228

Journalist
Posted on April 23, 2014 by David M Willis
NEW $75K STRETCH GOAL REWARD: I've drawn a number of NSFW stories for Slipshine, in both the Dumbing of Age and Shortpacked! universes.  They were drawn for Slipshine, they belong to Slipshine, and so they aren't mine to sell.  However, Slipshine has decided to gift PDFs of my first two Slipshine stories to all pledgers if we reach $75,000!  That's both the Walky/Dorothy (Dumbing of Age) and Robin/Leslie stories (Shortpacked!) which will be made available for pledgers to download after the end of the Kickstarter pledge period.  Whether you pledge $5 or $300, these PDFs can be yours! There is no other way to get these other than being a Slipshine subscriber (which I recommend, because I have other stuff on there, will continue to have more stuff, and everything else on there is pretty swell).  Slipshine was very generous in letting me give these out!  Hopefully we reach $75k so their generosity can be made real.

228 thoughts on “Journalist”

  1. AHR

    Damn, Danny, showing anger.

    1. Jen Aside

      Or… doing a bad Amazi-Girl impersonation?

      1. Seerow

        Totally impersonating amazi-girl.

        1. KingMabel

          Which is just a feminine Batman voice.

        2. Doctor_Who

          So a Batgirl voice? Does that mean Danny is talking like Tara Strong?

        3. GoldStarz

          Probably more like Alyson Stoner.

        4. MichaelHaneline

          Wait, are you saying Raven is Amazi-Girl?

        5. Doctor_Who

          Wait, are you saying Bubbles is Raven?

        6. TachyonCode

          That’s the best theory I’ve ever heard.

        7. Usayasha

          Wait, are you saying Ben Tennyson is Bubbles?

        8. darkgloomie

          Wait, are you saying Twilight Sparkle is Ben Tenyson?

        9. Jen Aside

          Wait are you saying Who is on first

        10. fantasyfreakvi

          Wait, are you saying that Timmy Turner is Twilight Sparkle?

        11. Doctor_Who

          Wait, are you saying Princess Clara is Timmy Turner?

        12. Cody B

          No wait, what were we saying?

        13. Drakey

          I think we were saying that Don Knotts is The Incredible Hulk

        14. Aeyt

          How about Barbara Gordon?

        15. Jay Eff

          So, when does Dan start yelling things like, “WHERE IS HE??” AND “WHERE IS THE BOMB??”

        16. Aizat

          TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS!

        17. Jen Aside

          ISEDWHYUWNNAKILLMI

        18. Lel

          The feminine batman voice would be the exact same as the masculine batman voice I assume.

        19. Shadow12000

          Well he’s doing it all wrong. His bubble is black and hers are navy blue. Why ya gotta Dan this up too, Danny?

        20. Aizat

          Well, unless Dorothy is Deadpool…or the Mask, she can’t see the bubbles.

        21. Plasma Mongoose

          Do you really expect Danny to accurately impersonate a female gravelly voice?

        22. Drunken Nordmann

          Depends on how emotions affect his voice. Some people’s voices can get really high when they’re angry. He just has to add gravel, then.

        23. MacBone

          I just read it in a Bale-Batman voice.

    2. Aizat

      And now…I’m imagining Danny with Domon’s voice.

      1. Shadow12000

        TAKE THIS! MY LOVE, MY ANGER, AND ALL OF MY SORROW!

        1. Aizat

          SHINING FINGER!…though that one time, he was using the Shining Finger Sword.

        2. Hank Hill Assistant Mgr. Strickland Propane

          Huh, y’know looking back Domon was pretty emo.

    3. Guest Person Dude

      He is manifesting sidekick!
      Quick! To the tacky-costume-o-bile!

  2. KingMabel

    Oh God, Danny is doing something right for once!

    1. NCP19

      And now we conveniently can tell when he is due to the different text bubble!

    2. John

      I’m not sure frantically trying to plaster over his previous screwups can really be considered “doing something right”.

