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Beats
Posted on May 19, 2020 by David M Willis
DUMBING OF AGE BOOK 9 KICKSTARTER UPDATE We made it*! The SHADE THROWN MIKE character magnet has been unlocked! You can now pledge for his magnet along with your DUMBING OF AGE BOOK 9! You can pledge for just Mike (plus book), you can pledge for PICK THREE or PICK FIVE and select your squad, or you can go all-in for COMPLETE MAGNET POWER and get every single Book 9 magnet! Just 8 days left in the campaign! *with your mom

291 thoughts on “Beats”

  1. Ana Chronistic

    unboxing video but with villains?

    world’s least entertaining TikTok?

    1. Ana Chronistic

      Is that Imaginary Mike??

      1. King Daniel

        “now living rent-free in your head” yeah I’d say so

        1. Regalli

          The flat shading (and the description of ‘shade thrown’ calling attention to it, too) also seem to point that way, since the other magnet mockup arts are shaded.

  2. OtterBoy1

    …Willis…

  3. BBCC

    Ya fucked with Becky McIntyre.

    Ya shouldn’t have did that.

    1. Schpoonman

      “You pressed the Joyce button.” “You shouldn’ta did that.”

      1. Kaidah

        Pressing Joyce’s button was supposed to be Becky’s job.

        1. Supersonic92

          Yeah, she gets a muffin with each press.

    2. Shawn Levasseur

      “I have a social media operation, and I know how to use it!”

  4. Cmasta1992

    Is Faz about to awaken his Persona?

    And ffs Amber just take off the mask.

    1. Some1

      Plot twist: Faz was a double agent the entire time!

      1. clif

        No tag. No Faz.

        But it would be amusing if he drove off in the van and left Blaine standing there.

        1. Zaxares

          Huh. You’re right. Faz isn’t tagged for this strip. But is it a hint or an oversight?

        2. ValdVin

          He is, now, about an hour after he wasn’t.

    2. NelC

      That shot of him in the fifth panel means something, but I don’t know what.

      1. Some1

        Lets see here, it came after Blaine referred to Amber as a failure, and if we assume that Faz was being entirely truthful when he told Joyce he like Amber best its entirely possible that he resents Blaine referring to her in that way. Therefore I propose a small theory that the reason why Faz’s face is hidden in that panel is that he stopped smiling.

        1. DSL

          That, coupled with Blaine’s “No one _of any consequence_ knows who I am” — Blaine hasn’t met the last of his obstacles.

      2. sharktrs

        I’m reading it as Faz taking offense at Blaine’s remark, given his previously stated affection for Amber

        Faz redemption arc incoming?

        1. Regalli

          * Faz will remember this.

        2. Kensou

          Oooh, Telltale Games adaptation incoming?

        3. Axel

          maybe it’s naive but I don’t think he needs like, that much redemption (admittedly, we may find something out later, maybe even tomorrow, that might mean he’s beyond redemption, but I’m going by this moment in time). he’s a kid who’s father figure (whether or not he’s his biological father) is a huge piece of shit, and whose mom supports Blaine in this (she hates his daughter too, and they definitely didn’t hide that USB from her in the car, amongst very likely other things), and he has seen what his dad will say or do to/about Amber, his other child.

          I think he’s a minor stuck in a very bad household and is doing what he needs to survive, and he probably has no confidence that Blaine will be arrested (or if he is, remain arrested). He might turn out to be just as much of a shithead of his own, or be complacent/apathetic about Blaine, but as far as we know so far, there’re good reasons he’s in the situation that he’s in.

          (regarding his personality and gross comments, I think they’re beside the point for now, and he wouldn’t be the only cast member to have super gross opinions/behaviour in high school)

        4. Axel

          also I headcanon that he was able to see who amazigirl is immediately, and would even if she was still changing her voice etc.

        5. Regalli

          Yeah, I think just actively trying to help Amber or Joyce in some form – even a small, not-noticed-by-Blaine way – would be enough to show me he’s not on board with these plans, and unlike Ross he DOESN’T have opportunities to say no.

      3. Rotunda

        I think it’s just establishing Faz’s location behind the van for some future action, and the fact that it’s a narrow frame outside the main flow of action for the strip makes it easily overlooked.

        1. Needfuldoer

          With any luck, the back-up camera on the van doesn’t work.

          … And the cops pull Blaine over because there’s a teenager sitting on his bumper while he’s driving down the freeway.

      4. Bunny

        What are the chances he’s recording this on his phone?

      5. Kella

        My question: Why did Faz run to the *back* of the van. Is he opening the back so that Blaine can throw Joyce in? The panel of him just behind sort of looks like he’s stopping. But then by the time we get to the next panel, he’s not visible anymore.

        1. Bicycle Bill

          I’m pretty sure there aren’t any side doors on ‘Sprinter’ vans, and considering that Faz was headed toward the rear of the van in yesterday’s strip, I also assume that he was running ahead just like a good little minion should to open the door for Blaine.

        2. DSL

          Depending on the model, there are indeed side doors on Sprinter vans.

        3. Needfuldoer

          I can’t think of a van that doesn’t have side doors at least on the curb side, and the Sprinter certainly does.

        4. Agemegos

          Joyce will have to be restrained to be put in the van, because Faz can’t hold her and Blaine can’t do so while also driving. There is going to be a difficult moment for Blaine during the tying-up, which I suppose will pass out-of-frame.

      6. Kim

        Faz likes Joyce, right? I think I remember her being the one henreally opened up to/connected with, during his stay in the dorms.
        Maybe that has something to do with it?
        And Blaine just showed his willingness to kill her (seemingly with no remorse for doing so).
        Plus tha Amber things already pointed out

      7. Twitcher

        Faz will turn on his Dad, but I can only wonder why he hasn’t sooner. Both Yuri and Blaine have made no secret that they hate his sister.

    3. Paul

      Amazi-girl takes off her mask, revealing Amber’s face.

      Blaine: You’re not Amber. Nice latex face mask, though.

