word abomination almost always refers to the practices associated with idol worship, some of which were enumerated earlier. It should also be noted that ancient Jewish commentaries on Sodom (in the Mishnah) all agree that Sodom and the other cities were destroyed because of their failure to help the poor. None of them suggests anything in regard to homosexual activity. In fact, historically, the first religious document to suggest such a connection was the Quran (c. AD 600).

          Plz note that, unlike those incredibly stupid and vile comments, it is again not helping the poor that is the worst thing you can do. Good luck getting into your Christian Heaven, guys.

          /I know, I’m just full of this website lately, but it really annoys me that people base all this crap on the Bible and don’t even have what it says right.

      2. Kernanator

        Fight, Item, or Run.

  56. Fady

    Aaaaaaaaaah that’s so perfect

    That is the absolute most perfect thing Joyce could have ever ever ever said oh my god

    It is like I am looking at REAL LIFE

  57. RobjustRob

    Gay???? But…but…. I’ve never seen you wear ANYTHING lavender?!

    1. Dr.Z

      It will be a sad day when the gay mafia corners Ethan about not toting the party line.

      I hear Sir Elton John is a man not to cross.

  58. lightsabermario

    Honestly I understand where Joyce is coming from here. While it is often extremely hard to tell straight girls from lesbians unless they go all out, every gay man I’ve met has that extremely noticable feminine-style voice, where it’s very faint like their voice never deepened, and/or they put on that “gay-sassy” accent. (I don’t know how else to describe it.) I know that gay people without that accent exist, but I have yet to meet one, so Joyce’s confusion is understandable.

    1. Li

      Yeah, unsurprisingly gay men ALSO try hard to conform to the role society has painted for them.

      Probably a little ironic, since putting on The Sass was probably originally a form of rebellion against traditional (heterosexual) masculine culture.

  59. J42

    This comic works perfectly as a standalone; it’s to-the-point and you don’t need to know the characters to get it.
    Willis, you should use this to advertise. [Also, happy birthday!]

  60. Dazed1

    Read this one three different times, and it always cracks me up.

  61. nothri

    I think I should find this insulting, but it is pretty adorable.

  62. Not

    So… fun note! My birthday is April 2nd. My ex-girlfriend’s birthday is April 4th. Yours being the third made me giggle.

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