      Seriously, Danny, it’s called a secret identity for a reason. It exists to protect Amazi-Girl and her loved ones from retribution. This means you don’t go around telling the media you’re dating her. (And he’s told both Dorothy and Billie! Fortunately, Billie’s not all that bright and distracted by her alcoholic lesbian tsundere drama, but Dotty’s pretty sharp.)

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        Ohmygosh, that is seriously the best description of Ruth I’ve ever heard. Kudos to you, Billie-avatar-san.

        1. John

          It describes Billie just as well!

          Though neither of them are technically lesbians. But it’s got a better ring to it than “alcoholic bisexual tsundere”, I think. (Or “Billiesexual” or whatever Ruth is.)

        2. agbadehan

          so alcoholic bisexual tsunderes…with galsses

        3. xKiv

          Galsses with glasses. Also sometimes with glasses, but more usually bottles.

      2. DudeMyDadOwnsADealership

        KingMabel could mean how he’s TRYING his best to stand by Amber’s side, as opposed to doing a boyfriend of summer thing, as ‘finally doing something right.’ This is still Danny the Grandmaster of Codependent Personality Disorder we’re talking about.

        If not….Yep.

    3. timemonkey

      Not exactly right.

  3. GoldStarz

    Is Danny a demon now? Or is he casting magic?

    1. Doctor_Who

      He’s casting Suggestion. Unfortunately, Dorothy’s Will Save is much too high.

      Though she takes a -2 penalty to resist caramel.

      1. GoldStarz

        If only he had some goddamn candy… Or Walky. Either would do.

        1. Shadow12000

          No it wouldn’t, Danny is using a spell outside of his class, so he’s already facing penalties for that. Plus his class is Danny, which pretty much has negatives all across the board.

        2. Devlerbat

          Wait, what game are we referring to now? I am not aware of any games where you can cast spells outside your class as at all. Weapons sure, but not spells.

        3. Meyers was Here

          What… Dude D&D?

        4. Devlerbat

          You can’t cast spells outside your class in D&D. You can use weapons outside your class at a pentalty but not spells. Though I admit I am not familar with any rules past 3.5.

        5. John

          There are a few ways in 3.5 to get access to spells that aren’t on your spell list (if any). Use Magic Device is the most obvious one, but there are other shenanigans you can pull to do it.

        6. Karfsma778

          Extra Spell.

        7. xKiv

          Dudes and Dorms?

        8. Baroncognito

          I don’t think that would work. “Oh, look Dorothy, It’s me, your ex-boyfriend, and I’m licking your current boyfriend’s nipples.” I mean, sure David drew it, but I’m not sure it would really do anything for Dorothy.

        9. Baroncognito

          Danny is the Anti-sex.

        10. John

          Dorothy might be into the yaoi! And at some point she did find Danny attractive enough to bang him.

          Though, uh, given what we know about Dotty’s dating history, I’m not sure that’s really saying all that much.

    2. Aizat

      Or Danny just got the new software update for the Demon Summoning Program.

      1. GoldStarz

        I don’t think his Charisma level is high enough to barter with one, he’s just gonna get possessed.

        1. Aizat

          Not with the Demon Summoning Program, he’s not. The worst thing that could happen is that he got attacked by some Jack Frosts.

        2. GoldStarz

          Okay, so I guess he’ll get Hypothermia then. :\

        3. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          did all these references to Shin Megami Tensei just fly over your head?

        4. Shadow12000

          Even if it did, it’s still Danny, he’d still get hypothermia. Hell, if he only summoned a Fairy, he’d somehow be able to screw up being healed.

        5. GoldStarz

          Considering I have never seen the show: Yes.

        6. Aizat

          Dude, it’s a game.

        7. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          *facepalm*

          It’s a game series that is incredibly popular in Japan, famed for its difficulty and dark story.

        8. begbert2

          Wait, there are famed game serieses from japan that haven’t got so much as an OAV? What?