      1. Strangeshapes

        Amber in AG costume rolls up arm, pokes swab in cut; cue Amazon drone pick up for insta-DNA test. Drone helpfully pokes Blaine in a cut and provides comically quick DNA results.

        Amber: I AM Amber.
        Blaine: No, but since you’ve obviously killed her, I guess I should be thanking you…

    4. BarerMender

      Faz gets his own frame. Stopping. Thinking. “Amber? He’s hurting Amber?”

  5. Sirksome

    Are we sure Blaine didn’t get hit in the head with a hammer? How does he think no one knows who he is!??!?!

    1. Hex Hornet

      That mask he got from Nightwing’s garage sale may have magical properties.

      1. pdp15

        Just like Clark Kent’s glasses.

      2. SuperZero

        Most of them don’t know him, so seeing his face wouldn’t have helped to identify him.
        The fact that he gave away who he is and also Amber told them might have helped, though.

      3. Pylgrim

        It’s the own blindness he is enforcing on himself not to see Amber right in front of him. He’s allowing masks to warp his sense of reality.

    2. Cass

      He knows they know who he is. He doesn’t think they’re of consequence.

      1. Dr. T

        That’s simply stupid. Maybe he thinks that AmaziGirl can’t talk to the cops. Maybe he thinks that the two black kids would avoid the cops to prevent being shot out of reflex. That does not address the fact that Dorothy doesn’t have those issues, nor does Ethan.

        That Ethan one is the really dumb one. If there were anyone that could easily convince the cops that the murdering psychopath that kidnapped them all was Blaine, it would be the kid that grew up knowing him.

        1. DSL

          “That’s simply stupid” doesn’t rule out Blaine thinking it.

    3. Doctor_Who

      Maybe he’s got an extreme version of facial blindness where someone covering their face with a tiny domino mask makes it genuinely impossible for him to recognize them, even if he’s known them all their lives, and he thinks that applies to everyone somehow.

      Or maybe he just really needs those glasses he usually wears, and didn’t think to pick up contacts for this scheme.

      1. Sirksome

        I-I almost want him to get away with this now so that when he finally returns home not having even washed the blood off his face the cops are just there waiting for him and he has to wonder how with no one of consequence knowing his identity!

      2. bhtooefr

        Blaine is the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

        1. Agemegos

          Hah! Indeed he is!

          Now: where is Amber’s towel?

        2. Doctor_Who

          He threw it on the floor covered in blood in the last strip.

    4. sharktrs

      Blaine is a fucking moron

    5. NinjaNick

      His head must’ve got hit in the brick a lot.

    6. DailyBrad

      Same reason he thought he could physically attack an R.A. in the hall in front of a bunch of people, plus what he had done prior with Amber before she decked him, and it wouldn’t get him thrown off campus.

      He’s an entitled fuckhead who doesn’t think that far ahead.

      1. BarerMender

        Amber didn’t deck him. She merely punched him. Ruth decked him.

    7. Undrave

      He posted bail for Ross, he showed up at the congregation, he rented a hotel room and he probably showed up without a mask to his goons…

      1. Segnosaur

        He also dragged faz into his plans (and multiple people know faz’s identity so can connect him to blaine). The house may be rented in his name. The van will probably have a license plate to track to him.

      2. Agemegos

        But might not have given his real name or real credit card.

        The names on Ross’s bail documents are going to be the pastor’s and Carol’s.

        1. Random832

          Anyone in the church group can confirm at least his identity and his involvement with Ross (and have little reason to cover for him if they’re informed that he killed Ross, regardless of if they care about his other actions) even if none of the kids are considered credible.

        2. King Daniel

          He used his real name while still in the police station: https://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-10/01-birthday-pursuit/sent/

        3. Agemegos

          So he did!

          Well, so much for the idea that his plan even had any way of turning out well for him.

        4. Khyrin

          To be fair: Blaine might have lied on the paperwork but gave his real name to Ross so he wouldn’t have to remember the lie.

    8. Reltzik

      Because the only one who COULD know his actual identity is Amber, and he’s sure that Amber’s too weak to blow the whistle on him. It’s plausible that he didn’t use his real name for anything in this series of events… and he doesn’t actually need to identify himself to the cops to bail Ross out, just hand Ross the cash and let Ross bail himself out.

      … of course he’s left a whole bunch of DNA evidence all over the place and it’s going to be a capital-crime murder investigation, so it still won’t work.

      1. Dr. T

        Ethan knows him pretty well too.

        1. Agemegos

          And Mike. And Mike’s phone.

      2. SuperZero

        DNA evidence doesn’t help unless you’re either a suspect or they already have it on file.

        1. Reltzik

          When Amber says it was her father who kidnapped her, he’ll become a suspect.

        2. SuperZero

          He’s dismissed the witnesses as irrelevant. If the witnesses are irrelevant, the DNA evidence can’t harm him.

          The logic is sound, it’s the starting assumption that could use some work.

        3. Heavensrun

          For what it’s worth, criminals tend to be morons, so he’s being pretty true to form here.

        4. thejeff

          He doesn’t believe that’s Amber and there’s no reason Amazi-Girl should recognize him.

          Beyond that, the masks work – whether they should or not. People don’t recognize Amber in costume. People don’t recognize Blaine in costume. Ethan didn’t show any sign of it. Amber explicitly didn’t at first – not until she got flashes of Amazi-Girl memory.

        5. Sirksome

          The mask thing is even only slightly believable for Amber and it only works because she changes her voice, hair, and mannerisms to be completely different from the Amber most people know. Blaine has been the exact same asshole with absolutely no effort put into hiding his identity beyond a cheap domino mask.

        6. thejeff

          You can claim it’s not realistic, but it’s hard to blame him for thinking it works when it’s actually shown to be working.

      3. Fay

        I wonder if Ross is still alive and he told Becky Blaine’s name? Or maybe all she knows right now is “he’s Amber’s dad”.

