Sex is like
Posted on April 6, 2014 by David M Willis

200 thoughts on “Sex is like”

  1. Idon'tcarenomore

    That is worse example ive ever seen.

    1. OfCourse

      You mean the best?

    2. Seerow

      Hard to say without having seen the episode.

      1. Gram91

        I wish to see this merger of hate.

    3. Jen Aside

      I keep stating at Panel 3 Joyce, which is the BEST I’ve ever seen

      1. Jen Aside

        staRing

        O_O like

      2. Allcool-dontcare

        I choose panel 4 instead cause in 3 it slightly looks like her mouth is open. Plus it looks like she was staRing <- at that

  2. Jen Aside

    “It’s almost but not quite entirely unlike a cup of tea.”

    1. Yotomoe

      It does get hot.

      1. Lanval

        And wet.

        1. David Herbert

          And if you bump around enough things spill everywhere.

        2. Seerow

          And if you’re not careful you end up with blisters all over your genitals.

        3. BowToTheBard

          Some people are into that, though.

        4. Drunken Nordmann

          Some people are into everything, I reckon.

        5. nothri

          Everything has been into your mother.

          For a nickel.

        6. Roborat

          Sorry to hijack the thread, but in case you don’t know yet, your site has been hacked, gives a redirect to a porn site.

    2. IncadescentFlame

      At least it won’t get your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. That would be ENTIRELY unlike tea.

      1. Reltzik

        Except for the unnecessary addition of lemon.

      2. parkrndl

        And what YOU did… I see that too.

    3. biggo

      @Jen: this comment section needs a LIKE button.

    4. parkrndl

      I see what you did there.

  3. Geminia999

    So, if Ultra Car exists in Dexter, and Carla is a thing…

    let me think about this for a bit

    1. Mr K

      Carla’s the voice actor, in my headcanon

      1. LiaHansen

        Oooh, that’s good.

      2. GoldStarz

        If she’s not her mom is, no exceptions.

        1. arank11

          That’s it! You’ve uncovered Carla’s character!
          In the Dumbiverse, Carla’s mother was the creator of the Ultra Car TV show, and the voice actress for Ultra Car. She based the character design off of Carla. Thus, Carla grew up surrounded by Ultra Car stuff. Ultra Car became like a mother figure to her because her real mom was always working on the show. She grew up learning to hate the human race, that pies are always funny, and that the Amazon is a great place to dump people you hate. She wanted to be a robot like Ultra Car herself. To do so, she learned how to roller skate to simulate the act of moving around on wheels and wore fake glasses to simulate looking out of headlights. She wanted to be just like the robotic woman that she looked like!

        2. LiaHansen

          yesssss

        3. Bill

          So where does Jerry Van Dyke fit into this?

        4. Raoullefere

          Same way he fits—or doesn’t—everywhere else.

  4. someguywithakatana

    Wow… I mean… I was just joking, but… apparently, I called it. Yay for me?

    1. Deathjavu

      So you did. Impressive.

      (psst great oracle, what will happen next in the Amber storyline, I need to know)

      1. someguywithakatana

        The quality of Amber’s life will continue to deteriorate harshly… I sense… Danny… and Sal… and… something called a wiggler…

        I also see Dina… hugging a stegosaurus plushie… She… declares herself the apex predator… and rolls around on the floor… gnawing playfully on the toy…

        1. LKnives

          When you are right, you will be rich beyond your dreams.

        2. Seerow

          Nah, it just means he found a way to hack into Willis’s buffer.

    2. caesaria82

      lol that is amazing.

  5. Khaner

    The car of Ultra? Took him long enough to show up.

    1. Kamino Neko

      Took who long enough?

    2. David M Willis

      who’s this “him”?

      1. The Candyman

        Speaking of, is Ultra Car a car in the show?

        1. David M Willis

          Yes.

        2. Packy

          I was in the store today, and I saw something that made me wonder if the Mutant Frosted Honey Bun is in the Dexter and Monkey Master show.

        3. LiaHansen

          I feel like I saw that get mentioned somewhere. Like it appeared in the background of some merchandise or something.