        9. Seerow

          How dare people not get a reference to an obscure game that exists only in another country, in a language they don’t speak! What kind of crappy nerds read this comic?!

        10. Kernanator

          To be fair, Seerow, it also exists in the United States, and is somewhat popular there. Your point remains, though.

        11. DannyIsOkay

          The Persona series is actually fairly popular in the States nowadays, and though it’s technically not Shin Megami Tensei, all the references above apply to it as well.

      2. Saru

        Unfortunately he tried to optimize the code. Knowing a bit of javascript does him little good, and he summons a demon too powerful for anyone in this universe to negotiate with but Mike. Since Mike is busy banging your mom for a nickel, The demon opens a gate through which a horde of imps large enough to destroy everything of note in the state of Montana pass. Roll 5 d20s for a luck save.

        1. John

          Enough imps to destroy everything of note in Montana is, like, one imp, right?

        2. abstract_reg

          The mountains and the badlands are of note. So it might take more than one.

        3. Andrusi

          I’m pretty sure the badlands come pre-destroyed. That’s what’s so bad about them.

        4. Saru

          Or Indiana. I get those two mixed up because….I’ve never really grasped this whole language thing, anyways.

    3. Yotomoe

      Danny has always been a demon. Unfortunately the only person he’s managed to curse, is himself.

      1. GoldStarz

        Cursed to forever be a human. UoU

    4. Doom Shepherd

      Danny would be a terrible demon… Ouch!

  4. LiaHansen

    Silly Danny, she can’t see the inverted colors of your voice balloon through the door!

    1. Yotomoe

      If she could then she’d know he’s serious.

  5. Joggy

    Y’know, I think I might have to give Danny this one.

  6. GoogerGeiger

    I can’t tell if Dan Danned things up by saying that.

  7. Tom Speelman

    Danny used HM Balls! It’s Super-Effective!

    1. GoldStarz

      Nah, it doesn’t effect Foe Dorothy.

    2. Yotomoe

      HM Balls?
      Are you referring to HMs, the items that allow you to learn a move, because you would never see “____used HM Balls!” because once it’s taught to you, the fact that it’s an HM is irrelevant. It’s like if you said ” 8 x 6 is 48. I learned that in a math book”.
      *adjusts nerd glasses*

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        mmm, yes, quite.

        *adjusts nerd glasses as he takes the kettle off the stove*

      2. Shadow12000

        Even in a different way, in that he used the HM, Balls, that would mean he’s learning it and not actually attacking with it, so it wouldn’t be super effective.

        *adjusts glasses and lens falls out* SHIT!

        1. Yotomoe

          And even in a 3rd case, where he’s saying that you are using an HM Ball as a variation on the pokeball it would still be inaccurate because a Pokeball could NEVER be super effective as it is not an attack.
          *Violently adjusts glasses*

        2. Andrusi

          Well, some Pokeballs can be more effective than others under various circumstances (an HM Ball would presumably work well on Pokemon that learn HM moves by levelup, such as Goldeen), but there’s no associated “super effective” message.

        3. Yotomoe

          That’d be a pretty inefficient ball. It’d catch a maximum of 29 Pokemon, including legendaries, starters, fully evolved pokemon not available in the wild, and evolutions of the same pokemon (ie. Goldeen and Seaking).

        4. L33TNinja

          I agree. *takes off nerd glasses and puts in nerd contacts*

      3. begbert2

        But…I *did* learn that 8 x 6 is 48 from a math book…

    3. Charles

      Am I the only one who read the HM in the sense of “HM Government” or “HM Ship”? Cause let me tell you that was damn confusing.

  8. Kernanator

    Looks like some of that Amazi-rage has been rubbing off on you, Danny!

    1. Aizat

      All Danny needs now is some psychological scars to go to Amazi-rampage.

      1. Yotomoe

        While not Blaine, his parents collectively hate him as much as any of US do.