        1. Liz

          But Dina knows who he is too. She’s the one who let him in for freshman family weekend. Plus Ethan, who has known him his whole life, plus the church congregation who can at minimum identify him in a lineup on the off chance they don’t know his name, plus everyone there knows Faz is his son and that can be traced to him, play he said he was looking specifically for Amber and Blaine has publicly attacked Amber before which gives him motivation… I’m just really confused about why he would think no one there could identify him to police.

      4. Needfuldoer

        At least he used a plain white van, not a company one with something like “O’MALLEY RENOVATIONS KL5-4077 US DOT 8675309” plastered all over the side in big, bold letters.

    9. Axel

      Not with the hammer but I think ross hit him in the back of the head/neck

  6. NinjaNick

    If I were Amazi-Girl, I’d throw a brick at the back of Blaine’s head.

    Hey, Dina’s okay. There’s a bright side.

  7. Hex Hornet

    Wonder what Becky has up her sleeve…

    1. Agemegos

      A smart phone.

    2. Hampsterpig

      The power of a senator’s twitter account.

      1. Dr. T

        She is a Representative, but your point is still valid.

      2. Schpoonman

        Just representative. Senators have to wear pants.

        1. Lawzlo

          Was “All Senators must wear pants” added to the Senate rules because of LBJ?

        2. clif

          Not as far as I know, but honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised.

        3. He Who Abides

          Kennedy, actually. It was meant to inconvenience him, as it would make him need to remove them whenever he engaged in his true profession.

      3. Abel Undercity

        Hello. My name is Becky McIntyre. You killed my father. Prepare to get ratioed.

        1. Strangeshapes

          Your appropriations are never getting out of committee, Blaine.

    3. Fart Captor

      arms

    4. JetstreamGW

      She’s working for the least responsible congress member on the planet.

      She probably convinced Robin to get her wired because it’d be awesome, like in the movies.

  8. Viktoria

    Don’t mess with someone who has access to a verified Twitter account followed by Fox News.

    1. abysswatcher1993

      Having Fox News fame can give you dangerous allies.

      1. Wack'd

        I thought Allies was dead?

  9. Daniel M Ball

    Blaine’s thinking is still very much in the eighties when not-everyone was carrying full motion and audio/video devices with network connections…and Becky’s a specialist at using the new stuff. His ‘clever plan’ is pretty much boned because he didn’t take society’s changes seriously.

    1. Agemegos

      All the other characters’, too. Remember when Amazi-Girl beat up three security guards rather than make a phone call?

      1. King Daniel

        To be fair, Amazi-Girl didn’t have a phone when she did that.

        Not that that particularly justified beating up a bunch of security guards whose literal job it was to keep Becky safe.

        1. Agemegos

          No, but she could have gone to her dorm and collected her phone straight away instead of beating up three men and talking to Becky first.

        2. Segnosaur

          But if her plan was to get Becky to run to keep her safe, then she would have to disable the guards. (Otherwise the guards might prevent Becky from fleeing.)

      2. Agemegos

        Back when the problem was to identify Ryan Amazi-Girl showed a Millennial’s familiarity with smart phones. When Dorothy Keener (ace reporter) was doing her story on Amazi-Girl she grokked smart phones.

        Now everyone has been hit in the head with the Nineties.

    2. Needfuldoer

      If Amber has her phone now, and she was less tired, she probably would have thought to start taping this. (Or at least taking a photo of the plates on Blaine’s van.)

      Keep the lens on the action and never stop rolling.

      1. Bicycle Bill

        I find that to be a real dick move.  If there is something going on — whether it’s a fight, or a fire, or a car crash, or someone struggling in the water — PUT DOWN THE FUKKING PHONE AND TRY TO HELP!!

        1. Needfuldoer

          That’s generally a video journalism mantra, yeah.

          Right now all she’s doing is standing there. Even yanking her mask off would be more productive than what she’s doing now.

          At least Amber knows who Blaine is, even if Becky turns out to be wrong.

        2. thejeff

          Depends on what it is and the consequences of trying to help. Or your ability to help.

          The most obvious example these days is police harassment and brutality – interfering can get you in serious trouble, but filming can help.

        3. Strangeshapes

          If there’s a camera, having one person in the group taping is actually a good idea. Better to get as many details as possible about the suspects, the van, etc. to give to the police for both search and evidence.

  10. Mra

    Amber could juat take off her mask now.

    1. Shane

      Yes and no. She could. It might shock Blaine, maybe even into submission. But then he can slip word out of jail via Mafia cops or his wife visiting to the network of Dudes Who Hate Amazigirl and they can make her life annoying forever.

      Parents of the Dudes could get lawsuits all up in Amber’s face for beating up their precious babies for their “youthful indiscretions”. The school probably can’t just say “It’s fine” that one of their students made a hobby of going around beating people up. Realistically it has to be disciplinary action or expulsion at that point. Blaine more or less wins.

      So Amber can’t unmask without serious consequences.

      1. Liz

        But she’s already desperately and repeatedly tried telling Blaine that she’s Amber so it doesn’t seem like she’s really thinking along those lines

  11. Cass

    Totally missed that one of those kids is actually surprisingly politically important, eh dillhole?

    1. Cheshrin

      To be fair, that one he didn’t kidnap. Becky popped in while his vision and hearing were both suffering a bad case of cape-to-the-face.

      1. Cass

        Yeah, but he knew that Ross’s side of things completely revolved around her, so even if he didn’t notice her being there he could have realized those kids of no consequence would soon be sharing the whole story with someone what’s gots herself some consequence.

        Of course, that would require Blaine to have enough self-awareness to consider things that might screw up his plans, and he’s too sure that he’s the smartest person around to do that.

        1. Regalli

          Blaine can just kill everyone involved. No consequences if everyone who could identify him is dead!

          It’s kind of sad that Blaine’s BEST plan was ‘take a kid hostage at a McDonald’s parking lot, unarmed and relying entirely on said kid being an amiable rube, and wait for Amber to show up, surely she won’t bring help of any sort.’ And that one was still a Step Two: ??? Step Three: Profit type.