        4. Sergei Andropov

          I assume the Giant Mutant Frosted Honey Bun is the university’s chancellor.

        5. Charlie Spencer

          Dumb-ass question, number 19 in the series; kids, collect them all!

          Is ‘Dexter and Monkey Master’ a ‘real’ TV show or is it a fictional part of DoA? If real, is there a network airing it? I haven’t heard of it outside the context of this comic.

        6. NF

          Dexter and Monkey Master is the conversion of a major part of the story in Willis’ other continuity into a kid’s television show for comedic purpose and story-driving purposes.

        7. Daibhid C

          Of course it’s real! It’s got a TV Tropes page! That makes it as real as Inspector Spacetime or Fix-It Felix, Jr!

        8. Packy

          I would pay good money to make Dexter and Monkey Master exist outside the Dumbiverse. Of course, it would have to be cell animation, not any of this 3D stuff. 😉

        9. begbert2

          Hmm, Packy, that raises the question of what medium Willis sees the show as actually being made in. We can’t assume based on anything we’ve seen so far; maybe it’s been a CG show the whole time.

        10. Heavensrun

          I am fairly sure that one of Willis’s favorite shows was the CG animated Beast Wars, and I would personally argue that TF Prime is at least considerably better looking than the original animated show.

          But honestly, Dexter and Monkey Master would probably get criticized for being an Invader Zim ripoff if they made it now.

        11. Heavensrun

          Google is your friend and loves you, you know.

        12. Charlie Spencer

          Yeah, but the results are mostly ambiguous. Some refer to the Walkyverse incarnations, which I don’t look at but suspect I should discount / ignore. I can’t make heads or tails of the TV Tropes page. I know better than to bother with the ‘Dexter’s Lab’ results; I know series well enough to recognize it isn’t the one being referenced.

      2. Dr. Zeus

        Him is the car of Ultra, you know… Ultra Car’s car.

    3. Deathjavu

      It? Her?

      I don’t think him is the correct pronoun in any interpretation.

      1. David M Willis

        I mean, I put her pronoun right in there for everyone.

        1. Deathjavu

          Judging by a surprisingly large number of comments over the years, and going of my general internet experience, most people online apparently can’t read.

          I was confused too. I guess they’re just here for the pretty pictures?

        2. MichaelHaneline

          I… I can’t read the above comment.
          I’d ask someone to tell me what it says, but…

        3. hof1991

          NPR ran an April Fool’s story about how people don’t read anymore, but the article was just bait to see how many people would comment at length without bothering to read more than the headline. They got some hilariously long and detailed responses.

        4. Khaner

          Sorry. I generally ascociate her car form as male, and as Carla is Ultracar’s female body, assumed that tv show Ultra car was male. Stupid mistake, looking back.

        5. PBManning

          What’s important is that you are learning.

        6. tinfoil theory

          In Italian, cars are always female.

          Frankly, I don’t understand why the Transformersâ„¢ aren’t universally female.

        7. Jen Aside

          Sexism from directors.

        8. tinfoil theory

          But in biology, all life-forms that reproduce asexually are female, like algae, or whiptail lizards.

          Immortal starfaring shape-shifters are already a transhumanists wet dream. Would it really detract from it by admitting they are basically lesbian pirates form outer space?

        9. Opus the Poet

          No, these are lesbian pirates from outer space http://rosalarian.com/lesbianpirates/

        10. Yotomoe

          I also Dispute that ships are also All Female.
          Like The Going Merry and Thousand Sunny!

        11. Bill

          This is especially mind-blowing when the ship is in fact named for a male, such as the Andrea Doria or the Edmund Fitzgerald.

        12. Roborat

          And every active U.S. aircraft carrier.

        13. John

          For example, the Joyce/Dorothy/Walky ship is 1/3 male.

        14. biggo

          K.I.T.T had a male voice, though. Which always struck me as odd, because hey, she’s a car. Today, I use a female voice for my GPS because no car of mine would ever be a male.

      2. Yotomoe

        I’ll just call it an it. All machines are its to me! All of them! Except Cyborgs.

        1. MM

          Technophobe.

        2. Yotomoe

          ROBOTS ARE STEALING JOBS FROM HARD WORKING AMERICANS.