        1. newllend

          Why not just let him walk in on Dorothy and Walky doing it that at to do it.

        2. ninja_jesus

          And have her say that Walky is better than Danny was in bed, though that might be too harsh.

        3. Yotomoe

          I think you mean too TRUE.

        4. Glacirus

          It hurts BECAUSE it’s true!

        5. abstract_reg

          Has the American vowel sounds shortened to the point that “ought” and “at” sound the same? Because you had me confused for a number of seconds.

        6. Betty Anne

          In some dialects it has. Just ask people from various areas of the country how to pronounce “bag.” (And watch someone who uses “bah-g” flip out on the people who use “bay-g.” XP I, coincidentally, use “bay-g,” and it’s the most common in my local dialect.)

        7. Marisa Mockery

          I had no idea “bay-g” was a thing until now. What region is that? Southern? Eastern? It ain’t Californian.

        8. L33TNinja

          Maybe a midwestern twang, a few of my cousins say it like that, those hicks.

  9. Mkvenner

    Wrong answer.

    1. Aizat

      When you think you have all the answers, I changed the questions.

  10. newllend

    The man has spoken you’ve done enough, please piss off.

  11. Ridureyu

    Maybe Danny can go to jail for this!

  12. Yotomoe

    Danny, use your white balloon when you speak to me.

    1. Shadow12000

      Oh god, I imagined him taking out a literal white balloon and breathing in the helium before going “Is this better?”

  13. JessWitt

    Deny everything, Danny! Or declare yourself insane and unreliable!

    1. MO

      “Ah HA! You’re guilty! The guilty ALWAYS deny!”

      ‘Wait, then what do the innocent do?’

      “Naturally, the innocent would take responsibility and admit their guilt.”

      ‘I… think there’s a select group of people you’re leaving out.’

      1. Aizat

        Eat the whole plate of donuts, Danny.

        1. Meyers was Here

          As you can see, I’ve eaten ALL the donuts *gestures to plate*

    2. John

      o/`
      Now I know just what to do:
      Feign amnesia
      How I wish it wasn’t true
      Wish it wasn’t true right now
      o/`

    3. Karishi

      Stonewall. Seriously. No matter what her next question is, just lock the door, put on some headphones, and get some studying done. Let her wait for an answer to her next question until she realizes SHE needs to get some studying done too.

  14. shoeboxjeddy

    So is he going to try to convince Dorothy that he’s Amazigirl somehow? Or just that Amazigirl is in the room right now? The first is a strange road to go down, since 1) AmaziGIRL, 2) whose chest Dorothy saw at the very least.

    But maybe it’s the latter. Some kind of threatening “interview” through the door to send her down the wrong trail?

    1. newllend

      I thought he was just going to sneek out the window.

      1. Shadow12000

        And fail miserably.

        1. newllend

          Hey not everyone can master the ancient art Window evasion escape.

    2. Lumus

      “Dorothy, I’ll be honest with you. I’m Amazigirl.”
      “You’ve… been disguising yourself as a girl and fighting crime?”
      “Yes. I thought it would be time-efficient to have multiple identity crises at once. I’m Danny.”
      “And the part where you said you’re dating yourself?”
      “Danny problems!”
      “Okay, your story checks out. By the way, who was the other person running with you?”
      “Oh, you mean Amber? Wait shi-!”

  15. StClair

    The madness has infected another.

    1. Aizat

      Wait, Macho Man Randy Savage infected Danny?

      1. Jay Eff

        Please, pleeeeeaaase let that be true…

      2. Doctor_Who

        If he starts exclusively eating Slim Jims, we’ll know.

        1. KingMabel

          If he starts dressing like Ms. Elizabeth, we should panic.

        2. Aizat

          Dude, I totally wanted to see Danny proposing to Amber like how Macho Man did.

      3. Maveric1984

        Ooooh Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaah!

      4. Shadow12000

        I’m pretty sure Danny is immune to all manliness, especially Slimjimsnapitus.