        2. BigDogLittleCat

          My money says Blaine isn’t even aware of Becky’s connection to Robin. Becky was just the bait he used to get Ross’s help (for what it was worth), so it’s doubtful he ever paid any attention to anything Ross said about her. Even assuming Ross ever said anything about her connection to Robin.

          It’s possible Ross didn’t know. Unless while he was in hospital/jail someone working around him saw the news about Becky, made the connection to Ross, and then told Ross, chances are good Ross doesn’t know.

        3. BarerMender

          Ross found out when Blaine sprung him.

        4. Bicycle Bill

          Ross did know.  See here – https://www.dumbingofage.com/2019/comic/book-10/01-birthday-pursuit/floundering/.  Even if he wasn’t looking at the screen of the TV, Becky was mentioned by first and last name, and I’m sure he heard that.

      2. Laladoria

        Didn’t Ross tell Blaine that Becky was on her way? Not that he’d really care that much, since all he probably got from that was “oh good someone contacted amazi-girl.”

  12. Harvey Janus

    Becky. Fucking. McIntyre.

    I am excited to see how this turns out.

    Ya dun’ fucked up Blaine. For like the third time.

    1. carl320

      Becky’s pissed. Looking forward to tomorrow as well.

    2. Bicycle Bill

      Like for the third time THIS MORNING, don’t you mean?

  13. Mark

    I’m guessing if Amber took off her mask she might be a bit more convincing…

    1. abysswatcher1993

      It doesn’t matter. He is dissapppointed on both of them because they arne’t what he wanted them to be.

      1. Thomas

        Even if Blaine were impressed with Amber, he would not acknowledge it. He will never be satisfied, no matter how high she jumps. He will continue to put her down, because that’s his way to control her.

  14. Suet

    Sounds like whatever’s left of the Florida Men would be coming in, if only they could WAKE UP

    Between failures, there can only be one way out to succeed out of this situation

  15. danielle

    *popcorn emoji*

    1. clif

      Wait! There’s a popcorn emoji? How come nobody ever tells me these things?

      1. Opus the Poet

        I hope this works with this comment system ?

        1. Bagge

          WITCHCRAFT

  16. Fart Captor

    I’m love Becky

    1. BBCC

      She gave us NO CHOICE but to stan.

    2. Regalli

      Becky is wonderful and I love her.

    3. Opus the Poet

      Becky is my second-favorite lesbian in DoA. Dina is first, of course.

      1. Fart Captor

        Becky and Chloe Price and Catra are my favorite fictional lesbians and I’d like to think they’d be pals and start a support group for lesbians with abandonment issues who were in love with their childhood best friends

        One day I will draw this

  17. Schpoonman

    Becky continues to be the best character.

    1. Bagge

      That is, in fact, true.

    2. Deanatay

      Some continue to believe Dina is best character. They are wrong, although their mistake is understandable.

  18. abysswatcher1993

    Blaine is more delusional than Handsome Jack, and I somehow iheadcanon the voice of Jack on him.

    Evene if he runs away with Joyce as a hostage, he is too injured to drive in a constant way, Joyce’s friends can read the number of the car, and Amber can testify against him because Blaine can’t order to kill Mike… unlesss he stole his phone back.

    I just want this delusional psychopath to die or have a karmic punishment.

    1. NinjaNick

      Cowardly Blaine can’t hide from his acts forever. We’re all waiting for the moment he’ll spend eternity in solitary confinement or rotting in Hell.

      1. DrunkenNordmann

        If the police doesn’t get him, the mob will. His boss won’t be happy with the ruckus Blaine’s caused when he finds out.

    2. carcinoGeneticist

      Thanks, now I’m imagining him with Handsome Jack’s voice too and it fits way too dang well.

      1. sharktrs

        That’s getting me thinking, what voices do people have for the DoA cast?

        The only ones I can really point out for me are Joe Swanson for Joe and Candace Flynn for Billie

        1. Dr. T

          Can’t say I spent a lot of time thinking about it. However, when trying to think of an unpleasant voice to assign to Blaine I now find myself reading his lines in Gilbert Godfried’s voice. I don’t know if that improves it or not, though I would have probably liked it quite a lot before he became an unrepentant murderer.

        2. Dr. T

          Now I find myself dwelling on the rest of the cast. Your mileage may vary:

          Joyce: Ashley Eckstein
          Sarah: Aisha Tyler
          Dorothy: Mae Whitman (more towards her portrayal of Katara than her other roles)
          Walky: Dax Sheppard
          Sal: I think Vanessa Marshall would sound good with an adopted southern drawl
          Danny: Dee Bradley Baker

        3. King Daniel

          Fuckface: also Dee Bradley Baker
          Squirrel: also-also Dee Bradley Baker

        4. Opus the Poet

          Where has squirrel been hiding? This would be his time to shine!

        5. He Who Abides

          With Moose, of course.

    3. Regalli

      There’s a reason why my ideal fate for Blaine is ‘Yuri has e-fucking-nough, kills him, and his body is not found for long enough for her to arrange her alibi’.

      That reason is, when faced with a choice between death and karmic punishment, ‘Why not both?’

      1. DrunkenNordmann

        Honestly, his boss might kill him. I don’t think the mob appreciates the kind of attention Blaine is drawing with this and they’d sure as hell don’t want him to become a potential snitch if the police arrests him.

        Not to mention that we still don’t know where he even got the money for Ross’ bail from – there’s a chance he might have used mob funds, which would be another reason for them to just get rid of him.

        1. Regalli

          There are so many options for Blaine to die as a result of his rampant hubris.

    4. Jess

      Wouldn’t it be interesting if the person that actually ended up killing him was Faz’s mom? Just like he goes back home, confides in her, and she legit murders him in his sleep.

      Afterall you can marry into the mob but it’s kinda a thing to leave it in a body bag.