        3. maxyai

          Day tuk uur jobs!

        4. Deathjavu

          Sort of, but then it becomes someone’s job to design and fix the robots.

          And if the robots fix themselves? Well, then we hit a post scarcity society. Or the robots eradicate us since we’re now totally irrelevant. Either or.

        5. Yotomoe

          You say that as if they couldn’t Both happen :3.

        6. tinfoil theory

          Eradicating all irrelevant species sounds an awful lot like work, though.

        7. begbert2

          Naw, you just stop feeding them. What are they going to do about it?

        8. No Name

          @begbert2
          Start feeding themselves again? There are going to be conspiracy theorists in every generation, they should have the resources to feed themselves at least.

        9. Bill

          Deathjavu, I suggest you read the short story “Reason”, by Isaac Asimov.  It was part of the original “I, Robot” anthology.

  6. Cthulhu's Intern

    It’s clearly much more like that one episode in which Ultra Car teaches Monkey Master how to play the flute after the show jumped the shark. That was one good episode when the show started to suck.

    1. Yotomoe

      Remember the episode that Ultra Car stranded them in the Amazon? The musical number in that one was FAN tastic.

      1. Cthulhu's Intern

        That song may have been catchy, but those lyrics were embarrassingly bad.

        1. Yotomoe

          It’s a kid’s show. What’d ya expect?

    2. Joe

      That episode was specifically a reference to American Pie. Alyson Hannigan guest starred and everything.
      Now that I think about it, it’s actually kinda impressive that they got away with those shoutouts in a kid’s cartoon.

      1. Cthulhu's Intern

        Dude. This was the same show that had the episode with the power booster rod. That episode was LOADED with double entendres. How is that surprising?

    3. showler

      How many crossovers did the two shows have?

      1. Cthulhu's Intern

        7.

        1. Jen Aside

          Don’t forget the one with Historical Jesus and Friends! Everyone forgets it because it was a limited edition Korean exclusive.

        2. timemonkey

          5, two of them were two-parters so only count as one each.

        3. Heavensrun

          Eh, there were still 7 individual episodes. It’s debatable.

        4. Dean

          Does ‘Battle of the Ultracars’ count, though, since it’s a dream episode? But I still can’t imagine how they got Johnny Cash as the voice of Evil Ultracar.

        5. timemonkey

          Evil gender flipped Ultracar.

  7. Shrugs

    “There’s not quite as much hatred of all humanity in sex. Usually.”

    1. Drunken Nordmann

      Cue Mike.

  8. Mr K

    “I’ll show you, if you want”

  9. Psycho

    Just gonna post this again if you think the Walky x Joyce x Dorothy OT3 ship should be called “Caramel and Marshmallows”, say I!

    1. tinfoil theory

      “Aye!”

    2. Khrene Cleaver

      Aye!

    3. Jonathan S.

      Eye!

    4. Opus the Poet

      Ewe!

  10. John

    So there’s a fictional Ultra Car in this world? If she gets turned into a girlbot in this universe too, Carla’s going to be so weirded out. (Can we say “Ultra Car” now?)

  11. newllend

    Oh I see, that makes perfect since.

    1. nothri

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZwbTKYhvIY

  12. Pyr05

    Yay for analogies that DON’T apply to the point!

    1. tinfoil theory

      It’s not how the universe began, but it’s a good way to relax.

  13. Plasma Mongoose

    Can anyone explain this sex thing without referencing cartoons and anime?

    1. Geminia999

      Well I thought that was what the Birds and the Bees was about? I don’t know, never heard the whole speach so I still don’t know how a bird and bee have babies with each other.

      1. Plasma Mongoose

        Oh that’s easy, when a bird eats a bee, it turns into a stork.

        1. MM

          So then where does the cabbage patch fit into all this?

        2. ninja_jesus

          The stork carries the cabbage seeds.

    2. ninja_jesus

      It’s like a thing in which two things mesh together and stimulate receptors in the brain that tell you it feels good.

    3. Yotomoe

      It’s like sticking your penis in a vagina repeatedly.
      Of course it’s not always like that.
      Sometimes it’s like having your vagina be pierced by a penis repeatedly.