        1. Aizat

          Dude, no one is immune to Slimjimsnapitus. Even the Ultimate Warrior is not immune to it.

  16. Shanunu

    Argh he outed himself as an Amazigirl contact with that line.

    1. Aizat

      Or a fan…a mad fan.

      1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

        MY Amazi-girl. MINE.

        *swipes Amazi-girl doll from Dotty*

    2. newllend

      Two reporters already know he’s dateing her I think its a little pate for that.

      1. newllend

        *late

      2. Shanunu

        He could have just been delusional. Now he’s covering for her.

        1. Sam

          Yes, but the way he has worded it here could be taken in two ways:

          1) To leave her alone, implying that he WAS there and is trying to cover her.

          OR

          2) To leave her alone because Amazi-Girl is his girlfriend and he doesn’t want her to be harassed.

          He did say he was dating Amazi-Girl before so the latter isn’t really that far a stretch.

  17. Ahighfunctioningsociopath

    I enjoy ripping on danny as much as the next guy, but as these recent strips have shown his heart really is in the right place. Right now, when confronted about his personal involvement in what could technically be called a crime (assuming vigilante justice is still illegal) his first concern was about Amber. While he does have a tendency to screw up a lot, and make us groan a lot, I’m starting to think we should cut him some slack; his heart is in the right place.

    tldr: Danny isn’t as bad as we make him out to be.

    1. Aizat

      Thank you. Finally, someone understands.

    2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

      It’s sad to know that a tl;dr for a single paragraph was probably needed, given the people who normally surf the ‘Net.

      1. Bilfred

        tl;dr: people have short attention spans.
        tl;dr: fast think
        tl;dr: v

        1. L33TNinja

          What is this witchcraft, Newspeak……… Youre obviously the thought police!

      2. Deathjavu

        I think the comments section has proven repeatedly that people don’t actually read.

        In fact, I should put up a picture meme of this comment, so people will actually know what it says.

    3. Ridureyu

      No, cutting him slack is evil, evil! We need an irrational hatred sink!

      1. Cybersnark

        Activate the Fazsignal!

        1. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          NO! What have you done!

        2. Gadgeteer Smashwidget

          NO! What have you done!

    4. Sam

      He is STARTING to handle things better – ‘starting to’ being the main point. He is not deserving of slack YET. If he can get through the impending Sal situation without making it worse through Danny flailing then he MAY get some, but not all.

  18. Dr. Zeus

    Soooooo. Using Amazi-girl voice, does that make him a sidekick, one no one wanted, the Robin no one wanted, does that make him Jason Todd. Does that make me stretch this too far?

    1. shietka

      Why is everyone saying he’s using the Amaz-girl voice? She has blue speech bubbles. The white text on black is just generic super-angry speech that isn’t exclusive to Amber. I’m pretty sure Billie has used it a couple times, and so have others.

      1. Dr. Zeus

        Hey, I’m colourblind by which I mean have a horrid memory and honestly forgot she had blue and not black speech bubbles. Also the kind of angry voice I imagine from invented text is similar to batvoice, which I imagine Amazi-girl voice is paying homage too, but well your point definatly stands.

  19. Spliced

    Holy Cow, Danny has an alter-ego! Ynnad!

    1. Rani

      Ynnead, the Eldar God of Death. He’s the final boss of Dumbing of Age.

      1. Jen Aside

        But the True Last Boss is just Danny again, who will Dan up everything he touches. Even Death is preferable.

  20. Maveric1984

    I think everyone here is reacting to Danny’s line in panel 4 that they missed the subtle joke in panels 1 and 2. Dorothy is there to do [i]journalism[/i], something Danny has experience with, or at least got to second base with.

  21. Saaaam

    Dorothy, you gotta leave this dude alone.

  22. Bilfred

    Ohh damn, he’s calling on the strategic balls reserve. Hold on to your butts.