    5. Orange Lantern

      No, he can’t hold a candle to Handsome Jack. That was a loathsome villain with class, knowledge and skills. He‘s more like Troy Calypso. Utterly out of his league and too dumb to know it.

    6. Kamino Neko

      Doesn’t work. Jack’s charming despite his being an irredeemable asshole. Blaine doesn’t manage that.

  19. Cattleprod

    “There’s nothing that links me to Blaine!”

    “Isn’t your accomplice Blaine’s stepson?”

    1. Undrave

      Thre’s that too…

  20. Passchendaele

    blaine: but does everyone include everyone of consequence??
    becky: yes
    blaine: fuck

  21. Yotomoe

    I’ll repeat it… A LITTLE BRAT FOUND YOU OUT! YOU’RE A COMPLETE IDIOT! I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU IN THE NEXT WORLD!!!

  22. Yotomoe

    I honestly can’t tell if Blaine understands who Amazi-girl is or not.

    1. a/snow/mous/e

      He’s too stubborn to accept that they could share a body.

    2. NelC

      I’m reading it as him still processing that his daughter has DID; whoever’s standing in front of him, he’s rejecting her.

      1. Needfuldoer

        I think it’s simpler than that. He refuses to believe Amber could possibly be assertive or amount to anything, because that would mean admitting he was wrong about something.

        1. CianM1301

          He’s so deep in denial all Amber would need to do is take off the mask and he’d probably have a mental breakdown.

    3. Deanatay

      Blaine’s daughter is weak and spineless, there’s NO WAY she could be a superhero.

      She curls up and hides when she’s confronted, there’s NO WAY she could have beaten him bloody in a fast-food parking lot.

      She needs her dad to control her life, there’s NO WAY she could have a life of her own.

      Amber’s his little girl, there’s NO WAY she could be an adult, and make her own choices.

      NO. WAY.

  23. Badgermole

    How… does either kidnapping Joyce or killing her deter Amber from continuing college? I almost resent how cartoonishly idiotic this villain is.

    1. Miri

      Traumatise and guilt her into dropping out. Because she lied to escape the kidnapping and ran away, leaving her friends at Blaine’s mercy and Joyce died as a direct result, making it her fault (so long as you’re cool with victim-blaming and ignoring the culpability of the person who killed her)?

      1. Badgermole

        Yeah but what’s so funny is there’s no direct causality between his action and intended effect. After all the trouble he went to supposedly spying on Amber, his grand plan to get her to drop out of college is just “cause general mayhem and hurt random bystanders”, Blaine you disgrace of a criminal.

    2. NelC

      He thinks it’s going to fuck her up so much that she’ll fail her mid-terms and drop out. Don’t underestimate the sadism of a narcissist.

    3. Mackabre

      If she’s alive, he uses her to ransom with the price being amber drops out. If she’s dead, he plays the “I’ll keep killing” card to get her to drop out. At least I think that’s his reasoning

      1. Regalli

        Honestly I think the ‘get Amber to drop out’ part is secondary to the ‘just absolutely fucking terrorize her to punish her for daring to exist and later to punch him’ in his priorities.

        1. Reltzik

          I think it’s primary, because “and also daring to take my money as college tuition” goes on that list.

        2. Regalli

          This is true enough.

          Gotta love Blaine ‘wait, children are PEOPLE? Who think and feel and do things? Who I am legally obligated to provide basic care for? This is the worst’ O’Malley. Real class act, he is.

        3. Rabid Rabbit

          What I love is how not having to pay her tuition was such a big deal that once upon a time he was swearing he’d stop paying it even if they sent him to jail. And instead of carrying through with that, he came up with… this.

      2. SuperZero

        You can’t really ransom people for a future promise. For that you need either a fair deal the target will honor or an ongoing threat.

        1. MatthewTheLucky

          Yes, but does Blaine know that?

          No, for Blaine knows nothing.

  24. Yuki

    She’s gonna tweet it. Yessssss

    1. NinjaNick

      #blaine-o-malley-is-a-cowardly-idiot

      1. Axel

        or, hopefully, already did

    2. Meagan

      Yes, to Robin’s followers!

  25. Chris Phoenix

    Be careful – Blaine’s like COVID – let down your guard for a second, and it comes back worse than before and kills you.

    1. Reltzik

      Nah, for him to be like Covid you’d have to have a bunch of delusional conservative Christians deciding that confinement sucks and empowering him out of their own blind faith that oh wait I see it now.

      1. NinjaNick

        Blaine’s already got a disease of his own: Stupidvirus.

        1. Opus the Poet

          STOOPID19

        2. Geneseepaws

          I b’lieve it is spelled with three Os, Stooopid19.
          Certainly in Blaine’s case.

        3. Deanatay

          Nah, Blaine was diagnosed with the Stoooooooopidvirus WAAAY before 2019.

        4. NinjaNick

          He was born with it.

    2. NinjaNick

      If Blaine is as smart as claimed, he’d toss his stupid hammer toward Becky’s phone.

      1. Dr. Marcus Wallaby

        And then Sarah could get to him with the bat without endangering Joyce!

        1. NinjaNick

          I would love to see Sarah smash his head with a bat.

      2. Deanatay

        “Hah! OtterBox, loser! And now you have no weapon.”

  26. Agemegos

    I wonder where Blaine’s missing tooth is? On the ground where he attacked Mike, I guess.

    1. DaveM

      If TV forensics has taught me anything, it’s that the missing tooth contains enough information to specifically identify him and his crimes beyond reasonable doubt. Amazing what TV forensics can do. 🙂

  27. Chaucer59

    That’s right, Blaine, Becky’s here, and because you didn’t kidnap her, she still has her phone. So smile for YouTube, shitstain.

    1. NinjaNick

      If it trends, he’ll forever be known as an evil dad-killer. He’ll be hated by millions, like every mass murderer and neo-Nazi.

      1. Opus the Poet

        And worshiped by thousands, like every other sh!thead, abuser, misandrist. Just because he’s evil and abusive to women and minorities.