      1. caesaria82

        And sometimes there are no penises involved at all. Or no vaginas.

        1. Ancestral Hamster

          And sometimes it involves a single goose feather, a tuning fork, and 5 lbs of malt-o-meal …

        2. tinfoil theory

          Go on…

        3. Yotomoe

          Hands where I can see them.

        4. Heavensrun

          “Well alright, but are you sure you want to see my penis?”

        5. Bill

          Or an egg beater,
          and a live chicken,
          and some peach preserves!

    4. Lanval

      Well, for a first timer like Joyce, the most apt metaphor would likely be Ikea furniture.

      1. Dr. Zeus

        You follow the directions but it doesn’t really go as expected?

        1. Jen Aside

          Also, there are parts left over and they make you buy a Skorva you don’t need [or forget to tell you you DO need it [and a power drill]].

        2. Dr.Zeus

          A power drill eh? Kinky.

      2. Shadlyn Wolfe

        So…this?

        http://sketched-comedy.com/comics/flying-blind

    5. nothri

      “Alone time” with assistance?

    6. Drakkin the Alien

      its like this:
      http://gustarte.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/extasis_detalle.jpg
      like this
      http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_zLpxGc7E_yI/TUN_1CdEOGI/AAAAAAAAA0o/Cyt5YBDaFSk/s320/beataludovica.jpg
      and like this
      http://perso.wanadoo.es/miguelcalleja2/21_BARROCO_2/tn_135%20BERNINI%20Extasis%20de%20Sta%20Teresa%20(Capilla%20Cornaro%201647-52)%2006.jpg
      🙂

  14. Cattleprod

    Carla and the robotic vehicle we’re not allowed to name exist as distinct entities in this universe? I think I’ll get a headache thinking about the ramifications of that.

    1. Mr K

      I’d like to think she’s the voice actor.

    2. Shrugs

      I figure it’s like those Superman stories where Superman and Clark Kent become separate entities.

      1. tinfoil theory

        I thought Lex Luthor was Superman‽

    3. Blackbird

      Ultra Car is no canon in the Dumbingverse. The name ban should be over.

      1. Blackbird

        *now

        1. Jen Aside

          Of COURSE Ultra Car is no cannon! She’s a CAR! =B

  15. caesaria82

    I understand completely.

  16. Lokitsu

    Dorothy just think of this as a prelude to having a sex talk with your daughter in 15-20 years.

    Yeah, its going to suck.

    1. Plasma Mongoose

      Will it be as bad as this?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AS5toi7Xxxg

    2. Yotomoe

      I’m gonna teach my children all about sex from what i’ve learned on the internet.

      1. The Candyman

        They’re going to have a very vivid picture of it.

        1. Yotomoe

          That’s because I’ll be showing them very vivid pictures.

    3. isitsevenyet

      I… I think there’s a difference between explaining the facts (the mechanics, if you will) about where babies come from and all that, and trying to tell someone what the experience itself is like.

  17. ninja_jesus

    She’s as good at explaining things as the 11th Doctor. <_<

  18. Kernanator

    Of course she would use a Dexter and Monkey Master analogy. Of course she would.

  19. caesaria82

    Also, that episode of D & MM wasn’t even that good. If you had to compare one of them to sex, that’s not the one I would choose tbh.

    1. MM

      Not that good? It was hilarious! Remember the scene where Ultra Car had control, and then Dexter called them into the war room to discuss the plan?

      1. NerdHerder

        I dunno. It sort of felt like the show jumped the shark with that episode. I mean, it was funny, but the show never quite reclaimed its brilliance afterwards.

        1. MM

          I don’t think you can blame the episode for that, though. The network kept going back and forth about whether or not they were going to renew, and by the time they made up their minds to go for another season, the writers had already wrapped up most of the ongoing storylines just in case.

      2. caesaria82

        Hmmmm. To me it felt derivative and a bit forced. It did have hilarious moments, like the pie throwing incident. But overall, the episode I’d compare to sex would probably be the musical episode. Or the film noir hommage episode where Dexter is a private detective and of all the detective agencies in all the towns, Monkey Master walks into his. Classic.