  23. Robert Stoll

    If possibly homicidal Amazi-girl wasn’t enough, now we have her sidekick, Wonderboy!

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      So will Young Nasty Man be then?

    2. Aizat

      Here’s hoping he stay way from clowns, crowbars and explosions.

    3. Dr. Zeus

      Well better than Wonderboy Prime.

    4. Karishi

      Actually his name is WonderBREAD. Common mistake.

  24. MrSirk

    This comic could have ended after the second panel.

    1. Deathjavu

      I agree.

      It would’ve been an unusually short comic, but it certainly could have.

      1. takashid

        nah, then we wouldn’t have gotten to see Danny’s “strategic balls reserve”

  25. King G

    He is the avenger of the night. He is the terror that haunts tweed jackets. He’s not the boyfriend Amazi-Girl deserves…But he’s the boyfriend she *needs*…For he is:
    Balls-Out Boy!
    Using his ultra ballsy powers, Dashing Danny dans the media, like he’s NEVER DANNED BEFORE!

    1. King G

      *typo; that should be “Balls-Out-Boy”
      Also, can I call dibs on that name, if any of us ever decide we want to be caped, crime-fighting crusaders?

      1. ninja_jesus

        Balls-Out Boy should be the name of a porn parody band.

        1. Opus the Poet

          Point of information, the term “balls out” does not refer to genitalia of any kind but is actually slang for a steam engine running at maximum speed. Most steam engines of the era used a flyball governor to regulate the rotational speed. When the engine was nearing maximum speed the weights on the governor would reach their furthest distance away from the center of rotation and as they were in the sort of spheroid shape the “balls were out” leading to the expression “running balls out”.

          tl:dr “Balls Out” has nothing to do with sex.

        2. TheGrammarLegionary

          The rest of the Internet: “Hehe, balls.”

  26. Deathjavu

    Good job Danny

    Except for the part where you kiiinda tacitly imply that that WAS Amazi-Girl in that report. I mean, that’s not the only way to interpret the last panel, but…damn does that response sound suspicious.

    C+ for effort, Danny. Shows improvement. Needs to dump more points into common sense, and somehow buff his massive luck penalty, but CHA is starting to look better.

    1. John

      I’m still not sure what the hell Danny did with all his build points.

      1. Deathjavu

        Well, I think Danny went with some kind of dice roll method and mostly came up with ones and twos.

        He may have also taken multiple penalties to get bonuses elsewhere, but in a sloppy and haphazard manner that cancelled most of the appending bonuses.

        And finally, the luck penalty is mostly from losing the favor of his patron deity, who seeks to punish the hubris of his alternate past self.

        1. John

          Well, he seems to have a pretty high Will. Probably a decent Int – though his flaws often don’t let him apply it effectively – and likely some Computer skill. But all his other stats suck, and he hasn’t demonstrated any other useful abilities. Given that he maxed out the Oblivious flaw, and (like most of the rest of the cast), has Shitty Parents at a moderately high rank, it still seems like there’s a bunch of BP unaccounted for here.

          Hmm. Maybe he’s not actually a PC. Maybe he’s just Amazi-Girl’s minion or henchman or animal companion or something.

        2. Sam

          Um, where are you getting that Danny’s parents are bad parents? Danny’s parents are a lot better than most of the cast’s parents, with the main exceptions to that being Dorothy’s parents and Mike’s parents. The only real issue with them is that they encouraged him to follow Dorothy to college – which is likely because they find love important, which doesn’t make them bad parents, it makes them more average than anything.

        3. Marisa Mockery

          They specifically told him to stay with her because she was going places and was a real keeper. They weren’t interested in love.

  27. Jason

    The drama of the last panel by the fact that Danny looks like a chipmunk.

    1. Jason

      Ugh, meant to say: “The drama of the last panel is undercut by the fact that Danny looks like a chipmunk.”

      1. John

        Now I’m imagining the reverse-video text as being his Alvin voice.