        And yes I might have been on twitter too long and distorted my perspective.

        1. Fay

          I don’t want t be pedantic, but I think you meant “misogynist”. A “misandrist” is someone who hates men.

        2. Nono

          Well, Blaine might just be an equal-opportunity hater. I’m not even sure he likes himself.

        3. seikodelic

          In that case, the word would be misanthrope, someone who hates all humans.

        4. Deanatay

          ‘There are dozens of us! DOZENS!!!”

  28. JasonAW3

    Would SOMEBODY please boot Blain in the head?!? He has become an EXTREMELY annoying prat!

    1. Mehe

      https://youtu.be/-V1Mn5-xF0w

    2. sharktrs

      Was he ever not annoying?

      1. Reltzik

        He was satisfying when he was crumpled in a bloody mess in the AAA parking lot.

        1. sharktrs

          Ah, very fair point

    3. DrunkenNordmann

      Good chance his mob employers will when they find out about this.

  29. Bagge

    about time. it is Becky’s turn to save Joyce.

    1. Rabid Rabbit

      Becky has already saved Joyce once.

      She got into her father’s car.

      1. Bagge

        Ooooh! That’s true.

        Well, Joyce helped her at church so it’s still her turn, dangit

  30. Tarnagh

    Blaine, did you forget or did you never know that Becky is the PR manager for a State Representative … with all the access to media that implies?

    I guess it’s a good thing his front company is construction. He’s such a flipping tool shed.

    1. Agemegos

      I think Robin is a US representative, not a state representative.

    2. Opus the Poet

      Congresscritter, not a lowly State Rep.

  31. PB

    Oh thank God we’re not done here yet

  32. Nono

    I can’t believe Twitter is about to save the day.

  33. Juanoku

    Wow she’s got common sense

    1. Rikunda

      Don’t say that till after Twitter is confirmed.

      1. Shane

        She’s strongly implying she already did, Watchmen style…

  34. Hazel

    Dina’s angry, determined face made me smile.

  35. Rikunda

    Twitter is about to save the day? FINALLY!

  36. Bicycle Bill

    Panel three: Amber says, “For the last time, I’m Amber.”  So who’s she going to be now?

    “I am become DEATH, the Destroyer of Worlds.”

    1. Regalli

      Big O is also a possibility.

      https://www.shortpacked.com/comic/big-o039malley

  37. Rikunda

    Um… Just noticed… Faz didn’t make the list in tag… He is clearly going to the front of the car tho in one of the panels… Maybe this is a fakeout and Faz will be a hero… Only doing what his dad said because he knew he would be hurt if he didn’t… Tho he could have remained hidden and let his dad go down? Um… I don’t know!

    1. NinjaNick

      I’m guessing he’ll start the van and give Evil Blaine a 15-second head start. As if that would matter if a high-speed chase happens.

    2. Segnosaur

      Of faz was only helping Blaine to keep from getting harmed, then why would he help blaine escape in the first place?

      Blaine had been tied up and watched (by walky, but even he could tell if blaine were freeing himself), and the police were on their way. Faz was never safer from harm at that point. It is faz’s actions that released Blaine and gave him the chance to harm people again.

  38. AutobotDen

    It was then, that Blaine Knew. He done fucked up.

    1. datneeks

      I don’t think Blaine is the type to ever acknowledge having fucked up.

    2. Keulen

      I don’t think Blaine’s realized that yet. Maybe in tomorrow’s strip.

  39. miz

    really? no one’s gonna make the mulan joke? fine.

    [presses signal fire emoji on her phone] “Now all of Twitter knows you’re here.”

    1. Tirachokko

      I literally was about to make this joke lmao, but you missed the opportunity to say that all of twitter also knows he’s an asshole 🙁

  40. Derek

    How the hell does killing Joyce succeed in the plan of making Amber drop out of university? How?

    1. Bagge

      Simple! Because… um… because….

      Blaine is an idiot.

    2. PhyrexianRogue

      Two ways:

      One, the basic threat of ‘Going to university means your friends get killed’ should be a decent deterrent.

      And two, traumatized people rarely make good students, so she’ll probably fail anyway.

  41. Mr. Random

    Yeah… She’s the campaign manager for a federal level politician.
    No way was this ever going to end well for Toedad OR Blaine.

    1. NinjaNick

      …if Toedad miraculously survives this storyline.

      1. Fart Captor

        It would definitely require a miracle since he’s already dead

    2. Bagge

      Blaine gets taken down by the ugg squad. Robin says ugg-related joke. Everyone laughs. Freeze frame. Story ends.

  42. Robbie

    He’s seeing “amazigirl” in broad daylight, knows she hates him in particular, knows she’s friends with Mike, Amber’s friend, and she’s using Amber’s voice, saying “I’m Amber” and he still won’t see it? I hate him so much. he’s as unintelligent as he is hateful

    1. John

      I think its less that he is unintelligent and more that he is bat guano insane and in a serious case of denial.

    2. Sam

      He is in denial. He refuses to see Amber as someone capable of strength. It goes against the whole narrative he has built up as abusing her to make her stronger while really trying to make her more compliant and accept that she is weak.

  43. Schol-R-LEA

    Mind you, I still expect that this is going to end with Asher showing up with a bunch of his father’s enforcers…not to support Blaine, but to remove him as a risk to their operations.

  44. BigDogLittleCat

    I just realized Blaine by all rights should achieve his ultimate goal, if not at all the way he planned.
    However this plays out, he will be ID’d and he will be investigated. His role as a launderer for the mob will be discovered, and his assets seized, and hey presto! no more paying Amber’s tuition!

    He better hope the police get him, before the mob does. They are not going to be happy with him for this stunt. Even if law enforcement doesn’t catch on to the mob through him, they’re going to see what an idiotic debacle he’s made of this and decide he’s too stupid to handle their money any longer. And my goodness, he knows a bit too much for a quiet retirement.