        1. Yotomoe

          Are you guys forgetting the PSA’s they used to have? They literally told people that about sex ed and being safe. Of course the networks had to ban it because of complaints from Lacrosse moms(soccer moms were busy boycotting something else).

        2. NerdHerder

          Oh, the musical episode would be spot-on. I mean, when Dexter and Ultra Car were “singing harmony”… everyone knows what they meant. I still can’t believe they got that past the censors.

        3. Hoboturtle

          Psssh, have you seen Ultra Car? I can’t believe half of the episodes got pass the censors. Like that one episode when she got her rims stolen? Never have taking apart a car been so nightmare inducing.

  20. Kamino Neko

    Has been for a while. Cuts down on annoying cross-universal references.

  21. Yotomoe

    Sex is like watching football. It seems really tedious and repetitive but people seem to really be into it! But guys think about them all the time while women tend to be more excited for the big game and then get dissapointed when their team doesn’t come through for them. It’s all about them climaxes!

    1. arank11

      Sex is like the My Little Pony TV show. You may find it annoying, and even painful at first, but once you experience it a couple more times, it gets better. Eventually, you won’t be able to stop thinking about it. Of course, it’s not for everybody. There’s people who don’t like it at all and that’s perfectly fine. There’s people who take it way to far and turn it into something weird and horrifying. There’s also people who try to make you experience it against your will. It’s different for everybody

      1. someguywithakatana

        Sex is like skydiving. I’ve never done it.

      2. Marisa Mockery

        Round of applause, people.

      3. Jen Aside

        Sex is like ten minutes. Twenty if you’re really good.

  22. No Name

    Wait, the ban has been lifted! That means all those ~~~~~~~~~ jokes are finally going to be revealed!

    1. Deathjavu

      Ugh. Collectively, the least funny thing in the DOA comments since the the outright racists and sexists.

      1. The Candyman

        Shun the nonbeliever. Shuuuuuuuuunnn.

        Except for the part about racists and sexists, you’re probably right about that.

  23. arank11

    Why can’t we say it? It can’t be because Ultra Car doesn’t exist in this universe. We already know that she’s going to appear in only about a month. Granted, she’ll be named Carla, but still. AND we now know there’s an Ultra Car TV show! We should be allowed to say “Ultra Car” dangit! Who’s with me? Will you join me in the fight to be able to say the name of the most freaking awesome vehicle ever to live besides maybe the Batmobile? No name, no peace!!! Viva la Carvolution!!!

    1. arank11

      Oh. Whoops. Looks like we can say it now

      1. Bill

        I think you can say it as a hyphenated name or as two words.  It appears that saying it as one word is still verboten.

    2. Deathjavu

      It was originally because of a flood of unfunny in-jokes that were turning off new readers. The answer to your question was out there. I think it’s even in the FAQ, which apparently no one reads.

  24. C.W. Roden

    Weeeeeeeeell……its a little bit like that.

  25. CapedLuigisYoshi

    Well, I have sort of expected UC to be a fictional D&MM character for a few months now. Though the wording implies that UC’s from her own show, so I’ll just have to settle for a “close enough”.

  26. Pro_Ice

    I’ve put in yesterday’s comment section, but Yotomoe’s cool comic may warrant a repost, now in color: http://i.imgur.com/MnEJ1VN.jpg

    1. Yotomoe

      Hmmm…it’s ok…
      Maybe I’ll try my hand at lining and coloring this 😛

      1. Yotomoe

        Also Thanks for the inking and coloring!!!<3

        1. Pro_Ice

          No problem. :] Rather thanks to you for the laugh.

  27. LiaHansen

    Is it just me, or did something about Joyce’s design get somehow cuter in her latest appearance?

    1. caesaria82

      I think it’s just the sideways profile that highlights her adorable nose.

    2. derick

      Hoodie dress is a +3 to adorable.

  28. Yotomoe

    “Actually, you know what. A live demonstration is in order”

  29. Mr. Random

    A) she phrased so it seemed sex, the act, was sinning.
    B) Sex is… Oddest conversations begin like this.