  28. Mass Confusion

    Once again Danny has surprised me. In a good way, this time

  29. Idon'tcarenomore

    Well, so much for that.
    Danny uses THE VOICE.
    And lets the cat out of the bag at the same time.

    1. Blue Dragon

      Possibly.

      Earlier today he read the piece she did for the newspapers. If he has time to think about it, he’ll remember that this was the reason for that reaction.

      Nothing to do with any assault. He was nowhere near a McDonalds last night.
      Here’s hoping he doesn’t betray any knowledge about the assault, like where it happened.

      1. John

        “I don’t know anything about an assault! I was nowhere near the McDonald’s on North Walnut last night! And I’ve never even met Amber’s father!”

        1. Karishi

          This right here is why refusing to answer questions is so much safer than the commonly recommended “Deny Everything.”
          Seriously, she’s holding a recorder up to the door. Do Not Talk.

    2. tinfoil theory

      Proof that Danny is the Kwisatz Haderach

      1. hof1991

        His next line should be ” Dorothy, the Sleeper has awoken.” Followed by lightning and the appearance of a giant phallus shaped creature.

        Plus, if Dorothy finds out the damaged loner girl is actually AG, would we complete her destruction for a line in her application to Yale?

  30. Saru

    Well that went about as Dan as we could have expected.

  31. lejwocky

    I thought that only the Bene Gesserit could use the voice.

  32. logic

    AND SO WAS BORN AMAZI-BOY

    1. Glacirus

      His power is Danning things up so bad the villains just stop and stare in awe, then slowly hang and shake their heads in shame while the REAL hero punches them.

      1. Drunken Nordmann

        Reminds me of a certain sidekick in a cartoon.

  33. Steven

    It’s nice of him to try to stick up for Amazi-Girl, but this is one of the worst things he could have done. He has all but outright confirmed that Amber and he were the ones who performed the assault, instead of making a cover story. He has to bank entirely on his previous relationship with Dorothy now to keep Amber safe, and that’s a recipe for disaster because that means that Dorothy would have to compromise her own ground for Danny, possibly out of guilt. It’s all down hill.

    1. Rutee

      The prospects of this getting worse for all involved make this all the more interesting.

      However, he can easily make this non-implicatory. He won’t, because he’s Danny, but he COULD.

    2. Reynard-Miri

      Look, do you trust Danny to make a good cover story? This was PROBABLY the best thing he could do.

      PS: The closest thing this comes to confirming is that Amazi-girl was the one in the cape, and let’s be honest, Danny’s reaction does that a lot less than the fact that she was wearing a cape.

    3. ankhtahr

      I don’t think he confirmed anything with that. He didn’t make any statement about himself, and I’d interpret it rather as “Leave the girl I’m dating alone, because she’s tired of the attention she’s getting.” instead of “Don’t try to connect this to Amazi-Girl because you might find out stuff you shouldn’t.”

  34. Rutee

    “Dan why is your voice all weird? Are you impersonating Batman again?”

    1. MsSchiff

      “YRR LRRV AMUZRGRRL URRUN.”

      “…Are you gargling marbles now?”

  35. ZORK

    I can already see Danny becoming Amazi-Girl’s sidekick. All he needs now is a costume and a fancy name.

    1. Nightsbridge

      Physical ability?

      1. ZORK

        Uhm… being nice, but troubled? Spitting on bad guys after Amazi-Girl beat the crap out of ’em?

      2. xKiv

        Is that the best you can do for a fancy name?

        1. John

          I’m still voting for “Osmium Lad”. He has the proportional density of osmium!

  36. Sensedog

    Good. Danny has no obligation to help Dorothy, especially in this regard. Though the single best response would be “no comment”.

  37. ATN

    Is Danny Batman?

  38. Jimmy

    Good for Danny.

  39. Adork

    Alright Danny, now just don’t get emotional and say something incriminating or revealing of Amazi-girl’s identity.