    1. Needfuldoer

      How does that get him off the hook for paying Amber’s tuition? It takes away the revenue source he’s undoubtedly drawing from, but shouldn’t nullify his obligations as decided in divorce court.

      1. Agemegos

        You can’t get blood from a stone. Nor money from a man of straw, as lawyers put it.

        1. Needfuldoer

          Talk about a pyrrhic victory.

    2. Shane

      Excellent point. His stated ultimate goal is to save some cash.
      His hidden ultimate goal seems to be to like, smoosh all the goodness out of Amber and prove that she’s weak and nothing. For some reason. Shouldn’t parents be proud of their kids?

      Maybe ultimately he’ll convince himself that he won, that his torments made Amber strong enough to beat him, and that makes him a winner.

      1. Sam

        He is an abuser. Abusers don’t follow normal logic. They follow a type of logic of ‘if I do X thing, I get Y reaction’ e.g. ‘if I make Amber feel worthless, she will always try to meet my expectations and fail, therefore she will always be under my control’. He can’t be proud of someone who refuses to cater herself entirely to his whims and desires, and someone with no self-esteem is unlikely to fight back.

        He doesn’t want Amber to ever actually be strong enough to beat him. Even if that is why he claims that he does it, he’s an abuser, he really just wants her to be so impaired by her self-doubt that she stops questioning him and accepts her role as his weak worthless daughter.

        1. Miri

          Do abusers actually get to a point where they think their victims are appeasing them enough?!

        2. thejeff

          Sometimes. Briefly.
          Sometimes appeasement works in the short term. That’s why it messes with the victim so badly. Intermittent reinforcement is horribly effective.

          Abusive logic may not really be logic, but it works wonders at keeping the target trying to please you.

    3. DrunkenNordmann

      There’s the good chance that the money he gave the church for Ross’ bail was the mob’s money in the first place.

      So add “stealing from the mob” to the “reasons the mob might just kill Blaine” list.

  45. Needfuldoer

    Props to Willis for consistently laying the critical parts of this chapter out to put the big twists and reveals near the edges, so they’re cropped out of the blurry Patreon teasers. If you look at the one posted yesterday for today’s strip, Becky isn’t visible at all.

  46. ShdwWolf

    Twin? I’m calling twin….

  47. Agemegos

    “In two minutes? I’m not a Republic Serial villain. Do you seriously think I’d explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting the outcome?

    “I tweeted your name to Representative DeSanto’s Twitter followers right after Amazi-Girl told me where to find you.”

    1. Agemegos

      “I did it thirty-five minutes ago.”

  48. Nenja

    Hello. My name is Becky McIntyre. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

    1. Bagge

      I still hold out she will say that line before this story is over

      1. Bicycle Bill

        I’d rather have the other line, while she’s staring straight into his fear-filled eyes before delivering the coup de mort — “I want my father back, you son-of-a-bongo.”

        1. Miri

          But I want her to actually say bongo in this scenario rather than the censored-here B word ?

        2. Geneseepaws

          Blain, I am your daughter. Search in your heart, you know it’s true.

  49. Miri

    Blaine logic:

    If I leave a group of kidnapped teens with a corpse and a bloodied cape, taking one of the teens and the murder weapon, they all identify me as the murderer and kidnapper and note that I also recklessly endangered my stepson, and my DNA are at the scene (skin and hair cells on the cape and some of the duct tape), finger prints all over the property, the goons I hired ID me to try to get a plea deal, the people I helped bail out the now-dead dude at the centre of the plan can ID me, and I have left a clear financial and tech signal trail the whole way, and this also applies to a related crime scene where another youth was heard yelling about me and my mob connections – I am clearly sure to get away Scott-free! My plan is fool-proof!

    1. Shane

      Maybe two corpses. “Welp, if I’m going to prison anyway, I might as well kill this Joyce girl, it might make my daughter sad and quit college or something. Which outta save me and the family like 50k in tuition.”

      Not GREAT thinking, but maybe Blaine thinking.

  50. Commander Clash

    Carried by six or tried by twelve. What’s your choice Blaine?

    1. thejeff

      Is there a reason you keep using that gun rights cliche to suggest Blaine kill someone?

      1. Commander Clash

        I never even knew that as a gun rights cliche. I first heard it as the choices an abuser has in a relationship.

        1. thejeff

          An abuser? I don’t even see how that makes sense. Who’s threatening the abuser? They could normally just stop abusing.

          It’s long been the “I’d rather be tried for murder than killed without trying to defend myself” logic of gun nuts who think they need to be prepared to shoot first because a murderer could try to kill them at any moment.

        2. inespie

          I think commander meant abusee. Make more sense

  51. Zaxares

    Careful, Becky… You want to stall/delay Blaine from getting away so the police can get here in time, but you DON’T want to push him too far to the point where he figures he has nothing else to lose and decides to kill his hostage.

  52. DarkoNeko

    Oh yeah, good luck keeping stuff secret when a presidential candidate PR person’s on the loose

  53. Kaidah

    Cripes, I had completely forgotten what it was Blaine wanted out of all of this. What a terrible supervillain, forgetting to monologue as much as absolutely possible at every opportunity. For shame.

    Seriously though, isn’t this a bit far to go just to try and get your estranged daughter to drop out of college?

    1. Sam

      If you are as abusive and controlling as Blaine, then no. If you are a normal person that isn’t abusive or just isn’t this particular kind of abusive, then yes, this is a million miles too far.

    2. Nah

      I think he’s hiding a lot more cash than his wife or boss knows about and is worried easily paying the college payments might make them suspicious. Like, his wife seems to think they can’t afford to send Faz anywhere but Blaine can drop all the money to free toedad?

      1. Regalli

        I’m fairly confident he’s embezzled money from the mob at some point, idiot that he is.

        I’m basically CERTAIN he’s not giving Yuri an accurate sense of his income. (Come to think of it, the ‘tuition is too expensive’ story would work VERY WELL in justifying Yuri not having access to the family bank account. ‘You can’t have spending money for anything but groceries, we can’t afford anything else!’)