  30. Nono

    Is sex actually a sin, in Joyce’s religious group? I mean, I can get adultery, and possibly pre-marital hanky panky, but I don’t know if she thinks, ‘well, they’re married, have ALL the sex you want with each other!’.

    1. TemplarKnight

      Her parents have 4 children. So no. And I don’t know of any Christian sects that believe sex in the confines of marriage as sin. However, there are individuals that see sex as only for procreation and any sex beyond that is considered sinful because you are still giving in to your lustful desires, regardless of being in a “safe zone.”

      Jesus actually said you should not have sex at all, but if you cannot restrain yourself, do it in the confines of marriage.

      The Knights Templar actually had it in their laws that even a married Templar could not touch a woman, even his wife.

      That’s all I’ve got on the matter.

      1. tinfoil theory

        The symbol of the Templars was two men on one horse. Just saying.

        1. MrMyerst

          I’m pretty sure I read that erotica, somewhere….

      2. isitsevenyet

        Actually I don’t think Jesus said that, IIRC it was Paul. Buuuut my memory is a bit fuzzy so you might be right.

        1. isitsevenyet

          And from what I do remember, it doesn’t say you *shouldn’t* have sex at all, but for the purposes of spreading the Gospel, it’s better not to. I think the point was that it can be a distraction, that a single person has more freedom to work for the church than a married person does. It says it’s good to be married, but better not to be.

        2. Jonathan S.

          What Paul said was that everyone should aspire to be like him – that is, free of any lust whatsoever – but if you couldn’t manage that, marriage was an acceptable second choice. “It is better to marry than to burn.”

      3. Aris Katsaris

        “Jesus actually said you should not have sex at all, but if you cannot restrain yourself, do it in the confines of marriage.”

        No, it was Paul that said that, not Jesus.

      4. LeahRockshard

        It was definitely Paul who said celibacy is best. He basically said, “Love for a spouse is distracting, so if you can manage it, be celibate like me and devote your life to God. But if you can’t keep it in your pants, get married.”

  31. indignostudios

    Sex is 10 to 20 minutes of physical labor followed by 12 seconds of ecstacy, followed by several days of guilt and shame.

  32. John

    Y’know, given the topic of conversation, and the way Joyce is leaning towards Dorothy, I’m amazed that no one has yelled, “Now kiss!” yet.

    1. That Damn Rat

      Joe is right now, running to their location to say just that.

      1. John

        Actually, Joe’s going to the same class they are, so maybe he’ll actually interrupt them with that in the next day or two.

      2. Riku

        Fuck that, Joyce responds to lust with violence

    2. Glynvel

      Nooooooowwwww…….kiss!

  33. Emoroffle

    Remember Joyce, curiosity killed the closed minded beliefs.

  34. RobHagen

    Cute Joyce is Cutely Learning about the Pre-Marital Hankies Pankies…

  35. Lel

    “I know that guys describe it as sticking your member in a warm apple pie… but how do we describe it? Being a pie with a dick in it?”

  36. nothri

    Why are we whispering? Oh right, because it might get a little awkward as I publically explain sex to a naive college student by using a metaphor involving cartoons.

  37. jon

    “You know that thing that you won’t ever acknowledge doing at night sometimes, when you think everyone is asleep? No? Of course not. Well, it’s even better than that.”

    1. John

      It wouldn’t surprise me at all if Joyce actually doesn’t know.

      “You mean having frigged up dreams about Ethan rubbing a flashlight on my, my… tummy while you and Becky and my parents watch?”

  38. Megatron

    Once again the superiority of mechanical lifeforms is demonstrated by Ultra Car getting an appearance before her flelshling counterpart, Carla.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA!

  39. SilverArrowArtemis

    Sorry, Dorothy. Maybe SpongeBob can explain it better using .

    1. SilverArrowArtemis

      the sex song!

    2. 3oranges

      Using . sounds like it is better suited to explaining periods.
      I’ll show myself out.

  40. C.

    Ultra Car Ultra Car Ultra Car! We can say her name now!

  41. LPA

    I really appreciate how often this comic is updated

  42. Maki P

    ULTRACAR CROSSOVER!!!???? What have I been missing?

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