    But with that voice I think Danny can join in on the fictitious Amazi-team with Sarah and Mike.

  40. hof1991

    Well, Danny with auxiliary voice doesn’t get a special tag, so this appears to be temporary.

    My hope it that AG has retired and is never tagged again, except as cosplay. Cosplay AG =hot, AG patrolling the campus = sad.

  41. Kevin

    Thus Danny turned into the villain IncrediDick. The end.

    1. maycroft

      I would settle for that ending.

  42. Makkabee

    And LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE too, while you’re at it!

    1. lu_86

      I also read it in a Chris Crocker voice

    2. Darth Cariss

      You can’t leave anyone alone anymore without having to leave Britney alone, too.

  43. Charles RB

    so Danny just confirmed yeah, that was TOTES him

  44. nothri

    Well, this is new. Color me interested to see how this plays out.

  45. SilverArrowArtemis

    Would slam a door in Dorothy’s face if she was a journalist.
    Would slam a door in Dorothy’s face even if she wasn’t.

    Face it; you don’t go to your ex expecting to be ‘buddy-buddy’.

    1. John

      At least she’s not trying to scam him into loaning her new boytoy clothing this time.

    2. Some guy

      I’d also say you don’t show up at your ex’s place hoping to dig up dirt on the person he says he’s dating – did she honestly think he’d help or be happy to see her, or does she just not really care so long as she gets something good for her Yale application?

      1. Marisa Mockery

        Yes.

  46. cmd1095

    Good on you Danny, your strategic balls reserve is well used, just don’t blow it all at once, it obviously takes a long time to refill

  47. maycroft

    “And what do they say at IU?
    they say that on that day, Danny’s balls grew three times their size”

    1. xKiv

      And they pressed against his spine, which hurt like hell and gave him cancer cancer.

  48. Vile Gamer

    Imagine if Danny became a superhero just to be closer to Amber. Or hooked up with Sal. Ahh Willis, you’re my favorite webcomic artist.

  49. CianM1301

    Danny’s got door cojones! Talking behind a door, you can hear clanging between his legs. Open that door, however, and they shoot back up into him so fast they bruise his intestines.

  50. Tenn

    Your words are well chosen, Danny, but I think they would have more impact if you didn’t say them in the voice of an angry squirrel.

  51. Pinja

    Hey, Dotty, listen to him to avoid tears later : /

  52. Kugai

    The Dark Knight rises.

  53. JACK KUROSAWA

    She knows too much Danny. You know what must be done…

  54. Fen_Star

    Second question then. What is it like to be one of the least liked people?

  55. John

    Yeah, like Marisa says. The impression I got was that they wanted him to stay with Dorothy because she was going to amount to something and the only way he was going anywhere was riding his wife’s coattails. On discovering that Danny and Dorothy had broken up, they immediately assumed that she had dumped him because of his manifest flaws. (Okay, that’s exactly what happened, but still.) The first thing they asked about Amber/Amazi-Girl, even before, “What’s her name?”, “What’s she like?”, “Can we meet her?” was “Is she better than Dorothy?” I’m not sure exactly what they mean by “better”, but I’m figuring it’s something along the lines of, “What are her odds of making you First Lady, or y’know, something where her success can carry your useless dead weight?”

    And I’m figuring they’ve probably been treating Danny this way his entire life. It’d explain a lot about why Danny’s so… Danny. The Wilcoxen aren’t the worst parents around, but in a cast that includes the likes of Blaine O’Malley, Naomi Siegal, the Walkertons, the Browns, and notably doesn’t include the Billingsworths at all, that’s not saying a whole lot.

    Sometimes I think DoA could just be replaced by a link to “This Be The Verse”.

    1. John

      Oops, that was supposed to be a reply to Sam’s reply to me above.

  56. Galatine

    Danny’s okay, really. I’ve recently rediscovered a character much, much, much MUCH worse. Malaya.

  57. Pyr05

    It’s time to nut up!

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