  54. FacelessDeviant

    I mean he just killed a dude and kidnapped like a bunch of people. I don’t think he’s gonna care about giving someone a panic attack.

    Respect the thought though.

  55. JessWitt

    So Amber told Becky Blaine’s name and other pertinent details before the former went back to rescue the others.

    Or Becky might be bluffing. Either way, I hope it’s the end of Blaine’s malicious deeds.

    1. Nymphie

      Becky knows AG is Amber, and she was told that this guy is Ambers father. Its enough information to figure out his name

      1. JessWitt

        Ah right.

  56. hof1991

    Blaine has been criming his whole life. It let him trade his wife in for a newer model. He’s never faced consequences for it. That’s why he’s so sure he’ll get away with it now. And he would if it weren’t for those meddling kids.

    1. Bagge

      That’s a very good point. It’s not like Blaine being an idiot is a new occurance. But so far he has gotten away with it (with the exception of the divorce and last time he tried to mess with amber).

      Well, he’s in for (another) rude awakening.

      1. Regalli

        His first arc onscreen involved him kidnapping one of Amber’s friends, and I distinctly recall there being comments about how he was acting supervillainy in the dorm room before the punch. This is just Blaine removing the ‘I am a pleasant human being who is merely Concerned’ mask he’d been putting on in public and doubling down on his incredibly stupid plan.

        He’s definitely about to be hit with a dose of reality

    2. thejeff

      This is a real thing with criminals. Especially white-collar financial crime types or actual mob boss types.

      You keep getting away with it, so even when you keep escalating, it’s easy to think you’ll keep getting away with it.

      Until you don’t.

    3. FacelessDeviant

      Such a crimer, that Blaine!

  57. Rabisch

    FAZ, DO SOMETHING!!! This is the last chance to become human and not just your stepfather (or father) slave!

  58. Ferret

    I forgot for a hot minute there that Blaine’s entire motivation… is not having to pay for his daughter to attend an in-state university. Like, good god man, it’s not like she got into Yale. It’s $10,000 per year plus dorm expenses, you are at most paying $50k over 4 years. Who the fuck kidnaps a bunch of people for $50k before expenses?

    1. thejeff

      That’s his stated reason, but not his real one. Revenge on Amazi-Girl for beating him up is at least as important as anything to do with Amber.

      1. bemisawa

        Yeah, and let’s not forget it’s about control, probably more than about money. He’s an abuser (with shades of control-freak, self-involvement/narcissism, and sociopathy – none necessarily leading to abuse inherently, but that would require him working on himself), and he lost his control of Amber for a few years here. If he gets her out of school, he has power over a significant portion of her life as commonly understood. He might be able to afford the money without much trouble, but he wouldn’t be willing to spend it on her – especially since that means in a way, she has power over him.

        Plus, I mean, I don’t know how well crime pays, but that’s still a fair amount of money – not enough for a normal person to do a crazy kidnapping scheme over for sure, but this is impacting HIM. The high and mighty HIM. Which means it’s automatically terrible, and any effort is worth resolving this grave (?) cosmic (???) injustice (???????????).

        1. Roborat

          Careful, you say that name one more time and he will appear. And that is how you get Powerpuff Girls.

    2. PhyrexianRogue

      It’s not just about the amount of money. It’s also the basic premise that HE (the superior being) is being forced to pay for a failed weakling like Amber. That in itself is a already an personal defeat, and unacceptable for someone like Blaine. Both the part where he is forced to do something, and the part where his money is being used for something as despicable as funding a weakling.

    3. Nah

      To be fair, he probably lies a lot to the state and his wife about how much money he has and how available it is. His wife seems to believe Amber’s attendance is bleeding them dry yet Blaine can afford to drop the money to free toedad? I think it’s more about it being a re-occuring expense that his wife (and maybe boss if he’s skimming anything) will notice he has no trouble paying despite claims of not having cash.

  59. bcb

    C’mon, Amber, take your mask off and watch Blaine die of shock!

    1. NinjaNick

      And a heart attack, like Shortpacked!

  60. Sombrero

    Hey, guess what, I am someone of consequence!

    1. Sombrero

      Also:

      Burn the land and boil the sea
      You can’t take my Joyce from me

  61. bemisawa

    …Becky is going to save the day with social media management skills, isn’t she? I‘m guessing she may have scheduled a post to go off shortly as a deadman’s switch to make Blaine release Joyce… which is such a wonderfully nerdy but awesome use of her recent circumstances running campaign social media. Like, she is using Hootsuite as a negotiation tool.

  62. DuckDuckMoose

    Joyce saved Becky with a FIST.

    Becky saves Joyce with a PHONE.

  63. meerkat

    God I know it’s superhero rules and all but HOW DOES ANYONE NOT KNOW WHO YOU TWO ARE!?!?!

    1. Regalli

      Blaine is refusing to believe Amber when she says things. (A lot of the characters who didn’t know before now also rarely saw her in daylight or didn’t know Amber well enough to connect points – removing her glasses and them changing her hair and voice WOULD throw a lot of people off.)

      Blaine is refusing to believe any of these kids know him and can’t connect the dots when Amber CLEARLY RECOGNIZES FAZ because he is not actually that clever.

      1. thejeff

        A lot didn’t know her well or see her in daylight often, but some did. And more strikingly, no one just recognized her because AG looks like Amber. (With the possible exception of Dina, but we don’t actually know how she realized it.)

        Everyone else who knows has either been told or had specific clues beyond appearance.
        Nor has anyone, even Amber, recognized Blaine. She only realized when she got a flash of AG’s memory and AG saw him put the mask on.
        Superhero rules. In universe, they work. (But not for Nightguy, sadly.)

  64. Nah

    …Did Faz not know Amazi-girl was amber? Is he gonna turn now that he does? I can’t fathom what that close up panel on him is for if not that.

  65. Katherine

    This strip guest drawn by Dre.

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